01x07 - Hot Plate

[bunniefuu]

JAMES: Hello.

These days I spend more
and more time in my Wiltshire home,

and the pub I own,
thinking about all the big problems
in the world.

And some smaller ones that annoy me.

Luckily there's a place I can go
to solve them all, or at least try.

My shed.

Right.

JAMES: It's here
that I have the tools...

Let's just saw some wood up.

...the tea... Mmm.

...and a couple of other
highly competent blokes...

Very good. Brace yourself.

JAMES: Who've agreed
to help me rid the world
of problems...

Is she getting the ticket out?

Dirty fly tippers.

...and small.

The cereal has gone soggy.

JAMES: I'll also have to take on
other people's problems.

He used to make a sound,
and now he doesn't.

JAMES: By which I mean the locals
at my pub who are always bringing me
stuff to mend.

Oh! Is it a train set?

JAMES: So join us
and our excitable crew.

[LAUGHING] Who will capture
our endeavours.

That was epic.
JAMES: As we create...

JAMES AND TONY: Oh!

we've just done. ...repair...
So it's never worked.

Not in my lifetime

[GASPS] [SCREAMS LOUDLY] Wow.

...in my Shed Load of Ideas.
[LAUGHING]

What do you think?
This is just brilliant.

JAMES: Aah, a typical British
countryside pub.

My pub, in fact.

American visitors love
the sleeping dog,

the 18th century charm
and the partly thatched roof.

But don't be fooled.

This is not
a historical institution.

It is a hotbed of ideas
and innovations.

I've always wanted a pet zebra,
'cause we were gonna put

[LAUGHS] For rides
around the... just the carpark?

They could go in the barn,
and then you could have dinner
with the donkeys if you wanted.

FILM CREW 1: Yeah.
FILM CREW 2: Action.

Fantastic.
Thank you very much indeed.

But today's hot topic
is, nevertheless, food.

FILM CREW 2: Cut.

FILM CREW 1: Yeah, yeah.
Come in then. Yeah. Let's do it.
[BLEEP]

FILM CREW 1: Action. This is a bowl

But it's actually
from the children's menu,
but I really like it.

And I say delicious,
it was when I had
my first forkful.

Then the film crew reset,
and they wanted to bring
their lights in,

and they wanted to give me
some advice on what to say,

and now it's got to that point
where it's just become
slightly tepid.

And the cheese has just started
to congeal a little bit.

And I know a lot of people
get annoyed about this

'cause you see people
slightly bolting their food

'cause they're thinking,
"Mmm, this is nice,

"but it's going to get too cold
if I don't eat it quickly,"
and what's the blimming...

you know, you've come to the pub,
you're supposed to be able to relax.

So all we're going to do is provide
a heater for the plate or bowl.

We aren't trying to recook the food.

Just keep it at the correct
temperature for eating,

which is the temperature
that it is at

when it comes out of the kitchen,
so you don't need to rush.

And it will change the world,
like everything else we do.

JAMES: To be honest,
it doesn't really matter
if your beer warms up a bit,

but food going cold causes a panic.

So we're going to make a table
to keep hot food hot.

It's a radical idea,
but there might be something in it.

And not just for pubs, either.
Maybe for you, too, at home.

But first we must establish
the ideal hotness for hot food.

I've cooked us... the word "cook"
is doing the heavy lifting.

Oh. A delicious bowl

So they've just come out of the pan.

As you know, a bean boiled
is a bean spoiled,
so they were simmering.

It's 70 degrees.

Sorry, I've gone for sausages.

I'd say that was just
very slightly on the hot side.

Let's leave it
and see what it's like
at, say, 60 degrees,

Sixty-eight degrees.

You might have to cut away
to something else.

[SHEEP BLEATING]



FILM CREW: We haven't explained
what we're making. No exactly.

What we're really building
is a very elaborate,

personally controllable
hostess trolley.

The hostess trolley was very popular
in the 1980s, wasn't it?

Yeah. The disadvantage

that it was too big to simply
put in that cupboard under the sink.

JAMES: For our design,
we want to install personal
hot plates into a dining table.

All that is is an aluminium plate
with a heating element. Oh, yes.

So all we need to do
is put 24 volts into this,

which we've got
our little power supply,

and that'll go up
to about 110 degrees.

Wha, that is hot.

JAMES: Each hot plate
is connected to a console

which is used to detect
the current temperature
of the plate...

Stick that in your beans.

the temperature probe
for the hot plate.

...and control
the target temperature.

So you can set this now
to whatever temperature you want.

It is basically a thermostat.

Beans and sausages.

One of the meals
that made Britain great

at, let's call it 50 degrees.

Hmm. It's too cold.

Hmmm. Definitely too cold.

JAMES: So with 70 degrees
too hot,

and 50 degrees too cold,
let's see if our prototype hot plate

will warm up our beans to,
as Goldilocks might say, just right.

So I think the optimum temperature
for a bowl of beans and sausages
for me

is about 65, 66.

So we're now trying
to reheat the beans,

Thats 40 degrees
under there at the minute.

We know why that is.

We do. Hmm.
Because this is a great insulator.

JAMES: What we really need
to transfer heat

from hot plate into food
is something
that's a good conductor.

As well. I wonder
if we have such a thing.
Let me go and have a look.

SIM: Yes.

...For the purposes
of demonstration,
That's amazing.

There's this thing right here.

[LAUGHING]

Wowsers.

There you go.

So the beans and sausages,
Simmy, are now at 65.

Yeah. We can now eat them again.

But the important thing is
that we could sit here
and pontificate all day,

and the beans and sausages would
remain at the same temperature.

So true.

This is happiness.
This is what it looks like.

[LAUGHS] Some people think

or the unqualified love
of all women,

but you don't. You want beans
and sausages out of a cake tin
on a ceramic hot plate.

JAMES: But there's no time
for bean bliss

when you've got
a prototype to build,

which requires a table, and a Tony.

FILM CREW: That's it. Okay,
let's go, go, go, go.

All right, you join us in phase two
of our plate heating table,

which doesn't
have a proper name yet,

it will probably end up being called
the plate heating table.

I've been working on this idea
for over a year. I've been trying
to promote it and say,

"Wouldn't it be great
if you had a table that heated..."
and everybody goes,

"Whatever."
I'm thinking no, it makes sense.

You do want it. It's something
that's been bothering people

ever since food was invented,
which was probably
the Egyptians or someone.

JAMES: First, we need to work out
the optimum placement
for our hot plate.

Does that look good?

Yeah. [LAUGHS]

So we need that corner marking.

JAMES: So far, so good, until...

FILM CREW: James? Yes, sir.
You marked the wrong corner.

You've marked the corner
with the electric component
within it. Yes.

Oh, yeah. I'm thinking upside down.

I realised it was upside-down,
but it was also
upside-down that way.

And that confused my tiny mind.

Could it be noted
that I've spotted a technical error.

Yes, it's noted,
'cause it's never happened before.

[ALL LAUGHING]

JAMES: As much as we strive
for perfection
with our problem solving,

sometimes even the best of us
can make mistakes.

So it looks like
we'll need to start again.

Let's just pretend
that hasn't happened.

Oh, you won't see that.

It is a prototype.

JAMES: Welcome back viewers
to the latest instalment

of how to keep your pub lunge
at the right temperature for eating,

so that you can relax with a table
that keeps your food warm.

We're gonna drill a hole,
and then James is gonna chisel

a square that will receive this
and let us place on that.

It has definitely gone through.

Where's the wooden mallet?

[LAUGHS]

This recess I'm chiselling,
is where the connection port

under the hot plate will sit
so the whole thing can lie flat.

This, by the way, viewers,
if you're not a regular in my pub

is not one
of the regular pub tables.

This is a piece of tat
that we got from a junk shop.

That is the most awful thing
I've ever worked in my life.

It's like chiselling Weetabix.

The other breakfast cereals
are available.

Look at that. Neat.

So where would you like
your control?

I... My instinct
is to do them left. Yeah.

JAMES: Next, we need to install
our temperature control panel.

We do have to do this bit
quite carefully.

I've marked it out very accurately,
but we've got to stick to the line

'cause you've only got
a lip of about 1.5 mil.

Yep. [CLEARS THROAT]

He's your multitool.
Here he is. Come on.

What multitool is this?

JAMES: Quite a noisy one,
actually. You've been warned.

[LOUD DRILLING SOUND]

What is he saying? What? [LAUGHS]

It's meant to be miles off,

so you can chisel in.
'Cause you said it's got
a slight angle on it. Hold it.

Tony, that's not even a right angle.

There you go.

That's... That's like 95 degrees.

JAMES: Time to use
a precision tool.

He's called Sim.

FILM CREW: Now you've got in there.
What's the table made of?

It's chipboard. JAMES: In case

Yeah, it's horrible.

Well, gentlemen,
that's been horrible to watch.

All right. Try that.

That is quality. There you go.

Oh. [LAUGHS] No,
wouldn't said quality.

JAMES: All we need to do now
is wire the hot plate

up to the controller
and the power source...

And Robert's your mother's brother.

We need to do exactly the same
on the other side.

A mirror image of this, i.e.
a slightly c*ck heating plate

and a totally wonky digital control,

Genius.

This is something
I've actually wanted all my life.

Subconsciously,
I've always thought, "What?
Hot food goes on hot plates."

I always heat the plates at home,
but it doesn't stay hot.

But now it does. That's all it is.

It's one of those simple
and very elegant solutions

to a problem that's been going on
for a very long time.

And then the food stays hot,
and then you can relax.

It's brilliant. It is. It is good.

[LAUGHS]

JAMES: But the big question is,
will it work?

Along with the soon to be
consistently warm meals,
the locally sourced ales,

and the shiniest petanque
set this side of Le Mange...

SIM: Oh! That's rubbish.

JAMES: Another draw for the pub,
apparently, is the fact

that I'm not too shabby
at mending things.

Hello. Hello.

I wasn't expecting that.

I bought it
because my partner wants to get
his record collection up again.

So we bought this.

Tape to tape? Yes, to T...

God, I remember doing tape to tape.
What young people don't realise,
with their downloads

and what have you, is that
back in the '80s and the '90s,

if you were going to have,
say, a party, you had to have
the party by yourself first,

Yeah.

And then you'd also make tapes
for people you fancied.

Of course.

Do you remember
trying to blank out the bit
off the radio when it come to...

The DJ would speak
and you'd have
to try and mute him. Yeah.

So anyway,
what doesn't work about it?

The turntable
because I've taken it apart

two or three times
to try and fix it.

So is it not spinning or...?
When this goes down,

this little thing here,
it's supposed to attach here. Right.

And it tells you whether it's got
a seven inch or 12 inch record,

but I don't know what position
it's supposed to be in,
and it stops the arm moving.

Should the arm
come out automatically?

Yes, from the buttons here. It does,
but it sort of gets stuck.

So it depends
what size records you put on?

Nothing's snapped off.
So that, and this... That one,
the spring's gone. Yeah.

Yes. So when you've got
a seven inch, that one's down,

and when you have
the 12 inch, that one's down.

It did work once,
and then it stopped.

So when you put a record on,
if it's a seven inch,
that one goes down.

So it knows. Yes.
And then this is the bit.

Ah.

JAMES: So far,
I can't diagnose the problem,
and nor can Tony.

We're going to need a third opinion.

SIM: I'm here.

You're there? Simmy,
have a look at this.

Right, turntable.
Yeah.

Or it did. I'm reluctant to do it,

Yeah.

But the platter would go round,

in that direction.

What's on the inside of that, then?

That's the seven inch
and the 12-inch arms.

JAMES: Suddenly one thing
becomes abundantly clear.

We're taking this to the workshop

because three of the most
intelligent men on television

are unable to fix it in the moment.
[LAUGHING]

Are you filled with confidence
that we can make this work again
for you?

I hope three heads
can work out one turntable.

You'd hope so.

on Rebecca's record player
and get it working again?

I'll leave you with it.
Flip that one.

and round in circles?

Well, after some more fiddling
in the pub,

Simmy hasn't managed
to crack it, either.

So it's off to the workshop
for Tony and me to give it a whirl.

The thing is, record players
are not in our wheelhouse.

Luckily, though...

As it turns out, my friend Colin

has exactly the same unit.

And I said, "Do you mind
if I borrow that?
I want to play a record,"

so he's lent it to me,
so we could take Collin's apart

Or can we take Collin's

and just stick it on there?

Um...

No, we should try and mend it.
[LAUGHS]

Apart from anything else,
we will learn by mending it.

We will learn some of the mysteries
of simple machines. Levers, springs,

inclined planes and wedges,
and all those things,
that were known in antiquity.

Unfortunately,
they're not known to us.

JAMES: In the true spirit
of the community pub based

mending programme,
we refuse to be beaten.

Hopefully, Colin's functioning
record player
will serve as a blueprint.

Should we test it first?

There's a record next door, I think.

Wow, Look, it's a record
from the Music for Pleasure series,
which I remember from childhood.

Who put this away?

Side one.

The Moscow Radio Symphony Orchestra.

So that goes on there.

How does it know?

We've got no speakers. [LAUGHS]

[LAUGHS]

[LAUGHING]

You forget, don't you?

Because everything is just
one unit now.

You say, "Hey, Siri, play Chopin
with the Moscow Symphony Orchestra."

Anyway, we're not concerned
with the sound. so let's say,
"I'm sick of Chopin. Stop."

And do you move it back, man?
Oh, no. No.

It knows.

JAMES: So despite being
speaker-less,
Collin's turntable works.

Rebecca's, however, doesn't.
But why?

So it moves freely.
There's nothing wrong with that.

Yeah. But it's the activation.

Yeah, it's something
in that section under there

that moves the arm freely.

But when we trigger
something else down here,

it lifts,
but doesn't then click into this.

So there's something missing
that's linking those two together.

But how can anything?
have fallen out of it?

It's been sealed up
since it was made.

JAMES: What this calls for,
as we like to say in the shed world,
is a bit of guessing.

Well, it seems
fiendishly complicated

for something that just has to go,

hmm-hmm or hmm-hmm.

It's overly complicated.

JAMES: It's not often
we are completely stumped...

Let's put it that way up.

...but it appears we are
completely stumped.

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]

Here in the shed, Tony and I
are attempting to mend

Rebecca's broken record player.

So that presses on that lever,

which pushes that wire,
and then the next thing it does
happens underneath that plate.

Should be remove that?

but for some reason,
that's not lifting the arm.

So that lever is connected
to that arm, which goes in there.

Yeah.

which is the damped bit,
which must relate
to the raising of the arm

because it goes up and down
very nicely. At any point,

have you turned
any of these adjusting screws?

No. Look, you can see.

See this?

So it's possible.

JAMES: As usual,
when all hope seems lost,

I reach for my little screwdriver
with the swivel-y end.

[GASPS] There. Ooh. If it's
as simple as that, I'm gonna be
really annoyed.

That bit works.

There is, in essence,
a height adjusting screw in there,

and there is a little cam
that lifts the tonearm,
and you can adjust

the position of it
with a tiny little screw
that you access through that hole.

And I turned the screw
and it worked.

We can lift and lower the tonearm.

Shall we put some power to it?
Because maybe in the act
of lifting it,

that triggers the bit
that moves the arm.
The tonearm onto the record.

You're saying we took all this apart

I'm afraid so.

JAMES: Time to see
if the tonearm
will now cue automatically.

Now, I'm gonna...

[WHISPERS] It's working. Yes!

Let's see if it will stop.

And then wherever that switch goes
does that. Excellent.

We've accidentally mended it.
The thing we didn't think about

'cause we were being a bit thick,
is because it has
a mechanical brain.

It knew in the pub
that there was no record on there.

It's very clever because it knows
not to put the stylus
onto the rubber mat and ruin it.

Yeah. There is a lesson

and those watching,
which is not to panic
about these repairs.

People do this with their cars
and their bicycles
and their motorcycles.

You think, "I'd better
take it all to bits
and see what's wrong."

In actual fact, the obvious solution
is often the right one.

And it was, in fact,
putting a screwdriver in there
and turning it about two times.

It's almost as if there's
an army standing there

with flags saying,
"It's here, you halfwit."

[LAUGHS]

JAMES: By some miracle
of tinkering,

we've inadvertently fixed
the broken record player.

We should probably return to the pub
and give it back to Rebecca

before we inadvertently
break it again.

That was fiendishly complicated,
given that all it does is spin
a record and put a stylus on it.

Yes. There's all these little cams

and there's a long arm
that had fallen off, a metal rod
that pushes the tonearm back...

[LAUGHS] And then we discovered

Yep. Which had a lot to do with it,

So we bought you a new one.
Thank you very much.

I'll buy you a couple of pints.
[LAUGHS]

Need a couple of pints
after this thing. I hate it.

Tony really hates it.
He's traumatised by it.

Well, it nearly became a Frisbee
in my house. [LAUGHS]

Yes, please.

Okay, so you're in charge
of the buttons.

Okay. I will put this...

Don't look at the record
because it's top secret.

This is actually effectively
a 12 inch single.

This is a 45 RPM 12 incher.

So if you'd... Well,
you know how this goes.

Cue?

No, no, okay.
No, just press start. It will...

Ah. So put the volume on.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

JAMES: Unfortunately,
owing to copyright reasons,

you can't hear
the actual record at home.

Luckily for you, however,
this freebie library track
is just as good.

Fantastic. Thank you. So much.

I'm so pleased.

It is. It's a miracle

but the actual technology
is a miracle as well.

That's completely analogue.
It's just a little wobbly
groove in the thing

It's amazing how these things
are put together.

It's been haunting my dreams.
It's haunted me for a while as well.

[LAUGHS] So I'm so pleased
we've had it mended.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Brilliant. This wasn't

No, it's my partner's.

No, it'll be fantastic.
Our neighbours might not be
happy this evening, though.

Not if you play that,
they won't. It's awful.

Excellent. If you
wouldn't mind taking it away,

Yes.

Thank you so much.
Sort of.

JAMES: Over in my shed,

we're not all about solving
physical problems.

Some of our biggest issues
are rooted in society.

Right here is a problem too,
which I'm sure you will all relate.

This is the door through
to the kitchen from the workshop,
and it is spring-loaded.

Which is why we have
this big weight here.

Take that away, the door shuts.

Now, if you're approaching that door
and someone is behind you,
there must be a distance

at which you don't need to bother
holding the door open anymore.

What is it? Nobody really knows.
So you tend to get to the door
and you go,

"Oh, there's somebody...
I'd better hold the door,"

and then 500 people go through
and you stand there
for the rest of the day.

It's a genuine problem, I think,
and it's one that's
never been solved.

Would you agree?
It's not just me, is it?

I've wasted half my life
opening doors for people.

And what's infuriating
is most don't say "thank you".

No. Though, they often
don't even notice
that you've done it.

They sort of assume
that that was your role in life.

Anyway, we think
we've come up with the answer,

and we're going to call it
the Door Opening Zone of Politeness

or the DOZOP.

Tony, if you wouldn't mind standing
there right on the threshold,

and I'm gonna count you down
and let the door go. And you walk,

but when you hear
the door shut, stop.

Okay. ...mark that point, okay?

JAMES: To establish our DOZOP,
we first need to calculate
the average distance

beyond which you no longer need
to hold the door open.

Okay. That's Tony.

Let's try it with you, Sim.
don't think about where Tony got to,
just where you would get to.

I'm not in a rush.

Right. That's Simmy.

You will have to do exactly this
for your door,

because not all doors close
at the same speed.

Follow our instructions,
but do it for your door. Go.

JAMES: To work out the average,
we need a sample size
of at least four more door-opens.

Go.

That's enormous.

Tony's always got a tape measure.

JAMES: Now we need to calculate
the average distance

by finding the midpoint between
the shortest and the longest.

A hundred and forty two, so 71.

Okay, there is the beginning
of the Zone of Politeness.

JAMES: By our calculations,
the door opening zone of politeness

covers the entire distance between
this chalk line and the door.

This satisfies everybody.

The door opener,
the approaching person etiquette,

the future of the British as people.

Time to put the DOZOP to the test.

Tony, if you start...

Yeah.

I am. Three, two, one.

I am approaching the door
and I open it.

Is anybody coming?
He's in the Zone of Politeness.

Thank you. Good, sir. My pleasure.

Okay. That was quite successful.

Let's try it with someone else.

Into the bank. No.

You were right at the door
when it shut.

SIM: Yeah. Did it feel rude?

Yeah.

No.

Excellent.

JAMES: So far,
the DOZOP is working well.

MAN: Come on, Will.
I wanna be able to see.

I really want to be able to see.

Ah, time to go to the bank.

JAMES: But after the helpful
intervention
of our executive producer...

Was that a bit annoying for you?

Potentially because...
you know, my inner thought
is, "I've bothered to hold

"the door open for this bloke,
and now he's dawdling
and looking at his feet."

The DOZOP descends
into debates about morality...

We haven't got anywhere
near people in wheelchairs
or, you know, walking with sticks

or in mobility scooters
or with heavy shopping
or a baby.

...civility... I would
let go of the door
before you get there.

Because if I'm holding the door,
you being impolite

might just carry on,
then I've still got the door.

...and chivalry.

Allow me. [LAUGHING]
[APPLAUSE]

That was brilliant.

I've never seen him move that quick.

And the possible inadvertent
meltdown of the very society

it was designed to improve.

I'm just being honest.
I admit I cannot help it.

Instinctively. I feel different
about holding the door open

for a woman than the way I feel
about holding it open for a man.

I do hold them open for men,
of course.

But it's it's It's just different.

It's more complicated
than we thought.

JAMES: Nevertheless,
we push on with one final test
to see if the DOZOP will enable

the courteous transference of door
holding among the whole team.

If you'd all like to follow me now.
Everybody who's not
holding a camera.

Off we all go.

TONY: Thank you.

JAMES: At some point,
surely someone will relieve me
of my door-opening duty...

Pleasure. Thanks.
...which they do not.

Some of us are just doomed
to failure, I'm afraid.

Turns out all this marching about,
holding open doors

on the hottest day of the year
is not the best idea we've had.

We need to cool ourselves down.

And what better way
than with a delicious salad?

The trouble is,
it's all a bit too hot
for chopping veg.

If only someone on the
production team could solve

keeping cool with cutting cucumber.

FILM CREW: Are you ready
to try this? Are you ready, Sim?

SIM: I've been ready.

It is a very hot day
here in the workshop,
but it's okay because we have a fan.

Fan, of course, does only one thing.

It blows air around,
along with disease and flatulence,
and then somebody on the crew,

we won't say who it was,
but his name begins with E
and ends in, "than Daws".

Sid, "Could you use a fan
to chop a salad?"

Well, it's an interesting idea
because it makes this
a dual purpose machine.

It can keep you cool
whilst preparing your lunch.

JAMES: We shouldn't have
to tell you, don't try this at home.

But please don't try this at home.

Let's begin with...
Is this a lettuce?

SIM: [LAUGHS] That's a lettuce.

Would you mind, since you're
on the right side, Tony,
feeding that in?

[LAUGHS]

I'm carrying lettuce juice
on my face.

I'm quite surprised at that.

I'm not stupid.

Well... wha, you see, you did it.

[LAUGHS] "I'm not stupid", he says.
Well...

So that's a lettuce
and chopsticks salad.

Yeah. Good job
it weren't your finger.

JAMES: It's probably time
for the second of many health
and safety announcements.

[LAUGHS]

If you're trying this at home,
you shouldn't.

But if you are,

don't shove the chopstick through.

JAMES: Nor any other bits
of your personage.

Our lawyers thank you for listening.

I mean, we maybe need to work
on the collection mechanism a bit.

Stop the fan for a moment.

So if we trimmed the guard
at the back, but also folded it in

Ooh yes. Before you do

Very good. Off at the wall.

JAMES: Once again, viewers,
I shall remind you

not to snip through
the back of the safety guard
on your own fan at home.

[LAUGHS]

I'll do that with the blade.

Otherwise, the whole thing
could disintegrate. And then
the fan will hit [BLEEP].

[LAUGHS]

JAMES: Nor, in fact, should you
take off the front guard.

This front removes
for exactly this reason,
so that you can remove salad.

Already got the first bit.

Beauty. Right.
There's your feeding slot.

JAMES: Back on goes
the safety cover.

Good. That's close enough

Okay, I'm going to plug
the fan back in.

FILM CREW: Wait, wait, wait.

JAMES: Apparently,
we haven't mentioned health
and safety quite enough.

I'm not having him leaning round
to put a carrot in over the blades.

He can go here, like this...
WOMAN: Great, yeah.
And feed it through, okay?

MAN: Great.

Right. I'm going
to plug the fan back in.

Tony, you are IC vegetable feed.

Shall we start
with the spring onion?

SIM: Yeah. Nice,

JAMES: If you're worried
about witnessing cruelty
to vegetables,

you might want to look away... now.

[TONY LAUGHS]

JAMES: Here
in our sweltering shed,

we're trying to cool ourselves down
with a nice, refreshing salad

made by chopping vegetables...
in a fan.

Which is something
you should not try at home.

[TONY LAUGHS]

[SNIFFS] Smells nice.
If we follow the three second rule,

we can eat the spring onion
off the floor.

Okay, let's try the cucumber next,
and I hold the bowl

FILM CREW: Slowly.

SIM: Oh, look at that! Nice!

FILM CREW: Whoo!

than I thought it would.
Look at that!

That's perfect. I would say

JAMES: Next, the carrot.

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

That's great. So, results so far.

There is quite a bit of salad
on the floor,

but it's actually working better
than I thought it would.

And now, this is gonna get messy.

JAMES: How to tell the difference
between knowledge and wisdom?

Yeah. I'm going full speed,

Action.

[SIM SCREAMS] JAMES: Wisdom

[CLATTER] [ALL SCREAMING]

I think you...
TONY: Sort of sliced it, a bit.

Things that are said on this show
that are not said in any other
walk of life.

Let's just pause whilst we get
the tomato out of the fan.
[LAUGHING]

The thing is,
whilst this is going on,
we are becoming very hot.

So at the moment,
the single-purpose fan
has no purpose.

So, I've got sweat
running into my eyeballs now.

Can you hurry up,
so we can turn the fan back on?

Tomato is free.
It's an almost-sliced tomato.

JAMES: Time for a few final veg
if we want to feed the entire crew.

Have we achieved salad success?

There you are.

What we are calling
the Workchop Salad. [LAUGHING]

Do you mind anointing that
with a bit of balsamic, Simmy?

And then we can tuck in.

I mean, if you went round
to someone's house... [LAUGHING]
And they brought that out,

you'd just think that was
some salad? Cucumber.

I don't know
why I'm expecting it
to taste different to a cucumber.

[TONY LAUGHS] Exactly. It tastes...
Tastes exactly the same.

It tastes like salad.

It's very hot in here.

I've also got bits of tomato juice
in my eye.

JAMES: Moving seamlessly on

from food that keeps us cool,
to keeping piping hot food hot,

time to see if my clever plan
that solves the age-old problem
of lukewarm lunches has worked.

Introducing an ingenious table
designed to keep your plate
at the perfect temperature,

which we've inventively called...

The Royal Oak Table of Plate.
Temperature Maintenance,

which is a shabby looking thing,
but it's only a prototype.

Here are the controls.
That is the current
temperature of the plate.

It's at 35 degrees,
and you can set
the target temperature.

That's the one in blue.

The great thing about this is
when the food comes out
and is placed on here,

we will see what
temperature the plate is at
because it will register

on the red, actual temperature,
and then we can set
the target temperature,

presumably we are happy
with the temperature of the plate,
to the same value.

And it will maintain it.
And we can spend all afternoon
eating our lunch.

And, to be honest, probably will.

SIM: Ah. Hurry up, Chris.

Here you go, gentlemen.

It's ham, egg and chips
on a tin plate from 1940.

That is brilliant.

So I'm going to set my plate to 55.

And that means,

we can talk of absurdities, relax,
eat slowly, which I like doing.

Ow! I put my finger
on the hot plate.

That is a potential issue.

But you only do it once.
Then you know
not to be such a halfwit.

I think so, too.

Chris?

It's taking a while
for the red sauce

and the salt pot to arrive,

and normally I'd panic a bit,
but it doesn't matter.

My plate is at 57 degrees.

Mine's at 55.1.

It's absolutely brilliant.

No!

Ah, Chris.

About... Red sauce?
JAMES AND SIM: Yes, please.

About time.
The food could have gone cold.

A lot has happened.
We've had to wait
for the tomato ketchup and the salt.

And now Simmy can't get the top
of a simple pepper grinder.

We've already been here
for over 12 minutes.

I've eaten one chip,

a little bit of egg.
I'm about to have
my first slice of the ham.

Just imagine those interruptions
you get, like, someone
goes to the bog.

Imagine if there's a group
of six. There's always gonna be
somebody who's delaying everything.

[LAUGHS]

As well as that being a slow eater,
I've got a very small gob.

Hmm, hmm. Mmm.

JAMES: But how is
the true temperature of my ham,
egg and chips holding up?

Do you know what would
be interesting?

I've got a heat thermometer
in the van,

and I'd quite like to get it,
so I can just have a picture

of what we're looking at.

So I'll go and get it.
Don't let your food get cold.

Well, no, I won't.

Now I've seen the back
of Simmy's van. It's not gonna be
a 30-second job to find that,

what he calls a heat thermometer.

That could be up to ten minutes

before he's back.
And normally I'd hate him

because I'd feel I couldn't eat
my egg and chips,

but I'd also know
that they were going cold.

But they're not now. They're stable.

This is stable egg and chips.

JAMES: Thanks to the combination

of a temperature adjustable
hotplate and a conductive
tin dinnerplate,

the rush to wolf down rapidly
cooling grub
is a thing of the past.

This saves all sorts of things:
weddings, families, marriages.

[SIGHS] My desire not to stamp
on Simmy's head

'cause he's gone off to look
for a tool in the van as usual.

And here he is.
Oh, you did actually find it.

I did find it. [LAUGHS] Yes. Well...

I'm gonna just have
a quick look at your dinner.

You are at 59 degrees.

Yeah.

The Royal Oak Pub Table
of Plate Temperature Maintenance

is an absolute triumph
'cause this chip

came from the kitchen piping hot,
perfect temperature,
about 60, 65 degrees.

And it still is.
And actually half an hour
has gone by now, in real time.

Well, the chip is still great.

Top chip.

JAMES: Now we can enjoy
our ham, egg and chips
for the next seven hours.

Talk amongst yourselves.

Perfect. It's spot on.

Just not gonna get cold.

It's like a thermos flask,
where you don't have to bother
taking the lid off.