01x06 - Noisy Neighbours

[bunniefuu]

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]

JAMES: Hello.

These days, I spend more
and more time in my Wiltshire home

and the pub I own,

thinking about
all the big problems in the world

and some smaller ones that annoy me.

Luckily, there's a place
I can go to solve them all,

or at least try...

my shed.

Right.

It's here that I have the tools...

Let's just saw some wood up.

...the tea... Mm.

...and a couple of other
highly-competent blokes.

Very good. Brace yourself.

...who've agreed to help me
rid the world of problems...

Is she getting a ticket out?

Dirty fly tippers. ...and small.

The cereal has gone soggy.

I'll also have to take on
other people's problems.

He used
to make a sound, now he doesn't.

By which I mean
the locals at my pub,

who are always
bringing me stuff to mend.

Is it a train set?

So join us and our excitable crew.

We will capture our endeavours...

That was epic.

...as we create... [ALL EXCLAIMING]

...make... That feels like
a terrible thing we've just done.

...repair... So it's never worked.

Not in my lifetime.

[GASPS] [SCREAMING]

Wow! ...in my Shed Load Of Ideas.

What do you think?
This is just brilliant.

The Wiltshire countryside
can be wonderfully peaceful,

but like the rest of the UK,
it can also sometimes be very noisy.

A noise complaint is made
every 70 seconds in the UK.

And even here, we're not immune

to annoying noises
from our neighbours.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Oh, no, sound like a right barney.

Let's go somewhere else.

It's a domestic.

Oh, drilling.

Nobody ever says,
'Why don't we soundproof Britain?'

In fact, you don't need
to soundproof the whole house.

You just need just,
like, a small room.

If you want to play the trumpet
or have an argument or something,

you go into the room
that's soundproof,

and then it doesn't
bother your neighbours.

Actually,
that's not a bad idea, is it?

Could we make a soundproof box?

The World Health Organisation says
noise pollution is a major concern,

so this is a serious problem.

Let's see if we can help
neighbourly relations everywhere

by making a soundproof box or room

that will keep annoying noises
contained within it.

First things first, Tony the Tool
is going to help me investigate

the best sound absorbing materials.

MAN: Okay.
Is everyone happy? Action.

Tony has made a very simple rig

in order to test
the sound-absorbing qualities

of various items that you would
find around a typical household.

This is a box.

In the top of the box
goes the decibel-o-meter

through that convenient little hole.

In the middle is a shelf
on which we put our materials.

And in the bottom
there is a Bluetooth speaker,

which will play a sound
from this phone.

Obviously, some sound will be
transmitted through the box.

We realise that.
What we're looking for

is the difference
between these materials.

This will give us some idea of how
we can make our soundproof box.

There's a door,
and it is sealed with a clamp.

All we need now is a suitable sound.

So I thought
if you could give a blood curdling,

murderous scream, Tony,
we could use that.

Yep.

[SCREAMING]

That was excellent.

Right, So to begin with,
if we turn on the decibel-o-metre

and put his little,
it's like the family stone, head on.

Right, that's holding max.

So the maximum reading
will remain frozen on the screen.

So let's try it first with nothing.

So you shut Tony's
carefully-engineered box

with this beautiful piano hinge

that you see typically
on Chippendale furniture.

There is the door shut.

Okay, so this is controlled.
Quiet, please.

[TONY'S SCREAM PLAYING]


on the decibel-o-metre

with nothing in the box.

Now remember that decibels
are a logarithmic scale,

which means an increase of three
is double the noise,

as far as your ear is concerned.

Let's begin with...
Let's go through what we've got.

We have a typical pillow,
some furniture moving blankets,

some egg boxes, a breakfast cereal.

We're not allowed
to say which one it is.

It's very popular. It's also
very snapular and crackular.

And builder's sand.

Which would you
like to go with first?

Shall we go with...
Let's go with egg boxes.

Normally they half them, don't they,
and have that bit sicking out.

I think, yeah.

People do stick egg boxes
up in things like

their home-recording studios
and home cinemas, don't they?

Quiet, everybody, please.

[SCREAM PLAYING]



[SCREAM PLAYING]



Then a furniture blanket.

[SCREAM PLAYING] 88.2.

Excellent performance
from the blanket.

The popular breakfast cereal,

which we happened to have
in the kitchen was my idea

because I feel they will
move about and absorb sound.

They will also deform very slightly,
and they are full of air.

That's not particularly
tremendous reasoning,

but this is an experiment, remember.

[SCREAM PLAYING]

Very disappointing
from the breakfast cereal.

That's higher than the control.

No.

It is noisy cereal, though.

It's 108.6.

And finally,
we tried builder's sand.

[SCREAM PLAYING]

Oh, no. That is disappointing.

It's better than
the egg boxes, though.

Very slightly better
than the egg box.

The conclusion is that

our soundproof room within a room

Blankets. ...blankets.



Right. Onwards.

So after buying
a shedload of blankets

and picking up Simmy,
we three return to the workshop

to begin making our
soundproof room in a room,

which will be a supersized version
of Tony's soundproof box.

Say when.

First, we demonstrate the result
of our noise research...

Here's one more. Brace yourself.

...which looks like
workplace bullying.

[JAMES SPEAKING, MUFFLED]

It's definitely getting quieter.
Maybe a little scream.

Right. Okay.

What we decided, viewers, was that
the best sound-deadening material

of those things that
you might have around the house

is the removal blanket.

Now, here we have
a pile of 150 of them.

There's going to be a frame,

Yeah.

And the blanket walls will
also be filled with blankets.

SIM: Yes, let's do that.

If this works, people could
take our prototype concept...

What you're seeing here, viewers,

is the basic element
of mass production.

...and turn a room in their
own house into a soundproof room.

Nicely done.

We're constructing
a very simple wooden cube,

but crucially,
we're leaving a small cavity

between the inside
and outside walls.

There can't be
any physical connection,

or as little as possible
between the inner and outer wall

because the dense wood
would transfer the sound.

So you've got to avoid that.

You've got to keep the gap
all the way around.

Then we fill it up with
sound-deadening material,

which is blankets.

If you hadn't
worked it out already, viewers,

you can now see
what this is going to look like.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

There it is.

Okay, so now we're going
to curtain the inside.

Hold it there, James.
Hold it there.

There are people who like to claim
that men can't wrap things up.

We're proving them wrong.
Look at this.

Do we want the door
towards one side or in the middle?

[WOMAN SPEAKING]

Otherwise you can't get in.

[BLEEP] I'll go in from the top.

Why don't we stand on a stepladder
and put a screw from the top?

Yeah. Good idea.

Rather than cutting these
because they're a bit of a pain,

there might be a way
of folding them into each other.

So... Yes.

Or is it like folding
a piece of paper seven times?

It might well be.

Should we try a sausage?

Try a sausage, just in case.

It's like that thing, isn't it?

You can only fold
a piece of paper so many times

before it becomes
impossible to fold.

Did you just say that?
Yeah.

I've said it before,
but I was in there.

I couldn't hear you. Ah.

Honest. [LAUGHING]

Put your head behind there
and say something.

[TONY SCREAMING, MUFFLED]

I'd say that's working a bit.

I didn't hear a thing.

Is there a case for simply
making a load of curtains...

And just hanging them? Yeah.

That would be a lot easier,
wouldn't it?

We had seven blankets over your head
and we could still hear you,

even though it was muffled,
so we need at least seven layers.

So we're halfway there
with one blanket.

Okay, so that's not as drastic.

I'm all for, you know,
speeding things up.

I think we should do a big wall.

So these are whole blankets now.

I think... I think we should
fold it and put it in...

In these widths along the wall.

Oh, like that? Yeah.

Well, that's quite nice.

Why are you always surprised?

We'll leave Tony to finish his
brilliant blanket layering solution.

And who knows? Perhaps we'll
never hear from him again.

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]

JAMES: Back in Wiltshire,
you joined Simmy and me

enjoying a little
time out in my pub.

But we're not totally off duty.

The locals know
I can easily be persuaded

to open up my toolbox and take
a look at their broken stuff.

Today, pub regular
Piers has something

he'd like us to try to repair.

Hi. Nice to meet you.
Hi. Nice to meet you.

It is.

I was told that this was something
of great sentimental value.

Well, it gets used every day,
but it doesn't function properly.

So the timer, which is about there,
jams occasionally.

I have virtually the same toaster,
as it happens.

It burns toast. And then
I get a telling off from my wife.

Does your wife currently
hate you because of the toaster?

Not every day. Right.

Shall we plug it in and have a look?
There's a socket down there.

I've got some bread in my toolbox.

Look at that.

And I would give that
two-and-a-half minutes.

Light is on.

Heat is rising off the toaster
into my face.

And it smells of bread.

I think it works fine, Piers.
You've wasted our time.

If only that were true.

Oh, it is, yes.

Have you ever taken it apart?

I think it's had
some WD-40 in there.

[SIGHS] On your toaster?

I'm not a technical person.

We've managed. Life is a compromise.

Absolutely.

We've still got another 30 seconds
to go. That's going to be burnt.

Yeah, but the point is,
you can then turn the elements off

and remove your toast
when you need it.

But that requires you
being present the entire time.

If you just walk away from it

and say, it's going
to stop in two minutes.

Because the timer sticks,

you end up with white smoke.

The toaster
as a toaster works perfectly.

The problem is with the timer.

And this is what is destroying
domestic bliss for you.

So we will take the toaster away.

We won't touch any of that
because it's fine.

We will extract the clockwork timer.

Check it for wear, burs in the
escapement, that sort of thing.

Give it a good clean, reassemble it.

Can I commend you for bringing it in

Absolutely.

It means that my wife
isn't going to give me grief

about half-burnt toast.

It will be fantastic. Thank you.

Thank you. The world thanks you.

Your wife, however, hates you.

[LAUGHING]

Now I've promised
to fix Pier's toaster,

Yeah.

So Simmy and I head
straight for the workshop.

In the time it takes to make
a piece of toast, we're there.

Ooh, look.

I have a toaster
very similar to this.

And I seem to remember
that you go in through the bottom.

And behind there,
there is the timer mechanism.

SIM: That's very intricate,
isn't it? It is.

There's a tiny,
tiny, tiny bit of cack,

and that's just enough
to make the teeth stick.

If we could make something that acts
on the end of that spindle,

it will push it ever so gently
in the direction

of the less-worn part
of the escapement.

That something is going to be
a tiny strip of phosphor bronze

that we'll attach
with a teeny-tiny screw.

Some people enjoy
high-octane action movies

with car chases,
fist fights and g*ns.

Bad news if that's you.

Because the next bit
involves two blokes

trying to solve a problem
on an almost microscopic scale.

We're talking about maybe,

you know, less than
a hundredth of a millimetre.

Is that actually cutting?

No, it wasn't.
...fascinating observations...

Oh, it's going.

Oh, look at that. It's gone in.

...and the odd low.

It stopped! [BLEEP]

But after several
nail-biting hours...

Right.

We are so good.

To the relief of the crew,

we're ready to try
our ingenious solution.

So what we have done is
we have successfully opened up

and then tapped
that tiny little hole there.

And now we have
drilled a clearance hole

in the end of this
strip of phosphor bronze

that the screw will
just pass through cleanly.

Now I'll hold that
without losing it.

This is turning me
into a nervous wreck.

Snip that off.

Tidy up the end.

And then screw it into position,
and it will do its job.

If the tense music
hasn't already started,

now might be a good time.

Oh, my God, it's so small.

Is it going in?

Yeah.

Oh!

That's what we've achieved.

Doesn't look like much,
but it's destroyed us.

Well, let's test it.

I almost don't want to now.

If for whatever reason, it doesn't
do a full thing, I will cry.

I'm going to wind it all the way.
Here we go, everybody.

Very well-done toast.

[LAUGHING]

We have achieved!

We've actually done it,
and we can't even see it.

It does work.

[ALL CHEERING]

That's one of the greatest
triumphs of my life.

And we've been at it for four hours.
But it was worth it.

What else would we have done
with those four hours?

All right, we're going
to now reassemble this.

You don't need to see that.
Next time you see this toaster,

it will be in the pub with Piers,
and he will be astonished.

[TIMER STOPS WHIRRING] It stopped.

It's got to the end.
It went all the way to the end.

Now that Piers's
toaster is no longer toast,

it's time for me
to head back to the pub,

where, once again,
I'm thinking of ways

to help pubs all over the UK
get more punters in.

And I've identified a potential
twist on a well-known game

that involves combining
two of my favourite things.

Hello. You join me
apparently about to tuck into

a delicious cheeseboard.

But actually, no,
I'm here to address

an age-old problem,
and one that has blighted society

for many generations,
namely cheese and biscuits.

The usual problem, the cheese
runs out, the biscuits haven't.

You have more cheese,
then the biscuits run out,

and then the cheese has run out
and so on. And it never ends.

We wondered if one way
around this problem

was to gamify cheese and biscuits.

I wondered if we could have
a game of cheese chess

because, let's face it,
both come on a board.

The word chess is very similar
to the word cheese.

If you take the first 'S' of chess
and turn it into an 'E'

and add another 'E' on the end,
you have the same word.

And that can't be
a coincidence, can it?

I thought using this
convenient rubber mould,

we could use these cheeses
to make chess pieces,

mount them on coloured crackers.

We have black ones and white ones.

They're actually grey and beige,

but I mean,
the difference is apparent.

And then you play chess
for pieces of cheese.

And we've selected
the cheeses very carefully.

We have, for example,
King of the Castle.

So that can be the king.

Stinking Bishop,
that's going to be the bishop.

This cheese is an Italian one
called Caciocavallo.

So that cavallo means horse.
So that can be the knight.

Castle blue, that can be the rook.

This cheese is actually Norwegian,

and it is often marketed
under the name Ski Queen.

And this is good old-fashioned
mousetrap cheddar,

which can be our prawns,
in case anybody thinks

that we're getting
pretentious with the cheeses.

Now, these moulds, I believe,

will allow me to fashion
cheese into chess pieces.

I'm then going to invite
Tony and Sim to have a match.

And the winner... I mean,
you eat a piece if you take it.

But the winner at the end
eats all the remaining cheese.

Now we just need to mould
our cheese into chess.

I think I might hand this job over
to a researcher on minimum wage.

Ethan.

Hello. How do you fancy making

I would love to.

It's a great
chat up line, after all.

Of course, if this
should ever catch on,

the staff would be quite annoyed

because it's quite
a laborious process.

But maybe it will be a special,
you know, cheese chess.

Cheese chessboard will have
to cost something like £250.

Oh, eating cheese. Oh.

Please nobody tell Ethan,
but just now,

when I was just picking
at the cheese, I ate a bishop.

I don't think he noticed.

Oh, [BLEEP]. I said that.

Why was I so c*ck about that?

I'll start again.

Oh, that's very runny and sticky.

[CHUCKLES] That's not gonna work.

That is absolute rubbish.

Yes!

That is the beginnings
of a cheese chess set.

It's pretty good, isn't it?

You saw it here first.

Once we filled the other moulds
and left them to set,

we may actually be able to have
a game if I haven't eaten it.

You join us back in Wiltshire,

where I am solving problems
big and small,

as well as thinking of ways to help

Britain's wonderful
but dwindling pubs,

not mine, by the way,
bring in more customers.

And I've invited Tony and Simmy over
to showcase my latest idea.

MAN: Action.

and Ethan and I,
by which I mean Ethan,

has produced what we believe is
the world's first cheese chess set.

And here it is.

TONY: Very good.

Except, I know you're
going to say the bishop, yes.

Bishop is made
out of Stinking Bishop,

which cannot be moulded
into the shape of a bishop.

SIM: That's fine.

But as long as you remember,
blob, bishop. Blob, bishop.

Tasty. The rules of the game

The difference is that
if you take a piece, you can eat it.

This is ultimately a cheese board
disguised as a game of chess.

So without further ado,
let the tournament begin.

Go!

What's he done there?

I've just realised
a flaw in this segment.

Surely there's no flaw.

Cheese or not,
we're now watching a game of chess.

I don't want you to move it.

I've touched it,
I'll move it. Rules.

The bishops are out.

I'm starving. I want to eat it.
I don't care.

I really wanted
to try a bit of, um, bishop. Mm!

We've got to eat it quite quick.

Nice.

Lush.

Your go, Tony.
You've got to keep the speed up

Okay.

I think I'll take... Oh, h'way!

I think I'll take this piece here.

James, you might
as well try that piece.

That is a delicious bit of cheese.

This is the Italian cavallo cheese.

I didn't try this during
the manufacture of the pieces.

Yum!

That's pretty good, isn't it?

I've spotted another flaw
in the game of cheese chess.

Before long,
eating cheese takes over.

I love it. I love it.

It stops chess being boring because
you become obsessed with the cheese.

Cheese is the best bit.
You have to get better at chess

if you want the cheese. Exactly.

This makes you earn your cheese.

Earn your cheese.
That's fine, though.

[CHUCKLES] No, I'm afraid

And you have eaten a piece
of cheese incorrectly.

You played your king into check

Hang on.

Whoa! There you go.

I didn't realise.
I was going for the cheese.

Simeon Oakley,
the field of cheese is yours.

Fantastic.

James, would you like some cheese?

What would you like?

You'd like a king?

Would you like Tony's king?
I would like my king.

I quite like... Cheers.
What about me?

What about gentlemanly conduct? No.

I gave it all...

That's not a gentleman's game.

That's poor form, Tony.

The lust for cheese overcame
any thoughts of strategy

or tactics or even cunning.

All the things you associate with
a intellectual game like chess.

It was just, 'Cheese, cheese.
Give me some cheese'.

Brilliant.

Fantastic. Cheese chess.
Thank you for watching.

Before we crack open
another packet of Stinking Bishop

and lose all sense
of reason to cheese,

we should get back
to our soundproof room.

Now fully smothered in blankets

and ready to silence
those noisy neighbours.

Let's see if it's
as good as it sounds.

Hello, I'm James May from
Bad Jacket and Volvo Estate Agents,

and I'm here to show you
around this character property

that has become available
in the southwest of England.

It is, as you can see,
clad in furniture blankets.

It's also insulated
with furniture blankets,

and it's lined
with furniture blankets.

The roof is made
of furniture blankets.

And the floor inside is beautifully
finished in furniture blankets.

Not this floor, the floor
inside there, you fool.

We're going to test it
with some well-known noises

outside and inside
to see if it makes any difference.

The noises are an argument
between Tony and Simmy

about whether or not
Simmy qualifies as a builder

because he built an extension
on his house himself.

Trumpet practise.

And...

a noisy power tool.

On the stick right there
is the decibel metre.

So here we go.

We're going to have half a minute
of arguing in three, two, one.

I don't think it was an argument.
It was more of a discussion. Yeah.

You said I didn't build a house
when I did build one.

You didn't build a house,
you built an extension on a house.

No, no, no.
You didn't build a house.

You didn't build a house!
I built a house!

I built a house!

Half a house.
It's not a house, I win.

It's almost...
Almost a whole house.

So you almost built a house.

So, Lucy, argument outside

is 87.6.

Now, if you wouldn't mind going

After you. Thank you.

And I will close the door.

You went through
the wrong way then, Simmy.

Here is the multilayered
curtain door.

Can you hear me?

Sorry?

Go.

All right, I kind of get what
you're saying, but - There you go.

But I did build
quite a lot of a house.

Okay, we're getting somewhere now.

[MUFFLED ARGUING IN TENT]

To almost a house.
To half a house and half a roof.

[MUFFLED ARGUING IN TENT]

And now, I'm just
gonna get trolled -

Enough. You can come out.

Lucy, um, the volume outside
of the row room was...



And inside the row room...
Gentlemen, you peaked at 36.

Thirty-six? Oi!

That's massive.

Let's try trumpet practise.

Okay.

...is that I can't play the trumpet.

Brilliant.

It's all about embouchure,
isn't it, the trumpet?

[ALL MIMICKING TRUMPET SOUNDS]

[TRUMPET PLAYING OFF-KEY]

It's plenty difficult
playing the trumpet.

What was the reading?

That's quite loud.

I'm going in.

[TRUMPET PLAYING OFF-KEY, MUFFLED]

[ALL LAUGHING]

I'm sorry. I've lost my strength.



I think it was 90...

And now, it's 72.2.

That's not a bad result, is it?

That's only about
a quarter of the noise that it was.

Let's see what happens
with the power tool.

The most annoying power tool
we have is the saw.

Are we ready?



Okay, Tony, into the mediaeval tent
of heat and horrors.

[SAW WHIRRING]

[MUFFLED SAW WHIRRING]

Finger off trigger.

You can come out now.

I was worried you were gonna put
your hand through that and then...

Cut your hand off.

So, um...

MAN: 55.8. 55.8



That was noticeably quieter.

I think this is quite remarkable

because the greatest effect
was, in fact, on your row.

Mm-hmm. That was

between outside and inside,
and that's primarily what it's for.

More people have arguments than
are learning to play the trumpet.

But similarly, if you have
one of these in your house

and somebody starts playing
the trumpet or having a row,

you can go in there and be at peace.

Insulation works in both directions.

When I go in here, I can't hear
what you lot are talking about.

You, you insult me,
and I won't be able to hear it.

MAN 1: Thank God he's gone.
[MAN 2 SIGHS] He's just rubbish.

Awful. Overrated has been.

[MUFFLED CHATTER]

That's weird.
I can hear all of that.

[ALL LAUGHING]

It's good. It's really good.

You can make this at home easily.
You just need some wood, two mates,

some power tools, a big, open space,
lots and lots of screws,

a staple g*n, 150 blankets,

some fairy lights,
a lamp and a film crew.

And you could do all this as well,
and it works.

We've done something that works.

Well done.

For once, I'm happy
to blow my own trumpet.

Back in Wiltshire,
we're in the workshop,

where we spend our days
coming up with incredible inventions

to solve life's annoying problems.

But sometimes, just sometimes,
we like to kick back and relax.

Do you reckon, if you...

if you were
in the dark or blindfolded...

Yeah. ...I handed you

Okay.

...and see if you could guess
what it is, we could call it...

Can you handle the truth?

[LAUGHING] About tools.

Go on.

Mm-hmm.

It's an, um, marking gauge.

A bit more specific? Yeah.

An adjustable marking gauge.

You're a woodworker.

We use power tools most of the time
and the CNC machine.

A double adjustable marking gauge.

No points to Tony.

Half a point.

Half a point for getting...
That's a mortice gauge

because you set the distance
from the edge of the wood

and then you set the size
of your mortice, and that there.

He's got a blindfold on, hasn't he?

Oh, very good.

And that's the handle? Yeah.

It's not pliers. One of them things
you punch holes in leather with.

That's pretty good.

Hey! can I keep it
if I've guessed it right? No.

It's a rubbish game, this.

Okay. Come on. You ready?

It's very light.

No idea. What is it?

You can take the blindfold off now
because you've got nil pois.

Okay, so right. So you've got
one-and-a-half out of three.

That's 50%.

That's a C.

Now it's Simmy's turn
to don the tea towel.

[LAUGHS] Not in a million years.

It's the tappet adjusting tool
for a Honda CB750.

[MAN SPEAKING]

Yes, it is. But he's gonna
do that to me, I know.

Ooh. Handle only.

[CHUCKLES] Whoa.

I'm gonna say that's plastic,
and it's for doing something up.

But I don't know what it is,
and I don't know what it's called.

That's a zero in my books. Yeah.

Oh, ah.

It's the tappet adjusting tool
for a Honda CB750.

Of course it is.

And it was for adjusting something.

Come on.

Yeah, you can have half a point.

Ooh! Good choice, sir.

Hand out.

Handle only.

That is a bevel of some sort.

Sliding bevel. Yes.

Ooh. You can only hold the handle.
Oh, that's heavy.

All right. That is some
kind of driver, drill thing.

It's a drill. It's a drill, yes.

Very good. I've got two-and-a-half
to beat. That's quite tricky.

Blindfold on? Blindfold is on.

That's a wooden handle
with some rivets in it.

Is it a marking out knife?

Perfect. Is it?

That's... Oh, I know
exactly what that is.

That's a spokeshave.

Okay, so the confession
with this one, James...

[CHUCKLES]
...is I've got no clue what it is.

I know exactly what it is.
Do you? Yeah.

Um, am I right
in saying it's right angled?

Yeah.

Is it a cabinet scraper?

I think that's a veneer hammer.

Oh, is that what it is?

Yeah, I think you're right.
Yeah, nil pois.

Yes!

Join us next week
for another thrilling episode of

Can You Handle the Truth?

And now we must down tools
and head over to the pub,

as Piers is on his way back

to find out if we've managed
to fix his broken toaster,

and, along with it, perhaps restore
some marital harmony to his home.

So this is Piers's toaster,
which we have mended.

It was quite difficult.

There was an easy way of mending it,
which was buy a new one of those.

We didn't want to do that because
we're not defeatist, and it works.

And this will transform his life
because so far,

he hasn't been able to walk away
from it and leave it unattended.

Let's bring him in. Where is he?

Piers! James, hi.

Look at that. All you can

It's shiny. Yes.

Just before we go into this,

I want to say it is okay
to become emotional.

Don't bottle anything up.

Your life was fundamentally ruined

because you could not
leave a toaster,

that is designed to be
left unattended, unattended.

Absolutely.
Yeah.

The good news is that after...

Oh, my God.

No.

We could easily have
just bought a new timer.

They're something like 25 quid.

But we discovered,
having examined it very carefully,

the timer works on a simple
escapement mechanism,

which has two panners,
which work against

a reciprocating gear wheel,
which was slightly worn out.

There's a bit of end float
in the shaft associated with it.

If we push that with our fingernail,
moved it up

by quarter of a millimetre,
the thing ran perfectly.

So we made
a phosphor bronze leaf spring

from a bit of scrap
I had in my toolbox.

Retapped an existing
hole in the mechanism

to take an m 1.5 screw,
and adjusted the tension

so the shaft was pushed up
by a quarter of a millimetre.

James, fantastic.

I think my toast will
never taste the same again.

You must have a bit with you.

Well, we have some bread.

There's some bread.

Here is some
locally-sourced British butter.

There is a napkin.
And here is some red jam.

We're about to make exciting TV,
where a timer counts down.

Okay. Have you put it

Um, I always leave it like that.

You must have two toast setting on,
but not the bun slot.

Otherwise,
you'll overheat the elements.

Then you'll bring it
back to us to mend again.

Okay. And we go for
two and a tiny bit.

So now, basically,
I could just walk away

and make a cup of coffee,
do whatever.

Try it. Try walking away.

I don't need to.
I trust you. I know.

You've been traumatised by this.
You feel you can't.

Just walk
to the other side of the pub.

Right. I'll walk away. There we go.

You have to go into the other room,
where you can't see it.

This is the first time in years that
Piers has been able to walk away

from his toaster
while it's toasting.

You haven't touched it. On one.

Could have made your coffee.

That'd been perfect. Absolutely.
And it smells like toast.

Nothing wrong with this bit.
Elements work beautifully.

They were all fine?

They are infinitely repairable,
as we've proved.

And you enjoyed doing it,
didn't you, James?

Yes. [ALL LAUGHING]

Now to see whether
the timer will do its job

and stop the toaster toasting.
[TIMER CLICKS]

There we go. See?

Perfect. Look at that.

You tuck in.

So... I'm pleased to see

Yes, not triangles.

Right. Here we go.

That's fine.

That is brilliant. Everything

I'm a happy man.

Mm.

Really, you can't ask for a greater
privilege in life than that.

It's like saving a life in a way.

Mm-hmm.

Literally. Great.

We'll call it a day because it's
good to quit whilst you're ahead.

Absolutely. Sim, thank you so much.
James, thank you so much.

Really, really appreciate it.

So that's another
successful repair job.

And who knows?
Perhaps also a marriage restored.

Let's toast to that.