02x05 - A Guarded Heart

[bunniefuu]

4 DAYS TO CHRISTMAS

Thyme leaves, juniper berries, and cloves.

Filippo made me buy all sorts.

And who uses cloves

these days anyway? Really!

Anyhow, Filippo won't even

make us breakfast anymore,

let alone Christmas dinner.

Mmm.

Why don't you two make up?

He's the one who started it.

I definitely went too far,

but it's not my fault Pippa's mental.

Well, you two argued,

so now you should make up.

No, I'd rather order pizzas for Christmas.

But now I've got this little doubt

in my head, thanks to him!

What's wrong?

Oh, it's

Well, do you feel you've loved before?

Like felt a true love

for someone in your life?

Yes.

Myself. Every day.

And Mario for a while of course,

but he tried to change me,

so I decided to go back to loving myself.

Hmm.

All right, I'll admit it.

She likely wasn't

the best person to go to.

But what if Filippo's right?

What if I've never

loved a man my whole life?

I'm not really sure if I've ever seen

Santa's sleigh before, but how

but how'd you ever know?

I HATE CHRISTMAS 2

I've loved all the guys

I've ever been with, without question.

But that can't be

true, true love with just everyone!

Oh, never mind her.

She doesn't know what she's talking about.

With my husband it was like bang,

love at first sight, like lightning.

So the lightning bolt,

metaphorically speaking, is more a flash,

or a star that looks like

Santa's sleigh, possibly?

- No, it was like whiplash.

- Ah.

Why? Do you like someone

and you're not sure if it's real love?

It's for a friend writing her thesis

"How would you describe true love?"

- and she needs a few testimonials

- A journey into a new world.

I felt it once before.

I just didn't realise at that point.

[gentle, mysterious music playing]

No, hold on,

that sounds a bit bizarre to me.

You can confuse non-true love with true

love,

but you can't confuse true love

with non-true love.

[Davide] I don't know.

Maybe that can happen when you're afraid.

But an expert will know much more.

An expert like your friend

from the other night?

What do you mean?

I wanted to say "cougar".

But then I remembered

we're the same age, so yeah.

Actually, Silvia's a coordinator

for the NGO.

We met each other in Bali.

We're just friends, we're not together.

Actually, I went to ask her

to assign me to another project

before Christmas. So I'm leaving.

Gianna, there's an emergency

with bed 27. Can you go? I can't.

- Oh no, Stella. Excuse me.

- [Davide] Yeah

Gianna, I I

- Stella.

- Stella.

[Umberto] Stella? We're here.

[Gianna] Hold on to me.

[Umberto] One, two, three.

What happened? Did you fall over?

No, I I fell asleep,

and then I woke up

and got out of bed to go to the bathroom.

I felt a terrible pain in my leg

and it wouldn't hold me up anymore.

Can you still feel the pain there?

No, not as much

if I don't put weight on it.

But I already know what this pain means.

I'll take you for a PET scan.

[sombre music playing]

[music trails off]

And I was right.

It's returned.

Unfortunately, the PET scan showed a mass.

We need to do a biopsy, but it could be

the same type of osteosarcoma.

My other leg this time.

What's next?

The oncologist will know.

But this type of tumour is known

for spreading very quickly,

and the treatments may not be enough.

Of course.

Losing my other leg is still

much better than losing my life.

[Gianna sobs]

[melancholy pop music playing]

I feel like a complete idiot.

But just because there are bigger problems

doesn't mean that all the others

don't have the right to exist.

We've been a bit childish.

I really do want to say one thing though.

I've been thinking about it a lot.

Apart from Santa Claus,

apart from Gisella,

the real problem for me is that, um

The problem is, I just don't think

you ever really loved me.

Why do you think that? What

What do you mean?

Loving someone, in my books,

means completely letting them

into your life.

Giving yourself entirely and accepting

all parts of the other person,

even the bad things.

With you, I always felt as though

you weren't quite letting me in entirely.

And what you didn't like about me,

you just put away in the cupboard.

A bit like what you did

with the formaldehyde heart

that my mother gave me for my graduation.

Did really you think I didn't notice

you made it disappear as soon as I left?

[Gianna] I really was listening to him.

[quirky music playing]

But then an itty-bitty doubt

began creeping in.

Might it all come down

to being a mummy's boy,

just like your usual Italian man?

Huh? Is that the reason

he can't forgive me?

Or could it be

I'm the average stereotypical Italian girl

who blames her mother

to avoid admitting her own mistakes?

I'm like my mother,

who always blamed my grandmother.

[Gianna] Mum?

[faint laughter]

[Marta] We could try.

Slow down, slow down.

Slow down? No, no. [Pietro chuckles]

[Marta] Pietro, you're naughty.

[Gianna] It was horrifying!

It's not like Mum and Dad

have ever been normal.

But is it normal for you

to argue with Filippo

and then for us to have to freeze

in the cold like three idiots?

Do you know

what the therapist asked me the other day?

"Tell me what you were like

as a little girl."

And I told her I was

always worried and anxious.

That statement actually says

a lot about your relationships.

- Like what?

- Sure you want to know?

- Yes. Oh, come on.

- Come inside, I'll tell you in there.

What it means is that you always manage

to get yourself dumped

by men you could build

a serious relationship with, yeah?

So, the problem

with our love lives lies with us?

Yeah, a little bit, yeah.

Guido and I were great at first,

then life started getting complicated.

All I did was keep complaining,

instead of admitting that I was

scared of not being good enough.

Look what happens

when you binge-watch romantic comedies.

So what did I do wrong then?

You should listen to Umberto. He had

no way in. You left him on the doorstep.

No, we both stayed at my place

every other night, and

- "In", as in, in your

- Oh, "in"! Metaphorically into my heart.

Does he know you're afraid

of taking blood samples?

No, absolutely not.

I have to take blood samples.

No one can know about that.

Okay then, tell me, have you ever made him

eat a whole cake because you were sad?

No.

Have you ever called him at 3:00 a.m.

because you were going crazy?

No, no. No.

But letting someone truly into your life

means exactly that, though.

I'm really, really cold.

- I get it. Go inside.

- I'm cold. I'm going inside, yeah.

- I've got resolutions!

- Oh God, please. I beg you.

I want to make a serious effort

in trying to fix my marriage.

Because honestly I've been pretending.

What a good idea. Invite him to the party

tomorrow night and it'll be done.

What party?

Alessandro and his colleague from work

are organising a party

called "Festa ill*gal".

- He says I can bring whoever I want.

- Ah, ill*gal

[Margherita chuckling]

Oh my goodness.

Next time you argue,

make sure it's in August, okay?

- Didi?

- Yeah?

I heard you talking

about the "Festa ill*gal"?

- Mmm.

- That guy I told you about is going too.

I heard him talking about it.

Let me tag along, I beg you!

"Underage" and "ill*gal"

don't go that well together, you know?

- But it's just a pun.

- Oh really?

"ill*gal", and they're lawyers.

Explain it to me, please.

Oh please, oh please,

oh please, oh please.

Okay, but I'm dressing you.

We'll be even and we can be done with it.

Thanks for the other day.

Anyway, I know you call me "Pollyanna".

[chuckles softly]

But I'm not like her.

I absolutely hate this pain.

And the only way to overcome it is

to show it how strong I really am.

That my life is special,

and to enjoy each day.

Oh, I know.

Beautiful, friendly,

plus diversely disabled.

- It's impossible not to love me.

- Oh, well, never mind, I give up!

Actually, I'll raise you.

If the doctor gives permission,

I'm taking you out tonight.

Wait, really?

- [both chuckle]

- Let's party.

[lively, eccentric music playing]

[camera shutter snaps]

[phone chimes]

TODAY

GIANNA

[phone beeps]

Uh, hi, Umberto, uh

I was calling to say that you were right,

because I took the heart

out of the cupboard.

Uh, wouldn't you know,

it's not all that horrible.

Would you like to come to a party tonight?

[phone dings]

That's not true. It's super spooky.

It's super-duper spooky.

It's creepy and spooky.

But you heard Stella.

Even horrible things are part of life.

No, I'm not saying that a distaste of this

is the same

as an amputated leg, obviously.

It's a metaphor for a

[tapping keyboard]

I'M WORKING TONIGHT.

[phone chimes]

I'M SORRY FOR MESSING EVERYTHING UP.

YOU'RE RIGHT, IT'S TOO LATE TO FIX THINGS.

SHIFTS CAN ALWAYS BE CHANGED, CAN'T THEY?

[phone chimes]

[hummin happily]

["Nails, Hair, Hips, Heels"

by Todrick Hall playing]

Yes!

And Margherita was right.

Yep, you have to present yourself.

Don't be afraid of risks.

Let everyone see the real person.

And it really works!

So, I promise the next time

I'm feeling slightly sad,

he's going to need to finish

an entire cake.

But the needle thing, the fact

that they scare me, that's for later.

Girl, I don't dance, I work ♪

I don't play, I slay ♪

I don't walk

I strut, strut, strut and then sashay ♪

I don't work for free

No, that's not the tea hunty ♪

So make it rain on me

And I might let you see ♪

- What you gonna let them see? ♪

- My nails, hair, hips, heels ♪

Nails, hair, hips, heels ♪

Nails, hair, hips, heels

Nails, hair, hips, heels ♪

Ta-da!

- [Gianna] Beautiful!

- No.

Don't think so. Doesn't suit you.

Lovely, but a bit much.

No, no, no, no!

No.

[song trails off]

We'll have to put a sign 'round your neck

that clearly states "underage".

- I don't even recognise myself.

- I know.

Girls, are you ready? Hey!

Do you like it?

- Wow!

- Beautiful!

Come on, let's hurry up.

I don't want Guido to get there before me.

- Mm-mmm.

- [Monica] I'll join you later.

I told Dad I'd wait for him

and that we'd go together.

Okay. See you later.

["Trick Me (Club Mix)" by Kelis playing]

Said I've paid my dues

For all that I've done ♪

And I showed you

That I loved you more than once ♪

[no audible dialogue]

There's nothing left there to decide ♪

I used to be down

With the late-night hit ♪

Started gettin' heavy

When I really wasn't ready ♪

It's okay to do a late shift, but this

Well, I can understand that Umberto

wanted to brush up. But Guido?

Well, he could've

wanted to dress up too, right?

No.

I'm going to call him.

A drink?

[smooth electronica music playing]

That that was mine.

- No worries.

- I'm sorry, I'll

I won't give it back to you,

but I'll make you another one.

No, I won't because

we're not at my bar, but I'll

- I'm Stella.

- Filippo.

Did your dad make you change?

I'll talk to him. I'll tell him.

No, he had nothing to do with it.

I got changed before he came back.

Why? You looked gorgeous.

You were perfect.

That wasn't me, I was someone else.

I want that guy to see me

for who I really am. The real McCoy.

Okay. You told me you wanted

to win him over, you wanted to be all

By the way, there he is.

[quirky music playing]

Monica, that's the guy you like?

Forget about him.

I mean, even dressed like that.

- I'd stay away from him, he's not

- Hey!

- Hi!

- right for you.

Hi, Davide.

Hi. Um, remind we where we met?

- At my father's bar.

- Of course.

Sorry. I just didn't recognise you

dressed like this.

- How's your friend doing now?

- Better.

Actually, I think the meals I get

from yours seems to do him good.

- [Monica chuckles]

- It's Manuela, right?

Excuse me, I need to go inside now.

See you later. Bye.

Manuela?

He was close enough, though.

He got at least three letters.

Being close only matters

if you're playing bowls, to be honest.

And I don't want to say this

because it's horrible,

but I did tell you so.

What did you tell me?

That you just have to dress

a certain way for guys to like you?

Listen, it was you who came to me saying,

"Let's dress up all sexy" and all that.

And yes, anyway, it does help, evidently.

At least I know

he doesn't like me for who I am.

What about you?

Do men like you for who you are

or for who you pretend to be?

[gentle, introspective music playing]

- [Pavan] What is this, a school disco?

- [laughs]

- Do you know that kid then?

- Uh, no.

- No?

- No.

- Shall we go inside? Come on.

- Yes.

[club music pulsing]

Hey.

- Oh, hey! So you're here too!

- Yeah.

Now I'm going to expect you

to show up in my living room too!

- If you want me to, I will.

- Just joking.

But at least that way,

I could talk to you properly.

I've been wanting to speak to you.

Wait, first can I Maybe I should start,

because I really want to be

as sincere as I can,

to help me show you the real me.

- But I need to practise.

- Of course.

Because the truth is

that I think you are the only person

who I've ever really

fully opened up to and let in.

And perhaps the fact

that you're that much younger than me was

why I knew deep down

that you'd never have stayed.

So clearly, you were right to leave me!

There probably wasn't any hope for us.

Gianna, he's not answering his phone.

- What if he's dead?

- No, no, no. He's not dead!

- Oh, it's Toy Boy!

- This is

[chuckling]

- Excuse me, can you give us a moment?

- No worries.

Are you an idiot? Toy Boy?

Toy Boy is our thing! His name is Davide!

All right, I'll say sorry to him. We have

more important things to think about now.

Yes, I know. Umberto also hasn't arrived.

- [whimpers]

- But it's not that late though.

I mean Guido may be driving

and can't check his phone.

Look at this, I called him 20 times.

That's 20 phone calls, Margherita!

Twenty Phone calls! No!

I don't think he's coming.

Mm-mmm.

- And do you know what the worst thing is?

- That he didn't call to let you know?

No. That I miss the man I married.

And it took a party

for me to realise that!

Why don't you tell him?

- You're a genius.

- Ah, well

- I'll go now.

- No, not now!

- No, you've just called him 100 times!

- Twenty-three!

And anyway, Guido doesn't like

being on the phone. I know him.

Tomorrow you'll have a clear head,

just wait!

Are you waiting for someone?

Mmm. Umberto, who's not coming anyway.

That means I won't get the chance

to let him in now.

He's never been to your house?

Don't worry.

[chuckling]

Hey.

- You're still here?

- [Stella] I convinced him.

Your friend is nice, after all.

Shall we go and dance?

Uh, yeah, yes. Um

- I'll be there in a minute, okay?

- Okay, cool.

[Filippo sighs]

[Filippo] Okay

I'm sorry about the other night.

I said some horrible things.

No, it was all true.

You were right.

I've never known true love

because I've never let it in.

I'm sorry for messing up your life a bit.

In fact I'm the one who is messed up,

I'm a disaster.

You're not a disaster, you're a

tornado.

I think a tornado is worse

than a disaster though

No.

A tornado changes your perspective.

It makes you go out with people

you wouldn't normally have spoken to.

It organises a night at the bar for you.

It even makes you eat a whole panettone.

[delicate, tender music playing]

It calls you at any time

of the day or night to

talk about its fears.

Or even just to talk.

That's true, I did that.

So, yes, yes,

you did mess up my life, yes, but

thank you, because you made me live,

and I had a lot of fun too.

[Gianna, shakily] Mmm.

Actually, I'm sorry.

I've behaved stupidly.

Me too.

[Stella] Hey.

You said you'd be a minute!

Yes, uh, ah

Yes, yes, you're right.

It's just that I'm exhausted. I'll pass.

Let's have one more go.

Let's dance like no one's watching,

all right?

So you do remember.

[Gianna laughing]

Come on,

Let's go.

["BABY g*dd*mn" by Tananai playing]

[Italian pop-rap song playing]

Are there no normal men?

Oh, hey!

Anyway, I get it,

that heart is really horrid.

Yeah!

I missed you like crazy.

[dreamy club music playing]

It's bizarre to think about it, really.

It started just the same way.

What did?

The disaster.

The same feeling of happiness

on the morning of Christmas Eve.

And then, I don't know,

I kind of panicked.

Are you saying

you're going to kiss Santa Claus again

and everything will start all over?

[playfully] No.

No.

I'm saying I'm not scared anymore.

Even that stuff about a ring,

I should've realised

that wasn't the surprise.

Because you're not like that.

I'm not a ring kind of guy, no?

You're unconventional.

Your Christmas surprises

are special, and different.

I like that you see me that way.

Yes, you know, it all started last year,

with Santa and the cue cards, so

[quirky music playing]

What do you mean, cue cards?

You know, the Love Actually cue cards.

Last year's surprise.

I'm sorry, but I I don't know

what you're talking about.

That wasn't me.

Is that a real problem?

No, no, it's fine. No.

[zany, upbeat music playing]

[zany music continuing]

[swaggering electro-pop music playing]