03x02 - Too Hot to Survive

[bunniefuu]

Packed in there perfectly
like a Jenga, Nora.

Oh.

Nora, what are you doing?

Didn't you just work
a full day at the bodega?

Yeah. Can't stop, won't stop, Father.

I gotta sell some of
my old shoes on Depop.

I got my little slime biz here,

getting ready to ship out
these little babies.

- What?
- And I working on this logo.

It looks like a butthole.

Yeah. Yeah, thank you.

It's for
a sexual Kratom company.

I could do
your wedding invites as well.

I have all types
of different templates.

No, thank you.

Ew, what the hell is that?

Oh, this is slime.

This is huge on the Instagram.

- You're selling that?
- All the little kiddies love it.

I'm just trying
to get the right texture,

which is actually harder
than you think.

Yeah, Nora, listen.
You should be concentrating

on the whole... Like a career,
you know?

Not just selling 100 different
things on the Internet.

Just get a 9:00 to 5:00 job
like a normal person.

Dad, I'm not like you, okay?

I am not built for that boring,
normal, stable...

What am I gonna work for,
health benefits?

You need an income, Nora.

I can make 50K right now.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

Look at this, I get
these casting ads all the time.

There's a reality show.

- Too Hot to Survive.
- "Too Hot to Survive"?

"Sexy, fit singles
live in a house,

do challenges."

Like physical challenges
on a reality show?

Why you laughing?

You don't have
any core strength.

I have core strength.
I'm strong inside.

You quit
the dental assistant program.

You quit guitar lessons.
You quit Wordle.

Everyone quit Wordle.

Quitters never win, Nora.

Oh, my God, you really
don't think I could do it.

You struggle
doing a lady pushup.

- No, I don't.
- Princess.

I am like, I'm so good.
I could do...

I'm gonna pop one
for you right now.

Jesus.

You got this, you silly goose.

Oh, sh*t.

One.

You know, they're never gonna
pick you for that thing.

I'm your host, Dave Lee,

and these
are the gorgeous idiots

all vying to be
the last one standing

on Too Hot to Survive!

Oh, yeah.

Hey, guys, come on in.

Make yourselves at home.

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God!

- This is insane.
- It is!

- Boozing it up.
- I can do yoga there.

I can do yoga there.

Yo, can we, can we...

Ah, thank you, thank you.

You can sit down.
You don't have to

be all on the steps.

There you go.

Yeah, for sure.

My name is Nora.
So, hey, my name's Nora.

Did you want me to "Hey"?

Hey, my name is Nora.

I've come to make friends

and show off some of the goods,

my goods, my body goods.

I'm Poosh.
That is short for Pupoosha.

And I am from
the beautiful country

of Houston, Texas.

Go, Texans, whoo!

So my name is Ozzy, you know,
rhymes with Fozzie,

like the bear
who is my personal hero

because he wears a hat,
a scarf, with no pants,

which means that doink is out.

You feel me?

No, seriously, I'm here
because I'm trying

to purchase a car named Mandy.

I need $50,000
and I need it quick.

And I'm also here to prove
my f*cking stupid dad wrong.

Suck it, Dad.

I'm Shawn. I'm a short king,

and I am ready to slay
some box, if you catch my drift.

And also to win enough money

to pay for
my uncle's dialysis machine.

All right, pull it back.

Okay, my little hotties.

Do you wanna see
where you'll be sleeping?

Yes! All right.

Let's go on in.

Is that one giant bed?

Don't look down the lens,
just go on in.

Man, this is gonna be so epic!

- Whoo!
- Yeah!

I get to be in the middle.

- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.

Is this mongolian sheep hair?

Ooh, everything is so nice.

Wow, all of us
on the same bed, huh?

That's cool.

I'm a bit of a night-sweater.

I sweat at night.

It's... I wake up drenched.

- No, no.
- Good morning.

- Oh, hey, Ma.
- Hey.

- How you doing?
- Okay.

I'm just getting a Tupperware
to soak some seaweed.

You be careful.

I'm fine.

Hey, get down from there!

- Easy.
- Okay.

Gosh, this is dangerous.
You could k*ll yourself.

Just get me and tell me,
and I can help you.

Son, you're not always here,
but Jessimae is.

Love you, Jessimae.

You know, you don't need that.

- Give me that. You don't...
- No, I do, I do need this.

Let go, Mom.

Jesus Christ.

And what the hell is it?
It's so f*cked-up-looking.

This stool has been
in the family longer than you.

That doesn't matter.
It's broken. You need to...

Excuse me, I will go to G Mart.

No, no, no, you can't go
to G Mart by yourself.

You know Nora doesn't like that

and she's off
doing that stupid TV show.

Why aren't you at work, anyway?

Because, obviously,
I'm needed here to help you

so that you don't fall
and break your neck.

- Right?
- No. I'm okay.

- We're going to G Mart.
- No.

- Get in the car... Yes!
- No. No.

- In the car, lady.
- Eh, fine.

Right now, march.

- I'm going to drive.
- No, you're not.

Cheers.

To us.

Don't give me the whole bottle.

Oh, my God,
Dillo and Ozzy are so cute.

And Jan, Jan is so hot.
I'd totally do Jan.

Who?

Hello, party people.

Yeah, what's up?

It's that guy.

Oh, welcome to your new digs.
You liking the place?

Yeah.

Oh, that's too bad because you
gotta get the f*ck out!

Is that a fire alarm?

No, just a tasty twist.

- Tasty...
- What?

Turns out this game isn't about
surviving the competition.

It's about actual survival.

They won't be doing it
in this house.

They'll be doing it
on the Pee Pee Beach.

Wait, what beach?

I love beaches.

- You guys ready?
- No.

Well, too bad! You should've
read the fine print!

Welcome to the real
Too Hot to Survive.

Brought to you
by Pee Pee Champagne,

the official champagne
of Pee Pee Beach.

Glug, glug. Pee, pee!

To win that $50,000,

our contestants
must survive to the end.

Find this special acorn
and bring it to this flag.

I found it!
Oh, my God, it's right there.

Not this one,
you beautiful dumbass.

There's another one of these

hidden somewhere on the island

off Pee Pee Beach.

In order to find it,
you'll need clues,

and in order to get clues,

you'll need to win challenges,

but first a reward challenge

and it starts, tick tock,
tick tock, tick, now!

Yes!

One lucky winner sleeps
on an air mattress tonight

instead of the sand.

Whoever blows up
their palm tree first, wins.

The only catch is you can't use
your hands or feet.

Begin.

Yes, b*tch.

f*ck, yeah!

Is she using her a*s? Genius.

Full disclosure, I didn't know
what to think about Nora

because she has the voice
of an 80-year-old man,

but watching her
pump that balloon,

man.

And my dad said
I have no core strength!

That doesn't work.
That's not how you do it.

- That's not how you do it.
- Wow, almost there.

That's not how you do it!

Yes!

Yes. Congratulations, Nora.
You win.

And you get to sleep
in comfort tonight.

It wasn't me.
It was my perineum.

Okay. Perineum.

Short King grew a few inches,
if you know what I mean.

I mean my d*ck.

Let's see.

Oh, Ma, no.

These are so sticky,
these gummies.

I don't wanna be helping you

pick this sh*t
out of your teeth for an hour

- like last time.
- Ah.

Ah, shrimpey chips.

Oh, Ma, you're
k*lling me. You're k*lling me.

Look, these are
75% preservatives,

they're full of sodium,
and they're fried.

You love these.

I know, I know, but, you know,
maybe we could eat

a little bit healthier.

- No, give it back.
- No. No.

- Ma, give it back.
- Come on.

- No. No! No.
- Ma, let go! Let go.

What?

- Elder abuse! Elder abuse!
- No, no, no!

Somebody record this
so I can get on NextShark!

Hey, stop it.
Get up, get up, get up.

Ozzy, Jan, Dillo, and Poosh,

I don't know, are just kind of,
like, dancing in a circle,

forming a friendship
that seems everlasting.

And I asked if I could come

and they said
there wasn't enough room,

which is a weird thing to say
about the ocean,

but I'm not angry about it.

Alas, I have come to win
one challenge.

Um, so f*ck you, Dad!

Ow! The mosquitoes here
are so big.

Not enough room in the ocean
for you either, huh?

Don't worry.
The only alliance that matters

is you, boop, and me, boop.

As long as we keep winning,
dude, we'll be fine.

Ooh, I love the confidence
of a tall goddess.

I'm, like, 5'2".

You had me at five.

You wanna cuddle,

so we can keep each other warm
with body heat?

It's, like, 85 degrees
and humid.

I know. I love a wet sleep.

Okay.

Frankenstein!

I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.
I do that at night.

Wally! Wally!

Yes, Ma, what happened?

What's the matter?

Where is she?

I have no idea
what you're talking about, Ma.

You have every idea.

Where is Jessimae?

Well, Jessimae
is apparently a person.

Maybe she walked out of here
on her own.

Very funny.
Give her back or else.

I have no idea where she is.

Well, then I'm afraid
I'm gonna have to forfeit

eating healthy, nutritious,
top-shelf food

in exchange
for bottom-shelf bullshit.

Ma.

Ma.

I'm a bottom feeder now, Wally.

And it's all your fault.

You are
one crafty Chinese b*tch.

It's a new day in paradise

on Pee Pee Beach.

Today is their first
elimination challenge.

Our contestants are paired
in teams of two.

Poosh and Ozzy, Jan and Dillo,

and Norbert and Shawn.

- It's Nora.
- Short King.

The challenge is simple.

They'll search a mud bucket
to find a key.

Then once they have the key,

they have to delicately unlock

the final pieces of a 3D puzzle.

First team
to solve that 3D puzzle

wins a clue to the acorn.

Last team gets eliminated. Begin.

What...

I got it.
I just wanna say first,

I just wanna say I'm so happy
that we're teamed up together.

I got this for you.
I don't want you to get dirty.

Just continue.

I don't really wanna
touch the mud, though.

I really don't wanna
touch the mud. It's...

What you mean
you don't wanna touch the mud?

This is a... Get out of here!

Oh, here's the key.

Yes! Yes!

Wow, Jan and Dillo
surprisingly good at this.

Go counterclockwise
to you know where you are.

Start in the corner
and work this way.

You don't even
wanna touch it, dude.

- You got this.
- Get in there.

Dig deeper. Hurry!
Oh, give it here.

Yes! Yes! We're amazing.

Jan and Dillo win,
but two teams remain.

Turn it.

We gotta move.
We gotta do something.

Something's not right.

Here you go.
Baby wants, baby gets.

Okay. Hold on with the "baby."

Oh, Nora and Shawn arguing

like me and my wife
over the last slice of pizza.

And I hate pizza.

This? Pick this? Okay.

- This one.
- Yes.

I'm helping. I'm contributing.
I'm contributing.

- Great job, okay.
- I can do the last piece.

Okay.
Let's do it together.

Help me, help me. Oh, yeah.

We don't need two people
for this, Short King.

Nora and Shawn
with the last piece.

- Yes!
- That means they're safe.

And Poosh and Ozzy
have been eliminated.

So slow.

I wasn't good at geometry.
It wasn't my thing.

I'm sorry.

I just can't believe I lost

to a girl wearing socks
on the beach the whole time.

I just kinda think
this game is bullshit.

And...

Oh, yeah.

What the f*ck was that?

Poosha, my God!

Oh, yeah.

Surprise twist, guys, you've
just heard the foghorn of death

which means Poosh
and Ozzy have been eliminated.

You mean "ex*cuted."

Oh, my God, this is... This is
like a reality Squid Game.

Not at all.
This is Too Hot to Survive.

No! No, wait for me!

Did you get my good side?

We're down to our final four

and everyone's searching
for that special acorn.

Two of them have a clue.

Two of them
have no clue whatsoever.

Now let's go see
some more bloodshed.

We gotta find that acorn.

We don't have any clues.

Maybe we could just live here
and make short babies.

No. I can't go out like this.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God.
I think Jan just died!

Oh, no, Jan.

We have to hold it together.
We have to keep on going.

Okay.

Oh, no, I can't do this!

Short people never win.

They win sometimes.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, Short King.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Winners never quit.

Quitters never win.

Ooh, what was that?

Ma, what the hell are you doing?

What the hell
you think I'm doing?

I'm looking for Jessimae.

Oh, Jessimae...

Is she behind this calendar?

- No. Ma, no!
- Maybe I should look.

What the hell are you do...
Come on.

Are you crazy?

I'm sorry. Does it hurt
your feelings

when someone messes with
your personal property?

Oh, Ma, why?

Why you even home now?
You should be at work!

I got fired, Mom.

What?

All right.
Don't make me say it again.

Here's your Jessimae.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I just gonna have to
get another job, I guess.

I haven't told Brenda yet.

I will, though.

I'm sure you'll get
another job soon.

In fact, I have one for you now.

Do you?

Clean your f*cking room.

Must find acorn.

Acorn.

Must find acorn.

Hungry.

Ra, ra, ra!

Logo.

Logo!

Yes. Acorn!

Acorn!

Victory is mine!

Wow. We didn't think
it was possible,

but Nora has found
the special acorn.

I love acorn!

Yes, and acorn loves you.

Congratulations, Nora.

Everybody dead.

Oh. Well, um, nobody died.

Nobody got blasted,

so all good.
We're gonna cut that out.

What?

JK.

- Oh, yeah.
- Nora.

The game was fake all along.

Anytime someone was eliminated,
they fell through a trap door

and we brought them here,
yes, yes.

All of us got to see
the rest of the game

and, quite frankly,
you did amazing.

Girl, you were so flames,
eating that bird alive.

And then when
you drank your own pee

and then peed out your own pee,

it was Mother Nature
collapsing on itself.

You should really be proud.

But, unfortunately, we had to

give the prize money
to Short King,

for legal reasons,

because when he fell through
the trap door,

he broke his leg.

I'm gonna grow it back bigger.

But we have something for you
that's even better than money.

Wait for it.

Tada!

You get to keep this.

Yeah. And, of course,
you have your memories,

which is like
you look back and laugh,

like, "Oh, my God,
it was amazing.

I thought everyone died."

But it's just that nobody
can ever see the show

because we can never air it.

Okay.

It's all good.

To you, thank you for my ability

to be here on the programming.

- Anytime.
- And to you folks,

I bid you adieu.

Gracious...

No, she's good, she's good.

Don't get all afraid of me.

It's so emotional.
I can't...

No!

I was really rooting for you.

I'm sorry the whole game thing

didn't work out, though, princess.

Oh, no, you're right.

Reality shows aren't really
the best way

to make a living, I guess.

Oh, but, I mean, come on.
You won the whole g*dd*mn thing.

You showed everybody.

No, I did, yeah.

Showed myself
that I could eat raw seagull

that I k*lled myself.

- You k*lled it yourself.
- Yeah.

- It was liberating, Father.
- It was amazing.

Yeah, I should've known better
than to underestimate you.

Look at me.
I'm the unemployed loser.

You'll get a job
in no time, Dad.

- Yeah, I...
- And until then,

I got alot of things going on.

I can keep the family afloat
for a little while.

Wow.

So all you got
was this Pee Pee Champagne?

Yes, Pee Pee Shom-phan-yeh,
the call it.

Directly from the Pee Pee.

From the Urian region.

And I also got the acorn,
which I gave to Grandma

because she likes to keep
all my old trophies.

Wow.

Ah, Jessimae, you're hurt.

Oh, I'm so sorry, baby.

Well, time to retire you.

Who the is Awkwafina?