02x09 - The Simple Life

[bunniefuu]

- EDMUND: One last bag.

- NORA: Come on,
Edmund, let's go!

- EDMUND: Okay, okay!

[sighs]
My entire life in...

a Kia Soul?

- Honda Fit.
It's a Honda Fit.

- But seriously, Nora,

thank you for coming
on this journey with me.

- Of course, dude.

I'm really excited
about it, actually.

Just me and you on
the open road together.

Oh, and I got a surprise for us.

- What is it?
- I'll give you a hint.

- [Nora pees]

- Are you... peeing?
- Yes.

- Into a catheter?

- No! It's a...
- [pop]

- funnel attached to a CamelBak.

- Nora, we don't need
pee or poop containers, okay?

- Why not?

- It's a 45-hour drive.
We're gonna make stops.

- No, we're not
gonna make stops.

I came prepared, baby girl.
Check this out.

[gulps]

- Are you... are you
drinking gasoline?

- I'm not drinking gasoline.

I'm siphoning it like
they do in the country.

Uh oh.

- [radio playing]

- What?
- Swallowed it.

- Nora, go get water!

- No, I'm not getting water!
I'm buckled in!

- Well, then, unbuckle
and go into the house!

- I don't want to unbuckle
'cuz I already have the...

The thing in my butthole!

- Can you just f*cking drive?

- ♪

♪♪

- [glam music]

- [laughs]
O-M-G. LA, baby!

Wow, it is the middle of January

and it's 70 degrees out
and sunny!

And everyone here is hot!

Yeah, I think I'm
gonna like it here.

Okay, take a photo.
Nora, can you step out?

- What? I wanna be in it, too.

- I hope you two
lovebirds enjoy your stay.

- We're cousins.
- Thanks... what?

- Oh, uh, my bad.
I just sort of assumed...

- Yeah, well, you assumed wrong.

Okay, we are not lovers.
That is disgusting.

- [gasps]
- Okay.

- [door shuts]

- Why do people
keep assuming that?

- Why did you have to
be so harsh about that?

- Of us being lovers?
- Edmund, listen.

Let's cut through the
bullshit real quick.

If you had to choose...

any cousin...

who would it be?

- Oh my god.
I guess... Albert.

- Albert? He looks
like a pineapple!

- What?
- A wonky little b*tch. Albert!

- Nora, he donated
his kidney to you.

- Oh, he has a martyr complex.
All right?

- Nora, just shut the
hell up for one second

and look at this view!
I mean, why are we bickering?

We should be going out
and exploring the city!

- I... I have a personality too.

- EDMUND: Stop it.
- NORA: I'm an ENFP.

- ♪ I don't know
what you're saying ♪

♪ I don't know
what you're saying ♪

- EDMUND: Oh my god, oh my
god, the Hollywood sign.

- NORA: Where?
- EDMUND: Over there...

Turn to the right.
- NORA: Where?

- ♪ Womp, womp, womp, womp,
sounds to me... ♪

- NORA: Oh, look, Mel-ROSE!

- EDMUND: Why are you
saying it like that?

- NORA: Let's get
some souvenirs!

- EDMUND: Wait, let's
get bulgogi!

- NORA: "Bul-go-gi"

- EDMUND: Okay, we get it.
You're Korean.

- Yes. That Johnny Depp
impersonator was so good.

- Nora, that wasn't a Johnny
Depp impersonator, okay?

That was a random drunk
dude who you woke up.

- Where are we
going next, though?

Ripley's Believe It or Not?

The Rock Hard Café?
- The Rock Hard Café?

- Bird park?

- I'm going to an improv
class across town.

But it's gonna take me an hour
and forty minutes to get there.

- That's cool.
I'll come with you.

I'll drive you.
- No, that's okay.

I think I'm gonna Commutez it

because you make
U-turns with one finger

and you almost
k*lled us at a basic left turn.

- How am I supposed
to know when to go?

It's like a gauntlet of death.

- You're supposed to
just intuit the spaces

in between the incoming cars
and make the left turn!

- No.
- Look, just stay here, okay?

And, I don't know, explore or go
to the pool or something, okay?

I have to go and
become an actor.

Take care. I'll catch
you later, okay, Nor?

- Bye.

- [door opens and shuts]

- ♪

- GRANDMA ON PHONE:
So, where's Edmund?

- Thank you.

Uh, he's at an acting class.

He's, uh... he's made,
like, eight friends already.

He's doing well.

- GRANDMA: Oh, that's good!
What about you?

Have you made any
friends lately?

- Met a guy down
at the Carl's Jr.

But, uh... I'm
just lone-wolfing it.

- Well, be safe and have fun.
And say hi to Brenda!

- Hi, Nora!
- Oh, hey, Brenda!

- Brenda is going
to be around more,

so I wanted to show
her the Chinese ropes!

- Sweet.
- Yeah, and she gave to me

these lovely compression socks.
And we're making jook now.

- NORA: Nice.
- Yeah,

I hope I don't mess it up.

- Oh, don't worry.
It's impossible to mess up jook.

I mixed it with a
sh*t twig before.

- A what?

- Ah, a twig with a
little bit of sh*t on it.

- BRENDA: Like poop?

- Ah, Nora, I'll
call you back later.

- Bye!
- BRENDA: Bye, Nora!

- Bye, Brenda! Bye.

- [three beeps to end call]

- Sorry. I couldn't
help but eavesdrop.

I think it's really sweet that
you still talk to your grandma.

Where is she? Bangkok?

- Queens, New York,
East Coast, yeah.

- I miss Queens.

I moved here from
New York a few years ago.

- Oh, cool.
- God damn, I do not regret it.

- You like LA that
much better, huh?

- Kidding me?
The weather, the people,

not having to live in a
windowless sub-basement.

I once had a studio
in the West Village.

Guess what the
square footage was?

Guess!

- 500?

- 5.
- What?!

- Yeah.

I will never forget
this one Christmas.

I was so broke from
paying NYC rent,

I couldn't afford to go home.

I sit on my Murphy bed wrong
and it folded so violently,

it was like I stapled
myself to myself.

- Ouch. Wow-wouch.

- That was a brutal winter, too.
Girl, I died.

- Girl, what do you mean?

- So a pipe burst, right?
My place fills with water,

and I literally freeze
to death in that Murphy bed.

I reanimate come
May, and get this!

Went to work that day!
That's New York.

- Oh my. Oh, I'm so sorry

for your... loss, your, but...

- Thank you so much.
- Yeah.

- I mean, that in itself should
be reason for you to stay.

- Not really, 'cuz that's
kind of a specific situation.

- Are you gonna finish that?

- Did you... you can
have some, if you want.

- Oh no, I'm all right.

I just wanted to know if...
If you were gonna finish it.

- Yeah. Yeah, maybe.

- Like, all the fruit too?

- Probably not the lime, but...

- Oh.

- BRENDA: This is so exciting.

Really, all the crazy
concepts and ingredients

and then... and then that.

- You never seen
a geoduck before?

- Um, no, I haven't.

- GRANDMA: Oh, it is a delicacy.

- Kind of reminds me of my ex.

- Oh? How so?

- He's very pale, and
just sits there, uh...

Well, what do... what do
we do with that guy now?

- Well, now we take
it out of the shell,

and then we saw it
and cut it into bits,

and then we throw
it into the pot.

- Wow.

- I feel like Lorena Bobbit.

- BOTH: [laugh]

- ♪

- Just smile.

I'm sorry, not to...
Not to be that guy,

but smile, okay?
- Okay.

- [phone vibrates]

- Nora?
- Edmund?

- EDMUND: Hey!
Are you okay?

- Are you out right now?
Why didn't you invite me?

- EDMUND: What? I totally did.

Oh, wait, no I didn't.
But do you wanna come?

- NORA: Yes!
Yes, Edmund, I wanna come.

- If you're gonna invite your
aunt, she has to be on the list.

- EDMUND: Nora, I don't
think I can get you in, okay?

I'm with my improv
friends and they're so cool.

I don't wanna piss them off.

- NORA: Okay. This just sucks.

I don't know what to do
with myself out here.

- Nora, when are you
going back to Queens?

- NORA: What is that
supposed to mean?

- I just assumed you
were going home soon.

- Well, I'm so, so sorry
if I'm bogging you down.

How do you know LA
isn't my holy land either?

- Because you can't
live on your own, Nora.

Everyone knows that.

- Who's everyone?

- I know you wanna find
meaning like the rest of us,

but you just don't actually try.

- I... I try.

- What are the things that
you're actually going to

get up and fight for?

If you don't know, you're
just gonna keep getting lost.

- ♪

- EDMUND: Hello?
Are you still there?

- NORA: Yes.
Yeah, I'm still here.

Um... I'm kind of tired,

so I think
I'm just gonna... lie down.

- You've been jilling
off all day, haven't you?

- I haven't been
doing that all day.

But, um, have fun out,
and um, I'll see you later.

- Love you, Nora.
- I love you too, Edmund.

- [three beeps to end call]

- ♪

- [melancholy music]

- GPS: Navigating
to Queens, New York.

- Should we go check on that?

- Oh, oh, no, no, no, it's good.
- Okay.

- GRANDMA: Now, this is
traditional Chinese medicine

and herbs.

- BRENDA: Wow.
- GRANDMA: Uh-huh.

We have here Chinese dried yams.

Oh, yum.
- I love yams.

- And we got, uh, lotus seeds.

Uh-huh. There.

Now, this is my
most prized possession...

A miracle sent from the skies.

- Aw, what does it...
What does that do?

- It's for bruises and sh*t.

It is called dit da jow.
Dit da jow.

- "... eye do."

- Yeah, "jiu" is liquor.
- And then do you drink it?

- No! It'll k*ll ya.
- Oh.

- ♪

- NORA: Hey, Grandma, it's Nora.

I'm driving home now, so,
uh, I'll see you soon.

- [car powers down]

- [engine stalls]

- NORA: Oh, sh*t! Oh! Oh.

- ♪

- Wake up!

- Not loud enough.

When Wally falls asleep
on long car trips,

you have to really get in there.
Try again.

- Okay.

- ♪

- Wake up!
- I barely heard that!

The car is careening
into the guardrail!

We're flipping over!

- Wake up, you stupid
son of a b*tch!

- Good. You're learning.

- [sighs]
- BOTH: [laugh]

- Excuse me? Sir? Hi.

My... my car broke down
and, uh, my phone's dead.

I'm wondering do
you know where we are.

- You're in New Mexico.

- Oh, Aunt Sandra lives here.

Do you, um... do you
know if there's, like,

a cult commune around here?

- You mean those freaks
who live in the woods?

- Yes, yes! Them.
- I'll draw you a map.

- Oh, that'd be lovely.
Thank you.

- Mm-hmm.

- [radio plays country music]

- There you go.

- Thank you.

It's just a... a straight
line going up to a peanut.

- That's a death skull.
- NORA: Oh, great.

- That connotes the commune,
which is straight up that road.

- You could've just
tol... told me that.

- Mm-hmm.

- Thank you.

- Watch out for coyotes.

- Oh, yes, I will.
Love them.

- [coyote howls]

- Where the hell am I?

- ♪

- Oh, sh*t.

- Hello. Are you lost?

- Um, no.
Uh, yes, a little.

- Are you here to cause trouble?

- No, no. No, I'm not.

I'm not here to
cause any trouble.

I'm just... I'm
looking for someone.

- Who do you seek?

- I don't know her hippie name.

- Widdle her!
- GROUP: Mm-hmm.

- No, no, no, no, no, no!
- Yeah.

- Don't... don't widdle me!
Don't nod to that!

I'm looking for,
uh, my aunt Sandra.

We're related.
- Did she say Sandra?

- Should we tell
Mistress Jupiter?

- What's happening?

Are you Nora?

- Yes. Yes!

- Nora! Sandra's
told me all about you.

But she said that you
were severely c*ck-eyed.

- I have a slight astigmatism.

- And you have a little tail?

- No, that's my
cousin... Edmund has a tail.

He's... I have just flat skin.

- Oh.

- Nora, it's so wonderful
to finally meet you.

Let's hug, breast to breast!

- Okay.

- [whimsical music]

- Yeah, that's definitely
nipple contact.

- [birds chirping]

- Mm!

So, here at
the Union of Seven Moons,

we're living off the land.

We build our own houses.

We make our own clothes.

We're completely
self-sufficient.

- Hm, sounds like
one of those, like,

Netflix documentary
hippie cults.

- It's not a cult.
[laughing]

No, we don't... we don't...

[sternly]
We don't use that word.

It's more of a place to, uh,
sort of understand the world

through reflection of the self.

- What do you mean, the self?

- Well, haven't you
ever wondered, Nora,

who you really are?

I mean, why you're here?
What you life's purpose is?

- Yes, at times I've had
these thoughts, yeah.

- [laughs] I see
conflict in your eyes.

I see chaos and confusion, Nora.

- I don't want to be a loser.

Someone who has
nothing to fight for.

I had, um... some bird sh*t in
my hair for, like... a month.

- That's good luck.

- Right, but I just
wanted to be cognizant of it

and get it out, you know?

- Well, here at the Union,
we define our own success.

Here, you are a star

in a constellation.

Want some leaf branch?

Yeah, yeah, try it.
It's good.

- Mm, mm... mm-hmm.

- [gentle Chinese
erhu music plays]

- So, this is an erhu.

A traditional Chinese fiddle.

- Wow, I didn't know your
family was so musical.

- We're not. I just
ordered it from Amazon.

- [the Erhu squeaking]

- I think it sounds like sh*t.

- PHOBOS: Today, the Union
of Seven Moons welcomes Nora.

- ALL: Dum vivimus vivamus!

- Cheers.

- We usually
begin our welcome feasts

with a short spiritual exercise.

Without thinking, say one word

that describes your internal
pendulum at this very moment.

- Hmm...
- PHOBOS: Don't hesitate, Nora.

- Horn.
- I love that.

- [all agree]

- Wow, uh... is this like
a... like a miso starter soup?

- No, no, no.

This is wine we make
from our own summer squash.

- And eagle semen.
- Mm.

- We call it nature drip here.

- We only consume all-natural
products straight from the land.

It's better for your soul
and your sexual health.

Like...

how old do you think I am?

- Thirty... four?
Thirty-four?

- I'm 19 years old.

- NORA: 'Cuz there's
a bit of a backlight.

It's a covered bridge, so
there's a bit of a shadow.

Just, you know,
it's golden hour.

If you don't mind, I'm gonna
reach into the bird here.

Well... ooh.

Mm, mm-hmm.

It's a big-old chicken.

- Oh, that's not chicken.

- Turkey?
- No.

- Quail?
- Keep guessing.

- You know what? I don't...
- It's a penguin!

He died of natural
causes in 2002.

- 2002?

- Do you want some sriracha?
Homemade.

- What... what do
you make that with?

- Oh, that's a rat.

- Yeah, I'm going
to just do the bread.

- ♪

- Oh my goodness,
this is so good!

I don't get it.

How did you get all
this flavor in there?

- It's the twig!

And the 30 hours
of slow-cooking.

- You know, I'm really enjoying
spending this time with you.

- Good. I'm glad you like it.

- You know,
it reminds me of the time

my mom would
take me to the movies.

We'd sneak in and see
"Casablanca"

on the classic movie night.

- My mom used to take
me to the movies too.

- Oh!

- Well, not movies.
Live theater.

- Oh, wow!

- Well, not live theater.

Public executions.
- Huh?

- You know, after they cut
off a head, the tongue, eyes,

and mouth still move.

It does like this.

Because the nerves
don't shut off.

- Strange.
- GRANDMA: Yeah.

You want some more?
- No, I'm good, I'm good.

- [owl hoots]

- [water dripping]

- [knocking at door]

- NORA: Come in.

- Mistress Jupiter wanted me
to tell you that noctis

is happening now.
Would you like to join?

- Oh, uh, what
is... what is noctis?

- Naked, we form a 43-person
human pyramid and we release.

- Oh, like... like tension?

- Yes, that as well.
- Oh, uh-huh.

Um, I would love to,
but I'm super tired.

I think I'm just gonna lie down.
Um, question though.

Have you seen a tow truck driver

carrying a red Honda Fit
with flame decals on the door?

- Actually, an outside gentleman
did approach me with keys

to that exact motor vehicle.

- Oh, yes, thank you!

- Will you be leaving us?

- Yeah. Yeah.

Do you guys, do you have
a phone charger, though?

'Cuz my phone died on the way.
[laughs nervously]

- Nora, we don't have
those poisons here.

- Look, what... what
kind of poisons? Uh...

- The Union rejects technology
and the ills that come with it.

Think about what
that phone brings you.

Constantly comparing
yourself to others,

searching for validation.

When you have that thing
on, what are you doing?

- I actually never thought
about it like that.

It's real. Yeah.

- Well, if you change your mind,
noctis is happening in the barn.

We always let new guests
get the middle bottom.

It's the best spot!

- [chuckles] Mm.

It's delicious down there.

Thank you for the keys.

- [door shuts]

- Oh, sh*t, is that a mongoose?

- [mongoose trills]

- ♪

♪♪

- MAN: Who the [bleep]
is Awkwafina?

- ♪

- MAN: ♪ MTV ♪