01x02 - Catch of the Day

[bunniefuu]

This programme contains some scenes which some
viewers may find upsetting from the start,

some strong language,
and deals with Suicide

Enjoy your time with Velorum. My name is Karen.
I'm staff captain on this ship of dreams.

Ah, hello, Jamie. What the
hell are you doing here?

This wasn't part of the plan.
I take your place on here,

you stay at home. But you
can still do your thing, man.

Find out what happened
to your sister. Um...

Her name's Pippa. Someone
on here knows something.

This is my one and only chance of
finding out what actually happened,

whilst all the same people
are still on the ship.

This boat's tribal as hell.

I can help you. I'm an
accessory now, aren't I?

I wanna know more about the
guy she was seeing, Danny.

Danny had a phone in his room.
I wanna get him on his own.

I was sorry to hear about what
happened with your ex. Was it Pippa?

Everyone on here is a suspect.

Yep, go.

Wait, no.

Oh, come on.

Hi, my name is Pippa Walsh,

and this is my audition tape

to join Velorum Cruises
entertainment team. I am...

Dad.

Dad!

He's shitfaced. Just leave him.

All right, I'm sending
it. No. Why not?

I'm not sending it.

It's stupid. What if
it's not my scene?

You're worried about leaving me.

It's a long time to be away.
I don't wanna leave you alone.

I won't be.

Dad'll be about, won't he?

When has Dad ever been about?

Look, this could be
your chance to get out,

and to do something
for yourself.

Jamie, I'm not sending it.

Sent it.

Your audition was shite
anyway. You won't get it.

♪ Snowdrops and daffodils

♪ Butterflies and bees

♪ Sailboats and fishermen

♪ Things of the sea

♪ Wishing wells

♪ Wedding bells

♪ Early morning dew

♪ All kinds of everything

♪ Remind me of you. ♪

Bloody hell. What's
taking you so long?

Could somebody help me?

You're a big girl.
Get on with it.

What a prick.

"You're a big girl.
Get on with it."

Oh.

Ahh.

What are you doing?
What are you doing?

Cardio.

Are you actually trying
to attract attention?

Says the lad that
staggered in rat-arsed.

I thought you were on
here to find your sister,

not go on the lash.

Here's my meal plan, by the way.

Tilapia fillets? Is that a joke?

I never joke about food prep.

Rise and shine. Is
that behaving itself?

Give me that.

So, last night, whilst you were
dancing the light fandango,

I did some probing,
got the scoop on Danny.

Who knew that whisky sours were
such a powerful truth serum?

Turns out he might not be such
a f*ck f*ck after all.

He was gutted when your
sister broke up with him.

No... No way. You should've heard
how he talked about her last night.

He was obsessed.
Inconsolable when she jumped.

Well, that's it then,
isn't it? His motive.

Danny couldn't bear
her leaving him.

Crime of passion.

Emotional abandonment causes
serious deviant behaviour.

And I already told
you, Pippa didn't jump.

Did you charge the phone?

Look, even if I can't unlock it,

I can still use it
to confront Danny.

Ask him why he's got a missing girl's
phone under his bed, make him talk.

I hate to ruin your flow, but we're
on breakfast service in five. Oh...

And you...

Yeah, yeah, "Don't make a
sound, don't go anywhere."

I mean it. If you blow my cover,

this will have all
been for nothing.

And I know I'm onto something.
I'm getting close to the truth.

Well, keep a lookout for Rosie.

Oh, is this the ex
you're stalking?

Not stalking, just making
him observe and report on.

Gross.

Do not move from this cabin.

Jerome, are you still drunk?

Can't someone get me an Uber?

You'll get used to the
work, party, repeat thing.

What, there's another party?

Working on here is like a
never-ending freshers week.

What's up with him?

I'm talking to you.

Is he your boyfriend?

Oh, no.

There's just a social order
on here that we follow.

I'm from Brighton, but to
them I'm another Filipino.

And you don't take sides
against the family.

That's what happens
when you put thousands

of people in close
confinement with sh*t WiFi.

Race alliances weren't
in the brochure.

So, what, you're
part of a mafia?

By default, I suppose.
But I do my own thing.

What do they actually do?

Bookmaking, targeted
assassinations.

Honestly, mafia sounds
scarier than what it is.

They're more like unions. We have
the shitty end of the stick on here,

so it makes sense to
have each other's backs.

There are so many weird,
unwritten rules on here.

Like what?

Oi! Watch it.

Come in, Officer Beaker.

This is Beaker.

Come in, Beaker.

This is Beaker.

Who's this?

It's f*cking Beaker,
Karen. Go for Beaker.

Round up the entertainers
and send them to the theatre.

We've got a situation.

Sober him up.

Yeah.

Are all officer roid-head g*ons?

They're all ex-military.

You've been very informative.

"You've been very informative."

Did you hear that? They're
rounding up the entertainers.

Danny will be there.

Where's Danny?

Do you like him,
then? Who? Olly?

I don't know him.

Well, you've got a few months
to fix that, haven't you?

I don't plan on being
on here that long.

Are you out back home?

Kind of.

Well, I mean, only to Pippa.

Then there was someone, this guy
that I started seeing, but...

What happened? This happened.

I can't have any distractions.
Not when I'm this close.

If Danny does know something...
He does. I'm sure of it.

If he's done something to
Pippa, what are you gonna do?

Have you thought about that?

What is going on?

This better be good.

Thank you for
coming in, everyone.

You might've noticed
one of you isn't here.

It's with regret we
have to inform you of

the passing of one of
your own. Danny Jones.

We believe he took his own life in
the early hours of this morning.

We wanted to let you know first.

How... How's...

We're waiting for
a fuller picture.

I wanna be honest with you guys.

It looks as though he'd
had too much to drink.

Paralytic, as they say. He
jumped from a funnel up top.

It's crucial you say
nothing to our guests, OK?

We don't want a panic
when we're trying

to make sense of a terrible
situation like this.

And if this gets out
in the wrong way,

and believe me, I've
seen it happen before,

the Sacramentum could
become the Arab Spring,

faster than green grass
through a goose, OK?

And you can't get faster than
green grass through a goose.

There is no right way to feel,

and it's completely normal to
have a wide range of emotions.

Apparently it's
good to talk. So,

if you do feel the need
to speak to someone,

there's a confidential Velorum
phone number I can give you to call.

Let's be there for
each other, and talk.

Just to each other, aye?
Cos loose lips and all that.

We only saw him last night.
He didn't look that drunk.

He was into drugs.

He could've been high.

Jamie, say something, please.

He was my main suspect.

Strange coincidence him
suddenly just being found dead.

I can't even get
on Pippa's phone.

Excuse me. Can I get service?

Ahoy, matey. What will it be?

A yo-h*-h* and a
fire in the hole.

What if, I'm just
putting this out there,

hear me out, hear me out.

It really did sound
like Danny was besotted

with your sister, and what if this
was some star-crossed lovers thing?

I know you said that
she wouldn't jump,

but we've been on here
less than 48 hours

and I've thought about hauling
myself overboard at least

a dozen times. Also,
everyone on here seems

to be consistently
white-boy wasted.

I dunno, OK. Look,
I'm just saying,

throw a messy
break-up into the mix,

who wouldn't crack?

What if Velorum are
telling the truth?

What if Pippa did jump?

Hey, miss. Where's the smoke?

The fire in the hole
comes all smoky.

Yeah, we ran out.

Of smoke?

Mm-hmm.

I want smoke. I'm
in first class.

First class what?

I'm staying in first class.

And?

Do you have a
problem, young lady?

Yeah. It's called minimum wage.

Mm. Well,

perhaps you should've worked
a little harder at school.

Do you need some
ice for that burn?

I'm in! I'm in! What was it?

It was our mum's birthday.

Poor Lauren found Danny's body.

Fascists wouldn't give
her the morning off.

There's a number Pippa was
texting the day she disappeared.

She wanted off the ship.

Extortion?

No, no, no, she wouldn't.

What's going on? She
must've been desperate.

Oh, whoa!

What was she doing?

I think you mean who.

If she was blackmailing someone
this is it, this is proof that

she was in over her head
into something dangerous.

She can't have jumped. It's proof
that she was shaking somebody down.

It's proof that she was
obviously in a bad place

and would've done
anything to get off here.

He's got a tattoo.

Did Danny have one? Is it him?
Is that why he had her phone?

I dunno. What now?

We finish our shift and
then we need to find Nemo.

I just can't believe he's gone.

Is this really happening?

Why didn't he say something?

Did we do this?

Pippa jumped, and
now Danny's dead.

Did we bring this
all on ourselves?

Do we need protection?

Protection? What are we, five?

I'm just scared, OK?

We are in way over our heads.

Are we in a mafia drugs w*r?

Why am I still here? I
should've left yesterday.

We want out, Sophia.

We didn't come on
here to deal drugs.

Amys, spread the word. We've
having a vigil for Danny,

tonight. Get candles
from hospitality.

Bethany May, look at me,
hey! You're on booze.

And, Hamish,

grow a set of ba*ls.

Well, go!

Where are we going?

We need to see if it
was Danny in that photo.

How do we do
that? Arctic roll.

Remember what you told
me about arctic roll?

The morgue. Every ship has one.

How many people actually
die in these things?

No-one knows.

Not all cruise lines
share their statistics.

Have you got any tattoos?

I'm scared of needles.

Erm...

You know, erm, in the '40s,

g*y girls got nautical
stars on their wrists

to spot each other. I
got a henna one once.

My parents didn't speak to
me for, like, two weeks.

I listened to this
podcast once that

said Jeffrey Dahmer didn't
eat people with tattoos,

cos he said the ink made
the flesh taste weird.

Sorry, I talk when
I get nervous.

OK. Let's just get
this over with.

Dulcie, clean up in
the soft play palace.

Some animal's left a hot
sloppy in the ball pool.

I'll be in medical
if you need me.

Is it him? Is it Danny?

No tattoo.

Jesus. What happened to him?

We need to get out of here.

They lied to us.

Now! Why would they lie?

Jamie, we need to go.

You two, cool your jets.

We've just been
to see the nurse.

He's got the Barry Whites.

You're not looking too peachy.

She said I must've
eaten something dodgy.

Did she now?

Nurse is a fella.
Nauseating, I know.

I didn't mean "she".

He calls everyone "she", don't
you? Because he's a h*m*.

Yep. Hey, girl!

It's just our culture.

All right.

Pints won't pull themselves.

f*ck off!

Jesus.

We want out.

Hello!

Look, what if Danny didn't jump?

Danny was a mess. All
right. He had a problem.

I'm really sorry, I
know he was your friend.

But he did like to
dip into the supply.

We don't feel safe.

Well, I wouldn't let
anybody hurt you.

Oh, be still my beating heart.

We're performers, Sam.

Idina Menzel never had to shift
gear to the Flying Monkeys.

Who? We're selling mandy and
poppers on a cruise ship, Sophia.

You're not in South Central LA.

No, WE'RE selling. We're
the ones in danger.

You got us into this. We should've
stuck to selling to guests,

not crew. The mafias are pissed.

The mafias are always
pissed off about something.

Sam, we're scared.

I'm scared.

All right, I'll have a
word with the officers.

They're not gonna
like it, though.

Thank you.

The smell of sweaty man
just does something to me.

I'll, erm, be in the studio if
you want to join me for some...

..yogalates.

Stabbed to death.

Like a Capri Sun.
Well, that's not good.

Why would Velorum lie about
Danny k*lling himself?

There's a k*ller on the ship.

I told you Pippa didn't jump. Danny
got her involved in something.

There's a k*ller on the ship.

So, what, you think the fella
in the photo k*lled Danny?

I don't know, but it's
all we've got to go on.

Let's see this ink, then.

Jesus! That's an
ankle slapper.

You should speak
to the Filipinos.

There's usually one of them doing
tattoos down in the engine room.

I wouldn't go blazing down
there without an invite though.

You need someone to
vouch for you, like.

Olly. He'll take us
down there. Yeah.

Hey. You do know
there's zero chance

that his sister's still
breathing, don't you?

Hello?

Help! Help!

Help!

Hey, girl.

Been looking for you.

Lucky me.

Nice parrot.

I need to ask a favour.

Which picture should
I post with Danny?

Wait, what else do you
have? That one's so cute.

Look at his little
glasses, though.

Oh!

Uh...

I, erm, told Sam we want out.

He's gonna speak to the
others. What does that mean?

It means what it means.

What the hell is that?

It's a collage. For the vigil.

Danny is dead.

He's not in the X Factor final.

What's with her? I don't know.

Why do you want a tattoo?

Cos it's free.

Nothing is free on here.

Did you bring what I
told you? Right here.

Oh, this is a really,
really bad idea.

The Baby isn't the sort of guy
you wanna get involved with.

Why do they call him The Baby?

You'll see. Just please
let me do the talking.

Erm...

Thank you for this.
Don't thank me yet.

I mean it, Cormac.

Don't mess with these guys.

Come on then.

Hello.

You must be The Baby.

Sorry to bother you.

The Baby.

It's nice to meet you.

I wanted, just a quick one,

I wanted to know if this
is one of your designs.

What are you...?

I promise I'll explain.

The fish is one of mine.

Great. That's
great. That's great.

Do you actually know who
that is in the photo,

the man with the,

the man,

well, with the...

Give him that.

Oh, a gift for you.

Sorry.

Flubber? Seen it.

Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties.

Acceptable.

Natalie Cassidy Workout.

What Doesn't k*ll
You Makes You Sonia.

You're done.

You, Justin Bieber.

Sit.

Me? No, I appreciate it, but I
actually don't want a tattoo.

You don't like my work?

No, no, it's, it's not that.

It's just, I find
it hard to even,

like commit to a colour
scheme for my room.

Sit in the chair, Cormac.

Could I maybe just
get, like, a small dog?

Do you do writing
at all? Like names?

Comic Sans or Times New Roman?

I just, I really hate needles.

g*y lord say what? What?

Where were you, Jamie?

..get faster than green
grass through a goose.

Hey, it's all right. It's
OK, it's OK, it's OK.

You passed out. It's OK.

I had to think fast.

Hey!

Do you like it?

You got it.

So, Mr The Baby. Who's
the guy in the photo?

The Baby likes to paint
aquatic marine life.

Half the people on here have one
of his tags. I could've told you.

However, you don't just forget a
nine-inch knocker like that one.

Your man, he's an officer.

An officer? Which officer?

I don't know.

You white boys
all look the same.

What the hell was that
all about? Who's Pippa?

Pippa is, she's...

..she's my girlfriend. Eh?

Sorry, that was, that
was just a bad joke.

That was not funny.

She's...

..she's a long story.

The Baby doesn't
sterilise needles.

Nah, for a 300-pound man
living in a fiery pit,

he actually has very high
standards of hygiene.

You're mysterious, aren't you?

I'm really not trying to be.

It's all right.

I've got plenty of time
to get to know you.

Thank you, really. I owe you.

Olly!

About five minutes
ago. Cher show's nine.

That boy dying really
makes you think about like.

And, yeah, and I don't know.

Rosie.

I was just saying, I,
I've got to talk to you...

I think you're
beautiful, you know.

Oh, thank you.

I could be Sonny to your Cher.

Yeah, it didn't end
well for them, did it?

Look, you're sweet, but I've recently
broken up with someone and...

Erm... So, you don't
believe in life after love?

No.

I think you're beautiful,
been on a ship before?

And love is hell, and
once you've been to hell,

life's never the same.

Just a slow march towards death.

Ah, see you later.

Yep.

Whoa. Oh, sorry.

Bloody hell. You're a big bugger,
aren't you? What's your name?

Er. My name is, is Paul.

Paul?

Some of us officers play a
bit of five-a-side B-ball,

Wednesday nights.

We could use a man
mountain like you.

You should come up,
sh**t a few hoops.

Sound. I will, yeah.

Well, make sure you do.

So, Nemo's an officer?

I didn't think those
guys were Pippa's type.

The officers run
the show, Olly. So,

if one of them is behind
whatever's going on,

and one of them k*lled Danny,
we need to call the police.

There's an actual mutilated body
downstairs. That's hard to ignore.

I'm starting to think all this
is my fault. What do you mean?

Pippa got cold feet
about coming on here,

and it was me,

I didn't give her a choice.

She was so worried
about leaving me.

And I told her to go.

She did everything
for me growing up.

And, you know, now it
was her time to go off

and to do something for herself.

Come on, you can't
think like this.

It's true, though.

I never got to tell her that
I'd be nothing without her.

She gave me everything.
She taught me everything.

And I wasn't easy, you
know, I was so stupid...

..and I was confused, and
I was angry about so much,

and she just, you know,
she bore the brunt of it.

I said some horrible
sh*t at times.

Hey, come on.

It's not your fault.
It's not your fault.

What if she's dead?

What if she died and
no-one was with her?

Hey, you cannot blame
yourself. You can't.

I mean, we don't even know
what happened to her yet.

I know, but it doesn't
look good though, does it?

Do you wanna know
the worst thing?

I held her back for so long.

You know, what if she went nuts on
here trying to make up for lost time?

We're stuck on
here with a k*ller.

Mate, we're in deep.

It's mayday time.

We're calling the police.

We shouldn't use our own names.

There's a payphone
in the casino.

The biggest smile can
hide the saddest heart.

The last time I saw him,

he was tea-bagging an
inflatable dolphin.

Did Sam speak to you?

Somebody sent me a warning.

Sounds like a you problem,
not a me problem, Barbie.

Well, we quit. We're
done. Deal your own sh*t.

You're done when
I say you're done.

Don't think cos you're keeping Sam's
bed warm you can call the shots.

One word from me, Velorum will
drop your arse in some sh*thole of

a country with just the
clothes on your back.

Hey, you'll have to...

..blow your way home.

Mm.

So, I'd save that
precious breath.

Ah, Danny.

He always knew how
to make a splash.

Sorry for your loss.

Hi, everyone.

Hi. Hello!

Sorry, could you just
be quiet, please? Sorry.

I'd just like to sing one
of Danny's favourite songs.

Danny, this one's for you, babe.

♪ She had...

♪ ..dumps like a
truck, truck, truck

♪ Thighs like what, what, what

♪ Baby move your
butt, butt, butt

♪ Think I'll sing it again

♪ She had dumps like
a truck, truck, truck

♪ Thighs like what, what, what

♪ Baby move your
butt, butt, butt...

♪ All night long

♪ Let me see that thong

♪ Baby

♪ That thong,
th-thong, thong, thong

♪ Ooh, that dress
so scandalous... ♪

Who, are you?

Run!

I'm grieving, f*ck off!

Sorry.

Hey!