01x04 - Episode 4

[bunniefuu]

To get your driving license,

the first thing you need to do

is to memorize the highway code

or be lucky enough to get
questions you know the answer to.

While you learn the highway code,

at driving school you'll be taught how
to operate a vehicle:

what the brakes are for,
the accelerator, the gear box

and above all you'll learn how to park.

When your instructor is confident
that you are ready,

you'll do your exam.
And with a little luck,

you'll pass
on your fourth or fifth attempt.

And you will think,
you know how to drive.

However, this is when

the real and dangerous lessons begin.

- This isn't a coffee.
- Of course it isn't, it's linden tea.

Everybody has a linden tea
before their practical,

- for the nerves.
- I'm not nervous.

I'm seeing what it's like.
I'm sure I'll fail.

You're right, it's just hot water.
This is useless.

The little white box in there, it helps.

Benzodiazepines? Serious?
You want me to get into an accident?

- They're not that strong.
- Sure.

There is stronger stuff, like heroin.

- Drama queen.
- I told you if I flunk, I don't care.

We won't hear the end of it if you flunk.

Lorenzo says all you need for the test

is a pair of good shoes and your ID.

Knowing how to drive should also
come in handy, right?

- Turn around.
- Why? I can't right here.

Turn around, I forgot my ID.
Whenever you can.

Oh no, I have it.

Oh, those nerves.

I'm not nervous.
I don't need to take anything.

What are you doing?

- Don't, we'll have an accident.
- It's fine, don't you worry.

I take one every night
to be able to sleep.

But right now,
it's not like you're going to bed.

Honestly, it's not a problem.

How long have you been on these?

Four months? Six? A year? Not sure.

I DON'T LIKE DRIVING

Pablo, the other day I lied.

I lied. I talk about you in therapy.

Straighten up. We're almost there.

How am I not going to speak about you,
of us, our break-up?

I talk about a lot of stuff,
loads of stuff,

but I also talk about you, about us.

Because we get along really well.

We got along really well
when we were together.

- Yup. Keep your eyes forward.
- Of course.

But we didn't have a real relationship.

Not even now... now we are friends.

We have an odd relationship.

Look forward.

We've split up, but we still hang out.

I drive you around everywhere.

We don't have sex,

we didn't have much sex when
we were together either.

Now everything is like it used to be,

we tease each other,
lots of hee-hee's, lots of ha-ha's,

but when it boils down to it...

When it boils down to it what?

I'm tired, Pablo.

But it's normal, Iria,
you just took a Xanax.

It's not that.

Honestly, you understand what you want.

Maybe it's not the best time
to talk about this.

- Let's wait until after the exam.
- Of course, whatever you say.

Hee-hee, ha-ha.

- Are you OK?
- I'm fine, you?

Well, I'm a little worried now,
to be honest.

You should have had that linden tea.

And you shouldn't have had that Xanax.

I take one every day.
It's not a big deal if I take two today.

- Good luck with the test.
- It's fine, I'm not going to pass.

Yeah, yeah.
It not being a big deal is bullshit.

I'll be done by 11.
I'll wait here for you?

Did Lucia get a new car?

That wasn't Lucía, it was my dad.

Your dad? And he took off?
I would have liked to say hello.

You don't prefer the mystery?

The mystery?

What if you meet him
and it's a disappointment.

Why would I be disappointed?
Does he eat little children?

That's right, he eats kids.

Every night he gets into
his fancy SUV you saw

and goes out hunting for kids.
Sometimes he finds

stray kids, but he also

snatches them through open windows,

to eat them of course.

- Are you OK?
- No, I'm very nervous about the exam.

And that's how you get
when you're nervous?

Like what? Cynical? Unbearable? Sullen?

- Rude.
- Yes, every time.

And you? You're not nervous?

I'm just sightseeing here.

- I'm here to try it out.
- You're not going to pass.

No, I know I won't pass.

Pass meaning,
I'm here to give it a go, not to pass.

...nervous. So, let's keep calm.

Seriously,
there are a lot of roundabouts,

a lot to look out for... finally.

- Yoli, what's that you've got there?
- What?

- What's on your forehead?
- Where?

On your forehead. Wait, here...
What's this?

- What's this. An "L"!
- For loser?

Nonsense! "L" for License.

You're going to pass and nail it, sweetie.

Professor, what a surprise!
Well, not really,

I saw your name on the list.

Surprised to see you on the list.
But eyes open, eyes wide open.

Very good, I think it's a great idea.

I'm serious. Good that you came

to see the exam, even if you fail.

That's right, I'm here to try my luck.

Careful,
this has nothing to do with luck.

Either, you know your stuff or you don't.

This is make-or-break.

Yeah.

I didn't know there was
an exact science to driving.

Very exact.

So exact that if you fail on the road,

it's only your life on the line.

But rest assured,
I'm here to keep you out of danger.

But when you pass,
you're on your own and then...

But don't fret about it,
because you're going to flunk.

Well...

- Maybe I'll pass.
- It doesn't look likely.

- I might.
- I doubt it.

- We'll see.
- No because it doesn't look like...

I thought I could sign up.

Oh, should have, would have, could have.

Do I have time to go to the loo?

I drank like eight 'sleepy' teas today.

- Did it work?
- To calm me down? No.

But to go to the bathroom yes.
Are the examiners coming?

Hold it, Yoli.
Because speak of the devil.

Guerrero. A real sourpuss.
He flunks everybody.

Vizcarra. He's retiring in two months.

He could care less. Instant pass.

Zúñiga. Super demanding.

Very strict, but fair.

And that's who we're stuck with.

Oh.

Let's see.
Yolanda Macías and Pablo Lopetegui.

Show me where the reflective vest goes.

Here.

Correct.

You, lift the hood.

Point out
the windshield wiper fluid reservoir.

The windshield wiper fluid reservoir.

Correct.

Who wants to start?

Drive on your own for a few minutes

and then I'll begin giving you directions.
Whenever you're ready.

Just like me.
It happened to me this morning.

It stalled on me too.

Don't worry. Proceed.

I'll give you directions now.
At the roundabout

we take the second exit
as if to turn to the left,

not including the restricted one.

Now let's look for a space along
this street to parallel park.

This one will do.

- Here?
- Yes.

OK.

Wheel to the curb,
license in your pocket.

Very good. Turn off the engine
and let's change drivers.

Your exam has concluded.

Thank you.

Start driving.

It stalled on Lorenzo this morning too.

Start driving.

You said it earlier, right?

- Merge on or this exam is over.
- There's no room to maneuver.

Eyes forward, don't look back.

I repeat, merge onto the road
or this exam is over.

Very good, now follow my directions.

Second exit at the roundabout.

Did you say the second exit?

Yes, the second exit off the roundabout.

Unnecessary delay at
the roundabout is also a penalization.

It's considered a mistake.
Two mistakes and you've failed.

What happened?

What's that? What happened?

What happened?

Lopetegui, get out.

After I give my feedback to Macías,
I'll get to you.

How did it go?

What's the beeping device
during the exam?

- The horn?
- Not the horn,

it beeps, it's a loud as hell sound.

You mean the monitor. It goes off
if the teacher uses the pedals.

- And why would he use the pedals?
- So you don't crash.

- And if he uses them... you fail.
- Automatic fail.

And now he's going to tell me I flunked?

No, they don't tell you anything.

But people who flunked
would get pissed off with the examiner.

Relatives would show up to beat him up.

OK.

How did it go?

Not sure, I thought I did OK,

but then he told me my mistakes.

Yolanda, please. Don't tell me
you're one of those who say

"I've failed" and then aces it, please.

No, you find out later
if you've passed or not.

That's so you don't beat him up.

What?

Just one thing. I've flunked, right?

Come in and I'll point out
the mistakes you've made.

No, just tell me if I've flunked.

Professor. Come in and have a seat.

Lopetegui, you were not ready
for the exam.

And yes you've failed.

If the instructor uses his pedal
it's an automatic fail, OK?

Professor!

Hi, this is Iria. Leave a message.

Where are you? I'm done
and I'm waiting here for you.

And... whatever, as expected, I failed.

But no big deal...

Call me, I'm a bit worried.

I hope you're OK. Kisses. Bye.

What?

Professor,
need a ride back to civilization?

- Yes, they're picking me up.
- Are you sure?

- Pretty sure.
- Well, come with us.

It's not necessary.

Come on, get in
so you're not left here stranded.

Come on, you're driving.

Free class, yes.

It'll come in handy for the next exam.

Come on.

All I'm saying is that

it was wrong to take off
without listening to the examiner.

It's not like you were going
to change his mind or anything.

But imagine you're stuck with Zúñiga
on the next road exam.

Maybe he'll have it in for you.

Hasn't that ever happened with a student?

Same thing here.

For example,
there's this student of mine,

who I can't stand,
she really gets on my nerves.

- Who is it?
- You!

I knew you'd fall for it, Espe.
I knew it.

I'm joking, you're one of my favorites.

I'm going to be sad
to see you go when you pass.

Ninth time is a charm.

Ninth, ninth.
Beethoven's symphony number nine

is exactly what the professor
performed today.

He started talking to Zúñiga
in the middle of the exam!

To Juan Francisco "The Rock" Zúñiga!

You have to know when to shut up,
professor.

Are you serious? Are you lecturing me
about not shutting up?

An examiner is never spoken to.

I said the space was tight.

The very same space
in which Yoli ex*cuted

perfect parallel parking
and I take my hat off, Yoli.

Now, if a car can get in,
it can certainly get out.

I was just commenting.

Listen, I'm rarely quiet.

During exams, I'm more handsome
when I pipe down.

You weren't that quiet when
the car stalled on Yoli.

When it happened to me not a beep,

not a word, not even a sound.

Professor,
I had already played that card.

OK. I'm going to make
a formal complaint to the DfT,

get them to forget this exam
and re-do it.

Look, lodging a complaint
about Zúñiga is pointless.

No, I'm not going to lodge one against
Zúñiga, I'm lodging it against you.

Why not a heads-up about
the beeping pedals?

You used them? Why did you even use them?

You were about to plow
into another vehicle

who was going around the roundabout.
My goodness.

No. That's wrong.
I had it all under control,

you made me flunk.

Pablo, whenever you drive, I'm always
using the passenger-side pedals.

I warned you
that you weren't ready for the test,

but we can't beat your stubbornness.

During the lessons,
the pedals don't beep.

Here I was,
thinking I was learning to drive

and actually it was you
fiddling with the pedals.

You're releasing
that clutch too fast, professor.

Right now... I just used the pedals,
and you haven't even noticed.

Why? You don't listen to the car.

Can you please shut the hell up!

You're a pain in the a*s, Lorenzo,
a royal pain in the a*s!

All day there... Tatatatata.

Go back and be a cab driver
so you can yap away!

Seriously, please.

And I'm going
to lodge a complaint to the DfT.

I'm sending a letter to them

so that you're banned from
teaching driving ever again.

And one more thing,

I've taken so many lessons
and you haven't taught me anything.

And why? You're not an educator
nor nothing else for that matter.

I'm late!

Sorry I'm late.

Something came up.

Let's see, where were we...?

Sorry. All done.

No. Check it.
It might be your road test result.

We're all interested to know if you've
passed or failed, Macías.

And?

I passed.

I'll be right back.

Pop quiz. Books off the tables.

Four questions...
Take one then pass the rest.

Topics we've already covered in class.

- You can't do this.
- You have an hour.

Say something, school counselor.

- What do I say?
- That he can't do this.

We already told him that.

Quiet!

You have one hour.

Pen's down. Your hour is up.

Yolanda.

This isn't like driving school.

Any idiot who can turn
a steering wheel can pass.

This is a uni degree, don't forget.

- I know.
- Being someone's "daughter" means nothing.

Your father, no matter who,
won't get you a degree.

- I know.
- Maybe you're not aware of something.

Like what?

That talent is not inherited.

Calm down, I'm fine.
I don't feel like talking that's all.

YOLANDA MACÍAS - A

There is a man in Spain who does it all

There is a man who does it all in Spain

Translates articles
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There is a man who does it all in Spain

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He is a cashier at Ikea
and is a lieutenant colonel

There is a man in Spain who does it all

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and answers the surveys

He's the as*h*le
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