NARRATOR:
What you're about to see
may be dangerous,
ill*gal, unethical,
petty, misguided, immoral,
and most definitely stupid.
But it's also all true.
Hmm. Sort of.
- [BIRDS CHIRPING]
- ♪ [JOYFUL MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
NATALIE SLAVEK:
This all started pretty simply.
I was just trying to find
my friend Gina.
Gina.
NATALIE: The problem was,
I was prescribed
a new medication.
- It made me looney tunes.
- ♪ [ENCHANTING MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
Perhaps I can help you, darling.
[GASPS] Hi!
I'm looking for Gina's house.
Gina's house
is right over that way, Natalie.
Thank you so much for your help.
CHESHIRE CAT: Absolutely.
♪ [WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
NATALIE: I walked straight
into the house.
Gina?
NATALIE: Gina wasn't there
so I made myself at home.
- ♪ [PLAYFUL MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
- [GRUNTS, CHUCKLES]
[MUNCHES]
NATALIE:
And then I got sleepy...
[SNORES]
...so I ended up laying down
like Goldilocks, taking a nap.
- ♪ [QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
- [YAWNS]
NATALIE: There were even
three bears,
just like in "Goldilocks."
I was very courteous.
[SLURRING] Care to join me?
[RATTLING]
NATALIE: The problem was...
- [GROUP GASPS]
- ...those weren't bears,
and this wasn't Gina's house.
- Who are you?
- ♪ [MUSIC GROWS TENSE, STOPS] ♪
Whose house was that I was in?
♪ [EERIE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
♪ [QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
NATALIE: Hi, my name
is Natalie Slavek,
and I'm a resident
of Naples, Florida,
for the last 11 years.
- [BIRDS CHIRPING]
- [TRAFFIC RUMBLING]
NATALIE: I have
an infatuation with Naples.
It is like living in paradise.
And I thought I should highlight
these little
odds and end places.
Well, good morning.
It's Natalie Knows Naples...
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
...and today's Tuesday,
which means...
That's how I started
Natalie Knows Naples.
I'm kind of a big deal.
- I'm Natalie Knows Naples.
- All right.
Originally, I always made
the mistake
and said "Natalie Does Naples."
I'm like, "No. You're thinking
of my cousin in Dallas, Debbie."
- [LAUGHS]
- [INTERVIEWER LAUGHING]
ED CAPUTO: I'm Ed Caputo.
I live
in beautiful Naples, Florida.
It's kind of rainy
and stormy today,
but normally, we have
a lot of really great weather,
and-- aside from
the hurricanes.
[WIND HOWLING]
I met Ed about ten years ago.
She's got just
a bubbly personality,
a lot of fun.
We just became friends
and followed
some of her crazy experiences
through the years.
- [GRUNTS, SIGHS]
- [WAVES CRASHING]
♪ [WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
NATALIE: This story starts
with an innocent day
at the beach.
So, I was sipping tequila
in the afternoon.
[SLURPS]
I have bipolar disorder.
It's managed through medication,
but back then...
it wasn't managed so well.
Eh, looks pretty good.
[MUNCHES, SLURPS]
I end up meeting this woman.
- Hi.
- NATALIE: She was very nice,
but the downside is
she liked to drink.
I like to drink.
Oh, yeah.
We go back to the hotel room.
[CHUCKLES] I like to drink.
She got wasted.
I'm still sipping on tequila.
[GROANS]
My medication says
on the bottle, "No alcohol."
- [CHUCKLES]
- NATALIE: And so,
when I did my own research,
I found it's true.
You add a smidge of tequila,
you don't remember sh*t.
"NATALIE": "Smidge of tequila.
You don't remember sh*t."
You're blacked out.
- [SNICKERS]
- [SNICKERS]
- [LOUD KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- OFFICER BOBBI: Police!
Uh-oh.
♪ [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
Well, apparently, the cops
were called to our room.
Open up! It's the police!
[DOOR UNLOCKING]
- Ma'am.
- "NATALIE": Uh-huh.
- I'm here to address
a noise complaint.
- Uh-huh.
But I guess I "supposedly"
punched a cop in the chest.
Eat sh*t, pig!
- [GRUNTS]
- [GROANS]
NATALIE: I don't even know
how to punch.
If I did punch, um,
it would have been like this.
Eat sh*t, pig! [GRUNTS WEAKLY]
Apparently, I punch like a girl.
♪ [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
NATALIE: But they said that
the officer felt threatened.
So, she took a taser to me...
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
- [GRUNTS, IN SLOW MOTION]
- [SCREAMS, IN SLOW MOTION]
...and tased me in the abdomen,
in the crotch, and the butt.
- [SHOUTS]
- [SCREAMS IN SLOW MOTION]
[TASER CRACKLING]
- You know, like...
[IMITATES TASER CRACKLING]
- INTERVIEWER: Yeah.
[LAUGHS]
- [GRUNTS]
- ♪ [FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
- [TASER CRACKLING]
- [GROANS, BLABBERS]
NATALIE: That's the problem
with the city of Naples.
They don't have any crime.
They create crime.
[CONTINUES BLABBERING]
OFFICER BOBBI:
What you looking at?
Get your a*s off the bed!
I was charged with battery
on a law enforcement officer.
- [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]
- ♪ [TENSE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
NATALIE: It was almost like
I was set up.
They were determined
to get me on something or other.
I will get you
for something or other.
They ended up
dropping the battery charge,
but they gave me
two years of probation.
[PRISON ALARM BUZZING]
- Bullshit.
- NATALIE: They said
if I screwed up again,
I could get five years
in prison.
[IN SLOW MOTION]
Five years in prison!
And I'm like,
"I'm not even violent,
for f*ck's sakes."
♪ [WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
NATALIE: So, fast forward
to the following Wednesday.
It was court day,
and I was given
the type of probation
where, every Wednesday,
I had to go to court
to see the judge.
So, I should have been at court,
but I was at the beach.
For me, my typical day is
I like to go to the beach
in the morning.
That gets my,
um, endorphins going.
Hey, girl!
I call it my "beachy morning."
I'm out here
having my beachy morning.
[LAUGHS]
So, I was on the phone,
calling everybody.
It's gorgeous out here.
You should come down here.
Did you get some underarm Botox
or something?
I feel like this is a good gloss
for, like, an event.
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- I totally remember Vance.
He tried to f*ck me.
He wants his grandkids
to walk in on him?
That's disgusting, Brandi!
- [LAUGHS]
- ["BRANDI" LAUGHING]
NATALIE: Meanwhile,
I'm not watching the time.
It's like 1:30, and I have to be
at court at 2:30.
[SNORTS, SNICKERS]
Wait, don't you have
court today?
- ♪ [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
- Oh, f*ck.
- [SEAGULLS SQUAWKING]
- Oh, f*ck! [GASPS]
♪ [DRAMATIC MUSIC SWELLS] ♪
There was no time
to even change, to go home.
[PANTS]
So, I roll up to court
in my bathing suit,
like that's normal.
- ♪ [WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
- [GRUNTS, PANTS]
NATALIE: The judge,
he's a jolly guy.
[PANTING] I made it, Your Honor.
But he's no pushover.
What are you wearing
- in my courtroom?
- [CHUCKLES]
She was wearing
a very expensive bathing suit.
It's very expensive.
And, you know, this thing
comes with a bombshell bra
from Victoria's Secret.
So, he was probably looking
at the size of my breasts
because they're, like, inflated,
like, four times.
[BOINGING]
ED: It's not like something
from a dollar store.
So, she thought it was okay,
but the judge disagreed.
The judge did not think
it was okay.
I do not think this is okay.
So, they put me
on a new medication...
- [BREATHES HEAVILY]
- ♪ [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
...called Haldol.
"Haldol."
You are free to go, Mrs. Slavek.
- [IN SLOW MOTION] Your Honor!
- [IN SLOW MOTION] Free to go!
- [GASPS, CHUCKLES]
- ♪ [PLAYFUL MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
He leaves me
out in the wild to go free.
You know,
the thing about Haldol...
[ENGINE REVVING]
...it's actually prescribed,
generally, for schizophrenia.
[PILLS RATTLING]
[GULPS, EXHALES]
[INHALES, SIGHS]
- ♪ [TENSE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
- [BREATHES HEAVILY]
I had a bad reaction to it.
[GASPS, GRUNTS]
- [BLABBERING]
- [POLICE SIREN WAILING]
NATALIE: The officer
that arrested me was there
and I was feeling crazy.
- I'll be watching you, lady.
- ♪ [EERIE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
It made me delusional,
confused, looney tunes.
And one day,
I'm taking you down.
I mean, it was bad.
[SCREAMS]
- NATALIE:
I'm in looney tunes mode...
- [TIRES SCREECHING]
- [BLABBERING]
- ...and I'm jonesing
for my vape pen,
but the battery is dead.
So, I went to this vape shop.
I don't know
what came over me...
- [GRUNTS]
- ...but I just needed
a drag so bad.
- ♪ ["TRYING TO GET
BACK HOME" PLAYING] ♪
- [INHALES, EXHALES]
They let me vape
till I was ready to pay.
♪ Oh, hear those songbirds ♪
♪ Singing at the start
Of the day ♪
- ♪ I woke up early
I was on my way... ♪
- [MUMBLES, MOANS]
- NATALIE: Only one problem.
- [COUGHS]
I went to pay,
and my card declined.
- ♪ [SONG STOPS] ♪
- [SCANNER BEEPING]
[HESITATES, BREATHES HEAVILY]
NATALIE: So, apparently,
even though
I couldn't buy
a ten-dollar vape,
I thought it was a good idea
to go to the car dealership
and get a new car.
♪ [WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
- NATALIE:
So I sit down with this lady...
- [SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
...and they were trying to do
the numbers with my car.
- [COMPUTER BEEPING]
- You have zero dollars.
[SIGHS] Oh.
And so I went,
"Oh, my God! I gots to go."
[BREATHES HEAVILY]
NATALIE: And I ran
out of the dealership.
♪ [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
NATALIE: Meanwhile,
the vape I couldn't pay for
was getting me in more trouble.
She stole from you.
I got accused of petty theft.
[IN SLOW MOTION] Petty theft!
So, now I look like a thief.
- [INTERVIEWER LAUGHING]
- [LAUGHS]
- ♪ [REGAL MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
- [SEAGULLS SQUAWKING]
NATALIE: And somehow, I end up
in this very hoity-toity
neighborhood.
It was a multi-million-dollar
neighborhood
with homes by the beach.
And I'm still so bugged out
on this Haldol,
it's like Fantasy Island
down here.
- You know what I mean?
- ♪ [EERIE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
- [WHISTLES CHEERFULLY]
- [BIRDS CHIRPING]
[LAUGHS]
[IN SLOW MOTION]
It's a beautiful day in Naples!
- [ANIMALS LAUGHING]
- [LAUGHS, IN SLOW MOTION]
And then I started trying
to find my friend Gina.
- ♪ [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
- [LEAF-BLOWER WHIRRING]
NATALIE: But I wasn't having
too much luck.
Hi! Hi.
I'm looking for my friend Gina.
She lives down by the beach
at a house that looks similar
to the houses that I'm seeing.
She has a house really similar
to the houses that I'm seeing.
ED: So, she's in
this neighborhood
while she hallucinates
about Cheshire cats
and everything else
that goes on in her mind.
- ♪ [ENCHANTING MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
- Ahem!
Perhaps, I can be
of assistance.
- ♪ [EERIE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
- To get to Gina's house,
you just go down the street
and turn right.
Are you sure?
Trust me! What's the worst
that could happen?
Thank you so much for your help.
CHESHIRE CAT: Absolutely.
Oh, maybe it was a left turn.
Or an upturn. Or a downturn.
Depends which way
you're looking at it,
doesn't it? [LAUGHS]
♪ [QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
NATALIE: When I turn the corner,
I immediately see
this one house and I'm like...
That's Gina's house.
NATALIE: What I didn't remember
at the time...
Gina?
...was Gina's dead.
Oh, yes.
Gina's been dead for years.
Should have mentioned that.
Gina, it's me, Natalie.
I'm coming in.
- ♪ [TENSE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
- Obviously, there's a problem
going on with my head
if I'm looking for dead people.
Gina! b*tch, where you at, girl?
NATALIE: So, here I am,
trespassing...
"NATALIE": Gine-Gines!
...in the most expensive
neighborhood in America.
And my record
still shows battery
on a law enforcement officer.
That doesn't get deleted.
I've been painted
as a bad person.
- I think she's a bad person.
- That's her, all right.
NATALIE:
And that taser-happy cop...
- Broke b*tch.
- ...is out there looking for me.
- [PRISON ALARM BUZZING]
- [CELL DOOR CLOSING]
I can't catch a break
with law enforcement.
- ♪ [QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
- [DISTANT DOG BARKING]
NATALIE: I walked
into the kitchen,
- and there she was.
- ♪ [DRAMATIC MUSICAL STING] ♪
NATALIE: Mrs. Myrtle.
She's the actual owner
of the house.
And she's looking at me like,
"Who are you?"
Mrs. Myrtle
wasn't her real name,
but she was a nice old lady.
- Hi.
- Hello?
MRS. MYRTLE: It was bizarre.
♪ [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
MRS. MYRTLE: My friends
from California were here
- and we were having coffee.
- ♪ [PLAYFUL MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
MRS. MYRTLE: It wasn't
really funny, but it was like...
They're sitting there and said,
"What is going on here?"
Who is that?
MRS. MYRTLE: She has
these big pearls on her neck
and a bathing suit.
- Hi.
- I'm confused.
Like, they're confused.
And they're in their nineties.
You know, poor people.
I could have given them
a stroke.
Ooh!
MRS. MYRTLE: We were waiting
for my niece to come.
Her name was Sarah.
- ♪ [PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
- Sarah! [CHUCKLES]
MRS. MYRTLE:
My friend from California
has macular degeneration.
[SQUEALS] Sarah,
we've been waiting for you!
- [CHUCKLES] Mm-hmm. Mm!
- Oh, oh!
MRS. MYRTLE: She hugs Natalie
because she thinks it's Sarah.
[MARY LAUGHS, SMOOCHES]
I give this damn lady a hug.
MRS. MYRTLE:
And she says, "I'm Auntie."
It's me, Auntie!
MRS. MYRTLE: And I'm saying,
"Um, that's not Sarah."
- Not Sarah?
- No, Mary, not Sarah.
Then, uh, who... who...
who... who... who are you?
I'm calling the police.
- ♪ [TENSE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
- [TELEPHONE RINGING]
- Naples PD?
- There's no need for that, Jim.
- ♪ [QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
- Hello? Hello?
MRS. MYRTLE: I would've called
the police immediately,
but I didn't feel
threatened at all.
I was just watching her.
Like, "What on earth
is she doing?"
She just sort of
made herself at home.
[GIGGLES]
MRS. MYRTLE:
And we just kind of sat there
and watched her.
- ["NATALIE" MUNCHING]
- I was very courteous.
[MUMBLES]
You guys want some chips?
And I said,
"I'll just wait for Gina here."
I'll just wait for Gina here.
[MUNCHES]
And then I got sleepy.
[SNORES]
MRS. MYRTLE:
She goes in the bedroom
and she gets in the bed.
And so there was a bed,
and I'm like,
"Oh, I need a nap."
- ♪ [MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
- ["NATALIE" SNORING]
NATALIE: I ended up
laying down in that room...
[CHUCKLES] ...taking a nap.
This has gone too far.
I'm calling the authorities.
- ♪ [TENSE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
- [TELEPHONE RINGING]
Naples PD.
I said no!
MRS. MYRTLE: She wasn't violent.
She didn't do anything.
She just walked in the house
and then took a nap
in the bedroom.
I need you to run a trace
on that last call.
- ♪ ["WE ARE GOLD" PLAYING] ♪
- ♪ We are gold... ♪
It was a hot day in Florida
so I jumped in her pool.
MRS. MYRTLE: She does a lap
in the swimming pool.
They let me just do whatever.
Marco!
NATALIE: I still thought
it was Gina's house.
I didn't know I was trespassing.
Yet another crime.
- ♪ [TENSE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
- [ENGINE REVVING]
- [GROANS]
- [INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]
♪ [WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
MRS. MYRTLE:
I looked at my friend
and I said, "I gotta do
something about this."
I gotta do something about this.
"She's not in her right mind."
I come out and I talk to her,
and I said...
- You need to leave.
- ["NATALIE" GRUNTS]
Then I guess I was tired
of being there, so I left.
♪ [UPLIFTING MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
MRS. MYRTLE: She ran all the way
through the house,
back out the door.
[PANTS]
Thanks for the chips!
MRS. MYRTLE:
She gets in her car,
drives erratically.
- [ENGINE REVVING]
- [TIRES SCREECHING]
MRS. MYRTLE: The three of us
were standing
at the end of the driveway,
and we discuss
what we should do about it.
And I said, "She has no business
being in a car."
The only thing I can do
is call the police.
- ♪ [PLAYFUL MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
- [TELEPHONE BEEPING]
MRS. MYRTLE: Because otherwise,
who knows where she'll end up?
NATALIE: I ended up
going down to the beach...
- [SNORES]
- ...and I finally took that nap
that I was trying to take.
Hello, Naples Police Department.
- I need to report a--
- [DOORBELL RINGING]
[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]
"MRS. MYRTLE":
Wow, excellent service.
Where is she?
- [TASER CRACKLING]
- ♪ [TENSE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
MRS. MYRTLE: They got me
to go down to the beach
to identify her.
- ♪ [GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
- [SNORES]
MRS. MYRTLE:
And when we found her,
she looked confused and dazed,
and not knowing where she was.
[GROANS, HESITATES]
You're mine now.
- [TASER CRACKLES]
- [SCREAMS, IN SLOW MOTION]
REPORTER 1: Police say
that she walked inside the house
because she thought it belonged
to one of her friends.
- ♪ [WHIMSICAL VIOLIN PLAYING] ♪
- The news clip, actually,
just didn't make local news.
It made national news.
They even showed it
in my hometown.
I was mortified.
REPORTER 2: This woman walked
right through the front door
and really made herself at home.
She needs a good hug,
and some clean clothes,
and a husband, probably.
She was on TV,
and it was hilarious.
A guy on the news said,
"On the bizarre scale
of one to ten..."
This was a 11.
This Naples break-in is crazy.
- [CELL DOOR CLOSING]
- They gave me 45 days.
- ♪ [FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
- Oh, no.
NATALIE: So, they booked me in
at the Collier County Jail,
a.k.a. the Collier County Hotel.
[PRISON ALARM BUZZING]
OFFICER BOBBI: Go to bed.
NATALIE: So, after a few days,
I realized
I finally had all this time
to work on my book.
And so, I'm sitting there,
like, Indian style,
curled down, trying to write.
I was having
a classic beachy morning...
I got a couple chapters written.
Rest in peace, Gina.
- And Natalie...
- ED: She came to me and said
she needed some help
with her book.
So, I said, "Fine.
Well, let's start writing
a book together."
She and I
are writing it together.
As you can see,
her name's on here too.
"Edward Caputo
and Natalie Slavek."
Called Cuckoo Girl.
And that's-- The opening chapter
is about that experience.
- ♪ [QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
- I wanted to do the book
to help other people.
There's so many people out there
that have this disease.
I never heard of bipolar
until, basically,
I met Natalie ten years ago.
There's a lot of cuckoo girls
out there, unfortunately.
And maybe by sharing the story,
they won't feel quite so alone.
The thing about mental illness,
everybody's so dark about it.
I'm just going with the punches,
'cause I like to laugh.
I think laughter
is the best medicine out there.
GROUP: Aw!
♪ [PLAYFUL MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
NATALIE: I'm living the dream.
I'm in control of my life.
And I'm living the state motto.
"Come here on vacation
and stay on probation."
♪ [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
I'm also working on, actually,
a screenplay called Endowed,
and it's about Charlie Sheen,
who is well-endowed,
gets into doing
pornographic movies.
And the director
and producer are looking to film
a pornographic movie
about the perfect p*nis.
[INTERVIEWER CHUCKLING]
And so they're exploring,
you know, like Jon Hamm.
- He's got a reputation for that.
- INTERVIEWER: [CHUCKLES] Yeah.
And different people
who might have a perfect p*nis.
If Charlie Sheen is watching,
call me...
[BLEEP]
- [INTERVIEWER CHUCKLING]
- That's my number.
♪ [MUSIC CONTINUES] ♪
♪ [MUSIC CONCLUDES] ♪
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