* *
narrator:
Meet Tiffany Meixueiro.
Tiffany is 42,
works in sales
and lives in a house that
is slowly being taken over
with Kansas City Chiefs
fan gear.
[music stops]
Actually, hang on a second.
This time,
we're gonna let someone else
do the introductions.
[mellow music]
- Tiffany is an amazing woman.
I love her, and, uh...
I love her to death,
and she helped me so much.
I just, you know, I love her.
- I mean,
he's the love of my life.
He was diagnosed
with stomach lining cancer,
and then we found out
this November
that he has six months
to a year to live.
- You know,
after the fact, after I pass--
which, it's gonna happen--
I want Tiffany to be able
to, um...
[clears throat]
be able to transition into
a new, you know,
a new life without me.
narrator: Sadly,
shortly after we met them,
Tiffany's husband Landan
died of cancer.
We know he wanted help
for Tiffany
to get the house in order,
so that's where our gentle
death cleaners stepped in.
[mellow chords]
This is Ella.
Ella is from Sweden.
And she's an organizer.
[lively string music]
* *
This is Johan.
Yep, also from Sweden.
Johan is a designer.
[car horn honks]
* *
And then there's Katarina.
A Swede, clearly.
She's a psychologist.
[car horn honks]
all:
Hey!
[laughter]
narrator: Together, they are
a team of death cleaners.
Yes, you heard me right.
Death cleaning.
Cleaning out your crap
so others don't have to
when you're dead.
It's a very Swedish thing.
You'll get it.
* *
[soft music]
- When I lost Landan,
it was like I didn't feel real.
Like, it wasn't
really happening,
and it didn't happen.
You are trying to process
the fact that you
just lost somebody that...
your person.
* *
I need a Swedish
death cleaning now
because at this point,
I'm overwhelmed with things.
Everywhere I look,
it's just a reminder of,
you know, he was here,
and now he's not.
It's something
I don't want to do on my own.
It's sad that I'm gonna
have to give away things
that Landan owned, but I
can't stay sad every day 24/7.
And it's time for me
to have this new chapter,
and I'm ready for it.
narrator: And we know
just the Swedish trio
to help you start writing
that chapter, Tiffany.
* *
- Hello.
- Hello!
- Hi.
- Hi, come on in.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Oh, who's this?
- This is Dolly.
- Oh, hi, Dolly.
Hello.
- So cute.
- You can hold her if you want.
- Wow.
- Better close the door now.
- Hey, muah-muah-muah, yes.
Muah-muah-muah.
- Good to meet you.
- Yes, you too.
- Hi, I'm Ella.
- Hi.
I'm Tiffany.
- Hello.
Nice to meet you.
Thank you.
- Dolly is amazing.
- Yes.
- Hello.
Aww.
- Nice to meet you too.
- Thank you for having us.
- Thank you.
- Maybe we can sit for a while.
- Let's have a seat, yes.
- You can tell us a little
more why we are here.
- Yes, so we'll just have
some seats here.
- And a lot of sports stuff.
- Yeah.
- Yes, Chiefs stuff.
Chiefs stuff.
- Chiefs stuff.
- Chiefs.
- Chiefs stuff.
* *
Tiffany...
- Yes.
- Why do you need
death cleaning?
- Well, I recently
lost my husband, Landan,
and I have a lot of things
that we have accumulated
in the last five years
that I really don't need
to hang on to anymore.
- How many months ago was that?
- Four months ago.
- Oh, that's--
- So recent.
- Quite recent.
- Pretty recent, yes.
- So sorry for your loss.
- Yeah.
He was my person.
He was definitely my person.
- How long were you
and Landan together?
- Five years.
- Five years.
- Married for one, yeah.
- Wow.
- Oh.
- What kind of person was
Landan when he was well?
- So he was a very
proud man, a very--
he loved his work.
He was a diesel mechanic,
and he loved his kids.
So they're my kids too,
my bonus kids,
even though, you know,
I wasn't their biological mom.
They were just over this
weekend, all of them, so...
- How do you feel about getting
rid of some of his things,
or, like, what are your needs?
We want to be gentle.
This is called "The Gentle Art
of Swedish Death Cleaning."
- Yes, right.
- So I feel like, with you, we
definitely want to be gentle,
and you will be our guider.
- There are things
that I do wanna hold dear
and to my heart,
but there's also things
that I want to be able to give
to his son, his daughters.
- Every space, every home
should always have, like,
room for involvement.
So I think that we can
take into consideration
your thoughts and your wishes.
- Yes.
- Finding you.
- I'm into it.
I love it.
[laughter]
- Well, there's a lot
of sports stuff I've noticed...
- Yes.
- In the house.
- Yeah.
- And how did it end up
in the house everywhere?
- Landan.
[laughter]
My dining room
is now a man cave.
- I thought you said
you were a fan too.
- I am!
I'm a huge fan,
but not in my dining room.
[laughter]
- It looks a little man cave-y.
- It does!
I don't even know
where to start.
- I think we can start here.
- Yes.
- I've never wore one of these.
I've only see them on TV.
- Then you get that one.
- I never have seen these
in reality, either.
Those--
- You've never been
a cheerleader, Ella?
- No, I haven't.
[laughter]
narrator: Wow,
look at the joy these Swedes
are getting from pom-poms.
Are you trying
to tell me there are
no cheerleaders in curling?
- What is this?
- It was the flower arrangement
for the celebration of life.
- So Landan
really was a super fan.
- Yeah, he was.
[laughs] Yes.
- And the beer fridge,
like, do you use it?
- I don't, really.
Like, I don't drink beer.
I have my face mask in it.
[laughter]
- There's a lot
of ways for Tiffany
to honor Landan
besides living in a man cave.
She wants to have
an apartment again
that reflects more of her,
and I'm gonna help her
with that.
When I'm done in here...
- Yes?
- You're gonna want
to entertain.
- OK, just not
for maybe a football game.
[laughter]
Maybe a brunch or--
- Oh!
- You know?
[laughter]
- You're becoming
a girly girl now.
- Oh, yeah, no, brunch is
my favorite thing to do.
narrator: Ah, brunch--
basically breakfast
for those who sleep
till the afternoon.
Count us in.
- It's a very--
it's a little cozy living room.
- Yeah.
- This is the chair
that he passed away in.
He loved this chair.
I sit in it still every night.
I haven't been able
to do anything with it.
So I do sit there every night.
It's like I sit
with him, you know?
- Yeah.
- Grief is not
about black or white.
It's a lot of gray.
And my task for
this week is to help
Tiffany to navigate the gray.
- So you have something here.
- Yeah.
- Ah, so that's another,
like, area to sit down in.
- Yes.
- You work remotely, you said?
- Yes, I do.
I'm in health care IT sales.
So when COVID happened,
it turned out to align
with him getting sick.
I was able to stay here
with him and take care of him
throughout the day
while I worked.
And this is Landan
right here, actually.
- Ah!
- So his ashes.
And those two little urns are
for his mom and sister, so...
- So how do you relate
to his ashes?
Do you interact with it, or...
- I talk to him all the time.
- Hm.
- Like, if I am worried
about something,
or if I have, like,
a question that I don't know
the answer to,
you know, I'm always like,
you know, what do you think?
- One really hard part about
losing someone
that you really love is facing
all the little traces
that this person
has left in a home.
It can be clothes in a drawer,
shoes in the hallway.
And getting rid
of those little things
that reminds us about this
person can be really tough.
- So it's very tight
and snug in here, it's cozy.
- So this is...
- It's cozy, is what it is.
- The bedroom?
- Yeah, so this is my closet.
- Ah!
- So it's--yes.
- It's full.
- His closet's right over
there, and it's his jerseys,
the jammies I bought him,
and stuff like that.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- This must be quite emotional
for you to just look at.
- Yeah.
He loved these.
He was proud of these.
When the Super Bowl happened,
these are the ones.
That's his favorite player.
- Yeah?
- Pat Mahomes.
- Ah.
- So this is
the important stuff.
- And I bet he was so happy
when he had these on,
like that was his favorite.
- Yes, yes.
- Old Spice is what he would
spray before he'd go to work,
and then I sprayed it
the other day, and literally
just start crying.
- Aww!
- It was just, the smell,
it's just like that--
- Of course.
- So this is really
a big reminder--
- Yeah.
- Is the smells.
- Smells are so, like, strong
for our memory and emotions.
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah.
- So maybe save the Spice.
- I am.
Yeah, for sure.
- Of course.
- Yes.
That's what was, like,
really important to me,
is what I can--
just any kind
of memory like that.
- Yeah.
- The smells, or--
- Of course.
- Yeah.
- Yes.
- I don't know
if this applies to you,
but sometimes you can feel
like there's this norm of,
like, oh, it's death cleaning.
I'm supposed to get rid
of a lot of things.
There's no badge by the end
of the road that's like,
the more you give away,
the better.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
You just be true to you,
and we will just be your,
like, magic fairies
helping things happen.
- I love it.
- When you lose
someone this recent,
life is not about moving on.
But you do have
to move forward.
And this is what I really want
to give Tiffany this week--
a chance to clear out
some of that pain
and give her a more
positive outlook on life
in a slow and gentle way.
narrator: In death cleaning,
there's a time
for talking
and a time for doing.
And it always seems to be Ella
who kicks off the doing.
- I think your dining table
is a good spot to be on.
So we will build something
that I call
the sorting station there.
So we're going to bring out
every clothes, pile it up.
And then we're going to take
the stations item by item.
Is it keep, donate,
sell, or is it trash?
- And me and Katarina,
we're going to fika.
- You think.
You are gonna go to work now.
You can dream on.
narrator: She's also the one
who kicks the asses
and takes the names.
Gotta love her.
[soft music]
- It's very common that
after a person have died,
that closet stays untouched.
And that is why we want
to start with those things.
- So let's see.
- But one
of the hardest things for many
is to go through
the loved one's clothes...
Because that's the thing
that are nearest your body.
It's like the extra skin
on that person.
And you also have that smell
in the clothes and so on,
and that could get
very emotional.
- Yes, really.
I understand that it's...
tough to just see everything
piled up like this as well.
- Yeah. Weird.
- Yeah.
Is it a little bit
like having him--yeah.
- Yeah.
* *
You're so sweet.
- A big hug.
- I think it's really important
that we're extra gentle
with Tiffany,
thinking about how recent
Landan's death was.
Going through
a person's clothes,
or whatever items
they left in the house,
it's an invitation
to experience
the pain of losing them.
But this is death cleaning.
This is how you move forward.
You just have to go through it.
- We have one box there for
the things you want to keep.
And then we have this
that is the donation.
- Yes.
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- And if there is
somewhere special
you want to donate.
- So I used to volunteer
at KC Shelter.
I would pack up lunches
to take around to the people,
like, that are in the city
that might be hungry.
I kinda did this on a whim
when Landan was here.
And he was like, "Well,
you're not going by yourself."
- Aww.
- And so he went with me.
- Such a nice memory
that you share with Landan.
- Yes. That was my favorite
because he is very like,
you go have fun
with that, you know?
- Yeah, yeah.
- See you after a while.
And then I could tell, like,
he thought it was great too.
- Yeah.
- You know?
- I just love that.
- Yeah. So...
- So you really think he would
like as well that we...
- Yes.
- Give some of the clothes
also to this--
- Oh yes.
- Yeah?
Then let's do this then.
- OK, I'm gonna save that
for his--
the fun T-shirts,
I'm going to save for his son.
- Yeah, this one?
- Just, yeah.
If it's a plain T-shirt,
just put it in there.
So this was the first time
I went to Colorado
and we first started dating.
- Oh.
- And he was--
well, and it was a lion.
He was a Leo, so--
- Ah, yeah.
- I got him the lion.
That goes with the kids.
I'll give that to them.
- Ooh.
[laughter]
"Don't be a wiener."
- This is kind
of Landan's personality,
his humor, that I didn't
always think was funny.
But this was his kind of humor.
- You should have this
when you enter a home.
- Yeah, you can have it.
- Oh, my God.
- What the f*ck?
[laughter]
- That's quite funny.
- Is every jean here as well?
- Yeah, all the jeans
can go over there.
I kinda think
I want this one for me.
[inhales] Oh.
- Oh.
- Mm.
- That might make me cry too.
- Well, of course.
* *
- We first met
at a place called iPho Tower.
And I was very nervous,
and I talked a lot.
And he was a very quiet man.
[laughs]
He knew right away, he said,
that he wanted to be with me,
which was very shocking to me,
because we had just met.
He waited around until I was
ready for a relationship.
We had a very casual wedding.
He wore his Chiefs jersey.
The Chiefs game
was on afterwards.
It was very simple, but it
was filled with lots of love.
* *
Well, he started
getting sick in August,
and we weren't sure
what it was.
And they ran a lot of tests,
and he was diagnosed
in November
with stage four cancer.
* *
It was a real shock, OK?
[crying]
I'm sorry.
It was a real shock
to hear this.
The person that you're with
has stage four cancer,
when you live
your life every day,
and then one day,
your person gets sick.
* *
They told us
that we're gonna be lucky
if he makes it
six months to a year,
and that was a huge shock
and a blow to us.
And that's when you have,
you know, your real meltdown.
And this is really what's
gonna happen, and you know,
this is gonna be
my last Thanksgiving,
this is gonna be
my last Christmas with him.
[sniffling]
I just tried to make his life
as comfortable as I could.
* *
I just really miss him a lot.
* *
I want to make Landan proud.
I want to do everything
in my life
that's gonna make me happy,
and I know he would love that.
* *
- Kat?
- Huh?
- Could I have Tiffany
for a moment?
- OK.
- Yeah, yeah.
- OK.
- Hello, dear.
- Hi.
- I think I became
a car salesman here.
- OK.
[laughs]
- Vintage cars.
- I always like
to act like one.
[laughter]
- I love the Beetle.
- Of course, yeah.
- The Volkswagen.
I would like to have one.
Tell me about these cars.
- He loves these cars.
When he was diagnosed,
Landan had to sit here all day.
So it was something, I think,
for him to tinker with.
His daughter loves this one.
- Mm-hmm.
- He bought my favorite car.
They'll all go to his family
because this was something
that he did
when he was diagnosed,
and I think this is
very special to his family.
- One of the principles
of Swedish death cleaning
is to pass items on
to other people
to have a memory
and a piece of his life.
How did you connect
to the kids?
- So, I--
- Because you have a good
relationship today, I assume.
- Yes, oh, yeah, they always
want to be over here.
- Yeah.
But how did that happen?
- It happened when things
just started falling in place.
So I get along very well
with their mom.
We're co-parenting.
I feel like she needs me
in their life.
They need me in their life.
- So it's not only your grief.
You have also three other
people and their mom's.
You're a big bunch
of griefers...
- Yes!
- At the moment.
- We're greifers, yes.
[laughs]
- So how do you feel
about getting rid
of all these things?
- To, you know,
start this new chapter.
I want to just be able to,
like, you know, be at peace.
- I'm so excited about
inspiration through style.
I think it's been
so interesting
when we've walked
around the house.
You're the guide for us.
We are here to follow you
and make this
into your special journey.
And that's what
death cleaning is about.
It's about giving
the house a purpose,
and we design it
to redefine the purpose.
Also, it could be nice
with a bit of style,
color, pattern, fun--
the way you are.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
And champagne.
And champagne.
- Yes, and the champagne, yes.
- Absolutely.
The beautiful thing
about Tiffany
is that she's
a natural caretaker.
Ta-ta!
She's been working hard
taking care of this family,
and of course, Landan,
and it's time for someone
to take care of her.
* *
- Let's make a plan.
I have a system,
actually, for doing this.
- I know!
I see that.
- Yes, I call it
red dot or not.
narrator: It seems that Ella
is ready to get to work.
- So everything that you think
could leave your house,
we can put a red dot on.
- OK.
- And if you want it to stay,
we put a green dot on it.
- OK.
- Yes.
- Yes.
narrator: And Tiffany knows
that Ella is the boss.
- Well, I'll start
with the red.
- Yeah.
[laughter]
- It's the favorite
color of Landan.
- Yes, I'm excited.
I want that new chapter.
So we'll just put
this one on right away.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yes.
So all of those.
- Look at that.
- That's a load of red dots.
That's quick!
- All of it.
- Yes, yes.
- We don't need to hang on
to everything
just because a person
that we loved died,
especially if the thing
brings up painful memories.
- We'll make sure
this has a green dot on it, OK?
- Yes, yeah.
[laughs]
Landan has to stay.
- Of course.
And this shelf here?
- That can go.
- Yeah?
- The same with the table too.
As much as I love it,
it is busted.
- There's not much
of Tiffany in this house.
A lot of things
is actually worn out,
and a lot of things
is actually not hers.
So in my design this week,
it's about bringing her
back into her house.
- So we can get rid
of TV in here.
- So more settling.
- Yeah.
More brunch-y stuff, not--
- Yeah, brunch-y stuff.
[laughter]
- Landan loved that.
We hosted a lot.
- And now it hosts crap.
- Yes!
[laughter]
Yes, it does.
Yes, it does.
narrator: We're beginning
to get the sense
that Johan might not be the
biggest American football fan.
Anyway, similar to football,
death cleaning
always has a halftime,
and it's calledfika.
* *
- Ahh.
- Ahh.
- Do you guys know anything
about American football?
- Not much.
I think they have a helmet on,
actually, like.
- Oh!
- That's different from
the normal, like, football.
- Yeah.
They say touchdown.
- Yes.
- Touchdown.
- And that's a good thing.
That I know, but--
- Yeah.
- I have no clue.
[laughs]
- I can't wait
for you to get started.
- This is gonna be
so different.
- It's so interesting.
- Yeah.
- We entered this man cave.
- Yes.
- And then
this bubbly girl comes out.
High energy, talkative.
- Yeah, I felt like
she was sparkly all over.
Just like trrring!
- And it was--yeah.
- Yeah, and then when you
looked around, it was,
well, a lot of American
football stuff.
- Yes.
- It was obvious
that Landan was a super fan.
- He was a super fan.
- Yeah.
- Yes.
- And she was, as well.
- Yeah, of course.
- Yes.
- I don't think
it's strange that she
let the house kind of go,
because she was
taking care of him.
He was terminally ill.
- It's so recently that he's
passed away, as well, so...
- Yeah, she kind of
put herself on pause
and just, like,
I'm going to give you
everything.
- Yeah.
- And I think it's
a beautiful character trait.
- I'm really happy
about supporting her
to find herself again.
- Yeah.
- Where is she now?
- Yeah.
- What are her needs now?
- Yes, of course.
- I think it's so important
that we break free of these
ideas of what self-care is.
You know, it bothers me when
people think that self-care
is just getting your hair done
and getting your makeup on,
getting your nails done.
I'm like, what?
- Hm.
- Is that really all
that is to self-care?
In Sweden,
self-care is more defined
by taking walks in nature,
or like,
meeting up with your friends,
or just reading a book.
Like, do something
for you that you enjoy.
- America for me
is someone who's, like,
stresses to go to meditation.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, that's so, so, so true.
- And then Instagram it.
[laughter]
- Somewhere in Sweden,
someone is picking
mushrooms in the forest.
- Yeah, that's true.
- And enjoying,
and, like, whistling,
and having a cheese sandwich
and a coffee.
- A coffee, yeah.
[laughter]
narrator:
Sweden sure sounds like
afika- drinking
mushroom-picking,
cheese-sandwich-eating utopia.
[doorbell rings]
But now it's time
to get back to work.
And for this next step,
the death cleaners
have invited someone to help.
- Hey.
Come on in.
I have some guests.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- This is Joe.
- Johan, nice to meet you.
- This is the best man.
- Nice to meet you.
- Hello.
- We are the Swedish
death cleaners.
- Yes.
- Have you heard about us?
- I have, yeah.
[laughter]
- I will bring a chair,
and maybe we can sit and talk.
- Yeah, let's go in here--
- Yeah, OK.
- And have a seat.
- Calling Joe to have him
support Tiffany
in this challenging times
is actually really,
really important
for her healing.
- So how's the day been?
- Busy.
[laughter]
- As a species, we're not
built to face struggles alone.
We are social animals
at our core.
And one of the best things
that you can do
is inviting your community
to help you.
- So how did you two meet?
- Yes!
- We actually work together.
We just became very good
friends very quickly.
- It's a good match.
[laughs]
- Having a challenge while also
having a friend standing by,
supporting you is something
that can dampen the stress,
that makes it not as intense.
What's it been like for you
to see Tiffany
ever since Landan passed away?
- Yeah, it's been tough,
you know,
watching Tiffany
go through this.
I was very close friends
with both of them.
- Yeah.
- It was just hard.
And so I think that I,
you know,
just kind of stepped up and
was just trying to be strong
and be there for Tiffany.
I'm really glad that she's
given this opportunity,
because I feel like
she's just a shining light
for a lot of other people.
This is really just going
to help close a chapter
and move on to, you know,
a happier time for her.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
- We have a lot of red dots.
We have done work as well.
So I think it's time now
to start move out the things
that have the red dots on them.
And I think we should start
actually with this chair
as well that Landan
passed away in, so...
- Mm.
- Mm?
- Yes.
- Are you ready for
parting with the chair?
- I might be.
Yeah, that might be very
emotional right there, but--
- And that's OK, you know,
also.
It's not at all strange
if you have
those feelings that you...
- Because he's--yeah.
That was his chair.
- Landan's chair is old,
and it has
some painful memories in it.
And Tiffany wants
to get rid of it,
but this is a tough one.
This is a really,
really tough one.
[soft guitar music]
* *
But you have to stay true
to the process.
And you have to be brave
to move on
and take this hard decision.
That's why you should
never do it by yourself.
* *
- There's actually more relief
than I, like, figured.
- OK.
- Yeah, more relief?
- Yeah, I was not expecting
to not be so really...
* *
I'm pretty good though.
I think I'm pretty good.
- You're OK then.
- Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Thank you.
- Aw.
- Aw! You ladies.
I might cry later though.
[laughs]
I'm like, ah!
Ah.
I'm actually feeling really
happy that that's out of here.
And there's been a lot of,
like, sadness tied to it,
so...
- Of course, yeah.
- So I--to have it gone now
is actually--
I feel good that it's gone.
- Maybe it stands
for a lot of the sickness.
- Yeah.
- This chair is like
Landan is dying--
- Yes, this last--yeah.
- From you.
Yeah.
And that's not the bigger part
of your life together.
- No, no.
* *
When he passed,
we were all in the dining room
just talking about, like,
everything that had happened
that day and what was going on.
And all night,
I kept on looking over
and expected to see Landan
there, and he wasn't.
So that was the hardest part
with that chair,
seeing it empty, like--
- Yeah.
- The first night.
The chair
is a relief to be gone.
But him not in the chair
was the saddest part.
- Yeah.
Of course.
- So, yeah.
- Yeah, it leaves
an empty space.
- Yeah, yeah.
* *
So...
it's...it's a good thing.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Aww, aww.
- Aww.
- You have your Swedes here.
- We need Joe in here.
- Yeah.
- Bring it in!
[laughs]
- It's a group hug.
- Yeah.
- Aww!
[laughter]
- Ella has--and I'm not saying
you guys don't have this,
but any time you're sad,
and Ella hugs you,
it's just the best hug ever!
Oh, she's the best.
You guys are the best.
Sorry!
[laughter]
- Let's go in the dining room.
- More red dots.
- More red dots, OK.
* *
- I put these three
up here on the table.
You told us when
we were in the closet
that these were very
important for you,
and that you wanted
to save some and give away?
- Yeah, so I do want
to save this one for myself.
These were something
that Landan
was very proud of wearing
and that was very special
for him.
Being that they are so special,
I do want to give these
to his kids.
- Mm-hmm.
- To Emma and Bubby.
- Yeah, so these are for them.
- Yeah, and this
will be in my box.
- Yeah, yes.
And the number 15?
- It's Pat Mahomes.
He's our quarterback.
- Oh, so he's the--
- Yeah, he's our--
- Really star.
- Yes, Yes.
He's very much loved
in this city.
- Keep box?
- Keep box...
- Yeah, that's the kids' box.
Kids keep. Yes.
- Down there?
- And this is just for me box.
- Yes.
- Yes.
- I think we got
a lot done today.
So...
- Yes.
- Take some rest, and
we'll see you both tomorrow.
- I'm excited, yes.
- Yes.
- Thank you so much too.
- Yeah, thank you.
- I definitely--
- Best hug.
- Oh, the best hug ever.
[laughter, chatter]
narrator: We agree, there is
nothing like a hug from Ella.
- See you.
- Bye.
- See you tomorrow.
- See you tomorrow.
* *
[soft music]
narrator: This has
been an emotional week.
So while Johan continues
working at the house,
Kat and Ella
are taking Tiffany out
to do some...
- We are taking these clothes
that Tiffany wants
to donate to a men's shelter
here in Kansas City.
This is a very good example
of Swedish death cleaning
to give it
to someone else instead
that could use
the things better.
This is longer sweatpants.
- Sweatpants, we'll put
actually on the shelf.
Awesome.
These are really nice clothes.
What caused you to donate?
- So my husband
passed away in April,
and he was diagnosed
with cancer.
So we just needed to do a
little Swedish death cleaning.
- Yes.
- I'm sorry to hear that.
I'm sorry to hear that,
but that's really awesome...
- Thank you.
Thank you very much, yeah.
- That you are repurposing.
- Yes, we wanted
to do something good,
you know, with the clothes,
and give back to the community.
- That's awesome.
- Landan would have loved that.
- This is shorts, Ella?
- Yeah, I can take those.
- This is shorts--
- Shorts, shorts.
- It's a lot of shorts.
- Yeah.
- He lived in them.
narrator: Hey, you can
never have too many shorts--
well, unless they're jorts,
jean shorts.
Like, yeah,
no more of those, please.
Talking to you, Uncle Paul.
- Tiffany, what's it like
now that you've actually--
- Gotten rid of everything.
- Yeah.
- It's weird
to get rid of it, but...
- I can imagine, yeah.
- It also feels good
to get rid of it as well.
I can't sit
in this stuff forever.
- Yeah, yeah.
- So to give back
to the community
is really what feels good.
I know this would make
him proud, you know?
- Yeah, yeah.
- So that is a good feeling.
So I wouldn't say
bad at all, but...
- Actually engaging
in service of other people,
helping others is one
of the best, most wisest thing
that you can do for yourself.
Research shows that
altruism, or kindness,
is one of the best ways
to help our own well-being.
- Ladies, this is Tamika.
both: Hello.
- She is our cook.
- It's nice to meet you.
- Kat--nice to meet you.
- So come over here with me,
and we'll get you a apron.
- OK, yes, ma'am.
All right, there you go.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
There you go.
- Yes.
I'm glad you're back here
volunteering.
- I am glad too!
- You said you were
gonna come back.
- I need to get back into this.
- Right.
- I'm just sitting at home now.
- Yeah, you will
have more time.
- Yeah.
- Yes.
- I definitely have
more time to volunteer,
so expect to see me.
[laughter]
- And I'll be looking for you.
- Yeah.
[laughter]
- Oh, you need a plate?
- One more plate.
- Yes, I need one more plate.
- Yes, we will fix that!
- Speaking on--
- Plate, Kat.
[laughter]
- She ain't messing around.
- Chicken!
OK.
- Ella's like,
ch-ch-ch, let's go!
narrator: Swedes. They're not
afraid to speak their minds.
And unlike many Americans,
they're also not afraid
to talk openly about death.
It's called...
* *
- Wow, look at that.
We've all seen
how compassionate
Tiffany can be towards others.
And now I want
to take it up a notch.
I would love to see
that compassion being turned
towards the most important
person in her life right now,
namely, herself.
Thank you for coming out here.
This is such a beautiful park.
- Yeah,
so Landan and I actually used
to come here
quite often with Bubbs.
- Oh, wow.
- So, yeah, it's
the full circle here today.
- Yeah, yeah.
- [laughs]
I wanted to have
a sit-down with you
to understand
how I can assist you
because I know you've
been through so much
the last two years.
What would you say this journey
has been like for you?
- My brain was at capacity,
is what I felt like.
- Yeah.
- It's like you're fighting,
like, tooth and nail
to help save this person,
and there's nothing you can do.
And it's very traumatic.
But at the same time,
I'm trying to take care
of everyone
still in the family.
- Yeah.
It's really like, you know,
the metaphor of the oxygen mask
that we need
to put it on ourselves
before we put it on our kid.
- Yeah, that's true.
- Because nothing's gonna work
if you're down.
- Correct, yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.
Would you like to share a bit
about his passing,
what that situation
was like for you?
- I told him all morning,
you know,
you have to go
to Hospice House,
because I was such
a caretaker at this point,
I wasn't able to have that time
as a wife in the last minutes.
- Yeah.
- And throughout
that whole morning,
I was just saying, you're--
we're gonna go
to Hospice House.
I'm gonna be with you.
I'm gonna cry.
And, um...
they were getting him ready
to put in this chair,
and they put a gait belt
around him.
And when they picked him up,
you could see him
leave his body.
He wasn't there anymore.
When I went to go give him
one last kiss,
I could feel how cold he was,
and that's the minute I knew...
- Yeah.
- That he was gone,
like, really.
- Mm.
- It's burned and etched
into my brain now.
- Yeah.
- That day was like
the worst day ever.
- Of course.
* *
Whenever we watch someone die
or be really badly hurt
or we fear for our own life,
that's a potential
for a trauma.
So it's very understandable
that your brain was like,
this is very, very scary.
I need to remember this
so vividly
so I will never have to
experience this again.
Sometimes, I have the saying,
like, emotions need motion.
And they will start
to move and transform
the more kind and loving
attention we give them,
because it is those peak,
scary experiences
that we often need
to revisit and kind of unpack
in a way that makes sense
for our brain.
* *
Speaking of all this
that we've just talked about,
I was curious
if you want to try
a little exercise that I love,
a practice of self-compassion.
So I can give
that compassion to yourself
that you
so willingly show others.
Are you willing to try?
- Yes.
[laughter]
I'm a little nervous though.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
* *
I'd love for you
to close your eyes,
so you have more
of an inward focus.
The first step is
to mindfully recognize the pain
that you're carrying.
You really tried your best,
and it still wasn't enough
to save him.
* *
Having
these painful experiences
is sometimes part
of being human.
Let yourself know
that you're seen,
and understood, and cared for,
from Tiffany to Tiffany.
As scary as this was,
you are here for her.
I see you.
I know what
you've been through.
I will listen.
I will make space.
Because you are
so very important to me.
* *
- Good stuff.
[laughs]
Thank you.
- Can I give you a hug?
- Yes!
- Thank you.
- I'm always up for a hug!
Thank you.
* *
[soft music]
* *
narrator: Earlier this week,
Tiffany was a woman
in a fog of grief and a house
full of football memorabilia.
Now it's time to see
if our gentle death cleaners
succeeded in creating a space
where she can begin to heal.
- We really worked hard
this week
to give Tiffany a fresh start.
Green plants,
comfortable design furniture,
room to entertain.
I can't wait
for her to see this.
* *
- Oh, my God!
- Hi! Welcome!
- Oh, my God.
narrator:
Before we show you if this
is Tiffany's happy face,
let's take it back.
When we arrived,
this dining room
was more like a sports bar.
And unlike that foam finger,
Tiffany was not
its number one fan.
- This is stunning.
Like, it's amazing.
Like, I can't--
I don't know what to say.
- What I love
about this dining room
is also repurposed
with a lot of space for friends
and family to sit around.
And you have
a big table because you
have the kids coming over.
So it can be a bit messy
at this table as well.
- Yes.
- It doesn't have to be
a proper brunch always.
And I think also
this reflects you more.
- Yes.
- It's a mature room.
You're a mature woman.
It feels very balanced
and cozy and warm,
a little bit like you, Tiffany.
- Yes.
- And then you
have a side table,
so you can serve a buffet.
- It's so beautiful.
- Mm-hmm.
- I love the stones too.
Oh, my gosh.
- So we have a new light
fixture over the table.
- And the new blinds.
I love the blinds.
And there's not all
that stuff on the...
- So you can both...
- Ledge there.
- Make like a cozy light
in here for dinner,
but also control the light
from outside.
- Oh, my gosh, I love it.
I'm like, my heart
is beating so fast right now.
- Does it still feel
like a man cave?
- No, not at all.
- No?
- No, it's beautiful.
- It's a Tiffany cave?
- Yes.
[laughter]
- Now it's the brunch cave.
- It's the brunch cave.
It's the brunch cave.
- I love the colors too.
It's just so mellow.
It's peaceful.
It's Zen.
I can't believe
this is my home.
I'm so blown away right now.
- Yeah, let's keep going.
- OK.
* *
narrator:
The old living room furniture
held a lot of emotional weight
for Tiffany--
weight that she
couldn't carry forever.
And the old office was not
at all conducive to work.
Well, good news.
- I love all of it, all of it.
* *
Oh, my God.
Couch--the couch!
- The couch!
- It's not, like, all torn up!
[laughs]
- So we have
all new furniture in here,
and a bit of a cozy
industrial feel to the lamp.
- Yeah.
- It's such a warm light now.
- Yeah.
- Yes.
It looks like
a totally different place.
It's so beautiful.
This couch,
it looks amazing though too.
Because I was worried.
I was like, oh, my gosh, is
the couch gonna be comfortable?
- Yeah.
- And it looks amazing.
It's perfect.
It's kind of crazy because
I feel like a new chapter.
- Yeah.
- So...
- I think
with the interior design here,
it's also balanced in the way
that it leaves space
for you to evolve.
It's not cluttered
with stuff or a new style.
It's more of your personality,
what you long for,
how you see yourself
in the future and right now.
So there's space
for that chapter to come
into this home now.
You're such a feminine person
and so sweet,
so one part
of the interior design
was to infuse that again
into your house and space.
And I really hope
you feel that.
- I do.
- Yeah.
- I do, and I love
that you just said that.
Because that was definitely
not in here before,
and now that is
the essence of this house.
Like, it's beautiful.
This is absolutely amazing.
- I really want
to show you the office now.
- I can't wait.
Oh, my God!
This is so amazing.
Oh, my gosh!
- Yes!
- Oh, I love that!
- Do you like it?
- Oh, and it's Landan.
- Yes.
- Hi.
Oh, my God, I love that.
- Mm.
You know,
there's always this balance,
like, you want Landan to be
a part of your home, of course,
because he's a part of you.
But now we made it
more intentional.
Here we made a Landan corner,
so you can come
and connect to him
and light a candle for him.
- Yes.
I love it.
The office looks so amazing.
- I want to take you
to your new bedroom now
and show you that space.
- Yes.
- Are you ready?
- Yes.
- Let's go.
narrator:
And lastly, the bedroom,
a room that was tight
and snug with full closets,
one of which still had all
of Landan's clothes.
- Let's see your new bedroom.
- Oh, my goodness.
Feels more, like,
spacious in here.
- Yes.
- I love it.
Oh, my God.
Oh, wow!
I love that.
- Buddha?
He's gonna watch over
you when you sleep.
- Yes, yes!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
I can actually see stuff.
- Yes.
- I, like, forgot
I had half these clothes...
- Yes.
- Because they were just
stuffed in there.
- Yeah, they were very--
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- It was a hot mess--
- Like help!
[laughter]
Before.
- Oh, my goodness!
- We did some work
on the other side.
- I want to see that,
yes, please!
- Yes, and I know that
was the tough part for you.
But let's see what
we have done here.
* *
- Oh, my gosh.
- Here.
- Oh, wow, yes!
Oh, man.
- So this was Landan's
closest before.
- Yes, it looks so amazing.
Wow.
- And up here,
we didn't erase Landan.
Because here, you see this box
that says "Just For Me" box.
Let's see
if I can take it down.
- Oh, careful, OK.
- A "Just For Me" box
is a box where
you can have your treasures
that are just for you.
So here is--
- Oh, yeah.
Oh, my God!
- So here you have this--
this one.
- Yes!
- That you also chose
to have...
- Yes.
- To take when you want
to remember,
so you have this box.
- My favorite, yes.
And that's so beautiful.
That's so perfect.
- Yes.
Now I think
you're gonna have a place
to also just be
and take time also to grieve.
- Now I can be comfortable
and just relax...
- Yes.
- And enjoy life now,
you know?
- Let's go and see
what the others are up to.
Wow, wow,
there they are sitting.
- Hi, girls.
- Hi.
[laughter]
- So how are you feeling?
- Good.
It's so amazing, like, what
you guys did with everything.
- Well, we didn't
only do all of this--
you were a part of it.
- It's been wonderful,
like, learning,
you know,
really to let go of some things
that really don't--
they're just material things,
you know?
And learning to sit
with my grief, and that's OK.
Yeah.
- Feels like this was
Landan's last gift to her,
to have some help
getting her home in order
and feeling that
this is actually her home now.
- Well, it's time
for champagne.
- OK.
- It's champagne o'clock!
Oh!
[laughter]
- Oh, my God!
OK.
Are you OK?
- I want to propose a toast.
- Yes.
- To Tiffany.
- Aww.
- For being so strong,
compassionate,
and wanting to learn
during this week.
You have been just fabulous.
Cheers.
- Oh!
Cheers!
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
- Yes.
- I'm so proud of Tiffany
and the hard work
that she put in this week.
But we have
one more surprise for her.
narrator: You heard the lady,
one more surprise on the way.
[crowd roaring]
narrator: Today, our death
cleaners have arranged
a very special visit for
Tiffany and her bonus kids--
Arrowhead Stadium, home
of the Kansas City Chiefs.
And by now, if you don't
know that Tiffany, Landan,
and the kids are the biggest
fans of this NFL team,
well, where have you been
for the last hour?
- Hi!
Hello.
- So good to see you again.
- Kat, this is Bubby.
Ella, Johan.
- I'm Kat.
Nice to meet you.
- Marta, Emma.
- Hi.
- Hello.
- Marta, nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you, I'm Kat.
Nice to meet you.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- Marta, nice to meet you.
- Emma, nice to meet you.
- Come, come.
- So this is called the Locker
Room Club for the Chiefs.
- Amazing.
- I've always wanted
to see what it looks like.
Like, it's exciting.
- Yeah.
- I mean,
I've been in this stadium,
but just as someone
watching the game,
never behind the scenes
and getting to see
all the cool, different things
they have here.
- Of course, like, we wish that
Landan would have been here.
- Yeah.
- He would be freaking
out right now.
[laughter]
He would be definitely, yeah.
- When someone passes,
of course,
the pain and the sadness
is just obvious.
But it's so important to also
every now and then seek out
those happy memories that
you shared with that person
to bring them closer
to you in your heart.
And this is what we want you
to experience today.
Let's create, like,
a happy memory to honor
Landan's love for the Chiefs.
- I like that.
- Yes.
- Death cleaning process, it
can sound so dramatic and sad.
But it's really about,
like, digging out the gold,
finding those items,
and treasure them.
And we would love you
to hand these out...
- It's gonna make me
cry already.
- To the kids.
- Oh, OK.
It was very important for me,
and really for Landan,
to leave his legacy
to the kids.
I'll go ahead
and start with Marta.
There was something
about each of those pieces
that he loved so much.
I picked this out
especially for you--
one of his favorite
Chiefs hats.
So I want you to have that.
- Thank you.
- I love you.
* *
Emma, I want you to have
his first Mahomes jersey
because he was so proud
of those jerseys.
[crying]
I love you.
* *
And, Bubby, I'm gonna give you
Dad's Super Bowl Jersey
because this was
his favorite jersey.
And it's going to bring you
lots of love and lots of luck.
OK?
- I'll put it in my collection.
- OK, I love you.
Pretty cool, huh?
- My mom is gonna be jealous.
[laughter]
- Isn't it fantastic to have
two mothers in your life
that cares for you?
* *
Wow!
- Ah!
- That's cool!
- I love it!
- I really like how Tiffany,
as a bonus mom,
includes Landan's kids
in this death cleaning
because this will give them
an opportunity to remember
what their father
was really like.
And this is part of
his legacy that we want
to keep on giving to them.
- You look so cool!
- Yeah, wow.
- Yes.
- Let's go out that door.
- OK.
* *
- Oh, wow.
- Welcome out.
- Oh, my gosh.
* *
- Oh, I've got goosebumps.
[laughs]
* *
- Never in a million years
this would happen.
- Oh, my gosh!
Oh, my goodness!
- Oh, my gosh, look!
- Look at the screen.
- Oh!
[emotional music]
* *
- Are you serious?
[crying]
- That is so cool.
Oh, my God.
He would be freaking out.
[soft music]
* *
- Come on, Bud.
- This is crazy.
Like, I just can't
explain, like,
how appreciative I am of that.
- Just seeing him,
like, on the big screen.
You know, like, this is
where you watch the games,
where you see a replay,
and instead he got
to be right there.
Like, that's just really cool.
Thank you guys, a lot, really.
- I never met Landan,
but after this week,
I feel that I have done that
in kind of a way when Tiffany
have talked about him
and we have gone
through his stuff.
I feel honored to have
helped her with that.
- Guys, come on out!
Come on out here!
Welcome to GEHA Stadium
at Arrowhead.
Hi, I'm Tim Grunhard.
- Hi.
Hi.
Thank you.
- Very nice to meet you.
- Oh, my God.
Thank you for being here.
- Hi, how are you?
Tim Grunhard.
Very nice to meet you.
What's up, brother?
First of all, guys, we are
so blessed and thankful
and honored for you guys
to come and share
your day with us today.
And it's so cool to have
Landan up on the jumbotron.
- Yeah.
- The only time
I was on the jumbotron
was after holding calls,
so I just--
[laughter]
You know, I was lucky enough
to play 11 years here
with the Kansas City Chiefs.
And when I was a rookie,
And he died of cancer also.
And I had nobody except
for my Chiefs family.
And now you are
a part of the family.
Hold on--you're almost part
of the family,
because you don't
have a Chief thing on.
So I have to give you
my jersey.
[laughter]
You need to put it on too,
there, Tiffany.
- Oh, that is so cool!
- But now you are officially
a part of the Chiefs family.
- Aww, thank you.
I just remember being,
like, family
when the Chiefs come on.
Like, we--
like, no matter what,
we had people
that were friends,
but they are our family.
And they would come over,
and I would cook.
And Landan ended up getting me
my own big screen
for the dining room
to watch the Chiefs play.
So I knew what
they were screaming,
and I would be
with them screaming
as well from the kitchen.
- He kind of made you feel like
you were here at the stadium
because he'd be yelling
along with the refs,
like, watching it from home.
It felt like you were always at
a game when you were with him.
- That's awesome.
We know how important the
community is to you guys too.
So what we'd like to do is
the Hunt Family Foundation
and the Kansas
City Chiefs would like
to donate, in Landan's name,
$50,000 to Harvesters.
They do so much
for needy people
in Kansas City
and the houseless.
It's like these guys,
I mean, they're so awesome.
- That's so amazing.
Oh, my God.
- They're here
to help you guys to get
through this transition.
And now you guys
have an opportunity.
- Yes, in Landan's name.
- In Landan's name...
- That's beautiful.
- To help out
some other people.
- Your dad went out
and helped hand out, you know,
lunches to people
that didn't have homes.
And now in your dad's name,
there are a lot of people
are going to get fed.
Thank you so much.
Oh, my gosh.
We love you.
- Big hug, group hug here?
- Oh, yes!
- Thank you.
- Yes!
- All right.
Say hut.
- Hut!
[laughs]
- What do I do?
- Oh!
Don't kick the ball!
It's football!
[laughter]
- It was like he was
looking down on us,
being there with us.
- Attention, hut!
- The kids are gonna
remember this,
and they're gonna remember
that this was, you know,
part of their dad's legacy
and that they got to be a part
of this very special memory
because of Dad.
- Touchdown!
- Oh, whoo!
- I actually can't express
the amount of gratitude
that I have
for the death cleaners
and how much they've helped me.
Thank you so much!
- No problem!
- Oh, this is amazing!
I think I'm ready to figure out
what I want this next chapter
to, you know, be about.
And I think it's--well, I know
what it's gonna be about.
It's gonna be about me and
learning to love myself more.
- And Landan, yeah!
* *
[no audio]
[soft music]
* *
Welcome to our World! Where we serve you cookies to ensure you get the best viewing experience on our site.
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
01x08 - Landan's Final Gift
Watch/Buy Amazon
on the Swedish practice of döstädning, where people get rid of unnecessary belongings and put their homes in order.
on the Swedish practice of döstädning, where people get rid of unnecessary belongings and put their homes in order.