02x01 - The Curse of Eewcorpico, Part 1

[bunniefuu]

[dog barks]

- [groaning]

[sighs]
Kids,

I have an announcement to make.

We're broke.
We need a miracle

to knock on that door
right now.

[knock on door]

[anticipatory music]

both: Marty!

- Mom? Dad?

- Hello, miracle!

[upbeat music]

♪ Don't wanna go
to school today ♪

♪ The sun is red hot
and I wanna play ♪

♪ But if I get caught
they'll make me pay ♪

♪ Detention again ♪

- ♪ Big Nate, Big Nate ♪

- ♪ Math and social studies
just ain't my thing ♪

- ♪ Big Nate, Big Nate ♪

- ♪ Rocking with my band
is where I'm king ♪

♪ Stealing the teacher's teeth
or bailing on a test ♪

- ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Big Nate ♪

[loud clang]

[loud crash]

all: Hey!

- Meet my grandparents,
Vern and Marge Wright.

Unpredictable meets
anything goes.

Whenever they come to visit,
awesome things happen!

- Ow!
[whispers] Stop kicking.

- Ugh! Quiet, Ellen!

Three grown-up tickets

for the grown-up movie, please,

for us three...
[chuckles]

grown-ups.

[yelps]

[bell rings]
- Here you go.

There you are.

- [whistling]
- [laughing]

- Stop! Stop!
- Go! Go!

- Give me
the T-shirt cannon, Nate!

- No doubt
I'm their grandson, huh?

- Nate!
- Gramps!

- Ellen, dear!
- Oof!

Hi, Gram.

- Oh, boy, here we go again.

- [chuckling]

- Mom, Dad, this is unexpected.

- Well, can't a father drop in

to see his favorite son
once in a while?

- Ah, favorite son?

We all know Ted's
your favorite, Dad.

- Oh, Marty, that's not true.

- Oh, yeah.
He's your mother's favorite.

- [sighs]
- Vern!

- Hey, Ellen! Look at me.

Pull my finger.
- Okay, Gramps,

I think I'm a little old
for this.

- Go on. Pull it.

- [screams]

- [laughs]

[gags]

[shivers]

Um...
- [chuckling]

- What happened
to your finger, Gramps?

- That, my boy,
is a gruesome, bloody story.

I was trapped on an ice floe
with a psychotic polar bear.

Suddenly--
- [scoffs]

He had an accident
with an electric hedge trimmer.

- Epic!

- Enough small talk.

Why have you really come?

I--I know there's a reason.

There's always a reason.

- Come on, Vern!

Tell them!

- [laughing]

How would you all like
to be millionaires?

- Oh!
- Oh, yeah!

Legend has it that somewhere
off the coast of Maine,

buried on a secret island,
lies a treasure

known as
the Treasure of Eewcorpico.

[dolphin trills]

No one knows exactly
what's buried on there,

only that its contents
are worth a hefty fortune.

And look who managed
to get himself a treasure map.

- Treasure hunt! Treasure hunt!

all: Smash it all
and we'll buy new stuff!

[overlapping speech]
- Hmm.

I may be able to afford
a lock on my door!

- Hold on, people.
Mom, Dad,

how do I know this isn't
just another one

of your infamous
get-rich-fast schemes?

- I don't know
what you're talking about.

- Oh, yes, you do.

You remember the time
you invested

my paper route money
in a wax museum

in the middle of a desert?

Or when you shaved off
Ted and my hair

and sold it
to the highly ill*gal

human hair coat market?

Or the time you traded
our family heirlooms

to breed lorises--

that turned out to be rats!

- Those lorises were cute.

- They weren't lorises!

- I'm telling you,
this time is different.

I'm giving you the chance
of a lifetime, boy.

- Ugh, come on, Dad!

You never let me do
anything awesome!

- You just said we were broke!

[dogs whimpering]

- Okay, fine.

But how are we gonna get

to this so-called
treasure island?

[epic music]

You bought a boat?

- Yep.
And look what we named her.

[harp flourish]

- [whimpers]

- I'm going to make you proud
this time, son.

- Oh, Papa!

- [chuckling]
Okay, there, there.

Not comfortable.

[boat horn blares]

- Hey, Dee Dee, think fast!

- [gasps]

- Look at us, drama-free,

not following
any half-baked schemes

that could get us into way more
trouble than we bargained for.

- Still, I can't believe Nate
would go on a treasure hunt

and not invite us!

- Amy is away in the Hamptons
visiting her dad,

and I'm...with you guys.

I for one could use a little
bit more drama in my life.

- Whoa-hoh-hoh-hoh!

Whoo!

[loud crash]
Ow! Ay!

all: Uncle Pedro?

- [inhales sharply, laughs]

One of my better landings!

I couldn't help
but overhear you say

your spiky-haired friend has
embarked on a treasure hunt.

- Yeah, it's true, Uncle Pedro!

Nate went on a boat
with his grandparents

searching
for a treasure island!

- Hm.
Did he happen to say

what the treasure was called?

- Eew...
- Sorry.

I think it's me.

I haven't bathed
in well over 40 days.

I also think I'm in heat.

- Uh, no, no, that's
the name of the treasure.

Eew--ah, something.

- [gasps]
The Treasure of Eewcorpico!

Children, your friend, Nate,
is in great danger!

[all gasp]

- [screams]

- The Treasure of Eewcorpico
is cursed!

Legend has it that anyone
who seeks it will encounter

a series of perils.

First, a terrible storm.
[all screaming]

Then an enchanting
saltwater siren.

- [shrieks]

- Finally, all will be
swallowed by a great whale.

Had a friend who went out
looking for the treasure,

never seen again!

Or at least
he never called me back.

- Curse or no curse,

this sounds like a journey
the Wright family

is ill-equipped to handle.

- Francis is right!

- Then we have
to go after them.

But where are we gonna
find a boat?

- Ah.

I always carry a boat
on my person.

[classic rock playing]

- How am I doing, Dad?

- What are you doing
all that work for?

Why, it's called autopilot,
Magellan.

- [Australian accent]
Autopilot activated.

- You see, Marty,
sea living is all about

letting technology
do the work for us.

[peaceful music]

[both sigh]
- I love sea life.

[burps]

- [chuckles] Nice.

- Marty tells me you're
quite the student, Ellen.

- Yeah, well, I have a 4.3 GPA.

Actually, I'm pretty
proud of that.

I--
- Pfft, waste of time.

Everything worth knowing can
be found on the streets

with nothing more than a sly
grin and a roll of nickels.

- I couldn't agree more, Gram!

But don't expect
Ellen to get it.

She's not like us.
She's a, uh--

how do I say this--
a "by the book" person.

Oof! See?

- You know what?
It's getting chilly.

I'm gonna go get a jacket.

What the junk?

[all burping]

- Oh! That's three generations
of burp right there.

- [whispers] Nate.

Nate.
- Whoa!

- I think Gram and Gramps might
be hiding something from us.

- Oh, come on,
that's ridiculous.

I mean, just because
Gram and Gramps love me

more than you doesn't
automatically mean

there's something
wrong with them.

[lightning crashes]

[dramatic music]

- Uh, Dad?

- It's just a bit
of lightning, Marty.

Not as if we're about to have
ourselves a full-on storm.

[thunder rumbles]

[all scream]

- Look! The curse is
starting to take effect!

- Okay, so what now?

- No clue. I'm not a leader.

I observe. I contemplate.

Sometimes I dance.

[upbeat music]

[music stops]
How about you, kid?

- Me? Oh, no.

[gags]

[retches]

- Gross. Teddy?

- Psh, nah, you know me.

I'm a "go with the flow"
kind of guy.

- And I'm most definitely
a follower.

- Okay, guys,
it's like you're begging me

to reprise my role
as Bonnie Boneregarde,

the Soggy Sovereign
of the Seven Seas!

- Something tells me
you had this planned.

- Look alive,
ye lily-livered cods!

Batten down the hatches

and set a course
for Nate Wright!

♪ ♪

[all screaming]

both: Dad!

- I got you!

[both whimpering]

[strains]

[all grunt]

- [chuckles]
What is a high seas adventure

without a little drama?

Everybody good?

- No. We're not good.

We have to turn back!

- Uh, Ellen...
[laughs nervously]

The treasure.

- Forget about
the treasure, Nate!

We could have died.

And Dad is totally losing it.

- [whimpering]

- Marty, it was very manly
and brave what you did,

saving your kids like that.

- Huh?
- I want you to have this hat.

You're the captain now.

- ♪ Captain feeling
less insecure! ♪

- And as the captain
of this boat,

the choice is yours, son.

- No, Papa, we continue on.

- How do you feel about your
precious Gram and Gramps now?

Hmm?
- Well, I mean,

so--so you didn't get the right
family adventure gene

and you came out ugly.

You don't have to be
all sore about it.

- Ugh!

Come with me.

Why would Gram and Gramps need
their tennis rackets?

- Uh, spaghetti straining?

- Or their piano?

- Hey, what's a pleasure cruise

without a little music?

- Or their collection

of his and hers
burlap underwear?

- Oh, well, that's, uh--

yeah, okay, I got nothing.

- Their whole lives are here!

Nate, I don't know, but I think

Gram and Gramps are living
on this boat!

[both gasp]

- This family didn't
raise no narcs.

[chomping]

- Step to,
you scurvy-ridden sea dogs,

or I'll be organizing
your reception with Davy Jones!

- Is she always like this?

- Mm, only every day.

- Dee Dee,
would you cut it out?

I'm nauseous enough as it is.

[gags, retches]

- Call me Bonnie!

I'm the most
bloodthirsty pirate

on the seven seas, me hearties!

- But you're not a pirate,
and we're not your "hearties"!

We're a couple of kids
and a weird uncle!

Uh, no offense.

- None taken, boy with a heart
of lost dreams.

- How does he know?

- How dare ye talk
to your captain this way!

Apologize or I'll be sending ye

on a one-way trip
to the briny deep!

[all gasp]

What? Too much?

- No, sh--shark!

[all scream]

- Do you mind?

I'm kind of in the middle
of a speech here!

[cheers and laughter]

[both chuckle nervously]

- [whispers] I have
to tell Dad what we saw!

- Well, you'll
never get past Gram.

[metal scraping]

- [disembodied voice]
♪ Martin ♪

- [snoring]
- Psst, Dad!

Did you hear that?

- Hear what?

I think you've had
too many Bloaty Pops, son.

- ♪ Martin ♪

[operatically] ♪ Martin ♪

- [gasps] A fish woman!

She's beautiful!

- ♪ Martin, Martin ♪

Oh, Martin!

Save me!

- I've got to save her.

- No, Marty!

You can't trust me sea women!

- I'm coming,
goddess of the mermaid lagoon!

[exciting music]

[gasps]

♪ ♪

[grunts]

Yuck!

- Uh, Dad?

This isn't a mermaid lagoon.

It's a chemical spill!

[creatures snarling]

[hard rock music]

♪ ♪

- Holy mackerel!

- The fish woman was bait!

- Oh, we better get
out of here!

[strains]

Ah! We're stuck!

[straining]

- Quick!

Arm yourselves!

[beeping]

- I'm running out of buttons.

- What are we gonna do?

- I'm overriding the autopilot.

We've gotta get out of here!

♪ ♪

[tense music]

♪ ♪

- [sighs]

- Maybe now's a good time
to talk to Dad

about you-know-who.

- Ah, cool your jets, Ellen.

I mean, let's say
Gram and Gramps are

living on this boat.

I mean, what's the big deal?

- There's a lot more
to it than that.

And I'm going
to turn the screws

until I find out what.

Dad?
- There, there, Marty.

Mama's here.

- Thanks, Mom.

You know, I think I really had

a connection with that mermaid

before she turned
into hazardous waste.

[sobs]

[exciting music]

♪ ♪

- That thar is the rock.

But where be the sirens?

- Look at that!

[seagull screeches]

The EEW! Corporation is
responsible for this!

- Oh, I love EEW!

They make Beardy O's!

Yeah!
And Beardy Yum Yums

and Beardy Pops,
and Beardy Bongo Blasts--

- Arrr! But they're soulless
corporate scallywags!

Look what their greed has done
to the ocean!

A moment of silence, mateys,

for all the innocent creatures
of the briny deep.

- Aw, what's wrong, Francis?

You look like the patch
of rough elbow skin

I rub in times of trouble.

- I was just kind of hoping
to see a real siren.

- [high-pitched] Oh-hoh!

I will be your siren, François!

[kissing noises]

Come frolic with me...
- Hey! Quit it!

- Under the waves.
- I said stop, Teddy!

Agh! Uh!
[laughter]

- Shiver me timbers!

'Tis the mark of our best
bucko, Nate Wright!

- The Wrights must have
already been here.

- Then your friends are soon
to be swallowed by a whale.

- Not on my watch!

Step to, lads!

Heave h*!

- You know, Marty,

this isn't the first time
you've dated a toxic woman.

- Don't start, Mom.

- Like Darla, your imaginary
girlfriend from high school.

- Darla was real, Mom.

- And then there was Fabula.

She marries you, divorces you,
becomes a millionaire,

and doesn't give you
or the kids one lousy nickel.

- Hey, Fabula might
have her flaws,

but she's still the mother
of my two wonderful children.

She's not a bad person.

- She left you
for her yoga instructor.

- Okay, she's sort of
a bad person.

I need to go lie down.

- Wait! There's something
I need to tell you!

- Mom! Dad!

Why is all your stuff
down here?

Care to explain?

- Well, we had to get
the house fumigated.

Huge c*ck.

- Six feet long, Marty!

Basically alligators
with wings.

- The man from animal control
said we had to vacate

for a few months--

eh, maybe a year--

eh, maybe forever!

- So now we get to live
on this boat!

- [growls]

So you sold the house
for a shoddy boat

and a bogus treasure map?

- Bingo!

See? I told you he'd get it.

- That house was supposed
to be my inheritance!

Have you told Ted about this?

- Ah, couldn't reach him.

You know Ted,
always couch-surfing.

Why, he's got that
Wright family adventurer gene.

[chuckles] Love him.

- I need some air.

- Uh, we're still going

on a treasure hunt, right?

- I should've known better
than to trust you guys.

You're always roping me
into your stupid schemes!

What's worse is now
you've roped

my kids into your mess too.

- You should be
thanking us, Marty!

This treasure
is gonna be ten times

the inheritance
you would've had.

- Yeah!

We just gotta find it.

- [groans]

- Hey!

Hey!

Over here!
- Wait, is that--

- Dee Dee?

- Turn back!

- Is she saying "lunch sack"?

- Oh, let's hope so.
I'm famished.

[loud clang]

[all gasp]

[all scream]

[all screaming]

- [screams]

[all coughing]

- Are we--

[dramatic music]

both: We're trapped in a whale!

- I'll never be able
to backpack around Europe

after high school, fall in love

with a handsome Spaniard
named Eduardo

whose family will
reject our love!

[sobs]
- Oh, no, no!

I'll never get to prank
another teacher again

or--or express my love
to Jenny!

No. I can't accept that!

Nay! I won't accept that!

- You lied to me! Oof.

- Yes, Marty,

we know we lied
about the house.

- No, the boat!

You didn't name it after me!

- Sure, we did.

- Look!

- Ah, dag nabbit.

The salesman promised me
that paint was waterproof.

- [groans]

[loud thud]
[all exclaim]

- Huh?

- Nate! You're alive!

- Dee Dee!
You're dressed as a pirate.

Wow, you know what?

I actually find that
oddly comforting right now.

- [laughing]

both: Mm.

all: Mm.

- Hey! The g*ng's all here!

Hashtag stalker vibes.

- Yeah, we couldn't let you get
destroyed by the curse, bro!

- Yay!
Now we get to live out

the rest of our lives together
in this whale!

That is so great!

- Well, at least
we won't starve.

- Beardy Yum Yums
and Bloaty Pop?

This whale just keeps
gettin' better!

[chomping]

[belches]

- Grandma Marge, Grandpa Vern,

I'm Francis,
Nate's oldest friend.

- You're the boy
who barfed on that clown

at Nate's birthday party.

- [laughing]
Yeah, yeah, that's him!

- Hey!
Knock, knock,

loving the chitchat, really,

but maybe we should be trying
to think of ways to--

I don't know--
get out of this whale?

- [chewing loudly]

- We could just wait--
- Oh!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right, right, right.

Okay, um, we need to get him

to open his mouth.

- Uh, well, like I was saying--

- Uncle Pedro speaks whale.

- Tuna, actually.

But the guttural squeaks
and trills are similar.

- Eh, couldn't hurt to try.

- [inhales deeply]

[imitating whale]

[all screaming]

Sorry. I'm a little rusty.

- Anyone else got
any good ideas?

- Well, if you would wait
just a second to listen to me!

- [burps]
No time to wait!

- [laughs] That's it!

We'll make the whale burp!

Okay, okay. Uh, let's see.

Grab all the Bloaty Pop
you can find

and pour it
into the whale's stomach!

[epic music]

♪ ♪

all: Whoa!

- Aye! She's gonna blow!

[whale burps inwardly]

- Uh, what is that smell?

- Ah, it's the classic case

of a timid burper
swallowing a burp.

Been there, buddy!

- Okay, well, that was a bust.

- We're gonna be
stuck down here

in this giant fish forever!

[sobs]

[mystical music]

- [gasps]

I see the light!

I'm going towards it!

- That's the blowhole!

I've been trying
to tell you guys

that's our way out of here!

♪ ♪

- All right, brainiac.

But how do we get
to the blowhole?

- [chuckles] I have an idea.

- ♪ I could lift you up ♪
[cricket chirrs]

♪ I could show you
what you wanna see ♪

♪ And take you
where you wanna be ♪

♪ You could be my luck ♪

♪ Even if the sky
is falling down ♪

♪ I know that we'll
be safe and sound ♪

♪ ♪

- [straining]

[suspenseful music]

Dad!

- It's got my finger!

Save yourself, son.

- What, the--the fake one?

Well, just take it off!

- It's the only one I've got.

- You got seven others!

We gotta go, Dad.
The whole family is waiting.

- Just leave me!

- Are you kidding me right now?

We don't have time for this!

- I said unhand me!

- Everyone,
pull my dad's finger!

[epic music]

- No. Stop.

[all straining]

♪ ♪

[anticipatory music]

♪ ♪

[all gasp]

[all screaming]

- Nate! Ellen!

- Dad!