Oh, f*ck.
Bloody f*ck!
f*cking sh*t!
For Christ's f*cking sake!
[Serving my Country with Honor and Faith]
Get a Health Ticket!
Excuse me, do you have some work for me?
I want to work, but no one will hire me.
Can I borrow five lei, at least?
Do you have some work-
God bless you.
I'll pay you back.
Excuse me, do you have some work for me?
Please, I want to work.
I can do repairs in your home.
Can I at least borrow five lei?
Excuse me, can I have five lei?
I'll pay you back.
No one will hire me.
I'm leaving.
Thank you, Ma'am.
Thank you, Ma'am.
Got any more work?
I could come again!
Come Sunday for cleaning.
Early morning!
I will, thank you!
f*ck you!
f*ck off, stupid wasp!
Give me a f*cking break!
f*cking hell.
If something goes wrong,
its my fault! Forgive me!
I will make it up
Anyone got ten lei?
Easy, man!
Anyone got ten lei?
Can I have ten lei, please?
Shut up, you little f*ck!
Get the hell away!
Scram!
Stop hitting that dog!
Are you crazy?
Damn lunatic!
f*ck off, you piece of sh*t!
Open up, please!
We know you're home!
It's Orsolya Ionescu!
Mr. Glanetasu, you knew
we would come today!
We agreed, if I gave you
another week, you'd cooperate!
You're getting me in trouble!
We'll break in, I have the
sheriff here and a locksmith!
What if there's a b*mb?
We're breaking in!
It's not nice what you did.
I didn't hear you, Ma'am.
I got you a new extension.
I placated Europa K.u.K,
they were in a hurry.
I fought hard for this!
I even got them to provide
a van to move your things.
Move them where, Mrs. Ionescu?
I don't know.
Would you rather leave them here?
Last time you said
you'd look for a shelter.
They're full.
We'll see what we can do.
My priest, Father Serban,
knows a few shelters.
I'll help in any way I can.
Carry out the lighter things,
the van will get the rest.
I'll come to the shelter with you.
I did the same
for this old lady.
A grandson had
cheated her out of her home.
She's fine. I visit her
every Christmas and Easter.
- I bring her a big bag-
- I won't go to a shelter.
I'll come with you,
so you see what it's like.
There's a ten-coat winter coming.
Please, Sir.
I wouldn't want
I don't want
the sheriff to evict you!
- Why are you filming?
- So they have evidence.
Evidence of what?
- That they're not being a*usive.
Look at the notice, it's old!
I got you all the time I could,
but now it's out of my hands.
You'll give me trouble!
Fine, I'll go.
Give me an hour
to pack things up.
I can't.
Get everything out,
set aside your furniture,
I'll draw up an inventory.
- I brought everything here.
- Everything?
This was a boiler room.
That makes things easier.
I'll let you pack.
But can I trust you
not to keep us at the door again?
You have my word.
- Wait.
- Hey!
- Don't touch me!
- Careful!
You can have the key.
I'm choosing to trust you.
We'll be back in twenty minutes.
You get out too!
You have to treat people nicely!
What did he do to you?
[Bailiff Orsolya Ionescu
Eviction notice to Ion Glanetasu]
not a store.
It will be a five-star hotel.
- Didn't they say "boutique?"
- As in, "boutique hotel."
A luxury hotel
like a French boutique.
Won't there be six floors?
- But only four rooms on each.
Or so the Europa K.u.K. say.
Europa Coo-Coo!
No, Kaiserlich und Kniglich.
Imperial and Royal.
Ever seen that film,
A b*mb Was Stolen?
A film by Gopo.
- Madam, you live in Floresti?
- Yes.
Those new blocks any good?
No idea, I live in a house.
But they build like made, Chinese-style,
all squeezed together.
It's suffocating.
I'd move out if I could afford to.
Let's go.
May I finish my cigarette?
So he was an athlete?
Yes, even got gold
in the Balkaniad.
How did he end up like this?
Had an accident,
was forced to give up sports,
started drinking, lost his apartment,
ended up on the street
Drunkard.
That basement belonged to
an athlete who moved to Australia.
A fellow athlete?
Not sure.
He was a coach in Australia.
Got a heart attack,
his son sold the building to K.u.K.
Move in, my Ninja Turtles!
- What if there's a b*mb?
- Nah.
Look at this.
Call an ambulance!
I'm calling now.
What did you get up to, Grandpa?
Get that wire off him!
You'd have to touch him.
Put a mirror to his mouth.
What mirror?
Shut the f*ck up!
[Hungarian:]
Hello, there's an emergency on Klein Street,
someone's tried to k*ll himself-
[Romanian:]
I apologize! An attempted suicide on-
We need to film this.
It's at 2, Micu Klein Street.
Try resuscitation.
I am calm!
- I'm pressing, but
- Is he still breathing?
- Apparently not.
- Apparently not.
- Is he cold?
- He's not breathing!
- Press harder.
- A male.
7, 8, 9, 10
- No use, he's dead!
- Keep trying!
- He might still wake up.
- Then you try!
- Won't you keep trying?
- To do what?
You should time it to Staying Alive.
Staying alive, staying alive!
- You filming this?
- Yeah.
Harder, Ma'am!
He's dead, I told you.
Obviously.
These Roman ruins
date back from-
How odd,
hanging himself from the radiator.
- What?
- That's how he did it.
Yes, he twisted the wire around his neck,
sat down next to the radiator,
tied the wire to it
and pulled as hard as he could.
- I am so sorry.
- You shouldn't.
It wasn't your fault.
You and the deputies did it all by the book.
No, I should have seen it coming.
But last time he was so calm!
I explained, it was all good.
I fought the K.u.K. guys
to let him stay a while.
Because of me,
they gave him another month.
I got him transport for the furniture.
Calm down, Orsolya.
You are not to blame.
You acted impeccably.
- You are not to blame.
- Legally, yes, I know.
The court ordered his eviction.
You were more than humane.
I struggled to get him more time.
K.u.K. wanted to demolish
and start on construction before winter.
- What are they building there?
- A luxury hotel.
"Kontinental Boutique"
The dead guy
had a criminal record.
- We got it from the police.
- He did?
Grave desecration.
My God!
He burned some
wooden crosses to stay warm.
The poor soul!
I should have helped him more,
found him a place.
I could have hired him at my office.
If I had known he was
doing so bad emotionally
You can't help everyone.
You're like that guy in Schindler's List.
"If I had sold this pen,
I could have saved one more little Kike!"
That's how I'm feeling.
I was wrong.
It's my fault!
Dear, I have
no grounds to arrest you,
no matter how hard
you want to self-flagellate.
Life is full of unforeseen stuff.
I read about this South Korean guy
crushed to death by a food packaging robot
which mistook him for a can.
- Where's that book?
- Here.
Something to brighten you up.
- Unlucky Criminals.
- On to the report.
[German:]
No, I'm good, thank you for asking.
I've spoken with Mr. Hochhusler
and Enculescu, the lawyer.
No concern,
everything was legally sound.
It's just tragic that it came to this.
The media
You know they speculate
on anything, the pigs.
He was definitely insane,
but he didn't look it.
An alcoholic.
Look:
We left him to pack up,
he seemed to understand,
but when we came back,
he had hanged himself from a radiator.
Yes.
It sounds strange,
but it's actually simple.
He wrapped a wire around his neck
and pulled with his weight,
until he was suffocated.
Yes, everything will be OK.
Thank you.
Thank you so much for calling
and my apologies once more.
Until next time.
[Hungarian:]
Oh, f*ck off.
we gave him twenty minutes
to pack his stuff
and went for a coffee
with the deputies.
When we found the door open,
I had a bad feeling.
We went in and found him
hanged from the radiator.
Yes, from the radiator, with this wire
around his neck, and then he sat down
and pulled down really hard,
until he suffocated, I guess.
His eyes bulging,
saliva dripping, stinking of piss.
Eyes bulging
I kept trying to help,
did chest compressions.
No use.
I can almost see him,
eyes bulging, foaming at the mouth,
in that stench.
Oh, God!
If I didn't have you and the children
- I'd have k*lled myself too.
- Hey, stop this nonsense!
I mean it!
Why, though?
It wasn't your fault.
Yes it was.
I should have thought of it.
- And helped him.
- What more could you have done?
I shouldn't have taken the case.
Those Europa K.u.K. f*ck
are former Secret Police.
That's how they got permits
to build something that tall there.
But they had a court order?
Yes, but I've seen cases
Sure, but you can't change a court ruling.
The things they do in construction
Real estate developers rule Romania.
- Bunch of crooks.
- And mobsters.
Gambling sharks.
And it's my sh*t job
to help these scumbags.
I should have become a lawyer.
At least if
I hadn't taken this case!
Didn't the Father tell you
being a lawyer would be worse?
Because you'd be lying?
I could have picked cases
that allowed me to help people.
- People in need.
- And you're doing it.
Last week you returned
that girl to her mother.
- Your work is important.
- Sometimes.
But now, I don't know.
And I had a bad feeling
But I figured it pays.
We have wages to pay,
and the mortgage forhow long?
You shouldn't have left him alone.
- He'd have k*lled himself later.
- But you wouldn't have seen him.
Oh, great.
- What?
- The newspapers.
"Hungarian-Ethnic Bailiff
Pushes Romanian Athlete to Suicide."
"The Hungarian bailiff evicted him cruelly,
pushing former athlete
Ion Glanetasu to a ghastly suicide."
f*cking press scum!
Irina sent me the link.
That idiot, what was she thinking?
The comments are funny!
Typical anti-Hungarian stuff?
"I'd beat you to a pulp,
you filthy Hungarian b*tch."
"Hungarians, suck my c*ck!"
"Speak Romanian in Romania!"
Is he Ret*rded?
You were speaking Romanian.
This isn't funny, really.
"In 1919, Romanian soldiers
hoisted the Romanian flag
to the Budapest Parliament roof!
We should invade again!"
"We should have k*lled
every single Hungarian!
Now they're choking
us decent Romanians!"
"That prosecutor skank
with her sh*t skank face-"
I don't want to hear it!
- We used to laugh at these!
- Yes, "used to."
Ignore those sad f*ck.
Relax.
Listen
Please
I can't come on this holiday.
Are we back to that nonsense?
- Then we're cancelling.
- No, the kids are looking forward to it.
I want to be by myself.
Please.
You and the children go first,
then we say something came up and
- I can't join you.
- I wouldn't go without you.
Please.
I want to clear my mind,
make some decisions.
I can't come, I just can't!
I can't.
Wait.
I love you too, but
I keep seeing that hanged man.
I kept imagining
we'd f*ck hard in Greece.
I've been wanting it too.
But I can't now, please!
Don't be angry, love.
I'll be better when
you come back from Greece.
Have a safe flight,
be good, alright?
Bye, Mum.
- When will you join us?
- As soon as I can, love.
Be good.
Don't let them swim out too far.
- Make sure they eat.
- Nah, I'll starve them.
- See you.
- Seatbelt!
Send photos!
And videos!
Hi there.
What's up?
I went to close down
the Cosa Nostra restaurant
by the Hungarian Theatre.
It turned nasty.
The owner made a scene,
that piece of sh*t.
f*ck off,
you f*cking wh*re!
Blow off, you skank!
Coming here with those police pigs!
I'm an honest man,
you c*cksucker!
Sir, this behavior is unacceptable!
- We have a court order to-
- Oh, blow me!
- People got food poisoning here!
- Lies!
And you're not the boss here,
f*cking wh*re!
You f*cking piece of sh*t!
You're a crook! A crook!
- If I had been there-
- Please!
- That hurts!
- Get out, you crook!
- File a complaint against the b*stard.
- I have.
The police agents were just watching.
I keep telling you,
forget the police.
- Always go with the sheriff's department!
- It didn't look that bad.
You can rely on the sheriff's deputies.
The policenot really.
Remember when that guy drew his g*n
and the police ran away?
Glad to see you arrived well!
Send me videos
of the plane taking off!
And use SPF-50 sunscreen!
And don't swim too far out!
Kisses! Love you!
so it hides the radiator.
- Like this?
- Yes, thanks.
Sorry I'm late.
Just like us now,
we got a coffee and
we drank the coffee and
when we got back there
We knocked and s
aw him hanged from the radiator.
I mean
he had wrapped a wire
around his neck, sat down,
and suffocated himself with
the weight of his own body.
I know it's weird but
he hanged himself from the radiator.
His tongue was hanging out,
piss all over
Horrible!
We called the ambulance,
they got there in ten minutes.
But he was already dead.
They tried resuscitating him,
but it was no good.
It wasn't your fault.
Forget the shits
insulting you online.
- Damned nationalists-
- It's not about that.
Though yes, that affects me too.
I bet.
I don't know if I've told you,
but I feel guilty
every time we meet.
Why?
As an ethnic Romanian.
It's obvious we stole
Transylvania in 1918.
Spoils of w*r.
What does that matter now?
It does, when people go all
"Transylvania has always been Romanian"
and I say
"Just look at the historic buildings!"
Doesn't this look like Vienna or Budapest?
Does this look like
any southern Romanian towns?
That statue is Mrton ron,
not Mihnea the Turk!
It doesn't matter.
I feel very guilty for that man's death.
You shouldn't, but I understand.
Legally, I wasn't at fault.
But I feel so sorry!
I can still see him.
I couldn't sleep all night.
I hear you.
As God is my witness,
I wanted to help him.
I could have hired him
at my office, maybe.
I don't know
You know my neighborhood.
Under our balcony,
a little to the side,
there's an old garage
in a shared courtyard.
I remember.
A homeless guy shacked up there.
Around fifty, dirty beard.
I saw him every time
I walked Sasa to school.
At first I gave him money,
But he kept pestering me
for more, so I stopped.
I started crossing to the other side.
I'd cross, pass him,
then cross back, through all the traffic.
So he wouldn't ask you for money?
He had stopped asking,
he realized he wasn't getting anything.
But he stank to high heaven.
He relieved himself
right by the garage wall,
there was sh*t everywhere!
It wasn't that bad in winter,
but I felt horrible
each time I passed him.
Particularly when it snowed
and it was -20 outside.
I don't know
how he survived.
One morning,
he was sitting on the curb,
curled up under a blanket,
shivering and moaning.
- And you didn't help him?
- How?
Let him sleep
in the block's hallway.
Neighbors wouldn't have agreed.
Besides, he never said anything.
OK.
That made me
feel terrible all winter.
I'd shiver in bed,
we had the thermostat
set to 18 to save money,
and I'd think about him,
outside, at -18.
What did Dan say?
We didn't talk about that.
He drives to work early,
I walk Sasa to school.
After a while, I started
wishing he would die.
How can you say that?
Alright, not really dying,
But I couldn't stand to see
him suffer every day
and look out
to check - is he dead?
When it rained, he covered himself
with a garbage bag
and a broken umbrella
I was happy
when winter was over.
But once it got warm,
we had another problem.
The smell of sh*t.
I see.
I don't think you can.
Piss, too.
There was sh*t
all along the garage wall!
If I opened the window
and there was a bit of wind,
I felt like throwing up!
Once I looked, though usually
I passed with my head turned.
There was this watery sh*t
the size of China!
Maybe if you had told him-
The neighbors did. No use.
We were making jokes about it.
- Dan said we should call Hirayama.
- Who?
- Never seen Perfect Days?
- No.
It's a Japanese film
about this old guy, Hirayama,
who listens to
Led Zeppelin and Rod Stewart
and he's really zen
while cleaning sh*t from public toilets.
Anyway.
One day I actually threw up.
I felt so sick, like I could
see all that sh*t in front of me.
So I threw up.
I called the police
and they took him away.
Poor thing.
Makes me nauseous just thinking.
Then I felt like sh*t myself.
But two weeks ago he came back.
I didn't know
if I should be glad or not.
It was good
to know he's still alive,
but the smell of his sh*t is back!
I keep spraying at home
but it won't go away.
I lay my hope on winter.
But then I'll get
that guilt about the cold again.
I get you.
I don't take eviction summonses
between November and March.
They could die outside,
I don't want that on my conscience.
I don't want him to die!
- Of course not.
I felt better once I signed up
for that NGO for Roma families
living on the edge of town.
You did mention something.
So I support families,
donate, help when I can.
Here's a video.
Roma people are forced to live
in a landfill and we do nothing!
We just let them live there.
Come with me
to see this poor family
who can't afford their son's medication.
How is that fair,
A child dying because
the parents can't afford treatment?
Of course it isn't.
Sadly, it's reality.
The NGO guys
told me the other day.
A Roma woman
came asking for help.
She has four children.
Her husband's homeless,
does odd jobs around town.
They all live in the landfill.
And the boy's treatment
is really expensive.
How can a child's life
depend on affording medication?
Here, in Cluj,
with millions of euros around!
Smart city, IT, all that!
- You're right.
Sure, I'll come with you.
Once you see how they live,
you'll want to get involved.
Sure.
Maybe it will get
more people interested.
Yes.
I have a doubt.
They posted my photo
in the news, on Twitter
I don't want them saying
I'm doing poverty safari.
No one will say anything!
Besides, I can't
see that boy, I just can't.
Can't I just
wire money to the NGO?
Yes, but I'm sponsoring
this family directly.
Then I can-
I'll transfer it to you,
pass me your Revolut account!
It's on my name, Dorina Tausan.
Dorina. There.
OK.
I sent you 500 euros.
- Too much!
- Take it, it's OK.
- Wait-
- I'm skipping my holiday anyway.
- Why?
- I can't do it.
Anyway, I donate
to several causes already,
that Vodafone text thing
for two euros a month.
2 euros for UNICEF,
2 euros for Ukrainian refugees,
for Bread for Tomorrow,
for Books in Villages,
for that new hospital,
for Woman Life Freedom,
for Gaza
All in all, about 40 euros a month.
How lovely.
I'd like to donate
2 euros a month to this NGO.
I'm not sure they have
a contract for that.
With Orange or Vodafone.
But I'll ask.
Or you could transfer it directly.
OK!
This 2-euro thing is easier,
I don't risk forgetting.
It gets charged to my Vodafone bill.
There's no reason
to keep fretting about this.
It wasn't your fault.
You couldn't
have prevented the suicide.
Sometimes, you know
I read this thing
about Bertolt Brecht.
He was in the US,
during the Moscow purges.
Brecht visited this guy
who was still a leftist,
but violently anti-Stalinist.
He told Brecht about how innocents
were being ex*cuted in the Gulag.
Brecht fell silent, then said:
"The more innocent they are,
the more they deserved to die."
Idiot.
What Brecht meant was
they were accused of
conspiring against Stalin.
Precisely because they hadn't conspired,
so they were "innocent,"
there was some justice in that injustice.
It was their duty to conspire
to bring down Stalin,
he was a horrible m*rder*r.
[Hungarian:]
Our Father who art in heaven
Hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done on earth,
as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts,
as we forgive our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil:
For thine is the kingdom,
and the power, and the glory,
Now and forever
and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
[Hungarian:]
I find the court decision really weird.
There may be
pressure there, even bribery.
I let the man pack his things,
he seemed to cooperate,
so we went for a coffee.
When we got back,
15 minutes later,
we found him hanging from the radiator.
He had tied a wire around his neck
and used his own weight
to suffocate himself.
It sounds strange,
but he hanged himself from the radiator.
God, how horrible.
Legally I'm not at fault,
but I'm not feeling alright.
- I feel so guilty.
- Of course.
- There you have it.
- I see.
Still, you can't foresee
what every idiot is going to do.
Of course not.
He wasn't an idiot,
just an unfortunate man.
Down on his luck.
Forgotten by the state,
no help from anywhere.
Serves them right!
They took Transylvania
from us just to ruin it.
That's all Romanians do,
ruin what they have.
They're not the only ones.
They stole Transylvania from us
and couldn't even
take care of a good thing.
- Stupid peasants.
- That's irrelevant.
I told you, you should
have moved to Hungary,
got a nice career in Budapest,
not with thesepeasants here.
Dumb serfs.
The dumb serf Romanians
have a higher GDP than Hungary now.
Civilization isn't just about the GDP.
Why didn't you move when
the mayor was painting the Romanian flag
on every bench
and garbage bin in town?
Instead you stayed in Cluj,
with this ridiculous nationalism.
I didn't have your age.
You were young.
As if Hungary
welcomes us with open arms.
Sure, look for excuses.
Besides, Orban's Hungary
is a fascist state!
How is it fascist if people vote for him?
It's still fascist,
the shame of Europe!
Orban and most of Hungary
support Putin!
Supporting the m*ssacre
of Ukrainians is
it's simply embarrassing,
like the Hungarians never
rebelled against the Soviets in 1956!
Orban's Hungary makes me sick!
That's the truth.
He limits minorities' rights, he's scum.
Very well, dear, you stay here,
let these gypsies call you
"filthy Hungarian b*tch."
I will.
Then quit complaining.
At least act dignified,
or have you caught the Romanian
Always Complaining virus?
And don't ever come back!
wh*re!
Mum, I just called to say
I'm sorry we've fought.
I want you to know
I love you a lot.
I'm in a sensitive situation and
Sorry again, Mum! Bye.
Hey there, my angels.
I loved your video, Benedek.
I have bad news for you.
Mum can't join you in Skiathos.
I have a lot of work to do.
Really a lot.
But I promise, when you get back,
we'll go for a weekend in Venice.
Another mini-holiday,
so you'll get to enjoy both.
Big, big hug.
Miss you, love you, bye!
Hello!
This is Orsolya Ionescu,
I am a bailiff.
I'm calling about Ion Glanetasu,
deceased on October 3rd in Cluj,
at the age of 62.
Already buried?
I thought they stay
at the morgue for several days.
The Cemetery of the Poor?
There's a cemetery in that valley?
So he is already buried.
Thank you.
Have a nice day.
Good day, Mrs. Ionescu!
Hello.
I'm Fred.
Fred Vasilescu.
Can't remember.
"Honeste bibere, alterum
non laedere, suum cuique tribuere!"
Got it.
- I was your student in Roman Law.
- Figured as much.
Twelve or thirteen years ago.
I wasn't the brightest,
but some things stuck with me.
"Res inter alios acta alias neque nocere"
- "Necque processed potest."
- That.
Hard to remember,
I haven't taught in ten years.
- So you're a delivery boy?
- Yes.
Got my university degree,
but the world of Justinians Institutes
and Bartolus Digest rejected me.
Why not?
Well
There's this Zen book, the Mumonkan.
It says this big Seijo sensei
was asked by a monk:
"Hi there, Master Seijo!
I heard this great Zen monk
meditated for ten thousand years,
and still didn't reach enlightenment!
Is that true?"
"Yes," says Seijo.
But why didn't he reach enlightenment?"
The Master answers:
"Because he didn't."
Same for me. It didn't work.
Careful on the bike, it's dangerous.
All these idiots in traffic.
Check this!
"I am Romanian."
What's that?
Because so many delivery guys
are from Bangladesh or Sri Lanka.
Romanian drivers give them hell.
I hope they'll look out
for a compatriot.
That bad?
Like you used to say,
it's full of Doctors in Idiocy, Professor!
It was great seeing you.
Likewise.
We might meet again,
if you order tripe soup or paprikash.
- Or a sausage-
- OK Fred.
It was good seeing you.
You're unchanged!
Or even better!
But I stop, nowadays that's harassment!
Yes, stop it.
Bye!
finished work?
Are you still in Cluj?
No, I live in Floresti.
Excuse me?
The nice Floresti,
not the shitty part.
I wanted my three children to have
a house, a courtyard, clean air.
No, I'm alone for a few days.
Thanks, but I'm not hungry.
I'm not too sociable these days, either.
But a beer would be nice.
If you feel like it.
No, not in Floresti!
See you downtown, then.
- Sorry I'm late, Professor.
- No, I was early.
- How about the Che Guevara?
- Looks a bit crowded.
- There's a bar in the cinema lobby.
- Alright.
She's my eldest, Katalin,
in a high school play,
Jonathan Livingston Seagull.
- Awesome!
- Thanks.
- So you live in Floresti?
- Yes.
But I signed her up
to a better high school in the city.
The Apczai.
It's a disaster,
the way Floresti is going.
When we first moved there,
There were just a few thousand people.
Now there are seventy thousand. Crazy.
- New houses everywhere, like China.
- They cost about as much!
Let me show you something.
Check this.
"The Nordis Scheme"
"A hoax by the strongest political
and real estate clan."
Never heard of it. I'll look it up.
Say
Why aren't you
on holiday with your family?
I had some major trouble.
I stayed to take care of it.
Trouble? Can I help?
At work.
Don't feel like talking.
Sure.
How about those
Those Zen anecdotes.
I like anecdotes.
I'm a huge fan.
They give me a fresh outlook on life.
Without them,
I'd have k*lled myself.
Let me think. Right!
Whenever he was asked
about the meaning of life,
Gutei just raised a finger.
The index, notwell, you know.
The apprentices
started to do the same,
just raise a finger.
One day he saw an outsider
ask an apprentice what Buddhism is.
The apprentice just
raised a finger, like a boss.
The next day, Gutei,
after hiding a knife in his hand,
asked that apprentice:
"Yo, so you know all about
the essence of Buddhism?"
The boy was like "Yeah."
Gutei asked: "So what's
the essence of Buddhism?"
The boy raised his finger.
Gutei - swish! - cut it off.
As the boy ran,
howling, blood spurting,
Gutei called out:
"Yo, get back here!"
The boy turned to look
and Gutei asked again:
"What's the essence of Buddhism?"
Out of habit,
the boy tried to raise his finger.
But there was no finger,
just that bloody stump.
And, suddenly, he became enlightened!
How stupid! Still, it's fun.
Or: a young monk
bowed before Master Seppo.
Master Seppo - bam, bam! -
whacked him over the head five times.
The poor monk asked:
"Owie, what did I do wrong, Sensei?"
Then Seppo hit him five more times.
- Did he get enlightened?
- It didn't say.
A monk told Master Daiten:
"The waves of the ocean of suffering are huge!
How can we cross
the ocean of suffering?"
You know what Daiten answered?
"In a wooden boat."
- This one's weaker.
- I don't think so!
The East Hall monks were arguing
with the West Hall monks
One monk, Nansen,
picked up the cat and called out:
"Listen up, guys!
Say one word of Zen,
and I will save the cat.
Otherwise I'll k*ll it."
Everyone was stunned silent.
So Nansen tore the cat in two.
In the evening, monk Joshu
returns from wherever.
Nansen tells him the story.
Joshu takes off his sandal,
puts it on his head, and leaves.
Nansen says:
"Wow, if you'd been there,
I'd have saved the cat!"
That's so childish!
So this monk, Tokusho,
he visited 54 Zen masters
and he still couldn't
reach satori, enlightenment.
Eventually, he got to Master Hogen.
So one day he went and asked Master Hogen:
"What is a drop of water
from So spring?
Master Hogen answered:
"It's a drop of water from So spring."
Hearing that,
Tokusho attained enlightenment!
All the troubles of his life,
says the Mumonkan, were solved.
Refill, please.
If only it were that easy.
I'm not Zen at all.
Not true!
Zen isn't being calm, like they say,
it's going with the flow,
without any preference.
"Every day is a good day,"
said Ummon.
Anyway, what happened?
You can tell me, Mrs
Labeo.
- Cheeky!
- Mrs. Gaius, then.
- Both are great lawmakers.
- That's better.
But Labeo was small fry.
Alright then.
You know I'm a bailiff, right?
In short:
I participated in the eviction of someone
squatting in a basement.
While we waited for him
to pack up his things,
the man hanged himself.
Oh, dear.
- Did he die?
- Yes, he died.
And I feel very, very, very guilty.
I see.
Although, legally,
I'm not guilty.
Well, that's great.
But yeah
- Horrible.
- That's why I couldn't go on holiday.
I see.
In the Tsurezuregusa
there's this story.
A man was going
to sell an ox the next day.
But that very night, the ox died.
For the seller,
it seemed a great loss.
"Not so," says a high Zen monk.
"Seen as an expression
of the ephemeral nature of things,
the death of the ox was highly profitable
to the owner."
But a man is not an ox.
Man equals man, said Brecht.
True.
That sounds like
an axiom in mathematics.
Axioms in mathematics are like Zen.
Really funny.
Particularly since you can't prove them.
The axiom of parallels, I know.
Or the ones in arithmetics!
Like: zero is a number.
You can't prove it,
you have to trust that zero is a number.
Or that after any natural number n
there comes another, n+1.
I think that one's provable.
Really?
Let's hear it then.
I don't know!
It's not provable!
Just like the first
incompleteness theorem, Gdel's.
What are we even talking about, Prof?
Same goes for the right to life.
The axiom says it's universal,
but I can't prove it.
I was talking to a friend
and she claimed
it's OK that the Afghans
stone adulterous women to death.
She was all:
"That's just how they are, you know!"
Like the universal right to life
doesn't apply because reasons.
What an idiot!
I think I need some air.
Thank God it's night already
so we don't need to admire the sunset!
Wow, the "Health Ticket!"
Just a sec.
It's like I'm back in high school.
- Is that a bad thing?
- Not at all!
When I'm with the young,
it's like I turn younger!
Larry Flint approves!
Why should it be just the men?
Of course!
Madame Macron!
- Are you age-is?
- Not at all, Prof!
To quote Ice T:
"I love Mexican girls, Black girls,
Oriental girls, it really don't matter,
If you from Mars and you got a p*ssy,
I will f*ck you!"
- Hey!
- I'm very inclusive.
Now, don't be upset.
With all these disaster
Look at Gaza, Ukraine
I saw this thing
from the Ukrainian front,
it blew me away.
You're not a Putinist, are you?
Ew, no!
It's just stuff on a Facebook group.
People upload frontline videos.
For defense, Ukrainians fly drones
above the Russians' trenches.
The drones film
until the moment of impact.
There was this mega-weird thing.
The soldiers hear the drone above,
know they're being attacked,
but they can't run,
the drone follows them.
So what do the Russians do?
They take two grenades
and put them next to their heads.
- Why?
- Many are left mutilated.
If the drone hits them,
the grenades by their heads blow
so they die fast.
- Horrible!
- Let me show you.
There he is, in the hole.
Getting ready now.
See the grenades?
Now his head gets blown off.
God!
- The poor soul.
- f*ck him! Russian scum.
No pity for those orcs.
They f*cking deserve it.
Maybe he had a mother,
a girlfriend, a child.
Putin gives them a washing machine
and a Hero Family medal.
f*ck them!
No animal falls that low.
There is no sub-animal.
What's wrong?
There was someone I know in that car.
But we're doing nothing wrong.
You know people, they interpret things.
- Prof!
- What?
Look at this.
Oh, you send me to the Goulash,
Comrade Stalin!
You shouldn't joke about that,
the Communists k*lled millions.
I'm only joking with you
and these kinky handcuffs.
I'm not joking with history, Professor.
How thick this mist, how thick this mist,
our way home hidden in its midst!
We are so light, like smoke we glide,
oh where, oh where could our path hide?
How thick this mist, how great its dome,
please, teacher, show us the way home!
Haven't gone drinking
around here since university.
And Transylvania is a hymn!
Gaudeamus igitur,
Juvenes dum sumus!
Post jucundam juventutem,
Post molestam senectutem,
Nos habebit humus!
Vita nostra brevis est,
Brevi finietur.
Venit mors velociter,
Rapit nos atrociter,
Nos habe-
Nemini parcetur!
Top grade with honors!
Thank you, Professor.
But now
Don't I deserve a little kiss?
No.
Then I'll give you one.
Forgive me!
Say, Freddy,
no lovey-dovery texts and stuff, alright?
Me? Never, Professor!
I'm not the type.
I have family obligations, I have
no time formore scandal.
I'll just be your sex sl*ve,
don't worry.
Marquis de Sade stuff.
sl*very blurs the lines sometimes.
- That rhymes!
- Two times!
You know what a Hungarian woman
says to a Romanian who's a good f*ck?
What?
"That be hurt but that be good,
Romnok got c*ck like wood!"
Chauvinism.
I only speak literary Hungarian:
"Lfasz a seggedbe!"
(A horse's c*ck in your a*s!)
Why did no Romanian
audition for Star Wars?
Why?
They don't even want
to work in the future!
Stupid peasants!
I'm sorry, I threw up last night,
I was very sick.
I couldn't hear the alarm or your call.
I apologize,
I can't make it to the cemetery.
Talk to you later.
So he used to have
an apartment of his own.
How did he lose it?
Slot machines, alcohol
he was addicted to both.
I see.
Slot machines are a scourge.
A parishioner of mine
threw himself off a building
a year and a half ago.
Stop that, brat!
That's enough!
He owed money to loan sharks.
Lost it playing the slots.
He didn't even die,
he was left crippled for life.
If I catch you, I'll break your legs!
Shut up, Father!
Calm down, please.
- Mind your own business!
- No, you!
Animal!
- Mind your own business!
- No, you!
- Couldn't the K.u.K. let him stay?
- I had already gotten him an extension.
Longer than usual.
But they wanted to build something new.
And evictions in autumn
and winter are rare.
It's more complicated.
I try to avoid them,
I feel sorry for the poor people.
I know, Orsolya, you have a kind heart.
You turned Orthodox to marry Vlad.
You had your children
christened in our faith.
Without God, man is
a poor, reasoning, talking animal,
coming from nowhere, going nowhere.
With no purpose in the world.
The human species' journey
reaches its apogee in the cemetery.
We can only avoid the metaphysical unease
of cemeteries, or narrow morals,
through religion.
In my theological reasoning,
not just you,
but any old hag with muddy feet
praying before the Virgin's icon,
if we compare her
to an atheist Nobel laureate,
that old woman is human,
and the atheist Nobel laureate is
A Nobel laureate skunk.
And being an atheist,
he'll die a skunk.
I know I don't come to church often
and I know I'm a sinner, but
in my heart, I have faith!
I know.
I know.
You're lucky, the church is under renovation,
so you're forgiven.
I didn't understand, though.
- How did the sinner hang himself?
- From the radiator.
He tied a wire to it,
then around his neck,
And sat down and pulled down hard
until he was completely suffocated.
- He pulled down really hard.
- Such determination!
I felt sick, almost fainted.
It smelled so bad,
there was urine on the floor.
It was terrible!
And I feel very, very guilty for it!
I understand,
but there's no reason to!
Did you put the noose
around his neck?
We are all sinners, who among us
could cast the first stone?
- You know how Philip Neri used to pray?
- No.
"God, keep hold of my ears,
or I'll sell you like Judas!"
"Like Judas I will sell you!"
I don't know, Father, I just feel like
Of course, legally, I'm not guilty,
that is out of the question,
but you know how it is,
people sh**t the piano player.
You did have that other case.
Yes, those activists
who swore at me online.
Saying I threw them out,
when they were ill*gal occupants.
It's true, though,
state policies for
the homeless are horrible.
I kept talking about it,
wrote articles in The Law.
The most vulnerable are the most exposed.
I know people who get fined
for having no ID,
but they can't get IDs
without a residence!
We give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar,
but he needs to do his bit!
Father,
I feel so
Still, a human being died
partly because of me!
He did not "die."
He committed suicide.
He took his own life,
the holiest thing.
That's something else.
Those who commit suicide
were never aware they were human.
They failed to acknowledge themselves,
to live themselves.
Man is not allowed suicide!
Under no circumstances, healthy or sick.
Man did not make himself.
Man did not come into being by choice.
Man shall not leave this world by choice.
That is the foundation of our existence.
And another thing:
You are also not allowed
to exaggerate your own guilt.
It is the sin of pride.
And the sin of dismay.
Of despair.
Even if you had been guilty.
Even if!
You are not allowed
to add more sins unto yourself.
- Do you understand what I'm saying?
- I'm trying.
God is my witness
I wanted to help him.
I suggested a shelter,
I gave him some money.
I got him a van.
"In vain do we believe
in the forgiveness of sins,
unless we also deeply believe
our sins have been forgiven."
Martin Luther was not an Orthodox,
but sometimes he got things right.
Right.
"In vain do we believe
in the forgiveness of sins,
unless we also deeply believe
our sins have been forgiven."
I want you to go home and open the Bible.
In there you have everything.
Shakespeare, compared to the Bible
- I can prove it in the Sorbonne! -
is a provincial scribe!
Read the Gospel of John,
and find solace in:
"Let not your heart be troubled:
ye believe in God, believe also in me.
In my Father's house are many mansions:
if it were not so, I would have told you.
I go to prepare a place for you.
And if I go and prepare a place for you,
I will come again,
and receive you unto myself; that where I am,
there ye may be also."
Alright?
Yes.
Father?
I sometimes wonder.
Why does God allow
so much injustice and suffering?
I've always wondered why
"whoever has, to him shall be given"
and "whoever does not have,
even what they have will be taken."
The Gospel can be harsh, indeed.
But it is us who misunderstand.
What is it that the person does not have?
No faith, no good deeds,
no hope, no purpose.
Then, what little they have
and do not use will be taken.
So it was actually
about faith and good deeds?
So generous is the Lord
that the Spirit gives without measure!
To those who "have."
If they have faith and good deeds,
they will be given more.
Heaped and above measure!
They are given
more than they came to ask.
But those without faith and good deeds
will even have taken
what little they think they have.
But still, there are
so many innocents who suffer.
Children dying in bombings
in Gaza or Ukraine.
Or starving in Yemen.
Again, the Gospel of John, 9:1-12 tells
of how Jesus cured a man born blind.
"As Jesus passed by, he saw a man
which was blind from his birth.
His disciples asked, saying, Master,
who did sin, that he was born blind?
This man, or his parents?
Jesus answered,
Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents.
but that the works of God
should be made manifest in him."
- So it's a mystery.
- In a way.
God shows us His might.
"I will be gracious
to whom I will be gracious,
and will show mercy
on whom I will show mercy."
Verses we forget all too often.
That's true.
A poet, Constantin Acosmei,
said God is like
like the i in complex numbers.
So "i" like "irrational?"
Absolutely not.
Beyond our reason?
That, yes, for sure.
Calm down now.
"Sufficiently unto the day
is the evil thereof."
Say the Lord's Prayer with me.
It will help, you'll see.
I believe that.
Our Father, which art in heaven,
Hallowed be they name.
Thy kingdom come, They will be done,
on earth, as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts,
as we forgive our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil:
For thine is the kingdom,
and the power, and the glory,
now and forever
and unto the ages of ages, Amen.
I had a horrible night, I felt sick.
I'm fine now,
I've been to see Father Serban.
I'm coming after all,
maybe tomorrow.
I thought maybe I should.
Yes, I'll drive there.
Maybe we can stay longer.
No, I haven't gotten over it.
Not at all.
Today I'll bring him flowers
at the Cemetery of the Poor.
I want to seriously think
of some decisions for the future.
I might return to teaching,
make some changes.
Don't worry, I won't drive fast.
I'll spend a night in Thessaloniki
and take the Ferry from Volos.
It's fine, you know I like long drives and-
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Kontinental '25 (2025)
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