01x10 - The Jig is Up

[bunniefuu]

And that's Orville and Adele,

my great grandparents

on my mother's side.

Voila, that's the Smith

family tree.

(kids clapping)

Okay, so, who would like to

present their family tree?

Yeah, you. Blue. Come on up.

Thanks, Donna.

Okay. Let's-- Let's do it

like this, I think

(chuckling)

I'll start here with my

great-great-great-great-great

Granny Marie.

She had one leg

bigger than the other.

My great-great-great-great

my cousin Will.

great-great-great gran

my great-great-great-great

great-great

great-great-great

Cousin

Grandpa Cyril

my great-great-great

my great-great-great

cousin Teddy, Auntie Fred.

great-great Grandpa Rick.

And then finally there's me.

But both my legs

are the same size.

(kids clapping lethargically)

Wow. That was very

extensive.

And now to explain

my mum's side.

Kids: No!

(kids groaning)

Yes, I can love you, baby

All night long

Roger:

Welcome to Treaty Days,

where the Res shuts down

for a weekend of fun,

friendship,

and deadly competitions!

Don't forget to

drop by at the RCMP tent

to pick up your treaty money.

Nothing like getting

five bucks a year for signing

an old tapeanak treaty

back in the 1800s.

I haven't collected

my treaty in 20 years.

I'm about to get a big pay day.

Five bucks a year for 20 years?

You'll be rich!

Don't worry,

I won't let it get to my head.

I'll still be the movie man.

That reminds me. You got my USB?

You won't believe it.

I was walking over with your USB

and my pants caught on a log.

A wolf came out of nowhere,

real hungry looking.

It was me or the USB.

That's the second USB

you said got eaten, Ed.

You're cut off!

You can't cut me off.

Lil' Tony already cut me off.

Let me make it up to you.

I got a hot tip.

The treaty line actually

starts over here this year.

Really?

You look tired.

If you wanna sleep for a while,

I'd be happy to

keep our spot in line.

You're still cut off, Ed.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Rest your eyes, sweet prince.

I'll wake you up

when the Mounties come.

(gasping)

What the f*ck?

Ed!

Hey! Shouldn't-a banned me.

(groaning)

Hey, Jo. That exercise

machine you ordered

came in on the barge.

Oh. That's great news, Brady.

Thanks.

Uh, there is something else.

The band office didn't

make the last payment,

so there's still $1000 owing.

Dammit, Deedee.

Sorry, but North Store policy

states that if it doesn't get

paid in the next two days,

it goes up for sale.

Dammit, Brady.

It's okay, I get it.

So long as nobody else

is interested, I'll be fine.

There is someone

else in the mix.

This is Laughingstick

in the morning

saying I am in the mix.

What the hell, Roger?

Ol' Laughingstick's

gotta get buff,

cause he's got

a photo sh**t for his annual

Hot Babe of Grouse Lake

Radio calendar.

Just buy it and put in the gym

so everyone else can use it!

Nah, I'd really like to be

the only one getting jacked.

Hello, how else am I gonna

make the cover?

It's your own damn calendar!

(groaning)

Damn it, Mom. Deedee was

supposed to make the last

payment on the workout machine

and she bailed.

We still owe 1000 bucks.

Chickadee: Damn, mom.

All you talk about is

that skinny teen machine.

Jo: I made a promise.

As a band councillor you're

supposed to help your people.

The only thing that

can help those teens now

is Lightning Legs.

We need to go sign up with Rita.

Who's Lightning Legs?

Agnes: Tell her.

No one's called me Lightning

Legs in a long, long time.

It was 2002.

Your Uncle and I were

a big deal in pairs jigging.

Across Indian Country

we were known as

Lightning Legs and Bannock Boy.

Uncle was a great dancer,

but he was always late,

'cause he's lazy and selfish.

Make some--

Give me some room up here.

Jo: The competition

was about to start.

Seriously?

Would it k*ll you to be on time?

Jo: He was sick of me,

I was sick of him.

Go on then! Go on!

Jo: He quit jigging on the spot.

Chickadee: So that's why he

only does eating contests now?

Jo: There's more.

I needed a partner fast,

so I went to the person

who taught me.

- (narrating) He had fast legs.

- Faster!

Faster!

Go faster!

But I made him go too fast.

He's too fast.

(audience clamouring)

You're going to k*ll him!

- (exploding, crowd screaming)

- Paul: He exploded!

I vowed never to jig again.

Roger:

They're struggling really hard,

and the yellow flag

is still in the middle,

and they're getting closer,

and they won!

Why you lookin' all sad arse?

Jo's all pissed at me

because I let Roger put

his name in for

the exercise machine,

but that's just store policy.

Okay, you're a grown man,

you've got to stop whining

and sh**t your shot.

You think I have a shot?

No.

Oh.

Okay, I'll help you out,

but you're way too predictable

and way too available.

But I'll help you again.

I will start a rumour.

Oh, yeah?

What kind of rumour?

Are you going to, like, make up

girlfriend for me or something?

Yeah, get this,

you and Rita are an item.

Oh. Um

Not sure that's

the kind of rumour I need.

(groaning)

Hey, Movie Man,

how's the weather back there?

(groaning)

You greasy

son of a b*tch.

Whoa, somebody left a full

pot of coffee

over here in the bush.

(sniffing)

Still smells fresh.

I'm not falling for it!

Where's the coffee then, boy?

Hey, who here's been

screwed over by Ed?

Ed: You're gonna turn on me?

After all the money

I borrowed from you?

f*ck off, Ed.

Nobody f*ck with the Movie Man.

(ringing bell)

Hey! Lookin' good, brother.

Did you get a new hat

at the big noggin store?

What do you want, Jo?

Nothing.

I'm just saying hi

to my baby brother

who I miss doing fun stuff with.

Fun stuff?

Like the time you

set my ant farm on fire?

(chuckling)

You're so funny, Paul.

Sometimes at night

I can still hear them screaming.

Hey, here's a crazy idea,

wanna sign up for pairs jigging?

(laughing)

I hate asking for favours,

and I need the prize money

to help the skinny teens.

What do you say?

You're being

the one that's funny.

Lightning Legs and Bannock Boy

back together?

Are we all forgetting

that the last time that

you jigged with somebody,

he literally exploded?

Plus, my plate is full

with eating contests.

It's my payday today, not yours!

I'm not the one

that's going to explode!

Yeah you are!

Besides,

I don't even have my outfit.

It's at the old school,

in my old locker.

In the scary part.

Uncle chicken sh*t over here.

No one's scared of

the old school. Right, ma?

Yeah, for sure.

I go in there all the time.

Unlike Paul who's

scared of everything.

As if.

Boo.

Get out of here!

(laughing)

Yeah, it's all true.

I snagged myself a young man

and he's got a good job, too.

Sign me up for singles.

Oh, I'm sorry. Singles is full.

Only pairs left.

Roger: Looks like old Iron

Stomach is in the lead again,

and there's

no chance for Grumps.

(crowd cheering)

(slapping table)

Cheque please!

f*ck', Iron Stomach.

Sign me and Paul up for pairs.

Rita: Oh!

Lightning Legs and Bannock Boy!

It's a Treaty Days miracle.

(dinging)

Mm, cheque please!

- (dinging)

- Mm, cheque please!

I don't think I can go on.

Just kidding!

Mm, cheque please!

Get another

f*cking catch phrase

Unbelievable.

Congratulations, man.

Hey, can we talk?

I can't. I gotta go

do this interview.

Paul, your fans want to know,

what's your secret?

You know, you can't leave

anything on the table.

You know?

Like, we train for this

all summer long

with hunting dogs.

I lived as one of them.

Very disciplined.

We would eat until we threw up.

Shout out to the boys.

Sparky, Shadow, Buddy.

We did it!

(laughing)

Yes, you did it.

Congratulations, man.

We should get outta here.

We need to find

Paul's costume.

My mom's entering this jigging

contest for you hot rods.

- (rattling)

- (gasping)

f*ck sakes.

Yeah, me and

the North Store manager

got a good thing going.

Oh, and he's a good lover,

puts my needs first.

And he got me pregnant too.

My grandkids are

going to be uncles.

(laughing)

That Rita stuff was

just a dumb rumour.

I didn't get her pregnant.

I only like her as a friend.

How could you?

Just hear me out.

I signed us up

for pairs jigging.

I'm done with that sh*t!

Plus, I just ate

nine pounds of pie.

Please?!

I need that prize money.

Well, you should have thought

about that before you decided to

become a giant

arsehole your whole life.

Those skinny teens

aren't your responsibility

and they sure

as hell ain't mine.

You should try

responsibility sometime.

I don't just get

everything handed to me.

Like the lodge.

That's bullshit, Jo.

You've never wanted that lodge.

You always thought

you were better than me,

so why should I help you?

Hey! You guys better

stop fighting about

sh*t that doesn't matter.

I know some ants that did

and they got burned alive.

I miss them every single day.

Man: Excuse me, young man.

May I?

My arthritis is bad.

Oh, yeah. Sure.

Yeah. Okay. No problem.

Ed?

Get the f*ck

outta here, Ed.

f*cking Edna.

(knocking)

Hurry up, it's freaky in here.

Would you hold still?

Boy: Think I saw bat sh*t.

(eerie whispering)

That bat said my name.

I'm in.

Eerie Voice: m*rder.

There's nothing there.

(knocking)

Both: Holy sh*t.

That wasn't even scary.

Boy: Woo!

Roger: This is

Laughingstick coming at you

live from pairs dancing.

It's elimination style.

You dance 'til

you can't dance no more.

Give it up for

tonight's judge, Lips.

(crowd cheering)

Let's have a clean dance.

Nothing slips by Lips.

You hear?!

What the hell, Lips?

First place prize

is a thousand bucks.

(audience cheering)

Second place,

a big a*s ham.

(applauding)

This is pairs,

so, if you're not a pair,

get off the floor.

I'm looking at you, Jo.

Hey, I was already

looking at you.

Okay!

(gasping)

Roger: Wait! What's this?

It's Bannock Boy!

I can't believe it!

Lighting Legs and Bannock Boy

are back together!

(cheering)

Nice to see you

come out of retirement.

How'd you get

your old outfit back?

Oh, uh, a little

birdie helped me out.

Let's go!

Dancers on your marks.

Will Jo push Paul

to the grand prize

or to the nursing station?

For me, I hope

it's nursing station,

cause papa wants

a workout machine.

And go!

- (cheering)

- (music playing)

You're dead!

You're going down, Jo!

Shut up, Beanpole!

We're down to

the last two teams.

It's Lightning Legs

and Bannock Boy

Versus The Furious Steppers.

(people cheering, clapping)

I need a break.

There are no breaks, Paul.

Push it!

I'm so sorry, sister.

I know I'm a sh*t brother.

I know I'm spoiled,

but it's-- it's just--

it's so hard to

be good at anything

when you're good at everything.

It's not about you, Paul!

Go faster!

Go faster.

Faster!

Faster, come on!

Paul: You're going to k*ll him!

(exploding)

Faster!

Push it!

Push it!

You better not even

(retching)

He exploded!

The machine is mine!

(cheering)

The winners are

the Furious Steppers!

Next time you see me,

I'mma have

a gold f*cking tooth.

Whoo!

Roger: Now everyone, give it up

for Jo and her big a*s ham!

Hey, um,

don't tell my mom I said this,

but thank you for

at least trying.

I knew we wouldn't

get the exercise machine.

Hey, the great ones

always explode.

Sorry I let you down.

Here, take this.

No, that's your money.

It's the easiest

money I ever made.

The teens need that machine.

Thanks,

but it's still not enough.

Don't worry.

I got all the answers to

your problem right here.

I haven't collected my treaty

money in over 20 years.

You know what that means?

That you have $100?

That's it?

f*ck.

Well

you can have it.

Uh, thanks,

but we're still short.

Now it's time for the freestyle!

My girl, slam the ham.

It's not over until

you're finished dancing.

You're doing good, my dear.

You're doing really good.

Looks like the community's

throwing down tribute.

(crowd cheering)

Everyone! Excuse me, everyone.

Hi, uh, there's been a lot of

talk about my love life today,

and I just want to just say,

for the record,

all the rumours are true.

Rita and I are

definitely a thing.

She's having my child.

And I can't wait for us to

start our new life together.

(crowd exclaiming)

That was a nice thing

you did for your sister.

I dunno.

It kinda feel like

I'm growing up in real time.

I'm glad you said that,

because I think I'm pregnant.

(retching)

Ew!

Jo: So, Rita, eh?

Oh, um

We're not really together.

I know.

I just think it's really

sweet of you to play along.

Uh, thanks.

Josephine.

Stay the heck away from my man.

Oh. I'm so sorry, Rita.

Yeah, I talked to Agnes.

I'm happy to make Jo jealous,

but just to let you know,

you're just a friend.

I know, Rita.

Yeah, just a friend,

no benefits.

I get it, Rita.

Can I tell you something?

Of course.

I think I'm going

to run for Chief.

Hells yeah!

Can I tell you something?

I think I'm going to be a dad.

Damn.

Hey.

You're gonna make a great Chief.

And you know what?

You're gonna be a dad.

Thanks?

Roger: Another Treaty Day

celebration has come and gone.

No gettin' buff machine

for Laughingstick,

but no sweat.

It's times like these,

that I find myself

reflecting on the season

that is coming to a close.

What a wild ride we've been on,

Grouse Lake.

I believe

this belongs to you.

Hey, speaking of wild rides,

how many of you been

bucked off a bison?

Lines are open.

Held my tongue in

a code of silence

Assessed the worth

of the Oka violence

And it's been a fight

for what is right

Ancient treaties denied

1990 calling, Indian Summer

You could feel the beat

Of a distant drummer

So strong with pride

Side by side

We shared

a social changing tide

Got to run as one now

It's begun,

and I feel the beat

Of a different drum

And close our ranks

And give our thanks

To the spirit up above