01x01 - Toes

[bunniefuu]

NARRATOR: What
you're about to see

may be dangerous,
ill*gal, unethical,

petty, misguided, immoral,
and most definitely stupid.

But it's also all true.

Hmm. Sort of.

♪ [EERIE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

[METALLIC SWISHING]

[INSECTS RUSTLING, BUZZING]

[BREATHES HEAVILY, WHIMPERS]

- [KNIFE SWISHING]
- Oh. Oh, God.

[BREATHES HEAVILY, WHIMPERS]

[MUTTERING, WHIMPERING]

[CONTINUES MUTTERING]

[WHIMPERING]

PHIL: I'm gripping the knife.

I've never been
more in the zone.

My pupils are ginormous.

[BREATHES HEAVILY]

PHIL: I lift my hand up.

- [WHIMPERS] Come on!
- PHIL: And I go, "One..."

I am completely locked in.

- "Two."
- [SCREAMS]

PHIL: I see dollar signs
in my eyes. "Three..."

- [SCREAMS]
- ♪ [MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY] ♪

I wasn't even thinking.
Like, that really wasn't me.

I was... I guess, like a m*rder*r
in that point or a butcher.

I was just... "This
toe needs to come off.

I need to eat it. I
need my 4,000 dollars."

♪ [EERIE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

♪ [MUSIC FADES] ♪

My name is Phillip.

I was born and raised
in Orlando, Florida.

And I'm currently a cast
member at Walt Disney World.

♪ [UNSETTLING MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

[ZIPPER OPENING]

PHIL: This story begins
to take its shape

in the summer of 2019.

♪ [UPBEAT ELECTRONIC
MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

PHIL: At that time in my
life, me and my friends

- were huge Bassnectar fans.
- [AUDIENCE CHEERING]

PHIL: We formed this,
like, traveling circus

of Bassnectar fans.

I saw him 33 times
in three years.

- ♪ [MUSIC STOPS] ♪
- ♪ [SERENE OPERATIC SINGING] ♪

PHIL: We worshipped him.

It didn't really matter
where the show was.

♪ [SINGING CONTINUES] ♪

We were gonna figure
out a way to be there.

[PHONE CHIMES]

♪ [SINGING CONCLUDES] ♪

PHIL: Bassnectar
was gonna be playing

a three-day concert in Colorado.

I was like, "I gotta go."

But I was hurting for cash.

And so, that's when
I kinda switched

into the mode of,

"I need money, I
need money now."

♪ [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

PHIL: Whenever I need
to get money quickly,

I hop on America's best website.

PHIL: Craigslist
has not failed me.

So I made a post just saying...

- [KEYBOARD KEYS CLACKING]
- "I need money now.

Willing to do anything."

"Within reason."

Typically, when you put
"I need money" offer out,

you get the creeps
saying, like...

I'm like, "No, I don't
have that, I'm sorry."

- No...
- [KEYBOARD KEYS CLACKING]

I don't have that.

I'm sorry.

"No, I'm sorry."

Sorry, I don't wanna do that.

I don't want to f*ck anything.

I just wanna work.

- ♪ [MUSIC STOPS] ♪
- [COMPUTER CHIMES]

PHIL: But then,
Steve messaged me.

♪ [UNSETTLING MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

PHIL: It was pretty intriguing.

It's pretty intriguing.

PHIL: So I responded
back saying,

"I'm your guy,
what's your fantasy?"

[CELL PHONE RINGING, BUZZING]

- Hello?
- Hello?

♪ [UNSETTLING MUSIC CONTINUES] ♪

This is Steve.

PHIL: He was very
blunt and to the point.

He says, "I want you to
cut off three of my toes...

cook them..."

Eat them...

and I wanna watch. [LAUGHS]

[CONTINUES LAUGHING]

In that moment, I was just like,

"Damn, I really
wish it was sexual."

[LAUGHS]

It'll be a blast.

I'd like to believe I'm
a pretty smart person,

but my brain just was
not computing the idea

that someone wanted
his toes cut off

and eaten by a stranger
from the internet.

Like, there's...
there's just no way.

♪ [UPBEAT ELECTRONIC
MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

Hi, Phil.

[ECHOING] I've
been watching you.

Don't be shy now.

Cut those f*cking
toes off, b*tch,

and come to me.

I was like, "You know
what? How bad could it be?"

How bad could it be?

- [CACKLES]
- ♪ [MUSIC FADES] ♪

- All right, I'm in.
- ♪ [WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

I cut some toes. I eat
them. I go see Bassnectar.

I wanna see Bassnectar.

Everything's good.

Yeah! [LAUGHS] Yeah,
listen. I said, well...

PHIL: I'm a people
person at my core.

You know, the customer
is always right.

Was like, "f*ck it."

I... I gotta go.

You know what I mean? Like,
I've already told the man

I'm coming. It's
his biggest fantasy.

I can't let him down.

- ♪ [INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
- LUCIA GABRIELLA: Mm, yeah.

Oh, yes. I'm going
to eat you alive.

Every person has a fantasy.

There's nothing
wrong with fantasies.

I am Lucia Gabriella.

I'm an intimacy expert
in Sarasota, Florida.

Unfortunately, people think
that you have to be crazy

to engage in these practices.

But hearing people's fantasies
without judgment, without shame,

it creates a sacred, safe space

for people to really
express themselves.

You know, one of the
things about people

who are into, like,
very hardcore fetishes,

like cannibalism, where
the fantasy is about,

"I want to be eaten."

The whole desire of
someone really eat them up.

Someone wants me so much
that I am part of them.

[PAN HISSING]

LUCIA: Steve, at a deeper level,

is longing so much
to feel connection

and love, unconditional love.

♪ [WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

PHIL: Once we agreed
that we were gonna do it,

he's like, "Oh, do
you have a friend

that you could bring with you

to make me feel
more comfortable?

And I prefer if
it was a female."

Can you bring a friend? Female.

PHIL: And so, now my
mind's thinking, you know,

"Who is, one, free
on like a Thursday,

and two, is down to...

witness cannibalism."

♪ [MUSIC FADES] ♪

I'll be honest, I
tried really hard

not to think of this story
for a very long time.

I don't tell this
story to anyone.

♪ [UPBEAT ELECTRONIC MUSIC
PLAYING OVER STEREO] ♪

♪ [INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

PHIL: We had been friends

since our sophomore
year in high school.

I had nothing to do.

Absolutely nothing for
two years of my life.

I was in a boot,

uh, due to an Achilles
rupture injury

that I had while dancing
for Orlando Magic.

And then, Phil
reaches out to me.

It was from left field.

I give her a call, and I'm like,

"Carolyn, you're
not going to believe

what I'm getting
ready to tell you."

He then lets me know that,

"Look, someone has asked me
to do something very bizarre."

"Uh, he wants me to
cut his toe off."

You can see she's
visibly, like, distraught.

She's like, "What?"

I think that because of our
relationship previously,

we just always established
that nothing was off the table.

I think Phil knew in
asking me, specifically,

that I genuinely
would not judge him.

So, I was really worried
on, like, a legal level...

[CHUCKLES] ...right, of
the legalities of this.

Because worst case
scenario in my mind

is that this goes
horribly wrong.

[YELLS]

And then, we get questioned
by the cops or otherwise.

[POLICE SIREN WAILING]

CAROLYN: Like, "What were
you all even doing here

and how do you know each other?"

We're here to cut Steve's
toes off and eat them.

We're high school friends.

- [CRICKETS CHIRPING]
- [INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]

And she was like, "Are you
actually gonna do this?"

And I was like, "I
think I have to."

You know what I mean?
It's his biggest fantasy.

I kind of want to help him out.

I was honestly... [CHUCKLES]
...in a weird way,

honored more than anything
that he had reached out to me

for this odd job, so to speak.

♪ [UPBEAT ELECTRONIC
MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

PHIL: On the drive over,
it's like I'm on a drug.

Except it's not a drug.

It's an idea.

The drug is the idea
of being in Colorado

with my best friends,
listening to Bassnectar.

Come to me.

[DISTORTED VOICE] Come to me.

Bass! Bass! Bass! Bass!

♪ [TENSE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

CAROLYN: So, when we get
there, to Steve's house,

we see that there's
only one way in

and really one way out.

We're walking in with
zero understanding.

We haven't even seen a picture
of Steve at that point.

PHIL: You know, this is the kind
of stuff your parents say don't do.

- Don't talk to strangers on the internet.
- [KNOCKING ON DOOR]

PHIL: Don't take your best
friend to their house at night.

That was textbook
stranger danger.

I was just breaking
all the rules.

CAROLYN: I think I imagine Steve

being like a recluse
and like a hoarder,

like in his mother's
basement or something,

like playing video games
with, like, a bag of Funyuns.

[CREEPY STEVE WHISTLES]

PHIL: Maybe he just likes feet

and he wants, like,
a feet act done.

[CHUCKLES]

- So hot.
- PHIL: Maybe he's a maniac.

♪ [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

[CREEPY STEVE WHISTLES]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

It's them.

- ♪ [MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY] ♪
- [CRICKETS CHIRPING]

- Hi.
- ♪ [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

PHIL: He's very friendly,
middle-aged guy.

I'm a very friendly,
middle-aged guy. Come on in.

Welcome. [CHUCKLES] Uh,
make yourself at home.

Steve seemed to have a
pretty good life for himself.

He had a nice townhouse. He
had nice furniture, big TV.

He was so normal.

He's so normal.

I am so normal. Thank
you for mentioning that.

[CHUCKLES]

- [SIGHS]
- Oh.

PHIL: He offered me a
beer, which I accepted.

I believe it was
a Stella Artois,

which is... uh, you know.
But I accepted the offer.

Cheers.

Just a really weird setting
to, like, do cannibalism.

- And that's when I see his setup.
- ♪ [TENSE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

PHIL: He had, like, a
sterile pad on the ground,

a cutting board, large knives,

but they were kitchen knives,
which I thought was a bit weird.

It wasn't, like, a
medical-grade knife.

CAROLYN: We could really
do some damage here

and we are, in no way,
medical professionals.

I was starting to get,
like, a bit nervous,

but then I remembered
why I was here.

BASSNECTAR: [DISTORTED
VOICE] Come to me.

PHIL: Sometimes in
life we do things

that we don't really wanna
do for a greater cause.

BASSNECTAR: Yeah.

And this is one
of those moments.

He showed us a contract
for 2,000 dollars.

The light bulb in
my head goes off,

and I remember I'm a vegetarian.

I don't even eat chicken.

I'm about to eat a guy's toe.

So I bumped it up
to 4,000 dollars.

- [ECHOING CLANG]
- PHIL: And he agreed.

STEVE: Ready?

- Yep.
- All right.

PHIL: He told me which toes
he exactly wanted cut off.

I had Carolyn draw
out where on the toes

I needed to cut to get,
like, a clean chop.

And then, the arched part

on the side of the
foot cut off and eaten.

We've established, "Hey,
there's no artery here,

like, we're gonna be okay."

She also took some
of that ointment

and put it all over his foot.

We established I was gonna go,

one, two, three,
knife onto foot.

The cut is happening.

We also established a safe word,

which was gonna
be "Connecticut."

WHISPERING VOICE: Connecticut.

PHIL: 'Cause that's where
Steve was born and raised.

And now, it's showtime.

♪ [UNSETTLING MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

PHIL: I'm ready to go.

I've never been
more in the zone.

I can feel the
excitement of knowing

that I'm gonna have the
money to see Bassnectar

building in my body.

[CROWD CHEERING,
APPLAUDING OVER TV]

PHIL: Carolyn's
holding his hand.

He was sweating. He
was a nervous wreck.

All right.

PHIL: The NBA playoffs
are in the background.

COMMENTATOR: This is what
it all comes down to, folks,

the moment of truth.

He gives me a thumbs-up.

Let's f*cking do this.

CAROLYN: Having the
knife on the toe,

really, I think, put
it into perspective,

the gravity of what
we're gonna do,

and it was petrifying.

It was kind of
this joined energy,

like a trance almost.

We weren't worried about
the score... [CHUCKLES]

of the playoffs anymore.

It was really this
moment of like,

"Okay, we're going to do it."

♪ [TENSE ELECTRONIC
MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

PHIL: I'm laser-focused,

I'm, like, talking
to myself in my mind,

kind of like, you know,
the angel and the devil.

You know, you shouldn't do
this, but the devil's like...

This is your moment right now.

You want the money.
You want the bass.

Do this.

♪ [MUSIC FADES] ♪

And so, I was like, "I'm
riding with the devil tonight."

Let's f*cking do this.

PHIL: So, I go...

- [DISTORTED VOICE] One...
- ♪ [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

two...

three.

"Three." Knife onto the
foot. I lift my hand up.

Let's f*cking do this.

- [GASPS] Connecticut!
- Ooh!

f*ck! "Connecticut"?

- Sorry. Sorry.
- What's up, bud?

I'm like, "What's wrong?
What's the issue?"

And that's when he reveals to
me that he is a karate teacher.

♪ [SERENE OPERATIC SINGING] ♪

PHIL: Now, he's not sure

how he's gonna be
able to teach karate

- without his toes.
- [BONES CRACK]

PHIL: And this is when I
start to get the idea...

♪ [SINGING STOPS ABRUPTLY] ♪

that maybe he doesn't have
much of this planned out.

Hey, I'm gonna show my
feet to my students,

and... and they're
gonna be freaked out.

Oh.

I reiterate to him that
"This is your dream.

This is what you want.

You dragged me out here
on a Thursday night,

so we're gonna do it."
There's no backing out now.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, okay, okay, I'm good.

We were trying to
convince Steve,

more than anything,
to go through with it.

He couldn't really take
looking at the situation

while it was happening,

so we decided to do
it on his stomach.

Yeah, 'cause I could
see him raising it.

You don't wanna see it.

- Good idea, yeah.
- You don't wanna see that.

- STEVE: Thank you.
- Yeah. Okay.

Okay.

[EXHALES]

Let's try again.

♪ [UNSETTLING MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

[DISTORTED VOICE] One.

I am so ready.

Two.

[ECHOING] Give me a
f*cking toe, b*tch.

I want blood.

Three.

I can feel it on my lips.

Connecticut, Connecticut.

- Connecticut.
- Oh, come on.

f*cking...
"Connecticut!" f*ck you!

- Sorry.
- Ooh.

- ♪ [SOFT MUSIC PLAYING] ♪ -
PHIL: He goes into another spiel

about how he's gonna see
all his friends and family

and he's not sure how
to explain to them

why he's missing
half of his foot.

So I was like, "Well,
Steve, that's something

that you probably
should've thought about."

And now, I'm starting to
get a little pissed off,

'cause I'm like, "Is
this man gonna p*ssy out

over his fantasy?"

p*ssy.

♪ [MUSIC FADES] ♪

[ECHOING WHOOSH]

Let me just put
myself on his shoes.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

Mm.

Mm. [CLICKS TONGUE]

The turn-on is when it
stays in the fantasy world.

Mm, these are so yummy. Ready?

Once the idea becoming real,
they just get repulsed by it.

Like, they just get,
like, not about that.

PHIL: So, here we
are. Round three.

I think there's a little
bit of anger in my hand

with the knife now.

I'm like, "This toe's
gotta come off."

- [METALLIC SWISH]
- ♪ [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

PHIL: I see dollar
signs in my eyes

and the man who
dragged me out here

is getting in the way

of me getting that money.

I wasn't even thinking,
like, that really wasn't me.

I was, I guess, like a m*rder*r
in that point, or a butcher.

I was just, this toe
needs to come off.

I need to eat it. I
need my 4,000 dollars.

We've come so close.
And I go, "One...

- two...
- [EXHALES]

PHIL: three."

Connecticut!
Connecticut, Connecticut.

- God!
- I can't. I can't, I'm so sorry.

He goes, "No, I can't,
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

I... I just can't.

I'm really sorry I
wasted your guys' time.

I just don't think
I'm ready yet."

♪ [SOFT MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

PHIL: I come to a stop and,
like, a rush comes over me.

And...

it dies.

["CAROLYN" SIGHS]

CAROLYN: We just
finished our beers

and watched the last little
clip of the playoffs.

COMMENTATOR: Nail-biter
here tonight.

Wow, what a great game.

[CROWD CHEERING OVER TV]

And kind of seemed
like a bad first date.

I mean, it was
just really awkward

- and hard to pull away from.
- ♪ [MUSIC FADES] ♪

That's a great game, huh?

- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- Mm. Yeah.

PHIL: And then, he
surprised me saying that

I was going to be paid
simply for showing up.

- [CELL PHONE CHIMES]
- ♪ [UPLIFTING MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

PHIL: He sends me the money.

- Thank you. Well...
- STEVE: All right.

PHIL: And Carolyn and
I go about our way.

- Thank you.
- "PHIL": Mm-hmm.

PHIL: We get into the car,

and we kind of just sit
in silence for a while,

'cause we can't really believe
that, like, that happened.

I can't really
believe that happened.

I looked at her and I was like,

"What do you wanna do
now?" And she was like,

"Oh, do you wanna
go grab a drink?"

And I'm like, "That seems
like the only decent thing

we can do right now."

- ♪ [WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[LAUGHS]

[BOTH LAUGH]

So then, we just start
drinking straight tequila.

CAROLYN: I think that we
did everything we could

to possibly just push it

to the back of our
minds. [CHUCKLES]

So, the bar was
closing. I was like,

"You know, I don't think
I really wanna go home."

I don't think I wanna go home.

[BOTH LAUGH]

PHIL: So we go
back to her house.

Believe we have
a bottle of wine.

[LAUGHS]

CAROLYN: We just kind
of, like, cuddled.

[MUMBLES, LAUGHS]

PHIL: This new form of bond

now existed between
me and Carolyn,

where I was like, "I
think I love this girl."

♪ [SERENE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

♪ [UPBEAT ELECTRONIC
MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

[RECORD SCRATCHING]

BASSNECTAR: Oh, yeah.

Holy crap. Oh, yeah,
oh, yeah, oh, yeah!

♪ [SERENE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

PHIL: I've always found
her to be attractive.

This really brought us together,
'cause, like, two peas in a pod.

CAROLYN: Phil has one of
the best personalities

that I've ever met.

I appreciate the fact that
he has this boldness in him

and the capability to be bold.

I got one of the
most important people

back in my life.

♪ [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

PHIL: So, everything's good. I
got money. I flew to Colorado.

When I finally landed in
Denver, my friends picked me up.

We get some beers,
we go to a brewery.

All I wanted to do
was hear some music.

As we are headed to the venue,

we see that the show
has been canceled.

A lawsuit filed
against Bassnectar

claims that the
electronic dance music DJ

sexually abused two women.

REPORTER: Ashton has
called the claims untrue.

♪ [PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

PHIL: So, my heart
dropped. I was so furious.

I flew across the country,
I almost ate a toe.

I had a very
traumatic experience

to get to this point.

The times were good,
but I feel like

I can't support, um,
something like that.

And that's when

I really started to kind
of change my perspective

in what's really important.

♪ [ETHEREAL CHORAL
MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

PHIL: Inside of me,
there's two of me.

There's "f*ck It Phil"
and "Responsible Phil."

And for much of
my early twenties,

"f*ck It Phil" ran the show.

I'm happy that I've grown.

I don't get myself in
these kind of situations

still to this day.

I would not do this today.
I'd like to think I wouldn't.

PHIL: He could have died.

We didn't have proper
medical stuff there.

He could have bled out.

Now, I'm charged with,
maybe, like, a manslaughter

because I wanted
to go to a concert.

Who was I?

And what was going
on with my head?

I don't think now
I would ever do it.

♪ [MUSIC FADES] ♪

But there are moments where
I will post on Craigslist

looking to make a
quick buck or two.

- ♪ [ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING] ♪ -
PHIL: And I'll get a message saying...

"Hey, do you think
you could help me

with my biggest fantasy?"

And I just know,
based on the wording,

that it's Steve. And
every now and then,

I'll respond back
and being like,

"Hey, Steve, do
you remember me?"

He goes, "Oh, yeah.
Hey, how's it going?"

"Are you willing to
give another try?"

I'm like, "Sorry, Steve,

I can't go back. I
can't do this again."

[ECHOING SLAM]

Random question.

What if one day

I'm, like, trying to get
a job and they're like,

"Aren't you that toe guy?"

PRODUCER:

♪ [UPBEAT ELECTRONIC
MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

[LAUGHS]

♪ [MUSIC FADES] ♪