Boardwalk Winter (2025)

[bunniefuu]

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(waves crashing)

(slow guitar music)

(slow guitar music continues)

(Fern sighs)

(slow guitar music continues)

(Fern exhales)

(slow guitar music continues)

(Fern exhales)

(slow guitar music continues)

(slow guitar music continues)

(slow guitar music continues)

(slow guitar music continues)

Yeah, I couldn't sleep in either.

I made you a bagel with cream cheese.

You know, I was struggling with something.

I gotta get out there, you know?

I mean, it's not healthy to

be up in my room all day.

Rest and relaxation is a good thing,

it's why I moved here. (Sighs)

But a girl can only take so much isolation.

But if I go out there and I stumble,

which I know I will, and no

one's there to pick me up,

I just wonder,

will it all even be worth it?

I guess what I'm asking you is,

should I go for a run?

(waves continue crashing)

(slow reggae music)

You're my lady, lady, lady

And I can never hurt you

You are my baby, baby, baby

So, Guinevere, how's

your new winter hangout?

Actually, it's Fern now.

Okay, Fern it is.

(slow reggae music continues)

She is a blessing from above

Sometimes if I stare too long into one

of my client's bald spots... When I die,

I want you to bury me

in the creepiest graveyard you can find.

Okay, Fern is much darker than Guinevere-

Next to an old tree with a gaping hole

where throngs of bats live.

You got up early again, didn't you?

I want the gravedigger to

leave a mound of dirty over me

with no grass, and put

the gravestone in crooked.

And the stone should already

have a crack spidering in

from the corner.

That's very vivid.

I want everyone

who visits to be terrified

that I might reach up out of

the dirt and grab their ankles.

You are taking notes, right?

Oh, yeah, even when you're dead,

you want to be able to grab ankles.

Exactly.

You looked great out there.

Come back anytime.

Oh, thank you, thank you.

You were a wonderful audience.

The sweater's a nice touch,

sundress for all seasons.

(waves continue crashing)

So I rented out my half bath.

What?

To a professional gamer, mm-hmm.

Do you want to meet him?

Immediately.

You're journaling?

(Fern laughs)

Well, (sighs) I figure the only child

of deceased parents ought

to leave some sort of record

of her existence behind.

Come on.

I'm in the sn*per's nest.

Head shot, let's go.

(slow music)

Is he taking a (whispers)?

No, no, no, no, his pants are up.

Yeah, I'll introduce you, (knocks) hello.

Howdy, Fern.

This is my best friend, Tiffany.

When did you get friends?

And you are?

The Spec Ops Tea Bag.

I'm sorry, what?

See, whenever he kills

one of his little opponents,

how likes to make his character squat

on top of the enemy's

carcass over and over again.

I've seen him do it, he's talented.

The best.

Oof, yikes.

It's a statement, it says

not only can I k*ll you,

but I have time to humiliate you, too.

Dark.

What's your actual name?

Skip.

Skip, (laughs) that's a puppy's name.

Rude, Tiff.

I'm sorry, but your murdering

and humping isn't very puppy-like?

It's not puppy-like at all.

So why play games in a bathroom?

Air strike on the team.

Solitude, for one.

And dedication.

He gets all his food delivered

and literally never leaves.

So this is what you live for, Skip,

virtual tea bagging day and night?

The career of a professional

gamer peaks at a young age

and steeply declines as reflexes fail.

I could wake up as an

old man without notice.

An old man named Skip.

That'll be a sad day indeed.

Well, we better go, I promised

I'd only say hi once per day,

and we just did way more than hi.

Aw, how lonely.

Well, see you later then, Skippy tea boy.

Yeah, I'll be here.

Fern, close the chamber to my w*r room.

(slow music continues)

Dude, you're gonna blame it

on your internet connection?

Tell your mom to switch out

the dial up in the basement.

I am not a salesman, I.

Okay, well, I am a salesman,

but I'm not here soliciting.

I'm here to see-

Not Fern, I will not allow it.

Fern?

Don't worry, Mrs. Kellogg,

Eric is Tiffany's boyfriend.

Oh, well, that's all right, then.

- Hey.

- Hey.

He has corporate pimp vibes,

like he would sell anything to anyone.

Like he would sell marbles to a toddler,

like he would sell fentanyl

to a

person.

You need someone more wholesome.

I'll be sure to set my sights higher

than a corporate pimp.

Good, all right, I am going

to smother my (indistinct)

With pancakes smothered in chocolate.

Yum.

Y'all are welcome to

join me across the street,

even the shill.

I'm-

I'd love to, Mrs. Kellogg,

but unfortunately I have

a doctor's appointment.

Ah, well, that's the next best thing

to a junk food breakfast. (Laughs)

Absolutely. (Laughs)

Yeah.

Shill?

You know what, lady, you're a-

(Eric groans)

It's too hard.

Yeah, yeah, Fern's

a little more aggressive

than Guinevere, let's get you up.

(Eric groans)

Ready to go?

You keep this one out of trouble.

I'll let you know if the

doctor says anything.

You sure, what if he finally gives you-

It's been nothing since the diagnosis,

and just test after test.

I'll be fine, promise.

I'll call you later.

Okay, bye, shill.

(slow music)

(slow music continues)

(doctor knocks)

Hey, Dr. Swayze.

So what's the verdict?

It's Schwazer, actually.

You know, Swayze is fine.

I know, I'm just a big "Point Break" fan.

Yeah, not "Dirty Dancing"?

No, I need some surf, sand,

sun and Keanu with my Swayze.

Looks like you get a bit of sun.

Yes, yes, I do, I-I have always felt

that the sun can unlock

incredible healing powers in us.

I mean-I mean, it can contribute

to your overall better health.

Well, the tan looks great,

and it really makes your lab coat pop.

Yeah, well,

thank you.

So we have your test results back,

and there will be no need

for further tests at this time.

The diagnosis is still accurate,

and right now we have a prognosis of sorts.

A prognosis of sorts?

Oh, you've been hard at work there, doc.

(Dr. Schwazer laughs)

I am not good at this.

It's okay, Dr. Schwazer.

I- I know you're just the messenger,

and I know the tests

won't sure that I'm cured,

so you can just be straight with me.

I can handle it.

Well, you're right, you're

not cured, and right now,

unfortunately, healing isn't an option,

only limited treatment

to help prolong life.

Sheesh, doc.

You couldn't have put on a red clown nose

or something to break

the news little easier?

Well, I told you I'm not good at this.

But we do offer excellent

consultation here,

you can... It's, (sniffs)

It's okay, I'm just teasing, doc. (Laughs)

You, (sighs) you did great.

Yeah, you have a tough job.

So, (sighs)

How long do I have?

(Dr. Schwazer sighs)

Well, there really is no

way of knowing for sure, it's,

the case like yours, it could

be years, it could be months.

There's just no way of knowing for sure.

But I should prepare for the worst.

Look, I know this is gonna sound cliche,

but a patient's outlook, (sighs)

Their-their fight, that

can really determine a lot.

I guess it's too late for me

to just go get some more sun, huh?

Well, I want you to remember this.

When we're-when we're

talking about outlook,

it's important not to lose perspective.

Keep setting goals for

yourself, long term goals,

as if I never delivered this news today.

(slow guitar music)

Always be humble and kind

Don't let the hatred consume your mind

I know it can be hard to find

All the love deep inside

And though we're

living in some crazy times

In all the darkness,

you can be the light

Focus on a good in your life

And always be humble

So he basically said it's up

to you how much longer you have?

I guess modern medicine has yet

to reach the capability of willpower.

No, he should give you better advice.

I don't know, he seemed

pretty wise and adorably nervous,

with an oddly perfect tan.

(Tiffany laughs)

Okay, are you gonna marry

the guy or get his medical help?

He said to set long term goals.

He doesn't know how much longer you have.

(waves crashing)

You know what, I'm gonna do it.

No, no, no.

No, who are you calling?

My boss, shh.

Hey, (laughs) do you have a minute?

Oh, (laughs) okay, good,

'cause I don't have many left.

No, literally, I'm dying.

No, no, it's not a joke, death is no joke.

Well, I-I guess I have

joked about death before.

Really, (laughs) often, well,

this time it's for real,

and we need to talk.

So I know you said that I needed experience

and leadership skills

before I would be eligible

for a promotion, but I disagree.

No, no, no, no, no, I'm being assertive,

which is an ideal quality in a leader,

and I need the promotion

now because I'm dying.

What do you mean this isn't

the Make-A-Wish Foundation?

You're the one being inappropriate.

You know what, fine,

if that's how you really feel, then I quit.

No, I'm not gonna give you a

two weeks' notice, I'm dying.

Well, there goes that long term goal.

Okay, that was more of a kamikaze demand.

(Fern sighs)

You need to bring back Guinevere.

She was way less impulsive.

And boring.

Fine, I gotta pee, don't

wander off with a stranger,

unless he's super hot, then just text me.

Sure.

Don't say hi to Skip, unless

you think he's super hot.

[Tiffany] Ha.

(slow guitar music)

(waves crashing)

(slow guitar music continues)

What are you, some sort of addict?

What are you, some sort of stalker?

Yes.

I always said the best kind

of stalkers come in sundresses.

That's a solid observation.

(slow guitar music continues)

(waves continue crashing)

So, what's up, sundress?

You still didn't answer my question.

I'm an addict when the surf is up,

and low tide hits twice during daylight.

Three times if the moon is full?

I think that's more for fishing.

Yes, please, take me seriously.

Hey, can you teach me?

To fish?

Gross, no, to surf. (Cole laughs)

I don't know, surfing

takes a lifetime to learn.

Well, I've gotta spend it on something.

All right, I'll teach you.

Lay down on your stomach

like you're about to do a pushup.

Should I change into something, or?

If you could pop up in a sundress,

you'll have no problem out there.

Really?

No, (laughs) no,

it's-it's extremely difficult.

Come on.

Okay.

Get down, do your best girly pushup.

Rude.

Okay, then give me your best pushup.

Stop, right there,

perfect, hold that position.

I admit, I don't exercise much. (Laughs)

Okay, next you're gonna bring

your left foot to your chest.

(waves continue crashing)

So you're a surfer now.

Oh, no, I have

absolutely no knack for this.

That's not true, her

girly pushups are perfect.

I can imagine.

Thanks.

Well, I guess I'll see you around,

unless you enter surfer's rehab.

Don't count on it, see you, sundress.

(waves continue crashing)

Sundress.

It's official, I'm on my way out,

and apparently I get to

choose how long I stay.

I suppose that's always

sort of our own choice,

but now I kind of feel like I do

when I'm checking my email at work

and I get a meeting invite.

I'm ready to accept it,

but I should probably wait a little bit

so no one thinks I'm anxious.

I just gotta find something

else worth being anxious over.

This is a pretty half-baked

bucket list adventure, Tiffany.

Hey, no, this place is adorable,

and I deserve some extra points

because it's in your new neighborhood.

I just thought we'd do

something more death-defying.

Golf is very therapeutic.

It's good for your mind and your soul.

What do you know about a soul?

Well, actually, I've

been reading this book

on business leadership, and it-

Let's just, let's make some memories

before we throw ourselves out of a plane.

I want to throw myself out of a plane.

I want the-the adventure

and the recklessness.

My journal depends on it.

Okay, let's just give it a try,

because look how cute the monkey is.

Technically, that's an

ape, doesn't have a tail,

but he's this big... Okay, babe, yeah, yeah,

quiet time, five minutes, okay?

Let's go to the next hole.

Yeah.

(slow reggae music)

Actually, maybe it's best if I go first.

[Tiffany] Go ahead.

Okay, ready?

Bounce.

Okay.

You made it over the hill.

Yeah, I wanted it to go right there.

Straight down just

a little bit, right there.

You know what, why don't you just, here.

What is this mental space

That was... That was great, wasn't it?

[Tiffany] That was great,

- that was a shot.

- It was pretty great.

Fern, actually, if you, so,

like, you're being, shoulder-

Me too, we escape

Yeah, let's give her space,

okay, every player's... Hey, yeah, no,

- no, no, yeah.

- A little different.

[Eric] Yeah, yeah.

That one was... Oh, that was pretty good.

Inspiration to create

But if they want to hate

I won't give faith

(Tiffany shrieks)

All the love we made

[Eric] Looking good, looking good.

[Fern] Okay, close, right?

Hello, faith

[Fern] Nice, nice, nice.

Great!

Let's keep the voice down.

Remember when I bought that green jacket?

- Yes.

- Yeah-

I didn't like it.

It was gonna match my eyes.

(Tiffany laughs)

Hello, faith

Hello

[Eric] Are you coming?

[Fern] Yeah.

I'm like a wildebeest.

Elevate

Oh, if that goes in. (Laughs)

Watch this place

How could I be

Whatever you see

Why do you want to bother me

Okay, your falter is a little bit off,

but if you just adjust your grip there-

Look, this has been fun, Tiff,

but it still feels a little empty.

I mean, I just don't

know what to write about.

Well, maybe this entry

can be about friendship

and-and animals and cuteness.

And your technique really has improved.

I mean, if you keep working at it,

I think you'd be ready for-

What, the pirate place across the street?

Well, no, that-that's a

very different strategy,

and you're not close to that,

but if you keep working

at it, I think we can-

Look, guys, I appreciate it,

but my problems aren't

gonna be fixed by tiny golf.

Mini golf-

Okay, wait, I wasn't trying

to solve your problems.

I just thought we wanted

to have a little bit of fun.

Well, then there's the haunted house

that's next to the body piercing shop,

and there's an old time-y

photo studio right next to it.

I mean, we could have a spring break themed

going away party-

Fern, I just, I thought

this plan would be fun

and different, and... Look, I'm,

I'm not mad at you, okay?

I- I just, (cries) I just need to go home.

I gotta... Go.

Okay.

Rhinos.

Naked unicorn.

(Fern sighs)

(footsteps pattering)

(slow reggae music)

(slow reggae music continues)

(slow reggae music continues)

(slow reggae music continues)

(slow reggae music continues)

[Fern] I don't know what swept me up,

but I was in a fog.

(slow reggae music continues)

Swimming in the deep, deep water

Try to navigate

Throw myself in the fire

Come out unscathed, surrounded by

[Fern] Of course I went with him.

He was cute and I was vulnerable.

I don't need their praise

You know no weapon formed

[Fern] I have no idea

what the pastor said

or what vows were made, but

everything became clear to me.

I felt like I did as a little

girl playing "wedding day"

with my friends. (Laughs)

It was so

pure.

No, I didn't go home with the guy.

He was from out of

town and he didn't push it.

He was a gentleman.

But now I know what

to put on my bucket list.

Swimming in the deep, deep water

[Fern] Just one item.

Get married.

Throw myself in the fire

(dish clinks)

Just a quick catnap and back at it.

Sorry, Lucas, I had to step

away from the controller.

Had to find my wallet to pay your mom.

Good morning, Skip.

You know, I was thinking

about what you were saying the other day,

about wasting your youth

and getting old, and I-

I said that?

I'm sorry, did you say catnap?

Are-are you trying not to sleep?

There is no try, only do.

So, yeah, I guess I

failed there for a minute.

Skip, that's insane.

Are there even people on at

this time for you to-to battle?

I gotta be the best, so

I can't sleep like the rest.

Maybe we should get some

of those electric paddle things

in case your heart gives out.

A defibrillator?

So you two know each other.

You were saying

something about getting old?

Mm-hmm, I decided I'm gonna get married

before it's too late.

Congratulations, when's the date?

I need to find a fiance first.

That is recommended, yeah.

What are you doing next weekend?

I can only marry a woman

who could best me at a game of my choice.

Mm, picky, picky, picky Skip.

Yeah, we all have standards.

Absolutely, here, you want bacon?

Always, hit me, ah.

Did you microwave it?

You're a trash person.

Yeah, I'm the trash person.

Hey.

I have been begging

you to find a man for years,

Mrs. Powerful career woman

who never needed a man to complete her.

No, you haven't, and

I don't sound like that.

Yes, I have, I only stopped begging

'cause I knew it'd be futile.

I had no idea you just

needed your life threatened,

I could call... Be nice.

I'm about to be real nice and set you up

with a great guy I know.

If he's so great, why

aren't you with him?

I have Eric.

This guy's not better

than Eric, yeah, pass.

Rude.

Yeah.

Fine, how do you want to meet a man?

I feel like I should go

out there aggressively

and hunt, you know?

That way, if I don't

come home with a trophy,

at least I get a good story out of it.

No, I think you should

start online, my girl.

Online?

You just have to start

slow before, you know,

go out there and hunt.

[Fern] Well, online

dating is starting slow?

You need a sure thing to start with,

literally point and click.

Fine, but if it's a dud, then

we gotta try something else.

We can use my profile,

I will just swap my photo for yours.

You have a profile?

What do you want out of a man?

I literally want a

long walk on the beach.

No, only the cheesiest

guys are gonna put that

on their profiles.

Okay, perfect.

Or creeps.

Well, we'll be in a public area.

All right, one long walk

on the beach coming up.

(waves crashing)

[Speaker] Won't the

sand freeze your feet?

[Fern] No, it's-it's good

to be touching the earth, it's relaxing.

[Speaker] Okay, just let

me know if you get too cold

and we'll hit the restaurant.

(Fern laughs)

[Fern] I'll be fine.

This is a good way to

get to know each other.

[Speaker] Yeah, I guess.

So are you an animal person?

Sort of, you?

I love animals, but hate pets.

Does that make me sound like a monster?

Not at all, I'm the same way.

Really, because, like,

I love going to the zoo

and I love nature films,

but for some reason,

the thought of touching

an animal grosses me out.

I'm totally with you.

(Fern laughs)

So are you an outdoors man?

Sure, I like hiking,

camping, all that stuff.

Nice, I'll hike, climb, canoe, all of it,

but no camping. (Laughs)

When it comes time to sleep,

I prefer the great indoors,

- away from mosquitoes.

- For sure. (Laughs)

Sleeping without bugs is the best.

But you just said-

It's getting pretty chilly.

(Fern laughs)

I don't know.

I don't think this counts

as a long walk yet.

Yeah, you're right, totally.

I'm actually thinking

about taking up surfing.

Have you ever tried?

No, but I bet it's fun.

Oh, (laughs) yeah.

It's kind of funny 'cause

you look like someone who'd,

well, I guess that's a

little judge-y, I'm sorry.

Oh, no, that's okay,

I get that all the time.

Oh, well, would you ever try?

Maybe, I guess.

You know, you could

totally disagree with me.

You could say that it's crazy and dangerous

to try to surf in the winter

and I wouldn't hold it against you.

Oh, no, I don't want to disagree.

Okay, maybe-maybe we

should start heading back.

What about dinner?

I-I don't know, I think

maybe I'll turn in early tonight.

This long walk kind of exhausted me.

Wait, you're ending our date early?

Well, yeah, I mean,

I had a great time, I-

This is what happens

to nice guys like me.

I walk, I walk, and I walk,

and I listen and I listen and I listen.

I'm perfectly pleasant,

even through your absolutely

nonsensical ramblings

about absolutely nothing.

I bet you're gonna call some total jerk now

so he can spend the fun part of the night

with you after sending me away.

That's not gonna happen,

you are gonna have dinner

with the nice guy that

you started the night with.

The-the fun part of the night?

Hold on just a second.

Hello, hi, yeah, police?

Mm-hmm.

(Fern sighs)

Yeah, no, Tiff, I don't

need the actual police,

but we are not doing this

online dating thing again. (Sighs)

I thought it'd be cheesy

cute, not cheesy creepy.

(waves crashing)

(Fern sighs)

We just need a better plan.

Meet me in the morning

tomorrow, I have an idea.

(slow reggae music)

Okay, this is the best idea

you've ever had about anything ever.

I-I didn't think this through.

What's there to think about?

It's a meat head buffet.

You could marry any of

these guys and I'd approve.

Well, how-how do I approach?

They're all high on testosterone,

and your pheromones are

gonna hit them with any approach.

Okay, (sighs) all

right, well, let's dive in.

Yes, okay, so we can't

look like we're on the hunt,

so, yeah, yeah, look at me and laugh.

Like a, like a giggle, or a burst?

Choose some sort of middle ground.

(Fern laughs)

Okay, yeah, yeah, that's enough.

Let's just look like we

didn't plan to be here.

Okay, are you sure?

You got this, I'm right behind you, go.

Stop thinking

So are all your muscles

made on this beach?

They're actually made in the kitchen.

Everybody knows that.

Well, in that case, what

are we still doing here?

Let's go get some breakfast.

It's not that simple.

I have a very active routine

and a very strict regimen.

Well, I'm sure we could rustle

up some vitamin C gummies

along the way... That's not gonna work.

I eat a dozen eggs and then

a big porterhouse steak... Places have eggs.

Are they cage free?

You're cage free.

I don't know.

One more time, yeah, oh, yeah

So are you training

to be a caped crusader?

What?

Like, like Batman, he's good with ropes.

Oh, I think he does more

grappling hooks than ropes,

like, a g*n thing that... Yeah, sure.

Take me seriously.

One more time

These guys are all losers.

Okay, you've only tried two.

We came all this way, how about one more?

Third time's a charm.

Okay, fine, but this time, you pick,

so when it's a dud, it's not my fault.

All right, how about the guy

on the swing-y chain things?

Tarzan, great.

Crazy, if you come back

[Fern] Could you do

that 100 feet in the air?

Why would I do that?

Well, you'd want a

safety net at the bottom,

obviously, but could

you do it when it counts,

with a crowd roaring around you?

This isn't really training

for anything like that.

It's-it's a work-(Fern sighs)

Yeah, don't work your brain so hard.

This was all a mistake.

This is not how I'm gonna find love.

Wait, love, I thought you just wanted

to get married as quickly as possible.

That's what you think?

I mean, these guys are plenty hot enough

to take a chance on.

Says the girl who won't take

a chance on actual skydiving.

Okay, there's a zero percent chance

of you ending up splattered

on the pavement if you let one

of these guys take you to dinner.

You don't know that.

I could end up a cautionary

tale for women everywhere.

Yeah, consider me cautioned.

(Fern sighs)

Call me when they put you in a padded cell.

(slow music)

(waves crashing)

(slow music continues)

(slow music continues)

(slow music continues)

(slow music continues)

Hey, sundress.

[Fern] My name is Fern.

(slow music continues)

No, no, you don't want to do that.

No, no, no, no, shouldn't do that.

Do it, I'm ready to try.

You shouldn't do that.

The water is freezing out there.

(waves crashing)

(waves continue crashing)

(waves continue crashing)

I'm Cole, by the way, and

you can borrow my wetsuit

if you really want to head out there,

but I gotta warn you, I'm not

wearing anything underneath.

I don't do all black.

Oh, I can get you something

with a little more color coordination.

So,

Fern, is it?

I think I like "sundress" a little more.

It used to be Guinevere.

Used to be?

Well, I'll probably change it again.

You don't like it?

I was thinking about my

mom a lot when I changed it.

I didn't, like, legally change it,

but she loved ferns, had

them all over the house.

Sounds like a keeper.

Maybe.

I think Sundress should be next.

Probably not.

(waves crashing)

(Fern laughs)

Listen, I think you're

absolutely fascinating

and incredibly beautiful.

I wouldn't be able to forgive myself

if I didn't ask you to dinner, so

you free tonight?

Well. (Laughs)

I mean, I pretty much

just saved your life out there,

so really, you should be

taking me out to dinner.

Sure, dinner sounds great.

Perfect, pick you up at seven?

And if you're gonna go out in the water,

don't forget your Gucci wetsuit, okay?

I'm more of a Prada girl, but okay.

(slow reggae music)

Later, sundress.

(slow reggae music continues)

I'm so sick of the rat race

Just want to sing and play

Play

Where's Tiffany?

Yikes, Eric, (laughs) somewhere else.

She told me to meet her here

after she took you out man hunting.

How was that, anyway?

Unsuccessful.

Sorry to hear that, it's good

you're being picky, though.

Picky, I'm not exactly a

girl who won't eat her peas.

Maybe selective is a better word.

Yeah, maybe.

Well, keep up the search, though.

I'll catch you later.

Actually, I kind of had an

idea I wanted to run by you.

Sure, go for it.

I think you're a really cool girl

and you deserve a great guy

that's gonna treat you right.

Well, I love flattery, go on.

No, no, I'm serious.

The sad thing is, there ready aren't

that many good guys out there.

I wish I knew someone.

Well, Eric, I mean,

you don't have to set me up with anybody.

Actually, I have a date later tonight-

Have you ever heard of a throuple?

(Fern laughs)

No, Eric, what-what-what-what

does that mean?

Well, not to oversimplify it, but it,

it's kind of like a couple,

but there are three people instead of two.

That does seem like the

proper way to simplify it.

Yeah.

I know how close you

and Tiffany are, and, well,

I wouldn't mind getting a

bit closer myself, you know?

Especially considering you

don't have much time left.

Oh, Eric, are you,

are you saying what I think you're saying?

Yeah, what do you think?

I-I think I need to hear you say it

to believe it could be true.

Oh, okay, yeah. (Fern laughs)

Well, would you like to be in a threesome,

would you like to be

in a

throuple with

us?

Eric, dear, that is so,

so disgusting, you pig. (Laughs)

What, I just thought, you know-

You were thinking with the wrong head,

you perv, come on, go home.

Okay, well, let's just,

let's-let's forget about this.

Yeah.

Let's-let's both, you know, for-forget.

Mm-hmm, sure, sounds great.

(Fern sighs)

Bye.

Hi, (laughs) Mrs. Kellogg.

What's that about, forget what?

Oh, nothing, how's your morning going?

Oh, fine, dear.

I'm going to have breakfast.

Would you like to join me?

I would love to get pancakes with you.

Wonderful, then I can hear all

about that creepy throuple thing.

Oh, no, you heard that?

[Mrs. Kellogg] Oh, oh.

[Fern] Can you imagine?

[Mrs. Kellogg] Oh! (Fern laughs)

No.

(silverware clinking) (slow music)

Whoever thought about

eating chocolate chip cookies

disguised as breakfast is genius.

Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Don't grow up to be me, Fern.

But you're amazing and I love you.

Aw, thank you.

I love you, too.

You know, I'm enjoying

the time that I have left,

especially this moment.

But, (sighs) you know, I'm lonely.

Oh.

Yeah, I-I like to brag

about my trips to Rome

and Paris and everything, but

it's an empty experience

if you don't have anyone to share it with.

Well, I'm sure lots of widows

struggle, you know, with-

Oh, I'm not a widow, I

have three ex-husbands.

Number one, Robert.

He was a workaholic.

Oh.

He was a mortician.

Ouch.

He'd rather be with dead people than me.

That's certainly a type.

Then there was prenup Buck.

He said I was his starter wife.

He was angry all the

time, and he kissed like this.

(Fern laughs)

And then there's gentle

Julian, and he never kissed me.

And now he lives in San Francisco.

Oh, mm-hmm.

I don't like to blame, I

caused a lot of problems, too.

And I found Jesus a little too late,

but better late than never.

I can't imagine you causing problems.

You-you haven't known

me very long. (Laughs)

I'm a pretty good judge of character.

Well, I hope you're a

better judge of character

than your friend Tiffany.

[Fern] Hmm, maybe.

What does she see in that perv?

I don't know, they have fun,

but I don't think she's serious about him.

Well, if they do get serious,

I know a veterinarian who's

good with a rubber band.

(Fern laughs)

And if that's too extreme,

I know a podiatrist who's good with cement.

Cement shoes sound perfect.

Are you seeing anyone?

No.

But for the first time in years,

I have a date that I'm

actually excited about.

Oh.

Is he handsome?

Well, he looks good with

wet hair and black rubber.

Oh, back in my day, that

was a strict requirement.

Those days should never end.

Well, you know, priorities evolve.

What do you think I should

look for, you know, in a man?

That's easy.

(silverware clanks)

Total devotion, Fern.

Do you have butterflies?

Swaths of them. (Laughs)

Aw.

At my age, I'm lucky to have dying moths.

Flit, flit, flit, flit.

If you could answer,

I'd say, "Dear diary,"

then ask what men are

like on dates these days.

Do they still bring

flowers and hold the door?

(door knocks)

(door clicks)

(waves crashing)

Are you kidding me?

What's the matter?

You brought flowers.

Yeah, is it okay?

(Fern laughs)

It's a relief.

Oh, okay, (laughs) well, I'm glad.

(Fern laughs)

Wow, you look even more beautiful

than when you spied on me from the balcony.

Hey, you were out there

in the public eye, buddy.

It was fair game.

It's okay, I spied back.

(Fern laughs)

I know just where to put these.

Oh, you can come in a minute.

Okay.

Oh, actually, wait, no.

I don't think I'm supposed to.

Supposed to?

Let you in on the first date.

Oh, yeah, of course, I'll

just wait right here, then.

Okay. (Laughs)

(water splashes)

Skip, (knocks) Skip!

[Skip] I'm committing w*r crimes in here.

[Fern] But I brought you

something to freshen up your,

oh, no, nothing can freshen that up.

[Skip] I have strong pheromones.

How are you even alive in there?

[Skip] Hey.

Is there a man in your bathroom?

You heard that?

Delivery.

Delivery.

Hey, Fern.

Hey, Chuck, come on in.

I thought you and I were supposed to-

It's not for us.

Skip, (knocks) Skip, your

food's here, buddy, Skip?

(Chuck coughs)

[Skip] Chuck.

Oh, man.

[Skip] You are in my will, man, thanks.

Tip's at the door.

How are you even alive in there?

Have a good night, Fern.

You too, Chuck.

Just.

(Cole clears throat)

So should we get going?

Sure, yeah.

Let's

go.

(door clicks)

[Guitar Player] One, two, three, four.

(slow guitar music)

So tell me about-

Life's too short for small talk.

Okay, what do you consider too small?

Hmm, anything that stays

too snuggly in the comfort zone.

Then let's get uncomfortable.

Do you believe in God?

Absolutely, he's been very good to me.

Hmm, what makes you think God is a man?

Ooh.

Hmm.

Well, if God were a woman,

why would she have created

men to be so dominant

for thousands of years?

Okay, I might have to think on that one,

so maybe we start with a

middle ground topic. (Laughs)

Okay, so somewhere between

"what did you eat for

breakfast" and "is God a woman."

That's probably wise.

Hmm, what do you do for work?

Currently (sighs) unemployed.

Back out of the comfort zone, okay.

It's fine, I quit voluntarily.

And I'm guessing by the

little bit that I know of you,

you burnt the place down on your way out?

I might have if I hadn't

quit over the phone.

Didn't even have the

courage to quit in person.

Hey, go easy.

Any questions about the menu?

Oh, I actually haven't

had a chance to look yet.

Do you like fish?

[Fern] Yeah.

We'll take two stuffed flounder

with rice and mixed veggies, please.

Excellent, a man who knows what he wants.

I'll be back shortly.

[Cole] Thanks.

(slow reggae music)

You totally just ordered for me.

A lot of women tend to

order something pretty cheap,

like a salad or chicken,

and it breaks my heart

to see something like that

happen at a seafood restaurant.

So you date a lot of women.

I've had

a few

awkward first dates.

But not many serious ones ever since, so.

Since?

I'm sorry, I try not to

bring it up on the first date,

but since we're already uncomfortable,

I was married.

Briefly, years ago.

Oh, we are getting deeper.

A divorcee and the unemployed.

(glasses clinking)

Well, I won't dig into that just yet,

but if you're also

unemployed, I'm out of here.

No.

(Cole laughs)

No, (laughs) do you

know those car commercials

where they show just 30

seconds of a truck sliding

through some mud or climbing

up a snow-covered mountain?

Yeah, of course.

Well, that's me, I'm

the stunt driver in those.

Really, that's amazing.

No, (laughs) not really.

But it is my dream job.

Okay, so is that the segue

that leads into your

actual more boring job?

I really never know how people are going

to react when I tell them

that I'm actually a cop.

Well, a cop with a

sense of humor is-is good.

Evolutionary biologists claim

that men are forced to develop a sense

of humor in order to seem attractive.

And women?

Entirely optional.

Okay, I opt to tell you a joke then.

Bracing myself now.

A vegan and a

CrossFitter walk into a bar,

but neither of them can get

a word in because I'm already

in there telling everyone that I'm dying.

Are you serious?

No.

(Cole laughs)

Okay, (sighs) oh, good.

I actually don't tell many people.

You're serious.

(Fern sighs)

I'm sorry, I-I genuinely don't

know where that came from.

I guess I just thought I should be upfront.

(Cole sighs)

You certainly have a

bright future in dark comedy.

(group applauds)

Or not.

Thanks, putting together

material for open mic night.

So how long do you have?

Quite a lot of time, I think.

I don't have a countdown yet.

So you're just living

life like it's no big deal?

Yeah, sort of.

I think that's awesome.

(slow guitar music)

Oh, I love this song.

You want to dance?

No, I don't need a lot

Who are you?

Don't need no big house

and no yacht, yacht, yacht

I can just chill on the beach, yeah

My lady and me

No, I don't need a lot, lot, lot

Don't need

Yeah, yeah, yeah

I can just chill on the beach, yeah

My puppy named King

(Fern sighs)

(phone chirps)

(phone chirps)

(phone chirps)

[Tiffany] How many times

are you gonna use that on me?

Until it stops working.

(Tiffany laughs)

[Tiffany] Right.

Don't you wish everyone was dying?

[Tiffany] Okay, that's

dark, even for you.

(Fern laughs)

I'm serious.

That way everybody could stop being mad

at each other all the time and just talk.

[Tiffany] So is he the one?

Too early to tell,

but it looks promising.

[Tiffany] I thought you were in a hurry.

I know, I just, I.

[Tiffany] Fern? (Slow ominous music)

(Fern stammers)

Fern?

Just, Tiff.

- I-

- What's wrong?

Are you okay?

(Fern groans)

Call the, I'm blacking out.

[Tiffany] Fern, okay,

stay there, I'm on my way.

(Fern sighs)

(slow ominous music continues)

(Fern starts)

Oh.

Well.

Welcome back, Ms-

Fern, Fern is fine.

Okay, Fern.

As far as I can tell, the

blackout had nothing

to do with your illness

in any apparent way.

Any apparent way?

Well, based on what

you've told me so far-

I haven't told you anything.

This isn't the first time you've woken up

and been surprised to see me.

Oh.

I would say that you experienced a sudden

and intense onset of anxiety.

That can't be right,

I felt like I was dying.

Well,

your body thought it was dying,

so it systematically shut down

every physiological function

that isn't critical to survival.

That's terrible.

In simple terms, you had

a debilitating panic attack.

That's it?

That's, well, that's quite serious.

I don't think it had any effect

on your current medical condition,

but this could cause a whole set

of other kinds of problems,

problems I can't fix.

Well, who can fix it?

Well, (sighs) ultimately,

only you can fix it.

You're still bill my

insurance anyway, right?

[Dr. Schwazer] No, I won't.

But I'm sure your psychotherapist will.

Psychotherapist, I'm not psycho.

All right, then, your

analyst or your counselor

or head shrink or

whatever you want to call it.

That's just the proper term.

Is that like how janitors

want to be called custodians?

[Dr. Schwazer] Sure, I guess.

Notice that they don't call

themselves psycho janitors.

I want you to talk to

someone about your anxiety,

or the next time you experience an attack,

it could happen in a place a lot less safe

than in your apartment.

(slow music)

I could call my therapist for you.

I mean, I guess he's not

really my therapist anymore,

but he's pretty good.

Eric asked me if I wanted

to be in a throuple with you guys.

He did not.

I said, of course,

well, we've been friends

for so long, it really only makes sense.

Stop.

We actually made plans

to get away this weekend,

romantic cabin, candlelit

dinners, the whole deal.

He did not say that, did he?

Of course he did.

Perv.

(waves crashing)

He told me he just

wanted to run an idea by me.

Ah, just a passing thought, huh?

His one allotment for the day.

Ladies, you're looking

very beautiful this morning.

Why, thank you,

I actually... Or wait, no, I'm sorry.

Fern, you are looking

very beautiful this morning.

Hey.

I'm sorry, I never really got a,

this whole best friend thing down.

Am I supposed to find her attractive, too?

- No.

- Yes.

[Cole] Got it.

You're delightfully awkward

this morning, what's up?

Well, Tiffany told me that you needed

to relax after your thing.

So I'm here to help.

Tiffany wasn't supposed

to say anything about that.

No, Tiffany told Cole not to tell Fern

that Tiffany told you.

Well, Cole forgot

that Tiffany told Cole not

to say that to Fern, so Fern,

please forgive Tiffany for telling Cole.

Besides, it's not a big deal.

I took off sick today so

we could go skateboarding.

How is taking off work

for me not a big deal?

And how is breaking my head

open skateboarding relaxing?

It's okay, I brought a helmet

so you won't break your head.

So you have a helmet for the rest of me,

because it is all very breakable.

I do not.

Look, I like you, Cole, but I don't know

if I'm at the break my

bones for you level yet.

Yes, you are. (Slow music)

No head up, beat, we got no head up, oh

Do I look stupid in this thing?

Well,

lucky for you, helmets aren't

exactly the IQ test

people might think they are.

But it is a good gauge of cuteness.

Smooth.

Eventually I hope to

be riding alongside of you,

but for now, we're just

gonna take things slow.

The little one is cute.

Yeah, it is.

The bigger the board, the sturdier it is.

You're gonna have a hard

time crashing this boat.

I used to fool around on a friend's board

when I was a kid.

Oh, yeah?

[Fern] Yeah.

(board rattles)

Whoa. (Laughs)

It shows.

Ooh, ooh, whoa, whoa, come back now.

That was a good first try,

but I can't be seen in public

with anybody who pushes mongo.

That sounds insulting.

A little, just push with your back foot.

Not your front.

That's it?

Mongo sounds just fine.

First rule of skateboarding,

looking cool at all costs.

Pushing mongo is the anti-cool.

And yet I'm in this nerdy helmet.

Bleeding all over the

boardwalk is even lamer

than pushing mongo.

Come on, let's see what you got.

(slow reggae music)

Right, right, right

Hey, hey

Right, right, right, oh

(slow reggae music continues)

(slow reggae music continues)

When I see your pretty face

You know it's on sight

Love to get down, eat

some cake, take a bite

Baby girl, you know

how to make me feel nice

Never want to fuss or fight

If you love me right, I love you too

You don't gotta

worry if my love is true

We can spend some

time, girl, if you want to

'Cause there is so many

things that we could do

If you're going to love,

love me right, right, right

We cannot wait 'til the

time feels right, right, right

Pretty girl, by the end of

the night, night, night, night

You can roll with me

(Fern sighs)

You feeling relaxed now?

Yeah, there is something oddly comforting

about fearing for your

life in a totally new way.

Awesome.

You plan on keeping the helmet on,

or you thinking of

falling down these stairs?

No, only if I pass out again.

(Fern sighs)

Are you gonna see Tiffany's guy?

No, I-I already know why I panicked.

Because of your-your future?

Sort of, not because of my sickness,

but because I am,

(Fern sighs)

I panicked because I just went

on one of the most amazing

dates in my entire life.

Honestly, I've never panicked

because of a good thing.

Well, good things have their own finality

and even more uncertainty.

Have you ever seen "Annie Hall"?

Yeah.

Do you know the scene where

Woody Allen tells Diane Keaton

they should get their first kiss out

of the way before

dinner on their first date?

You totally missed that chance.

Well, it's before dinner now.

I guess we could get it out of the way

so we could eat in peace.

(waves crashing)

(waves continue crashing)

(slow reggae music)

Lobster would seem appropriate now.

Maybe after we get

a game of basketball in.

Wind's picking up.

Who do you think I am?

Shouldn't we fly a kite instead?

Oh, no, that's way too easy.

(Fern sighs)

All right, fine.

Let's get this over with.

That's why we're

chilling out, chilling all day

Chilling out, chilling out

Oh, we're not doing one on one.

We're playing Crab.

What's that?

Crab, it's like Horse or Pig,

but we're on the beach,

so Crab, with wind rules.

Wind rules are if you wait for the wind

to die down to make your

shot, then it's only one letter.

But if you sh**t with the

wind, that's two letters.

Okay, let's do it, I'm hungry.

All right.

(Fern sighs)

Ladies first, and winner

gets to pick the restaurant.

Loser has to pay for the appetizers,

and loser has to order in the

accent of the winner's choice.

High stakes.

You're up, you've got a good gust now.

Hmm, I see, playing it safe, huh?

[Fern] Hush.

(basketball thunks)

(Cole claps)

Impressive.

Shot a few baskets in my day.

"In my day," what are you,

secretly an 80-year-old man?

Quiet, put it up.

(slow reggae music continues)

(basketball thunks)

Excuse me, no pretty

girls in my line of sight.

It's kind of distracting.

No, pretty girl rules state

that I can stand wherever I want.

All right.

(basketball thunks)

All right, your C, and it's my ball.

Wait, you're supposed to match my shot,

and it's my turn until you miss.

Oh, not with wind rules.

You're making this up as you go.

Okay, I made the shot with the wind,

which means I got two letters

matching yours and upping you.

I concede, okay, I'll

do the stupid accent

if we can just go eat.

Okay, so what do you want for-

Crab dip and calamari.

All right, and accent?

Third Reich.

That is not an accent.

Sure it is, it's German,

but you just yell a lot.

I'm not doing that.

It helps if you pound

the table a few times.

That is childish. (Laughs)

Fine, okay.

Jamaican.

I thought you'd pick

something sexy, like-like French.

Oh, no, (laughs) no.

This is all about humor,

not about sex appeal.

You just want to embarrass me.

All right, fine.

We can do your sexy French accent,

but it had better be incredibly sexy.

Hey, guys, can I start

you with an appetizer?

We will have the crab

dip and the calamari,

s'il vous plat and merci.

Ooh, French or French Canadian?

I am from the south of France-

She's neither, she's

just messing with you.

Well, you had me convinced.

I'll be back with your appetizers in a few.

What did you do that

for, I was convincing.

You quit halfway through our game.

I had no chance.

Bet you won't quit again.

In all fairness, your French

accent was kind of sexy.

Maybe you should just

keep doing it, oui oui.

That's how you-

You are, how you say, idiot.

You start thinking

About the way you

So it's selfless service

and the common good, huh?

I wouldn't have pegged you as an altruist,

at least not in the beginning.

I think a lot of boys grow up wanting

to be superheroes or, I

don't know, saving the world.

That's cute.

But eventually, we figure out

that we can't sh**t

lasers out of our eyeballs

and nuclear accidents

don't actually turn you

into a green monster. (Laughs)

Aw.

Some of us figure out

that maybe the closest

thing is a badge and a g*n,

but I'm definitely no altruist any more

than I am a superman.

I would hope that all our

public servants are as selfless.

Mm, would you rather somebody come

to your aid who's compelled

by duty or compelled by desire?

Who doesn't want to be desired?

Exactly.

And I think that I'm the kind of guy

who helps out of desire rather than duty.

It's rare to find that

kind of drive in a career.

[Cole] What drove you in your work?

That is a painful question.

We all have our reasons

for taking a job or quitting.

There's no shame in a day's work.

I guess I was driven by hope,

hope that the next job would be better

than the one I was currently doing.

Ambition is good.

Well, ambition only lasts

as long as the future looks bright.

I see.

Oh, no, it wasn't my health

that crushed my hopes. (Laughs)

Actually, it gave me the

courage to pull the plug.

Rather, (sighs) my hopes were misplaced.

How so?

Well, I hoped that I'd

find fulfillment in my career,

but with each promotion,

I just kept making more money for my boss,

and my boss's boss, who

didn't care about me at all.

Hmm, I get that.

(silverware clinking)

(slow reggae music)

Is everything okay?

Yeah, I'm-I'm fine.

If you'll excuse me just a minute,

I need to use the-the ladies room.

Are you sure you're okay?

[Fern] Yeah, I'm okay.

(slow reggae music continues)

(slow reggae music continues)

(waves crashing)

Aren't you gonna come in?

Well, I figured we got

our good night kiss out

of the way earlier, so

I'll probably just go home.

I mean, unless you need

another good night kiss.

I didn't say I needed

another good night kiss.

I wasn't kidding.

Okay, I was kidding. (Laughs)

(waves continue crashing)

That was much better than the first.

Don't make any plans tomorrow.

I have an idea.

You're seriously going home now?

You have to at least make a move

and give me the chance to turn you down,

or else I'm going to bed

feeling quite rejected.

Okay, let's go in your

bedroom, get naked.

Let's do it.

You siren.

I thought all guys needed to,

you know, go for a test drive,

make sure we're compatible

before you drive me off the lot.

Do you have lady parts down there?

Yeah.

Then I'm sure we're compatible.

Well, maybe I need to

take you for a test drive.

I don't have a lot of

time to waste, you know.

Oh, and that's exactly the reason why

we need to do this right.

Plus, I don't want you

thinking I'm in this for one thing.

"In this"?

10 o'clock, tomorrow

morning, eat a good breakfast.

A glass of raw eggs, "Rocky" style?

Breakfast of champions.

Good night.

(waves continue crashing)

(slow guitar music)

(Fern sighs)

[Fern] Ridiculous, he brought flowers

and didn't want to spend

the night, just ridiculous.

And wonderful.

(slow guitar music continues)

(objects clattering)

Skip, Skip, Skip?

Skip, honey, (knocks)

Skip, are you okay in there?

(Skip moans)

Skip, Skip, Skip? (Coughs)

(Skip moans)

Tell me what's going on.

Where am I?

Nearly dead on the bathroom floor.

Okay, cool.

Oh, we gotta get you out of here.

No, I can't go.

Come on, you should go for a walk.

Guys, I'm going offline for a while.

Lucas, if you can hear me,

your mom's dragging me to the bedroom.

Do you ever shut up?

[Skip] You're gonna

have to take over, Fern.

There's no other way, I've worked too hard.

Go to bed.

(headset clatters)

(Fern grunts)

(slow reggae music)

Why do you eat so much delivery? (Grunts)

(slow reggae music continues)

(Fern grunts)

(Fern sighs)

(slow reggae music continues)

(Fern sighs)

(Fern grunts)

(Fern pants)

(Skip thuds)

(Fern grunts)

(slow reggae music continues)

(Fern sighs)

Not how I wanted my night to end. (Sighs)

(door knocks)

Hey, handsome.

Hey, sundress, how you doing?

What are you all dressed up for?

I brought you something.

What's the occasion?

A northeastern swell

with a southwestern breeze.

(waves crashing)

Is that your bathroom mate?

You found one in pink.

Yeah, I figured it'd make

you a little more comfortable

since it's your first time out.

Cute, although if I did

know we were jumping

into the ocean, I wouldn't

have curled my hair.

(Cole imitates picture snapping)

Just taking mental pictures.

Don't want these stunning curls

and iconic sundress to go to waste.

Stunning and iconic?

I can live with that.

Is

he okay?

(Fern sighs)

[Fern] Come on, get up.

We are going to the beach.

Thought it was just gonna

be us going to the beach.

He nearly died last night.

He could use some fresh air and sunshine.

Or a hospital.

What am I doing out here?

I'm losing time.

Your time is going to

expire unless you get up,

get out, and go get some

vitamin D, and you know what?

If you don't go to the beach with us,

you are hereby evicted immediately

with full loss of property,

is this stuck to you?

[Skip] You can't do that.

I don't think he wants to come with.

I never had the legal right

to rent out my half-bath

in the first place,

so I don't think you're gonna

have much legal recourse.

Come on, and please

(coughs) go take a shower.

You smell like you were just removed

from the an*s of a beached whale. (Coughs)

That's the smell of success.

(traffic rumbles)

Did you take the roof

and the doors off in winter?

It's always summer in a wetsuit.

That's just not true.

Eh, the sun's out.

You'll be fine.

Plus I put a new clean

seat cover on for you.

Is your jeep a pirate?

Definitely.

(Fern laughs)

Sorry, man, I didn't know you were coming,

but this backseat doesn't

have too many stains.

Oh, it's okay, dirt don't scare me.

(traffic rumbles)

(traffic continues rumbling)

(car beeps)

(car engine revs)

Your car smells weird.

Yeah.

It does.

(slow reggae music)

(slow reggae music continues)

Hey, hey

Oh

Oh, oh, oh

Mm-hmm

Yeah

Gotta move on sometimes

Please let me live, let me live

'Cause I could take back the damage

That I did, that I did

Why do you keep reminding me

Of the person that I don't want to be

Come on, little buddy, we're here.

Double k*ll.

Oh, give it a rest, you're

in the real world now.

Get out and experience it.

How far did we go?

(Fern sighs)

Stop acting like you've

never been outside before.

I haven't been to the

beach since I was a kid, I don't

even know what to do

out... Your assignment is

to get your feet wet past your ankles,

go find 15 uniquely beautiful seashells

and 25 fascinating rocks,

and build a sandcastle no smaller

than five square feet with

your newfound treasures.

Okay.

While we surf and

probably make out a little,

in which case you will

face the other direction.

(slow reggae music continues)

Let me carry it this time?

There you go. (Laughs)

(Fern laughs)

Come on, Skippy.

(waves crashing)

Come on, let's get wet.

These suits are made

to keep you warm in the-

Can I just ease my way into it?

Commit.

(waves continue crashing)

(Fern cries out)

Oh, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no.

Too cold, too cold, too cold, too cold.

(waves continue crashing)

It's so freezing.

I bet you're pretty glad

I didn't let you do

sundress surfing now, huh?

Ha, ha.

You know, these suits are

meant to keep you nice and warm.

Listen, I let you take me skateboarding

and-and basket balling,

but I have to draw

the line at arctic sports.

Arctic?

All right, that's fine.

So what would you rather do,

go for a long romantic

walk on the beach, or?

Mm-hmm.

Huh.

Okay.

That's fine.

You know, I can't go to

libraries or bookstores anymore.

Why not?

(Fern sighs)

I see the thousands of books

on the sea of shelves and I panic,

knowing that I can't finish

them all in my lifetime.

Nobody's lifetime is long enough

to finish all the books on Earth.

Yeah, when I was growing up,

every year my parents

would take us to the beach,

and I loved to just lay in

the sand and read all day.

It was almost as much

fun picking out the book

as it was reading it.

I would always make sure to

finish my book no matter what,

even if it meant that my toes didn't touch

the water the last day of vacation.

Nerd.

(Fern laughs)

But when I moved into the hotel,

I didn't bring a single one.

So you gave up reading books just

because you're afraid of not finishing one?

Well, I guess it's kind of like why

I panicked on our first date.

You don't finish relationships

like you finish a book.

I know, but it's,

it's harder to enjoy when you

know you're close to the end.

I see.

You okay?

Yeah. (Background

noise drowns out speaker)

You keep saying you're okay,

but I believe you less this time.

I guess I have to be okay, you know?

This is me now.

All right.

(waves continue crashing)

Think you can make it to

those dunes over there?

I'll go put some towels down

and we can watch the waves from there.

(background noise drowns out speaker)

(waves continue crashing)

You've enjoyed our time together, right?

(Fern laughs)

Of course, it's been wonderful.

Just wonderful?

Is wonderful not good enough?

I mean, I'm gonna need a

little more than just wonderful

after this epic week, and

if we're bringing Skippy along.

(Fern laughs)

(Fern sighs)

Honestly, all our time

we've spent together has

been the best I've ever had.

Perfection.

Hmm.

Well, I'm relieved to hear

you say that, but I disagree.

It's not perfect yet.

No?

You see that conch

shell right behind you?

(waves continue crashing)

Look underneath.

I wouldn't ask if you were

a conventional woman.

But I don't think I've ever felt any kind

of love like this, maybe ever.

I want to spend the rest of our time,

as much as we have, together.

Sundress, I love you.

Will you marry me?

Cole, I-I love you, but,

but-

No, no but, this is a

ring in a conch shell.

Have you been talking to Tiffany?

Tiffany?

I didn't know I needed her permission.

She told you that I wanted to get married

before I died, didn't she?

I didn't talk to Tiffany.

Well,

well, why else would you ask me so soon?

I rushed into my first marriage, too.

It was great at first.

But we really struggled

to combine our lives.

We fought a lot and we ended up divorcing

before our first anniversary

That's comforting.

It hurt a lot, but after that,

I thought that I needed to take it slow,

but I watched so many

couples living together

for years with the same problems,

and they divorced anyway.

So if we're all doomed,

why not just rush in.

Not exactly.

My wife and I never

worked our problems out.

We just gave up, and after

our divorce, she joked, (laughs)

She joked it was just a practice marriage,

that we'd get it right on the next one.

But I haven't had my practice yet.

We don't need practice,

just commitment, it's

like jumping in the water.

You just stay there until it works out.

Cole, (laughs) and my

impulse is to shout yes

and jump into your arms-

Be impulsive, I love your impulsiveness.

If I say yes,

I bring you into so

much pain, and I, (cries)

I can't do that.

I'm sorry.

Please take me home.

(waves continue crashing)

(waves continue crashing)

There's only so much time

We cannot forget about God and love

And though I'll never understand it

We all come from the same place

The one who made you,

same one who made me

The one who made the

sky and the stars and the sea

But you know religions just separate us

It's why we need to

- Pull over.

Pull over right now!

Always be humble and kind

Don't let the hatred consume your mind

Even though it can be hard to find

All the love just deep inside

Mrs. Kellogg?

Though we're living in some crazy times

In all the darkness,

you can be the light

Focus on living the life

And always be humble and kind

And I dumped Eric.

That's the only good

thing I've heard today. (Cries)

(Fern cries)

(footsteps shuffling)

(machinery whirring)

(gurney rattles)

(ambulance doors slamming)

She told me not to grow up to be like her.

You know she was divorced

three times and still died alone?

I don't think three divorces

are in your future, my love.

No, but I'm already grown up and alone.

Hey, we're always growing

up and you could have Cole,

if you say yes.

I have no right to put him through hell,

for him to watch me slowly fade.

Okay, I'm sure he thought of that

before asking you to marry him,

and now he'll just be alone

too if you abandon him.

I was always going to abandon him.

(Skip sighs)

I thought I'd leave you

before you left me, roomie.

I'll miss you.

I'm sure we'll be

seeing more of each other,

especially if you let

me date your best friend.

Wow, Skip, coming in hot

with some serious confidence.

I've never lacked confidence.

Well, you totally have my permission.

Wait, what?

What do you say, Tiffany?

You want to take this solo game

to multiplayer, coop, duos?

Those words mean nothing to me.

I want to take you to dinner,

seafood, steak, you name it.

I don't know.

What's a little dinner?

All right, as long as

you don't mind just being a rebound date.

Cool, I'll get your number from Fern.

We'll set it up.

(door clicks)

Did he already find a place?

He has a place, actually,

a really nice house in town.

He was just out here

so his friends and family

wouldn't bother him.

Huh, never would have guessed.

(truck beeps)

(Fern sighs)

(Fern sighs)

(truck continues beeping)

(Fern sighs)

(door clicks)

(waves crashing)

(traffic rumbles)

(traffic continues rumbling)

(slow guitar music)

(Fern sighs)

(slow guitar music continues)

(Fern sighs)

(slow guitar music continues)

Just talk with

and then make a further

appointment with Sarah.

(Dr. Schwazer speaking softly)

You may experience some dry mouth.

You may experience some. (Speaking softly)

(slow guitar music continues)

(dish clinking)

Can I get you anything else, miss?

Miss?

No, thanks.

Actually, there was an older woman

who would come in every day

and order the chocolate pancakes.

Do you remember her?

Oh, yeah, I remember her.

(Fern laughs)

You do?

Of course, sweet lady,

and a very good tipper.

(Fern laughs)

Did she go home?

Yeah, yeah, she did.

I'm gonna miss her.

She was becoming part of my routine.

(silverware clinking)

(chair creaks)

I didn't think you'd.

(silverware clinking)

I'm really glad you came.

Tiffany told me if I didn't,

that I'd be in big trouble.

You been talking to Tiffany?

Won't make a habit of it.

My-my,

my parents were amazing

people, I mean, good at everything,

and after they died,

I wanted to continue their legacy,

to prove my worth to

the world, I guess. (Sighs)

So I crashed the white collar

scene and made my mark,

but the problem is, that

mark is probably erased now

that I quit my job.

Maybe.

And I've been-been journaling,

trying to leave something worthwhile,

but I don't know who would read that,

you know, besides Tiffany-

Fern, you're too hard on yourself.

Let me finish.

I still want to leave a mark.

I just want to make

sure that it's the right one

and not some-some horrible scar.

Fern.

Who could possibly be scarring-

You're way too sweet

and optimistic about me.

(slow music)

Will you go for one last drive with me?

(Fern sniffs)

I'm not sure I'm used to the smell yet.

(Cole laughs)

It'll grow on you.

(waves crashing)

Well played, sir, I see

the pirate's potential now.

Potential?

I like that word. (Laughs)

(waves continue crashing)

This is gonna be a good memory;

The kind you wish won't end?

It won't.

I'm going to end,

Cole, we can't fix that.

But memories don't end.

I've made more with you

worth holding onto than,

well, than ever before in my life.

You're just infatuated, I

mean, you barely know me.

(Cole sighs)

Do you remember the scene

from "When Harry Met Sally,"

and how they interviewed

those married couples

who had been together for decades?

You watch way too many girly movies.

My favorite is the arranged marriage

that they interviewed,

where the husband spied on

the wife before they got married

to see if she was pretty.

It's cute, if a bit shallow.

I would have thought so too,

if they hadn't have been

happily married for many years.

It's 'cause she was pretty.

No.

It's 'cause she wasn't pretty.

That's not why they stayed.

(Fern sighs)

Because they committed.

I know that it's sudden,

but I'm done procrastinating my happiness.

It's going to be full of suffering.

It's not possible.

I-I can't let you do that

'cause it will, it... Fern, I'm gonna

have to be a glass half-empty on this one

because I know that it's

gonna be half-full of suffering,

okay, I know that.

But the other half,

the other half is gonna be

full of strawberry lemonade.

(waves continue crashing)

And you'll drive me here every day?

Every day.

Well, maybe some days we can stay in.

You're the boss.

Okay, but there's gotta be

some sort of latency period,

right, because or else it's just weird.

Well, naturally there's going

to have to be some sort of planning,

and I probably am gonna

need to learn a few things

about you, such as your real name.

Well, I don't know, I

might be ready for marriage,

but I don't know if I'm ready for that yet.

Get over here. (Fern laughs)

Sink or swim

I will rise above you

Bright lights and

It's Ashleigh, isn't

it, with the L-I-E-G-I-H,

or whatever it is?

You're impossible.

It's a hyphenated name, is it, it's not,

- Kara-Lynn, Kara-Lynn.

- No, no.

Sarah Lynn.

No, you're not gonna get it.

Jackie? (Sighs)

I'm gonna, I'm gonna guess it.

(slow reggae music)

(slow reggae music continues)

(slow reggae music continues)

(slow reggae music)

[Fern] Dear journal,

we did wait a responsible amount of time,

about two weeks, 10 days, to be exact.

We kept the planning pretty low key,

and the availability of

the venue was wide open.

(slow reggae music continues)

I'll have to fill you in on Skip and Tiff

in the pages to come, but

I've got a pretty good feeling.

We can take this long winding road

See the views

Soak up the sun

When it's over, we'll

have had our fun, yeah

It's all right

I'm right here

It's okay

You don't have to fear

The way you love me

I can tell that it's real

So don't you worry

I ain't going nowhere

I'm right here

I'm right here

The past can launch you, the future's

[Fern] And yes, I wore a sundress.

We'll be all right, just

gotta keep the faith

Please remember this one last thing

There's always growth

after the rain, yeah

It's all right

I'm right here

It's okay

You don't have to fear

(slow reggae music)

(slow reggae music continues)

(slow reggae music continues)

(slow reggae music continues)

(slow reggae music continues)

(slow reggae music continues)

(slow reggae music continues)

Swimming in the deep, deep water

Try to navigate

Throw myself in the fire

Come out unscathed

Surrounded by a den of wolves

But I don't need their praise

You know no weapon formed

Will prosper today

And I say

Why must they hate

With so much disdain

Life ain't no game

Can't remain the same, oh, no

Swimming in the deep, deep water

Gotta navigate

Throw myself in the fire

Come out unscathed

Surrounded by a den of wolves

But I don't need their praise

You know no weapon formed

Will prosper today

And I say I love you

Why you want me to fall

Gave so much

You took it all

It gets so hard to understand

But I still stand tall

You made me part of who I am

So it's all thanks to y'all