01x03 - Life on Pause

[bunniefuu]

[music playing]

[Jane] We're home.

[Laura] Come on!

I'm freezing.

Good boy.

[door opens]

[Jane] Hi.

[Gabriel] Hi.

- How are you?

- Oh, my God.

- So good to see you, honey.

- You too.

I heard you got a job, huh?

A job?

Yeah, the modeling thing?

You're gonna work

as a model, right?

I mean, we'll see.

Don't know for sure yet.

You still gotta finish

high school, though, right?

Exactly, yeah.

L.A. was really nice.

- I missed you.

- I missed you too.

How have you been?

I'm good. Your dad took

good care of me.

Are we all here?

Yeah.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Hi, honey.

- How are you?

Oh, my God!

So good to see you.

I missed you.

Mwah. I missed you.

[crickets chirping]

[indistinct chatter]

[Jane] Everyone's in bed

right now.

I'm

eating my dad's

chicken salad.

And this little bread thing.

I love you, L.A.

I had a great time.

Um

Time to go back to

school, I guess.

Back to regular life.

It was fun to be a model

for a good week.

Good night.

And that's me,

my normal self,

which is on my phone.

And then suddenly, like,

Ka-bam, b*tch.

I look so good.

It's so weird, because I went

from my small town,

went across the country and did

photoshoots and everything.

Did this whole competition,

and then I was just like right

back to where I started.

Which is fine. I knew that

was gonna happen.

But I was just like

I do not wanna

be here right now.

[keyboard clacking]

I'm gonna be on the Slay

website now,

and, I don't know,

I think I might be able

to get some modeling jobs.

I'm not really sure yet.

Here's Ally.

So here's

Ooh, it's

[indistinct]

I miss them, all my

Slay girls.

[laughter]

I can't do it.

Uhh!

[laughter]

[Jane] Since coming back

from L.A.,

and being in Sparta,

it just feels so much

smaller to me.

I was doing so many

amazing things,

and it was so much fun,

and I met so many cool

people.

I just miss that

excitement, I guess.

This sh*t is disgusting!

Get down the f*cking drain,

you little

Get in there!

[indistinct]

[David] You giving her a bath?

- Yeah.

- Huh?

The sink? I'm giving her

a bath.

[David] You're enjoying it, huh?

Not really.

[woman talking on TV]

[doorbell rings]

[dogs barking]

- Morning.

- Hi.

[screams]

[barking continues]

Shut up!

Thanks!

Please get down.

- Now.

- [laughs]

[music playing in car]

[laughing, shouting]

[indistinct chatter]

[Jane] Hi, Ashley.

[music playing]

[laughing, chatting]

Ow.

[Jane] What are you doing?

[laughing]

Soaking f*cking wet!

So my school locked

my friend's car in!

[Jane]

It's March 2nd,

and the competition

it's been, like, two weeks.

It's really no one's business,

but I'm gonna have my surgery.

My confirmation surgery.

About the surgery.

The date is June 17th.

And

My whole life is gonna change.

It's just I've been

waiting for it.

It's been, like,

five years now.

And I've wanted it so bad

and for so long,

Now that it's happening,

it's just It just doesn't

feel real.

I feel like someone needs to

like, pinch me or something.

But I'm really excited.

[man on TV] now more than

100 people have fallen ill,

raising concerns that

the virus might spread

to surrounding areas.

At least four states,

including Oregon and Ohio,

have now ordered

all schools closed

while other states are

considering similar measures.

[Jane] Good morning.

Morning Mae.

[indistinct]

[Jane] We're in quarantine.

It's Tuesday.

March 17th.

And it's 10:00.

[woman on TV] As the federal

government races to respond,

the nation's top infectious

disease expert

is sounding the alarm over

a lack of testing

So I don't have school

for two weeks.

I mean, I still have school.

We're doing online classes.

Now I just

do the work.

[Jane] What are you making?

[Laura] Pizza dough.

[indistinct chatter]

I need help.

I'm bored.

[vacuum cleaner whirring]

[whirring stops]

[Laura] Hey, what happened?

[blows]

I don't gotta do sh*t.

Morning, Jidu.

- Sleep good?

- I did. Did you?

Oh!

You just looked at me.

[man on TV] At the White House

press briefing today,

the president stated that the

situation is under control.

Meanwhile, hospitals

across the nation

- Hey!

- Hey.

Why is it so dark in here?

Put on a light.

What are you making?

Cookies.

Get a spoon.

Literally use this.

Just scoop it out like this

and then put

- What the hell is that?

- Is that too big?

That's gonna be

a gnarly cookie.

Jane!

Stop!

I'm helping.

Mmm!

Sorry.

Right in my ear!

That's good. Wait, am I gonna

get, like

what is it? Sem sem

I can't even say it. Salmonella?

Jidu, I made cookies.

Oh, cookies. I'm not

gonna have cookies now.

But I made them for you.

- You made them for me?

- For you. Special for you.

From scratch.

Okay. I'll put them

someplace.

Mae's a very smart girl.

She gets straight As in school.

I have a family here that

people wish they had.

I always tell Laura,

I say, "You know, honey,

you were sent to me

from heaven."

I'm gonna start crying.

I'm very sentimental

in that respect, you know that?

You should let your emotions

out, right?

Well, that's me.

You really need to get

your nails done.

These are atrocious.

Nothing's open.

I cold do them if Mom

let me get a drill.

The only good thing

out of this is that

Emma's coming home.

So that's gonna be fun.

We haven't seen her

in so long.

She's gonna hate it so much.

[Jane] Emma?

What are you doing?

Thought you said you didn't

have homework.

I don't. I'm just practicing

some stuff.

[playing ukulele]

[David] It's official.

New Jersey schools are

closed for the rest of the year.

[Laura groans]

I thought he was gonna

The year? Like, 2020?

[David] Well, the academic year.

I thought he was gonna say,

"It's official.

We're all going back."

"It's official, the nail

salons are open!"

[groans]

[Jane] Stupid f*cking virus.

It might affect my surgery

which sucks.

I mean, nothing's happened

yet, but

there's a good chance that

if things get worse, that it

might be pushed back.

Which is so annoying.

I just want it done.

I want it over with and done.

I'm just so tired of waiting.

[Jane] Did the doctor

get back to you?

What'd they say?

[Laura] Nothing. They just said

you'll be getting a package

in the mail soon, so

[Jane] So it's still on?

I just hope it's not cancelled.

That all I think.

If it is, we'll roll

with the punches, okay?

I just hate life right now.

I feel like I'm being a

spoiled b*tch or something,

or like I'm just being a stupid

teenager or whatever,

but I f*cking hate it.

I hate everything right now.

I hate that I'm like, only

thinking

Like, I'm just, like

"Calm down, b*tch.

We got you on your

f*cking surgery."

But like, b*tch, I'm this

f*cking close.

This close, b*tch,

and then a whole pandemic

breaks out.

Oh my God!

Of course this happens to me.

But then again like, people are

dying so I'm like

It's not good.

It's really bad.

And it's scary. Like,

it's not f*cking funny.

And it's not a joke,

it's f*cking scary.

[ringing]

Hello?

[Jane]

Hello.

- Hi.

- I just miss my friends.

It was, like, the day before

New Jersey

technically went on lockdown.

And then I texted him,

and I was, like,

I don't think I should

see him anymore. [laughs]

Why did you say that?

It's so mean.

Like, he was, like,

"Are you breaking up with me?"

I was like, "No, I just don't

think I should

physically see you anymore."

He was like

[laughter]

[Jane] For this upcoming

school year,

I'm gonna be doing like,

a gap year, I guess.

Because I can't really do

anything while I'm healing,

Or I'm gonna do, like

I guess I'm

A semester or Just

I don't even know

what I'm doing.

I don't know.

[sighs] Sometimes I wish I

could just disappear.

b*tch.

[music playing]

It's a month before

my surgery and um

we still don't know,

or have a confirmation,

that it's still happening.

- How are you, Mom?

- I'm good, sweetie.

I'm painting by numbers.

That's what Covid has

driven me to do.

How are you feeling

about your surgery?

You getting nervous?

No, I don't really

think about it.

I think about it

all the time.

If Daddy and I

can't come see you,

I think of you being alone

in a hospital,

if you're gonna be

okay with that.

Are you gonna be

okay with that?

I don't know. I haven't

gone through it yet.

Well, I mean, if you're

going through it,

it's a little too late.

[laughs]

Stef said that it would

be really hard,

but it's not impossible.

'Cause her parents

were there for her?

I don't know.

Would you want to

postpone it?

No.

[Jane] I'm just so

over tucking.

Yeah, that's not

a healthy thing.

I mean, I don't think so.

I know it was very painful.

Yeah.

Remember when we were

in Disney World?

No, we weren't in

Disney World

- We were at Universal.

- Universal.

You were in so much pain.

I was in so much that I had

I You bought

I had to buy you

a large t-shirt.

Like, so that it would cover

me, and then I untucked.

Just to be comfortable.

[Mae] Jane's probably the

strongest person that I know.

- Hi.

- Hi.

I've spent a lot of time alone.

I close myself off a lot.

I guess it makes me,

like, a lot moodier.

And Jane, she really

taught everybody

how important it is

to be who you are.

I mean, she's kind of who I

wanna be when I grew up.

She taught me that,

you know,

being me is okay.

She's just so

comfortable and so

sure of herself.

[sniffles]

And it's something

almost nobody

is really

ever sure of,

you know, who are are

and what you want.

And she's amazing.

She's awesome.

I mean, she sucks,

and I hate her.

[laughs] But that's just

'cause she's my sister.

Didn't you take an art class?

Not a painting class.

Painting maybe,

but not for nails.

Look, they look good.

These look good.

These are the globiest

nails I've ever had.

Maybe that's the look.

Maybe we're starting

a new trend or something.

[Jane] The Covid outbreak

is getting worse,

and like, the numbers

are rising,

but everything else,

we're doing pretty good.

As for my surgery,

we emailed them because

we didn't know if

my date was gonna be pushed back

more because of the virus.

And

basically, right now,

they emailed us back

and they said if things

don't change

[sighs]

soon

they're gonna push my date

back at least two months.

[Emma] Dad, wake up!

[David] This is what

I do well.

So annoying.

[David] I don't so anything

else well. Mommy will tell you.

What are you even saying?

Help!

Send help.

- Send help?

- S.O.S.

Coast Guard,

where are you at?

[David]

I love my children.

[laughter]

Dad, you're so annoying!

"Trump Administration

reverses help protections

for transgender people."

I swear, it's like we're

living in a nightmare.

[Jane] It makes me scared.

If I couldn't have, like,

my hormones anymore

just because some

man passed something

like that.

What does it mean?

Like, how does this affect

you and

It just

[sighs]

I know.

Might see more suicides.

[Laura] That's what

I was thinking.

Why are we allowing them

to make these decisions?

Why is this happening?

I don't know,

it's just scary.

Looking like I am now

Going to a boys bathroom,

like

that's weird.

Yeah, I would think that it's

not safe for you.

Yeah, it wouldn't be.

Putting you in that

predicament

you just want to be

a normal kid,

like any other girl.

That's not a lot to ask.

Yeah.

People who don't understand

are making decisions

for other people.

There you go.

You know what?

And everybody has to

have their opinion.

But, you know, everybody's

gotta listen too.

You know, it's not okay

to not be educated about it

and then voice your opinion.

You know, like, in our country,

like the United States, alright,

we're taught that you could

be anything you wanna be.

You just put your mind to it,

and you could do anything

you want to do.

Do you feel that that sentiment

is true for trans people?

[all] No.

I'm not ashamed of

how I was born.

I didn't ask to be

born like this.

I chose to transition,

but I was born transgender.

In my eyes, I think I was born

to transition, eventually.

And life would have been

so much easier

if I was born a girl,

but I feel like that's a waste

of time thinking like that,

because that

didn't happen and

you got the luck of the

draw being trans if you are

and, you know, it's not

gonna be an easy journey,

but my transition and my

experience with everything,

it's gonna be so different from,

say, someone else

who's transitioning is

gonna experience.

Me, personally,

my old name, Jack,

doesn't hold any power over me,

and it's never been

a stressor for me,

but for other people who are

transitioning or whatever,

like, that can affect them

in a very negative way,

having that name be brought up

or used against them

in a negative way.

The fact that I didn't have

the boy I always wanted

or expected, anticipated,

it was heartbreaking.

Because that was never

going to be

for me and for Jack.

But

I'd be damned if

I wasn't gonna accept

the rest of her life.

I don't look at being

a boy.

And I don't view that

with hate.

I view that with love and

compassion and

sadness. I feel sad for my

for Jack.

'Cause Jack was not happy,

and Jack was going through

a rough time.

[David]

He was extraordinarily timid.

Afraid of his own shadow.

He was struggling

at that time.

And he was little too.

Like, you know,

eight, nine, ten.

But, I mean, he had

such difficulty

making friends too.

Oh, it was horrible.

It was brutal,

and he knew it.

[Laura] Like, we were scared

she was gonna

commit suicide as Jack.

I think she was lost for

a long time,

because she didn't understand

that she was transgender.

[Jane] In seventh grade,

I would I would hurt myself,

I would

I wouldn't eat.

I would make myself

throw up.

I would hit myself.

I would

just constantly, physically

harm myself.

I would wear

I'd always wear, like,

long-sleeve shirts

and, like sweaters,

and I would always pull it up to

cover up my scars.

And my parents didn't know

what I was really going though.

Even when I went to therapy,

I didn't want to talk about it,

because I never wanted to

confess that

because I just thought it

was just so awful,

and I felt so ashamed

about it. [sniffles]

But I would

I would just have these moments

where, like,

the pressure and like

the anxiety

everything would just build up

in my head and my body,

and I just feel like

I couldn't breathe.

I don't, like, ignore that

part about my life

'cause it was a part of me,

and, you know, I take pride

in, like, all the sh*t

that I had to go through at

13 as a little boy.

Like, I was going though

so much that

if anything, I wish

I could have been there

for myself when

I was so young.

Like, me now, I wish I could

have been there hugging myself

and teaching myself

what I know now

so it would

have been easier.

[Laura] It was a struggle

for us for me, at least

to say, you know

I don't know, like, good-bye to

our son.

And I remember going to therapy,

and it was a transgender

therapist.

You know, she was with Jane

for 15 minutes,

and she came

out of that room

and she started using

different pronouns.

And my eyes crossed.

She's like, "Yes, she is

transgender."

and "she" this and "she" that,

and, you know,

I'm sitting there going,

"You're talking about

my son."

And I just felt a flood

of anger.

I said, "You've known my kid

for 15 minutes.

I've known her

for 14 years."

And I was saying "him."

And I said, "You just came

out and said that.

Like, how do I know that

what you're saying is true?"

And she kind of talked me

off the cliff.

"Laura," she said,

"when children hit puberty,

it's kind of like a wall.

And if they can't deal

with the fact

that their body

is changing,

if they seriously can't

deal with the hair growth

or the Adam's apple or the

boobs coming in or"

She's like,

"99.9% of the time

that's a transgender child."

She said, "I didn't mean

to hurt your feelings,

but she's 14 years old,

she has an Adam's apple and

she's not happy about it.

She has hair on her arms

and on her face

and she's not happy about it."

And-and then you look back

and you're like,

I've had conversations

I had conversations with Jack.

"Jack, why are you shaving

yourself?

Why are you shaving yourself?

You know, g*y men have hair!

It's okay to have hair,

you know?"

And, like, I took a step

back,

and I just started thinking of

everything that was going on.

All the question marks,

and why is that bothering him.

And then it just made sense.

All the dots were connected.

I just got to a point where I

couldn't hide it anymore.

I just kinda was like a

ticking time b*mb and

I exploded

and I needed to

sit, speak, and be heard.

When she came out

as transgender,

she came alive.

She kicked the doors open

and came

[Laura] Yeah. She went to

her first prom.

And she said, "Mommy,

I walked up to everybody.

'Hi. My name is Jane.

Nice to meet you.

Oh, you're so beautiful.

I love your dress.

I love your hair.'"

And she was all by herself.

She was an hour away from us,

on her first date,

in a dress,

looking amazing,

and, like,

totally on her own.

And she was, like, not even

15 years old.

When she came back that night,

I never saw her so animated

and happy.

[Jane] I love Jack.

I love everything that

I went through.

But it was time to

say goodbye to that.

So I have two weeks left until

I get my surgery.

I still haven't had

a confirmation yet

if it's still on or not.

I'm really scared because

if I don't find out soon enough

it's gonna be cancelled

I'm trying really hard

to be patient, but

It's really hard.

I just wanna know.

I think the waiting is

the hardest part.

[Laura]

Happy Birthday to you ♪

No. I'm ugly right now.

- No, you're not.

- Why would you do that?

Happy Birthday to you ♪

Can't feel my tongue

[laughs]

Happy Birthday,

dear Jane [indistinct] ♪

[laughs]

- Happy Birth ♪

- [dog barks]

to you ♪

How old are you now?

Feels like, 50.

My eye f*cking hurts.

[laughs]

[Laura]

19 years ago today,

I popped you out of

my vajayjay.

And the doctor said,

"It's a girl."

Look at that.

[Jane] I was a cute baby.

That's me crying.

[laughs]

When Jane was born,

I was giving birth,

and the doctor was holding her

and the doctor said,

"It's a girl."

And my husband and I looked at

each other like, "What?"

And then he's,

"Oh, no, it's a boy!"

So it's just like, okay, maybe

it was just a weird joke.

Didn't think of anything.

Like, "Ha ha ha," you know.

- Your baptism.

- What am I wearing?

You're wearing a nice

baptism outfit.

[laughs]

You look so pretty.

[David] The irony of it is

that he did not

make a mistake on the day

of her birth.

She was born a girl.

My daughter Jane was

born a girl.

[dog barks]

[Laura] Shut up, Gretel.

I love you.

I love you, Mom.

[dog barks]

You go first. Go ahead.

Start singing.

Happy birthday to you ♪

Happy birthday to you ♪

Happy birthday, dear Jane ♪

Happy birthday to you ♪

And many more!

[laughs]

Make a wish.

[David] Mash her face in it.

[music playing]

[Laura] Jane!

I just got off the phone

with the hospital,

and apparently they're not

postponing your surgery.

So the 17th is the big day.

- Oh, my God!

- It's the big day.

[David] They're running a sale,

too, it's a two-for-one,

so Mommy can get it.

I can get it.

I can get one too.

You're fresh.

[laughs]

Okay?

So good news.

[Jane] I have to tell you guys

something.

My surgery's not

being cancelled.

b*tch, no way.

[all laugh]

[music playing in car]

[singing along]

I just need somebody

to love ♪

[talking, indistinct]

[music playing]

This is even better.

You have to wear it.

- [laughs]

- Eww. Eww.

- Put it on.

- Put it on.

- Jidu, you see the hat?

- What is it?

- You see what it is?

- What?

It's a vag*na!

[all laugh]

Compare.

[Emma] I think it's fantastic.

Here.

Ooh!

[all laugh]

[Jane] So my mom won't be

allowed

to be with me for my surgery

because of Corona virus and

that's just their visitor

policy right now.

So it's either I just

get over that and just do it

or I postpone it to

another day

so my mom can be with me.

And, of course, I was like

guess I'm doing it

by myself.

[Laura] It's been

a roller coaster ride.

Coming from a place where,

you know, five years ago,

walking into HR and asking

them to change, like

to reconsider changing our

benefits program

because I needed to buy

my daughter medicine

and being turned down.

[David] Jane was getting

incredibly frustrated,

like, trying to

explain to her

that health coverage

is a concern,

and that, you know,

it's not granted.

None of this is granted.

You know, it was painful.

It was a painful process

to be denied that.

And then to worry.

To worry about,

is my daughter gonna have

the right medication?

Are we gonna be able

to afford it?

Every shot was, like, $7,000.

And she had to have that

every three months.

Like, who can afford that?

Nobody.

Trying to

to help her,

inside of her own head,

be patient.

That was That was

a tall task, Laura.

Like, from day one.

From day one that was a fear.

Like, how am I going

to get that

across the finish line for her?

Yeah, college fund,

college fund, college fund.

What college fund?

[laughs]

Transgender surgery fund.

"Yeah, put that aside, Dad."

Wait. No more college fund?

"Covid-19 has affected

the lives

of all high schools all

around the country,

but has also hit hard on a

Sussex County Technical School

class of 2020."

I definitely would

love to have

a graduation.

But then again,

I wasn't gonna go

to the graduation anyway

because of my surgery.

It would be nice

to have one.

Congratulations.

That's your party.

We're done with it.

[Jane] It's not the most

important thing.

[Emma]

Look, there's a weenie.

[belches]

Ooh.

Not me. Give it to me.

- You look great.

- Shut up! [laughs]

Stef was texting me

last night.

- Yeah?

- She's really sweet.

She's like, "I just wanted

to check up on you."

- Aw.

- I'll read it to you.

Is this the girl from

The girl with the pink hair.

Oh, yeah I follow her!

Woo friends!

Hey, Stef.

She said, um..

"Hey, love, I just wanted

to check in on you

and see how you're doing.

With everything going on,

I was worried about your

surgery being postponed.

Hopefully not, though.

Never hesitate to contact me

if you need someone

to talk to,

or any rough time,

since I've been through it."

I said, "Thank you so much.

I just really want to get

it over with at this point

and just start the healing

process.

I just hope it comes out

as cute as yours."

[all laugh]

I'm going through all this

f*cking sh*t to get it,

it better look good.

I'm sure it's gonna

look good.

I'm gonna have to live with

it, no one else.

I wanna be happy with it.

[all talking, indistinct]

We're all in it together.

[all talking, indistinct]

Be grateful that you're

getting the surgery.

It's not gonna be easy.

I never said that.

I'm not saying that.

Just be happy that you're

getting the damn thing!

I am!

It's not that I mind.

[Laura] She's nervous, honey.

As anybody would be.

I would be like,

"Let's do this sh*t."

Yeah. And then you'd be in pain

and then you'd be like, "Oohhh!"

[overlapping chatter]

You know that's part of it.

It's inevitable that that's

gonna happen.

[Jane] And I have every right

to be nervous.

I never said you can't

be nervous.

You act as if

I'm ungrateful.

The way you talk, and you're

hostile towards everyone, yeah.

Not everyone.

Then why is there anyone?

It should be no one.

No, because Mom's saying

that

Like, I'm always worried

about it being cute.

I'm like, yeah, well, I'm going

through a lot to get it.

I've already been through

a lot to get it.

You're gonna be cute.

They have a high success rate.

All right, but, still

It's not gonna be floppy

like a 90-year-old woman's

f*cking vag*na. Jesus Christ!

[Laura] First of all,

that ageist against

90-year-old women's vaginas.

I bet 90-year-old women vaginas

are great.

I don't expect you

to understand it.

All I'm saying is,

try to be

like, I know that

emotions are hard,

but try to at least

think about family

and getting along.

- Don't get upset.

- [Laura] Don't get upset.

I'm allowed to be scared.

[Laura] Of course! How do you

think me and Daddy feel?

[Emma]

Yeah, we're all very scared.

[Laura]

We're all nervous.

[Jane] Sounds so ungrateful.

[Laura] No, we know you're

grateful, Mommy. We know.

This has been a very

long road.

[Emma] True.

This has been a long road

for all of us, especially you.

Especially you.

I need to go to the nail salon.

This is, like, becoming hectic.

Becoming a problem.

[Laura] You okay?

[chatting, indistinct]

Jane ♪

Running down to the doctor ♪

To get a vag*na,

ha ha ha ha ♪

[all laugh]

Jane was scared about

getting a vag*na ♪

[all laugh]

I think me and Jane are closer

now that she's Jane.

We argue like any

sisters would.

But at the end of the day,

when I need her, if

she needs me, like,

even with Mae,

we're always there

for each other.

It makes me happy, like,

that she's getting

what she wants.

And that's she's really

becoming a phenomenal

young woman.

Jane does flip

her hair, though.

'Cause I like it

on this side.

No, but I'm talking about when

she gets all dramatic,

and she's explaining a story,

she's like

"Uhh!" And then flips her

hair over like this.

You know what

I'm talking about?

I don't do that.

[both] Yes, you do!

You look at me from across the

table, you go

[laughs]

- I do this.

- It's the same!

And you model,

you're like

[laughs]

I don't know why

I do it.

It's like a habit.

- Get off!

- Ow, b*tch!

I'm throwing out

all my old underwear.

Finally.

I'm putting on my

new underwear

and I'm gonna throw

that sh*t out.

I'm so f*cking happy to be

getting rid

of that type of underwear.

f*ck it. I hate it.

I wanted to burn it.

Yay.

It's a vag*na cupcake.

It's a vanilla pudding cupcake

with vanilla frosting

and a vanilla vag*na.

Everybody gets a vag*na.

Everybody gets

a vag*na today.

[Jane] Nice!

[all talking]

[Laura] Get the dog off the

table.

Do you know how many germs

you just put on the table?

It's okay.

It's okay.

None 'cause she's perfect!

[all talking]

I'll be praying for her.

Thanks, Dad.

That's not easy.

Jane, I want to

give you a kiss.

I'm going to go back.

You need help?

No, I can do it.

I can get up.

I just want to say

goodbye to Jane.

God bless you, honey.

I'll be praying for you.

You'll be okay.

- Yep!

- God bless you.

Love you.

Get out of here. Go.

[Jane] I'm less scared

of the surgery

and more happy about what

it's gonna do for me.

I don't know. Either that

or I'm just stupid

for not being worried.

Today's the day.

I have to get ready, so

Yep.

Just a subtle day.

Just like a walk

through a park.

Just a

just a breeze.

[Laura] Because of the virus,

the Covid virus right now,

we're not allowed to be

in the hospital.

But she's doing it alone.

Ready?

Everybody good?

[Laura] 424 East 34th.

[Laura] Okay, we are going to

New York City

to NYU to see Dr. Blue.

Bye, Sparta.

I'll be back with

a new vag*na.

[music playing]

Jane, you don't have nail

polish on, do you?

[Jane] No.

Mom, I was already on that

way before you.

You don't have

jewelry on, right?

- Yeah, I do.

- Take it off.

[music playing]

Jane, I think,

the most incredible thing

is that through this

whole process

has-has remained

so grounded.

It only reinforces

that she's

that she's always been

on the right path.

You have a very

sort of nonchalant

outlook, Jane.

How is that possible?

I don't know.

It just seems

kind of normal to me.

[Laura] Well, I think you've

been thinking about it so long.

Yeah. I think I was

more stressed

about not getting it.

We always grew up in

a very open home,

and, like, there was always

communication going on.

I'm so lucky to have that.

Almost there, Jane.

[David] We're happy for her,

but any parent would feel

the way we feel.

We're scared.

[Laura] I'll be honest with you,

when she first came out to

us, when she was 14,

the first thing I thought of

was surgery.

In my mind, for years,

I always told her,

"When you're older, you know,

definitely it will happen."

And I was just like

I had no idea

that was gonna happen.

Jane, you're going to

the fifth floor,

you're gonna go to

the check-in desk,

and you're gonna have your

insurance and I.D. card out.

But we just persevered and

we just moved forward,

little by little.

We were there.

We were halfway there.

Covid's not gonna stop us.

We're gonna get there.

[music playing]

[David] We want what's best

for our kid.

And we know that

her happiness is at stake.

[Jane] When I was going though

that depression,

I just wanted to ignore

all my pain,

but it never went away

until I started

being a part of

my family again.

And they are my crazy family.

Like, they're just

always there for me,

through the good

and the bad.

[David] It's f*cking hard

just leaving her like this.

It's been a long time coming.

Long time preparing for this.

You all right?

[music playing]