01x04 - Episode 4

[bunniefuu]

Bomani: the u.s. Is going

Back to the men's world cup,

Tracy morgan is here to talk

About them sorry a*s knicks,

And america's slapping coach k's

Grave like it's cameron indoor

Court.

Run it!

[Applause]

Thank you.

Y'all watch the game last night?

Yesterday, despite what you may

Think, north carolina won it

All.

All right, we're down to 5,

4, 3, 2, 1.

Unc tarheels have just won the

Game!

Look at this!

They just won the game, guys!

Bomani: it's not even a game.

They stormed the floor.

That's what I'm saying.

I know that was just

The men's final four, but unc

Doesn't even need to play that

Title game.

They already won something

Better than a championship!

Actually, they won that last

Month!

At mike krzyzewski's final home

Game, forcing him and his

Players to sit through that

Postgame ceremony dripping with

Loser juice.

No trophy feels better than

Watching that.

Students storming franklin

Street, celebrating a shocking

Win over duke during coach k's

Final home game.

This is the best day

Of my life.

Like, coach k's last game.

Whoo!

I smashed the ottoman.

I think I might have hit it

A couple of times.

We might have hurt our

Ottoman.

Bomani: a celebration so big

Even old white people forgot

They hate destruction of

Property for one night.

Look, don't get me wrong,

Last night was pretty good.

But while cutting down nets

Is fun, even better is being the

Last team in all of basketball

History to hand coach k an l.

See, when it comes down to a

Choice between a rivalry and a

Championship, the beef always

Wins.

Speaking of beef, you guys still

Got beef with hubert davis

Over this one?

I'm very proud to be

African-american,

But I'm also very proud

That my wife is white.

Bomani: it's doesn't sound

Like you're letting that go.

Think about it.

Look at tom brady.

He retired from a contender out

Of nowhere, and then 40 days

Later he's back in the league.

So I guess football's the only

Thing he's more addicted to than

That weird a*s water he said

Prevents concussions,

C.t. Elixir or something.

But what changed?

It's simple!

Bruce arians stopped coaching.

Bruce arians retiring as head

Coach of the buccaneers.

He will move into a front office

Role with the team.

Tom brady posted the

Following statement

About arians on his instagram,

Saying quote, "you're an

Incredible man and coach.

It was a privilege to play

For you."

Bomani: he left out the

Part where he said he's going to

Miss them working together.

It's like sending someone an

Anniversary card that says "it's

Been a year, relax."

And truly nobody has seen brady

This happy since trump won.

And we won't see him this happy

Again until trump wins in 2024.

Even lebron james is gettin' in

On petty fever.

Dude has got a rivalry with

Anyone who thinks he isn't

The goat.

He's fighting the ghost of

Michael jordan and everyone who

Loves jordan.

He started a business empire

Like jordan,

Starred in "space jam"

Like jordan, wore 23

Like jordan.

The only things lebron hasn't

Copied from jordan are humongous

Jeans and that hitler mustache.

And lebron's obsession with

Beating kareem abdul-jabbar's

Scoring record is his latest

Attempt to surpass michael.

But the lakers are making that

Quest rather difficult.

Yes, I get frustrated and

Angry from losses and things we

Could have done better and

Things of that nature,

But once I leave the arena, I

Leave it there and let's move on

To the next thing, so...

I'm literally having the time of

My life right now.

Bomani: you're having

The time of your life right now,

Is anyone else in the

Organization?

Is russell westbrook having fun?

He's about to pull his kids out

Of school.

Is anthony davis having fun?

He looks like the only person

That misses the nba bubble.

Frank vogel?

His house just showed up

On zillow.

And really, to anyone saying

Lebron isn't pettily

Chasing kareem, do you think

He's dropping 40 a game to drag

This sorry-a*s team to the

Play-in where they can lose to

The pelicans?

The same dudes who were asking

"Why he don't want me?"

When lebron kicked them out of

Town?

Hell no!

Lebron attempts to crash the

Boards, you see him go down

Because he hurt his ankle in the

Process.

Take another look.

Urrrgh.

That's tough to look at.

Bomani: he wants it so bad

This dude rolled his ankle

Harder than an

Upper-middle class girl at

Coachella, his ankle rolled

Nastier than someone licking a

Blunt wrapper with a cold sore,

He rolled his ankle so bad he

Actually rolled his calf

That was last sunday, and he

Still came back to play friday.

Normally when lebron gets hurt

Like that, he lays up for two

Weeks, creating a new slightly

r*cist food trend on instagram.

Taco tuesday!

Ai-ai-ai-a-ai!

Bomani: yo, that was wild.

But the biggest rivalry

Participant of the week?

There was one clear winner.

Of course, I'm talking about

The smack seen around the world.

An ugly moment between

Chris rock and will smith.

Take a look.

Oh, wow.

Welcome to earth.

Wow.

Bomani: dude,

Here's the thing:

I don't even think they're

Really rivals.

Chris rock took that smack

Because will can't smack his

Real competition.

Makaveli the don.

Were you ever jealous of the

Love jada had for tupac?

Oh, f*ck yeah.

They never had a sexual

Relationship, but she just loved

Him like he was the image of

Perfection, but she was with the

Fresh prince.

Bomani: everybody felt that.

Bright side, will.

If she did sleep with him,

She would have told you.

And everybody else.

I got into an entanglement

With august.

That's what I said.

Bomani: so, yeah, I kind of

Understand why will went all hit

Him up, instead of just taking a

g*dd*mn joke.

All of this on the night that

Was supposed to be will smith's

Crowning achievement as an

Actor.

His coronation night.

Come on, man, this was the

Culmination of all your hard

Work.

You didn't play a poor person

17 Times for this.

Yet, he still chose rivalry

Over trophy.

'Cause no matter the banner,

No matter the trophy,

It's a universal truth:

Petty wins.

And no one knows petty like

Sports fans.

From message boards to the

Arena, the real people in the

Seats feel those rivalries in

Their bones.

So I had to hit the streets to

Ask them if petty could ever go

Too far.

Have you ever heckled

Somebody of exporting and -- at

A sporting event?

Lebron.

Have you ever heckled someone

At a sporting event?

Every yankee fan at every

Game just says f*ck altuve.

Bomani: someone whose name

Is altuve might be walking past.

Mild, medium, spicy.

I do not like you.

Miles.

Bomani: damn, dude.

Your fat as hell.

Do we need to put a treadmill in

The strip club?

His dream would be to send your

a*s to the g league.

What if a white person inside

It?

That's a problem.

Bomani: you play like lamar

Odom passed out unconscious.

I don't find that offensive.

Bomani: mad funny.

That's how new york she is.

Mad funny.

You missed so many shots the

Police union wants tiring to

Help their p.r.

[Laughs]

Is it bad that I kind of like

That one?

Bomani: I will pull a

Ticket on your family well I

Kidnapped them and take them to

Europe as hostages and you have

To make two free throws to get

Them back.

This is a long-winded heckling.

This goes beyond heckling.

Someone who is very literate.

That's your baby, tristan

Thompson.

Pay your child support.

That is spicy.

Bomani: I'm going to sweep

Your mother off her feet, mary

Her, and then f*ck her over the

Way you are f*cking over this

Team.

Would you tag bad about altuve's

Mom?

f*ck altuve's mom.

Bomani: damn.

Well, the knicks are out of the

Playoffs again.

So I had to talk to comedian,

Actor, and native new yorker

Tracy morgan.

He's been rooting for them his

Entire life and I just want to

Know...

How?

Why?

When I did b*mb, it was

Hilarious.

If I am going down, I am taking

All of you all with me.

I don't just b*mb.

Mayday, mayday, mayday.

You know what I mean?

I am snapping on everybody.

Bomani: you are a knicks

Fan.

Tracy: I want to call

Timeout.

Bomani: for those of us not

From new york, we find you to be

So funny.

Tracy: it's okay to not to

Be from new york.

It's okay to not be in the know.

You're born and raised in

New york city, you want to know

From the time you're 10 years

Old.

Bomani: all you all know is

Them losing and that gets

Confusing.

You get so optimistic and

Excited.

Tracy: they are coming on

Now.

We are playing the young boys.

We have derose, the veteran taj.

Like I tell all the knicks fans,

Be patient.

We might not be ready right now.

I don't want to make that excuse

And say we just want to compete.

We want to compete and we want

To win.

I feel it.

Deep down inside I feel it

Coming on.

I see the ring.

I see it's coming.

Bomani: I want to ask you

This about the knicks.

Why is it that team holds the

City in that way?

The yankees do all the winning

But the emotion behind them

Isn't the same.

Tracy: backup.

You have wall street.

If you want to chew.

Everybody's waiting.

Waiting for the chip to come

Masfar as the knicks are concer.

Eight years.

We got to the playoffs.

I remember that game.

I was there when we lost.

Trae young spit on the floor and

I threatened him.

There's going to be a problem in

Here.

There is in here.

It's just a game.

You don't spit on the floor.

You don't do that.

Bomani: who are you not

Rocking with?

Tracy: lebron.

He never came to new york.

Bomani: teasing.

The blue and orange.

Tracy: riding the trains, I

Get it.

Maybe all those things.

Bomani: he goes to the

Garden and kills it every time.

Tracy: I was mad when jay z

Did what he did with brooklyn.

He left because he came an

Agent.

You cant own a team and be an

Agent.

Bomani: how do you feel

About the nets?

You're from brooklyn.

Tracy: the who?

Bomani: nets.

The building is right down the

Street from where you grew up.

Tracy: I know.

So?

Just because I'm from brooklyn

Doesn't mean I need to be a nets

Fan.

I'm a knicks fan.

Bomani: talking about

Things in your life that you can

Believe that have happened.

Getting knicks court side

Tickets had to be a moment.

Tracy: I started up there.

I made my way all the way down

To my career.

My career and I'm on the

Sideline.

I'm a fixture at the garden with

The knicks.

I love my knicks.

Period.

Bomani: my man, I

Appreciate you.

Tracy: I love you.

Bomani: you are playing

Golf.

Newspaper wrapped with

Packing tape.

Bomani: any event you can

Get tickets to, what would it

Be?

The masters.

Super bowl.

The mets gala.

I want to watch celebrities do

Coke in the bathroom.

Something wrong with that.

I want to say the u.s. Open

Or some sort of tennis event.

If you learned there was

Shady stuff going on, would you

Still want to go?

For sure.

I think I would want to go more.

The fashion industry itself

Is pretty shady.

I know what I think a shady

Going out at the met gala, a

Conspiracy to get black people

To dress as ridiculous as

Possible so they can laugh at

Us.

Do we need the met gala for

That?

Have you been to atlanta?

Bomani: what if I said

There was a shady back story to

The masters.

If tiger woods was playing.

Bomani: this week all eyes

Are on augusta national.

The procedures club in georgia.

It is lit.

Homecoming for the 1%.

White-collar all star weekend.

Rich folk freaknik!

And you know what goes on at

Freaknik?

Law enforcement targets

Events like the masters for

Increased sex trafficking

Activity.

We've seen that there's

A spike in these types of

Activities during these

Special events.

People come to these events

To have a good time and, uh,

Some people's definition of a

Good time differs from what the

Law's idea of a good time is.

Bomani: he couldn't figure

Out how to say that.

Maybe the fans think

Those green masters jackets are

A tribute to bishop don magic

Juan.

The green is for the money and

The gold is for the honey.

But to put it simply, the

Masters is a flex of power and

Control.

And despite everything I suspect

About the people behind the

Masters, they give us this

Perfect week in sports.

And I love it.

Every year, I eat that sh*t up

Like those turkeys nino brown

Gave away at thanksgiving.

Behold, augusta national.

Look at that sh*t.

The water just glistening.

The flowers blooming

In technicolor.

Grass looks like they put

Bonnets on it every night to

Keep it intact.

The fairway wakes up in the

Morning like...

Yes, yes.

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

Stiff where?

Stiff where?

For real, stiff where?

Bomani: put them fairways

On the cover.

In 1986, jim nantz came up with

The perfect description for the

Masters.

A tradition unlike any other.

A tradition unlike any other.

A tradition unlike any other.

Like jim nantz says,

Tradition

Unlike any other.

It's a tradition unlike any

Other.

Welcome back to butler cabin

And this tradition unlike any

Other.

Bomani: he just sounds like

Money.

That man has been 62

Since he was 25.

Now, augusta national completely

Controls their image.

Which includes trademarking

Everything.

The green jackets?

Trademarked.

The famous pimento cheese

Sandwiches they sell

For a buck-fifty?

Trademarked!

And you know damn well

They trademarked this.

This tradition unlike any

Other.

Bomani: I ain't no snitch,

But I'm not sure everyone got

The memo on this one.

It's a tradition unlike any

Other.

Hockey fans in nashville

Throwing catfish on the ice.

A tradition unlike any other.

It's no pants day

In san francisco.

Tradition unlike any other.

Yes, it's that time of the year

Again.

Time for some ritual

Indian baby tossing.

Bomani: that's more like

A michael jackson tradition like

No other.

Them babies built different over

There.

The masters branding is a beast.

They sell the official gear

Exclusively on location for only

The week of the tournament.

It's like a supreme burbery

Pop-up for middle-aged white

Dudes.

Michael boyd and his buddies

Have made their second trip to

The pro shop this week.

When we first got here,

We did the opening ceremony,

Went into the store, spent two

Hours shopping.

I got hats, shirts, jackets.

The number one thing I wanted

To get was my flag here.

I'm going to put a big three

Foot poster in my man cave.

Anything that has that

Masters logo.

When you see it, you know where

It's from, you know it's an

Invite only party, and you want

To be a piece of it.

Bomani: I know a hype beast

When I see one.

During the masters,

They call the

Customers patrons, because

Calling them peasants is tacky.

The members of the club put on

Their green jackets and give

Directions around the facilities

Like filthy rich hall monitors.

They even control how you

Celebrate, golfers included.

These are the words of augusta's

Cofounder, golf legend bobby

Jones.

"It is appropriate for

Spectators to applaud --"

Man, we ain't reading all that

sh*t.

They got more rules than big

Mama's den with the plastic on

The couch.

Even the words coming out the

Mouths of broadcasters are

Restricted.

This is gary mccord in 1994.

These greens are absolutely

Just like glass.

I don't think they cut them

Out here.

I think they use bikini wax

On them.

Bomani: but he

Never worked the masters again.

They grabbed him by the roots

And yanked his a*s outta amen

Corner.

He was messing up the brand.

A brand like that has to be

Flawless to keep us from

Thinking about

All that tradition jim nantz

Is talking about.

But in fairness, is masters

History any different than

American history?

Classism?

Check.

Sexism?

Check.

Racism?

Check.

Add a little genocide

And the masters completes

The set.

At least on the racism front,

There's bad news and good news.

Bad news: the co-founder of the

Club clifford roberts is

Famously believed to have said,

"As long as I'm alive, all the

Golfers will be white, and all

The caddies will be black."

Good news: he shot himself

On the par-three course in 1977.

And then finally we got some

Progress.

Whatever you think about their

Legacy at august, it doesn't

Really matter.

They so rich they do what rich

People never do, turn money

Down.

Augusta national, they have

No interest in making money.

They don't sell that many

Tickets.

The crowd is a little bit more

Highbrow as opposed to who would

They only allow four minutes

Of commercials to be run per

Hour.

You'd think they'd make a buck

Off concessions?

No.

Check out these prices.

Less than three bucks

For a beer.

Bomani: yes, those are all

Those scoring at home

That is darren rovell

And no, that's not

A real masters jacket.

By the way, they don't even need

Cbs.

Cbs needs them.

In 1965, your boy cliff

"All black caddies" roberts told

America on live tv that the next

Masters would be broadcast

In color.

Not "with" color

Not "for" color...

"In" color.

Except he hadn't bothered to

Tell anybody at cbs.

Cbs executives were at home

Begging for a crossover promo

Like, "the only grass greener

Than our fairways is

On green acres!

Wednesdays at 9!"

How do you score tickets to the

Masters?

It's kind of like the snkrs app.

Fans play a lottery for the

Privilege of buying single-day

Tickets.

We waited 10 years

To win the lottery.

About 25 or 30 times.

I was in the lottery

For 24 years.

It's the hardest ticket

In sports.

Bomani: and they're not even

Price gouging.

The haves and the have-nots

Alike find the prices

Affordable.

That's the masters' way of

Saying just because you have

Enough money to buy a ticket

Doesn't mean you can tell us

What to do.

It's manufacturing exclusivity.

Why you think black people

Across the world stayed up to

Watch meghan markle join one of

The most r*cist institutions on

The planet?

Because we wanted to be part of

Some exclusive sh*t too.

Marrying into the royal family

Is hard.

But getting a membership

At augusta?

There's no application.

Your highest reference

Don't mean sh*t to them.

They just let you know.

Augusta national is so

Secretive, it won't reveal the

Names of its members or even how

Many of them tere are.

Reportedly, there are 300,

All by invitation only.

All issues of membership are

Now and have been historically

Subject to the private

Deliberations of the members.

Bomani: don't say

You want to be a member.

They think that's tasteless.

Bill gates had his people deny

He wanted an invite.

Then eventually, he ended up

Getting in.

Passive aggressive m*therf*cker.

The club is so exclusive even

Winning the masters won't

Guarantee membership.

Jack nicklaus and arnold palmer

Are the only two masters winners

To have gotten in.

Tiger woods?

Augusta treats tiger like

Cinderella.

He can have fun in that jacket

Until the clock strikes midnight

And then everybody at that party

Asks him to bring their cars

Around.

He may not have a membership,

But he has their attention.

That's why they tried so hard to

Humble him.

Tiger destroyed the course in

1997 And had the nerve to say

It wasn't that hard.

Look what happened next.

After tiger woods owned

Augusta over a decade ago,

They had to tigerproof it.

He won by 12 shots,

They tigerproofed the course.

Many say that augusta

Has been tigerproofed.

Yeah.

They've lengthened it and

Added some trees that tiger used

To hit it over.

Bomani: tigerproofing?

That sounds like what sigfried

And roy forgot to do that one

Night.

You know you've gone too far

When they don't laugh

That hard and then clap.

The wall street journal figured

Out augusta has spent about

$200 Million buying up

Properties around the club.

All so they could have more

Control.

Now see, this is augusta

National.

The only sign of life

In a concrete desert.

Look at the rest of the

Neighborhood, looking like kevin

Durant's leg.

Hey, augusta, put some lotion

On your city!

But why are the richest people,

Most powerful people, most

Impervious people trying to

Impress us?

At the end of the day,

The masters is a public

Relations effort.

Because deep down, the one

Percent want us to love them.

Even if we don't know who the

f*ck they are.

And I can't even knock it.

Because it works.

When you're coming up

The road to the club.

Magnolia lane.

Oh, my god, it's just

Incredible.

So many people I knew who

Loved golf and idolized

Golf...what they would pay to be

In that position.

First time I played it, it

Was the most nerve wracking

Thing I've ever done.

Why?

Just because of what it is.

When people say, tom, what's

The city of augusta like,

What do you tell them?

[Singing]

♪ I feel good ♪

James brown.

Bomani: hit me!

See, someone knows

The godfather of soul is from

Augusta too.

For seven days a year, they let

Us feel like we're part of the

Club.

Then at sunset on sunday?

If you ain't got no money,

Take yo broke a*s home!

But they need to appease us.

Because there's more of us than

Them and who do you think is

First up against the wall

Come the revolution?

"The masters," and everything

They represent.

Talk yo sh*t!

Bomani: damn right.

This is why we can

Allow ourselves to watch the

Masters year after year.

Because the flex is a front.

They make the course look just

Like heaven because they know

They're headed straight to hell.

The masters is just subway

Selling pimento cheese

Sandwiches after the jared

Scandal.

Keep the sandwiches

Approximately a foot long,

And we'll pretend you don't

Disgust us.

And the masters isn't alone

In this.

In february, liv golf

Investments announced a new

Saudi arabian-backed golf league

Fronted by greg norman.

And just like the shark,

Phil mickelsen blew it

At the end.

He said the quiet part out loud

About his benefactors.

They're scary blanks to get

Involved with.

We know they k*lled khashoggi.

The reporter.

And have a horrible record on

Human rights.

They execute people over there

For being g*y.

Knowing all of this, why would I

Even consider it?

Because this is a

Once-in-a-lifetime opportunity

To reshape how the pga tour

Operates.

Bomani: so you can see why

Phil won't be at the masters

This week.

His mistake was starting with

The bad sh*t.

All he had to do was take all

That dirty oil money,

Shut up, stage the perfect

Tournament, and not let people

Know that the saudis have

Something in common with the

People behind the masters.

Through history.

Phil mickelson is no jim nantz.

And that's why the saudis and

The masters told phil the same

Exact thing,

"Shut your a*s up!"

Most of us are never going to

See the incredible production

That is the masters,

So at "game theory," we got our

Own flex and we are throwing our

Own tournament on the shady,

Dirty streets of new york city.

[Applause]

And unlike augusta,

Everybody's invited.

May we present the street

Masters.

Welcome back to live coverage of

The 2022 street masters, the

Only tournament anyone can play

In, even someone walking by.

Do you want to get in this golf

Tournament?

Street golf legend tiger hood

Is taking on james davis and

They are tide.

It all comes down to this.

What time are you starting

This sh*t?

The first one to get it in

Wins the tournament.

It could take five seconds or

Five outs.

Nobody knows.

That's what makes it so

Special.

It's not pretentious like the

Other tournament in a gusto.

The word on the street is

That the masters pumps and audio

Of bird sounds to add to the

Ambience of the tv broadcast.

Here, you will hear just about

Everything.

f*ck out of the street!

I would think the famous

Cheese sandwiches couldn't be

Topped.

Boy, was I wrong.

We serve whole a*s main

Lobsters.

Augusta national might have

Its beautiful azalea that line

The fairways, here we have

Bodega flowers.

They are teeing off on the 18th

Hole.

Let's go to flyover cam.

Over five bags of pizza boxes,

Diapers.

If your ball gets there, it

Belongs to the streets.

Don't know if that's water or

Piss.

This is tiger's last fall.

Let's watch a replay brought to

You by my brother's kid who

Knows how to do all that sh*t

With his iphone.

Congratulations, tiger hood.

We will present the winner with

The james brown memorial green

Cape.

I feel good.

Fabulous.

For ben lions and tiger hood,

I am bomani jones.

Peace out.

[Applause]

Bomani: that's been our

Show tonight.

We hope you enjoyed it at home.

How do I feel about it?

Tell 'em.

I feel good!

Bomani: you should change

Your name to qanon because only

The craziest m*therf*ckers I

Know believe in you.

That's a good one.

We have not found it yet.

It's all fair game with rachel

Dolezal.

I went to howard with her.

She was white then.

What's off-limits?

Yo mama.

What if his mama's so fat

James harden wants to wear her

To get out of philly.

So you're saying all is fair

As long as it's high-quality?

If it's a good burn, you've

Got to eat it.

Take it home.

It's not wrong.