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01x05 - Ex Nihilo

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "The Iris Affair". Aired: 16 October 2025 – present.*
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British thriller television series.

01x05 - Ex Nihilo

Post by bunniefuu »

The following programme contains

strong language.

Er, you're free to come

and go as you please.

Green for go, red for no.

That kind of thing.

There is, er, rather,

an issue with the shareholders.

Money. Mr Pym, I'm on top of it.

I have leverage.

I'll be there in the morning.

(GRUNTS)(GROANS)

Naloxone. Disease and cure, eh?

(SPEAKS ITALIAN):

-This is real?

-Meet me in Rome and I will tell you everything.

"Am I speaking with Alfie Bird?"

If you're ever in London,

feel free to drop by

and I will show you my files.

(ALARM BLARES) It's kind of a

diary. I've hidden it here, in Rome.

You have out done yourself,

my friend.

Mr Bird? Do you have a place

to stay? Can you take me there?

Your diary is a puzzle.

You haven't finished decoding it yet?

'One more code to crack.

Five more pages to read.'

'I need you to find a man

called Jensen.

I need you to get some of his DNA

for me.'

(PEOPLE CHATTER)

(MUSIC PLAYS FAINTLY VIA SPEAKERS)

Etta! Ah.

Thanks for coming!

Well, you're looking well, Alfie!

Oh, thank you.

(CHUCKLES)

(SIGHS) So,

how's the novel coming along?

Good! Finished it?

Almost.

I've been thinking if I shouldn't

maybe rework it a little bit.

Make it more of a young adult

sort of thing.

Makes sense.

There's a big market there.

It's where the money is.

Good on you.

I've also been thinking, maybe

I could move into ghost writing.

You know, celebrity biographies,

sportsmen, pop stars, whatnot.

I mean I wrote enough

profiles back in the day.

T-They were good profiles.

(CHUCKLES)

It was the good profiles

that got you in trouble.

Because, strictly speaking,

not all the good bits were yours.

I've gotta move past that, Etta.

I've got to.

So I've been thinking, yeah,

what about this?

I write a mea culpa.

Alfie-No. No. No. Honestly.

I own it. I was under pressure.

I took short cuts

You plagiarised, and you lied.

I amplified.

Cos I was turning in four stories

a day,

I didn't have time to check every

single molecule of fact.

Or write all your own words.

Four stories a day, Etta.

Do you think things have got better

since you left?

It's a dying industry.

Except all I've ever wanted to do

was be a journalist.

OK. Listen.

So I've actually got a story.

(SIGHS) An actual, actual story.

Oh, come on, Alfie.

Seriously. OK.

(INHALES SHARPLY)

So there's this thing. Nine Horses.

(BREATHES SHAKILY)

It's like solving an online mystery.

A puzzle.

Like the Crystal Maze.

But But real.

And massive. But, erm

semi-secret.

Like, counter cultural woo-woo.

And it is f*cking awesome.

Best will in the world.

-So what?

-A lot of people think it's a recruitment tool.

For? KGB. CIA.

Maybe some kind erm

Masonic-type conspiracy thing.

What people?

What, "what people" what?

What people think this?

Internet people.

It's rancid bollocks like this

that k*lled newspapers in the first

place, you do know that?

There's something in this, Etta.

A woman is missing.

OK.

What woman? Iris something.

And she's missing

under what circumstances?

She solved it! Nine Horses.

And? Disappeared.

When? - - At some point.

-Where? - Is she?

Did she disappear from? Unclear.

So what's the story? What - happened to her and why?

-That's it!

Don't you see it?

Who basically even knows?

Seriously, Alfie. You're a good egg.

But if you just wanna farm clicks

and call it journalism,

go ahead, do it.

Live long and prosper.

And when you're rich,

because of your clicks,

and you prove that whatshername

was m*rder*d by the Vatican

because she's carrying

Bill Gates' antichrist love child,

you can drive past my hovel

in your Aston Martin,

throw money from the windows

and laugh at where

my journalistic integrity got me.

But what you don't get is

a job on any newspaperlwork on.

Not ever again.

Not if I've got a say in the matter.

I'm Alfie Bird.

(SIGHS)

I'm Alfie. Alfie Bird.

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

(BREATHES SHAKILY)

This is Five Minutes to Midnight.

sh*t. (SNIFFLES)

This is Five Seconds to Midnight.

(GROANS)

Come on, Alfie.

(EXHALES SHARPLY) Blugh!

My name is Alfie Bird.

This is Two Seconds to Midnight.

SIOUXSIE: Here Comes That Day ♪

Oh, here comes that day

Here comes that day

Oh, here comes the rain

on your parade

There's a price to pay

For a life of insincerity

And you pretend

that it doesn't matter

And that you're not scared

Oh, here comes that day

Here comes that day

Oh, here comes that rain

on your parade ♪

Alfie Alfie, if you can

still hear me, tug your earlobe.

OK, listen. I know you're scared.

(VIA EARPIECE):

Just trust me, I need that book.

Look I don't care

what I have to do to get it back.

Alfie, if you understand me,

just give me a signal. Any signal.

Anything.

Do not take that book!

(SIGHS)

(TYRES SCREECH)

(SPEAKS ITALIAN):

Alfie, don't make me do this.

f*ck.

(ANGRILY SPEAKS ITALIAN)

(BYSTANDER EXCLAIMS IN ITALIAN)

Here, we're We're nearly there.

(HORN HONKING)

(HORNS HONKING)

(PHONE CLICKS)

GUE: Business ♪

(MOBILE BUZZES AND CHIMES)

(MUSIC CONTINUES ON SPEAKER)

(LINE RINGING)

(PILLS RATTLE)

(PEOPLE CHATTER)

(MUSIC PLAYS FAINTLY ON SPEAKER)

("Addo Staje by J Lord

PLAYS VIA SPEAKERS NEARBY)

ALLEGRI: Miserere Mei, Deus ♪

(MUSIC CONTINUES ON SPEAKERS)

(EXHALES SHARPLY)

(METALLIC CLUNK)

(SIGHS)

(COMB CLATTERS) (SIGHS)

(WATER RUNNING)

(MUSIC CONTINUES FAINTLY NEARBY)

(SIGHS)

(ELECTRICITY HUMS)

(SYSTEM BEEPING AND CLICKS)

(LIFT DOORS CLOSE)

(LIFT DOORS OPEN)

(SYSTEM BEEPING AND CHIMES)

(SYSTEM BEEPING AND BUZZES)

(SYSTEM BEEPING AND BUZZES)

(SYSTEM BEEPING AND CHIMES)

(LOCK ENGAGES)

(SYSTEM BEEPING AND CHIMES)

(LOCK ENGAGES)

Sorry.

Just planning my escape.

It was a joke! I was joking!

OK. But they don't know that.

They're not great at detecting

sarcasm.

OK? Who the m*rder drones or

Meski. How's your nose for sarcasm?

-Very poor.

-Would you mind explaining that to Joy for me?

Not at all. Joy,

my nose for sarcasm is very poor.

God, that must be awful(!)

Not really. I'm fine with it.

OK. So,

I know you weren't trying to escape.

But just for the sake of argument,

say you were-

Yeah. But I wasn't.

Yes, I know! But say you where,

you really, really can't.

OK? Really, really. Please.

Duh.

Good! Excellent.

Just be careful with the antiphrasis.

You don't seem yourself today.

(SCOFFS) How would you know?

Well, because I think

I know you well enough to know.

Has she called yet?

About swapping me for the diary?

Not yet, no.

I think I might actually be a bit

scared that she won't call.

She'll call.

Except you said that she wouldn't.

Yeah, and then you said she would.

What if I was wrong?

Well I don't think you were.

I thought you made

a very convincing case.

Yeah, because he said he'd

cut my hand off.

What? Who said Who said what?

That prick that called yesterday.

Oh, my God, Joy! What are you? A bat?

Er, OK, look.

That was completely, erm

He He was just saying that

to scare me. OK?

Fair play. Seemed to work.

f*ck yes! But only for a minute, OK?

Joy, nobody is going to be cutting

anybody's hand off,

alright?

Cross my heart and hope to die.

Turn around, touch the ground.

What?

Turn around and touch the ground.

Why?

(CHUCKLES) Oh, you're being sarcastic - now? Is this an irony?

-No.

I'm really confused.

-What does that mean?

-It's in folklore or something, isn't it?

It's a playground thing when you

(SIGHS)

None of this means anything to you,

does it?

How could it?

Nobody tells me anything.

What?

OK.

Do you get vertigo?

No. Why?

(CLICKS TONGUE) Cos he gives people

vertigo sometimes.

Can you play Minecraft on it?

What is it with your generation

and sincerity?

Don't know. (SNIFFLES)

She was frightened too.

Who was? Miss Brook. Iris.

She said we called him Charlie

to diminish him.

Because he frightened us.

She was probably right,

right?

Well, I don't know about frightened.

I know he makes me feel odd.

In a Clarke's Third Law sort of way.

I don't know what that means.

"Any sufficiently advanced technology

is indistinguishable from magic."

We don't even know the extent of it.

Not yet.

We know he can simulate

molecular structures

and reactions with staggering speed

and accuracy.

He could cure cancer tomorrow.

Cure dementia.

Cure everything.

Could mitigate climate change.

Maybe even end it.

He could let us

peel back the surface of the world

and see what's underneath.

But he

It

It's asleep, right? Yes

And you can't wake it up.

Not without the password.

Which is what you needed - from Miss Brook.

-That's right.

Iris.

What is she so afraid of?

Nothing.

Phantasms. Hobgoblins.

A mad man's delusions.

What, that the bloke in the attic?

Beardy one and whatnot?

Yeah. That bloke, Jensen.

I saw him.

Oh, yeah.

Through the window this morning.

When I wasn't escaping. OK.

Can I meet him?

Why would you wanna do that?

He made Charlie Baked Potatoes.

Why wouldn't I?

Big Potatoes. Exactly.

Well, I wish you could meet him.

I really do.

Least, I wish you could meet the man

that he used to be.

But what he is now

What's left of him

Well what's left of him

is very, very dangerous.

So no, you can't meet him.

What happened to him?

(INHALES SHARPLY)

All he did was think.

And madness

is thinking past the point

where thinking starts to hurt.

(VEHICLE HORNS HONKING)

OK, here it is.

This won't take long.

(LOCK CLICKS)

(TYRES SCREECH) (HORN BLARES)

(DRIVER SHOUTS IN ITALIAN)

(PHONE CLICKS)

(MOPED ENGINE REVS)

(BUTTONS BEEPING)

(MOPED ENGINE STOPS)

(METALLIC CLACK)

(ITALIAN MUSIC PLAYS VIA SPEAKER)

(GROANING)

(GROANS)

(BREATHES HEAVILY) (GROANS)

(BREATHES HEAVILY)

(MUFFLED GROANING)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(GROANING)

(HUSHED): f*cking sh*t!

Who's coming? (LOCK CLICKS)

(COUPLE CHATTERS)

(MOBILE RINGS AND BUZZES)

(LOCK CLICKS) (DOOR OPENS)

This is it.

(KEYS JANGLE)

(DOOR CLOSES)

(FLOOR SQUEAKS) (SWITCHES CLICK)

Well, here we are.

Can I get you a coffee?

No, thank you.

Oh, please Ah. Sorry.

Not Cindy.

She's very expensive. (CHUCKLES)

Of course. Sorry.

This is a nice place.

Well, when in Rome. (CHUCKLES)

I'm in Rome. I have a room

at the Ibis. Cops' salary.

Would you like to sit down?

Make yourself at home.

Yes. Thank you.

So! What brings you to Rome?

Fizzy water?

I'm good, thank you.

There's a mini bar! Really.

Ah, if you're sure.

(INHALES SHARPLY) (WHISPERS): f*ck,

f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck!

(SIGHS)

Where are you, Alfie?

Where are you?

Where are you, where are you,

where are you?

Fifth floor.

Fifth.

(SIGHS)

(LIFT WHIRRS)

(BREATHES HEAVILY)

So, is this your first time in Rome?

It is!

Are you here alone or

All alone. Sadly.

For work?

No. No, no, no. Just for fun.

Sightseeing, all the rest of it.

The dolce vita.

But all this equipment?

Oh, it's a force of habit, really.

Just in case. (CHUCKLES)

News never sleeps!

I see. (SIGHS) But oh, my days!

Who Who cares about work?

Rome's amazing!

There's so much history.

Do you know, literally on every

corner! Have you seen the Colosseum?

(BELL TOLLS IN DISTANCE)

Of course you have.

-No reason to be nervous.

-I ain't nervous. I'm being English. (LAUGHS)

(DOOR CREAKS)

Alfie.

Have you had many dealings

with the police over the years?

No. No. No.

Er, not really. I'm much

much too boring for that. I mean,

speeding tickets and all that.

And, erm

My-My bike was stolen this one time,

f*ck. (CHUCKLES)

But yeah. That's it, really.

But it's clear to me that you're a

man with emotional intelligence.

Thank you. I hope so.

So I wonder if you could guess

the thing a police officer hates

more than anything else.

Paperwork, maybe? Of course.

Nobody likes paperwork, right?

(EXHALES SHARPLY) But what we

hate is people who k*ll police officers.

Right. Of course.

May I show you something?

Absolutely.

(CLOCK TICKING)

(SIGHS)

This is my good friend, Teo.

This is his wife, Carlotta.

Their little girls.

They're a little bit older now.

-This is last summer. -Oh.

And Teo. Here, he's hiking.

He was m*rder*d by your friend,

Iris Nixon.

(BREATHES SHAKILY)

Well, "friend" isn't really the word

I'd use.

She's more subject matter,

to be fair.

I think he was

It is OK to say "f*cking"?

I think that's probably fine, yeah.

Thank you. My English is not-

It's very good. Better than mine!

Thank you. Well, he was f*cking her.

And now he's dead.

I think maybe

BECAUSE he was f*cking her.

So

what I'm wondering, Alfie, is

why did you tell me

you were in London,

when you were actually in Rome?

Er

I mean, did I say that?

I didn't think I did.

I-I think you probably

sort of assumed.

Oh, perhaps you're right.

Perhaps I was just, um,

hearing what I wanted to hear.

But, um

here you are, right?

In Rome?

With all your equipment?

Arriving on a last-minute ticket?

Staying in a

last-minute, high-end apartment

you can't afford

because all the cheap ones

were already booked?

So why the urgency, Alfie?

One more question for you, OK?

OK.

Can you imagine who police officers

hate as much as people

who m*rder police officers?

Maybe even more?

(BREATHES SHAKILY) No.

We hate people who knowingly

provide assistance

to people

who m*rder police officers.

(BREATHES SHAKILY)

I could get in trouble

for showing you this. But, um

(ZIP OPENS)

I think you should understand

what you're involved with here.

This is Teo.

(GROANS)

And these bits here

they were two detectives

from Rome.

(SIGHS) This over here

that's a face.

(WRETCHES)

(WRETCHES)

(PHOTOS THUD)

She didn't tell you any of this,

did she?

She didn't tell you

she went to Teo for help.

That he woke up that morning

a father to two young girls.

"Ended it as 6'2" of meat on dirt.

Cos that's what she does.

She manipulates good people

decent people, into helping her.

(WRETCHES)

Alfie

I think you're a decent person.

I think you're a good person.

What did she ask you to do?

(MUTTERS): Don't do it, Alfie.

Alfie.

You have to decide

which side you're on here.

And I don't mean

in terms of law and order.

I mean in terms

of your personal safety.

Cos four police men are dead.

And if you choose the wrong side

in a fight like that,

how do you think that ends for you?

(BREATHES SHAKILY)

I want the rights to the story.

Exclusive.

All mine. All of it.

You keep me in the loop.

You don't speak to anyone else.

You're my exclusive source.

Give me everything you have.

Whatever it takes.

She forced me to steal this

from a library.

She's obsessed with this book.

I don't know why.

(GASPS) (GASPS)(GROANS)

(GRUNTS) (EXHALES SHARPLY)

Don't you move!

(BREATHES SHAKILY) Argh.

f*cking Judas!

Is Is she? Oh, my God,

you've k*lled her.

(MOPEDS APPROACH) (MEN SPEAK ITALIAN)

Somebody knows that I'm here.

We need to go now!

I am not a Judas.

Fine. Let's go.

I was playing for time.

OK. Yeah. I knew you'd come.

I-I left the bloody door unlocked!

I am not a Judas.

And bollocks to you

for even saying that.

Bollocks to you. A massive,

fat bag of bollocks. You w*nk*r.

You just literally did someone in,

right in front of my face,

like you were buttering toast. So

why would I ever, ever help you now?

Bollocks to you.

Get some other sap to help you.

Some other pillock who'll waste the

money his nan left him on an Airbnb,

for you to just do someone in.

She's actually

really nice, actually.

Oh (EXHALES SHARPLY)

(VEHICLE APPROACHES)

sh*t!

(KEY CLICKS) (ENGINE SHUTS OFF)

OK. What's happening?

Well,

it turns out I k*lled her too soon.

We need her alive

to get us out of here.

So what are you doing to do?

Un-k*ll her?

It's Naloxone.

They use it to treat overdoses.

(SYRINGE CLATTERS)

(WHISPERS): Come on, come on,

come on.(ENGINE REVS)

(VEHICLE APPROACHES)

("Miserere mei, Deus" by Allegri

PLAYS IN ROOM)

(MUSIC BROADCAST VIA SPEAKERS)

(MUSIC STOPS)

(TREADMILL WHIRRS)

OK, she's on the move.

We've left the doors unlocked.

(SYSTEM BEEPS AND CLICKS)

She's heading to the upper floor,

be patient.

She's entering Jensen's suite.

Let's see what she's up to.

(ANGELIC MUSIC)

(BREATHES SHAKILY)

Move the drones. Eyes

on Jensen's suite, overhead pass.

(TREADMILL POWERS DOWN)

(PANTING)

Hello. Can you take this?

Everyone wait.

sh*t.

Who are you?

Um Joy.

I'm Jensen.

It's nice to meet you.

Would

W-Would you like some water?

Oh, no, really. I should get going.

There's juice. They insist on - providing juice.

-I'm really sorry.

I know. I shouldn't. I

Take

I'm sorry, I didn't know this

was actually somebody's room.

The door was open. I have not been

here for a long time, really.

Oh, "long time".

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

There's no such thing as time.

"Any distinction between past,

present and future is only

a stubbornly persistent illusion."

Sorry?

(CHUCKLES) You know who said that?

Albert Einstein.

Did someone send you here?

(SCOFFS) No! No! I just

No, I just

It's OK.

Yeah. Yeah. (INHALES SHARPLY)

Yeah, they did.

Sorry, yeah. Sorry.

And that would be Iris, I expect.

Yep.

She's very clever.

Yeah.

There is so much she wants to know.

-Yeah.

-How much did she tell you about the device?

Not much,

Cameron did say some words.

But (SIGHS) ..they

weren't really words I understood.

I know that you invented it.

Oh, no. Not at all.

Oh. Sorry.

I-I thought Cameron said

Yeah. He probably did but

he likes to think it's true.

But I'm not clever enough to have

"invented" it.

And I'm not sure anyone is.

I I built it

I built it for sure.

But the device

was its own invention.

What does that mean?

I mean it came to me like a memory.

Except perhaps a memory

of the future.

Because "time future is

contained in time past

and time past in time future."

Yeah. I expect that only works

if you know the poem.

(CHUCKLES)

I don't know the poem.

Oh, but it's a great poem

by a very troubled man.

Um

But Einstein and this

poet are saying the same thing,

expressing the same truth.

Which is that the laws of physics

are symmetric and reversible.

The rules are the same whether

time runs forward or backward.

All time is one.

So I think of the device

as a kind of recursive causal loop.

It created itself.

Bootstrapped itself into existence

from nothing.

Ex nihilo.

And I was like its composer.

Like I was transcribing a melody.

No, I-I know what you mean.

I feel like that sometimes.

When I write music.

You write music?

Just a bit, yeah.

But some days it feels, like

"I'm not actually writing this".

It's already out there,

just tapping into something.

Then you understand.

How long have you been alone here?

Oh, luckily,

there's no such thing as time.

Or else I'd be tempted to say

something like, "It

feels like forever."

Who was the last person

you spoke to?

Iris must never know the things

she seeks to know, Joy.

Charlie mustn't wake.

Why not?

(DOORS SLAM OPEN NEARBY)

Cos it's very dangerous. How?

Mustn't wake. Mustn't wake.

(DOOR OPENS)

(GUARD SHOUTS)(MUTTERS)

(TASER CRACKLES) (GROANING)

No! No! Meski! No.

Meski!(GROANING) No. No. No.

(TASER CRACKLES) Come on.

(DOOR OPENS)

What do you think?

I think what you think.

What do I think?

You think it was a good idea

to leave the door

of Jensen's room open, because you

wanted to know if she'd go in.

And she went in. So now you know.

And what else do I think?

That, given the specific warning you

gave her about not going in

she could only have done it

because Iris Nixon told her to.

Do I know the reason

why Iris told her to?

Not yet.

But it does tell us that,

if Iris is willing to go

to such lengths

to have Joy returned to her

she's not doing it from an excess

of feeling for the girl.

So what do I think we should do?

You think,

if Joy IS doing something for Iris,

there's a way to use that knowledge

to your own advantage.

I do think that.

Because there is a way to use it,

isn't there?

Yes.

That's what I was thinking.

AUTOMATED VOICE:

"Helicopter approaching.

Helicopter approaching"

He's here.

(HELICOPTER DOOR OPENS)

Mr Beck.

Mr Pym,

nice to put a face to the name.

Mm.

Looking forward the meeting

this special girl

who's gonna solve all our problems.

(GRUNTS)

(SIGHS) (GROANS)

(GASPS WHEEZILY) Oh.

(STAMMERS) Help me

Help me get her up. Come on.

Come on now,

bring her over to the couch.

(COUGHS) That's it.

(GRUNTS) (GRUNTS)

(BREATHES WHEEZILY)

OK. Listen to me.

None of this

is what you think it is.

I didn't k*ll Teo.

But I know who did.

The man responsible for all

of it is called Cameron Beck.

Cameron also abducted Joy Baxter.

You met Joy.

You know what a vulnerable - young woman she is.

-f*ck you.

Liar.

(SHOUTS IN ITALIAN)

(WOMAN SCREAMS)

Iris

(BREATHES HEAVILY)

If you actually want to know

what happened to Teo,

I need you to help

get me out of here.

Up to you, Nico.

The police are here.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)