Passionate Plumber, The (1932)

[bunniefuu]

Attendez.

Oui, mais fais vite hein, bon Dieu!

Bonjour, monsieur!

Bonjour.

Bonjour.

Bonjour, monsieur.

Bonjour, monsieur.

L'ouvrier est dedans.

Dedans?

Oui, dedans.

Dedans?

Pour la troisième fois,

je vous dit dedans!

Pouvez-vous réparer

des tuyaux?

Pouvez-vous réparer

des tuyaux?

Che, non capisci niente!

Say, what do you understand?

English.

Why didn't you say so?

Couldn't you see

I was an american?

No.

Then what do I look like?

Will you tell me that?

I can't remember.

Say, McCracken's the name.

McCracken.

Julius J. McCracken.

- What's the J for?

- Uh, Julius.

Tuttle.

Elmer E. Tuttle.

What's the E for?

Elmer.

Say, where are you from?

Yonkers.

Boy, could I make a crack?

Hey, d' you know

anything about firearms?

Sure, I was shot three times in the...

Well, look.

I've got an invention.

It's my own invention, see.

It's a spot-shot p*stol.

You squeeze the handle

and throws a spot out

so you can see what

you're sh**ting at night.

Gee, that's miraculous.

Miraculous.

I'm gonna demonstrate it,

if I can to General Bouschay

and maybe

the French army will adopt it.

Marvelous!

Say, it'll be makings of ya.

It'll be the greatest invention

since Einstein discovered

them relatives.

You think so?

Sure!

Say, I've got an invention.

What is it?

Putting zippers on bananas.

Is that good or

is that good?

Did you have any reason

for coming here?

Gee, I almost forgot

what I came here for.

Mademoiselle wants her pipes fixed.

Does she got a leak?

Yeah, in her bathroom.

Bathrooms,

always bathrooms.

I see the darn things

in my sleep.

If I ever

get a chance to...

Albine, Albine!

Quick, quick Albine!

Oh, Miss Patricia!

What's the matter?

Lock the door,

don't let anybody in.

Alright.

Now, Miss Patricia,

what's the trouble?

Oh, it's the same

old trouble.

Tony's following me.

- Mister Tony, here in Paris?

- Yes.

He saw me at...

He followed me out

and I jumped into a cab.

Oh, but I know

he'll follow me here.

You put that man

out of your mind.

He should be better off.

Oh, don't talk like

a silly goose.

If I could forget Tony

I would've done it long ago.

Well, I suppose there's

only one thing to do.

Start packing up and

running away again.

He's followed me!

Besides, why should I

run away when I love him?

- But he's a married man!

- Oh, he's not very much married.

He hasn't lived with

Nina Estrados for years.

But she won't

give him a divorce.

He's so lonely.

Why shouldn't he love?

There you see, Albine.

Instead of fighting against him

I'm actually defending him.

Oh, it's no use.

Well, there's only one way

to get rid of that Frenchman.

Start running around

with another man!

But I don't want another man!

I don't want any man.

It's Tony! Let him in!

No, no, don't let him in.

Tell him I'm not here!

The specialist is here.

Oh, it's you!

It's alright, Miss Patricia.

It's nobody.

She means you.

Wait here a minute.

That's her!

That's Albine.

What a mama!

And does she palpitate for me!

- You mean she likes you?

- Likes me?

Her and I are like that!

Which one is you?

Listen, pal.

I know how to handle

a female of my species.

Dominate 'em.

And listen,

I've got a voice in things around here,

I've got a voice in things.

Honey...

- Don't you honey me.

You lost your voice.

What do you mean by

coming here at this hour?

And with this!

Sweet, this is Mr. Tattle.

Tuttle.

You're right.

You see, babe...

- Oh, shut up.

Great kidder.

I suppose you

forgot your tools.

No, I brought 'em.

Well, I want the shower fixed up

in Miss Patricia's bathroom.

Oh, where do I

turn the water off?

In the kitchen. Go and

turn it off, Mack.

Wait a minute.

And turn it back on again

when I give you a signal

from up above like this.

Say!

I sent for a plumber,

not a house wrecker!

C'mon, Mr. Tittle.

Tuttle.

Well, hurry up!

C'mon in here,

I wanna show you

what has to be fixed.

It's this shower up here.

It's been a nuisance

ever since we have...

Say.

Not so much noise, Mr. Tattle.

- Tuttle.

- Alright, Mr. Tattle.

Now, the thing...

I've never used it myself...

So you're that kind

of a guy, are ya?

Well, now you can put

your mind on your business.

This is the thing that

has to be fixed up here.

C'mon, get busy

with that shower up there.

Albine!

Yes?

I'll be right there.

What's the matter now?

It's Tony, I'm sure.

I'll hide in here.

Tell him I've got away

for the weekend.

But what I tell him you've gone?

Barcelona, anywhere,

but coming, hurry up!

Alright, it's Barcelona.

Patricia!

Patricia!

Mr. Tony,

Miss Patricia isn't here!

Oh, away from me,

away from me.

Patricia, Patricia!

You shouldn't act that way...

Patricia!

I'll tell you where she is.

Why don't you ask me, please?

She is...

Patricia!

She isn't here, Mr. Tony!

I'm telling you, she isn't here!

Honestly, Mr. Tony,

Miss Patricia ain't here.

I wouldn't lie to you.

She's in Barcelona.

You little fool!

I saw her with my own eyes

not thirty minutes ago at...

And wearing that coat there!

Oh, I wouldn't fib to you...

Patricia!

How, Patricia?

Why did you run away from me?

I...

I ran away because

I never wanted to see you again.

But why?

You were very happy

with me at Monte Carlo.

Yes, I was happy.

Until you told me

you were married.

Did you blame me

for telling the truth?

No.

But I blame you

for not telling it sooner.

Oh, must we go all over

there again, Patricia?

What is marriage

to do with love anyway?

You love me and I...

- No, not any longer.

You think all you have to do is whistle and I'll come to you.

I want you, Patricia.

And I'm going to have you.

- No, no, no. Not here, Tony.

I love you.

Why fight against something you can't resist?

Oh, Patricia, darling, please...

- No, no, Tony, let me go.

You couldn't be true

to anyone, Tony.

No, no, no I won't be a fool again. Now, go away Tony, please go.

So that's why

you ran away from me.

You have a lover!

- Oh, no, Tony, that's not true.

Then who's the man

at that bathroom of yours?

- I...don't know.

- I'll soon find out.

Come out of there!

Come out of there

or I'll sh**t!

Who are you?

Answer me.

Say something!

How've you been?

Who is this man?

- Tony, I swear I never saw him before.

I'll have satisfaction

for this insult.

My seconds

will arrange the details.

-What details?

- Oh, no, Tony, not a duel.

I'll k*ll this libertine.

This low thief.

This unspeakable foreigner!

Don't you call me a foreigner!

It's alright pal,

keep your attitude.

Let's make it some other time.

You can't leave now, it ain't...

Good morning, gents.

Fine weather

for this kind of stuff.

Fine weather.

Le monsieur Roger,

docteur Renard,

et I am monsieur Robert

de la Gaspard.

Glad to meet ya, boys.

Glad to meet ya.

This is Mr. Elmer Turtle.

Tuttle.

This is the gentleman

who is to be shot.

What is your choice of weapons?

Monsieur Lagorce prefer swords.

My specimen prefers, uh... pistols.

Anything!

Swords, pistols... I don't care.

I'll k*ll him anyway.

What's the difference? Swords...

Satisfy both sides.

Let him have a sword

and I'll use a p*stol.

- I can't sell 'em the idea.

- Go back.

Have it your way.

Pistols.

You better try out the old spot-shot,

see if it's working right.

You stupid idiot.

You've ruined my hat!

So far, so good.

You got 'em in a frenzy!

Nice work, boy,

nice work.

Now, gentlemen.

If you take off your things,

we will proceed with the duel.

Have I gotta undress?

- Sure!

It's an old Latin custom (?)

from pulling a post.

Please, gentlemen.

Let's proceed with the duel!

Pipe down, pipe down.

Who's getting shot here?

Scram!

Proceed.

- Now I'll tell you what we're going to do.

- Proceed!

You see now,

you've got 'em raffled.

You've got 'em gone.

Don't worry about nothing.

Hey, listen. Just think.

All this happened on my day off.

What a break, what a break.

Remember, I hate this mug

and I gotta have revenge.

Go ahead, pal.

Be hostile with him

Alors, vous aviez compris

les intructions?

Allez-y... mais no!

Voilà, votre pistolet...

Et avec ça, vous comprenez?

Monsieur Gilbert,

je vous en prie...

Écoutez mes amies, alors.

Dos à dos, en arrière.

En arrière, dos à dos.

Dix pas de distance.

Comprenez?

Partez!

That's two of (?) two of (?)

Just keep your attitude,

just keep your attitude!

Restez calme.

Comprenez?

Là-bas!

Compris?

Alors, deux à deux.

If you don't do this thing

right this time,

I'll k*ll you twice!

Partez!

Tony, Tony!

Tony, my Tony!

Oh, Tony, you're hurt!

Tony, darling, speak to me please.

I'm alright, my dear Patricia.

You thought you had lost me!

And you grieved for me.

You love me, now I know.

Don't be so sure of yourself.

You m*rder*r!

Oh, you poor fellow.

Oh, to think

I'm responsible for this.

So young.

You have such a kind face.

You're so young to die.

Tell me, are you hurt badly?

No, ma'am.

Nina.

Tony, my Tony!

Estoy tan contenta de verte.

Oh, soy tan feliz, Tony.

¿Por qué me has hecho

esperar tanto tiempo, Tony?

Oh, estoy loca por ti,

me haces esperar tanto tiempo.

At last you have come.

You know for two days

I've waited for you?

Well, you see Nina, my darling,

I've been away on a...

On business.

- Love business?

- Oh, no, Nina, darling.

Oh, no, maybe you've been meeting with your wife Patricia Jardine, uh?

No, how silly...

Oh, if I did not believe this

I could hurt, k*ll you!

Estoy loca por ti, Tony.

Quiero decirte tantas cosas

Estoy loca, loca, loca por ti.

Oh, Tony, if you could only

speak Spanish.

Then you will know

what I feel for you.

Tony.

When will you marry me?

How can I tell?

You see,

Patricia will not divorce me.

You must find a way.

She must give you up.

Yes, darling, you see, I...

That's alright...

- Oh, Tony.

And when we meet in Lisbon

and we fall so much in love

with each other

Did you not say to me

"Nina, I love you madly,

I'm crazy about you."

- Yes, dear.

"I'm going to divorce my wife and marry you as soon as possible."

¿Viste? You forget, no?

- No, no, darling, of course not. But you see,

You see, Patricia will not divorce me.

- Oh, you can, no?

So, for two days (?)

do not come here.

You have been

with that woman you have!

I feel it, I feel it!

Sinvergüenza!

I know, I know

you're happy with her!

¡Perro, te voy a matar!

Martita! Martita!

Martita!

- Madame, I am coming.

¡Cerdo!

¡Te voy a matar!

¡A los perros te voy a echar!

Oh, if you could only

speak Spanish!

If you could only speak Spanish!

Nina...

Nina, this is quite enough.

I shall go.

¿Vas a irte?

Tony!

Can't you see how much I love you?

Look.

There comes the boss.

- You better wait, Joseph.

- Yes, Madame.

Gee, I bet all the men are crazy about her.

Listen, the (?) is full of guys

she mainly smiles at.

She's the kind of a girl

I've always dreamed of.

Gee, if I had money...

- Well,

sell the old spot-shot pattern

to General Bouschay

and we're in the money!

She likes the guy that does things!

You think I could ever be worth?

Oh, she likes that Tony La...

- Lagorce?

Say, he's no bargain.

That guy's the more chiseler than Roldan.

Oh, who's Roldan?

The chiseler!

Ah, monsieur.

Bonsoir, General Bouschay.

- Bonsoir.

There 'e is, there 'e is!

My old buddy, General Bouschay!

General!

Voilà monsieur.

Qu'est-ce qu'il vient?

Would you be interested

in an invention?

Je ne sais pas.

It's...it's a g*n.

A g*n.

Je ne vous comprends pas.

I invented it myself.

It throws out a spot light and...

and it throws out a spot...

I'll show it to you.

Listen,

If you live to be a thousand years old never pull a g*n around here.

I merely wanted to show it

to General Bouschay!

I had to show it to 'im, don't I?

You are begging for the Bastille!

Nothing gets on the nose of the

casino cop like a guy with a g*n.

Why?

You see, every now and then some guy goes broke gambling

thing goes up and to God

and commits suicide.

That hurts business and costs

the casino a lot of dough.

- To bury him?

- No!

The first thing that casino cops do

when they find a guy

who's bumped himself off

is to shove a bankroll

in his pocket.

Oh, to clear their conscience?

No, they want people

to think that the guy

didn't k*ll himself because he went broke gambling, do ya get it?

Oh, I see.

That's why those guards ran out.

- Yeah, yeah.

You think they're going back?

Yeah, it's okay now.

I'm going in and

see General Bouschay.

Go ahead, pal.

Qu'est-ce qui vous voulez?

Vous ne pas entrez ici!

- Eh bien, eh bien. Pardon.

I'm calling on General Crochet.

Oh, monsieur cannot enter here

in a business suit.

I'm here on business.

- Oh, I'm very sorry

but monsieur cannot enter

without evening clothes.

But it's very...! Listen...

I'll be right back, I'll just...

Vous voulez entrer ici? Allez!

Oh, monsieur!

Merci.

Oh, pas de quoi, monsieur.

Pas de quoi.

Eh, cochon!

They wouldn't let me in

without a full dress suit.

There you are!

Class distinction.

Why, you think we're

a couple of French peasants?

Tilling the soil.

Don't I always (?)

when they play the "Mayonnaise"?

How much it cost to

rent a full dress suit?

Too much.

- I've got an idea.

- What is it?

- Run, Mack, run.

- You telling me?

Place this in his pocket, will you?

There.

It's a shame to waste

such good money!

Ah, it is better than another scandal in the newspaper. Hurry!

A mastermind! A mastermind!

You're a genius,

there ain't no other word for it!

Tony!

- Nina!

- Tony!

Go, Nina.

I...I didn't know you were here.

Then you don't want me?

If there's someone else around here...

- Oh, no, no, no, Nina.

You see, I...

You have made me very happy, I...

I'm overcome with joy!

Tony, I have but one moment

before the theater

and they told me you were here.

Querido, I want to talk to you.

Let's go into the lounge!

- Oh, no, darling, no, you see...

You see, it's too warm in there, I...

I think it's much cooler over here.

Do you mind?

- Hmm, no.

Bueno.

Please, let me stay,

just please just one moment...

Now, listen, darling. Listen, darling

Please, let me stay,

just please just one moment...

Now, listen, darling. Listen, darling

I shall come to the theater immediately after the performance, I swear.

Oh, you swear it.

Tony! You are deceiving me!

I see it in your eyes!

¡Sinvergüenza, perro, te voy a matar!

¡Sinvergüenza!

¡Te voy a matar!

¡Déjame tranquila!

¡Déjame esto tranquilo!

Patricia!

Oh, Patricia, dear.

- For an ardent lover, you're already late.

Where've you been?

If I told you, that would mean

another argument.

- Involving another woman.

- No, Patricia. I swear it.

There never could be

anyone like you in my heart.

Oh, leave your guitar of a heart.

I'm dancing no longer.

Oh, Patricia.

In the name of our exquisite hours..

- Oh, let's not talk about that.

Our exquisite hours have brought

nothing but exquisite pain.

No, no, Tony, I mean it.

Now, please leave me.

Oh, Patricia.

You're forever blowing hot

and cold but you'll change again.

You always do.

- I have changed.

Permanently.

Yesterday you accused me

of having a lover.

Oh, I'm very sorry.

I was silly to say such a thing.

- No, you weren't.

There is another man.

You? Another man?

Does that touch your fragility?

Don't you consider the possibility

of another man

taking an interest in me?

- Cut this joke short, please!

- I'm not joking.

This is a very one of a place.

I'm sure you're going to enjoy it.

Is this one or two people?

Pardon.

Tell me. Who is this lover?

Invent his name, if you can.

There you are, darling!

Where've you been?

Oh, I've been worried about you.

You little rascal.

So it is that insect after all.

Oh, why didn't I k*ll you?

Must've been an oversight.

Patricia.

It is for your sake that

I restrain myself at this moment.

I shall see you

at your apartment tonight.

Oh, it will be quite useless

I assure you.

Come along, darling.

Oh, I'm so happy darling.

Aren't you?

Yes, I can read it in your face.

That calmness, that tranquility.

That serene expression that tells me

of a love that is real and secure.

Oh, it's so good to be near you.

To be forever imprisoned

in your arms.

I...

No.

Love's sweetest meanings

aren't spoken.

Just think,

in a few days

we'll belong to each other

forever.

Uh, thanks!

Sweetheart!

It was nice of you to do that.

Well, that's alright.

What's your favorite game?

Guinea hen, broiled.

Shall we play Baccarat?

- You think it's proper?

- Oh, yes, it's alright.

Thank you, monsieur.

Oh, mon Dieu.

Mais excusez, c'est ne pas à vous.

C'est vous, alors!

Tuttle.

Would you...would you like to play with me?

Uh?

Banco.

Bank is yours, mademoiselle.

Baccarat.

Back of what?

You're unlucky tonight.

Oh, no, I'm not.

You owe me 2 000 francs.

For what?

You have lost, monsieur.

You must pay

mademoiselle 2 000 francs.

But I haven't got 2 000 francs.

- Mademoiselle Patricia!

- General Bouschay!

General Bouschay!

I've been looking all...

It's Joseph!

You can't come in here!

What do you mean?

You can't come in here like that!

So it's you again.

Who've you been trying

to assassinate now?

Mademoiselle, this is the man.

The thief who stole the car

from under this very nose!

I might've known it.

Where is my car?

- There is no car!

It's smashed, wrecked!

- Is what he says true?

- Oh, I didn't know it was yours.

Gee, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to steal it.

- Liar, thief!

- You may go, Joseph.

Well, you look ill!

Are you hurt?

Well, I won't know

until I take my clothes off.

Probably only a few minor fractions.

You wrecked my beautiful car.

That cost 150 000 francs!

What are you going

to do about that?

I'll do anything you want me to.

Very well. Sit down.

Now you write me

a check for 150 000 francs.

- Whose name will I sign?

- Well, your own of course.

It won't do any good.

I haven't a sue in the world.

Are you listening to me?

You wrecked my car and you're going

to pay for it. Do you understand that?

Oh, I understand that

but I don't understand how.

Maybe I give you back

a little at a time.

Say two francs a week.

That'll take exactly 1 443 years,

and I don't care to wait that long.

Well, some weeks

I can give you three francs.

Wait a minute,

wait a minute!

Don't get personal.

You wanna make

something out of it?

When it comes to hot looks

you're no bowl of cherries.

And look at them ears.

If you had a propeller

you'd be a monoplane.

And he kicks my smeller.

And say, it's faces like yours

that makes parents quit trying.

What were you two fellas

quarreling about?

Oh, he makes a crack

about my schnozzle.

I don't mind

a good clean dirty dig.

I can take it. I can take it.

But no mug is gonna

call me an anteater.

Did he call you that?

Sure he did!

And did I ferment?

- Ah, what's the difference?

You still have those pretty eyes.

Don't look at me like that,

will you baby?

I can't take it.

I can't take it!

Have you ever been in jail?

Once.

What for?

To see my father.

Say, if your pipes ever freeze

or you need your shower fixed

I'll do it for nothing!

Is there something

I could do for you?

Yes, there is.

You look like a man

who can be depended upon.

If you made a promise

you'll go through it, wouldn't you?

Well, this is what

I want you to do for me.

I want you to stay between

me and Tony Lagorce.

I want you to act as my lover.

Oh, I couldn't charge for that!

- Oh, you don't understand.

Not an actual lover

just a pretense, a make-believe.

I know it sounds foolish but

it's the only way you can help me.

I love this man.

I'll always love him.

But he's married.

You see what a terrible position

that puts me in?

I always want to be near him and

always I have to keep running away.

Oh, I can't go on like this.

Besides there's aunt Charlotte.

If she knew that

I was in love with a married man,

she'll make my life miserable.

- Wait a minute! Please, wait a minute!

- What do you mean?

- I only asked if you're going upstairs.

- Certainly I'm going upstairs.

Well, if you told him just that, don't you think he'll go away?

No, no he wouldn't.

I know the kind of man he is.

Oh, but I love him.

I despise him.

I despise myself for loving him!

Oh, I’m at my wit’s end!

I don't know what to do,

which way do I turn?

And unless you help me...

- Oh, I'll help you.

But I don't know exactly

what you want me to do!

Well, I'll tell you just

what I want you to do.

I want you to stay

between me and Tony Lagorce.

If I try to go with him, hold me

back. Use force if necessary.

Oh, I couldn't do that.

I might hurt you.

- Oh, but you must!

How dare you question me!

I thought I saved you a trip.

Miss Patricia ain't at home.

- You tell me this lie?

You'd restrain me?

It is with difficulty that I'm calm!

With difficulty!

Don't get steamed up pal,

don't get steamed up!

What do you think I am?

Well, whatever you are

you're the only one of its kind.

Wait a minute, you can't go upstairs!

She ain't at home!

You can't pull my nose!

I won’t stand for it, see!

I'm boiled enough!

I'm boiled enough, get me?

You can't do that again!

You can't...

By golly, he did it!

Now, whenever he's around

I want you to hold me in your arms

to hug me, and kiss me.

- Kiss you?

- Yes.

Well, I'll try.

When do I start?

Right now.

It's Tony. Hide in there.

I'll be alright now,

now that I know you're here.

And don't come out

until I need you.

- How I'll know when you need me?

- Oh, you'll know, all right! Now, hurry up.

Patricia!

Patricia, why do you do this?

Why did you try to avoid me?

- Tony, darling, it's very late!

What's the difference?

That man with you tonight,

I could've k*lled him.

But I didn't.

But the next time I see him,

I will correct that mistake.

- Tony, you're talking about my fiance.

Oh, Patricia,

stop this foolishness.

You can't look me in the eyes

and say that you love that man.

Tony, will you please

leave me alone?

Patricia, I...

I'm going away tomorrow.

Tony, darling,

you're not going to leave me.

That's for you to decide.

Will you go with me?

No.

Then you'll never see me again.

Tony, I'll go with you.

I knew you would, Patricia.

We must leave tonight!

- Tonight?

B-but I can't do that, Tony.

You'll have to wait.

Oh, wait, wait.

That's all I hear from you is wait.

Now?

No, not now!

- Not now?

Then it will never be!

I am tired of this nonsense.

I am going out of your life forever.

- Oh, Tony.

Tony, I'll go with you, darling.

Oh, Patricia.

I knew you would say that.

Patricia!

You sent for me.

I came as fast as I could.

How's that?

Well, it's alright but not now!

Oh, you're happy.

You're happy,

I can see it in your face.

Patricia! What...

What is it?

- The tranquility, that serene expression...

But, Patricia this is nonsense!

How am I doing?

- You've done enough!

Elmer, will you please let me?

Love's sweetest meanings

aren't spoken.

Aren't spoken...

This is the end!

My hat.

Where is my hat?

You?

You wear my hat?

You unspeakable foreigner.

I'm finished!

I've had enough of this!

Oh, Tony!

Tony, wait, I'll go with you!

- I'm finished! I'm through!

- You're nuts!

Oh, you beast! You brute!

Do you know what you've done?

I could choke you!

What's the matter?

Didn't I do it good?

Why did you do those things?

Well, you told me to come

between you and him!

Well, do you have to kiss me

every time I turn around?

Well, that's the way

I'm paying you off.

You told me to kiss you.

- Well, I didn't tell you to kiss me in public.

You only want me

to kiss you when we're alone?

Yes. No!

I don't want you

to kiss me at all! Stupid.

What time do you want me to come to work in the morning?

I don't care. Go away.

I'm going to bed.

Tony!

Tony. Tony, wait.

Wait for me.

I'll go with you anywhere.

Are we going someplace?

Albine.

Albine, it's been terrible.

Oh, my nerves are all

shot to pieces.

That man kept me a prisoner

in this room all night.

Three times I tried to escape

and each time he stopped me.

As this keeps up, I'll have to get a passport

to get into my own bathroom.

Oh, why don't you fire him?

I told him to go twice.

He won't.

In the middle of the night, I heard him telephone for his trunk.

He's moving in on me.

- Well, it's your own affair. You hired him.

- Yes, but I didn't marry him.

Oh, now we just got

to get rid of him somehow.

Supposing Aunt Charlotte came here

and found him, what could I tell her?

I don't know.

A Tuttle hanging around your bedroom

all night would be hard to explain.

Why don't you call the police?

And have a scandal

in all the newspapers?

Oh, I don't know what to do.

- There's only one thing to do.

- What?

sh**t him.

- Where are you going?

- To get a g*n.

Well, if it's too (?) better you get my breakfast. I'm nearly starved.

I'll get your breakfast and I'll get

that Turtle if it's the last thing I do.

- Sleep well?

- No, I didn't. And now, get out of here.

- I got you a nice breakfast.

- Well, take it away.

I'm on negligee!

Well, maybe if you eat this

you'll feel better.

Cream?

- No!

- Sugar?

- No!

Gee, you don't want anything, do you?

- No, I don't want anything from you.

Stop talking to me!

I'm sick of looking at you.

- Eggs?

- No!

You can do more damage

with one pair of hands

than any man I've ever saw.

Gee, no matter what I try to do

for you it turns out wrong.

Oh.

Oh, Elmer,

I didn't mean to be cross.

Now let's forget it.

Elmer,

there's something I want you

to do for me today.

- What?

- Take Fifi out for a walk!

- Your sister?

- Oh, no. Fifi's the dog! Look.

Fifi!

Small for its size!

You're not trying to get rid of me?

Elmer, what an idea.

Of course not.

Well, I'll just be out at the front

of the house if you need me.

What do I do with Fifi now?

Now listen,

you take Fifi across the street

and see that

she has a nice dinner.

Won't you join us?

Oh, no, thank you.

I'll be at the beauty parlor.

You call me when you're finished.

We'll go in with you so we all

could have dinner together.

No, no, you can't go in there.

Madame, may I use your telephone?

Elysées 302 46, s'il vous plaît.

Elmer Tuttle.

I thought I told you

to take Fifi across the street

and see that she has her dinner.

- We're gonna wait for you.

- Well, you'll have a long wait.

I'm gonna have a shampoo, and a manicure, and a wave...

A permanent wave!

- Well, that's alright. We've got nothing else to do.

- Oh, you make me tired.

Hello?

Elysées 302 46.

Tony?

Tony. Tony, I must see you.

Come to my house right away.

I'll be there in a minute.

He means nothing to me, darling.

I got rid of him.

Alright, darling.

Oh, Tony, darling.

I'm so sorry about

everything that happened.

Now you must tell me. Where've you

been and what've you been doing?

I think I'm entitled to ask

that question first.

Oh, Tony, darling.

Don't be cross with me.

We haven't had an opportunity

for a real chat in weeks.

And all you do is bark at me.

You've got to understand, Patricia,

that we're now in a different footing.

I didn't come back.

You sent for me.

If I stay, it will be on my own terms.

Very well, Tony.

I have no pride left.

You know, I...

I can't marry you.

I take it for granted

that you are willing

to make some other arrangements.

Tony, all I know is

that life isn't worth living

if we're not together.

You are mine now, Patricia.

Nobody can come between us.

Nobody can interfere.

So, you send him away, uh?

But not very far!

Tony! Now I'll tell you the truth.

Elmer was here calling on me,

and then when you came...

- Calling in his pajamas!

- But not his pajamas, in my pajam...!

So,

I wanna talk to you.

- Elmer!

Elmer, have you gone crazy?

What do you mean

coming here like this?

Why, I thought perhaps

you might want me again.

Want you again?

I've had enough of this.

Every time I come here

I find you in the bathroom.

Now, listen you little rat.

Tell me the truth.

What are you doing here?

Oh, I live here.

You made this your home?

You sleep here?

Elmer! Why did you say

things like that?

Well, don't you want him to know?

- At last, I'm beginning to understand.

- Oh, Tony, Tony, darling, you're all wrong.

Elmer.

Elmer!

Don't you see

what this means to me?

Now tell him the whole truth.

Tell him...

Tell him about everything.

- You mean about last night?

- Yes, tell him about the contract.

No.

Tell me.

Tell me about the contract.

Tell me!

- I can't!

- Oh, you can and you must!

I can't!

He's got his thumb in my windpipe.

Tony, don't you see

that you're choking him?

Elmer!

Elmer, please.

Please, tell him what I made

you promise me last night.

Alright.

She made me promise

to be near her always,

to hold her in my arms and to kiss her...

- Elmer!

- To kiss her and...!

- Oh, Tony!

So,

so we know the truth, at last!

- No, Tony, I can explain everything.

You made a fool of me

for the last time with your lies

and your running away.

And all the time

you've been in love with

with this insect!

This c*ck!

This turtle!

Tuttle.

Tony!

Tony, I'm going with you!

Get off me, you little fool!

I'm through!

I'm finished!

- You said that yesterday!

Pig!

Baboon!

Anteater!

You can't do that again!

He'll never forgive me!

I'll never see him again!

You!

You come here

and spoil everything.

Maybe someday, Patricia,

you may look back and

be kinda glad I was here.

Are you going to hang around here the rest of your life in my pajamas?

- Yes.

- Oh, you little beast.

Go and dress!

Albine.

Albine, get me a taxi.

Yes, Miss Patricia.

Now she wants a taxi cab.

Oh, she's always wanting something!

But answer me first, babe.

What am I to you?

- A pain in the neck.

You think that mortifies me, huh? You think that crushes me, huh?

No! It just spurs me on.

It just spurs me on.

Listen, you little beast. You know what I've done?

I've locked you in.

Do you hear?

Now, Mr. Elmer Tuttle.

What are you going to do

with your contract?

Now, listen to this.

I'll never want to see

your face again.

Do you understand that?

You thought you were

very clever, didn't you?

Well, interfere again if you can.

Do you know

what I'm going to do?

I'm going to Tony.

Now, directly.

In ten minutes I'll be with him!

And you won't be able to stop me.

Do you hear?

I'm going to him.

How did you get out

of that bathroom?

You'd be surprise what a little

talcum powder can do.

Well, I'm not interested.

I've got a taxi waiting.

Will you get away

from that door, please?

Do you mean to tell me you're going to keep me a prisoner in my own house?

Oh, get away!

For the last time,

will you get away?

I'll count to three!

- Alright.

- One, two, three.

That was perfect. Now see if

you can count it backwards.

- Oh, you miserable little wretch!

- I'm sorry to do this

but is in my contract.

- Well, is this in your contract!

Oh, Elmer.

Elmer!

Oh, Elmer. Did I hurt you?

Sit down, Elmer.

Wait, I'll get some cologne.

Oh, Elmer.

Now relax, I’ll rub this on it.

There.

Oh, Elmer, I didn't mean to hurt you.

You know that, don't you?

I struck without thinking...

I didn't realize my terrible strength.

There.

Now, does it feel better?

Are you sure?

What's going on in this house?

Where is Patricia?

- Why, Aunt Charlotte! I...

- Answer me, where is my niece?

Well, well, Aunt Charlotte!

I've never seen you looking better,

or better looking!

Let me have your hat and things!

- There's a man in my niece's room!

Now we're friends again,

aren't we Elmer?

Now may I go out?

No.

Alright.

Now get out of here.

I'm going to bed.

I can't trust you.

Alright.

I'm going to undress right now.

If you're a gentleman

you'll get out.

You've got that taxi waiting.

Alright.

If you have no respect for me,

I don't care.

Hey!

I can take off my own dress,

let me alone!

- You can't do that!

- I can! Don't you...

Will you please let me take off my own...

Elmer Tuttle, let me go!

Stop it!

Elmer! Listen!

Hey! You can't take her dress off.

- She's passing out.

- I'm gonna put her on the bed.

Did you ever heard the one about

the garbageman’s daughter?

who inherited a swell dump?

- I'm gonna find out...

- Aunt Charlotte!

What've you done to her?

- I didn't do anything.

Well, why is she this way?

- Well, we were just...

- Oh, this is no time to explain.

Miss Patricia,

he's got to get out of here.

Your Aunt Charlotte is here!

- Aunt Charlotte, here?

- Yes, here in this house!

And she's suspecting things.

She saw his shadow

on the bathroom sill.

Elmer, go on and hurry up

and get out.

Hurry up and go on, get out.

- It's too late, she's here.

Oh, Elmer. Go on, hurry up. No, you can't go that way, she'll see you.

Go here. No, don't go there. Go on...

No, Elmer, come back.

You mustn't go that way either.

- Madame, Miss Patricia is sleeping.

- Nonsense.

Patricia hasn't been in the bed

at 9 o'clock since she was a child.

Step aside.

There's a man in this house.

I saw his shadow.

And I'm going to find him.

But what would a man be doing

in Miss Patricia's bedroom?

That's what I'm going to find out.

Patricia!

She's asleep.

What is the matter

with her, doctor?

Well, it's something I'd rather

not discuss with the lady.

Just what I suspected.

It happened to her mother.

And at about the same age.

Well, lucky thing I came

when I did, doctor.

And you are here.

That's right.

Now, never mind dear. This all

will be over in a few minutes.

What will be over in a few minutes?

- The examination.

- Examination?

Well, certainly, I want the doctor

to go over you thoroughly.

- Well, I rather...

- You know, I've a presentiment

that there is something

wrong with this child.

Now, let me see.

- No.

Do it for Aunt Charlotte.

Please.

Just what I thought.

Just feel here, doctor.

- I just felt there.

- You did not!

Oh my dear, you're a nervous wreck.

Doctor, get out your stethoscope.

- My what?

Your stethoscope.

- But I'm alright, Aunt Charlotte, really I am!

- She's fine!

There is nothing like making sure.

You know doctor, sometimes

I think I should’ve been a nurse.

I'll get the stethoscope.

- No,no,no! I'll get it.

Oh, you doctors are so finicky

about your own instruments.

Now here. Come on, relax.

Please, please.

Lay down, calm.

I want the doctor to go over you

from top to bottom.

Doctor.

Her mother was like this.

Now come on, get started.

Get out your stethoscope.

Say "aaah".

Wonderful technique.

There's something wrong

with my telescope.

Well, you don't really

have to have it.

Just put your ear there and listen.

- There?

- Yes, there.

Oh, doctor!

Oh, tell me the worst.

It's worse than I expected.

- And what did you expect?

The worst.

I better get another doctor.

Would you suggest a psychiatrist?

No, ma'am. A doctor.

Doctor, before you go,

I want you to see my operation.

Say!

What's the matter, pal? You don't look so good.

Oh, they can't fool me any longer.

Patricia doesn't want me here.

- How did you get that idea?

- She slapped me!

Aunt Charlotte.

Oh, doctor. What a terrible

thing she's done to me!

She’s taken my clothes.

Doctor, what do you

think I should do?

Stick your feet in hot water

and stay in bed.

- What's the matter, what's the matter?

-She's gone.

- Gone where?

- Tony's apartment.

What's his phone number?

I got it right here.

Here it is.

Elysées, truai, truai, dux, dux.

You don't say it

the way it's spelled!

It's trois, trois, dee-eh, dee-eh.

Pardon, uh, voulez-vous...

Will you please gimme Elysées

trois, trois, dux, dux.

- Didn't I just tell you there ain't no "dux"?

- No "dux".

No... two trois trois,

two dee-uhses and no dux.

Gimme that phone.

Elysées, trois, trois, dee-eh, dee-eh.

Say, I get the idea.

While she's going over there,

he's coming over here.

Tony!

Hello, this is Tuttle.

Yeah, I just called you

to tell you that I've been lying.

Patricia means

nothing to me at all,

and if you come over here

I'll explain everything.

You will? I'll be waiting.

Boy, you're a genius.

A philanthrous.

So, I come here to see

Patricia Jardine and I find you here.

This is nicer than I thought.

- Yeah, much nicer.

And what are you in this place?

Who, me?

Yes, you.

I'm just a gigolo.

What?

I'm a fella who goes around

making women want other men.

¡Caramba!

- It means caramba?

- Oh, be quick!

I'm gonna put my hands

on this Patricia.

And then I shall

go back to my Tony.

- You won't have to. He's coming here.

- What?

Tony coming here?

To see this woman?

Look,

do you want some

good professional advice?

Uh, sí.

Wait to get your Tony back and start keeping company with somebody else.

Do you think this will make him want me more?

It will make him jealous?

- It'll burn 'im up.

María Santísima.

Well, I understand.

When do we start?

Right now, 'cause he's liable

to be here any minute.

And all he's got to do

is catch you in my arms...

Sinvergüenza.

Oh, darling, you're happy.

I can see it in your face.

The calmness,

the tranquility.

That serene expression that tells me of a love that is real and secure.

It's so good to be near you.

To be forever

imprisoned in your arms.

Love's sweetest meanings

aren't spoken.

Elmer.

So this is the reason

you're through with me, is it?

And using my house

for such a thing!

Oh, Patricia!

So you are Patricia Jardine, uh?

- I am, and who are you?

- Nina Estrada.

So,

it is you who would try

to charm my Tony, uh?

- What do you mean try?

- You have tried to hold him

but you cannot.

Now that I see you I know why.

- What do you mean by that?

Nothing, señora.

Only when I first hear

of you I'm jealous.

I think you have beauty,

I think you have power

but you have nothing at all.

Listen, you.

I'd like to know what you've got

that is so irresistible.

I think you would.

Elmer!

Elmer, what's she got

that I haven't got?

You got me there.

When I look at you I don't wonder

Tony tried to get rid of you.

He'd belong to me

if you would divorce him!

if I would divorce him!

Yes, if you would divorce him!

He told me

he was married to you!

And he told me

he was married to you.

That it was just a sudden

foolish love affair.

Oh, María Santísima.

Would you like some tea?

¡Déjame tranquila tu con tu té!

Hey, take it easy, will ya?

It's Tony.

Tony?

¡Le voy a matar!

I'm going to k*ll him!

Stay in here.

Do as I tell you, now.

Go in there.

You sent for me.

Has something happened?

Yeah, I sent for you

regarding Patricia.

Well, what is it, man? Quick, quick.

- I've decided to leave.

So that you and she

can be happy together.

Spoken like a man.

I'm afraid

I have misjudged you, Scuttle.

Tuttle.

Say,

are you married to

this Nina Estrados?

Oh, of course not!

- And you don't love her?

- Who, Nina Estrados?

She's just a crazy

rattlebrain Spaniard.

The kind of a woman

a man finds,

fondles and forgets.

Gee, I wish I could handle

women like you do.

Oh, it's an art.

If you would take a word

of one who has had many

without becoming tied to any.

Do you like fireworks?

- Do I like what?

- Fireworks.

Fireworks? Yes, yes, of course

I like fireworks. Very much.

Well, that's good 'cause we're gonna

start with the human Roman candle.

-Nina!

- In the flesh.

Not responsible for hats or overcoats.

- You love me, Tony, don't you?

- You see, Mona...

- You're crazy for me, aren't you?

- Well...

- Oh, yes.

- You know...

I'm the kind of a girl that you can take and leave and do whatever you like, eh?

¡Mentiroso, te voy a...!

I think I can explain everything, Nina.

Darling.

Oh, hello Patricia.

Now, listen Nina. I tell you, darling...

Listen, darling...

Now, listen Nina...

¡Déjame!

What the...?

My gloves, where are my gloves?

My gloves.

Tony.

Can't you see how much I love you?

So long.

Can't you see how much I love you?

Can't you see that I love ya?