Son of the Mask (2005)

[bunniefuu]

The Mifulu represent

a fascinating example

of failed culture.

The people of the Mifulu

communicated entirely in rhyme,

although that's actually

less impressive than it sounds,

because their language

only contained one vowel.

Also, if you've noticed,

the only artifacts

we've been able to unearth

are primitive musical

instruments.

The Mifulus had plenty of drums,

guitars, harmonicas

and the like,

but no weapons or tools.

So, in essence,

they had rhythm, they had music,

but they had no

hammers and spears,

so they died.

In any case, this brings us

to the final room of the tour

and my personal favorite-

The Hall of Norse Mythology.

This is Odin,

chief divinity of the entire

Norse pantheon--

"The Allfather" as he's called--

And these paintings depict

some of Odin's many sons.

That is Thor, God of Thunder,

with his mighty hammer.

And this is Balder,

God of Beauty.

Who's that ugly guy?

Oh, I was just

about to get to him.

That's Loki,

Norse God of Mischief.

He was also known

as "The Trickster."

As the youngest son of Odin,

Loki was the black sheep

of the Norse mythological family.

His constant mischievous pranks

were an endless source

of embarrassment

to his father and his siblings.

He was, in other words,

a bratty little brother.

And Loki's ultimate tool

of mischief was this,

the mask which he created

and tossed down to earth

thousands of years ago

to create mayhem among the mortals.

For, according to legend,

the wearer of the mask is imbued

with the powers of Loki himself.

- Is that true?

- No, of course not.

If it were, I'd be

wearing it myself.

No, no, it's textbook

mythical allegory.

Loki represents the "id,"

the suppressed parts

of ourselves,

and the mask is the tool

which unleashes the id.

I go into this very topic

in my critically acclaimed book.

Now, of all the Aesir gods--

Excuse me, sir.

Please don't touch the mask display.

Of all the Aesir gods,

Loki was the only one

who could shape shift--

Change his form,

even turn himself into a woman.

A woman?! Man alive,

lock up your sons and daughters

around that twisted

piece of fruitcake, hey, Doc?

Well, I guess that's

one way of putting it.

Anyway, Loki brought nothing

but shame to Odin and his ilk.

In fact, Loki was

such an unruly child

that Odin ultimately

locked him up in chains

far beneath the earth.

He did not!

- Good God!

- And don't you forget it!

Apparently, you do not

agree with my theories.

Finally!

- This is a fake!

- Yes, but it's a good fake.

Ow. Sir, that

is museum property.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Let me replace it.

What-- what are--

What are you doing?

Perhaps I should inform you

I suffer from vertigo

and I have a lawyer.

Hello?

Where's my body?

Come get me.

- Yeah. Oh yeah.

- Hold it right there!

I don't like it here.

Thanks for dropping by.

- Dropping?

- Bye.

Where's... my...

mask?!

Who's a happy baby?

Who's a happy baby?

Aw, Clare, he's amazing.

Honey, look at him.

They said he's very

alert for his age.

He's going to be a genius

just like his brothers

and sisters.

Little Tommy's starting

Junior Mensa next week...

and Clancy just took

his first potty poop.

Oh, look. Honey, he just

took his first poop.

Good poop, Clancy!

Whoa, Captain Underpants,

watch your aim.

He's gonna need those.

- You okay?

- Yup.

Here. Mm-hmm.

So, when are you two gonna have

one for yourselves?

Oh...

It's a boy.

And agirl!

- Twins?

- And another boy!

- Girl.

- Boy.

- Girl.

- Boy.

Girl, boy, girl, boy...

Tim!

Whew.

Okay, I'm just gonna say it.

That was flat out embarrassing.

The mere mention

of the word "baby" and your throat

seizes up like

you swallowed Drano.

After seeing those kids,

Drano sounds like a good option.

- Honey, just think...

- Yeah?

If we have a baby, you'll have someone

you can play video games with.

Mm-hmm.

- Hey!

- You'll have someone you can relate to.

Okay, honey, look.

I know you're upset, okay?

- But can I ask you one question?

- What?

Who's a fish?

Who's a fish?

Tim, stop it.

I mean it.

Look, babe, who's a turkey?

Bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk!

- I'm serious!

- Who's a rabid dog?

Ow!

- Who's Hannibal the Cannibal?

- Stop it.

Jeez, babe.

Okay, I'm driving--

Driving-- driving here!

- Ugh.

- Honey, slow down.

You know I can't run and apologize

at the same time.

Come on, Tonya. I'm not saying

I don't want to have a baby.

I'm just saying I don't want to have

a baby right now.

So why not?

Why not now?

- Because.

- Ugh.

Wha-- babe!

Tonya!

Ton-ton--

Hey, Otis.

You got room in your doghouse?

Here you go.

Here you go. Yeah!

Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on.

Up.

You're good, aren't you?

Now, get in the hole.

Tretiak's in the net

for the Soviets.

Paul Henderson's out

of the penalty box.

He's on the break!

He shoots!

Oh, what a save!

What a comeback!

Oh! Free beef jerky for everybody!

And the ice is being pelted

with Kibbles 'n Bits.

What's this?

Now, Otis, how many

times have I told you?

If you're gonna steal something,

steal something with a little value.

That's what we're looking for.

Get up here, come on.

Come here.

Thanks, pal.

Your kissing is getting a lot better.

You don't want a baby

right now, do you?

He said it.

Mmm.

LOKl!

Dad?

I-I mean,

Oh, masterful Odin, is that you?

Have you found your mask, Loki?

I found a mask,

but as it turns out,

- it was a fake.

- Why are you relaxing on this beach?

I'm just taking a few

moments reprieve from my--

Nonsense!

That mask

has caused enough mischief

and malfeasance among the mortals.

I curse the day

you created that thing.

Why don't you just use

that all-seeing eye of yours

- and tell me where it is?

- This is your mess

and you will clean it up!

You're a god!

Now start acting like one!

Now, find that mask

before I open up a can

of lightning on you!

Do you need anything

while I'm out?

I'm just gonna go make

a baby with the neighbor.

- Honey, come here.

- What?

Look! Look at all

this stuff.

I've been trying to do

this for 10 years

of my life, creating

these shows and--

I just need more time.

Okay, I get it, okay?

You want your own show,

and I want you

to have your own show.

You're so good!

But I also...

really, really

wanna have a baby.

So, what do we do?

I want our child

to be proud of us,

both of us.

And if somebody asks that child,

"Hey, what does your mommy do?"

He's gonna say, "Oh, she's the managing

director of Apt Apparel."

They'll say, "Cool." When they say,

"What does your daddy do?"

They'll say, "He's a-- he's a--"

Hey, boys and girls.

I'm Torpedo Tortoise!

And here's one for you.

Halloween party's

tomorrow night, homes.

- Got a costume?

- No.

Hey, maybe you could

go as a turtle.

Thanks, Chad.

I can't believe Chad

got promoted again.

When the executives look at me,

all they see is a tortoise.

Hey man, you want things

to change, you gotta make 'em change.

- You ever pitch to the top man himself?

- Daniel Moss? Hell no.

Well, then it's time

to man up, my road dog,

because there he is.

Oh my God.

He never eats lunch down here.

He's too busy being

an animation god!

Then it's fate, man.

You got to go over there

and say, "Yo, I am

Tim Avery and I've been slugging away

in this costume

for six months now

and I got an idea

for a show and you need to hear it."

Be aggressive, man.

If a bug bites you, bite him back!

Oh, you mean like you

have with Sylvia?

Shut up.

You know, maybe I should.

- Should what?

- Just walk up to Daniel.

- I mean, he's just a guy, right?

- Right.

- What do I have to lose?

- You got nothing to lose, man!

- I'm gonna do it.

- Are you crazy?

Hey, Torpedo Tortoise.

Hi.

Something I can do for you?

Uhm...

actually, yes.

Yes, you can.

Um, see I've been

in the turtle suit for a while now,

but, uh, I'm a trained animator.

I went to school and everything,

and, uhm, I got an idea

for a show that, uh,

you gotta hear.

Cool.

Lay it on me.

Now?

So what did he say?

That my ideas lacked spark,

but the door was always open.

Well, that's a good thing.

No. It's always open so he can push

guys like me out of it.

Come on, Otis.

Otis. Come on.

Come on, boy.

Come on, Otis.

Thank you, Otis.

You're so sweet and thoughtful.

Which is why you'd make

such a great dad.

- What are you wearing?

- Oh.

Well, I was gonna go

as a werewolf victim,

but Otis ruined my mask.

Well, honey, you know,

we've got so much stuff around here.

I don't know, just--

Wear that thing.

This?

I can't go as this.

Everyone at Animagine always goes

all out with their costumes.

This is the crappiest

piece of crap in Craptown.

Be a lot less crappy

if you went with me, though.

I know, but I can't.

I gotta finish the Orion brochure.

- You know what?

- Hmm?

Go to the party...

have fun,

and when you get home,

you can tell me all about it.

So lame.

Whoa!

What the...?

Don't you just love Halloween?

Whoa!

Trick or treat.

Hardy-har.

Let me see your work lD, please.

- ID?

- No ID, no party.

Where did the wife

put that invitation?

ID, not lV.

Excuse me.

My bad.

Maybe I left it in

my other pants.

- Crazy!

- Okay.

Here's your drink.

This party is embarrassing.

Can't we stir

things up a little?

- I'm on it.

- Go get 'em.

Who's that green guy?

You'd better cover up,

young lady.

You might catch a chest cold.

Ah.

What am I thinking?

Whoa! Oh!

Hey!

Oh!

- Whoo! Whoo!

- Ah.

- Jorge.

- Sylvia.

Thank you, God.

Boo! Boo!

Now hold on.

Where is everybody going?

Whoo! All right.

All right!

- Boo! Lame!

- Whoo-hoo!

Honey, I'm home.

- Babe, what's gotten into you?

- Let's find out.

That was off the chain

last night, guru.

You were a whirling dervish

of craziness, homes.

Hey, um, did you--

Did you use holograms

for-- for all that-- that stuff?

Whoa, Avery, I didn't know

you had it in you, man!

Yeah, well, me neither.

- Tim Avery?

- Yeah.

Daniel Moss would

like to see you in his office.

Do you have a minute?

This has potential.

Come here.

Come here.

This has that spark

I was looking for.

I mean, not to be

crass about it,

but this guy-- this could be

a franchise character.

How'd you come up with this?

M-my dog brought it to me.

Oh, yeah. If we knew

where the great ones came from,

we'd go there every day, right?

Yeah.

Listen,

I think we could

do something with this.

How would you

like to move up to the second floor?

Where is it?

Where is it?

Otis! You know that mask

you were chewing on,

the wooden one?

Where is it, boy?

Find it and I'll take

you to see Venus--

You know, that cute little Jack Russell

you're always trying to jump?

Yes, I think you guys

would make a good couple.

I don't know.

I don't speak Doberman.

Babe!

I got incredible news!

Really?

I think I do too!

- Really? What?

- Um, you go.

- No, you go.

- Okay, I'm gonna go.

- Babe, let me go.

- Okay, go.

Guess who got moved up

to the second floor?

Oh God, that is so great!

I am so proud of you.

- Oh, then it was meant to be.

- What's meant to be? What's your news?

I've been feeling

really funky all day

- and you're not gonna believe this.

- I'm not gonna believe what?

- Tell me! What? What?

- Okay. I think I might be...

- Pregnant.

- Yes!

Oh, but how can that be, 'cause we--

That can't be-- we just--

Who's a fish?

Who's a fish?

Where's there a trashcan?

Where's there a trashcan?

- Is that normal?

- No.

And what's worse,

it's not covered by insurance.

- Wow.

- What?

Oh, Alvey.

Say hello to your son.

Uh, hello there, son.

I've been waiting to meet you

for nine months now.

Whoa. He's got

a k*ller grip.

But Dad counteracts

with his Pinky of Doom.

Hey, do you know who I am?

I'm your dad.

Loki!

There was a baby

born of the mask!

Damn!

Where's my mask?!

Sir, y-you're gonna

have to pay for that.

The advertisement

said they were authentic!

They are authentic.

They're authentic Pakistani

Norse Mythology masks.

Okay.

Now let me think.

What should I turn him into?

Loki!

Dad?

Fool!

What in Helveti were you

about to do to this shopkeep?

- Nothing, I was just--

- Fool!

Don't you dare lie to me.

You know, Thor never gave me

this kind of trouble.

Okay, here we go again

with the Thor crap.

Thor, Thor, Thor.

You know, father, I'm not like Thor.

I'm never gonna be like Thor.

I just wish that--

Can't you just

love me for who I am

and not for who I'm not?

No! I want you to be

more like Thor!

Now, I've wasted

enough time here.

I felt a tremor.

A child has been

born of the mask!

Wow. A baby's born

of the mask,

so that sort of makes me

kind of like a dad, huh?

- Find it!

- The baby or the mask?

Find the baby

and you will find the mask.

Right.

Tonya, have you seen Otis?

He's in his new doghouse!

Who's a happy baby?

Who's a happy baby?

Let's blow up another one.

You like these, huh?

They're pretty!

Honey, honey, honey,

just a second ago,

he was counting the balloons.

He held up five fingers.

That's great, hon.

I gotta go.

Daniel brought in Chad

to backstab me-- oh, I mean help me--

And I gotta get to work

before he helps me out of a job.

Hey.

What do you think, Double A?

Would you watch this, huh? Hey hon,

I know I've asked like a million times,

but you happen to see that mask I was

looking for, you know the wooden one--

Okay, a billion times, and no.

Why do you need it so badly?

I don't need it.

Who said I need it? Don't need it.

- Bye.

- Bye.

Bye. Say "Bye, Daddy."

Bye bye.

Bye bye. Here.

You want another one?

Okay, watch, watch, watch.

"I want you to be

more like Thor."

Oh, what a jerk.

Oh hey!

It's my ear, nose and throat guy.

Odin thinks he's so great.

Hello! No one even

worships you anymore.

I could have been a doctor

if the SAT weren't

so culturally biased.

Now, let's see. Oh, "lnfectious

Diseases," that always cracks me up.

Maternity ward.

Okay, first I find

the magic baby,

then downstairs to the cafeteria

for some Jell-O brick.

Who do you have to sting to get some

answers in this place?

Bingo!

All right, here we go.

Buckle up.

Oh, hold on tight.

It's gonna be a bumpy ride.

Okay, baby, this

is gonna hurt you

more than it's gonna hurt me.

Ah!

Okay, let's start with...

uh, July 27th.

Babies born on that day.

Oh, my. Why are there

so many babies born?

- Who are you?

- You.

- Me?

- Who?

Huh?

Hmm?

- It's okay, baby. I got him.

- Okay.

Tim.

Tim.

- Okay, it's my turn.

- No, no. It's okay, sweetie. It's okay.

- It's-- it's my turn?

- He's asleep. He's asleep.

But, baby, can you go in

late to work today?

My office just called. Um, they're

sending me to New York for a week.

- Hey, where you going?

- I'm-- I'm sorry, Daniel.

My wife's gotta go out of town

for work. It's just a week,

but I have to take care

of the baby.

Hey, you gotta do the kid

thing, I understand.

Just unfortunate timing.

The network called,

they want to see our green guy

thing by the end of the week,

but I'll just put Chad on it.

- I'm on it.

- What?

I said I need to be home,

as in my house,

but I didn't say

I couldn't work.

Line up the pitch.

I'm on it,

and I won't let you down.

Cool. Try to give it that spark I saw

at the Halloween party.

Okay.

I left all the phone numbers

on the refrigerator

and you need to give him a bath

before he goes to bed,

but don't get any water in his ears,

'cause he freaks out a little bit.

Um, and if he gets cranky,

you just put him in his car seat

and play the Baby Mozart CD, but don't

just pop him in front of the TV;,

it's gonna make him stupid.

Um, uh, if you feel

like you're drowning,

just go see Betty down the

street. She has like 10 kids.

- Honey? Do I have to mash his bananas?

- Yeah?

- I-- I--

- Okay, you're gonna be fine.

Can I say goodbye?

Mommy loves you so much.

Okay.

And Mommy loves you too.

- Mommy, I can't do this.

- Huh? You can.

- I can't.

- You can.

Mommy. Honey, take him.

- Bye.

- Honey, take him.

- I love you.

- Honey, take him.

Bye.

Bye.

Okay.

All right, Alvey.

Okay. All right.

We're gonna have a good time.

Here we go.

Come on. Yes.

Look at the pretty colors.

Oh, look! Ah, ee.

Fun, right?

Look at me!

I'm happy, I'm... happy.

Okay.

Okay, buddy,

it's just you

and me this morning

and we're gonna

have fun and gonna play.

You excited?

Okay.

- Hello?

- Hey, buddy. Can you get down here now?

- Daniel's asking for you.

- No, I can't come in right now.

- I'm stuck here with my kid.

- You'd better think of something.

He wants to see your drawings

before the pitch on Friday.

All right. I'll do the drawings now

and I'll fax 'em over after lunch.

- All right.

- Okay, bye.

Hey, pal.

Daddy's got a teensy-weensy bit

of work to do,

so can you be a good

boy and let him?

Hello?

- Honey, hey!

- Hey, hon, how you doin'?

So, how are you and Alvey doing?

Oh, we're doing fine.

Yeah, we're doing great.

Two little peas in a pod.

How's your thing going?

Good. Uh, he loved

the comps,

so now we just gotta rush

it all into production.

So, how's Alvey?

Is he eating?

How's he sleeping?

Hold on, hon.

Somebody wants to talk to you.

Hi! How's my little

womping wompet?

Oh, I miss you. I just want to kiss you

and kiss you and kiss you!

Okay, hon.

Yeah, he loves you too.

- Hurry home. Bye.

- Okay, bye.

Aww.

Well, isn't it great

that her work is going so well?

- Ma?

- Yes. Ma and her career are just--

- Did you say ma?

- Mama.

Oh my God.

You said mama!

Well, can you say "dad"

- or "da-da?"

- Mommy.

That's great!

You're doing great!

But come on,

say "da-da". Da-da

Mother.

Timmy Tyler,

are you my mask baby?

- Yes?

- Good afternoon!

- May I come in?

- Ah--

What a lovely abode.

Oh my, and such a lush carpet.

You're exactly

the kind of person

the Vacuummeister 3000

was invented for!

Well, if I don't

clean up, no one will.

That is why you need

the Vacuummeister 3000!

It has dual sweeps,

durable airpaths,

jiggle control, multi-Teflon

coated filtering

and it's built

with a direct-drive design

that is so powerful,

it sucks the dirt

off the dirt!

- Is that safe?

- Allow me to demonstrate.

- Oh, don't you need to plug it in?

- No.

This is a terrible

demonstration.

Hello, you little...

ugly thing.

Let's see if you're

the one, hmm?

Bend. Morph!

Shape shift.

Well, do something

for Odin's sake.

No!

I think it's time to introduce you

to man's best friend.

And I don't mean you, Otis.

Okay.

Mommy doesn't want me

to do this,

but what Mommy doesn't

know won't hurt her.

- ...sour cream and onion...

- Oh, look.

Hey, wait a minute.

We don't like your attitude!

Keep an eye on him, will ya?

Look at Bam Bam.

Bam! Bam!

Bam! Bam! Bam!

Bam Bam looks miserable

without Pebbles.

Bam.

Bam, bam, bam.

Smoking!

I don't know how.

I don't know which end is up.

I'm running on fumes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Yeah, I've still got the kid.

Oh God, you have no idea.

Man, they just suck

the life out of you.

I don't know what

I'm gonna do with him.

I think I may be on to something

for my pitch, though.

I don't know, it's just--

Yow! Ooh!

Hi, 911?

I already told you.

My son is bouncing

off the walls!

Yes, off the walls, the couch,

and the ceiling.

Hello. Hello? Hello?!

Don't stop, little--

- Yeah?

- Betty!

I need your help.

Tim, what's wrong?

Uh, uh, well, Tonya said

if I ever needed--

You know-- oh, uh, well, if any--

If I saw anything weird.

It's Alvey. It's Alvey.

It was Alvey. See?

He was-- he was bouncing

and he-- he did the Woody laugh,

you know...

And he was singing.

Well, lots of babies

his age sing.

Vaudeville?

Okay, I'll show you.

Okay, okay.

Here we go.

Go on. Sing.

Go on, Alvey.

Do it.

Do it.

Sing, damn it!

- Sing--

- Tim!

- He's a baby.

- Exactly my point.

I'm here to unclog your throne.

Oh, Jason Kemperbee,

be my baby.

Come on.

Hook me up.

Show me the magic.

Alvey.

Put that down.

That's Mommy and Daddy's.

Please put the fax machine down.

Want some juice?

Here, want some juice?

It's okay. Here you go, Alvey.

Have some juice.

Yeah, you like juice.

See, Alvey?

Daddy's not gonna hurt you.

Whoa! Hey!

Hey! Hey!

No! Hey! Hey! Ah!

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Bam! Bam! Bam!

Bam! Bam!

Rattle.

Aww, poor baby.

Huh? Oh!

Uh-oh.

- Yes?

- Hi!

Would you like

some Thin Chocolate?

Yeah, you can run,

but you can't hide!

Transformers.

Alvey?

You-- you wouldn't do that

to Da-da, would you?

I'm your dad.

C-can you say "dad"?

"Da-da"?

Madre.

This is too much too handle.

I mean, this is insanity.

Dancing?

No. No.

Shh.

Fire!

Bull's-eye!

Hmm?

Here we are by the baby.

Oh, yeah.

Who's the dog?

Who's the big dog--

Whoa!

Mommy!

I surrender.

Bye-bye.

Oh, sh**t.

Oh!

Stop it!

This is insane!

Point it down!

- All done?

- Hmm.

- Hey, I'm Rod.

- Get in here!

Okay.

Uh, take a look at this.

Hey, what a cute little baby.

- Oh, of course!

- Mind if I take a look at him?

No, go ahead.

I don't care.

Come on.

Do something crazy.

Yeah, do something crazy!

Crap! Huh-uh, huh-uh.

Damn it. This isn't

the right one either.

Hey!

What are you doing?

Uh, I left your package

in the foyer.

Do I have a package? Okay.

Oh well.

What happened?

You did this to me.

I know what you're doing.

You're trying to drive me crazy.

You're a cunning

little mastermind

who will stop at

nothing until I go

completely insane.

Well, come on.

Start dancing again.

Start screwing with my mind!

Start, huh?

Come on!

Why aren't you

screwing with my mind?

Maybe I am just going crazy.

Maybe I am just going crazy.

Maybe I am just going crazy.

Maybe I am just going crazy.

Maybe I am just going--

That's it, buddy.

First I'm taking you to a pediatrician,

then I'm taking you

to an exorcist.

Who are you?!

Oh my G--

My son is the devil.

My son is the devil.

Oh my Odin, it is him.

We're just going to have

a nice little drive,

while Daddy has

a nervous breakdown.

Please leave a message.

Tonya, it's Betty.

You said I should keep an eye out

and call you if there

are any problems?

I think there's a problem.

No parking there.

That's a handicapped zone!

Hey! Sir?

Hey, wait!

Stop! You!

Hey!

What is it?

- Ah!

- Okay, where is the mask?

- What?

- The mask. My mask. Where is it?

What are you talking

about? Who are you?

I am Loki, God of Mischief.

Yeah, and I'm Tim, God of Crazy

Babyland. Will you get out of the way?

That baby is born

of the mask-- my mask.

- Now, where is it?!

- Born of the mask-- what?

Oh, so that explains why

he could pee like that!

But wait a minute.

This is my baby.

I don't care about that.

Just give me my mask!

- I don't know where it is.

- Oh really?

Maybe this will jog your memory!

- Loki!!

- Dad?!

I've warned you! You've

left me no other choice.

I don't have time for this.

Look, Dad, there's Balder.

- Just give me the mask.

- I don't have it.

I think my dog ate it.

That is the oldest

excuse in the book,

and I've read some really,

really old books.

But if you want

to do this the hard way...

so be it.

Oh, you're good.

- Whoa.

- Yeah.

You really are a chip

off the old block.

But I don't have time for this.

Prepare to feel my true power!

Loki!

You have defied me

for the last time.

I've had it up to here with you!

Dad, please listen to me.

You're holding the baby.

Silence!

You have left me no choice.

- Listen, listen--

- You are hereby stripped

of your immortal powers

and forever banished

to the land of mortals.

No! Please, hear me out.

That baby--

Whoa.

- Pretty.

- Whoa.

Whoa.

- Hello?

- Where the hell are you, homes?

Your pitch meeting

is starting right now.

Um, I just met Green.

- Loki.

- Snap out of it.

Where are you?

I'll pick you up.

What's the deal, Tim?

I get you a network pitch,

and you repay me by showing up

20 minutes late

looking like an escaped

mental patient?

Andwith a kid?

Huh?

This is Tim Avery.

He created the character,

so why don't I just let him

tell you more about it?

Tim?

Tim?

Guys, I could walk.

I-I guess he didn't

like the pitch.

I just--

I wanna get all my stuff.

Tim?

Pick up the phone!

Tim!

Betty just called.

She's completely freaked out!

Oh, God. Call me the second

you get this message.

Hey, it's me.

Uh, got your message.

Well, things are

really great here.

Uh, me and Alvey got chased

by a guy named Loki.

Well, that's not important.

I pitched, uh, my show today,

and, um...

I got fired.

Yeah.

Um...

but Alvey pooped,

which is good, and, uh...

and Alvey saved me.

It was amazing.

But, uh, uh,

the main thing is, uh,

we're totally fine.

Everything's great.

Um, better than fine, actually.

Alvey's great.

I love you.

Okay, bye.

Whoa!

By Kylvie, King of Svitjod,

Houthedy and Yppor.

I summon thee, God of Gunningap

- Nifleheim, Kvelge--

- Tim?

Tim? Is that you?

Tim!

Kvelgemir!

Who summons Odin,

- Allfather of the gods?

- Shh!

- G-- Loki?!

- Shh!

- You'll wake the baby.

- Oh, sorry.

Loki, is that you?

Tim.

What are you doing in there?

You did the conjuring ceremony

- by yourself?

- I pay attention.

- Sometimes.

- But you don't have the mask.

- Well, yeah, that's why I--

- Rules are rules, Loki!!

And I specifically-- ow!

Could you just stop lecturing me

for one minute and listen?!

I found the baby.

He's right there.

- That child is strong.

- Mmm.

Very strong.

I had him before.

I was this close,

but you took my powers

and they got away.

So, please, father,

give me my powers

and I will give you the mask.

Very well.

Your resourcefulness pleases me,

and your mother says

we should be trying

"positive reinforcement,"

whatever the Helveti that is.

So, as a reward,

I shall grant you a reprieve.

You have until

the sands have fallen.

Oh, hey, hey.

Wait, wait. Hang on.

- Hmm?

- I want to sync up.

Ready... now!

Don't disappoint me, Loki.

Use your powers wisely

and complete your task.

This truly is

your final chance!

Tim.

What's going on up there?

Tim Avery, what are

you doing in there?

Hmm.

Nosy neighbors.

Ah--ah--choo!

- Guess who?

- No! Ah!

Tim, snap out of it!

Baby?

- Is that you?

- Of course it's me.

What are you doing up so late?

- And where's Alvey?

- Seriously.

Is that really you?

No, you idiot.

Oh God.

Ah-- what-- I--

Oh Jeez.

Bro, listen.

I'm a god.

I can shape shift.

I can create stuff

out of nothingness.

I can alter

the fabric of reality,

so, please, quit being

a knucklehead.

- What do you want from us?

- Oh, don't worry.

I'm not gonna hurt you...

yet!

This baby was born

out of the mask,

and I want my mask back!

Meet me in exactly one hour.

So you find the mask

and meet me at-- hmm.

Where shall we meet?

Um, how about Red Lobster?

It's always so difficult getting a table

there, especially on Fridays

- when they do that special.

- There's a wick burning.

Well, how about we meet

in an alley in the city?

- There's a wick--

- Met at one before.

- Sure, it's a little cliche...

- Sir, your--

But it's not so cliche that I think

to myself, "Wow, that's too cliche!"

- But-- it-- it--

- Meet me in that alley within the hour,

with the mask,

if you ever want to see

your little monster again.

No!

Alvey! No!

What-- Tim?

Tim?!

Alvey?!

Oh God. Tim!

What are you-- what are you--

Tim.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What the hell is wrong with you?!

Get off of me!

Get out of there, Loki!

Where's my son, you mongrel from hell?

Tim! Ah!

Tonya?!

Tonya!

Oh, it's really you.

- Oh my God.

- Oh God, I'm so sorry.

Betty was right.

You have gone crazy.

No, I haven't.

I thought I did, but I didn't.

Where's Alvey?

- Okay, don't freak out.

- Where's Alvey?!

- You're freaking out.

- Where's my baby?!

- Loki t-took him.

- Took him?!

Oh my God.

Did you call the police?!

- No, I--

- Oh my God.

Tonya, listen!

- This is an emergency!

- Tonya!!

- My son is missing--

- No, Tonya, listen!

The police can't help us!

He's the freaking God of Mischief.

All he wants is his mask,

which Otis is wearing.

And if I can just figure

out where Otis is, I can just--

Of course!

Our child is missing and you're worried

about the damned dog?!

This is crazy!

See what I'm talking about?

Now, you're gonna

have to trust me

and get in the car, because I know where

Alvey is and I know how to get him back,

because I know the one place

Otis the moose would go.

See there's this really

cute pooch Venus.

Otis?

Otis!

That's not Otis!

That's a green critter.

I'm sorry, okay?

I've ignored you

and I've been impatient,

but I need you, buddy.

Loki, that guy that made the mask?

He wants it back.

He has Alvey.

And he's a bad guy, Otis.

He hates dogs.

He doesn't realize that dogs

are truly man's best friend.

- Huh?

- You heard me.

You're this man's best friend.

But Alvey's my son

which sort of makes you

like his big brother.

And when he grows up,

he's gonna be your bestest friend.

But right now, he needs you

and he needs that mask.

All right.

So, I guess you're

kinda cute, huh?

Um, can you, like,

do anything you want, like me?

I mean, can you do this?

Wow.

Well, look at you!

You're just a little

outlaw, ain't you?

Okay, hombre. Let's see how tough

your rawhide can be.

Gotcha.

I like it!

So, you like games, huh?

Well you'd better watch out

'cause I've got a game

that no one can beat me at.

Super Twister!

It's just around

the corner, right here.

Here we go.

Isn't this fun?

Whoa!

Whoa!

No fair! That crash

threw me. Rematch!

Okay, you give me Alvey,

and the mask is yours.

I can't let go.

I've grown attached.

- Alvey!

- Hey, we had a deal!

I'm the God of friggin' Mischief,

what did you expect?

- Huh.

- Hey, Loki.

Honey, you look hot.

Give me back my son!

Um... no.

Honey, I think

it's time we trade up.

Buckle up, baby.

Listen to Loki, kid.

Dads are overrated

and I speak from experience.

Ah, there's nothing

like a Sunday drive.

You wanna have some fun,

kid, you stick with me.

All right. It's time

to lose them for good.

Oh, look out,

look out, look out!

Yahoo!

Whoa!!

Hey, babe, look.

No hands. I'm kidding.

Let's just finish this.

Now, where did he go?

- Hmm.

- Uh, honey?

I think, maybe, there?

And here he is, folks,

the failure of Fringe City,

Yes, it's Tim "No-win" Avery!

Tim, it's Alvey.

I'm gonna go get him.

Kick his can, honey.

Float like a butterfly,

sting like a bee.

Hi, baby.

Hi, baby. Hi, baby.

Oh, yeah? Well, jump

like a grasshopper

and stink like a skunk!

Caught me with my mouth open!

You can't fight me

if you're locked in a trunk.

Huh?

I'm coming, I'm coming.

Let's get out of this dump.

Come on.

And Loki said, "Let there

be a brick wall!"

And there was!

Okay!

No more Mr. Nice Guy!

Say hello to my little friend!

Tim! Tim!

Here's Loki!

Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, T-T-T-T-T--

Wait.

This is a waste of time.

We're evenly-matched opponents.

I think we should

let the kid decide.

Why, that's a swell idea.

Alvey, this is your decision.

- Pick me, pick me!

- Alvey?

- I'm your real dad!

- Come on, you little devil. Let's play!

- Come on, Alvey.

- Alvey.

Alvey?

- Yeah, that's right.

- Tim!

Son.

Alvey, look at me.

It's your dad.

There's no more superpowers.

I know at first

I was kind of a jerk.

I didn't know

how to handle a son,

but you helped me grow up.

And I want to repay you

by helping you grow up.

I love you.

Come on.

- Da-da.

- Oh, Alvey.

It's my son.

Yes.

I just wanted a friend.

Push! Push!

Huh?

Off the throne.

He's off the throne. That's not good.

Your time is up, son.

As expected, you failed

in your promise.

You failed in your quest.

You are, in every sense

of the word,

- a failure.

- And I thought your dad was mean.

Hey, we both knew

it would end like this, right?

You always set me up to fail.

At least in that respect,

- I'm living up to your expectations.

- Silence!

You've brought me

much pain, Loki.

Right back at you, Dad.

- Hey!

- Tim, no!

Hang on just a minute,

Grizzly Adams.

I don't know how things work

in the god world,

but you're his father,

he's your son.

And even if you banish him,

he's still gonna be your son.

There is nothing more important

in this entire universe

than your relationship

with your family,

especially if you're immortal.

You're like 1,000,

he's like 800,

so you might as well

get things right now

and enjoy the rest

of your eternal life.

Here's the thing.

Just take it.

Okay?

Loosen up.

Come on, son.

Let's go home.

- Okay?

- Okay.

Godspeed.

Maybe now, I can help you

patch things up with Mom?

Don't push it.

A baby and a dog competing

for Dad's attention--

I love it.

Simple, but it's-- it's got--

- Spark?

- Yes.

Where did you get the idea?

Well, I just kind of quit

trying so hard and...

the idea just came to me.

It's great.

Yay! Yay!

Honey, oh.

That was such a good show!

But I think you might

need to add another character.

What?

- Really?

- Yeah.

What do you think about that,

Double A?

A little brother or sister?

How does that sound?