02x06 - g*y Pride!

[bunniefuu]

It's June, and you know what that means: Happy Pride Month!

Yas, queen!

Good news, gays; your stock is going up!

Vroom vroom, are you gagging, Thotianas?

q*eer icons like me, Cher, and Doritos are teaming up to say

"Work it, girlies!"

It's giving "Trademarked."

It's giving "Taste you can see."

It's giving "When you're here, you're family."

It's giving "Bada ba
-ba
-ba, I'm bottoming."

It's giving "Whip," it's giving "Nae Nae,"

it's giving "What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?"

It's giving g*y pride!

[slurps]

[sighs] Ah!

The Pride episode will be like the best of Rainbow Capitalism,

a whisper of solidarity
-
- for a limited time only.

McRib realness!

We've seen it time and again; with widespread cultural

acceptance, capitalist interest is never far behind.

[man VO] From rainbow shirts, to rainbow shoes,

to rainbow bottles of mouthwash.

[Ziwe VO] Over the last decade, Pride has become so corporate,

even I'm doing a show about it.

Is Capitalism q*eer now?

You tell me.

As an ally, I'll believe anything you say.

exciting music

Tonight, I'll be talking with corporate
-endorsed drag queen

Katya Zamolodchikova.

Please wash your a*s.

[Ziwe VO] And the straight actor who played a g*y man on TV

for years...

Adam Pally.

What did you bring to the character that a g*y person

couldn't have?

Nothing.

One, two...

[Ziwe VO] And I learn vogue from someone who's ballroom

royalty, and also, my on
-set costumer,

Ricky Allure.

Hit it!

Okay, I think we got it!

And this episode will cl*max in a groundbreaking g*y moment.

Once the countdown clock hits zero,

we will change televised g*y kiss history forever!

'Ziwe' starts now!

upbeat club music

cool theme music

You may know her from 'RuPaul's Drag Race,'

or her hit YouTube series, 'UNHhh.'

Please welcome Katya Zamolodchikova!

Whoo!

[laughs]

Wow!

The fans are screaming!

Hello!

[kisses]

[speaking Russian]

[speaking Russian]


-That's all I got.
-Okay. [laughs]

So this episode is about g*y pride and Capitalism and

corporate sponsorships
-
-

Okay.

So naturally, I wanna know: would you take sponsors from the

arms dealers?

Raytheon.


-You would?
-Lockheed Martin.

I mean, to camera. Hey, honey.

Hi, I'm available.

If you're gonna go there, you might as well go hard and big.

My goal is to get sponsored by Halliburton.


-That's a good goal.
-Thank you!

triumphant music

Who do you think is more toxic: the fandoms of 'RuPaul's Drag

Race' or the fandom of the New England Patriots?

[laughs]

[laughing] Oh, that's
-
- 'RuPaul's Drag Race.'

Are you kidding me?

Mama!

Sweetie, listen!

Kathryn Bigelow wouldn't have had to make 'Zero Dark Thirty'

if the fans of 'RuPaul's Drag Race' had been in the mix,

you know, years ago.

They are sleuthing...


-Yes.
-They are scheming
-
-


-Yes.
-They are plotting
-
-


-Wow!
-And they are tearing sh*t down.


-[Ziwe] Wow!
-[Katya] For real.

You're terrified of that fandom.

I am terrified of them, and I'm also sort of in awe of them.

I mean, they love you.

Yeah, I'm lucky. They say I was robbed.

I see you as a victim in the way that I would see,

like, George Washington as a victim of Britain.

Do you know what I'm saying?

Victims with institutional power.

And also, we both had wooden teeth.

So they lied about the teeth being wooden.

The teeth were actually extracted from sl*ves.

triumphant music

Was the cherry tree fake too?

The cherry tree?

Who cares?!

Good point.

Describe a typical g*y person.

Long, tall, about ', '...

not a lot of interests, and just super flexible.

[Ziwe] Got it.

Can I ask you a personal question?


-Yes.
-Are you g*y?

Am I g*y?

tense music

Say no more.

Tune in after the break.

[Ziwe VO] Next on 'Ziwe.'..

Long, short, curly, straight, soakin' up all kinds of liquids.

jaunty music

[ding]

[ding]

jaunty music

Was removing the stilettos from the green M&M an act of radical

q*eer visibility?

[whispering] I have no idea what you're talking about.

Okay, so the green M&M is g*y now,

and is [beep]
-slash
-dating the brown M&M.

[Katya] Are you f*ck' with me?

[Ziwe] Dead
-a*s!

[laughs]

Dead
-a*s!


-Dead
-a*s what?!
-These M&Ms is [beep]!

These M&Ms is [beep]!

The M&Ms are [beep]?

They are having g*y h*m* sex!

How is that possible?

How is an M&M ready for a**l sex?

It's just an empty shell!

That booty taste like chocolate.

[Katya] That's true.

[laughing] That's disgusting.

I hate it.

Okay, can I tell you something that's
-
-

What? Let's be honest.

Okay.

Um, when I was
-
-


-[Ziwe] Mm.
-I had sex with a Black man...

Okay, okay, [chuckling] where are we going?


-Continue.
-[Katya] Okay.

Um, and he made a comment about his
-
- his p*nis
-
-


-[Ziwe] Yes.
-Tasting like chocolate.

And I was so confused...

after having tasted it...

That it didn't taste like chocolate?


-[Katya] Yeah.
-Wow.

Would you like to apologize for sharing that anecdote in public?

Um...

I would like to offer my sincerest apology for having

shared that anecdote in public.

Not only was it crass, vulgar, and completely r*cist,

it was completely inappropriate, and I hope that I haven't,

um, sullied the waters of this fine television program,

because I'm so grateful to be here and I hope that you all

have a great day.

How many Black chocolate penises have you tasted?


-Over a dozen.
-A dozen.

to be exact?

A Baker's Dozen, maybe.


-?
-Yeah, could be.

big Black [beep]?

They're not all big; that was another misconception.

Oh my gosh!

[Katya] So...

Would you like to apologize to the BBC?

I would also love to apologize to the BBC World Service for

stating that, um...

Wait, the B...

Oh!

Oh.

Now, you once said, "When I think about a straight man,

I think about a dirty a*s."

In your opinion, what is making the a*s so dirty?

[sighs] So there was this man, and he did one of the most

erotic things I've ever had done to me.

He said, "Look what you did to me?"

And he put my hand on his crotch,

and it was a huge, huge you
-know
-what.

And then, we got into the bed, and he went a*s
-up,

and as I approached, it was
-
- [sniffs]

tense music

It
-
- it was so, um...

It was almost evil, that scent, you know what I mean?

Pungent.

It was pungent, it was acrid, it was, um...

it was like the scent of true evil,

and so I just
-
- I went to town with a few baby wipes,

but that didn't even scratch the surface.

I don't know what is going on with straight men's a*s,

but it's just not
-
- it's not something that's edible.


-It's not something that's
-
-
-Wow!

Public service announcement: I guess,

straight men, you gotta
-
-

Yeah, please wash your a*s, um, and shave it,

and then wash it a little bit more,

and then powder it.

I get it.

Yeah, it makes me not wanna be g*y.

Straight men's asses?


-There's Giardia in it.
-[laughing] Ew!


-Giardia.
-[Ziwe] Ew!

I always thought that was, like, Erika Jayne's husband's name.

What's the difference?


-[Ziwe] Hm.
-What's the difference?

Hillary Duff once said, famously:

[Lizzie McGuire VO] "When you say 'That's so g*y,'

do you realize what you say?"

How does this example of corporate allyship make

you feel?

Well, I hope it brings back the word [beep].

Wow.

You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

No, I don't!

Like, I literally don't know what you mean.

Well, you think if you say, "That's so g*y,"

I'm like, "Yeah, girl, he's being a [beep]."

I think we disagree.

Ay caramba.

Choose your fighter: t*ts, a*s, or wig?

Oh, wig!


-Wig.
-Wig!


-Wig?
-Wig!


-Wig?
-Wig!


-Wig.
-Wig.


-Wig.
-Wig.


-Wig.
-Why wig?

Why not wig?

Long, short, curly, straight,

soakin' up all kinds of liquids,

dry, shiny, matte, there's so
-
- I mean, you know...

Wow, the just described my [beep].

Interesting.

Are you g*y?

Am I g*y?

tense music

Find out after this break.

[Ziwe VO] Next on 'Ziwe.'..

Sometimes ba*ls first.

How do you get it out?

[sighing] Pfft.

jaunty music

[Sam VO] We've scoured the nation,

combed through thousands of contestants,

and this June, three lucky hopefuls I found off the street

will compete for the ultimate role: me,

Ziwe's virtually
-unknown g*y comedy writer, Sam Taggart.

[Sam] Hello, contestants.

I was supposed to be in the Pride episode,

but I didn't read "g*y" enough on screen for Showtime's

test audience.

Now, all of you are so deeply talented,

and you're so deeply g*y
-seeming,

but are you the right kind of g*y
-seeming?

We're about to find out.

We're looking for someone who reads "culturally g*y" and

"sexually neutered."

Now, this competition's gonna push you in ways that I don't

know if you're ready for.

You are making jokes about iced coffee;

that's huge.

You're making top or bottom jokes.

That's some of the hardest stuff you can possibly do!

Just make sure it's g*y, and make sure it's comedy writing.

Having a mustache is so important to playing me.

dramatic music

You were supposed to shave your beard before

coming to set today.

I'll let it slide this once, but that's strike one.

And you get two strikes to be out in this game,

because this isn't just a game...

this is real life.

[Sam VO] Nuance is for lesbians.

These gays will need to shine.

Let's see what you got!

Oh, no.

Too g*y for Omaha and not g*y enough for New York.

[Sam VO] There will be eliminations.

I'll see ya in the community theater!

Bye!

Oh my God!

I'm sorry, is it football night at Beer Academy?!

You're eliminated!

[Sam VO] There will be heartbreak.

I'm just gonna say "eliminated!"

You're out!

Byeee!

[Sam VO] And yes, there will be stress eating.

emotional folksy music

Does the perfect on
-screen g*y even exist?

[man] Hi.

[Sam VO] Find out on the next 'Sam Taggart.'

jaunty music

It's our job to give voices to those who have been silenced,

like people from the past
-
- they were silenced because they

didn't have a Twitter account.

So we're going to raise historical figures up by playing

a game called "Historical Tops or Bottom?"

Do you want to let silenced voices be heard?


-Yeah.
-Fantastic!

The rules are simple: I'll show you a picture of a figure from

history, and you'll tell me if they were a top or a bottom.

game show music

Great. Amelia Earhart.

I'm gonna say she's a top.

Why do you think she's a top?

Because she wants to go where nobody else has gone before.

Wow.

And stayed there.

Eleanor Roosevelt.

Was she a piss pig or a pit pig?

She is a piss pig; look at the bib!

[laughs]

And she's ready to just gulp down piss!

[Ziwe] Wow. Oh my gosh!

[piss streaming, slurping]


-Okay, next!
-[laughs]

Does Betsy Ross eat a*s?


-Yes.
-[Ziwe] Mm.

She puts the flag right between her mouth and the a*s and just

goes, "Unhh."

Like a patriotic glory hole.

[Katya] Yes. She's a [beep] freak.

Are you
-
-

What would you say about me?

I would say that you're a ball
-busting,

um, diva who likes to work it, hunty.

"Ball
-busting diva who likes to work it, hunty."


-[Katya] Mm
-hm.
-What does that mean sexually?

What position is that?

Uh...

[Ziwe] Okay!

George Washington Carver
-
- do you think he was a demon twink?

I don't know what that means.


-A demon twink?!
-[Katya] Mm.

It's someone who's on a ferry that goes around New York City

and throws drinks at the DJ.

This is not a trap.

I
-
- I don't think
-
- I don't think he was.

This is not a trap. No, say it!

No, I think George Washington Carver was a nice man.

With
-
- with a big future.


-How big?
-Huge.


-[Ziwe] Eight inches?
-Down to the knee.

You sick
-
- that's all you think about Black men is their big
-
-


-No, I just
-
-
-Black [beep].

His c*ck did not taste like chocolate.

[Ziwe] Ay yai yai.

What did it taste like, peanut butter?

No, like a human being!

Because he was a human being.

tense music

I've got your number, hussy.

I've got your number, h*.



[chimes]

Katya...

I'm now going to hold space for you to express the multitudes of

your personalities.


-Thank God.
-[Ziwe] Yeah.

This is going to be a lip sync battle for the culture.

In the words of David Guetta...

The world is going through difficult times.

Hit it!

I have a dream that
-
-

[beep]

I am so sorry.

That was horrible.

And that's Pride!

upbeat electronic music

jaunty music

g*y: the most beautiful word in the English language,

and if you disagree, you're part of the problem!

jaunty music

[school bell rings]

"q*eer Bait" by Ziwe

[school bell rings]

jaunty music

Next, I'll be speaking with a very dear friend of the show.

You may know him as the straight man who has taken away g*y roles

from g*y people.


-What?
-Please welcome America's...

Adam Pally!

[softly] I don't know if that's how people know me.

You're our first ever repeat offender
-
- returning guest
-
-

"Offender?" I
-
- that's not
-
- [laughs]

After your iconic interview in the season finale.

Explain...how we got here.

Am I pulling it off a little?

So my first question for you is: Can you tell us a little bit

about yourself?

Would you like to apologize to any marginalized communities?

Just
-
- just saw that, and so I'm guessing that one of the

things that you
-
- you're
-
- 'cause I was on a show called

'Happy Endings,' and I played a g*y character,

but I, myself, am not g*y and
-
-

dramatic music

So I think what you're saying is,

like, is that
-
- is that oka
-
- is
-
- do I
-
- do I feel a

certain
-
- when
-
- at the time, the...

What was the question?

Would you like to apologize to any marginalized communities?

[whispering] Yes.

Maybe, instead of apologizing, you should say "You're welcome."

Can I say "Thank you" to the g*y community?

Yes.

Thank you to the, uh, g*y community.

For?

Being so...chill.

About?

About 'Happy Endings.'

No? Is that okay?

I cannot
-
-

You don't have it?

Approve of anything you do.

Now, speaking of you taking up space,

why have you stolen this interview opportunity from

a g*y person?

Feels like déjà vu.

The invitation didn't say "You're invited to

take up space."

Any time you go somewhere, you're taking up space,

but you don't realize that because of the privilege that

you wield.

You're right.

In the end, would you say that you're thankful for the sort of,

like, white supremacist, patriarchal hegemony that allows

someone like you to have a break via that character?

[whispering] What is a "hegemony?"

Are you proud of this?

I don't
-
- I don't know how to f
-
- I don't know how to feel

about it.

You don't know how to feel about what?

About
-
- about that character.


-[Ziwe] Mm.
-And about playing him.

To be totally serious, like, I've gotten such amazing,

like, messages and
-
- and formed relationships with people
-
-

Wow.

For that, like
-
- hadn't seen something like that and,

like, really liked it.

Now, looking back at it, some parts of it do feel...

tone deaf.

Mm!

And so I
-
- I don't know how to feel about it because,

much like life, like, it's everything.

But here's the thing: you get to be a brave straight man
-
-


-Right.
-Paving the way
-
-

[Adam] Right.

For all of the other people who are just like you.

I don't think that's how it's looked at.

And I think that that's so beautiful!

I don't know how to respond to that.

[Ziwe VO] Next on 'Ziwe.'..

A hate crime has been committed here today on the
-
- against me!

What is going on?

[chimes]

[Sam VO] Previously on the trailer for 'The Next

Sam Taggart.'

g*y. g*y
-
- g*y
-
- g*y
-
- g*y
-
- g*y!

What about "g*y" don't you understand?!

You're eliminated!

You're out!

Bye!

Oh my God!

I guess the perfect g*y just doesn't exist!

Hi.

Sorry I'm late, I got on the wrong train and it took me

literally two weeks to get here.

Did I miss it?

Can I still audition for the g*y
-seeming comedy writer?

You know what? Fine.

[exhales deeply]

mellow ambient music

Stop!

I'm sorry, did I do something wrong?

[chuckles] No, you were perfect.

In fact...

congratulations, you're exactly what Showtime is looking for.

I
-
- I booked it?!

You booked the gig, darling!

[chuckles] Oh my God, I have to call my mom,

I have to call my husband, I...

Wait, um...

actually, I need to say something.

Before, when I was reading as you
-
-

but gayer
-
- I had to get pretty deep into the psyche of

virtually
-unknown g*y comedy writer Sam Taggart.

And...

I think I fell in love with the person I became.

What are you saying to me?

I can't play you when I love you.

I won't let you throw away your big shot!

Watch me!

[heavy breathing]

dramatic opera music

Eliminated.

You let your real sexuality get in the way

of your perceived sexuality.

This is why they never let two g*y people be on the same show:

because they know...

[whispering] we'll fall in love.

You know, if you're g*y, you probably shouldn't be drinking

so much apple juice.

It has a lot of sugar.

'Kay, why is that a g*y thing?

It's just apple juice.

Can't be that much sugar.

[Sam VO] Only on Showtime.

jaunty music

Okay, if a business doesn't have their Pride flag in its

window, do you still shop?

No.

Really?

tense ambient music

Yup.

What is your favorite corporation?



The, um...

ASPCA?

[whispering] Nah...

Is your bank a proud bank?


-[Adam] My bank?
-[Ziwe] Yeah.

Why are we talking about my bank?

Well, 'cause it's like banks sponsor Pride, so
-
-

If you think I have anything to do with the banks...

It was a simple question.


-Well, I don't
-
- well
-
-
-No, let's move on!

No, let's talk about money!

Let's talk about the banks.

What else do you wanna do, you wanna talk about Hollywood?

[man VO] Straighted!

You wanna talk about the weather machine that

I know about?

The weather machine?

Yeah, of course, we control the weather.

Why do you think it's so cold?

Because it's winter.

Uh
-uh!

'Cause the Jews are not happy.

Oh my gosh!

[man VO] Straighted!

Lemme see those cards!

Here, take the cards!

Okay, let's see what else Ziwe wanted to ask me?

"Are you, Paul Rudd, and Ben Schwartz related?"

[man VO] Straighted!

I'm gonna take this away from you.

Why would we be related?!

Now, you're just [beep]ing up my other
-
-

Why would we be related?

Why would we be related, Ziwe?!

You're lucky this dress makes me immobile!

Well, then, that's makes two of us,

'cause I can't move in my suit.


-Here.
-[Ziwe] Thanks.


-You can have these back.
-Thanks.

Just like the lender that I am.

[light crew laughter]

This guy is wild!

Okay, what's one good last question?

Oh, what does Stonewall mean to you?

Yeah, okay, I think you got enough currency to get

back there.

What does it mean to me?

It means a buncha rocks in Northern England.

Oh, is that
-
- Camera A, you wanna correct me?

"Stonehenge!"

[toilet flush]

Did someone just go to the bathroom?

[laughs]

jaunty music

When this episode came out to me,

I looked it straight in the eyes and said,

"You're my TV show, you're g*y, and I love you."

jaunty music

[Ziwe VO] Approximately three days ago,

I learned that my on
-set costumer Ricky Allure is

actually considered royalty among the ballroom community.

upbeat pop music

How does
-
- how did someone like you become a Motha?

It's a presence thing with me.

Like, it's like, "Oh my God, Ricky Allure is here!"

No bone in this fillet, boo!

It's a different kind of steak!

[Ziwe VO] If you don't know, ballroom is a subculture by and

for q*eer people of color where dancers compete in ba*ls.

Do I regret making Ricky Allure hold my old slippers?

Yes.

You never knew I was royalty.

I should've known you were royalty because you come into

work with, um, head
-to
-toe Margiela.

[Ziwe VO] That was then, and this is now.

I am an ally, and allies are here to listen and here

to learn. Teach me, Ricky Allure.

This is a lot of work.



And, okay...dip!

[laughs]

Oh my God, look at you!

That's it?

Usually, when people show up for,

like, a vogue thing, like, I was worried that you didn't

have anything!

You're, like
-
- you got a couple
-
-

How are you so surprised at my good dancing?

I'm a music pop star.

Well, you know, it's about femininity,

so, like, ehh.

dramatic music

We're gonna do some lessons because you're rude
-
-

And you're hurting my feelings.



Motha.

How many death drops can you do in a day?

So, there's no such thing as a "death drop."

It's called a "dip."


-A "dip."
-[Ricky] It's a dip.



It's, like, dramatic, where they do the little,

like, shh, boom.

But then, it's, like, soft and cut
-
-

[Ziwe] Can you do that?

Ehh, ehh.

The budget was small.



So the best moves, I would say, is your catwalk.

Yes.

With a good catwalk, you can sit any b*tch.


-Yes.
-Like, anything.

So I just have to walk in the club.


-[Ricky] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-And I'm just, like, me.

Lemme see your hot walk.

This is me!

Any walk that I do is hot because I'm very attractive.

That was a little Birkenstock;

let me see a little something hotter.

So if I'm doing it
-
-


-Play the song.
-[Ricky] Lemme get that music.

[Ziwe] Oh my God!

"q*eer Bait" by Ziwe

Wow.

upbeat pop music

Hands is another really important thing
-
-


-Yes.
-When you're voguing.

One goes on the top at the bottom
-
-

So let's throw in some femininity.

Okay, like, ooh...

Mm...


-Oh, ow!
-Ooh, yeah.

dramatic music

[slow
-mo] Ow!


-Sorry!
-Don't worry about it!


-Ah!
-Invoices will come later.


-Oh my God.
-So...



[Ricky] "The dip!"

Yeah, oh, "the dip," sorry, sorry!


-The dip, the dip, the dip!
-Sorry!


-I tried my best!
-Ally!

Am I being a bad ally or a good ally?

dramatic music

[chuckling] You're not being an ally
-
-

Wow!

upbeat pop music

So one, two, three, four, five, six,

seven, eight.

One, two, three, four, five, six...

[Ricky] Where's it at? Where's it at?

Where's it at?! Boom!


-That was it!
-Really?

[Ricky] That was it!


-You just did it.
-[Ziwe] You're lying!

[Ricky] [chuckling] You just did it.

You're a [beep] liar.



Wow!

And you turn things into vogue!

So that's what would've happened if we were on the floor;

you would've tried to sabotage me like,

you know, you've been doing for the month...

[chuckling] as I've been dressing you.

And then, I take that energy, completely flip it into a

positive situation, lay out, and everybody's happy.

[kiss]

That's how it works.

[chuckling] Wow.

jaunty music

In solidarity with Pride, I wanna take this time to share

something I'm proud of: my tight, tight a*s.

Mm.

g*y!

jaunty music

We are just seconds away from our big finale...

big g*y Pride kiss.

Writers?!

Get in formation.

Yeah!

[cheering and upbeat music]

GLAAD Awards, here we come.

Wait, this feels h*m*.

I don't agree.

This will be the first
-ever documented big g*y Pride kiss.

And I know what you're thinking: "Ehh,

a kiss is typically seen between two g*y men or two l*sbian

women, but no, this is going to be one sloppy kiss
-
- beautiful,

bountiful
-
- between a l*sbian woman and a g*y man.

Yeah!

Wait, n
-
- no.

I'm sorry, not to gate
-keep, but is that still even g*y?

Brought to you by Showtime, the same network that brought you

'The L Word' and 'The L Word: Generation Q.'

Let's count.

[all] ...

nine...

eight...

seven...

six...

five...

Slower for sexual tension.

[all] Four...

three...

two...

one!

triumphant music

[cheering]

[dramatic tone]

serious orchestral music

[man VO] The following is a conversation between Ziwe and

her complicit writers.

Well, well...

well, well...

well.

Sam can't even look at me.

In fact, Ike, you specifically wrote the words "Then,

after they kiss...

I pull out a whip, crack it in the air,

and shout, 'More!

More g*y!

More g*y now!'

This was a placeholder.

That was a place
-
- those were placeholders.

And to be clear, why would I want to whip the q*eer members

of our...

staff?

I
-
- I have no idea.

I wouldn't want that.

You don't want to, your character wants to whip people.

Uh, I think the
-
- the whipping was also a placeholder...

to be replaced later.

What made you guys think this was okay?

I think it's great; I think it starts a conversation.

What conversation?

Well, I don't think good art should comfort people,

I think it should shake people awake,

or whip them.

I just have to say, though, as uncomfortable as that made us,

like, you did a great job.

Like, acting and, like
-
-

Michelle, thank you, but you don't have to kiss
-up.

I
-
- I'm just stating facts.

dramatic music

These ideas were run by Sam, they were run by Ike,

they were run by Michelle.

[scoffs]

Why
-
- why do you have to run them by me?

Like...

You're one of the writers, so we all
-
-

The g*y one?

Wow.

[all] Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

I don't know, I mean, the whole thing,

it's kind of weird, right?

Like...

like, you're...

straight?

tense music

I don't talk about my sexuality in public.

g*y sex, g*y sex, g*y
-
-

Weird that you can't be open about who you are on

a Pride episode.


-Wow!
-Wow!

[Ziwe] Wow! Wow!

Just weird; it's kinda the whole point.

A white man coming for my identity;

can you believe it?

[Michelle] Yeah, exactly!

I think Sam has made a point, uh,

whiteness notwithstanding.

Sam, I'd like to thank you for starting a tough discourse

around race and sexuality.

Now, you're twisting it and making me on your side.

This is so messed up!

[Ronald] This is what we're doing;

this is what we're doing on this show.

[chuckling] No, I'm not
-
- no.

I mean, this has been problematic,

so there's only one way to resolve this tension.

I just think you guys should kiss and make up.

I don't know if that would help.

This is the first thing that you've said that I agree with.

I don't wanna hear you guys talk anymore,

I just wanna see lips flappin' and mwah,

mwah, mwah, kisses.

Uh, this is
-
- this is
-
- this is
-
-

[Ziwe VO] This has been 'Inside the Writers Studio.'

[chime]

upbeat techno music

[chimes]

I know how to give myself an orgasm without touching myself.

Without touching yourself?

Well, I have to put something up my a*s.

[Ziwe] That's not the same as not touching yourself.

I think so!


-Okay.
-[Katya] I think it is.

[Ziwe] Okay.

'Cause we just boop, and then, oop.

It's like a
-
- it's like this.

[sighs]

And you have the get the breath involved, like...

[exhaling deeply]

And you get that little g
-
- that gasp
-
- that kind of,

like, raspy gaspy.

[gaspy gasping]

And then it's
-
- it's like a dribble;

it's not like a fountain, but it happens.

Oh, it's a dit
-dit?

Yeah, but it
-
- but, you know...