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01x08 - lakay

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Flatbush Misdemeanors". Aired: May 23, 2021 – August 21, 2022.*
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A raw and grounded comedy about city life, the show follows Dan and Kevin, who play characters struggling to thrive in their new surroundings in the brash environment of Flatbush, Brooklyn.

01x08 - lakay

Post by bunniefuu »

Bro, what?

Emergency.

School is on lockdown.

So the people that love my sh*t

don't know sh*t about art and you do?

If you're not feelin' me,

somebody else will.

Not finna listen to a n*gga

that don't even wear socks.

Thanks again, Dan.

Would you wanna maybe get dinner later?

Was that your answer, the spitting?

No, no, I'd get dinner.

I thought you knew, like,

my dad was there in the church

when your mom

was goin' through it, bro.

Flatbush is a place

where culture is created

and then regurgitated.

Well, it's very hard

to find Djon Djon here,

so, um, I have to go back

to the Haitian vendor,

and then we get Djon Djon.

Djon Djon is the black mushroom

that we make with our-our rice, so

I haven't watched it

since I made it in college.

It's awful.

Yeah. No. No.

That's what everyone in college does.

Everyone makes a bad

student film and gets HPV.

I did neither.

But, also, your film isn't bad.

It's not good

in the conventional sense,

but that's what makes it

so unconventional.

You should've finished it.

I should've just followed one subject

instead of a bunch of random people.

No, that would've been boring, too.

But it's good.

You-you showed

different people talking.

That shows community.

No, it was good and sweet

and thoughtful and very you.

I do like you.

Okay, you've gone

back and forth on this,

but it does feel like you do.

It's just weird because of our jobs.

Right.

Maybe, I don't know, we take it slow.

Yeah. I can do that.

Um

all right, well,

I should head out, right?

You could come over

tomorrow if you want.

Yeah?

Okay, yeah. Yeah, um, yes, I do.

But we'll take it slow.

Yes. I'll slowly come over tomorrow.

Are you gonna make me

watch college a cappella

or improv tomorrow or just

- I hate you. Bye, Danny.

- I'm just kid-I'm just kidding.

You're-you're great. Like you.

All right, see ya around.

God, what was her story?

Mommy, why do we have to go there now?

I wanna go home and

watch Liv and Maddie.

- We aren't going back home.

- But why?

I told you, Zayna.

You're gonna live with Uncle Drew.

Yo, you want an omelet?

- When you start making omelets?

- Today.

I just scrambled more eggs than usual,

then mushed them together with cheese.

You wanna try?

Nah, I'm headed to work.

Ah, you can be late. Here, just try it.

You just gotta push it

all together so it's an omelet.

Why you so happy? You f*ck Jess?

Nah, we hugged and kissed

a few times, and then I left.

I might make her dinner tonight.

I'm practicing with this omelet.

Well, you might wanna just buy it.

How'd the meeting

with the gallery owner go?

Did he like your art?

Man, that n*gga was full of sh*t.

This n*gga's

sittin' here talkin' 'bout,

"Aw, as a black artist,

you gotta have an original voice.

And as black artists,

we gotta whoo-whoo-whoo."

The whole time,

this n*gga from New Hampshire.

Well, what was he saying?

Would you listen to him?

What?

I don't know, he's, like,

an expert at looking at art.

And you sleep on a couch.

So you can try-try to hear him out.

I don't even know what he said.

- You can hear what he's saying.

- Yo.

Bro, why can't you ever just listen

to what I'm sayin' and agree with it?

Why you always gotta have

some other sh*t to say?

Like, if you don't believe

in me, then just say that.

Of course I believe in you.

I-I don't know, do you want me

to just mindlessly agree?

I'm just saying if a

professional criticizes you,

you don't just write him off forever.

You get better and

then write him off forever.

Why should I listen

to one man's opinion?

If one girl call you ugly,

you start thinking you ugly?

Yeah, of course.

But he's not even

calling your work ugly.

He's just trying to help.

I'm not trying to criticize.

I'm just

Yeah, but it sound like that.

I don't need his help.

I don't need him.

I don't need nobody, man.

I'll do this sh*t on my own, bro.

How? What are you even

I'll sell 'em at the roti shop.

Where you sell corn soup?

Mm.

What you wanna watch?

I don't care.

You never seen Ghost Dog, have you?

Oh, I gotta show you this.

This Forest's best sh*t

after Jason's Lyric,

I'm tellin' you.

Whatever.

What's good with you?

Nothin'.

Come on, what's up?

I just been thinkin' about my father.

What about? You wanna go see him?

No. It's not that.

It's just,

I been thinkin'

about how he got knocked.

And I was lookin' over his

charges, and it don't add up.

I mean, I told you.

He got caught

with some weight in the car.

Yeah, that's what doesn't make sense.

How much was he carrying?

Were y'all workin' together?

Why you askin' me this?

'Cause some people at school

told me a different story.

- Who?

- Does it matter?

A'ight, you wanna believe

some sh*t you heard

in the street over me, fine.

That's your problem.

Why you gettin' so defensive?

I'm just asking.

I know how you make your bread.

How come I can't know how he made his?

I see why your teachers

stay writing you up.

Ant wasn't makin' his

money the way I do.

He wasn't into all of that, a'ight?

End of story, damn.

So it wasn't his sh*t?

He took the rap for somethin'

that wasn't even his own work?

A'ight, look,

growin' up the way we did,

you live by a code.

Never tell on the next man

under any circumstance.

But he had me. And he had my mom.

And he let himself get

taken away 'cause of a code?

Why didn't you talk him out of it?

You might not understand it,

but your pops is a thorough man.

I know I'd be doin'

the same thing if it was me!

It was your sh*t, wasn't it?

What?

You just said it. It was yours!

My father didn't sell drugs. You do!

How could you let him go

to jail for something you did?

Why would he do that?

Wh-what's wrong with the both of y'all?

Yo, see, this is why I

Look, I'm not the bad guy.

This is just what it is, a'ight?

You ain't sh*t without loyalty!

What the f*ck are you talkin' about?

You sat there and said

that there's always

consequences to my actions!

Yet you let my father take

the rap for something you did!

f*ck outta here!

You don't even know

what you talkin' about.

I always been there for

your pops, whatever he needed.

Diapers for you, the rent, my car!

That's how any of this sh*t happened!

He borrowed my whip.

He was drivin' stupid, tryin'

to show off for your moms,

and got pulled over.

He didn't tell because

he was lookin' out for me

the way I always looked out for him!

This is you lookin' out?

Now he doesn't have his family.

Now I don't have my dad.

What's loyal about that?

I'm lookin' out for you, him,

and your moms!

That's what the

f*ck's loyal about that.

Everything I do is so

all of you got what you need!

I never asked you for anything!

I don't need you for anything!

Hey, where you think you goin', huh?

You don't need that phone

or all them clothes?

You got everything figured out, right?

You're the reason

it takes me seven hours

to see my dad's face!

I hate you! You liar!

I wish my mom never left me with you.

Mm-hmm.

Shut up!

Oh, my God, man.

Oh, man, yeah.

Hi. Hello. Hello.

Hey, brother.

Hey, Zay!

I told you I remember that!

Y'all want anything to drink?

No, I'm good.

It's too early for Hennessy.

- I have water.

- Hmm.

All right. Let's just do this.

Zayna, can you go sit on the couch?

Hey, Zay. Look.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

You can take one of the menus, too.

- All right.

- Mr. Drew,

as you know, Sister Nadege

is being deported to Haiti.

Okay? Everything is here.

Oh, what's this?

There, the contact information

Okay, but, 'Dege,

I-I don't need a guide

to take care of my niece.

Yes, you do.

'Cause if you had any

guidance at her age,

we wouldn't be in this mess!

You see, you are irresponsible

and inconsiderate,

and the only reason

that we're here today

is because your brother

wants her to stay with you.

And she needs stability, but

What are y'all talkin' about?

Why do you spend so much time in church

if you can't forgive nobody?

I f*cked up. Yeah.

But I move different now.

She's my niece.

And I take care of mines.

You see how I hold Ant down.

Let me do right by you.

If you need me to do all of this,

take her to church,

keep her away from thongs

and things like that, I'll do it.

Whatever you need, I'll do it.

Just don't up and change her

life because you're mad at me.

You'll do everything in here?

Everything?

Everything.

Including calling me every day?

I'll buy her her own phone

so you don't have to go through me.

- Okay.

- Okay.

Let us pray.

Dear Father, Lord in Heaven, we pray

O Lord, please guide Mr. Drew

in the right direction

because sometimes Satan will try

to shape and move him

in the wrong place.

But for this child's sake,

Lord, we ask You.

Amen! Yep.

- Okay, Amen.

- Amen.

Amen.

Papio Boy, what bacchanal is this?

- It's my art.

- Oh, God.

I wanted to give the customers

something to look at.

And it can make us some money

if they wanted to buy it.

Kevin, people come in

the roti shop for two things

Food and boat ride tickets.

So anybody buying pictures

in my Trini tiny bone shop

is a cunumunu just like you.

Well, I'd-I'd buy that picture.

What?

Sorry, darlin', you say

you want this picture here?

Yeah, the fancy dog

on the nice evening.

- I'd take that.

- Okay, right.

And I want my 25% commission.

Actually, I might could make you more.

I posted all these ads online

about having a mini event here.

I got 81 likes, so, you know,

people will probably show up.

You could sell them your food,

you know, you'll get more commission.

Hey, hey. Check him.

He think he big man now.

You know what I'm sayin'? I'm somebody.

I'm just doin' me, though, Miss Sherri.

All right, no skin

off your teeth, so

Okay, boy. Ooh, you say 81 people.

Miss Sherri gonna rake it up, boy.

A'ight.

I got some ideas for the menu, too.

You really turned her around quick.

Mm-hmm.

Uh, here, let me give you the

money for the dog on that date.

Oh, nah, don't worry about that, man.

- It's all good.

- Okay.

Um, I just wanted to say sorry

for not letting you vent before.

That was, like, out of line.

That's cool, bro.

I mean, you was right.

You know, I gotta take

Bayano advice, you know.

I just need to sell this sh*t myself

'cause nobody gonna help me.

You think people will show up?

81 people?

I mean, they might.

I don't know, maybe.

I put it on my Hinge profile,

so, you know,

there's gonna be

a lot of listeners in here.

Jess just asked me to come over.

I should probably wait, right,

so she doesn't think I'm eager?

Dan, come on, man.

You don't got no game.

Text that girl back.

She know you eager.

I'll just tell her

I'm in the neighborhood.

Yo. Y'all seen Zayna?

- No, what happened?

- Damn, man!

I feel like I been all over Brooklyn.

Can't find her.

But, no there's no

point in lookin' at me.

I-I don't know where she is.

- You sure?

- Yeah, I'm sure.

You don't know any secret spots

outside of school they chill at?

No, that would be

really weird if I knew that.

No, I don't. Nobody tells me anything.

Yo, I didn't ask you

who tells you what.

I asked you if you seen her.

I have not seen her, Drew.

I-I said that to you before.

Yo, you talk a lot, you know that?

- No.

- And I don't trust people

who got somethin' to say

for every f*cking thing.

Okay, look.

So what exactly are you sayin'?

I-I'm saying I haven't seen her.

Sorry. You're standing really close.

Drew, bro, he didn't mean

nothin' by it, dog.

He about to lose his virginity.

You know,

he not thinkin' straight, man.

She probably close by, bro.

Like, have you-have you

tried Find my iPhone?

- I don't know what that is.

- It's a feature.

You if you bought her a iPhone,

you can find her with yours.

Show me how to do it. She got a iPhone.

This a, um this a

it's not a iPhone.

It's an Android.

I would-I would need to do it

from a computer.

Come on, let's get a computer, then.

Uh, Drew, he can't just leave work.

Yo, hold on, bro,

I think it's just best

if I help him out.

Are you outta your mind? Dude.

Look, yo, you can't help him.

I mean, he's f*ck' crazy.

Look at him.

The f*ck is you lookin' at, n*gga?

Eric Benét-lookin' a*s.

Yo, he just mad, man.

If I help him, he'll

probably treat us different.

I-I think you're wrong,

just based on every

interaction we've had with him.

Just also, your event.

You have your event.

I'll be back before

anybody show up, dog.

Just go see your girl, bro.

Hug the f*ck outta her.

All right. Just text me?

Yeah, I'll text you.

Hey, Miss Sherri, I'ma go on my break.

Okay, be back in half an hour,

and we not on Trini time.

Oh, and bring me some toilet rolls.

All right, I got you. Yo, let's go.

A'ight, word.

Mom, he's such a fraud!

He won't even own up

to what he did and apologize.

Why didn't you just

take me to Haiti with you?

You know I wanted you here,

but at the same time,

I wanted you to have all

the opportunities I never had.

I'm sorry, baby. I am.

D-do you wanna come live with me?

No! I don't trust you either.

What did I do?

You're no different than him!

All of you lied to me!

I would never do my family like this!

Zayna, I know you're mad.

But you have to learn how to forgive.

Do you remember speaking Creole

Ma, I'm not trying to

hear that right now!

I'm sorry, I'm not!

You should've been took care of this!

Now it's too late!

Zay, God

Speaking Creole Are you crazy?

Oh, sh*t. Um

Son.

Yeah, my bad.

This is Dan's laptop, bro.

You know these b*tches do this sh*t.

- How do I turn that sh*t off?

- Put it on mute.

- Damn, man.

- What the f*ck?

Hold on, let me just there.

All right. All right, um, okay.

Where does she wanna retire?

Mm-mm-mm.

Where'd she meet her spouse?

Ew, what the f*ck

is this sh*t talkin' about?

I don't know why her

questions are so weird.

Man!

Hey. Who the f*ck is this?

Yo, you found her?

Then why you callin' me?

Yo, don't come to Brooklyn

unless she with you, n*gga!

Kevin?

Yeah, Miss Sherri, look.

I'ma-Ima be there real soon.

Just tell them to wait.

She can't be out there on her own, man.

If somethin' happened to her,

man, everybody in Brooklyn,

Queens, Harlem, f*cking Yonkers,

everybody gonna know my name.

f*ck, bro. I gotta get her back, Kev.

I can't function, man.

I can't.

You mind if I, um

We gonna find her, bro.

I feel you.

Kevin, you rail stickin'.

How it is you're takin'

your sweet time so

and your event startin' soon?

I tell ya, better move your a*s

and hurry 'cause I ain't able.

I don't know how to sell these things.

Huh? Oh, yes, darlin', it's a print.

- He print

- No! It's not a print!

Miss Sherri, it's not a print!

Tell them it's an original!

Look, little boy.

Miss Sherri Ann don't work for nobody.

You work for me.

So, if you want it done your way,

you bring your a*s on time

and tell 'em yourself.

I told I'ma be there

in, like, 15 minutes.

I'm f*ck' up.

Just hold on, Miss Sherri.

Yo, you out?

Yo, it's my family, bro.

You don't need to

be involved in this sh*t.

Handle your business, man.

Wipe your nose.

Yo, I-I'm sorry, bro.

I just I really gotta do this, man.

Um, you can take the laptop

if you want.

And just keep tryin' to track her.

A'ight, so show me how to get

on that website again.

The, um what did I search,

iPhone, uh, detective?

Um, not-not iPhone detective, n*gga.

- It's iP

- Kevin?

Yeah, uh, h*-h*

Miss Sherri, just tell 'em-

tell 'em to wait, please.

Tell 'em to wait.

I'ma be I'ma be there.

I'm on my way, okay? Look, just

All right.

- Oh, f*ck.

- Come on, son!

I feel like you doing that

on purpose at this point.

- Harder!

- I bought this used.

Is it weird to you

to hang out with your boss?

I don't feel like you're

my boss is the thing.

Ah, so you're saying

you don't respect me.

No, that's-that's a trap,

what you just did there.

No.

Um, wh-why do you like me?

Ugh.

Because

because you seem very calm

and we're both

overwhelmed in this job and

I don't feel overwhelmed in the job.

But that's the thing, like,

I'm overwhelmed, and it can get to me.

But you just get beaten down every day.

Well, that

And it doesn't seem to get to you.

Why do you like me?

Um, you're nice to be around.

And I don't know.

I feel like most people I know,

they will sort of talk at me

as if they're my boss,

even though they're not.

- Mm.

- But you're above me,

but you never talk down to me.

And you ask my advice.

And you listen.

And you treat people well.

It's why you'd make

a-a very good principal

but a bad CEO.

- I'd be a great CEO.

- No, you'd be okay, but

- Great.

- I don't know.

Hang on.

Mm

Wait, um, will you tell me

what makes you feel good?

'Cause otherwise,

it's like a guessing game

- and I would just as soon get

- Take off my dress.

It's, like, double-knotted, I can see.

Let me help you.

Yeah.

Here. Let's lie down.

Um

but be on top of me?

Yeah.

Sorry, uh, I-I-I just

I don't wanna direct you the whole way.

Could you, like, like, take control?

Like, do-do what I'm saying

but then, like,

take control while you do it.

Got it. Okay, I can do that.

Kiss my neck.

Uh, the other side, though.

Okay.

Uncle Drew,

I don't want my mommy to leave.

I'm scared.

I'm gonna be honest with you, Zay.

I'm scared, too.

You don't look scared.

That's 'cause when

you don't look scared,

you won't be scared.

Here, let me show you somethin'.

Now you don't look scared.

Did she make this?

Huh? Oh, nah. That's some sh*t I made.

It's beautiful.

Yo, Drew, man, I really wanna

keep helping you look for her,

but I gotta get back to work.

I

Zayna?

What the f*ck you doin' here, n*gga?

I came back lookin' for clues.

What, you Scooby-Doo?

Yo, it's not even like that, son.

It ain't? A'ight, well,

c-come on. Come on.

Find me some clues.

Find some clues.

Where all you check, Jon?

Yo, I went to mad spots, son.

I went to the junction.

I went to the Laundromat, smoke shop.

You went to a smoke shop?

You think she wanna smoke some hookah?

Yo, this n*gga been with me all

day, and I almost k*lled him.

What's your excuse?

- Son, I did this for us.

- For us?

Kevin, what happened to you, boy?

You tell me 81 people

was supposed to reach

inside here today,

and there's only, what, six I count?

Now all this food I cook up

had to waste.

I said I got 81 likes, not 81 people.

Hell you know? Mm-hmm.

You lucky I sold your paintings.

You sold-you sold my paintings?

- Mm-hmm.

- To who?

Two little white girls come in here,

say they won't try no food

'cause they're afraid it too spicy.

Anyhow, don't bother comin'.

I'm gonna close up the shop soon.

But hear me, come in

first thing tomorrow morning.

I sold my sh*t.

n*gg*s can't tell me sh*t no more.

Yo, I'm a real artist, bro. I

Man, forget your bum a*s, n*gga.

Get the f*ck outta here.

You and your bum-a*s brothers

better not come around here no more.

Find a new plug, n*gga!

Uh, you want me to, um

you want me to leave, too?

Nah, man. You good.

Matter of fact, I'ma go look.

You stay here just in case

she come back.

All right. Got you.

I'm not really sure

how we should handle this,

in terms of, like-like, no one at work

- should know about us.

- Yeah.

I mean, I'd have my whole

professionalism questioned.

Of course, yeah.

I mean, yeah,

no one at school has to know.

Let's ignore. We can ignore.

Oh, God. Uh

Let me just

Zayna, wh-what are you

Yo, Miss B, I need help with

What is he doing here?

Oh, just school-school stuff.

Yeah, I was just

With a glass of wine?

choosing the textbooks

of tomorrow today.

You're gonna read

all these pretty soon.

Do your parents know where you are?

It smells funny in here.

- Are y'all datin'?

- We're coworkers.

Don't read into this.

Zayna, answer the question.

Miss B, I need you to cosign

on an apartment for me.

I called this number I saw on a flyer,

and the guy said that

if I have enough money

that I just need a credit check.

So you can help me with that, right?

What is actually going on here?

Is something happening at home?

I know you took Dami

to Planned Parenthood.

So you can help me

with this, too, right?

I mean, you're great and all,

but if Dami's mom found out

You took Dami to Planned Parenthood?

- I told you this already.

- No, you didn't.

I would remember something like that.

You were falling asleep.

Oh, so y'all really are dating.

It's way too early for labels.

I think it's going okay, though.

Look, Zayna, Dami's your friend,

and Jess obviously wanted to help.

You're really gonna

throw that in her face?

Is it really that big of a deal?

I mean, you've been

giving me fake grades

- all semester.

- He's been what?

That's not a thing

you should say out loud.

- Why would you do that?

- Why did you say that out loud?

Look, Jess, it's a whole thing.

It would take, like,

two minutes to explain.

We should focus on Zayna.

Okay, it's time to take you home.

- Come on.

- Wait, Jess.

You-you shouldn't go over there.

Wh-what do you mean?

Her uncle Zayna's right.

I've met him a couple times

at basketball games.

He can be aggressive.

She's telling the truth.

Miss B, I really don't wanna go there.

Yo.

What's up?

I don't want to go back.

You there? What's good?

Just wanted to see how your event went.

Uh it was dope, man.

I, um I sold-I sold everything.

Yo, congrats.

Um, you get away from Drew?

Yeah, uh,

sh*t was f*cked up, though, man.

Like, we couldn't find Zayna anywhere.

Let me know if you hear

anything from the school.

Y-yeah. Okay.

I-I'll talk to you later, man.

All right. I'll talk to you.

For how long?

Um, well,

it's just for tonight, Zayna.

And then in the morning,

we'll-we'll just figure something out.

Well get it straightened out, okay?

- Do you have Disney+?

- Yeah.

I wanna watch Liv and Maddie.

Go, go, go, go