Brothers After w*r (2023)

[bunniefuu]

I'm a family member.

I'm usually qualified

to be sitting out there

with you as a family member.

My younger brothers

have deployed 15 times

between the two of them.

Isaac and Joe have been

fighting the w*r on terror

for 20 years.

From 2005 to 2007,

I went to Iraq three times.

Armed only with a camera,

I was in combat with sn*pers...

Did you get them?

-Marines...

-I don't want a long story.

Just answer my questions.

Yes or no.

Paratroopers,

and the Iraqi Army.

I expect you to fight.

I felt the adrenaline rush...

Holy sh*t!

Witnessed utter sadness,

and experienced firsthand

the tough transition

from the w*r front

to the home front.

The result

was "Brothers at w*r."

This one is different.

It's not a political film.

There's no political agenda.

It's a personal agenda

about a guy who just wants

to get to know his brothers

and what they're doing

and why they do it

and why they're serving.

And through

the course of the film,

you see him discover that,

and when he does,

he discovers some good

things about himself, too.

I rededicated my career

to helping service members

by developing a series

of resiliency workshops.

In the past decade, I've

presented these workshops

to over 30,000 service

members and their families.

I've done so many workshops

for so many soldiers.

I've seen so many warriors

come home.

Some of them commit suicide

a couple weeks

before I get there.

Um...

I've had so many people

talk to me

about the devastation

that they faced

either overseas that they

weren't able to overcome

or what they faced

when they came home.

When I came back home

from Iraq in '05,

I was angry at everybody,

but I couldn't be angry at them

because they didn't understand

what I understood.

The feelings that you

are expressing right now

are something that literally

hundreds of thousands

of service members feel.

And by the fact

that you're willing

to stand here and talk about it,

there's other people

in this room

that may be

a little shyer about that,

but you're giving them

some relief,

and you're opening up

a reality of being a soldier.

One of the hardest parts

of being a warrior,

and it's always been this way,

is coming home.

The reason why I'm doing

this documentary right now

is because I want to see

how the guys that

I embedded with years ago

are doing,

how they're really doing,

like, what's really

happening with them.

I'm gonna come home,

and the one thing

I'm gonna want to do

is just pick her up, grab her,

and hug her.

And the reality of it is,

she may not let me

because she won't remember

who I am.

Mmm. Hey, baby.

I'm gonna have to go home

and reacquaint myself

with my own daughter

and prove to her

that I love her.

Hunter, look.

Look. Da-da.

I don't know how he's doing it.

I couldn't do it.

I couldn't leave her.

Hunter's at a good age

where she doesn't

necessarily notice

in the moment that he's gone.

I remind her of him

all the time.

But I think the person

it's toughest on is Isaac.

If I'd not come home from that,

she never would

have known who I am.

I wanted to be interviewed

because a lot of kids

don't know what it's like

to have your dad

go on six deployments.

You went with him,

and you know what was going on.

And I don't really know

what's going on,

so I don't know what he's doing

or if he's okay.

And it was a couple weeks,

maybe a month

before she got really

comfortable around me again.

And then, uh,

probably six months.

It was probably six months

before I was able

to be her dad again.

And that's...

That's the shitty part.

Where they don't, uh...

They don't recognize you as dad.

You kind of get used

to the fact that...

they're not in the next room.

It gets harder each time

because I worry about the

cumulative impact on them.

Well, sometimes

when I'm going to sleep,

I have nightmares about it,

and then I get scared.

What happens in the nightmares?

Daddy, he's in the desert,

and then he gets shot,

and then he never comes home.

Switch, switch, switch, switch!

Target's down!

Now battalion commander,

Isaac is training his soldiers

for an upcoming deployment

to Africa.

-Man moving!

-Go!

These are big boys.

Give me a little bit

of a boost on my back,

all right?

Casualty that we've got

is about 230 pounds.

Makes it a much more realistic

problem set for them.

This is the team leader here

behind the car.

He's trying

to control everything

and report to higher.

He's got his team sergeant

maneuvering.

Let's go.

I'm hearing him

on the radio as well.

Three-three-Alpha.

We got three-seven-Alpha.

So, the bloody bob is something

that I would say

our unit has to have.

They bleed. They move.

They have various amputations

and deep wounds.

We have to challenge our guys

with something like that

that gives real time feedback.

If you don't tighten

your tourniquet

tight enough,

it won't stop bleeding.

If you don't hold an inguinal

wound for three minutes

with the right pressure

in the right direction,

the casualty dies.

When you get into Fallujah

and your life is on the line...

it is extremely hard to explain,

but your life's not on the line.

It's your buddy's life.

Hold 'em!

Back, back, back!

They had done what

they could to revive him.

It didn't work. And they...

He was laying

in a plastic body bag

with his hands on his chest.

And I reached down

and put my hand on his chest

and squeezed.

And it was his hand.

And I could... I could tell.

Through the body bag,

I knew that was his hand.

And that just...

that crushed me.

I could feel it. I had shaken

his hand so many times.

You've got flashes

and casualties.

Your element's

starting to get strung out.

You definitely want to

maintain 100% accountability,

knowing that that's the last man

so that nobody gets left

out there in the brush alone.

37, this is 6.

First casualty's made it in.

Why do you train

your soldiers so hard?

I don't want to lose one.

Uh...

I mean, I've always taken

that responsibility

pretty personally.

That it's my job to, yes,

accomplish the mission.

The army charges me with that.

But it's also my responsibility

to bring every one

of my soldiers home alive.

Some of my reasons

for going, I'm sure,

were personal.

I wanted to see

if I could do it, handle it.

But I didn't really have

anything back here.

That you were sacrificing?

I don't have a family

like you have.

In 300 meters,

turn right onto Moskevsk.

I had a two-year

international battle

to be in my children's lives.

I now share 50-50 custody

with their mother.

Hi, guys.

Can I get a hug?

You want a hug?

You got your bag?

Are you ready to go?

There was a time

when I didn't know

if Noel was gonna be

in my life at all.

I only saw him for five weeks

out of the first year

of his life.

He was honestly a lost cause.

But those are the only ones

worth fighting for.

Noel, do you want me

to put you in?

Want to get in there?

Looks like some camera guys

are following us.

-I think so.

-Do we have to bring them?

Just ignore the camera guys.

So this trip is about grabbing

my kids from Prague

and taking them into Italy

and introducing them

to their cousins.

This is gonna be the first

time that Joe and I have done

a family vacation together

in decades.

Are you excited

to eat Italian food?

If there's spaghetti done, yes.

By the time

my brother Joe was 19,

he was already a combat veteran.

Can you ever really

be ready for w*r?

If you're willing to live

in a country like this,

so many freedoms

and opportunities,

I think you should be willing

to lay down your life

if necessary.

Was there any life-changing

moments over there?

Some of the little girls

would run out,

wonder if we drove by and wave

through the Humvees and such.

And you knew they really

cared about us being there.

And it made me feel like I was

actually doing something,

not just going over

to some foreign country

because I'm told to do so.

Made me feel like

I was making a difference

in the world, you know,

helping other people.

What's up, buddy?

How you doing, sweetheart?

You want to give me

a hug up here?

Hi.

Joe, now a master sergeant,

is stationed in Italy.

Love you.

You don't take prisoners, Joe?

How am I supposed to take

prisoners in a two-man team?

Come on, Jacob.

Doesn't make any sense.

I don't know how else

I'm gonna do this.

I didn't plan for the cameraman

to go in the car with me.

Okay. But you have four...

You only have...

You have a car seat.

I can only fit

four people in there.

I have two car seats

and two of those seats.

And then I have a shotgun

passenger and a driver.

That's six, right?

I have four seats in my car.

Two of those

are filled with car seats.

The other two

are driver, passenger.

That's it. My back is gone

because all the stuff's

in the back of there.

Oh.

Does it pretty much fill it?

-Yes. We just filled it.

-All right.

Now, if you wait too long

and we mess around here,

my kids are all going

to be asleep when we get home

and there'll be

no light to sh**t.

Okay.

-You ready? Let's go.

-Let's go.

Look. Look.

It says "Rademacher."

Rademacher.

Oh, my goodness.

You guys are so cute.

Who's that, Gabe?

This is Noel.

Why don't you say hi

and give hugs?

Wanna say hi?

This is Josie.

Oh, my God. Josie.

Remember Gabriel?

Can we give Gabriel a hug? Oh.

Joe and Danielle

married in 2013.

They've been

through six deployments

in the last eight years.

Joe wanted to take me

to the exact location

where our grandfather,

Lieutenant Joseph Rademacher,

who Joe was named after,

was shot down

on his 17th bombing mission.

He evaded capture

and spent the last six months

of World w*r II

fighting side by side

with Italian partisans.

What's cool about it

is Grandpa

was special operations.

He was like original gangster.

Like, this is before the CIA.

This is before JSOC.

This is before special forces.

Tell me a story from your life

that you thought of

when you started

to hear Grandpa's story.

I just thought about

everything I've done.

-Like what?

-I don't know.

Everything that I did

that I can't talk about.

-Okay, so talk about that.

-Talk about what?

Talk about the stuff

you can't talk about.

I just said I can't talk about.

Right, right, right.

You can't talk about

"I was here at this time.

I did this.

This was my mission."

But you can talk

about the human being

that went

through these experiences.

That's invigorating, I guess.

Adrenaline. Yeah, sure.

I mean, think about it.

He was bombing

and getting shot at by flak.

Jumped out of an airplane

and then invading capture.

If that doesn't get

your blood running,

I don't know what it does,

you know?

Jesus Christ!

Joe came back from Iraq in 2006

and then went

to Afghanistan in 2007

with the 82nd Airborne.

He was in combat

almost every day.

Crazy sh*t going on now.

While an instructor

at sn*per school,

Joe tried out

and was selected for RRC,

the elite reconnaissance company

of the 75th Ranger Regiment.

He deployed with

the Special Operations Unit

to Somalia

and Afghanistan six times.

Do you think of yourself

as a hero?

No.

-No?

-No.

Not at all.

-Justin!

-Do your best.

Let me tell you something.

It's funny.

Whenever people like,

"Thanks for your service,"

you know what I tell them

when I'm with Danielle?

"Thank her for her service

'cause really, truly,

she serves more than I do."

What are the sacrifices

that a military spouse

like yourself makes?

I don't know where to start.

Um...

The first thing that comes

to mind is my children.

I have to see Daddy leave,

you know, through their eyes,

and it breaks my heart.

Every time that we had

to say good-bye to Daddy

and dropping Joe off,

literally putting them

in their car seats

while they were screaming

their heads off.

Because they knew,

especially Gabriel, deep down

that they weren't gonna

see Daddy for a while.

Gabriel got to a point

where he started to run

the opposite direction

whenever Dad called.

"I don't want

to speak to Daddy."

He couldn't because

he was hurting too bad,

and he couldn't express it

because he was so little.

What's your job?

Look for trouble.

Look for bad guys.

Wait for stuff to happen.

Wait for the guy

to be in the wrong place,

the wrong time,

doing the wrong thing.

And when he is?

He flies.

Going to bed at night,

knowing there's a possibility

he couldn't come home.

I mean, let's talk about that.

That's a huge thing in itself.

I'd had it. I'd had enough.

Joe told me you said to him,

"It's the Ranger Battalion

or me, baby."

Is that true?

Talk to me about that moment.

It was so beyond stressful.

I had three kids.

They were three, one and a half,

and four months old.

If, God forbid, something

ever happened to him,

how the hell would I do this?

How would I do this?

How could I do this?

And then how could I raise them

with everything

that I wanted for them

without their father

being there?

Oh, how are you feeling?

Good, sweetie.

But he, too,

also missed his babies,

and he felt the same.

And I was very relieved

that when he came home

and I put them on his shoulders,

he was like,

"Babe, I'm done. I can't.

I miss you guys too much."

And it was the biggest relief

I've ever, ever felt.

Joe invited his colleague,

Major Mike DiFabio,

an expert on World w*r II,

to illustrate our

grandfather's experience

fighting alongside

Italian partisans.

And those units

would suddenly disband.

And not like disband,

like, "Oh, go home."

You wake up one morning

and the commander's gone,

and you're in the barracks.

Everybody's staring at each

other, "What do we do now?"

So your grandfather

was very fortunate

to link up with the right guys

at the right time.

And then he obviously trusted

those guys enough

to stay there

and continue to operate

for the rest of the w*r.

I have a question for you.

When you were talking about

the mistakes the Nazis made

in disbanding the Army

and then turning

all these Italian experienced

soldiers essentially loose

who became partisans,

it reminded me of what we did

in Iraq as Americans.

You just did it.

So you agree with me...

where we went in

and we told the Iraqi Army,

"You're going to have a job.

We're going to work with you."

And then

we took over the country.

And then we said,

"Okay, you're fired.

We're not going

to use Iraqi Army.

We're going

to start all over."

And then some of those guys

became partisans.

Some of those guys

became insurgents.

That's a pretty big

generalization.

Within partisan groups

or insurgent groups

within Syria right now,

we're trying to figure out

who do we back,

who do we not back.

How about

we don't back any of them?

Well, I will tell you one...

How do you know

we have the right ones?

Collateral damage of that

is all the...

Have you been to Syria

and you work with...

All the people from Syria

that come up through Italy

and flood into the country

with refugees.

We're going way too political

with this thing.

-We need to stop.

-It's not political.

-Yes, it is.

-Why?

'Cause it's a decision

right now.

It's too political.

That's the kind of sh*t

that CNBC or NBC

would f*cking pull.

You pull him in here

to talk about Italy

and our grandfather,

not about f*cking Iraq.

Yes, he's been to Iraq.

You can ask him

about his

personal situation in Iraq.

But to tell him to weigh in

on certain decisions

that were made in Iraq

and how they're made

in current day in Syria

is bullshit.

I'm not trying to force a

political thing into anything.

It came to me in the moment.

He's talking

about Italian partisans.

I was thinking about what

I learned in Iraq in 2005

on the ground,

embedded with Iraq.

He was here specifically

to answer questions

about your grandfather.

And you're now turning it

into something so much

farther than it used to be.

Politically charged.

How dare you.

I'm done. I'm done.

How's it politically charged?

Good night, Jake.

Go over there and see how it is.

Walk through

the streets of Iraqi cities.

See how scared

some of these people are

to express

how they really feel in life,

the freedoms that you have.

Watch the little girls

come up and wave to us,

so happy that we're there

so some other guys

or S*ddam Hussein

can't come back into power

and m*rder their parents

or the rest of their family.

By being proactive sometimes,

you can be the oppressor,

not the liberator.

There's no other justification

for us to stay in Syria

because you gotta look at it

from other party's shoes.

Wait, you said you were gonna

go in here and defeat !sis.

Now you're staying here?

Are you an occupier

or are you a liberator?

But is there peace in Syria?

When you try to control things

by dictating who's in power

and giving haven

to certain people,

like in Iran back in the 70s,

you cause a catalyst

for a bunch of problems

that has ripple effects

down the road.

So by inserting yourself

into a fight

that you don't belong in,

you're going to get punched

in the face eventually.

-How long do we need to stay?

-How many people...

-Let me ask this.

-How many people...

How many people are in Europe

that used to live in Syria?

-Jake.

-So by doing nothing,

it causes a problem.

Jake, you couldn't stop that

even if you wanted to.

All right,

let me ask you this, Jake.

How long are we going

to be in Afghanistan?

How many more times do I have

to go over to Afghanistan

before it's going

to become good?

No, we should ask Isaac

that question.

Well, he hasn't been there

in a long time.

He was in...

Really? How many

deployments does Isaac have?

I've got deployments

all the way from 2007

all the way to 2017,

over a decade,

watching how that country has

developed over a decade, Jake,

and I've talked

to a lot of intellectuals

and a lot

of political leaders there

and a lot of people throughout

and seen a lot of people

go and come,

including body bags.

I can tell you what

that country is no more secure

than it was in 2007, Jake.

And it was much more secure

in 2002 than it is today.

So, what should we do

in Afghanistan?

My question was you. You have

to answer my question.

How long do we stay?

And are we actually doing

the right thing, Jake?

And what's

your measure of success?

I've been dating Joe

for three and a half years.

I think he's changed.

I think it's

just because he went to Iraq.

I think that changed him a lot.

Joe was always really,

like, afraid to argue with me

or yell at me

or anything like that.

Now whenever

he gets mad, he just...

he just screams.

So you lost the car, the dog,

and what else in the divorce?

5,000 bucks?

Yeah. But I got to keep

both the houses,

so I guess it's even trade.

And to Danielle's credit,

she honestly saved

my life, dude.

There was one night

I was really down in the dumps

and had way too much to drink.

Put down about a fifth of Jager

in less than an hour

and was just smoking and

drinking in the garage here.

Nobody was answering the phone

that I was trying

to reach out to

'cause they're busy

or, you know, just whatever,

and started getting

suicidal thoughts, man.

And, uh...

I had been released

from sn*per school

'cause the leader...

I didn't agree

with the leadership there.

And so that was a rough time

professionally for me

'cause that was my life.

It was being

a sn*per school instructor.

I was good at it.

And, man,

I was pretty down in the dumps

and about this close from...

I put my 9-mil in my mouth

and literally pulled

the slack out of the trigger.

Probably another half-pound

left on the pressure

on the trigger.

And, kabooey,

I wouldn't be here.

And she talked me off the ledge.

So, yeah, I was this close

to f*cking taking my own life.

I haven't told

anybody this before,

except for you.

But the reason

why I'm telling you now

is if it helps save

another soldier's life,

to share my experience.

You know, I'm like, "Hey, man,

we've all been there."

Dude, you need to, like,

f*cking talk to somebody

no matter what

and get a hold of them.

And be very careful

with drinking, you know,

when you're in those low stages.

Stop putting this facade

like you're John Wayne.

You're not, bro.

"You're not. Nobody is."

No, I'm lucky, man.

I'm lucky that Danielle

actually came into my life

and turned me around.

I'm lucky that Danelle answered

the phone that night.

I'm lucky that things

worked out the way they did,

'cause if I didn't go

through a divorce,

if I didn't experience all that,

if I didn't hit that low point,

I wouldn't be appreciative

of what I have right now.

Thanks for coming to talk, man.

Appreciate it. Love you.

Love you, too.

Don't ever do that again

without calling me, as*h*le.

Yeah, whatever.

All right, gentlemen, for you

that haven't met me yet,

I'm Master Rademacher from G35.

Right now,

I'm gonna give you guys

a brief on all things Nigeria.

What I like about this up

on the right, as you can see,

the capital

of Abuja is right here.

And where

all the other training is,

the distance between it,

it's a seven-hour drive.

So that's kind of showing...

What we talked

about earlier in the week

is they don't really see

the need for us to be there.

So we kind of have

to develop the model

and show them

what we can provide.

Basically this is not

the Nigerian Army's idea.

That's right.

This is us suggesting...

heavily suggesting

that they up their game

when it comes

to their schoolhouse training

and everything else.

They got guys

that can't even really hold

a weapon correctly,

and they're getting wiped out

by !sis West Africa,

so that's the importance

by at least building

a baseline soldier

for you to actually

potentially partner with

in the future.

Isaac's military advisors

are in their final round

of tactical

and cultural training

before their deployments

to Africa.

-Incoming!

-Incoming!

Let's go!

Get the g*n! Get the g*n!

With all aspects

of training on schedule,

I'll be meeting Isaac

in Tunisia in about a month.

Before that, I'll be flying

to Morocco to join Joe

for the biggest African

joint military exercise

of the year.

Everything is going perfectly.

g*dd*mn,

my shoulders are f*cking sore.

But after this perfect day,

I get some terrible news.

I just got a text message

from my ex-wife.

Every household should be ready

to hunker down for three months.

What the f*ck?

I mean, three f*cking months.

Three f*cking months.

This is gonna destroy

small businesses.

f*cking destroy them.

It's not going

to be three months.

Africa was closed.

As disappointed as I was,

I was determined to be there

for Isaac's departure.

If a soldier got COVID,

they would not be allowed

to deploy.

With the risk of flying

too great, I opted to drive.

This is the last deployment

my brothers are probably

ever gonna do.

I'm not gonna be able

to give them a hug goodbye.

His family's not here

because of COVID-19.

Oh, man. That's like the most

heart-wrenching thing ever.

I don't know how to describe it.

And you just hope that you

can see the person again.

Just trying to hold on to that.

Yeah, you try to hold on

to it, but you can't.

You try real hard, though.

Oh.

You're supposed to be there

during the hard times,

during the low times.

That's when you're needed.

That's when it's important.

That's why you got married.

You would think with

repetition, it gets easier.

It actually gets harder

because the emotional toll

that these things take on you

has a cumulative effect.

So... it hits me too, you know.

It gets harder and harder

to say goodbye each time.

What would you want Hunter

to know about you

if you didn't make it?

I loved her and her mother

more than...

any man should

ever love anything.

It was really rough for her.

And Logan was sad.

But he's only 11 now,

so he didn't remember

the last time very well.

This is the first time

Samantha's really seen it.

Samantha doesn't even

know what's going on, right?

She knows I'm gonna

be gone for a while.

She's not happy.

It's my little girl.

Professionally,

it's still exciting,

and this is

a new type of mission,

so that's even more interesting.

But personally, it's much worse.

Family's the real

tough part, though.

I mean,

I'm 20 years in at this point,

and as I reflected on it

when I crossed

that 20-year threshold,

that was also

20 years of marriage.

I look back,

and the amount of sacrifice

I have asked my wife to make...

Is kind of gut-wrenching, man.

The secret to our success

is Jen.

I married somebody

that's probably better

than I deserved.

Despite a worldwide pandemic,

now was the time to reconnect

with my friends from Iraq,

beginning with Jason Grundy

in Virginia.

While embedded in Iraq,

a convoy was hit with an IED.

Once it knocked me down

and my ears

were ringing extremely bad,

I couldn't hear anything

out of my left ear.

I met Jason Grundy who,

if the shrapnel had landed

six inches lower in his neck,

would have died.

I took off my helmet,

sat it in my lap,

and I noticed

my helmet had a hole in it.

And then I looked

on the inside and I realized

that the hole inside

had bulged out

and it just barely

stopped the shrapnel

from penetrating

all the way through.

-Did its job.

-Yeah, it did.

I mean, I kind of looked at it

as falling off a horse.

I knew that if I didn't

get up there right away,

it was a good chance

I might get a little g*n shy.

I just basically needed

to get back into it

and feel comfortable

up there again.

Jason would learn years later

that that incident

had caused

traumatic brain injury.

Jason got a divorce and suffered

a tragic parachuting accident,

forcing him to retire

before he wanted to.

It was a pretty tough pill

to swallow,

realizing that I wasn't going

to be able to continue

my military career anymore.

And that's when

I started going to school

in Fayetteville.

How did you meet Jason?

Well, um...

How should I start? Um...

He was my student,

and it's not as bad

as it sounds.

I know it sounds terrible.

She was the one

that went to the front

of the classroom saying,

"Hi. My name's Lisa Tripp.

I'm your professor."

And it was like,

"Oh, sh*t, she's hot."

So I guess that's kind

of one of the best things

about using your G.I. Bill

is you're the same age

as your teachers.

And a lot of the essays

that he would write

was about his time

in the military

which, you know, was

very fascinating to me.

So I'd always

ask him questions about it.

And, you know, that's sort

of how our friendship began.

About halfway

through the semester,

I kept getting 100%

on all my papers,

which I knew couldn't be right.

So it was about two weeks

prior to the end

of the semester.

He had sent me a text

asking if I wanted to go take

a walk with him

with his dog at the time, Bear.

And so I was like, "Okay."

And...

So that was that.

Then he asked

to cook dinner for me,

and it was like...

Honestly, when I think about it,

when I went over there that day,

it was like I never left.

I had her come over

for dinner one night,

and she's never left.

All right.

Lisa brought me

some of Jason's essays.

So this one

was just a real short one

about special operations.

I haven't even seen this

since I wrote this, so, um...

"I was assigned

to 3rd Ranger Battalion

of the 75th Ranger Regiment,

Fort Benning, Georgia.

My government-issued pager

woke me up,

and I was ordered into work.

It was September 11th of 2001.

On my drive into work,

I was listening to the radio,

and I couldn't believe

what I was hearing.

My unit happened to be on call,

where we were technically

the world's SWAT team.

When something was messed up,

we were the ones

who received the call.

We flew low altitude

over the Arabian Sea

and into Afghani airspace.

The time was approximately 0130,

and we were flying at about

400 feet above the ground.

And then the green light

turned on

and we jumped into the darkness

onto an enemy airfield and

t*rror1st training compound.

Since September 11, 2001,

every night that we go to sleep,

we can guarantee

that brave men are up

and hunting those

that are trying to harm us

and prevent our way of life.

I may no longer be

a part of that anymore,

and it absolutely kills me,

"but I will always respect

and look up to those men."

It was one of

the worst jumps that I had.

I mean, as soon

as I exited the aircraft,

my helmet got caught,

kind of flipped back.

And, of course, I'm thinking

this really sucks

'cause we're going

to do a combat mission.

I'm not going to have a helmet

to put my night vision on.

And, I mean, it was just

the first mission really

that the United States did

that was direct action

following 9/11.

So, I mean, historically,

most of the times

when Ranger regiment

jumped into an airfield,

we had quite a few casualties.

So, um, the two guys

that were k*lled that night

was in a helicopter crash.

And once

we completed the mission,

they huddled us around

and told us that we had

two rangers

that were k*lled that night.

It was just like

you're at an all-time high

and then

you just come crashing down.

And it was, you know...

Later that day,

we had a...

um...

a memorial on the airfield

where they're

carrying him back out, and...

It's... It sucks.

So, um, literally,

their very first mission,

it's kind of something

that exposed to and, uh...

Yeah. It's still hard.

I still talk to one

of the guy's mom.

She's still very active in,

you know...

Being a Gold Star mother,

she comes to like

all the Ranger events still

to carry on

her son Chris's memory.

I enjoyed

my job in the military,

but, I mean, it was

obviously a risky business.

Absolutely. Are you gonna

give that to your sons?

Yeah. It's staying

in the family, obviously.

Yeah. Yeah, they're definitely

headed down that path.

The four Grundys

are living in Virginia,

and Jason

is working as a contractor

training military personnel.

-You love your job?

-Absolutely.

-It's a dream job.

-Yeah?

It's that connection of what

I missed about getting out.

You might not be the one

that's going out

on the objective,

but you're still

in that coach, teacher,

mentor, advisor role

to be able to help soldiers.

Do you think

what you're teaching them

might save their life one day?

Keeping you in the fight

and putting you in the fight

to improve your lethality

is definitely going to help

your chances of returning.

Basically what

you've learned over there,

give that experience

to soldiers.

That might be

the first time deploying.

This is a report that we got.

They're staging

in this Syrian town over here

and they're coming

across the border.

There was

no specific grid given.

The guy who's doing this

lives in Rabit,

so we're assuming that they

come across here, you know,

enter into Rabit and then

on to the rest of the country.

They're not used to working

side by side with females.

Guys just say stuff.

I mean, I've heard

some of the most...

horrible things.

And at first, you know,

it was kind of like they had

to get used to "is it okay

if I still say that?"

And I had

to get used to the "whoa."

You know, like the shock factor.

But luckily I don't

get offended very easily.

I don't really, you know...

I don't care.

Say what you want to say.

So it was really just kind

of finding that comfort level.

And now if you ask any of them,

I'm just one of the guys,

you know.

I'm not a chick.

I'm just one of the guys.

I just smell a little better,

so...

Being in the military,

it's kind of an honor.

It really is.

Like, that's my country.

And, yeah, my country

has problems, but...

it's still my country,

and I want to fight

and I want to fight

to protect my family.

And so how do you do something

when you come out

that means as much?

I was going to ask you

if the transition was hard

'cause for a lot of veterans

it is.

Yeah.

I actually did end up having

to go seek mental health

for depression,

for moderate depression,

'cause I didn't know how to be.

When you're in a combat zone,

you're in

that heightened stress mode,

and our bodies aren't meant

for it for long term.

So it takes a long time

to come down.

And, like, when I got back,

I couldn't sleep.

Being in large crowds, really.

I mean, I still don't like it,

but that really...

You know, you're like...

'Cause you're still on guard.

You're like, every...

Every corner is...

What is that? It's like.

No, it's a corner in a mall.

You're fine, but your brain

doesn't know that.

I think creativity is important.

It's a good outlet for me.

I like to make things.

I like the process.

It's helped me just, you know,

get it all out.

I worked at, like,

an after-school club.

Realized that I really don't

like other people's children.

"They're spoiled brats" type

of thing. It wasn't for me.

I really like working with kids

because first of all,

they do keep you on your toes.

Like, they don't care

what kind of a day

you're having.

They're having their own day

and we're along for the ride.

But they're also very honest.

The joy.

I love the joy

and then the hope.

'Cause when I first started

working with kids,

it got to the point

where it would

kind of break my heart.

I was like, you poor things.

You've got all this.

But I'm like, but no, we're

in here. We're changing it.

You know, my job is

to give you the skills to have

the best life you can have.

Ah. Bottle.

Bottle. Bottle. Ooh.

There it is.

Now, big question of the day.

Should we listen to music?

-Yes.

-Oh, thank goodness.

Disney or KIDZ BOP?

-KIDZ BOP.

-KIDZ BOP.

I had been working with this

one boy since I was a student.

He'd known me

for, like, four years.

And when I got my doctorate,

he heard somebody said,

"Hey, Dr. Jen."

He's like, "Are you gonna

give me a shot?"

I was like,

"Sir, I'm a doctor of fun."

I do think my military service

plays into my work

with the kids.

Not like one would expect.

It's not like we do,

you know, drills

and "we're gonna practice

marching today, children."

Did you pick one color

or two colors?

Two.

I think things are going great.

I'm really happy

with where I'm at.

I'm comfortable

with my situation.

I'm comfortable

with myself as a person.

You know, I think one of

the biggest things I learned

is to just stop caring so much

what other people thought.

Working with kids will

really help drive that home,

because otherwise, they'll

hurt your feelings every day.

All the guys here,

they're like my big brothers.

Overprotective big brothers.

Let me throw that out there.

And they'll be like,

"You know, that guy was,

like, looking at you,"

blah, blah, blah.

And it's getting to the point

where I just ignore it.

I don't even notice anymore.

But it did used

to kind of bother me.

Or if I notice them looking

at one of my friends,

like one of the girls

around here that I know,

I get kind of protective, too.

It's just because...

It's just that, you know,

what do they want?

They've been in Iraq for a year.

They haven't had that

for a year.

I had just made sergeant.

And, you know, so I'm in there

doing my job,

trying to train the guy

who's coming in after me,

doing all this, doing my job.

And this, in one sentence,

reduced everything I did

to just me as an object.

He said, "Our time here,

it'd be much more enjoyable

if we had beautiful ladies

like you here."

f*ck.

Like, I am out here sweating,

doing everything else

these guys are doing.

And excuse me.

What is my purpose here?

I just...

Like, that was

the one time I was offended.

I was like, "Excuse me.

You don't know me.

You don't know anything

I've done here.

Like, excuse me,

but f*ck you."

'Cause it was demoralizing,

and it's dehumanizing.

It's like, "I am not just

some plaything for your fancy.

I did a good job here."

Now that I've

completely flipped,

the idea of working

with adults disgusts me.

I'm like, "Oh, God.

People. Adults. No."

So, like, yeah,

I couldn't see myself

working with anybody else.

Like, I love working with kids.

If he comes back through,

we're k*lling him.

If he comes back through,

we're sh**ting him.

Me and Frank

are very much alike,

which is probably why

I didn't like him at first.

He's definitely a loner.

He's got no wife, no kids.

I think he's pushing 30.

He's one of the few people...

I mean, I'll listen.

I value everybody's

opinion here to an extent.

But I would follow him anywhere.

I trust him that much.

I was talking to Ashman

the other night.

I needed Melissa's address to

send her a Christmas present.

You know how many

Christmas presents I bought

for any girl

in the last three years?

None. I break up

with them in October.

I was just gonna pull

the standard flowers.

You can't buy flowers

for f*cking Christmas.

The f*ck you can't.

You can't buy a girl flowers

for Christmas.

You can do whatever the hell

you want with flowers.

You don't buy girl flowers

for f*cking Christmas.

If you have limited options,

yes, you can.

When he first met me, he

was like, "I was in a movie."

I'm like, "Oh, you were?"

I was like... I thought this

was a line. I'm like, "Okay."

He's like, "But I don't

want anyone to know about it."

And I'm like, what is

this guy talking about?

I'm like, he's telling me

he's in a movie,

but he doesn't want anyone

to know about it.

So he's secretly

hinting that he wants me

to go and figure out

how to watch It.

Relationships are tough,

so it took me a long time

to find the right person.

From the moment I met him,

I felt a really great

connection with him.

And he just... And I tell

him this all the time.

He makes me

a better person every day.

Well, my mom died, like,

six years ago.

So when me and Danielle

got married,

she had, um... she had a picture

printed up and framed

of my mom and me

when I was younger.

And she was like, "I know

your mom can't be here,

so I brought you this

to have with you for the day."

And I thought I knew right

then and there, I was like,

that's super nice thing.

No one's ever done

anything that nice.

Just that thought I knew I was

making the right decision.

'Cause you're not really

a sn*per

until you get a k*ll.

Like, I wanted one,

and then when I got one,

I wanted another.

You know, you kind of feel bad

in a way, you know.

Not that you feel bad

for the guy.

It's just not

an everyday, normal thing

of blowing someone away

or sh**ting someone.

I think by the time we left,

I think me and Mongo

calculated it.

Between Presto, Dan, and I,

I think the whole team

maybe had like 240 kills.

I saw the guy. He had an AK.

Did you get him?

Roger.

When I came home, I actually

saw a VA counselor...

Uh-huh.

Maybe, like,

I don't know, 20 times.

And she was like, "Ah,"

you know.

She was like, "Okay."

I wasn't sleeping well,

and, you know, I wasn't having

flashbacks or anything,

but I was just not

sleeping well.

And she was like, "Okay,"

well, you know,

where I wasn't

really communicating

with certain people well.

What if you shot a kid?

Is he a bad guy?

Had no problem.

"He's a bad guy. No problem."

-What if it was a good guy?

-Accident?

-Yeah.

-Hmm.

Well, I mean, I wouldn't

sh**t anyone by accident.

We pretty much confirm every

shot that he's a bad guy.

If he was a kid?

He's not a kid like back home.

From what he's told me,

he's been in a million

stressful situations.

And I know this is a different

type of stressful situation,

but it's helped him handle

this type of stress at home

with everything

that's going on with Ryan.

Ryan has CDKL5, a rare

neurodevelopmental disorder.

It's a mission every day.

I give her meds.

It's not working.

And then the mission

is she goes to bed,

and the mission's not quite over

because someone has to keep

an eye on her on camera.

Even though the cameras record,

you still have to kind of keep

an eye on her on camera

in case you have

to give her a rescue mat

if she has a bad seizure.

He is the best dad.

I-I-I couldn't imagine myself

being a mother

to begin with

and then having Ryan

and then seeing him

and the way that he is with

Ryan and how loving and caring

and just how he is

with her, like, it's just...

He's the best father.

We want her to get older.

She's gonna be in

a wheelchair, non-vertebral.

We're not even gonna

send her to school.

But you don't want her to die.

It's a really bad disease.

Doctors said,

you know, you get cancer,

either they fix it

or they don't.

This, it only can get worse.

I know that life's challenging

right now.

All in all, are you

pretty happy right now?

Yeah, I'd be happy.

I mean, I'd be happier

if my daughter

wasn't sick, but for...

There's nothing

I can do about that.

There's a possible deployment

to Africa in 2022.

And, you know, I would like

to make sergeant major.

And the benefits are great.

For Ryan, they're great.

But it would be tough

to leave her with Ryan.

And there's...

Like I said, there's so much...

There's only

so much little time.

You know, she could die tonight.

It's definitely the hardest

battle I've ever been through.

We're back on the road,

driving through upstate New York

to see my nephew Quentin.

Quentin is

a specialist in the Army

and the only son

of my brother Thad.

Hey, man.

No touching.

-How you doing, man?

-Good. How are you?

-Good to see you, man.

-Good to see you, too.

How has this experience

changed you?

I think it's changed me

a decent amount.

It's definitely kind

of made me more responsible.

It's kind of taught me

how to take pride in my work.

Can you do that?

You're going crazy, dude.

You're, like,

the coolest now, Quentin.

Look. You fixed that.

Isn't that cool?

I definitely became the

coolest customer right there.

Oh, my word.

Do you know

who drives that truck?

-Who?

-Quentin drives that truck.

So, do you think Isaac and

Joe's service played any part

in you wanting

to be in the military?

Yeah. I really looked up

to both of them a lot.

Watching the first movie,

seeing what they actually did,

it kind of blew

my mind a little bit.

I've done a lot of interviews,

but just there's something

about looking out,

and it's you.

What I'm thinking about

is I just like I miss that.

I miss my brother. And I

see you and I just see him.

Yeah. Yeah, I miss him, too.

Who's this?

-This is Thad.

-Thad Rademacher?

Yeah. Jacob's...

One and only?

-Brother.

-Predecessor?

He already was showing

signs of being bipolar

even when he was little.

He reminded me

of a hero in a Greek play

with a flaw that he just

could not overcome.

It was just...

tragic, you know,

in the true sense of the word.

I didn't protect him from

the drugs and the stupid crap

that he wanted

to do with his life.

I didn't convince him

that it was

against his best interest.

It was a very

traumatic moment for me

seeing him on the couch,

not breathing,

having to perform CPR.

Uh, that was probably

the most traumatic moment

of my entire life.

Nothing's topped that so far.

All the things

I've been in over Iraq.

I grew up with Thad.

I spent lots and lots

of time with him.

It hurts a lot to lose

a fellow soldier, but...

nothing hurts as bad

as watching your brother die.

I think part of me really

felt kind of betrayed

or kind of gypped, in a sense.

Was that was I not,

you know, important enough,

you know, in a sense,

to, you know, maybe not make

the decisions that he made?

Like, I didn't get, you know...

the full, you know, experience

with him.

I'm sorry, man.

That's all right.

Oh, f*ck.

We all tried to help him, man.

-I know.

-We all tried.

You know, for all of us,

it was awesome that...

that you were there, you know.

'Cause it was like

a part of him lived on in you.

So...

Honestly, you've

turned out better than him.

Do you know what I mean by that?

No. Tell me.

I mean, we are a culmination

of our choices in life,

and you've made

better choices than him.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

And if he was here today,

he'd be very proud of you.

And I don't know

how spiritual you are.

Are you spiritual at all?

Uh...

I think a little bit.

Kind of in my own way. Yeah.

Yeah?

I think I kind of find myself

talking more to him

than anything, you know.

-Talking to who?

-To Dad.

Yeah?

You're all we have left of him.

They call me Big Ern.

Uh, they started calling me that

about two years ago

when I came to the company.

So I like it, you know.

Soldiers have personal problems,

they can come talk to me.

A lot of people have gifts.

My gift is helping people.

-Give me a hug.

-Oh, my God, man, Jake.

We are all family.

We don't have to fight

this fight alone.

We are here.

One of the reasons

why I never changed my

cell phone number since 2005

is because

I have friends out here

that might need me one day.

And it might not be

for anything professional.

It might not be

for anything, you know,

more than just to say,

"Biggie, can you just...

can I talk to you just for,

like, five minutes?"

And I want them to know

that you can do that.

Just pick it up.

I'll be right here.

I thought this was a moment in

my life where I wanted a dog.

And I felt like it was

a point in my life

where I was kind of alone,

and I had went through

something that was just like...

That was just real tough.

Like, it was just real tough.

And at the same time,

it was my last deployment.

The struggle that I had

in the beginning was...

that I couldn't wear

my uniform no more,

and I couldn't get up,

go to my job.

I couldn't help people no more.

I couldn't say I'm a part

of that family anymore.

This is one of my first jobs

in my transition

from being a soldier.

Did you get this job

during the pandemic?

Yes. I was a front line worker.

That was, like, the perfect

thing for me to do.

I still want

to be a part of, like,

the solution

and try to help people,

but I'm not a medical person,

so I couldn't go to a hospital

and just start

giving people vaccinations

and trying to help diagnose it

and then try to figure out

what's going on

with this whole pandemic thing.

So I figured I was just like,

I'm a logistics guy.

-How are you?

-How are you doing?

Oh, my God.

It's so good to see you.

I know a lot of people

got scared,

and they kind of confined

themselves to the house

because rightfully so,

that's what they want.

A lot of people

wanted to do, you know,

and it was the safest thing

to do, you know,

to try to keep

everybody safe, you know,

but me, like, I've always been

in harm's way,

so this is perfect, you know?

And at the same time, you're

still helping the community.

I think my most vivid memory

is the camaraderie,

just being with my guys.

When I left, I told them

my main purpose is not supply.

My main purpose is not

property accountability.

My main purpose

is to get my guys home safe

and alive in one piece.

I hate buying these.

How do you tell,

like, your buddy

who just took his own life,

and you tell, you have to...

You're trying to find a way

to tell his wife and his

daughter "I'm so sorry."

How do you do that?

You know?

This is from

Christopher McDonald.

He said,

"Dear friends and family,"

if you are reading this,

I am not on earth anymore.

It is no one's fault but my own.

I have been dealing

with my mental health

since Iraq and Afghanistan.

I have been depressed

for over a decade

with no hope of recovery.

I was not able

to defeat my demons.

Dad, I love you so much.

You raised me to be

a great man and a hero.

Mom, I know you have not been

in my life that much as a kid,

but I love you so much as well.

Sarah, you have been

the best sister

that I could ever wish for.

Courtney, thank you for

being a great friend to me.

Sylvia and Caroline,

I love you with all my heart,

and I will always love you both.

Never forget that.

Never think that this

was ever your fault.

I wish I could have been

a better husband

and a better father to you both.

I will be looking after you

in the afterlife.

Please believe that.

I will be in the front yard

as I don't want my apartment

to be bloody.

I wish to be cremated

and my ashes spread over

my grandparents' grave.

Please use the money

for the accounts

to pay off my cremation and

send the rest to my daughter

if there's anything left.

Thank you to the EOD community.

You have tried

your best to help me.

10-26-1998 to 7-8-2021.

"32 years on this earth."

Whole list of numbers

after that.

No one made it on time.

There are no words

to ease your pain right now

at this very moment

after losing Chris.

What I can tell you

is that Chris

was an amazing soldier,

friend, and a great man.

The world is a little

less happy without him.

But I can say it was

my honor and my privilege

to have known him,

served with him,

and more importantly,

call him my brother.

God bless your hearts with all

my deepest sympathy and love.

Ernest Ward.

We are in Utila, Honduras,

on the back of...

I don't even know what

you call it. A motorcycle?

It's insane right now.

Yeah. We're on an island

in the rain.

We're the only two guys

that made it

out of the entire group.

Just myself and Robert.

All the veterans aren't here.

I'm out of this thing, man.

Coming in. That's him.

Chris Mackay

is part of a three-man team

from Sheep Dog

Impact Assistance.

-Good to see you again.

-We show up, man.

This guy right here.

-How you doing?

-Good, good.

-You good now?

-Yeah, yeah.

My family reached out.

The mother was hurting.

You know,

I've been there before.

He, uh...

He was isolating himself,

you know, substance abuse.

I was there.

And so we put together

a small mission

to come to Utila and try

and engage this young veteran.

Thought it best to bring

a couple young soldiers

about his age,

similar traumas in their lives

through their service

and other parts of their life.

They medically retired me,

which was devastating.

Um, I just did the best thing

I could ever do in life,

and now what do I do, you know?

That's how I wanted to go out.

I mean, which is funny,

because it's kind

of like Lieutenant Dan

in "Forrest Gump," you know,

"Damn it, Forrest, I'm

supposed to die here, right?

This is what I'm supposed to do.

This is my life. This is me."

And I invested so much

of myself into the military

that it was hard to let go.

And I hadn't really let go of it

until, you know, recently,

joining Sheep Dog

and, you know,

going to the warrior path.

You don't want to be

a professional veteran

your whole life.

I met Chris Mackay

on a long-range

surveillance mission

out to the Syrian border

in 2005.

This is f*cking awesome, dude.

My niece, both of my nieces,

they're gonna have a life.

And it's because me

being over here

that they're gonna be able

to continue their life.

You know?

Same with, like, you know,

if you have kids

or anybody else has kids,

I mean, we're out here for them.

You know, we work for them.

Is it worth it

if it costs your life?

Yeah, it'd be worth it.

That's why I'm here.

I give my life

for America any day.

Wouldn't think twice.

All right, put it on "safe."

These guys out here,

I'm gonna know them

for the rest of my life.

You spend so much time

out here with them,

you get to know 'em.

They almost become brothers,

so you have a new family.

Chris came home

from a successful

one-year deployment

with new brothers in arms.

Unfortunately, no one

came to his homecoming.

They chose me to be a leader,

a team leader on some

of these outdoor adventures.

So what's cool about it is,

you know,

I kind of found a purpose now.

You know, for many years,

I sat there and didn't...

didn't think, you know...

I thought

kind of my life was over.

The best thing I could do

is serve my country,

and I did that.

Just kind of felt worthless

for a long time, you know.

Fell into that victim hood.

I'm sitting there wallowing

in my own pity. Not healthy.

That's great that you've come

to that place in your life.

Yeah. I needed it.

Hell, I was suicidal,

you know, and when I say that,

I don't mean it like,

you know, just moping along

and, you know, doing...

It's just like I felt

like, well, this is it,

you know. This is all...

I kind of did my thing.

He was so low.

He said he looked over

and saw his g*n sitting there,

and he thought

he was going to use it.

Take me through

and help me understand

what it's like

to be in that state.

What's going on?

Have you ever been

in a river or a pond?

Or just a lake or anything?

And you go underwater

and you open your eyes,

you see sediment,

this greenish algae tint.

You don't see anything.

It's not clear.

If you go down too deep,

it gets darker, gets colder.

You feel alone.

You can't see.

You need someone to stick

their arm in the water.

You need someone

to grab you, pull you up.

Helping others helps you heal

from some of your own trauma

and experiences in life.

And the effort alone

a lot of times

is really where it begins.

If I was able to help

one Sheep Dog, you know,

from k*lling themselves

on this next outdoor mission

that we have,

I could quit and feel like

I've accomplished

what I've wanted to do.

Walked into

a problem with Andre.

Apparently,

he has been drinking too much,

which is part of why we're here.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-I was wondering

whether he was going to be in

a good place or a bad place.

Apparently, he's in a bad place.

Scott, Lance, and Chris set

off to locate the veteran.

Once they find him, Chris and

Scott go in to talk to him.

He promises

he'll come and teach Scott

how to scuba dive

the next morning,

Unfortunately, the veteran,

an expert scuba diver,

doesn't show.

If he's not wanting

to come out with us

and he's not wanting

to make contact with us,

he's not ready.

So until he's ready,

until he's hit rock bottom,

there's nothing

that we can do for him

besides try what we've tried.

Bees, they believe

in the hive, right?

If a bee gets a chemical on them

or they feel like

something's wrong with them,

like they got something on them,

they won't return to the hive.

They will get further away

as to not poison the hive.

And I think some of

our veterans is the same way.

They just sometimes

unfortunately go off and die,

which is what the bee does,

because they don't want

to put that on somebody else.

And a lot of our soldiers

and our first responders,

they feel that way.

You know,

nobody wants to be a burden.

When you're ready,

we're here for you.

And if that literally

means us coming back,

you know,

and walking you on that plane,

we'll come down and we'll do it.

The veteran reached out

three months later

and left the island.

If Chris can do it,

you can do it.

If anybody's seen

some darkness...

I've seen some pretty

dark days in my life, and...

I'm getting a little

emotional here because, man,

I don't want to see people

that way.

It kills me...

When I see somebody hurting...

If something happens to me,

I can deal with it.

I think what's worse is

seeing someone else hurt.

I went to a warrior path, and

one of the things I found out

that I was still angry about,

and one of the things I really

needed to talk about and

kind of get off my chest was,

you know, child molestation

when I was a kid.

You know, I was molested

as a child for years,

and I was really ashamed

and upset about that,

and it made me...

It... It did something to me

to where I was just...

I didn't want to live anymore.

When I started scuba diving

and I really

started getting into it,

it was because I got

underwater and it was quiet.

And you just concentrate

on your breathing,

and you're floating there,

just floating, suspended.

Nothing hurt.

It just felt such a peace

breathing in and out.

Hey, Mr. Fish, what you doing?

I don't feel like

I'm gonna spin out of control

like I used to.

In bad days, yes.

But I don't think

it's gonna be as bad

as the storms

I've already encountered.

And I think the ones

that are in my future,

I should be able to weather.

What's your favorite memory?

What's your favorite thing

you'd like to share with me?

I think it would be this

moment here, because...

I feel it's...

a great validation that I'm

moving in the right direction,

that someone would be

interested in what I'm doing

and where I'm going.

I think it's

a breath of fresh air

to know that people still care

what's going on.

So I think ultimately my

favorite moment would be now.

I'm not usually one who's

at a loss for words, Chris.

Congratulations.

Wow.

I told y'all I was going

to look very different

than you saw me last time.

Well, you're all

the same right here.

Yeah, this is...

This... This never changes.

These eyebrows.

They never change, ever.

I don't think there's

any more of a rush

than coming at the earth

at 120-plus miles an hour

from 18,000 feet.

It's just crazy.

I'm gonna give you

a couple bits of information.

-All right?

-All right.

-Number one, have fun.

-That should be easy.

Number two, I'm gonna give you

a whole lot of information.

Don't try to memorize it.

You dive with your sunglasses?

-Yeah.

-Oh.

I feel like I have

a passion for teaching

and mentoring people

in the military and

civilian side of skydiving.

-Hang on!

-Hell, yeah!

Heads up! Heads up!

-How was it?

-It was awesome, dude.

I think being under parachute

is kind of like my therapy.

You know? it's peaceful.

I get to have a crazy amount

of excitement,

and then I get to have a whole

three to five minutes of peace.

And then I get to do it

all over again.

I know a lot of people

call military people

adrenaline junkies,

but they're not always wrong.

I mean,

like when you were in Iraq,

man, we went out on mission.

There was that level

of anxiety, you know,

that we could get shot at

at any moment of time.

And then

when we got back to base,

it's like, "Okay, let's eat.

Let's relax."

And then you do it

all over again, right?

It's f*cking hot.

-So last full day.

-Sweet.

What time they picking us up?

-We got like 10 hours left?

-About.

-But who's counting?

-I am.

These guys ain't doing so bad.

Me personally,

I got the shits right now.

I'm sucking really bad.

One of the first times

I ever jumped with Sammy

after he came

out of free-fall school...

So you got this person

that's 240 pounds falling

and a couple of guys

that are not 200 pounds.

And Sammy is about

as far spread out as he could,

trying to look up at us

with these big-a*s eyes.

And he's going like this

seemingly like he's trying

to flap to get up higher to us

because he would just fall

like a damn safe, man.

Kind of like the ACME,

you know, Coyote, Road Runner.

And you see the safe just...

That's what Sammy felt like.

It was so funny.

We laughed and then...

We laughed.

It's a good time.

Remember Sammy Hairston?

He was k*lled last year.

-What was he like as a guy?

-Best kind.

Couldn't ask for a better

person, better friend.

Sammy and I were best friends.

It was rough. It was rough.

So the day that he found out,

he just looked at me,

and I knew instantly

there was something wrong.

I didn't know what.

And I just knew there

was something wrong.

And then...

Something like,

"What's wrong?"

And he's like, "Seven died."

And he just crumbled.

Completely crumbled.

He crumpled.

It was the first time

I ever saw him cry and...

probably the hardest

I have ever seen him cry.

It can still be

an issue, obviously,

even though it was...

seven years ago now,

about to be seven years.

Had a friend back home make

fun of me for watching this.

She's like, "That's just wrong.

A bunch of grown men sitting

around watching 'The O.C.'"

If Sammy was smiling,

nobody in the room

could hold a straight face.

He had that kind of aura.

He would take the worst of

situations and crack a joke,

and everybody knew they

were going to get through it.

Out of all the ones

that we lost...

none of them hurt more

than Sam Hairston.

None of them.

A substantial loss.

Tremendous guy.

Isaac named his daughter

after Sammy.

Yeah. Samantha.

Isaac was serving in Afghanistan

when Sammy was k*lled there.

I put our Ranger tabs

on the casket for Sammy

because we felt that that...

Sammy epitomized

what a Ranger is.

And then we rendered our salutes

and knelt with him for a minute

and then we sent him on his way.

I think it's undervalued,

and people need more

of a reminder

of what

Memorial Day weekend is for.

The moment that really struck me

was you were on one knee,

and you're caressing

the face of the Iraqi soldier

at the back of your hand.

I was kind of blown away,

frankly, and I pushed in.

And I would almost call it,

like, grace on earth.

It was one of these moments in

life where you're just like...

What was going through

your mind in that moment?

I'm sorry.

I don't know

where that came from.

It's just, uh...

Oh, sh*t.

You know,

when you talk about it...

You know,

I don't talk about it often.

You know, he's mine.

You know, uh...

He's-He's-He's my soldier.

All I can do is look at him

and say,

"Hey, ZN, you're good."

And I'm trying to comfort him

and let him know,

"Hey, you're gonna be

all right."

Why do you not talk

about that part of it much?

It's just easier.

It's easier to talk about,

you know, to whitewash over it

and just say, "Oh, yeah,

b*ll*ts are flying."

It's just because

that's that... I don't know.

For lack of a better word,

that's that intimate moment

you have with that guy

who's hurt real bad.

That's 15 years ago. I'd never

talked to anybody about it.

I'd always just

quickly brush through it.

Now talking to you about it

and, you know, what it meant,

it hurts.

It's just the way it is.

You wouldn't be human

if it didn't.

You just hope that everything

worked out

for them on their end.

Yeah.

On patrol today,

when we were ambushed,

all the soldiers from Company 2

performed like professionals.

If I fall down

and get hurt or die,

I expect you to fight

and not get emotional,

but to keep fighting

and keep your wits.

We freed those citizens,

so it was well worth it.

That was part of the stuff

that I didn't want my son

to have to go through.

I didn't want any of my sons.

I didn't want them

going through this.

That's why I told people

and they said,

"Oh, geez, how many

deployments you can make?"

I said I'll make

as many as it takes

to see this through to the end

so none of my sons have to go.

And lo and behold,

my youngest son,

he made four deployments,

you know,

and he was in Afghanistan twice.

So I didn't want that.

No parent does.

I'm 40-something years old,

but still to my parents,

I'm that little kid

running around out back.

You know, you always hear

the audible crack

as the round's breaking

a sound barrier by you.

A round came so close to me,

it passed by my face.

I'm running like this,

holding on to my weapon.

I'm running.

And it came so close to my face

that as the b*llet's

going through,

there's a cone of air

that it's pushing.

And that cone of air

wiped across my face

and the audible crack

of the round

breaking the sound barrier.

Of course to me it sounded

like a frigging grenade.

It was so close to me

and I felt that air.

And I immediately got

almost like this sick feeling

for that split second.

And I just...

I kind of tensed up

and froze and turned my head.

And that's

when the second round hit me.

And it hit me right here

on the cheekbone.

And it came out

right up here on my nose

and tore my lip down.

And I don't know how long

I was laying on the ground.

So then I started to hear stuff,

and the guy said,

"Are you hit?"

And I heard him say,

"Get him."

And these two big Marines,

they just came running out,

you know, and, uh...

It's one of those things

that, you know,

when I saw him coming, I was

just like, "Oh, thank God."

You know, these guys

are gonna come get me.

And, you know,

they grabbed me up, you know,

like I was a sack of potatoes.

And they just dragged my a*s

back in there.

The British medevac came in.

They put a new dressing

across here.

I'm just sitting there.

A little bit of blood

and stuff's coming out,

but I'm swallowing it

because I'm thinking,

I don't want to spit all this

blood out on the aircraft.

What an idiot.

So I'm swallowing the blood

as we're going.

And there's another medical

officer. It's a female,

and she's making sure

that I'm comfortable,

and he's doing the same thing.

And then he reaches over

and he pulls

my Mickey Mouse ears off.

And he says, "Are you okay?"

I'm like, "Yeah, I'm good."

And I wasn't good 'cause

the adrenaline's gone now,

and my body's saying,

"Hey, this is f*cking crazy.

Get some sh*t in you."

But I'm sitting there saying,

"There's a female right here.

I gotta bow up."

I can't be a sissy.

Stupidest thing ever.

So I'm just sitting there,

and I told the master sergeant

that I wanted someone

from my unit to call my wife.

I didn't want her to have

somebody show up in uniform,

because initial shock of that

would be like,

"Holy sh*t, he's gone."

You know?

I just want my wife.

I wanted her

to walk through the door.

I open the door and I walk in,

and there's my wife.

And she tells me

when she saw me walk

through the door, she said...

She said, "The only reason

I knew it was you

is because

the way you walked."

She said,

"Your face was not you."

But she said, "The way you

walked, I knew it was you."

So she gave me a hug,

and it was awesome, you know.

And I was just so happy

I was home.

And she's never failed me.

How has this experience

getting shot?

How has this experience

changed you as a person?

I don't... I don't care

about the small stuff anymore.

Doesn't bother me anymore.

Something happens,

something's gotta be fixed,

it's like, no big deal.

We'll fix it. This happens,

I would take care of that.

That's why when I retired,

I said not working no more.

The only work I got now

is just, you know,

make sure she's happy

and, you know, try and show

her how much she means to me,

you know,

for as long as I got left.

I'll see you guys

when you get back.

When these guys

go out on their mission,

I know if I give them

bad information,

they might not come back at all.

If I gave somebody

bad information and they died

because of it, I'm the one

at fault, you know.

And I'm the one

that has to live with that.

Politics was already way too

far into what we were doing,

and then to pull us out

before it was even over

was one of the... in my view,

it was one of

the biggest political mistakes

that we could make.

I mean, look what happened.

We left, and al-Qaeda and Iraq

turned into !sis.

And !sis

took over Iraq years later

and spread into Syria.

It became a powder keg.

And it got us

to where we are today,

which is no better

than where we were.

And that started

with the decision of 2010.

That sealed the deal for me.

I said I'm done.

No way am I going back.

I was angry

after the last deployment.

I became bitter.

And I made the decision then

that I was done

with Iraq and Afghanistan.

Kevin deployed

seven times to Iraq

as the chief intel officer

for elite units,

sometimes for up to 15 months.

And it's sad,

because I felt like it gave me

a greater purpose,

like I was helping.

Like, what I was doing mattered.

The t*rrorists

attacked my house.

They k*lled my brother.

They shot another my brother.

They burned the house.

They do the bad stuff.

Because they know

I work with America

because I want freedom

for my country.

When we abandoned

the Kurds for the Turks

and took the Turk side,

I was so personally pissed off

by the decision

that I took this

off the f*cking wall

and threw it on the ground.

And shattered it.

Those are the same guys

that have been helping us

get rid of !sis.

A lot of the ups and downs

of marrying a vet

when you're, you know,

struggling with someone

who has seen things that he's

even yet to tell me about,

um, you go into a minefield

and you don't know

where you're dancing.

While giving me a ride

in his retirement gift,

a 1968 Stingray,

he asked me

about my brother Isaac.

They decided to review him

in December.

And the commanding general,

he ranked

all 59 SFAB commanders.

And he said, "Colonel Rademacher

is the number one

out of 59 SFAB commanders."

And guys below him got promoted,

but Isaac didn't get

picked up for...

What the f*ck, man?

You gotta be kidding me.

So he sent us all

a text message, like,

a week and a half ago saying,

"I didn't make it.

My career's over."

'Cause I guess

you only get three looks

and there's no appeal system.

There's no f*cking way.

That is criminal, dude.

Oh, my God.

My dad answered

my question once.

He was like,

"Are you gonna get out?"

"I don't know. I don't know

if I could stay in."

He's like,

"The caliber of person"

you're gonna be working with

in military

is better than

the caliber of person

you're gonna meet

90% of the time

"anywhere else

in the work world."

It's not bad.

It's not bad,

but it's certainly not good.

My friends here are closer

than almost any friends I've

ever had in my entire life.

My issue is my family.

I love the job, but...

there's some personal stuff

I'd like to have, too.

Not sure if I can get that

right now.

Because you're

gonna be deployed.

You're gonna be gone a year.

Home a year, gone a year,

home a year.

So it's confusing because

you're adrenaline junkie now.

You like the adrenaline rush,

but you like your family, too.

I went home,

and I think I went to the

local VFW bar or something,

and I remember going

and getting a beer there,

and there was, like,

a Vietnam vet guy,

and he was sitting there,

and he's like...

He's like,

"Oh, you just got back

from some combat, have you?"

I was like, "Yeah, dude. Like,

why are you being an a*s?"

I just want to get a beer, dude.

I don't want

to go anywhere else.

I was coming here

because I thought I, like,

"could relate to somebody."

And he goes, "Let me give you

your best piece of advice."

He goes, "Never come back here

ever again."

He goes, "If you start

coming here and drinking beers

and reliving

what you just went through,"

he says, "You're going

to be me in 30 years."

I was like, "All right, done.

Got it. Understood. I'm out."

And I thought that was

pretty cool to hear that.

Sad for him. Great for me.

I jumped in my truck

and I drove out

to Southern California.

It was surreal.

It was a weird moment.

Just on your own, finally.

But it was very sad

because I missed,

like, all my friends.

I would just run up

and down PCH or whatever it is

in Carlsbad for hours.

I didn't have a job.

I'd probably working

a lot of stuff out,

up and down all night long.

I wouldn't sleep at all.

I'd be up all night.

Why couldn't you sleep?

Just trying to figure out

where I was gonna work.

You know,

did I make a right decision?

Am I gonna fall on my face?

Am I gonna, you know...

Am I have to have to go back

to my, you know, hometown?

Um...

You know, I had no idea

what I was gonna do. None.

Hey, who is the girl

with the purple in her hair?

That woman's gorgeous.

She's like the perfect because

she's got the black eyeliner,

which is that mysterious look.

The best two women

in the show ever.

-Anna.

-Anna.

Season 1.

Perfect.

And the bartender.

My brother-in-law's like,

"I have someone

I'd like to set you up with."

And so we went

on this blind date,

and we were, like, talking

about birthdays and stuff.

You know, I said, "Oh, well,

when's your birthday?"

And he was so embarrassed.

He's like, "Today."

When we were in Joshua Tree,

it started getting dark,

and, you know, it's desert.

And he kind of started like

freaking out a little bit.

He was just like

not comfortable.

And he was starting

to feel like,

you know, reminded him of Iraq.

Everyone gets blown up or

everyone gets hit by an IED.

I got super lucky on mine.

Um, I was just luckily

behind the shield standing up.

And as soon as I saw the wire,

it was too late

and we just got rocked.

I got into it

because I needed a job

when I got out of the military,

and I didn't know if I was

going to like it or not.

And I just kept progressing

and getting a different position

and moving up

with different companies.

I fell in love with it,

and it was a lot of fun.

And it was like L.A.

It was hip. It was cool.

Like, all these architects

and designers.

Everyone's

wearing scarves inside.

You know, it's like...

You felt like... All right.

These people are pretty cool.

You know? It's a big joke.

If you see someone with a scarf,

they know what they're doing,

especially when it's June.

So over here,

we've got the timber.

Ben used his G.I. Bill

to get two masters,

including an MBA.

He has worked his way up

in the construction business.

How many partners

are there in the firm?

Just me.

So it's him and myself.

-That's it?

-Mm-hmm.

-You are so modest.

-Maybe.

Come on. He's only got

one other owner. It's you.

Hey, listen, it's cool.

I'm not... I'm not...

It's... I wouldn't turn it down.

What advice would you give

to young soldiers

coming out of the military?

To use the G.I. Bill.

You can do anything.

You can go into business.

You can start your own business.

You can be an artist.

You can go anywhere.

How would you feel

about your boys

deciding they want

to go in the military?

I hope not.

I knew you were

going to ask me that.

I don't want them to join.

I don't want them to join.

I'm not going to push it

one way or the other.

And this is more

of a political thing

where I'm not sure

I fully understand

what the mission is.

And so my biggest fear

is that my kids would end up

in the same spot I was at.

And that's...

that's frightening.

My whole family did it.

My father's like,

"All right, we're done.

The Fischers are done.

We've been in every conflict.

We're done. All right?"

My parents had come to Italy

to walk in the footsteps

of my grandfather

and my mother's uncle,

Vincent Streit,

who earned a Silver Star

for valor and died in Sicily.

So, your uncle actually

came in more of as*ault

down from this area over here...

-Okay.

-and came up

the hill right here,

right around this area.

So we are standing in the area

where he probably lost his life.

Yeah.

You look at all

the beauty around you,

you can hardly believe

what took place here.

It's just amazing.

One of the most moving moments

of my entire visit

in the cemetery

was watching those children.

Joe had told them,

"Kiss Uncle Vincent's grave,"

and they kissed his tombstone.

And then all off on their own,

they started to walk down

the rows of the cemetery

and kiss every tombstone there.

And I thought, could there be

a more moving

or touching moment?

I hope their spirit

was somewhere rejoicing

at these small children...

kissing their tombstone,

because that is what, to me,

they gave their life for

so that somebody else

would have a chance to live

a freer and better existence.

What are you going to see

a counselor about?

My anger.

-Really?

-Yeah.

Honestly, in the first film,

you weren't getting

any counseling, were you?

No.

Probably part of the reason

why my marriage failed.

I mean, there's other factors.

Trust me, there's plenty

of other factors there.

But, you know,

that was the one thing

I wised up

the second time around,

getting married,

was marriage counseling.

Been to marriage counseling.

So sometimes it works.

Sometimes it doesn't.

As you know.

I've been to counseling. Yeah.

We all got problems.

Whoever doesn't's a liar.

When did you get

traumatic brain injury?

When have I not?

-Yeah?

-Well, I mean,

It's just multiple explosions.

Multiple explosions.

Multiple bad jumps.

Multiple falls.

Multiple car accidents.

And then explosions.

You get hit with IEDs?

Yeah. IEDs. RPGs.

And then just regular door

chargers, things like that.

Were you in combat? Were you...

Yeah. I mean,

of course I'd be in combat

if I got hit by a f*cking RPG.

What kind of f*cking question

is that?

Well, tell me

a little bit about the story.

Like, what was going on?

Oh, we were just going

through a valley

and we were

all in the vehicles as a team

and then just got hit

by an RP... R... Geez. RPG. So...

Dazed and confused,

the entire truck.

Wow.

Came to. Kept fighting, so...

What do you think happened

in Afghanistan?

Us using an American solution

to an Afghanistan problem.

Investing more

into the infrastructure.

Nation building actually

is pretty critical there,

even though it's not favorable.

But if you

don't build legitimacy

in the government there...

Because they have to supply

services and security.

Right? So we were pretty good

at pulling security,

but we didn't provide services.

We didn't provide sewage. They

still don't have closed sewage

in Kabul 20 years later.

How does an Afghan

have faith in a government

if there's 25% unemployment rate

and a Taliban member

can just pay him 100 bucks

to sh**t a r*fle

at, you know, Americans?

You know, my understanding

of what we did in Afghanistan

is we used kind of a warlord,

backed him up,

knocked the Taliban

all the way back,

all the way to Pakistan,

and had kind of a good

space there for a while.

But what we didn't do

was reinforce the structure

that was already there.

That's a good point.

So you're absolutely right.

And it's funny

because my last deployment,

I actually went

to a house of a warlord

and had dinner with him.

And ever since they won,

the Northern Alliance won,

or kicked the Taliban out,

the UN has sidelined

all the warlords

because they felt that they

were too brutal or whatever.

So they basically

had to disband.

But again,

it goes back to the thing.

How has Afghanistan

as a people, as a culture,

operated their entire history?

Right? And then

we come in here and say,

"No, this is the way

you gotta do it

because we're right.

This is the way we've done it.

It'll work for you.

Just trust us."

I get concerned sometimes

that as Americans,

we're not learning from

these wars or deployments.

I feel like we should

be getting better at it

as time goes on, and sometimes

I wonder if we are.

I think, honestly, the nation

has learned a little bit.

If you look at the way

!sis was fought,

there was American troops

on the ground,

but it was a lot less.

The reason why we lost that w*r

is because we couldn't

really get after

the Taliban like we needed to.

We couldn't go into Pakistan.

It's an arbitrary line.

We're the only ones that see

that as a line in the sand.

The enemy does not.

There is no border to them.

They don't have any borders.

As I started to realize

that my military career

is gonna come to an end,

I started looking at what

am I gonna do with my life.

We both have a lifelong dream

of always having a farm

and raising our children

on that farm.

Do it organically, sustainably

'cause I care for the earth.

That's one of my big things.

I'm kind of like a tree hugger.

Even though I'm in the

military, it's kind of weird.

It's like an oxymoron,

I guess. I don't know.

But part of that's

from being in Boy Scouts,

me and Thad, you know,

being out in the woods.

I've always enjoyed nature.

It brings me back to my Zen.

What's next?

Watching my children grow up.

You know, raising vines

and making it into fine wines.

I think that's

the important thing.

I mean, the moment

you stop, like, dreaming

or growing or whatever

this moment, you're gonna die.

Tunisia was still closed

to all foreign business

and tourism.

Against all odds,

I was granted authorization

by the Minister of Culture

to join Isaac

for the last week

of his final deployment.

What I was told

is over a million Tunisians

gathered in protest,

and this became the genesis

for the entire Arab Spring

in 2011.

Tunisia was ready to embrace

this kind of change.

They've been holding elections

and putting leaders in place

that they believed in

ever since.

So they have

a functioning democracy.

What I've experienced here

is that a lot of the people

welcomed America

and enjoy working

with Americans,

while anxious to show

what they know

about American culture.

It's nice that I don't

have to k*ll people

to gain momentum in our mission.

It's really nice for once.

We're trying to scope the vision

for their military

moving forward.

Not only are we going

to help you procure

some really

state-of-the-art equipment,

we're also going

to send in an element

that can help train you

on how to best use it.

To wait until there's a problem

to introduce

ourselves someplace,

we have learned that that

is a recipe for disaster.

We need to look

toward the future.

Other superpowers

in the world are.

Are you ready

to leave all this behind?

But I don't have a choice.

If you asked me

if I was staying in

and what I wanted to do,

I could tell you

next 10, 15 years.

But I'm about to embark

on a departure

from everything I've known

for the last 25 years.

This is the end of the road.

When you look out

and you see all of them,

it's, uh, haunting.

That's the cost of freedom.

You know, I gotta tell you,

after 15 deployments

between you and Joe,

I'm glad that you guys

are not here.

Well, technically,

this cemetery's closed

and I can't be buried here.

I'll never forget

the guys that...

that weren't as fortunate

that don't get

to have a life after.

Um, and I think

for a lot of us...

it just inspires us to make

good on the time we are given.

So, you know, I'm gonna make

the most of that next chapter.

Because friends of mine

didn't get that chance.

Guys like Sammy, Ernie.

Sammy!

Coming home has always been

the hardest part

of being a warrior.

But maybe

if we walk beside them,

they can make it

all the way home.

I've dealt with my ghosts

And I faced all my demons

I'm finally content

with a past I regret

I found you find strength

in your moments of weakness

For once

I'm at peace with myself

I've been burdened with blame

Trapped in the past for too long

I'm moving on

I've lived in this place

and I know all the faces

Each one is different,

but they're always the same

They mean me no harm

But it's time that I face it

They'll never allow me to change

But I never dreamed home

would end up

Where I don't belong

I'm moving on

I'm moving on

At last I can see

Life has been patiently

waiting for me

And I know

There's no guarantees

But I'm not

Alone

There comes a time

In everyone's life

When all you can see

are the years passing by

And I have made up my mind

That those days

Are gone

I sold what I could

And packed what I couldn't

Stopped to fill up

on my way out of town

I love like I should,

but live like I shouldn't

I had to lose everything

to find out

Maybe forgiveness will find

me somewhere down this road

I'm moving on

I'm moving on

I'm moving on