02x01 - Landfall

[bunniefuu]

(SERMON IN LATIN)

- Behold, therefore

- (VOICES OVERLAP)

I will gather all thy lovers with

whom thou hast taken pleasure.

I will even gather

them round against thee,

and will discover thy

nakedness unto them.

Though I was their husband,

-

- declareth the Lord

And I will judge thee, as

women that break wedlock.

And he resurrected

himself from the dead.

What is she doing here?

I heard you had wine

and a piano.

She has lain with the basket weaver.

She sleeps

with women.

Oh.

Sometimes she does, yes.

(CHUCKLES)

Were you watching us, Father?

Out!

Out from this house of God!

(LAUGHS MANICALLY)

Out!

(ETHEREAL MUSIC)

(WATER BABBLES)

Caz!

Apple? Or one of Jem's scones?

Oh, Jem's scone, please.

It's disgusting what

people throw in here.

This river used to be a food basket

for my family when I was a kid.

Tuna, watercress, freshwater crays

Now, it's a toilet for the cows.

Do you think these weekly

clean-ups are making a difference?

Of course. But it's the stuff you

can't see that's the most toxic.

The blessing for the housing

estate's this afternoon.

Yeah.

It's not really my thing, eh.

Anahera, it's no wonder that

lot think Māori are extinct.

As mana whenua, we have

to make our presence known.

And if we're lucky, we

might get a sausage sizzle.

I'll see you there.

(WATER BABBLES)

- Thanks for the scone, Jem.

- All good.

(SOFT EERIE MUSIC)

Last on the agenda, the phasing out

of chemical fertilisers by 2030

bylaw from Gerald Davis for

inclusion on next month's open ballot.

All in favour?

Three vo

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

My resignation will be

on your desk by tomorrow.

I'm busy.

(CHATTER)

- Can I have a word?

- Yeah.

The bylaw was voted

through to a public ballot.

Sir Keith, a photo with Mayor Richter?

Of course.

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

- Agnes. Have you seen Whina?

- I'm doing the prayer.

Thank you, Agnes.

Greetings.

I am Keith Murphy.

Good afternoon, everybody.

Agnes O'Malley has kindly offered

to open proceedings with a Māori prayer.

Rūrangi has a proud, pioneering history,

beginning in 1769,

when Captain Cook literally

put us on the map of the world.

The settlers - forebears of many of us -

- (DISTANT TINNY JINGLE)

- soon follow.

- (VAN EMITS JINGLE)

- The first timber mills were established,

and later, the pastoral paradise

we now call home.

(JINGLE CONTINUES) (WOMAN

SINGS ALONG WITH JINGLE)

Anyone for a colonisation cone?

And we're now celebrating a

fresh new look for our town,

- with Rūrangi's first

- (SCATTERED APPLAUSE)

- Sorry, folks.

- townhouse complex.

We're out of all flavours

today, except vanilla.

- MUTTERS: What is she doing?

- We do, however, have a wide range

of sprinkles smallpox,

environmental degradation,

language suppression and special

surprise sprinkles of the day -

land theft.

Ha! Yummy.

- (DOOR OPENS, SHUTS)

- I couldn't be more proud

to reveal the name of the new complex.

You know, a thriving

forest once stood here.

Mayor Richter, would you

please do the honours?

In honour of one of the

region's founding fathers,

and my ancestor, James Murphy, it

gives me great pleasure to pronounce

- Murphy Meadows

- A new name!

ready for construction.

James Murphy was responsible

for the m*rder of my ancestors.

- Completely untrue.

- He arrived here with an army.

- He went on a k*lling spree.

- Let's stick to the facts, Whina.

(CHUCKLES LIGHTLY)

And he stole our land.

We were working in the

fields at the time, unarmed.

Survival of the fittest, love.

So, while you all celebrate today,

remember whose land it is

that you are standing on,

and whose blood was spilt

so that you could be here,

because Māori never

gave any of this

away.

Look, I'm sorry you feel that way,

Whina, but I think you'll find that

this particular block was sold to

council by one of your iwi members.

And this development is a positive move,

creating jobs and Māori will benefit.

He waka eke noa.

We're all in this canoe

together.

Thank you.

(OMINOUS MUSIC BUILDS)

- (TENSE MUSIC)

- RADIO: As if this year of drought,

floods and taxes wasn't enough

Rūrangi may find itself

voting on a new bylaw.

Phasing out chemical

fertilisers and phosphates.

Local dairy farmer Duncan

is on the line with me.

Are you worried Duncan?

Nah, mate. Even if it makes the ballot,

there's no way Rūrangi's

going to vote for it.

Gerald Davis might disagree with you.

(LAUGHS) That man's a

dreamer on a toy farm.

You know as well as I do, farmers

can't give up on phosphates.

That's how we get turnover.

Turnover is how we make a living

from the milk. End of story.

No, your dad can't eat this.

Gerald's had a hip replacement,

not a mouth replacement.

He's on blood thinners. He needs

to avoid foods high in vitamin K.

Thanks for staying with him.

I would, but things are still

Well, your dad's been good to me.

I still can't believe you're back.

Guess you're missing Auckland?

Yeah, a bit.

WHISPERS: It's definitely

him. Go and say something.

So what happens if it turns

out you really like farming?

Excuse me, Mr Davis.

Hi. I'm Seth. You don't know me.

I'm Caz. This is Jem.

- Hey.

- Hello.

I just We just

wanted to say well done.

What did I do?

You stood up to all those

transphobes at the council.

There's this cool TikTok.

They bleep out your dead name.

So, anyway, we got to go.

See ya.

Bye.

Can I have your autograph?

Reckon there's paparazzi in the carpark?

They'll be for me, eh?

(PENSIVE MUSIC)

Do you think it's any easier

growing up here these days?

Oh, it wasn't so bad, was it?

What about the old Valiant?

Oh, pushing it down the driveway

so Mum and Dad couldn't hear us.

Doing doughnuts at the

dump. Like superheroes.

- Yeah. It was pretty fun.

- (CAT MEOWS)

Oh, Jesus on a f*cking bicycle.

Where's your walker, Dad?

You can take that thing

back to the hospital.

- But you're supposed to

- Give it to someone who needs it.

The tree in the southern

paddock's finally come down.

Is this you asking me to

do something about the tree?

Well, your wages went through last

night, so, yeah, I suppose it is.

- (KNOCK ON DOOR)

- I'll get it.

Me own flesh and blood working the farm.

- I never thought I'd see the day.

- Yeah, yeah.

JEM IN THE DISTANCE:

He's in the kitchen.

Ah, Rob.

- Gerald. (CLEARS THROAT)

- Gidday.

These are for you.

Um Justine and Rick's farm.

I bought it. The house, too.

Got a lot to unpack, still, so

Hey, uh, no one said

anything to me about it.

Yeah, well, I'm telling you now

and I got you some

gidday, neighbour' beers.

I'll take those.

Why don't we sit down

and talk about it, eh?

Rick told you about my beehives?

Yeah. Like I said, I

got a lot of unpacking

- And the 20m zone?

- Sorry?

You can't spray any

chemicals on your property

- within 20m of our shared boundary.

- (CLICKS TONGUE)

Yeah, Rick did mention that.

Right. Well, there you go.

Yeah. He said it was all

done over a handshake, so

Enjoy the beersies.

Rob.

Rob! (DOOR SHUTS)

(EASY-GOING MUSIC)

(CHAINSAW WHIRRS)

(SOUND DISTORTS)

Oh, I'm knackered.

Oi. Beer o'clock.

- Still got a bit to do.

- Yeah, I'm good. Done.

I guess we can finish

after milking tomorrow.

So

milking.

Well, this is an organic dairy farm.

No, I'm just saying,

who do you reckon the first

person was that was like,

Look at that animal. I want

to squeeze the milk out of it.'

(GENTLE, BRIGHT MUSIC)

How's the new farmhand

going? He's a bit of a babe.

- Don't.

- You think he'll stick around?

Doubt it. Rūrangi's

way too small for him.

I still want to know why he came back.

I came back because I

missed my awesome friends.

What's this quiz night like at the pub?

Oh, Gerald's not gonna

be able to make it, so

There you are.

You haven't got back to me about

our moko wānanga. You coming?

- You getting your moko done?

- N No, no. Not me.

- Not yet.

- Uh, Whina is, though.

It's never too late. Coming

to the marae tomorrow?

(SIGHS) I'm working.

No you're not. It's your day off.

SOFTLY: Oh

Please come, bub.

What your nan did? It's all in the past.

See you tomorrow.

What did your nan do?

She did the best she

could, is what she did.

(MYSTICAL MUSIC)

(MUSIC DISTORTS, INTENSIFIES)

(THUNDER CRACKS)

(EERIE MUSIC)

(BASSY MUSIC PLAYS QUIETLY)

He kotakota rīwai ēnei.

- Kotakota rīwai means chips.

- Choice.

We need to speak our

language to keep it alive.

Brave.

- What's going on there?

- She steals from my shop.

I've caught her red-handed.

And a few weeks ago, she called

Anahera a plastic Māori.

You've always been a

bit of a weirdo magnet.

- Are we ready for the final round?

- (ALL CHEER, SMACK TABLES)

Ooh, yeah.

All right. First, bonus points for

anyone who can mansplain to me, uh,

this anti-phosphate bylaw

in five words or less.

(SNORES)

Oh, it's a bylaw, love. Means

you've got to be a g*y to vote.

Oh, we've got a team of

experts here, though, eh?

I I'm not g*y.

Hey, Rob. Can you tell

us why being g*y is funny?

Oh, no, no, no. No need to

be touchy. It's a joke, OK?

(MUFFLED MUSIC PLAYS)

How can I come out if I don't

even know what to come out as?

And if he's leaving, is there even

any point? I mean, it's Rūrangi.

- You heard them in there.

- Jem,

whatever you do,

make sure you do it for yourself.

Not for Caz,

not for Rūrangi.

You do you.

(MUSIC BLARES)

Agnes, can we get some

more chips over here?

Hello? I'm off-duty.

DRUNKENLY: OK, so, currently in

first place, we have The Udders.

(TABLE CHEERS)

Yay.

In second place, we have Butter Me Up.

(SCATTERED CHEERS)

- Who came up with the name?

- I did.

I like it.

And in joint last, we have

Milk Manly and Holy Cow.

(CHEERS, APPLAUSE)

Ay. But we all know you're just

here for the beersies, boys.

(SCATTERED LAUGHTER)

OK, next question. (CLEARS THROAT)

Who scored the most tries

for our boys in black

over the last three rugby seasons?

(SOUND DISTORTS)

The question may or may not have

something to do with next week's

screening of a community documentary.

- WHISPERS: Ainofo.

- WHISPERS: Andy Ainofo.

Caz.

(DISTORTION INTENSIFIES)

VOICE OVERLAPS: That's

the bloody answer.

(SNAP! SNAP!)

(SNAP!)

- (DISTORTION STOPS ABRUPTLY)

- Give me the bloody pen.

DISTANTLY: Oi, Bunting, put

your phone away, you cheat.

He's been on my case

about whether I'm staying.

And you're surprised?

Jem's mum left him. His dad was

a pisshead, then he buggered off.

You know the story.

Guess I left him, too.

(CELLPHONE RINGS)

Hey, Louise.

What?

No, no, no. I'm home.

(SIGHS) OK.

That was Louise. Someone's having

a party at the bloody op shop.

(MUFFLED MUSIC PLAYS)

No cars outside.

BOTH: sh*t.

- Good song.

- It's not even funny.

b*tch, I ain't the one

He don't want luh-luh-love

He just wanna fuh-fuh, ow

Little vacation, drip until we naked

Turn that music off.

No! Put my nan's slide projector

down and turn that music off, now!

(MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY)

- Who's this?

- My friend Taylor.

- sh*t.

- You forgot to lock up.

You said I could try

stuff on any time I wanted.

Yeah. Not when we're closed.

And this. This is my nan's

Princess Di commemoration plate.

- Um, Princess Di, as in

- Yeah, from Drag Race.

She does merch.

Caz,

take them home.

Is there someone at home

that can pick you up?

- No. No one.

- The keys are in the car.

Nah. There needs to be two

adults travelling with them.

We're not in Auckland, Mr Youth Worker.

Um, Seth's got a car.

- Not Seth. His car's

- Is it unsafe?

It's haunted by the ghost of his

dead grandmother. Does that count?

No. And does Seth have his full licence?

He actually doesn't. So I guess

you have to drive us back, Mr Davis.

So, you're out to everyone now?

Pretty much. Out as trans, out as g*y.

Out as lactose intolerant.

Lactose intolerant. Oh

my God. How shocking.

Actually, I don't know

if Dad knows I'm g*y.

But, yeah, he's he's still learning.

- He's getting there.

- That gives me hope.

Her mum and dad are still

learning. Mine too, I guess.

Hey, what, um, pronouns do you use?

- I'm still kind of figuring out.

- Yeah. All good.

- You OK if I use they/them?

- Yeah.

Hey, will you come talk to our group?

- You have a group?

- Rainbow Feather Splash Pattern.

I named it.

(CAR HORN BEEPS)

- Oh my God.

- Hope you like classical music.

('IN THE HALL OF THE

MOUNTAIN KING' BLARES)

- Hey, Mr Davis.

- What did I tell you on the phone?

It's Hall of the Mountain King.

You literally can't stop

it once it starts going.

Bet I can. Get in the back.

(MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY)

(EERIE MUSIC)

(CRICKETS CHIRP)

(CHUCKLES)

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

(ETHEREAL SYNTH MUSIC)

(CAR BEEPS, UNLOCKS)

(SYNTH MUSIC INTENSIFIES)

Wayne, come and have a

look at this. It's amazing.

(DISTANT RUMBLE)

(RUMBLE INTENSIFIES)

It's all right. Just

keep your head down.

(WET SQUELCHING, BUBBLING)

(FUNKY DARK SYNTH MUSIC)