03x03 - Lights, Camera, m*rder

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

[ Indistinct conversations ]

♪♪

Hello. Thank you!

Alright, guys, standing by!

Quiet on set please!

- Alright. Nina, I need you over
here, there, alright?

Now lean right over them, okay?

And, yeah, now, they should
be quivering, Nina, alright?

Quivering.
Lots of energy, guys, okay?

Are we there?

You good?

Okay?

Alright, all set, guys.
Let's go.

End the scene.



And...

action!

I knew it!

- It's not what it looks like.
- What?

You tripped and your manhood
accidentally fell into the sl*t

who happened to be naked
in our bed?!

Darling, let me explain.

- You knew I needed help
with the baby

after the doctors
removed my brain tumor.

You swore you wouldn't
cheat on me again.

And I meant it, baby.

- I knew you wouldn't be able to
keep your hands off an au pair.

She seduced me.

Baby, I didn't know
what I was doing!

- So I decided to teach you
a lesson.

What lesson?

- I didn't hire her
because she's good with kids.

I hired her because I knew
you'd sleep with her.

I hired her because...

she's your daughter!

[ Gasps ]

[ Dramatic music plays ]

[ Retches ]

- She's the product of
the first woman

you screwed behind my back
on our wedding night.

Tell me, when you're in bed...

Does she call you Daddy?

[ Laughing ]

Is nobody going to call "cut"?

[ Sighs ]

[ Choking ]

[ Screams ]

[ All screaming ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Just this way.

The networks won't let us
film again

while there's
an open investigation.

I want Danny's k*ller found
so he can have justice,

obviously
but I am also a producer.

It's been a week.

I'm in charge of a crew and cast
of over two hundred people...

And every day that
"Dublin Streets" is not filming,

we are bleeding money.

I'm going to have to start
letting people go.

- And the police haven't
got anywhere, Jim?

They're completely stumped.

Why am I not surprised?

- Look, I am willing to pay you
whatever you need,

give you full access.

I'm desperate.

♪♪

So, err...

This was where we were filming.

Jason, Nina and Crystal --

they play Jack,
Yvonne and Sylvia --

they were in here
with our cameramen,

our loader and boom operator.

Your what now?

Boom operator.

Sound guy.

Sorry, I forget how confusing
our business

is to non-industry people.

- In our business, we just
call people suspects.

Indeed.

I was downstairs in
the living area with Geraldine,

our writer,
our standby art director Wayne,

and our script supervisor Edel.

She makes sure that the actors
are sticking to their lines.

Shall we go onto the landing?

[ Camera shutter clicks ]

[ Sniffs ]

Strong smell of paint up here.

This is where Danny was.

There was a lot of blood.

The Guards advised us
to clean it up

once forensics were done.

We couldn't risk the paparazzi
breaking in and getting pics.

So, Danny was out here alone
when he was attacked.

- Could somebody have
come upstairs?

We were downstairs.

Everybody else was outside.

Nobody came in through
the front door, or the back.

How did his k*ller get to him?

- Well, somebody must have
come in here.

- No, nobody moved
from their place.

- Well, who would have wanted
to k*ll him?

Did he have...enemies?

- I don't know.
Look...

Danny was an incredible
director.

Our ratings were soaring.

He made our show look like
a Hollywood outfit

on a biscuit budget.

He didn't have any close family.

He pretty much lived for
his work.

It's a bloody mystery.

That's what it is.

- Could we see the scene
you were filming?

Yes, of course.

- I didn't hire her because
she's good with kids.

I hired her because I knew
you'd sleep with her.

I hired her because...

she's your daughter!

Holy crap!

Very Shakespearean.

Wait, wait.

- Play that again.
- What, the "daughter" line?

- She's the product --

[ Tape rewinding ]

I hired her because...

she's your daughter!
[ Rattle]

[ Gasps]

What was that?

Could be anything.

We try to keep the set silent,

but sometimes people shift
their weight on a floorboard,

or bang a door somewhere.

The microphones,
they're sensitive,

even with the ceilings muffled.

Tell me, when you're in bed...

Does she call you Daddy?

- Oh! I think I might start
watching this show!

- [ Laughing]
[ Ringtone plays ]

- Excuse me.
- Yeah.

I'd better take this.

It's another worried actor.

I'm running out of ways
to placate them.

Hi there. Sorry.

I hired her because...

she's your daughter!
[ Rattle]

[ Gasps]

I just...

I can't see how anybody
got into him.

- Well, we know he couldn't have
slit his own throat

and spirited away the knife.

Maybe he came in through
a window?

He most certainly didn't.

And you are?

- Frank Stynes.
Head of Security.

I was here that day.

Oh.

Well, not to be rude, Frank,
but I imagine if your job

is to make sure that nobody
went into that house,

I'm sure you don't want to be
accused of letting anyone in.

No, you don't understand.

The soap's been having trouble
with people

trying to get hold
of the storylines

before they've been aired.

So I was on high alert that day,
and I'm telling you,

I didn't take my eyes off
that house

the whole time
they were filming.

I even had guys out the back.

I swear on my life.

- I can see that you take
your job seriously, Frank.

So tell me...

Who do you think wanted
to k*ll Danny?

I have no idea.

He lived for his job
from what I could tell,

but I didn't know
the man too well.

I'm only here the last
two months.

The last guy crashed
his car after...

So I thought, as long
as I avoided drinking on the job

that they would keep me on.

But bloody hell.

Letting someone get k*lled
on your watch...

[ Camera shutters clicking ]

No.

No, lads.

Come on.
Come on!

I'm confounded, Fergus.

♪♪

That monitor thing downstairs,

presumably Danny had
one just like it?

Exactly the same.

Three legs.

His monitor was facing this way.

So...

he had his back to the rest
of the landing.

And his k*ller didn't come in
through the front door

or the back window.

Oh.

Oh, we, uh...

We sometimes do that
with the ceiling.

It muffles the sound of
the rain.

Oh.

Where's the attic door?

I presume we covered it up.

♪♪

Cheers.

♪♪

- [ Thump ]
- Ah! Well done, Fergus.

Right.

♪♪

♪♪

Want me to have a look?
I can see what's up here.

- Well, a k*ller and a weapon
would be handy.

♪♪

[ Grunts ]

♪♪

[ Rattle ]

Do that again.

[ Rattle ]

That was the sound
I heard in the recording.

So the k*ller wasup here.

- Well, they must have come down
when everyone was gone.

Yeah, but the police came,

so they would've had to have
hide up here for a while.

Yeah.

- Hold on, I think
there's something.

Be careful!

Did the police not ask
where the attic was?

- Well, they were convinced
somebody

came in through a window
or something

and then we were just
too distracted to notice.

They were a bit dismissive,
to be honest.

There's a crawl space!

I think it leads to the attic
next door.

Can you guys go next door?

Yes, of course.

I'll get Frank, just in case.

Be careful.

♪♪

♪♪

Alright?

♪♪

That's how they did it.

My God.

- You were watching the front of
the house they were filming in.

Were you watching
this one?

No.

This is my fault.

I understand if you want
to sack me.

You're not sacked, Frank.

You were doing exactly
what had been asked of you.

How could we have known?

- If I'd known the houses
were connected, though.

Why didn't your last
security guy tell me?

It's our job to know everything!

♪♪

Frank is on to something.

What if the last security guard
knew about that crawl space?

- There could be a few people
on the show

who have the same knowledge.

- And any of them could have
had it in for Danny.

♪♪

It's been a week, Charlie.

And we are no closer to knowing

how or why
Danny Phelan was m*rder*d.

A fact that I'm well aware of.

- Do we even know
why he was m*rder*d on set?

It's a bit risky, isn't it?

To k*ll somebody when
they're bloody surrounded.

- Danny had an excellent security
setup at home

and he was driven
to and from set.

The only time he was alone
was when they were filming.

- People are obsessed
with this soap, Charlie.

They want it back
on their screens.

And they are watching us
while they wait.

- Well, I can't make it go any
faster just because people

are afraid they won't have
their silly show

- to watch with their supper!
- It is not silly!

I mean, Charlie,

the Commissioner
is a fan of "Dublin Streets."

Right.

♪♪

[ Silverware clinking ]

- This is the nicest risotto
I've ever had.

Aw, thank you, love.

How's your mum getting on?

And Liberty?

Yeah, they're getting there.

Liberty stays with her
some nights

and then she stays with us
the rest of the week.

It's -- It's actually
kind of nice.

It's really nice.

You seem distracted, Charlie.

Is it a case you can't solve?

Do you need some help?

Oh, aren't we funny.

More wine, Jessica Fletcher?

Hm. That's no insult.

That woman was an icon.

So...

- Danny Phelan.
- Ah...

You've been bloody hired,
haven't you?

We're on top of it, Mother.

- You are?
- Mm-hmm.

- Oh, well, then it wasn't
necessary for you

to go up into that attic
and find that secret crawl space

that the k*ller
came through, Fergus.

Um...

I'll go and get the um...

more wine.

♪♪

So, do you know what happened?

I mean, it's fascinating,
isn't it?

A real-life death on a soap!

- Do you watch
"Dublin Streets," Orla?

- [ Scoffs ] God, no!
[ Laughs ]

I don't watch that kind of
trivial nonsense.

I'm a professional woman,
Fergus.

No, it's, uh...
the, uh, women on the PTA.

It's all they talk about.

- Aren't they all professional
women too, Mam?

[ Clears throat ]

Eat your vegetables.

- [ Laughs ]
I'm not five.

- So what do the women on the PTA
have to say about the show?

They have so many theories.

There's this plot line,

Jack's been having an affair
with the au pair.

And they reckon
Yvonne, his wife, knows

and is going to do
something twisty like k*ll

Jack or something.

Like, apparently.

- Right.
So...

Youdon't know anything
about the show, Orla?

- Not a thing.
- No.

- Weren't you saying that Crystal
Carroll is an awful actress?

- Actually I was saying that
my friends were saying that.

- Hm.
- I wouldn't know.

- It's not bloody good enough,
Vicky!

Oh, dear.

♪♪

- I mean, honestly, it was like
the greatest scene

our writers never wrote.

- Jason,
you can't say things like that.

A man died.

- In spectacular fashion though,
I mean, you have to admit it!

Though I am sorry you had to go
through him flooring you first,

Neens.

- Just the thought of that
happening right next door

and he couldn't even
call for help.

What was he like to work with?

- Oh, uh, you know,
he was a real pro.

Knew how to get the best
out of any actor.

- He didn't get the best
out of Crystal.

That washer best.

By the way, where is Crystal?

Wasn't she joining us?

Crystal likes to make an...

My apologies.

Here I am.

Your security guard let me in,
Nina.

- Who?
You mean my sister?

Oh.

She's quite large, isn't she?

And you two, you must be
the citizen detectives.

That...

Yeah, that's us.

Oh, do you mind if I sit here?

My nerves are shot since Danny.

I've upped my security.
You should too, Nina.

- Oh, well, I don't have
your problem, Crystal.

What's your problem?

I have a stalker.

I see.

- Is this recent?
- God no.

It's going on a while.

He sends me roses every week,
little cards with no signature.

Goes through my bins,
that sort of thing.

Oh, it started on my last show.

A few weeks ago,

I could swear my knickers
went missing from the line.

So, I have him, and now we have
a k*ller on the loose as well.

Honestly, Nina, hire somebody.

- Crystal, we were talking
about Danny.

Oh!

That man was a genius.

He could really reach
into an actor's soul.

Do you know what I mean?

He challenged me.

He made me go to places
I never imagined I could.

He was...an artiste.

- He was directing soaps,
in Ireland.

I mean, for f*ck's sake,
he wasn't Francis Ford Coppola.

He was everything.

He supported me!

He was opening doors for me!

- He threw a clapperboard at me
when I missed a line.

- Once.
- Yeah, well,

he kept calling me "sugar-t*ts"
when he started.

[ Laughs ]

Geraldine nearly throttled him
last week

when he changed that scene
at the last minute.

So he washard to work with.

He had his moments.

All directors, they're the same.

♪♪

♪♪

I have to let some people go.

The network loves
"Dublin Streets,"

but our contract is clear:

we get paid
per delivered episode,

and we cover any hiatus,

so please tell me
you are making progress.

- We are, but we need
more help from you.

Anything, anything!

- Well, the actors have been
talking to us per your request,

but we need
to talk to crew.

That last security guard
you had...

Did he carry any grudges
after he lost his job?

- I don't think he's able
to carry anything.

He broke both his arms
and legs in a car crash.

- He's still in hospital.
- Right.

So he definitely wasn't crawling
through the attic space.

- Ah.
See what you mean.

- What about someone else
who worked with Danny?

Um...

The art director, Wayne.

He'd be familiar with sets,
right?

- Sure, he might have known
where the attic is,

but honestly,
we never go up there.

And he just gets on
with his job.

I've never seen him
exchange anything

other than work talk with Danny.

We should talk with him anyway.

Where will we find him?

- Well, he's freelancing
on another show.

- What about the writer,
Geraldine?

She had a problematic
relationship with Danny, right?

Ah.

Directors and writers
sometimes clash.

- That's normal.
- So where is she?

- She's in her office,
using the time off

to try to get her
passion project up and running.

What's her passion project?

- It's a film about a married
couple who go on a road trip

through rural Ireland
to save their relationship.

A whiny couple, a banger
of a car, a f*ck of cows.

Sounds riveting, doesn't it?

- Meh.
- I don't know.

I mean, in the right hands...

In Geraldine's hands alone.

She's writing, producing,
directing and casting.

She has this notion...

What is it now?

Only a writer can see a vision
realized to its full potential.

Which is absolute bollixology

because filming
is a team effort,

and right now, I am letting
good team members go.

♪♪

♪♪

Wayne, is it?

I'm the new production intern.

There's two of you?

I just saw the other one
at the catering truck.

- Yeah.
Yeah, they hired a few.

I'm to work with you?

Me?

Yeah.

Deadly.

Right, let's get
this van loaded.

Grand.

One more.

So, what's
your official title?

Usually?

Standby Art Director.

Here?

Dogsbody.

Right.

So this isn't
what you usually do?

Nah.

Filming's postponed
at the moment, so...

- Oh, yeah.
Yeah...

One of the lads said
you worked on "Dublin Streets"?

Yeah.

Listen, mate,
I can't really chat.

I've a bit of a crisis
to deal with.

You get going there
and I'll be back, yeah?

Good lad.

♪♪

♪♪

The part of the wife?

- Yes.
- But you know she's in her 20s?

- Oh, of course. I-It--

It's just that

I felt so much pathos
with her character.

I felt like...

just a really strong emotional
connection to her pain.

Plus it wouldn't be
the first time

that I've aged down for a role.

- Yeah, I'm sorry.
I don't think that you --

No, no, please, please.

Please just let me read for you.

I was blown away
when I read your script.

And then I discovered
you were writing, directing,

producing and casting,
I said wow, yes!

I mean, only a creator
can truly realize their vision.

- You're right.
That's what I think. [ Laughs ]

- Okay.
- Okay.

Let's hear you.

Cows.

Do you have to do that?

Do what?

- Say "cows" every time
you see them.

Everything I do annoys you.

Sometimes I think
my breathing annoys you.

Gerald, are we done?

This is what we've become?

What have we become?

- You do something that I used
to find endearing

and now
when you open your mouth,

I just want to...

pull your tongue out of your
head and choke you with it,

poke out your eyes
and piss into your skull

through the empty sockets.

What have we become?

I think there's hope for us.

- I wish we could rewind time
and erase the moment

that your father
met your mother.

There's only one thing
that gives me hope.

There is?

For there to be so much hate...

♪♪

...there must be love.

♪♪

- That's it.
You've got it.

That's her!

I'm an exceptional actress.

[ Indistinct conversations,
telephones ringing ]

- To be honest, I would hire
you in the morning,

but I need money
to make my movie

and most of the financiers
are nearly always men.

The male actors, they can be
in their 50s, 60s, 70s,

but the women?

They think anyone over 30
is old.

Hmph. I understand.

My last director was the most
sexist a*s

I've ever worked with.

- The last guy I worked
with thought he was a god.

But do you know what the best
directors all have in common?

They know that no writers
means no world.

The writer is the only one

who has the true intention
of the story.

But to be fair, that last
director was awful to everybody.

w*nk*r.
Sorry.

I shouldn't speak
ill of the dead.

- You're talking about
Danny Phelan, aren't you?

- I'd actually rather not talk
about it.

Oh, no, please do!

I mean, if he was that awful,

I can see why somebody
would want to k*ll him.

Can we drop this?

Do you know who k*lled him?

- Sorry, I really don't
want to...

Oh, hold on.

Now...

You actually are a really
good actress.

I'm disappointed
I can't hire you.

You're the P.I.
who talked to Nina, aren't you?

You and Nina are close, right?

Not particularly.

You left your Sidney Lumet
book at her house.

Lumet always asked the writers
what their intention was, right?

"Making Movies"?

It's a great read, by the way.

For when you want to talk.

♪♪

♪♪

[ Breathing heavily ]

♪♪

Where the hell are you?

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

I'm telling you, man,

"Dublin Streets" will be back
with a bang.

- D'ya think?
- Yeah, networks say

they don't like a scandal,

but can you imagine how many
people are going to tune

in to that episode now they know
the director snuffed it

- while we were filming?
- [ Chuckles ] Yeah.

- And didn't it work out
for the best?

What d'ya mean?

- Jim was going
to fire him anyway.

Oh, right.

- The point is, I'd decided not
to fire him in the end,

so it wasn't relevant.

You still should have told us.

Why were you going to fire him
in the first place?

Look...

I didn't want to badmouth
the man.

But yes, he could be difficult
to work with sometimes.

In our industry,
everybody thinks

they can
do everyone else's job.

And directors,
they're the worst.

Our audience numbers
were soaring,

and Danny was
an integral part of that.

But he'd lost the run of himself

and people
were threatening to quit.

People like who?

Well, Geraldine, for one.

And Nina.

- So you were going to fire him
before everyone walked?

Yes, I wanted to.

But I was getting pushback
from the network.

They loved him.

But it didn't really matter
in the end

because when I spoke to Danny,
he promised big changes.

He said he was going to fix
some of his f*ck.

And I believed him.

- [ Sighs ] Well, if he didn't
tell us that...

- Then what else
isn't he telling us?

Right.

Come on.

♪♪

[ Knock on door ]

♪♪

- Oh.
- Harry Wild.

What are you doing here?

- Oh, I was just, uh,
in the neighborhood.

Are you stalking me?

If I was stalking you,

I'd be hiding somewhere
with binoculars.

- Sounds like you're familiar
with the art.

I, um...

I just closed a particularly
perplexing case

and I thought there's only
one person who would appreciate

just how clever
this k*ller was.

- How clever the k*ller was
or how clever youare?

Ah. Touché.

The victim drowned to death
while sitting in his car

at a fast-food
drive-through.

I don't care.

What do you want?

Oh. Um...

Well, I still feel bad for how
I behaved

when we first met and...

Well, I'd like to make it
up to you.

Could I take you out
for a drink?

Well, I'm sure you could.

May you?

No. I'm busy.

Perhaps another night?

I'm busy that night, too.

Goodbye, Harry.

Oh.

Never did run smooth.

♪♪

♪♪

- Ha.
Shakespeare.

Who does he think he is?

[ Knock on door ]

What now?

I brought you some shopping.

Why?

To be nice?

- Not another drug-dealing ex
that you need help with, is it?

Harry.

Come in.

Who was that guy?

What guy?

- The guy I saw
leaving your garden.

Oh, him.

Jehovah's Witness.

Oh.

- Why did you bring
me shopping, Orla?

Uh, I brought wine.

Well, this is bonus points.

You want to know
what's going on in the case.

[ Laughs ]
Does Charlie know you're here?

Ha!

- I'm just trying to be a good
daughter-in-law, Harry.

I'm not interested in your case.

And I don't tell Charlie

where I'm going every time
I leave the house.

I am my own woman.

- Oh, I'm starting to like you,
Orla.

Starting to?

You've known me
for almost 20 years.

[ Clears throat ] It's, uh,
it's my friends on the PTA.

I mentioned that
you were involved

and they're so curious
about this soap.

This storyline
between Jack and Sylvia...

Oh, that.

It's his daughter.

He's screwing his daughter.

No!

You are kidding me!
That's insane.

What the hell is the writer
thinking?

- You can ask her yourself.
She just texted me.

She's coming over.

- Geraldine Hutchison
is coming here?

Oh, my God!

He drowned in his car...

Ah...

You're so good, Frank.

I can't risk phoning
a strange taxi.

I mean, what if my stalker
is a taxi driver?

I'm so nervous all the time now.

- I don't mind organizing a lift
for you, Ms. Carroll.

It really isn't part of my job.

- Oh, I know.
That's why you're so good.

I feel a bit safer
when I'm with you.

- Well, we can talk through
all the other security measures

you should be taking,

like not putting private things
in your bins.

Or maybe not hanging your, eh,

smalls on the line
in your garden.

I'll do whatever you say.

I should have listened to you
when you warned me before.

I mean, that's okay...

♪♪

Bingo.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

You took your bloody
laptop home.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

What?

♪♪

Hmm.

[ Camera shutter clicking ]

Aaah!

- Orla's my --
- Assistant.

I'm helping with the case.

[ Chuckles ]

And you two are...a couple?

- Well, we try to keep it
under wraps.

People get judgmental
about relationships on set.

Don't know why.
It happens.

- I'm still trying to get my head
around you knowing Sidney Lumet.

Not to mention
your acting skills.

- I'm multi-talented.

Take a note of that, Orla.

Jim told you the truth.

I was planning to quit.

Danny had become unbearable,
and his hiring Crystal?

It was the last straw.

He did it without
even consulting me.

And you, Nina?

I threatened to leave.

Danny was telling Geraldine
what to write,

and, well,
I was out of his favor.

Jason was fed up too.

I don't think he could afford
to quit but, uh...

he was certainly
sick of Danny.

Crystal was getting more
screen time than any of us.

But why?

She is shockingly bad!

We all know why she was hired.

More wine?

- Look, I am just trying
to do my job, right?

I was hired to find
Danny's k*ller, and...

[ Sighs ]

Jim is keeping things from us.

- That doesn't excuse
breaking and entering, son.

- He gave us an all-access pass!

Okay, not literally, but...

If we don't find the k*ller,

the show's going
to stay off air,

and you said that you were
worried about keeping your job,

didn't you?

Yeah.

And I think you're right
about Jim.

I've been considering him,
you know.

What do you mean?

That day, right?

Everyone was staring
at the monitors.

I was watching them.

Jim was with other people,

but what if they were
all watching the monitors,

engrossed in the scene?

Maybe there's a way
into the attic

from the back of the house
or something?

Wait.

You're saying you think
Jim k*lled Danny?

I dunno, son.

I just know that they were
arguing lot before Danny died.

I saw it before on my last set,
"Dublin Dolls."

The producer, the director
going hammer and tongs,

but this was different.

They had a massive fight the day
before Danny died.

About what?

- I think it was about
Ms. Carroll.

Crystal.

- Crystal screwed Danny
to get the role.

Ah.

- That "little girl lost" role
she plays in real life?

That's as good as her
acting gets.

I completely agree.

- I'm starting to think that
you watch this show

more than you let on, Orla.

- I'm only just going on
what I've heard.

Like, you know, when Crystal
started in her role,

she was only a bit part

and then she turned up
in the coffee shop

as an extra where Yvonne
gets her non-fat latte

with caramel drizzle
every day.

Oh, my God, you're a super fan.

- [ Laughs ]
- I...

I like might turn it on the odd
time to switch off from reality.

Most do.

But that storyline...

Jack sleeping with his daughter!

Well, there was a twist...

Oh, do tell!

She's not his daughter.

Yvonne and Sylvia were going
to be in on it together.

Yvonne hired Sylvia
as a honey trap

to get revenge
for Jack's philandering

and then take
all his money.

Oh, that's so good!

I would never have thought
of that!

I would've had Sylvia as
the daughter of this woman

that Jack and Yvonne
had k*lled years before,

coming back to take revenge
on them both.

Or -- Or...

She's the real mother
of the baby,

and we find out
that the baby is adopted

and she's trying to get it back
by tricking Jack

into marrying her!

What did you say you do?

I'm an act...ual assistant.

Well, you should be a writer.

- Didn't you say that Yvonne
was going to be

in on it with Sylvia?

Have you changed your mind
about the storyline?

- I didn't change my mind.
- [ Sighs ]

- He did this to her all the time.
- Ohh.

- Danny told me that he would
write the next day's scene.

- And he told me that Crystal
wouldn't have to go to makeup.

What does that mean?

- He was going to k*ll Sylvia
off.

That's it, isn't it?

Did Crystal know?

Well, how could she?

He planned to write the scene
the night he died.

♪♪

- We know Danny planned
to k*ll off Sylvia off, Jim.

Why didn't you tell us?

- Well, I didn't think
it was important,

given that he never got
to write the scene.

- But why get rid of the actor
if he was the one who hired her?

- Because he knew
she'd become a problem.

He was trying to save his job.

You see, Geraldine's scripts
kept Sylvia around for weeks.

But that night, Danny was going
to write a scene

where Jack reacts to finding out
she's his daughter,

goes mad and strangles Sylvia.

To be honest, it seemed
like a great idea.

- Didn't you think Crystal
might want Danny dead

before he wrote that scene?

- Well, Crystal was on camera
all the time.

Listen, guys, the only people
that we're absolutely clear

didn't k*ll Danny were
the actors on camera.

Everybody was watching them.

I mean, okay, Crystal
would have been upset,

but she knew the drill.

They wound up her storyline
on "Dolls"

after she'd been on it
for a few months.

She didn't k*ll that director!

She worked on "Dublin Dolls"?

- Everybody was watching
the actors, Fergus.

I have an idea.
We're going to need to prove it.

In the storyline
about the affair,

how does Yvonne find out that
Jack is sleeping with Sylvia?

I mean, I know it's a ruse,

but surely you had to show
her finding out somehow,

to keep the audience
in suspense.

- [ Chuckles ]
Of course.

It's the classic trope.

Yvonne planted cameras
all over the house:

in the baby's room,
that kind of thing.

- Let's get Vicky and Jordan
on standby.

♪♪

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Ooh!

It's a bit crowded in here,
isn't it?

I'm so happy
we're rehearsing again.

Rehearsing what, though?

I mean, where are the scripts,
Geraldine?

- Well, this is a very
special rehearsal, guys.

- Do I know you?
- Yeah.

You gave me two hours of work

and then you pissed off
for an afternoon.

Wait, are we rehearsing or not?

Not just now, Nina.

Everybody, umm...

Harry and Fergus are here
to tell us

who k*lled Danny Phelan.

- But first we should tell you
why he was k*lled.

Now, Danny was m*rder*d because
he was going to be k*lling off

Sylvia in the next day's scenes.

What? That's a lie!

Danny loved Sylvia.

He loved me!

- Danny wasn't a great guy,
Crystal,

and he didn't think you were
a very good actress.

- How dare you!
- [ Laughing ]

My God.

The b*stard. He used me.

- You weren't the only one here
who had reason to hate Danny.

But the person he upset the most

is the person who is
madly in love with you.

Crystal, your stalker.

♪♪

You've lost your mind.

Frank has been giving me
security tips.

- Yeah, funny how he knew
every way that your stalker

was stalking you:
going through your bins,

snatching things
off your line...

and he worked on your last show
with you, didn't he?

"Dublin Dolls"?

- And when you left there
and you came here,

he was right on your tail.

All he had to do was to organize
a little accident

for the last security guard.

You're wrong.

I told Frank the security guard
here had an accident.

I told him there was
a job going.

He'd always taken care of me
on "Dolls."

This is insanity.

How the hell do you reckon
I k*lled Danny

when I was outside
watching everyone?

You were watching them, Frank.

They weren't watching you.

- You heard Jim and Danny
arguing the night before

and you knew that Sylvia
was going to be k*lled off

the following day
in a Danny script.

- This...
You're crazy, the lot of you.

I would never do this, Crystal.

You know that.

- Of course, there was no way
of proving it...

- Except the k*ller came through
the attic door

in front of the baby's room.

And Yvonne...

...planted a camera

in that room to catch
Jack and Sylvia kissing.

This was in the baby room.

Frank, you were on camera.

And the camera doesn't lie.

It was all for you, darling.

Don't you see?

That b*stard had no idea
how talented you are.

None of them do.

I k*lled him and I'd k*ll
anyone here who hurt you.

♪♪

[ Police radio chatter ]

- We have witnesses
to his confession

but unfortunately
no actual camera footage.

Yeah, we bluffed.

The producers didn't use
real cameras.

- Hm.
Nicely played.

[ Police radio chatter ]

♪♪

♪♪

- I'm not saying I'm unhappy
it was solved,

I'm just saying Vicky and Jordan
would have got there.

They'd already realized the last
security guard's brakes

had been tampered with
and Jordan realized

Frank and Crystal
had worked on the same show.

Oh, we can go home now, Fergus.

The Guards have got this now.

- Do you always have
to be so smug?

Only when I'm right.

Which is all of the time so yes,
I suppose so.

[ Laughter ]

- So, are they going to
k*ll off Sylvia or not?

We're sworn to secrecy, Orla.

No spoilers.

Why are you so interested?

- It's for the PTA, isn't it,
Orla?

- May I present the finest wine
from our cellar.

It has notes of tobacco,
orange peel, dandelion and...

shoe leather, I think.

- Sounds delightful, Glenn,
but we didn't order it.

- Oh, no, it's from the gentleman
at the bar over there.

Oh.

- Isn't he the Jehovah's Witness
you were talking to?

Jehovah's Witness?

Nah, they don't drink.

- Ah, maybe that's why
he's sending me his wine.

Is that your boyfriend, Granny?

- Course he's not!
That guy is --

Is not my boyfriend.

Women my age
don't have boyfriends.

Quite right.

We have lovers.

Ah.

And he's not one of them.

♪♪

♪♪

- Oh, you don't have
to talk to me.

Please, enjoy the wine,
and I hope if we meet again,

that you'll think better of me.

We'll see.

And he didn't drown in the car.

That's just where
they found him.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

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