02x19 - Who's a Winner?

[bunniefuu]

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- Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪

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Raccoon, thanks so much

for letting us

have group in here.

Thank you.

I raided an abandoned Pier 1,

and I have been dying

to have some company over.

Apple core and shoelace rumaki?

- Ooh!

- I just found out Jill's dropping

Chief and me off on a

surprise vacay tomorrow

while she goes to Joshua Tree

to get her aura scraped.

I thought we could have

a speed session

so I didn't leave you all hanging.

- Hero.

- Does anyone have

any urgent matters

they'd like to discuss?

Yeah, I'll go, since mine's

probably the most interesting.

I landed the lead role

in a gritty reboot of "Babe,"

and long story short,

I'm going to a farm

to research what it's like

to be a pig.

I hope this is okay to ask,

but aren't you already a pig?

Oh, Chico, you sweet idiot.

I'm not a pig, pig.

I'm a celebrity

who's one devastating

performance away

- from winning an Oscar.

- Maybe you'll thank me

in your acceptance speech.

No. I really wanna

talk about the environment.

Specifically, bringing back

plastic straws.

- All right, anyone else wanna sh

- Fine! I'll tell you.

I'm being forced

to return to the scene

of one of the most

traumatic events of

Great. Glad we were

all here for you.

See you in a few days.

Where do you think

Jill's taking us?

I hope it's something cultural

like an artist's colony.

I think I'm gonna need

more pink.

Why do you always drool

when you think

- about artist colonies?

- Because I'm sophisticated.

- Looks like we're here!

- Oh, God.

A sheep herding camp?

This isn't a vacation.

It's t*rture.

These kinds of athletic camps

expose my weakness

and make me feel inadequate.

- Ahh!

- Don't inade-quit, honey.

This is gonna be fun.

You and me are a team,

and I promise to help you

until you like this camp

as much as you like

painting dog dongs.

- Thanks, Chief.

- She's here.

- I can't believe she came back.

- Who are you talking about?

The greatest herder

this camp has ever seen.

You got this, Elsa.

- Elsa?

- Elsa! Elsa!

No sniffs! Please.

Elsa, you're the legendary

herder,

and I've never heard you

brag about it?

- Very off-brand for you.

- Well, if you hadn't

cut me off in group, which

was very on-brand burn

I would've said that

my human heard your human

talking about this place

at the dog park,

so I got dragged back here.

All right, listen up, lap dogs!

Today is just practice,

but tomorrow

we'll do timed herds.

That's where we separate

the puppies from the dogs.

Although, that really should've

been done at registration.

The two fastest teams

will move on to the finals,

where they'll go head-to-head

on the most intense,

dangerous sheep herding

course ever built.

- Any questions?

- Yeah, hi.

Um, what's the deal

treat-wise here?

Are they free-flowing, or do

you have to work for them?

Dumb question.

Everyone to the practice field.

- You're not coming?

- No.

Despite my legendary status,

I don't race anymore.

- Why, you ask?

- I didn't.

Well

- Elsa, why I die?

- Long story.

Into the pen, go, go, go.

- Bang, bang, bang.

- Wow. b*llet and Bang are so good.

- I'll never be that good.

- Oh, hon, it's okay.

You suck at lots of stuff.

Hey, I'm Chief.

This is Honey.

We'll be herding you today.

Even though it might seem like

we're the boss of you,

we're all a team.

Clear ears, full tummies,

can't lose!

- Say it with me!

- We's is sheep.

- Sheeps is nice.

- I'm feelin' these guys.

Okay, Max, go over there

and blend in.

You can do this.

Duh! Oink!

Must eat slop

and roll in poop. Oink.

Is there somethin'

wrong with you, boy?

No, I'm a pig, like you.

- Oink!

- Why are you talkin' like that?

Okay, you got me.

I'm not really a pig, pig.

I'm an actor.

I'm here to do research

for a movie.

Do you know what a movie is?

Of course I know

what a movie is.

Let me tell you something.

Pigs are intelligent creatures

who do more than eat and lay

around in their own feces,

though we do love that.

If you can't see that,

you ain't worth

the plastic they use

to make your SAAG card.

What?

How do you know about

- the Screen Animal Actor's Guild?

- Oh, I know a lot of things.

Too bad you ain't open

enough to learn 'em.

Okay, teams, it's simple.

Your goal is to get

all your sheep

into the pen

before your competitors.

Ready.

Set.

- Herd!

- Whoo-hoo!

You're right, this is fun.

It's not so hard.

Yeah, except those sheep

haven't moved at all.

What?

Why aren't they following us?

Oh, my God, we're failing!

What do we do?

What do we do?

Follow me.

Get behind them!

Come on, guys.

You can do it.

- Sheeps is soft.

- I bet! Okay, let's go now.

Yes! Move, soft sheep, move!

- Get the slow pokes!

- On it!

Go, go!

Bang, bang, bang.

- Oh, my God, we did it!

- And we won?

We won! Ahh!

And all because of you.

No, because of us.

We are a great team.

- All of us.

- Sheeps is good.

Whoo!

- Yeah!

- Cheer!

- Way to go!

- Wow!

You did great. Whoo!

This is how the game

sucks you in,

- and before you know it

- Baa.

Elsas is gesundheit.

- Nice herd yesterday.

- Flock yeah, it was.

Ah, there's nothin' like

the thrill of the herd

or a sheep pun.

But there's a reason

I don't race anymore.

If it's too painful,

you don't have to

It happened

on the finals track.

I was the favorite to win,

but my sheep

weren't in peak condition,

and we started falling behind.

I saw a shortcut

that no one had tried.

Follow me!

- Sheeps is too many.

- Do it!

So they exploded?

How did that

Just play the game.

Don't let the game play you.

Okay. Coolio.

Great job out there yesterday.

Let's just do

the same thing again.

Or we can go bigger and

better, like "Mamma Mia! 2."

Last night, I realized

that yesterday,

we were moving in a cluster.

But if we move

in a diamond shape,

we'll be more aerodynamic.

There's no way we can't win.

Okay, but just remember

that on our team,

winning means

doing your best and having fun.

I'm gonna go cardboard load

before the race.

Just to clarify,

what winning actually means

is beating the other teams.

- Sheeps is wins!

- Yes! You're getting it.

- Sheeps is sheeps.

- I can't.

So, uh, I just wanted

to apologize for yesterday.

I was using hurtful

stereotypes because I don't

know the first thing

about being a pig.

But if you're willing

to teach me,

- I am ready to learn.

- You're already learning

because you just passed

your first test.

- I did? What was it?

- Wantin' it bad enough.

And, uh, I saw you eat a Cheeto

from that pile of poop.

We don't have Cheetos at home.

I mean, David doesn't eat

anything without a face.

Now, let's get to work.

- Oink.

- Don't say it. Oink it.

Oink!

Hm-hmm.

Your final lesson:

baskin' in mud.

You can't call yourself a pig

unless you get pork

- chop deep in Brown Town.

- Okay.

You know what?

Actually, I think

I threw my back out

doing some of those oinks,

so let's just pick this up

tomorrow, okay?

All that montage, and nothin'.

As we head into the last lap,

looks like Chief

and Honey's team

might have a shot at making it

into the top two.

Move it, sheep!

This is a race,

not a feminist art crawl.

- Sheeps is tired.

- I don't care. I'm winning this.

Honey, ease up.

They herd you.

No, but seriously,

you're freaking them out.

Yes!

That's what I'm talkin' about.

They did it! Honey and Chief

are seeded second.

- Yes!

- There's only one team left to race,

b*llet and Bang.

b*llet and Bang

are the best herders here.

They'll get first place, and

we'll get bumped off the board.

- We have to do something.

- Honey, we did our best.

I'll cherish the memory always.

Now, let's see if we can get to

the bottom of that treat sitch.

I'll, um, catch up with you.

- What?

- Nothing.

- Did you say

- Nope.

Ha ha.

We ain't done.

- Quit poutin', and get up, now.

- I can't do it.

- I can't get in that mud!

- Yes, you can.

You don't understand.

I'm a celebrity.

But if I set

one hoof in that mud,

I'll just be seen as a pig, pig.

I will be sacrificing everything

that I've worked so hard

to feel entitled to.

So just leave me alone.

- I can't do that.

- Why?

Why do you even

want to help me?

Because I was you.

Oh, my God.

- You're Ennis Wintour?

- Yes.

For years,

I lived a high life

fashion shows, photo shoots.

I was the only pig

ever to attend

the Met Gala.

Ennis, give me a half smile!

Who are you wearing and why?

But in all those

glamourous situations,

somethin' didn't feel quite right.

Then on one fateful

New Year's Eve

I spent upstate

at Robert Downey Jr.'s cabin,

I finally understood why.

I was lonely.

And that's when I stopped

hiding from the truth

and accepted what I've always

known deep down.

I'm a pig.

A pig, pig.

That's why I came here.

It wasn't easy at first,

but these pigs helped me

accept myself.

It was a gift, and I wanna

share that gift with you, Max.

Uh, what does this story

have to do with me?

Well, deep down,

I think you're a pig, pig, too.

You're just not ready

to admit it.

You're wrong! I'll never

want to live out here.

And my reiki healer

doesn't do cars.

You don't have to

live in the country.

You can be your true self

anywhere.

Except on Fallon.

That guy's exhausting.

No, I'm not like you,

and I never will be!

All those flashbacks and nothin'.

Ennis, when are you gonna learn?

Continuing with the time trials,

b*llet and Bang are up next.

- Sheeps is you?

- Uh, yeah. I sure is sheeps.

- Baa.

- Ready. Set. Go!

Ruff! Go left.

Ooh! Berries! Follow me!

Yum, yum!

No, no!

Get out of the berries

- and back on track.

- Berries is yums.

- No!

- b*llet and Bang

have lost control of their herd,

and they are disqualified.

Tomorrow's finals

will be a face-off

between Channing and Tatum

and Chief and Honey.

Let's hit the sprinklers, everybody.

I did it!

I mean, we did it!

Honey, did you do something

to those sheep?

What? No.

Did I do something?

That hurts, Chief.

That really hurts.

Berry juice?

You did cheat!

And you ate berries without me!

- I thought we were a team.

- We are a team, Chief.

And thanks to me,

we're a winning team.

Well, if this is

how you play, we're not.

- I inade-quit.

- Fine.

Go. I can win without you

or anyone.

You hear me?

Honeys is winners!

Max? You know, I heard

a Hollywood D-bag

was with the pigs and just

assumed it was Scooter Braun.

Please. I wish

a Hollywood D-bag

- was all I was.

- I understand.

Being here has made me

relive the mo

Can I finish, please?

Can I finish?

Thank you. God.

I came here to research a role,

but the only thing I've learned

is that everything I knew

about myself was wrong!

And it's all because of Ennis.

- Ennis?

- A pig who lives here.

Keep up.

When I'm with him,

I feel more like myself

than I ever have.

And who I am is

pause for dramatic effect

- a pig, pig!

- Wow. Have you told anyone else?

- No.

- Yes!

I'm scared, Elsa.

What'll happen

when everyone finds out?

Will they still love,

respect and fear me?

- Will I still be me?

- Max, accepting who you are

makes you more yourself.

Don't fight it.

Oh, God. You're right.

You're right!

Since you've stood

emotionally naked before me,

I finally feel safe to

Oh, you're gone.

All right, dummies, listen up.

I could trade you all for a pack of

cigarettes, so you better step up.

No mistakes today.

Got it?

Chief?

I thought you quit.

Channing and Tatum

went out last night

and ate a little too much

fermented hay.

They're sleeping it off.

So I decided to step in

- and teach you a lesson.

- Good. Someone's gotta lose.

You've already lost your

perspective on what's important.

My sheep and I are gonna win,

and we're gonna

have fun doing it.

And if that shatters

your worldview

and leaves you questioning

every choice

you've ever made in your life,

that'll be fun, too.

- Ha ha!

- All right. I'm a little aroused.

But not enough

to not kick your a*s.

Ready.

Set.

- Herd!

- Move it, wool sacks!

I believe in you!

And I love you!

- Sheeps is scared.

- Shut up and climb!

Ohh!

Hold, hold.

Go!

Don't be scared.

It's not mint jelly.

Get in there and climb!

Yes!

- And, slide! Whee!

- Whee!

- Yeah!

- Damn it!

You idiots better

get ahead of those sheep,

or I'm having mutton

chops for dinner! Go!

- Careful, sheepies, careful!

- Sorry, Mom!

- Sheeps is birds!

- No, no, no!

It's okay, sheeps.

- I got ya.

- Sheeps is sorries.

Don't let the game play you.

We are a great team.

I believe in you.

And when are we gonna

get back to my thing?

Stop!

Ennis, come here!

- Max? Where are you?

- Look down.

You did it!

You got in the mud.

Yes, and I couldn't have

done it without you.

You're the first animal

who really saw me,

that helped me see myself,

and you know what?

I like me.

- And I like you.

- I like you too, Max.

You changed my life, Ennis.

I don't know

how I'll ever repay you.

You already have.

- Aw.

- Mm.

Why'd you stop?

You were about to win.

You were right.

I was so obsessed

with being the best,

I missed my chance

to have fun with you.

- I'm sorry.

- Aww, come here,

you loveable psycho.

- You done good, kid.

- Sheeps is lost!

Oh, no, they're headed

towards the highway!

- Here, sheepie, sheepie, sheepie!

- Stop, sheep! Come back!

They're too many,

and they're too spread out,

and they're too dumb.

What are we gonna do?

There's no dog alive who

- can herd all these sheep!

- Elsa!

- Elsas is helps.

- No, I can't.

Elsas has rare opportunity

for redemptions.

You're right.

And I need to accept

that who I am is a herder.

I don't care how many sheep

blow up.

Sheeps is stop!

Sheeps is assemble.

Sheeps is turn.

Honeys is front,

Chiefs is perimeter!

- What?

- Honey, figure it out.

It's not rocket science.

- Sheeps is too many.

- Do it!

Not this time.

Sheeps is single files!

- Yes!

- Wow, Elsa. You really are good.

What's important

is that the sheep are safe.

And you just admitted

that I was better than you.

Elsas is closure.

Finally,

the silence of the sheeps.

- I will never forget you, Ennis.

- We'll see each other again.

Well, I had an epiphany,

and it might shock you.

I'm a pig.

- A pig, pig.

- It's also important to note

- that he told me first.

- How long have you known?

Well, on some level,

I always knew,

but it wasn't until I met

someone special

- that I could admit it to myself.

- Well, that's wonderful, Max.

We love you,

and we're proud of you.

Okay, that's enough

mushy stuff.

And, uh

and can I ask who this is?

Oh, yes, we have

a new member in our group.

Would you like

to introduce yourself?

- Sheeps is sex addicts.

- Well, hello.

Why do I have to pretend

to be your sexy

underaged girlfriend?

I mean, you're a pig, pig.

- Own it.

- Okay, listen,

Hollywood likes to think

it's so woke,

but it's still very old fashioned.

This is my first big

movie premiere,

and I don't wanna give anyone

a reason to pig-geon hole me.

Now, look alive! We're here.

What? How did

What's happening?

Aw, screw it!

Oink!