Once Again (2023)

[bunniefuu]

I built the temple.

Now it's gone.

That's just the way it is.

So why can't I move on?

I know the nature of life

is constant change

and so is the individual

experience within it.

A wave

taking shape for one moment

and then sinking back into

the body of the ocean.

It's a matter of

perspective, too.

I mean,

get close enough to that wave

closer

and closer,

and it loses its shape

and you're inside of it,

and reality becomes something

else entirely.

Fly up high enough

and you lose sight of that wave,

and all you can see is the wide,

flat surface of the ocean.

If you want to see that wave,

experience that wave,

be that wave,

you got to be in the right place

at the right time.

And by right,

mind you,

I'm not attaching any particular

value to being there.

I'm just saying that's

the way it is.

Fate,

creation,

chance.

All you can do is react,

appreciate, embrace

and just be there and try not to

f*ck things up too much.

Which generally speaking,

tends to be my contribution

to the moment.

Any moment.

Every moment.

This moment.

Naima?

Oh hi.

You look amazing. Naima?

Just give me a second, okay?

Naima?

Everyone's out here.

Are you planning on staying in

here by yourself forever?

Dear God.

Do you hate me?

What did I do to be cast

out by you?

To be cursed with a life of love

and warmth and touch?

Did I offend you, God?

Did I offend you

that I am sentenced to

a mother's embrace?

Did I offend you that I am

condemned to

a father's compassion?

What did I do to you, God?

Why have you wiped it

from my memory?

Would knowledge of my crime be

too terrible for me to bear?

Did I trespass against you, God?

To be punished with

infinite kindness?

Did I offend you

to have my ears

poisoned with music?

My palate made bitter

with sweetness?

My eyes blinded with beauty?

How did I offend you?

What did I do to deserve the

sting of tenderness

and the misery of acceptance,

free of judgment or condition?

Did I offend you, God?

God?

God?

I saw her for the first time

right after I k*lled him.

Crazy bro.

Is he very old

or does he have the

face of a child?

Is he innocent?

Or is he guilty?

Am I innocent?

Or am I guilty?

Did I know better then?

Or do I know better now?

Am I alone or am I with others?

Are there others?

Am I touching them?

Are they touching me?

Does it matter who I touch

or who touches me?

Am I touching anyone?

Are there many

or is there just one?

Is life for the living?

In death all's forgiven.

I feel something.

Rather feel

nothing at all.

Is life for the living?

Is death all forgiving?

Pain that I've hidden.

But is that really living?

Oh.

Rather feel nothing

at all.

Don't want to

feel something.

Is life for the living?

In death all's forgiven.

I feel something,

I feel something,

I feel something.

I feel.

I feel...

- Why is he touching me?

- He's afraid.

Of what?

Of everything.

Of nothing. Of no one.

Of everyone.

Is he afraid of me?

If I open this door,

where will I be?

Where do you want to go?

Back.

Again?

There's no such thing as again.

Again is a trick of

the imagination.

Everything is always new.

Then open the door.

I'm going to go back first.

Uh, uh, uh, uh.

There's no going back.

You just said yourself

that everything is new,

which means everything is now.

Yeah, and now

I'm going back.

Going back where?

Here.

Bro, it's the same door.

Yeah,

but I'm different now.

Okay. You're different,

but the door is still the same.

That's a damn lie.

Everything is always changing.

So even if it's the same door,

it's different now too.

The same door's a different door

all the time.

Then open it.

There are other doors.

Are there?

Or are they all the same door.

With a different

illusion waiting behind it for

you each time it's open?

I don't know.

Oh, oh, oh, maybe

every door is the same.

With a different illusion

waiting for you.

I guess there's no way to tell.

Does it matter what's behind the

door? Or is all that matters is

the act

of reaching out and opening it?

I don't have to open this door

or any of them.

I can just stand right here

and wait.

Wait for what?

For someone to come out

and find me.

How long do you plan on

doing that for?

Someone has to come

out eventually.

How you doing?

Right on.

Well.

That was exciting.

Was it everything you

were hoping for?

Who are you looking for?

What are you looking for?

Are you looking for me?

I hope not.

Because I'm invisible.

He thinks he can see me.

He always thinks he

can see me.

Are you him every time?

Or are you different?

Are there more than one of you?

Are you all the same?

What does it matter?

There might be a thousand of

you.

Or you might be the same one in

disguise.

But you can't even see me.

I'm actually kind of nervous to

say it, but

I've never met anyone like you.

You're just so beautiful.

It's like a dream I had that

I never forgot.

I'm invisible.

I don't know, when you talk

I feel like I'm listening to a

song.

I don't even realize what you

said until the music

finished washing over me.

I'm invisible.

Please don't take this the

wrong way, because I know this

is not all about me.

Well, you listen to me better

than anyone else I know.

Better than my own mother.

When we talk,

I feel understood.

You know what I mean?

I can only hope that you

feel the same way.

I'm invisible.

Can you see me?

Do you want me to see you?

Do you want to see me?

We have so many questions.

But what's the point

of a question

when the circumstances from

which it issued have

changed by the time an answer

can begin to be formulated?

What's the point of an answer

when the answer can

only relate to the point from

which the question was asked...

And that point is gone as time

keeps moving on?

We have so many questions,

but by the time we

learn the why,

the what has changed. And by

the time we know the what,

the why has faded into a dream.

Are questions the result of

the invention of language?

Or is language an extension

of our need

to have our questions answered?

If we didn't have language,

would we have questions?

If we didn't have language,

would you love me?

If we didn't have questions,

would it matter?

When I held you for the first

time, I felt a great wheel of

energy moving through us. Like

we were a link complete

in the chain

that binds the

universe together.

I forgot who I was,

who I am,

and I felt that if I died then,

I could die happy.

Knowing that I felt that

once in my life.

Is that how it felt to you?

It felt nice.

Yeah,

it felt nice.

DeRay?

Come give your mother a kiss,

DeRay.

Come give your mother a

good night kiss.

DeRay?

DeRay?

You alright, Ma?

Where is your father?

Did you have enough to eat?

Where's your brother?

Did the doctors drop by this

morning?

Are we going upstate?

Did you take your medication

before lunch?

Is it still raining outside?

Jesus Christ...

I'm going to change these sheets

if the nurse doesn't come

before dinner.

Louise called.

Laura's wife gave him

another baby boy.

Are your dresses still

in the closet?

I left the bowls by the sink.

I'm going to make a

second set of keys,

so I don't have to bother Mr.

Jackson every time I come over.

I've been researching James,

the brother of Jesus,

for my project.

Did you know,

that Jesus had a brother

who was almost as

enlightened as he was himself?

I paid the water bill

and paid all the bills

back up 'til January.

Did you find my camera?

I had an entire roll on it.

Flowers from the

Botanical Garden.

Sarah saw the last series that I

did, and she said that she would

show it to a gallerist in Soho

who specializes in

photos and prints.

I'm setting the alarm for 7:30.

Does Aaron still work

at the store?

I got to catch the train, Ma.

The train runs every

40 minutes on Sunday...

Why are you alone?

I saw her once again after

I k*lled him.

Once again,

for the very first time.

I know it was her,

but I don't know if it was the

first time that she saw me.

I think she's been

watching me

since before I was born.

I think she'll be watching me

long after I die.

She's never gonna stop

watching me.

But there's one thing

that I don't understand.

Is she here to absolve me

or to convict me?

This is my room.

I mean, it's the room

I grew up in.

Our normal phraseology has

influenced me to describe it

thus, as my room.

So I grew up thinking I own it.

When really it owns me.

I mean, aren't we all owned by

the rooms we grew up in?

It's a prison cell,

and we carry it with us for the

rest of our lives.

We yearn for freedom and

travel far and wide to escape

it, but we never leave it.

And everyone we meet,

any time,

any place;

we bring them right in that

room with us.

I feel safe here.

That's enough,

isn't it?

In an often maligned

episode of my favorite

television show,

a man from our universe runs

into his counterpart

from a parallel universe

and goes mad.

He swears to destroy his

double's universe,

but is thwarted when he's

trapped by his noble,

self-sacrificing counterpart

in an interdimensional corridor

where they'll be

imprisoned forever,

locked in violent

combat for eternity.

It's commonly considered one of

the series worst episodes.

So, you know we're talking

one hell of a show.

Are you looking for punishment

or absolution? If it's

punishment you want,

what do you think the sentence

is going to be?

This time, I can't see her

anywhere. I know she's

watching me, but

I don't see her anywhere.

I know she's watching me,

but for once

I'm alone.

Once in a blessed while I am

alone.

Yo, those Billy Lo n*gg*s

is trash, B.

Straight booty, bro.

I'm alone.

They about to get clapped OD.

Yo, you know we got your back

right, D?

-Yeah, yeah no problem...

I'm alone.

Layton Street crew on the block,

n*gga, the f*ck is you

talkin' bout?

Yo, Peewee,

I heard you been throwing my

name out there talking

some wild craziness.

Peewee?

My name ain't no Peewee, n*gga.

I'm alone.

You know my

f*cking name.

I don't know your name, Mini me.

Why the f*ck should I know

what name they

hung on your diminutive a*s?

Cause every old gunslinger

should know the name of a

young gunslinger that's gonna

boot hill his a*s.

I'm f*cking alone.

Name's Billy Lo.

And I ain't gonna tell you

to forget it, neither.

Cause it's the last thing you're

gonna hear, n*gga.

Oh, you gonna bury us?

Six feet under,

like Han after they pulled his

a*s off the spear

sticking out the mirror, n*gga.

You have disgraced my family

and you have disgraced

a Shaolin Temple.

You ought to know Han don't

battle till you go through the

henchmen, son.

k*ll.

Yeah, let's go!

That's it, that's all you got?

f*ck that sh*t.

He built this temple,

brick by brick, day after day,

tock after tick, time ticking

away. He built this temple.

Wait.

You thought you'd

take the throne?

Thought you could box the golden

child with petty flesh and bone.

Thought you'd seize the kingdom

and call it your own.

Thought you could move in, sh*t,

well, guess who's home?

He built this temple.

Pray on prayer, spirit on fire,

truth teller against

the liar, shattered

every empire.

And y'all thought he was gone?

Thought he could be replaced?

I'm saying he was up there

in the far reaches of space.

He's on the final frontier in

search of greatness,

stars in his palms, heart

racing, handcrafted destiny,

God of his own creation.

You confused? This dude is Zeus

with lightning tucked

in his hands. Damn.

Yeah, trick.

You might have heard that

somebody probably said this,

but let me lay it out for you

like it's forensic evidence.

See, it's evident.

The kid went off the grid to

sit; 40 days and 40 nights.

He's so passionate.

Went insane, found his brains

and now regained his confidence.

Now he's being what we need, not

what we want,

with his sixth sense.

And y'all just a bunch of

crooks and thieves. Please.

He's seen things you ignorant

people wouldn't believe.

Harnessed his emotions and

glided through torment.

He built a house of worship

while y'all were building

warships.

You might go blind from

such a sight.

Look to the right, bro,

he's the light.

Impassively you can

seem him at night,

but please think twice cause,

Jesus Christ,

you ever seen a

deity fight, man?

I tell you it's nothing

nice, right.

But if you don't like your life,

out of a soul full of spite,

please just step into the light,

he'll send you to the afterlife.

Now bow your heads for

kiss goodnight.

I built the temple.

I am the temple.

And I'm alone.

You're alone.

I'm alone.

Can you see me?

Yeah,

I can see you.

Why?

Why?

Why are you the one that

can see me?

Do you want me to see you?

It seems that's the pertinent

question here,

and you're the only one

with the answer.

So.

Tell me, Naima.

Do you want me to see you?

Sure.

But you'll have to buy a ticket

like everybody else in here.

You want to get into this room,

you have to pay the price

of admission.

But you'll also have to

find yourself a seat.

Because I play to a sold out

house every night.

Only problem is

You're all invisible too.

I saw you for the first time

after I k*lled him.

Are you going to absolve me

or condemn me?

How can I do either when I don't

know where you are or who you

are?

I built the temple.

I am the temple.

Come find me.

I'm scared.

Why?

You shouldn't be here.

You shouldn't be here.

I'm safe here.

That's a lie.

I have love here.

You have love,

but it didn't keep you safe.

I'm safe in this love.

No matter what happens

in this love, I'm safe.

Come find me.

I'm safe in this love.

You're not safe.

You're trapped. You're trapped

by a love that can't even begin

to protect you.

And yours can?

Come find me.

So I can judge you?

Yeah.

Why me?

Because,

you're the one

who saw me.

I have love here.

k*ll it.

Are you ready for

bed, sweetheart? Yeah? Ready?

Come on, big man.

Come on. Let's go to bed.

Come on, let's go...

Once again,

for the very first time.

Yo, bro. Who's that?

Over there?

Yeah.

It's Naima.

She used to go out with Marco.

Go out or stay in?

Look, D.

As I spied a particular look in

your eyes,

I settled upon a

delicate turn of phrase.

Whatever the case may be,

whatever they did before they

started going out,

that's they business.

And I wasn't there to bear

witness to it. So...

Yo,

you know a n*gga in trouble when

he's already jealous before

even talking to the woman.

She f*cking with anybody now?

n*gga, how am I supposed to know

that kind of information?

n*gga, you knew she was f*cking

with Marco.

That's because Marco's my dog,

D, so I know who he's

going out with.

I don't keep up with the

movements of his discards.

From here on out

you got to do your

reconnaissance, my boy.

Why he end it, though?

Seek and ye shall find.

Pull back the curtains, all

should be revealed. Promise.

Man, I pulled back many a

curtain. The only thing that was

left was yet another mystery.

Is the nature of the revelation

important? Or is the meaning in

the quest itself?

You can ask or don't ask.

Go or don't go.

You can sh**t your shot or keep

it in the holster, n*gga,

there will be truth in whichever

course of action you choose to

pursue. So, what do you want to

happen?

Yeah. I'm gonna go

introduce myself.

Do I know you?

I'm a friend... of a friend.

Marco.

Who?

Marco.

Who?

Oh, it's like that?

I don't care about your friends

or your friends of friends.

Who are you?

You know who I am.

Everyone in here knows who I am.

I don't.

Starletta, does she know

who I am?

She knows.

Anything I knew was meaningless,

now that you're here.

Now that you're here,

the only thing that matters is

who are you in relation to me?

I thought you'd never ask.

They go suckin', f*ck',

orgasm, vagasm, shivering,

cummin', touchin', kissin'.

In the rain. In the sun.

Upstairs. Downstairs. In the

car, bedroom, sittin' room.

Boom, boom. I'm coming. I'm

coming,

I'm coming. I'm coming.

I'm coming. I'm coming. I'm

coming.

I'm coming. Spooning.

Missionary.

Doggy style. Cowgirl.

Climb on top. Or should I

come on top?

Sloppy top. Don't stop. I'm

coming! (Are you coming?)

I am coming.

(Are you coming?)

I am coming.

(Are you coming?)

I am coming.

(Are you coming?)

I am coming.

(Are you coming?)

I am coming.

(Are you coming?)

I am coming. I am coming.

When I push it in. All in my

thing, hard thing.

Oh, yeah. Oh, she said,

ow! Ow! Ay, yeah! Oh!

I've seen you before.

We never met.

We've met. You've been watching

me my whole life.

Why would I do that?

So that you can judge me.

Judge you for what?

I'mma go now.

You just got here.

I'm not ready for this.

Then why did you come over?

So I could put something down

that I could build on later?

You try to come back and put

something down,

you're going to be building

something by yourself.

I'm not ready.

Ready for what?

I'm not ready to die.

Why would you die?

Because you're going to k*ll me.

That's crazy.

That's why you're here,

isn't it?

To k*ll you?

Yeah.

Why on earth would I want

to k*ll you?

Because I'm guilty.

Guilty of what?

Everything.

Tell you what.

Where I live is no secret.

You come over,

when you're ready.

I'll let you in.

You won't let me in.

Tell you what.

Let yourself in.

Naima.

Naima...

Yeah.

I was saddened to hear about

your family. It was a terrible

tragedy.

Yeah.

Come down here. Allow me to

comfort you.

I'm okay.

No one can go it alone, Naima.

Especially not you.

Come down here.

You were leaving anyway, weren't

you?

I'm invisible.

You can't see me.

A mirror free of glass, a spirit

free at last, a voice

raised high in prayer,

dropped low in mourning.

A feeling meant to pass.

A mood that's always blue.

An all-seeing eye blinded by the

sun rising in the morning.

A ceiling meant to be broken.

A curse that's always you.

You taught me a game that

I'd rather not play.

Me running,

you tagging.

Me hiding, you dragging me away.

There's no love in the love that

you proclaim every day.

No grace on my knees to receive

when I pray.

Now you can search for me every

highway or byway

I'll be far beyond reach.

You got nothing left to teach,

if you ever did.

Nothing worth knowing.

Nothing that's not better off

hid, in fact; You're invisible.

No one can see you either.

Fade into the ether, memory

shards stuck in my mind

like glass, deep cut on a wound

that will never heal, bad luck

on a run that'll never pass.

Keep that shard in my

womb like a seal.

Pull it out I might

bleed to death.

So I live with my pain,

breath after breath, 'cause

living is better than dying.

Guess I'll know soon enough

without even trying.

So, I let it go.

Learn the truth of that truth,

or the truth of the lie,

I'll reap what I sew.

I love what I hate, I hate

what I love.

Right feels like wrong, wrong

feels like right.

It's Heaven below and Hell up

above, I'll never escape you.

But you will never catch me.

So I guess it's all right.

I guess it's all right.

Eve in Eve's garden.

What you call Paradise is prison

to me.

Cut me loose from Adam's rib and

watch me harden.

Because as a child, you knew I

was a child,

I was broken as a child, I

couldn't speak as a child.

But as a man, you took away my

childish things.

So you look in the mirror,

darkly, and now face to face.

And now you should know yourself

as you should always been known.

But me? I am a woman.

Watch me soar on lyrical wing.

It may be broken.

It may be fragile. But it bears

me aloft and keeps me agile.

I am here.

Somewhere between time and space

my mind is clear

and my heart is keeping pace.

Like the ticking of a clock.

Tick tock. Tick tock.

Despised by God.

Despiser of all things great.

I hate what I love.

And I love what I hate.

You all right?

Guess you're not

invisible anymore.

This is a moment.

This is a moment in time.

While it lasts,

it's forever.

Then it's gone.

This is a moment in time.

While it lasts, it's forever.

While it lasts...

I don't want you in my house!

DeRay, get the f*ck out!

It's forever.

In the beginning.

In the beginning.

In the beginning...

I was safe.

You felt safe.

In the beginning, I felt safe.

In the beginning, with your arms

around me, I knew I

could take on this world.

I woke up in my room.

It's in a hotel on a

planet in a galaxy many millions

of light years away from Earth.

I was late.

The last flight back to Earth,

ever,

was leaving shortly, and if I

missed it,

I would be left on this planet

forever.

Which might be all right,

because love is here on this

planet.

I knew that if I returned to

Earth,

I would live a normal long life,

and that if I stayed here

on this planet with love on it,

my life would be

indescribably brief.

I was rushing to make the flight

on time when I realized I

forgot something very important

back in my room.

I missed the flight.

Her name is Naima.

I changed it to Anne in

my mind because I didn't want

everything in my life to

be about Naima.

I was going to stay here for the

rest of what I knew is

going to be a very short life.

So I followed her up

towards the crest of the

mountain that overlooked

my new home.

Am I the only one who saw the

entire surface of this planet

was made of bones?

It wasn't very frightening,

but it was a hell of a thing.

And then it hit me.

My mother was never going to see

me again.

She was going to think I

died somewhere far

away in space.

I never made it to the top of

that mountain.

And life is still so short.

I guess that's what

happens when you love.

For a lifetime,

for an hour,

for a minute.

When you find love,

life is incredibly short.

I've been looking at you your

entire life. But I never seen

you before.

Until now.

I found comfort in your arms for

the first time.

I found my voice in the

darkness.

I found comfort in your arms.

This voice is my own,

and it was fashioned

in the darkness.

You gave me comfort. But this

voice is mine.

These men scream and fight back.

It's easy. So quit looking for

your spot here. It's like you're

not here, I won this battle

before you got here.

I just smacked him.

What's up Shorty,

what you want?

Can you see me?

Yeah, b*tch, I see you.

Tell you what, you

look good, too.

Why don't you come see

me after I battle?

Let you mop these floors?

I ain't here to mop no floors.

I'm here to clean your clock.

sh*t, okay. Period.

Disrespectful. You know,

I don't know who the f*ck

you think you are.

This is my sho-

Chill, chill bro. It's Naima.

She stay up in Co-op City.

Think she hot sh*t cause she

write a little poetry.

Ah, poetry.

So, you spitting that wack sh*t?

So you think you

could battle me?

I don't care if I battle you.

I'm here to battle the world,

and you're just a benchwarmer

standing in my way.

Put me in coach,

take her out.

So move aside,

I'll spare your life.

Stand fast,

Imma run right through you.

Choice is yours.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Make your move, homey.

Do what you do.

All right.

Okay, here we go.

It looks like my patience

is being tried.

Y'all know last n*gga that tried

it, straight up and died.

Natural time had nothing to do

with it.

Just sharpened up my flow and

stuck his heart through with it.

I'ma tell y'all about some

sh*t that occurred.

Only because it's finna

happen twice.

You should have took

me for my word,

'cause now your a*s is on ice.

The pick in your neck

like a Sicilian hit...

"But she's such a

sweet little girl"

man, you know I ain't

giving a sh*t.

Popping off your mouth like the

proud owner of a d*ck. Man,

you making me sick.

The work split like your t*ts.

Hocus pocus.

I'll whip a pot like a witch.

Who is this?

I'll treat you like your

mom's in this b*tch.

I still take your a*s to school,

so stop acting like you sick.

You know what I think?

You could take it way better

than you could give.

I'll tell you what, you let me

f*ck later and I'mma let your

a*s live, cause this ain't no

fair case, bare face so they

know it's me.

She should have stayed home if

she was goin' to recite poetry.

I mean, you know, for me,

it's best to keep extra lead.

Thought this was a game, and now

her b*tch a*s is left for dead.

You can rap now.

I might be slow.

Did that sound like a threat?

I don't know.

It was as weak as weak gets. I'd

say it was weak as water,

but water's got flow.

Yo sh*t drier than a tired old

p*ssy on a tired old h*.

Took on so many Johns she

can't feel it no more.

Can't even get up and show them

the door. Nah. So tired,

your d*ck ride is exhausted;

they wheel fell off.

These n*gg*s can't back

you in a battle

their hands too soft.

Look at you and

your best friend.

I knew he'd come and

support you alone.

Hold up,

y'all n*gg*s too close.

Y'all b*tches wear

the same cologne.

You say,

I act like I own a d*ck.

While you wave yours in my face.

Might have impressed me if it

wasn't smaller than a needle out

in deep space.

Face. I know you want to save

the fool one you got.

Shot, buried without a case.

Race to escape

being taken down by this

thug. Disparage me?

I can disparage myself.

How great can I be when

my competition's so shitty.

Wait. Why am I even

talking to this n*gga?

He'll never make four figures,

never have an action figure.

Can't even find his father

figure. Wait.

Let's look out in the crowd. He

might be here right now. Psych!

I'm the only one that came

looking for you, I'm

your daddy now.

Sounds like a round two to me.

That sound like

a round two to me.

f*ck you mean a round two?

I just beat her.

Do you forfeit?

- You know I don't forfeit.

- You see me-

You either gonna step

in the ring or you gonna

forfeit. It's one or the other.

Alright, f*ck it.

You see this

equal opportunity sh*t?

Sad to me.

I mean, you going through

t*rture, your a*s already been

had by me. This is A.I.

Layup line. Easy cake,

all your shots be off.

b*tch, I'll make you pay bottom

dollar to top me off.

Y'all all watch.

You know I ain't shy.

Might go Dodo for that Dodo, you

know I can't fly. But really,

I don't know why they lie.

Cause I'm trying to see it y'all

way, but at this point, it's

blas, blas. Cause y'all say

say she's my way, and I say nah.

You see, this is why,

you should throw in your towel,

cause I just ate all I

could eat.

This is Golden Corral, and nah,

I ain't holding you down. I'm

just holding you down

until you stop twitching,

like you not different, so stop

bitching. You see, y'all b*tches

how every woman is a god

and how y'all must

all be queens. I mean,

it's only right you get

swept by this king.

Leave you crying when I take

a knee and let this b*tch ring.

I mean, is y'all n*gg*s not

entertained?

I mean she got to be insane,

what the f*ck is going

through her brain?

Thought she had the sauce 'til I

turn her to a stain.

Let me chill though. I'm a

let you enjoy your five

minutes of fame.

Should have never tried to

force it, now you're going down

that drain. It's a shame.

You can rap.

Well, since y'all keep

bringing that sh*t up,

how about some poetry?

We ready, we ready, we ready!

I'm not a queen like the rest.

More like the goddess of death.

I've been praying in darkness

to darkness's prince. And you

don't know it

but this soul was forged in a

fiery abyss far below this.

So I've been waiting for this

g*dd*mn moment,

every g*dd*mn moment since.

You think you hard.

Think you tough.

Think you got edge.

Well, now you face to face

with a face that's never

seen the ledge.

I pushed n*gg*s off

them, though.

But I don't even rob 'em.

Just feed 'em to my demons.

Call them Gomorrah and Sodom. I

burn through these cities

the way I spit fire inside 'em.

You was right. This equal

opportunity sh*t?

It's not a fair fight.

What's the use?

This, you can never hit.

I can't even call it abuse. You

can't beat this b*tch. That's

what you keep calling me, right?

A b*tch? Well, b*tch get spayed.

You the only one here

that's b*tch made.

You demean the dreams of

goddesses and queens,

but this king lives in a hovel

in Jamaica, Queens.

Jamaica, what they call it,

but you got a leaky a*s tub

and no ocean, no sun.

You can't get clean

like mother, like son.

Man, in yo, sh*t, you step

on a crack, you break

your mama's back. Well,

sprinkle some crack and get

your mama back.

Now, I didn't need to battle you

for you to commit suicide

with your verse.

Somebody call the parlor, let's

get a hearse. I'll pick up the

tab. I know you can't afford it.

Just keep doing what you're

doing, and soon you'll board it.

Now bye player,

I'll pray for your soul. You're

just another goofy a*s fool that

got between me and my goal.

Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa

whoa whoa whoa whoa.

It's getting too personal in

here right now.

Let's make some noise and see

who won. For this side.

For this side, here.

Bye, player!

Bye, player!

Get the hell out of my way! I

grind up suckers like you

every g*dd*mn day!

Bye, player.

You're welcome to stay.

But from here on out, we're

doing things my way.

Bye, player.

We doing things my way.

Bye, player.

You're welcome to stay.

Bye, player.

Doing things my way.

Bye, player.

Doing things my way.

Bye, player.

Doing things my way.

Bye, player.

This was a moment.

While it lasted,

it lasted forever.

This was a moment.

This was a moment.

This was a moment.

Come on.

Come on, get off.

Get off...

I'm alone.

But she's watching me.

She's been watching me

since before I was born.

That's DeRay Solomon...

I thought you

were dead.

Yeah, not for long, bro.

Yeah, alright.

Hey, yo, DeRay!

You don't f*ck with

us no more, brother?

Nah, it ain't even

like that, man.

Now, this m*therf*cker too

good to f*ck with us.

It ain't even like that. Yo,

what up, Zeke, man?

So, where you at, D?

Yo, I'm here n*gga.

No.

Where you been at?

You know, bruh.

You don't battle no more.

Nah, I battle. I battle.

Yo. Who's this ghost-eyes

n*gga, man?

This is DeRay Solomon, n*gga.

Yeah. All right,

all right, this is true.

Now, this the m*therf*cker

that built the temple.

All right,

show some respect.

I used to go there, man.

Where you been at?

Yo. He don't battle no more.

I battle. I just took out Billy

Lo and his crew over in

Coney Island the other day.

That n*gga wack as f*ck, man.

Nah, he got skills.

You the m*therf*cker

that built the temple and you

battling Billy Lo?

Nobody gonna give a f*ck

about that.

I mean, he got a ways to go,

but he got skills.

Look, if you really want to

battle.

You got to go up

to the Heights, D.

Alright? That's where Sky

Captain, Lunatic Moon,

Son of Satan, the Remix

Brothers, that's where they at.

I don't battle there.

- Why not?

Cuz I done it and it's bullshit.

Nah, that n*gga just scared.

Man, that n*gga too old.

m*therf*cker that

built the temple...

Yo, f*ck the temple.

I go where I want to go.

You know what I'm saying?

Well you should man,

that temple old as f*ck. Better

to build your own-

I ain't gotta build sh*t

either, you feel me?

Yo, matter of fact, let

me see something.

You built the temple,

show us a prayer.

I would, but she's

watching me.

Who's watching you?

Yo, I be seeing you, Zeke.

Hey, only real battles

up in the Heights.

If you want a battle, that's

where you got to go.

Yeah. All right.

Yo, man, that n*gga weird

as f*ck, man.

f*ck the temple.

f*ck the battle.

f*ck the praying.

f*ck the loving. f*ck the

hating. f*ck the fears.

f*ck the pain. f*ck the tears.

f*ck the moment. f*ck the years.

f*ck the struggle. f*ck the

sweat. f*ck the stone we squeeze

for every drop of blood

that we get.

f*ck sunrise and f*ck sunset.

f*ck the grind.

f*ck the f*cking dagger lodged

deep inside my mind.

f*ck the monster.

f*ck the beast.

f*ck the faces of kindness they

hide behind and the innocence

on which they feast. f*ck me.

f*ck you. f*ck your mother.

f*ck your grandmother

too. f*ck your shoe.

f*ck every chore

and f*ck every act of mercy

I feel inclined to do.

f*ck my faith.

f*ck my doubt.

f*ck beauty within.

f*ck beauty without.

f*ck being empty.

f*ck being whole.

f*ck the body.

f*ck the spirit.

f*ck the mind.

f*ck the soul.

f*ck in front of and behind.

f*ck it. f*ck everything.

f*ck it all. f*ck man before

and after the fall.

f*ck living. f*ck trying. f*ck

acceptance. f*ck dying.

f*ck the pose.

f*ck attitude.

f*ck resentment.

f*ck gratitude.

f*ck the earth. f*ck the sky.

f*ck the answer. f*ck the why.

f*ck going. f*ck coming.

f*ck being. f*ck becoming.

f*ck being alone.

f*ck being with you.

f*ck lies. f*ck sighs.

f*ck false and f*ck true.

f*ck revelations and f*ck

machinations.

f*ck dreams and

f*ck meditations.

The longer I live,

the less I know.

f*ck it. Let it go.

Let it go.

Let it go.

I bring my room with me

everywhere I go.

But everything is new all

the time, isn't it?

Even my room.

Just cause you let someone in

doesn't mean they have to be

able to see or touch everything.

Does it?

Does it?

Come in.

Can we talk out here?

I thought we were staying in.

I don't want to go in there.

I don't understand.

I'm not ready to die.

What are you talking about?

I don't deserve to live,

I know that,

but I'm not ready to die yet.

I'm sorry.

Don't do this.

I'm gonna go now.

I feel safe with you.

You feel comfort.

That's what you told me.

There's a difference.

You told me to come

and find you.

I found you.

You told me to k*ll everything

that gave me comfort.

And I did that.

I k*lled it for you.

Not everything.

Help me.

I don't know how.

Please stay.

Bye, Naima.

You did right.

Who the f*ck are you?

You know who I am.

What do you want?

Just to thank you.

For what?

Doing the right thing.

I don't know that it was.

It was. For me anyway.

Come down and

I'll thank you personally.

You think you can simply

walk back in there after

what you just did to her?

I'm not going back there.

No,

you're not going there and

you're not coming here.

What exactly is it you think

you're going to do?

DeRay. Is that you?

Come give your mother

a good night kiss.

You all right?

Did your brother

finish his dinner?

Where's Dad?

Did you brush your teeth?

I put all my books and records

away and cleaned the closet.

I haven't read your report card

yet. I figured I'd wait till

morning for that excitement.

There's fire trucks

on the block.

I thought it was for a fire,

but I think it's just for

someone who's sick.

If the dishes are over the

middle line in the sink, that

means they need to be washed.

I have a rip in my black jeans

on the knee part.

Miss Davis called. She said she

wanted to know if Tammy and

Shawn walked home with you.

I lended Tyreek my notebook

so he can copy down

the homework questions.

It's not due until Thursday,

so, I'll be done way in time.

I haven't finished my

research on Alvin,

so I'll

be up for a while.

Maizie won the dance off. She

was really good.

You get half an hour of TV,

then it's lights out.

Dale's mom made

chocolate chip cookies,

and he gave them to everyone in

our class except me and Jojo.

What's that on your hand?

Did you hurt yourself?

Where's Dad?

Do you want to sleep in here

with me tonight?

f*ck.

In my favorite book when

I was a boy, the hero,

don't laugh, is in his present

incarnation,

a southern gentleman

and former soldier of the

Confederate Army.

He's a man who can't remember

ever being anything other than

30 years old,

or a time in history when he

wasn't a warrior.

Some years after the end of the

Civil w*r, tormented by

idleness, he goes

prospecting for gold in the

Arizona Hills,

where he runs afoul of

some Apache braves who sh**t him

dead with arrows.

Only thing is,

he doesn't really die.

He can't die. Not just yet.

Because he has

unfinished business.

He steps outside of his

own corpse and sees it

lying there at his feet.

Then he feels an incredible

energetic pull from above,

and he looks up to see

the night sky spread out

like a mantle overhead.

And at its heart,

the planet Mars,

cradle of all w*r and

blood and battle,

pulsing red and beckoning him.

He reaches his arms upward

and feels his spirit being shot

through space like a

stone from a sling.

And when he awakens,

naked as a newborn babe,

still a man of 30, he knows he

has come home at last to

his one true home.

Oh, and one more thing.

His sojourn on this strange

planet Earth and its heavier

gravity has strengthened his

muscles. So when

he leaps,

he spans a league.

And when he strikes, he's

stronger than any

ten martians put together. You

see, when he left home, he

left a man. But when he came

back, he came back a superman.

Back it up, back it up,

back it up! Woohoo!

There are battles below.

And there are battles

in the heavens.

Yeah!

You in the heights now,

m*therf*ckers!

Hey!

Immortals never die.

Yeah!

But they can

sure taste defeat.

You know what I'm saying?

Sky Captain.

Defeat's worse than

death, but I don't plan on

tasting either one.

I know, that's right. Yeah.

All right.

The gods create, but people

decide their fate.

Damn, that's the paradox

of life right there.

Well, well, well, look who came

to the Heights. What's up boy?

Oh! Hey, yo. Get

him the f*ck out of here! Yo!

Chill, chill, chill,

chill, chill.

This is where the gods battle.

Yo, DeRay built the temple.

That's cool.

You can get on your knees

and pray with all that sh*t.

But you ain't battling here

today, nah.

I battled here before.

You must've forgot.

Maybe you did.

Did you win?

- It was inconclusive.

- Nah!

Wait wait wait.

Whoa. Peace, peace. Peace,

though. Hold up, hold up I know,

I know, I'm saying, but hold up,

hold up. I'm saying it's been a

minute. Yo, man,

what's really going on?

Where you been at?

I've been living life, you know,

doing sh*t that those

living life do.

I feel you, I feel you.

You ready for this, dawg?

Like Abraham, when he took a

hammer to the false prophets,

leaving them broken in the dust.

Yeah, but you know

the rules, my brother.

You fall short here today, you

ain't never coming back here

again. Know what I'm saying?

Yeah, yeah, yeah I know.

Do your thing.

Oh...

Let's go!

That's enough... That's enough,

that's enough!

The gods create,

but people decide their fate.

Remix Brothers laid

down the f*cking law!

Let the defeated kneel

before them in awe.

Defeated? Wait wait wait

wait, wait. Run that back.

Run that back, brother! See,

before you utter some dumb

sh*t like that. Let me

ask you a question.

Oh.

Hey. Yo, Chuck, ask

him the question.

Kick it.

Superman kneels before Zod and

his brother,

just like a man kneels before

his god and any other.

Seems to you like things are the

way they're supposed to be.

It ain't really looking that way

to me, see.

Now y'all got us bent backwards

like the backs of gymnastics,

that's wrong.

When all along we fought against

gods to put y'all on

in sparring matches with devils

for training practice,

we resurrect the dead and split

the Dead Sea with our magic.

It's deeper than what you

believe in, it's our way of

coping and grieving and growing

and dreaming and focus for

reason when hope gets us even.

This globe is the season where

folks get to leave and turn cold

as a coat in the breeze

when there's snow on

the leaves, it's treason.

So Imma wrap up this verse to

challenge his wisdom

and pray he saves you before you

crucify it with criticism.

I ask

what came first the egg or

the bird? Which gives birth, the

idea or the word?

What's more important, the

sooner or the later?

Which is more potent? Creation

or its creator?

The way I see it...

Once the work is done and the

maker is gone

and his work lives on,

in his name, I ask you.

Who deserves more fame,

the getter or the giver?

Who is the richer?

The singer of the song

or its receiver?

Who's more blessed?

The deity or the believer?

Y'all, he built this

g*dd*mn temple,

every move he makes

opens a brand new door.

You have the guts,

you'll follow him through it.

You gotta let go of what was

and follow us to glory.

Even the gods lack the courage

to do it. You gotta be a man to

tell a man's story. Yeah.

He built this temple

to show you the path

and the way. That is

creation creating its own

creator, creating a new God

each time that you pray.

He built this temple.

You built this temple.

I guess it's your right to knock

it down if you want to.

But what you're doing up in here

ain't where we at. You feel me?

Don't come here again. We out.

sh*t, It's how we do.

It is now.

I'm gonna break north

for a minute, bro.

Alright, man. Peace to

the God, bro.

Peace to the God.

Stay up man.

- Alright bro.

How you doing, son?

I'm alright.

Come sit up here next to me.

You know, Mom's been

asking about you.

She knows where to find me, if

she wants me.

Well, she's asking anyway.

That was beautiful what

you just showed them.

Something that was always there

but has never been seen before.

It's nothing like what

you used to do.

No need for comparison.

I'm proud of you.

Thank you.

I know what you did that day.

Your mother can't help you with

this, you know? She means well,

but she can only make it worse.

What can be worse than having

done it in the first place?

It's nothing I haven't

done myself before.

One time,

a hundred times,

a thousand times.

What does it matter?

I just can't let

it go like that.

No need to let it go.

Then what the f*ck am

I supposed to do?

You're a man. Live with it.

"Somewhere"

by Naima Davis.

I'm saying this because I saw a

movie and heard a song

called that in it.

Can I tell it just to you later?

And you can give me

my grade then?

You're in a classroom with

other children, Naima.

The purpose of this assignment

is to share your poetry

with others.

The song says there's a place

for us somewhere.

I'm just looking for

a place for me.

A place for us two is a place

I don't really want to be.

There's things I want in this

place. I made a list.

This part doesn't really rhyme,

so I guess it's not

really a poem.

Not every poem

needs to rhyme.

I want it to have lots of

sunlight and lots of grass.

I want it to have butterflies,

and I want it to smell like

Aunt Cora's yard when we

visit her for the 4th of July.

I want it to be wide and free

with trees so far so nothing big

could cast a shadow over me.

I guess that rhymes.

Yes it did.

Do you like it better when it

rhymes or when it doesn't?

I want to hear the

way you wrote it.

I didn't write it.

Who did?

No one.

What do you mean?

I mean, I'm just saying

it right now.

That's not exactly

what I had in mind when I

assigned it as homework, Naima.

I'm sorry.

Why don't you ask your

classmates how they would

like to hear it, then?

I guess I'll just say it the

way it comes to me.

All right.

In this summer place, I want

the sun to be shining

always on my face, so

that my own shadow is always

behind me and out of sight.

And all the shadows are

gone. And it's a sun that

feeds me a special light.

So I'm never hungry. And I

never have to look for food.

I'm always in a good mood.

And I'm never tired, so I never

need to close my eyes.

And I don't need sleep.

So I don't need to dream.

Not ever.

You can look but you'll never

find me. Because even though

there are no walls here,

there are also no doors to let

anyone out or in.

Not a single wall or

room or hall.

Most especially, no stairs,

going up or down or

anywhere at all.

It's just me there.

Not my friends,

not my family, and most

especially, not God.

Sounds like a very

special place, Naima.

But why can't your family

be there with you?

Because I k*lled them.

You k*lled your family?

Yes.

Why did you k*ll them?

For love.

And God?

God is everywhere, you know.

There's no place

you can imagine or go where

God isn't already there.

Then I guess I'll have to

k*ll him too.

You k*ll me and you

k*ll yourself.

Maybe.

But I met this guy.

He built the temple.

I even prayed there with him

for a minute or two.

And I don't know if there's

a God or not,

but I know one thing.

You are not him.

And one day

I'm going to k*ll you.

I guess this is just another

drop of rain in the ocean, huh?

It's the thought that counts.

I let myself in, just

like you said.

You keep it.

It's yours.

I'll knock next time.

You knock, I might not

let you back in.

I guess we'll just have

to wait and see, huh?

Are you going to break my heart?

Are you going to k*ll me?

I saw you standing out here, so

I figured I'd say something.

Are you all right?

Yeah. Better.

Me too.

I heard.

You say

That you'd stay.

Then why you've been

so far away.

Since I fought for you.

But you

Fought me too.

Every heart and

Every soul burns.

But we'll still

have those dreams.

And if this instinct.

Is all we're given.

Right now, is all I need.

So I fought for you.

But you...

I have a special

place just for me.

You're the only person

I let in there,

even for a minute.

Can we go back there?

There's something

I have to do first.

I'm probably not

going to be back.

Are you going to wait here?

Nah.

Well, I guess you're

going to live, then.

Yeah.

All right.

I built the temple for you.

And I tore it down for her.

Now, I'm going to build

something new...

For me.

Once again.

For the very first time.

Living my life

The God in me.

Is the God in you.

In this moment of creation.

See it all come true.

This euphoria is far above

a simple pleasure.

See in the world of

of sensation.

Love's the only treasure.

Living legend. Yeah.

Legend alive.

Legendary baby,

I'm just living my life.

Living legend? Yeah.

Legend alive. Legendary.

Baby, I'm just living my life.

Yeah, yeah yeah yeah. Yeah

yeah yeah yeah.

Living legend. Yeah.

Legend alive. Yeah.

Let's dance baby.

I'm just living my life.

Living legend. Yeah.

Legend alive. Yeah.

Legendary baby, I'm just

living my life.

I done seen it all. Can't

believe I'm alive.

sh**ting for the stars.

See me up in the sky.

Jumped out the nest.

Had to learn how to fly.

Now I'm caught up in the life.

Only a few can survive.

I ain't tryin to preach a

whole sermon.

When I'm speaking I been

dreaming out of desperation

Missed a couple pieces to the

puzzle I've been seeking

everything that I lacked, I

saw it on my neck

Have a cross on my back.

Trying to ascend. Putting work

in 30 days, 30 nights.

Hands been dirty

Yeah, I give my all every

time.

Every day is all the time.

Walking on a tightrope.

Crazy

I'm borderline.

Living legend. Yeah.

Legend alive. Yeah.

Let's dance baby.

I'm just living my life.

Once again. Once again,

once again, once again.

Living legend. Yeah.

Legend alive. Yeah.

Let's dance baby.

I'm just living my life.

I done seen it all. Can't

believe I'm alive now.

sh**ting for the stars.

See me up in the sky.

I jumped out the nest.

I had to learn how to fly.

Now I'm caught up in the life

only a few could survive.

I sing it from my soul.

Put my life in a rhyme.

Coming once again.

For the very first time.

Coming once again.

For the very first time.

Coming once again.

For the very first time.

Coming once again.

For the very first time.

Coming once again

For the very first time.