01x06 - Sticking With You

[bunniefuu]

It's been a month since Mum
moved in, and it's not going great.

MUSIC: Sick of It
by the Primitives

Oh! You have to do that
to your face every morning?

Do you have to start the day
with a rollie behind your ear?

And I need a bigger cup than that.

♪ There's no fire in your sun... ♪

They can't even get through
breakfast together.

How many sugars have you
put in that? Three.

Well, I take five.

Tastes like dishwater.
Not good for you, that.

Oh, what, are
you the expert on health now?

I'm very healthy,
I'll have you know.

My body's a pissing temple.

♪ I'm sick of it all

♪ I'm sick of it

♪ Sick of it all. ♪

It was the strangest experience
of my life and, then again,

weirdly erotic.

Oh, God,
not the alien abduction again!

If aliens were coming to Earth,
why would they come to Bolton

and abduct you, Grandma?

You tell me, Alma. You tell me.

Hm, yeah, that's really
interesting.

So, on Lin's progress...

They were stood in the corner
of me bedroom,

in the middle of the night,
just staring at me at first.

What did they look like?

Erm, normalish-size heads.

Malevolent eyes.

And then they told me
they needed to take me. Bloody hell!

Yeah, and I don't blame them.

You know, I am an extremely
sexual being.

As were they. OK, shall we get off

the topic of whether you did or
didn't f*ck an alien, Grandma?

Yes, I'd like that too, actually.

Erm, I think it's important to say

I'm glad you all feel comfortable
now, being so...honest with me,

but these weekly visits are actually
about tracking Lin's progress.

Yeah, well,
I've got my own news, actually.

Right, well, it's not really
a news-sharing forum.

Oh, what is it? Well... Sorry,
I've got another visit after this

and then Pilates at five.
Yeah. No, I understand that. Yeah.

So, I got in the theatre company
and I'm off on tour.

Oh! Oh, that's fantastic, Alma!
I know.

I knew you'd be a star.

Didn't I always say that, Lin?

No, never. How long are you going
for?

Six months.

Right, f*cking great.

LORRAINE SIGHS

What about me?

Oh, for God's sake!

Well, you're doing really well now,
Mum.

Am I now? I feel like a
battery farm chicken here,

cooped up between these two
clucking away with no break.

Yes, it can be draining.

Do you know the most exciting thing
that's happened to me

this week
is having a buttered crumpet?

It's not been easy for Mum, staying
clean and getting back on the grid.

Take yesterday, for example.

ALARM BEEPS

An abrupt 7:30 start.

c*ck-a-doodle-f*ck'-do.
Time to go.

She had to get about a million
buses,

which stressed her right out...
SHE GRUNTS

..to get her injection.

Hurry up! Then back home

for the daily character
assassination.

You slump like Granny Rose.

She ended up with a hunchback.

Do you remember that big hump
you used to hang your hats on?

And what's she got to relieve her?

Not any more.

No wonder she keeps having tantrums.

I suppose she'll just have to
have another f*cking crumpet.

Well, a crumpet sounds lovely to me.

I've not had a carb in six years.

No wonder she's always pissed off.

Look, Lin, I know it's hard,

but we can't be feeling
sorry for ourselves, can we? OK?

The longer you keep a clean slate,

the more leverage we'll have to get
you rehoused in the future.

Right, I best be off.

I'll be back next week. And, erm,

as interesting as it is to hear
about everybody's colourful lives,

I'd like to keep the focus
on Lin, please, OK?

All right. Yeah.
I'll see myself out.

Bye! Thank you.
Thank you very much. Bye. Bye.

DOOR CLOSES

She needs to eat a f*cking potato,
her.

SHE CHUCKLES

Yeah.

I can't wait.

A national tour, Leanne. Woo!

Look out, Hull, Scunthorpe,
Margate - here I come.

Who the bloody hell do you think
you are, Coyote Ugly?

Get down off me furniture!
Eh, I bought a few bits.

Ooh, get your bits out.

These are my "I'm a star"
sunglasses. You know,

for when I'm dealing with
the paparazzi.

I think you need to
manage your expectations, babe.

I've got some news of my own,
actually. Oh, yeah?

Chris has asked me
to move in with him. No way.

How are you going to shake that off?
Well, I think I'm going to do it.

You're going to move in with him?
You've only just met him.

Well, I think it's serious.
How could you do this to me, Leanne?

Well, I'm not doing
this to you, am I?

We're just ready to take
the next step. Oh, my God!

You'll be picking furniture,
talking about kitchens.

You'll be having a baby next!

Oh, my God. You'll be inviting me
to the baby shower!

Here we go. There'll be no gin.

I'll have to bring my own booze

and talk to your new mum mates
about the primal power of

water births and how they think
their child is a genius. Oh, God.

I feel sick, I need to lie down.

Oh!

Goodbye, my wild friend,

I'll see you in your late-40s.

Don't be ridiculous, Alma!

I would never have a baby shower
without booze.

Anyway, you're the one leaving to
pursue your dreams.

You're finally getting out of here.

That's true. I am, aren't I? Yes.

I don't have time for self-pity,

I'm too busy, becoming a star.

Woo!

Star or not, get off me floor!

Oh, shut up, Bill.
f*ck you, Leanne.

How could you?
How could you do it?!

How could you do such an evil
thing?! You disgust me!

Now, that were beltin', wasn't it?

Me bloody top. You all right,
Lesley? Look, it's all stretched.

But she really felt it, didn't she?

I did! Yeah, so did my top.

That's why she got into t'theatre
company and you lot didn't.

Me mam got me this
and everything, it was new.

Oh, shut up moaning, Lesley.
It's a minging top, anyway.

DOOR BANGS OPEN

SLURRING: I'm looking for me
daughter.

She's going to be a star!

Mum, what are you doing?

I've just come to tell you
that I'm OK with you abandoning me.

I'll be fine. I'm glad
you're following your dreams.

Yeah, no, that's all right.

That's great. I should've been...
Yeah. ..a star meself,

but it's not that easy for all of
us. Let's not go into that.

Not when your mum
tells the doctor... Oh, no.

..you're a loony-tune just after
you've given birth.

Don't need to go into that, I don't
think. I had postpartum. Yeah.

That's all it was! Yeah, probably.
Come on.

I thought Simon Le Bon

was talking to me
through the television. Yeah.

But who didn't? It was the '90s!
Yeah.

I still think he might have been.
I'm sure he was.

Have you taken anything, Mum?

No. No, I've just had a bit of gin.
I just needed it, Alma,

I needed to take the edge off.

OK. Yeah. Right, well, just,
you stay there.

Yeah. I'm going to get my stuff.

Yes. Just stay right there.
Right. Yeah.

Simon...Simon Le-bloody-Bon,

and his Boomtown Rat, Shakermaker.

Phew.

She's not in.

Right. Great. She's not in.

OK. Ready? Mm.

SHE BLOWS A RASPBERRY

Oh, you're going
the rogue route? Yeah.

Are you sure about that? Yeah.

Good, yeah. Very good.

I'd probably roll at this point.

Just give it a... Yeah.
Yeah.

Sorry, Alma.

It's all right, Mum.

But you can't do this again.

We need to stay on track.

You will get rehoused eventually,
Mum.

But if you relapse

and they find out,
you'll be screwed.

Well, don't leave me, then.

I can't do this without you, Alma.

I know, Mum. It's all right.

You just get some rest.

Mm. Hm.

Given Mum's current situation,

it's probably not the right time
to go gallivanting on tour.

But I'm not the first Nuttall woman
to put her dreams on hold.

Grandma did it. Where the
bloody hell do you think

you're going dressed like that,
Joanie? Mind your own.

MUSIC: Don't Bring Me Down
by the Pretty Things

♪ I'm on my own
Just wanna roam

♪ I tell you, man

♪ Don't want a home

♪ I wander round... ♪

We could hitchhike to Dover,
get a ferry

and travel through France. I want to
see the world. I want to

eat a croissant, ride a camel.

BABY SCREAMS AND CRIES

And so did my mum.

Oh, shut up! What do you know, eh?
What do you know?

Get out...and good riddance!

MUSIC: Stand Strong
by Vice Squad

♪ They'll tell you now
you're old enough... ♪

Oh, for God's sake,

what ARE you wearing?
Mind your own.

Don't you talk to me
like that, you little madam!

♪ So you'll always face
the ground... ♪

A scholarship to art college,

can you believe it? I'll be whizzing
round London, doing me art.

You're not going
to f*cking art college!

You need a proper job,
a proper career.

BABY SCREAMS AND CRIES

SCREAMING CONTINUES

Oh!

SHE SCOFFS

As if!

SHE MOANS

I think I'm allergic to
alcohol.

It's the sulphates.

Sulphates? You had six fishbowls.

This is an allergic reaction,
Anthony.

HE SNIGGERS

Oh!

I've got the appetite
of a truck driver

and the constitution
of a Victorian child.

SHE SIGHS

I think you should drink
fishbowls more often, me.

You were a right little nympho.
Was I? Mm. Oh!

THEY CHUCKLE

Fabulous! Oh, wow.

HE MUTTERS

My insides are vibrating -

that's not normal, that, is it?

Oh, will you just stop moaning?

Don't swish me, I'll be sick.

SHE MOANS AND CLEARS HER THROAT

I think you're right not to
go on this tour, though.

It'd be dead tight on your mum,
wouldn't it?

You're a cheeky f*ck, aren't you?

SCOFFING: What?!
I see right through you.

Nah, I just think it's time for us
to give it another go.

I'm not with Rachel any more...

..and, well, you're
not off gallivanting.

Hm. I want you back, Alma.
I need you.

I don't ever want to not have you.

Oh, God.

Do you think you can
die from a hangover?

Ooft!

TV: Now, the remaining chefs...

Well, I'm glad you're back.
Aw, ta, Trish!

I never liked Rachel anyway.

Yeah, you did, Mum.

You're full of sh*t, you.
No, I didn't,

I'm just a very well-mannered
person, me.

TRISH BURPS

Oh, you're a beast, is what you are.

How come you've never got
your own cigs?

Cos I've quit. f*ck's sake.

TV: One of the youngest chefs to
ever receive two Michelin stars.

TRISH BURPS

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

Six, seven and woo!

You went a bit fast there,
didn't you? Woohoo!

Watch Cheryl - I'm teacher,
watch me.

Here we go. One, and two, and three.
That's it.

You should've seen her, Leanne.

Pissed out of her head, she was.
So I've decided...

..I'm not going to go on the tour.

f*ck! You've got to go!

It's just...it's too much of a risk.
Pay attention, girls!

Have you seen her nostrils flare?

CHERYL CLEARS HER THROAT
That's it.

That's what we are here for,
isn't it?

Get those lovely tight, fit bodies,
girls.

PHONE BEEPS

Oh!

Who you texting?

Erm, just smear results.

All clear, so, just...

Anthony?

You've got to be f*cking kidding me!

He's not that bad.

He's a narcissistic predator.

That's not all he is.

He's actually very
charismatic and charming.

So was Ted Bundy.

Have you got any oat milk?

Eh?

What's with the plastic cups?

He's not allowed to touch
pottery now, only plastic things.

Right. Tea's ready.

OK, let's do this.

BOTH: One, two, three

and pass.

Two, three. Fantastic, Jim.
Well done.

We find the counting really
helps him keep a steady hand.

There you go.

So, how have you been?

Bored! I've done f*ck all
since the last time you came round.

Have you done
anything about me housing yet?

As I've explained before, Lin,

this will take time.

So, the board are really
supportive of you being

independent at some point.

SHE SCOFFS

They just need to
monitor your wellbeing

and your progress for a little
longer.

What else do they need to
f*cking monitor?

I'm poked, prodded
and plucked every f*cking day!

Oh, do you know, the melodrama of my
daughter is f*cking suffocating me!

Me? You!
You've always been a drama queen!

H-How dare you! I'm a wallflower!

Oh, yeah, 'course you are.
My mother, the wallflower.

I know what you're about to say,
and don't you start!

OK? I did the best
I could with the hand I was dealt.

f*ck this! I've had enough! Oh, God!

Mum! Where are you going?

I need to get out of here for a bit,
I feel hemmed in.

Everything OK over there?

Yes, fine, thank you, Sandra.

She's a nosy f*cking b*tch.

Excuse me?
It's horrible round here.

f*cking Sandra poking her
nose in every five seconds.

And everybody with the same f*cking
flower beds, one after the other,

because heaven forbid
you might mix it up a bit

and try summat different.

Like a bunch of f*cking
fascists, this lot.

And, yes, that includes you, Sandra!

Same day, every day...

BING-BING-BING.

"Ooh, there's my little alarm again.

"I better get me little socks
on me little feet

"and go downstairs, AGAIN."

"Hello, Julie."
"Oh, hello, Sandra.

"Fancy a cup of tea, Sandra?"

"Oh, go on then, Julie."

"Hang the washing up, Sandra."

"Do the pots, Julie."

"Eh, it's 8pm."

"Nearly time for bed, Julie."

"Oh, thank f*ck for that, Sandra."

"Yes, what a relief.

"The day is nearly f*cking over.

"Only two hours

"and 40 f*cking years to go!"

Oh!

Oh!

DOG BARKS

And you're telling me
she's on the mend?

Do I need to call the police,
ladies?

BOTH: f*ck off, Sandra.

Sue.

Do you know where my mum is?

Tea Towel Tracy's.
Right.

Who's that?
Tracy.

One hand.

Wears a tea towel over her stump.

Sells smack on the side.

Lovely.

This one.

Hello, Tracy, can I speak to...?

Charming.

Mum, it's time to go.

I'm not coming back, Alma.

Please, Mum?

You've been doing really well
recently.

We're all here to support you.

Don't give up now.

Two days.
Just give me two days, Alma.

If you don't come back now,
they're going to report you.

I'm...I'm just blowing off a bit of
steam, Alma.

You can't be doing drugs, Mum,
you know that.

It's Friday night.

Everybody blows off a bit of steam
on Friday night.

Crack and smack are not normal ways
to blow off steam, Mum.

We all have our vices, Alma.

You drink too much red wine.

I've never locked
myself in a bathroom

and screamed at the walls
on red wine, Mum.

Not yet.

I'll be back in a couple of days.

No, Mum.

Either you come back now...

..or me and Grandma are going home

and this whole attempt to get you
better will have failed.

I'm not prepared to help
at the expense of mine

and Grandma's safety and sanity.

You've got to do your bit as well.

I'll give you five seconds.

Mum?

Come on, love.

Let's go home, eh?

SHE WHIMPERS

♪ Poetry is no place for a heart
that's a wh*re

♪ And I'm young and I'm strong

♪ But I feel old and tired

♪ Overfired

♪ And I've been poked and stoked

♪ It's all smoke
There's no more fire

♪ Only desire

♪ For you, whoever you are

♪ For you, whoever you are... ♪

She's f*cked it, hasn't she?

Yeah.

SHE SIGHS

We came so close.

Everything was there.

A whole team of professionals
committed to getting her well.

I know.

It's exhausting.

Well, I've been telling
you that for years.

All right, Grandma.
It's not an "I told you so" moment.

As soon as she was born,
I knew something was wrong with her.

I had that dream just days before.
Yes.

The one about the slug.
The one where the...

Yeah. Yeah. You gave birth
to a giant, evil slug.

I know.
It was a message, that dream, Alma.

I just knew.

From...From the moment
she arrived,

I knew everything was going
to be terrifying.

And it was.

Mm.

Do you know, when someone dies,
you can go and put flowers

on their grave and cry and wail
and everybody gets it.

You know, people send you
commiseration cards and you have

anniversaries and self-contained
spaces for your grief.

But with someone like Mum,
nobody gets it.

Not even me.

How do you grieve
for the living dead?

I never wanted to be a mother.

I never felt maternal.

I never liked babies.

I wasn't interested in children.

Motherhood just happened to me.

I'd have suited being a man
much better.

Think you're probably right.

I wish I could've been...

..better at it.

Kinder...

..to you both.

If I'd been in a different
place...

If I'd been able to love more...

SHE SOBS

If I'd have had...

You did your best, Grandma.

SHE SNIFFLES

I want you to get out of this
horrible f*cking nightmare.

This hangover of poverty and trauma
that's lingered through

the generations of women
in our family...

..and taken our dreams from us...

..I want you to be the one
that breaks free, Alma.

No f*cking pressure then, eh?

THEY CHUCKLE

♪ You bloody m*therf*cking as*h*le

♪ Oh, you bloody
m*therf*cking as*h*le

♪ Oh, you bloody
m*therf*cking as*h*le

♪ Oh, you bloody
m*therf*cking as*h*le

♪ Oh, you bloody
m*therf*cking as*h*le... ♪

KNOCK AT DOOR

You ready?
Yeah.

Hello, come in.

Take a seat.

Do you want a drink?
Yeah, ta.

Leanne.

What, you got the day off?
Yeah.

Right. So, I've decided -

I'm going to go on the tour,
Anthony.

You what? Why?

I thought...I thought we spoke
about this.

You weren't going to go cos of your
mum and stuff. Mm, yes, I know.

You did put in
quite a good campaign,

but then I was just thinking
to myself,

you know, this bargain-basement
offer of love you proposed me...

..I've decided - I don't think
it's good enough.

Oh, right!

You have, have you? Right, OK.
Yeah, I have.

I mean, I know you've really tried
recently to be lovely,

and you have been quite lovely.
Hasn't he?

Hm, maybe not.

And you did almost make me forget
what a f*cking c**t-bag you can be.

Right. OK. Really?

Right. So what I decided to do,
is just write down a list, didn't I,

of just a few examples?
Yeah, she did.

This is her doing, is it?
No, I can write for myself.

Can you? Yeah.
Yeah, right, so if...

Can I...? This is...this
is f*cking baffling, this.

I mean, lists, security on't door.

If you want to dump me, Alma,
just do it in a normal way.

I'm not normal, though, am I?

Number one, you shagged my old
best mate behind my back.

I was just being friendly.

We got a bit carried away.

A bit too friendly.

Number two, you gave me chlamydia
five times.

I practically had a VIP pass
to the clap clinic.

Yeah, we spoke about that.
I apologised.

Number three.

When we first broke up,
you posted naked pictures of me

all over the internet.

Come on, that were funny, though.
It got a big woof, that.

No, it was humiliating,
and it was abuse.

That's a bit dramatic.

And then you sent a video of us
having sex to Leanne's Mum.

Yeah, I was pissed off at the time.

Come on, we've all acted
out of anger.

My mum wants to rip your
f*cking c*ck off.

Oh, right, ta.
She sounds delightful.

I mean, I can't believe I went back
when I'm looking at this list,

to be honest.
What number am I on now? f*ck knows.

You smashed up nearly
every phone I've ever had.

You've pulled out my hair.

SIT THE f*ck DOWN!

You dumped me and knocked up
a teenage girl,

and then you dumped her.

You've told me every single day,
in one way or another,

that I'm mad, ugly and unlovable.

Do you know what?

I don't want to get stuck here
with you. Yeah, all right, fine.

You don't want to go out with me,
fine.

Yeah, I know what I am.

Right? I've tried.

I-I've really tried not to be
a c**t.

But I am one.

I know.

Can I go now?
Yeah.

And I suggest you go back to the
mother of your child

and provide them with the
love and support that they deserve.

Noted.

Yeah, and don't come back.

DOOR SHUTS

Woo! I did it.

I've done it.

I did the whole list and he's gone.

I'm free!
You're free!

Yes!

♪ Uptight downtown

♪ All the blue lights fighting
with the crowds

♪ And now I know the temperature
is rising

♪ Is rising... ♪

I'm going on tour.

♪ Uptight downtown

♪ All the blue lights fighting
with the crowds

♪ And now I know the temperature
is rising

♪ Is rising

♪ The streets are lined with people

♪ With nothing left to
lose, lose, lose

♪ When did all these people

♪ Decide to change their shoes,
shoes, shoes...? ♪