01x02 - Episode 2

[bunniefuu]

I don't think we should sell. I

think we should do the kitchen.

Seriously?

Hello, Mr Magpie. How's

the wife and kids?

You and your son had some

pretty intense arguments.

You never mention Marcus.

You stitched me up

with that Indian kid.

He lied about his confession,

and we both know why.

This isn't over.

Whoever died here, I

heard they were m*rder*d.

Who knows what goes

on behind these doors?

With John and Emma, we know

they're not gonna k*ll us.

'Hmm! It's lovely to see

you all getting on so well.'

I'd have thought the

tension in there unbearable.

MAGPIE CACKLES

Morning, Mr Magpie.

You gonna ask the builders

not to leave any ladders out,

in case you have to

walk underneath them?

There are worse things to be

than a little bit superstitious.

Like inexplicably refusing to

sign a party wall agreement.

What you doing

today? Not sure.

What do you get up to all day?

I mean, I know you're

looking for work,

but doesn't it get boring, just

not doing much, not seeing anyone?

I see people.

Oh. Who?

Where's all this come from?

I really need to speak

to Derek and Barbara.

You're wasting your time. I don't

think you'll change their mind.

You mean you hope I don't?

Look, I'm not the enemy.

I thought this

whole kitchen thing

was supposed to bring

us closer together.

You're right. I'm sorry.

I love you, you know.

I know. It's just

It's just what?

Do you really think Derek

and Barbara won't budge?

Of course they won't. They're

ignorant and intransigent.

Why do you think Marcus

left? What do you mean?

He just disappeared. No-one

knows what happened to him.

He hated them.

And it was partly because

they never listened to him.

How do you know that?

He used to tell me.

When? I never saw you with him.

Yeah, Beth. You hardly knew him.

No, you barely know me.

What was that all

about? God knows.

She's just a poor,

messed-up, lonely kid.

TEXT ALER

You all right?

Uh, yeah.

It's just Alan.

Wants to know if I wanna

go for a pint later.

Do you? Nah.

Not really in the mood.

I think you should go.

Maybe I'll text Sonia, see

if she fancies a catch-up.

I'm gonna try and talk to Derek.

INTERCOM RINGS

KNOCKING

Derek?

'Derek, Barbara, it's me.

'I just wanna have a chat with

you, if that's all right?'

Dad, it's me.

Just wondering if you had any luck

with the planning. Give us a call.

Hiya. Hi.

You not working today?

Me? Yeah, always.

I'm on my way. We can't all

work from home when we fancy it.

Oh, is Sonia off?

She's got a nice afternoon

planned, with her feet up.

I mean, don't get me wrong,

I wouldn't wanna be a teacher

for all the omelette in Spain.

But with all the

strikes, and COVID,

she's had more days off than

John, and that's saying something.

HE LAUGHS

Sorry. Erm

I was joking about John.

I know he's had quite

No, no. I think it's nice that

you're going out for a drink later.

I I think he

could do with a moan.

Slow down. I haven't

answered him yet.

Answered him? You asked him.

What? He only just text,

asking if I fancied a pint.

So, yeah, we might.

But I was with him

when you text him.

Must have been his fancy woman.

HE LAUGHS

Sorry. You know, I've

gotta stop doing jokes.

Sonia's always telling me. No,

no, no, you're fine, it's me.

It's the extension, the

builders, the plans, money.

I'm just all over the

place. I must have misheard.

Have a good day.

Yeah, you, too.

Hey, why don't you ask

Sonia if she's free later?

We could all go out. I

could do with a drink.

Yeah, sure. Let's do that.

We're gonna have to talk

to them sooner or later.

Oh? Why? They're

our neighbours.

Oh, don't you see?

There's a process.

There are at least two objections

to their little scheme so far.

The longer we stall, the more likely

they are to change their minds.

They're not gonna change

their minds, Derek.

They're gonna build

their stupid kitchen,

and they're gonna

want to move our tree.

And if they move the

tree Oh, shut up, woman.

Just Just get a grip.

Emma. Hi.

Ah. Is this about

the petition? Yeah

I know you think it's

trivial and petty,

but having the street

filled with cars and vans

with no consideration

for the residents,

or for someone who works

anti-social hours

I need to see your camera

footage. I beg your pardon?

Erm It's cos I need just

a little bit more evidence.

Evidence of what? For

the parking permits.

Oh! I just thought that if I

could see the CCTV evidence

of the vehicles in the street,

then I'd be able to make

a more informed decision,

and it may help me convince my

husband, and Sonia and Alan.

Right, so, you want

to borrow my footage,

is that what you're saying?

I want to help.

I just thought that if I could

take it home and watch it,

then, if what you say is true -

which I'm sure it is - then

I'll sign the petition.

What do you think?

SIGHS

FAINT TAPPING

John?

Beth?

sh*t!

SHE EXHALES

MESSAGE ALER

MESSAGE ALER

BIRDS CHIRP

ENGINE IDLES

I'm sure it's ill*gal for him

to point that thing over here.

He could see anything.

It is.

But, on the upside, he might

see a burglar if one broke in.

Besides, he'd hardly be

making a sex tape, would he?

CHUCKLES

Oh, yeah, I saw Emma.

She was wondering if the four

of us might go out later.

On a Wednesday? Yeah.

John texted, asking

if I fancied a pint.

Did he? Actually,

it was a bit odd.

Emma seemed to think I texted John,

but it was the other way around.

Right.

Reading between the lines, I think

she's a bit suspicious of him.

Suspicious of what?

Well, he sits about

all day, doing nothing.

And when I made a joke about

him having a fancy woman,

she didn't exactly laugh.

Well, she wouldn't, would she?

I mean, why would you

make a joke like that?

Remember when people

had a sense of humour?

SHE SIGHS

Anyway, let me know

what you think.

About what?

The drinks later.

Oh, yeah, sure. OK.

See ya. See ya.

Hi. You up for a beer

later? Yeah, yeah.

All right, have a

good one. OK. See ya.

Well, it seems to me you knew

exactly what you were doing

when you broke into the

shop and stole the phones.

That's as may be, but if you

don't turn up to your hearing,

they're not gonna look

favourably at the case, are they?

OK, fine. I'll

see what I can do.

This is Pawel.

He'll be helping me.

I don't sub-contract,

apart from the electrics.

Well, that's

Hello, Pawel.

Look it's just I wasn't

expecting you today, Lee.

We still haven't got

planning permission,

or the party wall agreement.

Well, we need to work

on the assumption

that you're gonna get

both, then, don't we?

Well, I'm not sure it's gonna

be as easy as my wife thinks.

I mean, what if the planning

permission takes longer than?

Listen.

I've just put a big job

back four months for this.

I could lose a lot of money.

So let's just make sure

that doesn't happen.

DOORBELL RINGS

John, do you know how long

that van's gonna be there?

Not now, Nick.

Well, you say that.

You're gonna have a skip,

you'll have the van,

you're gonna have lorries

delivering steel and God knows

HE SIGHS

HE SIGHS

HE SIGHS

PHONE RINGS

Right, I'm done for now.

I'll be back to start the build as

soon as your missus gives us the nod

for the planning and the

party wall. Well, I think

We're gonna have to move

your neighbour's fence.

Also, have a word with them

about that tree, will you?

It's gonna cause issues where

it stands. Thing is, Lee

This is your payment

plan as we move forward.

So, I'm gonna need

this first lot

so I can order your

steels and concrete.

Also, there's a number on there for

a Portaloo company and a skip hire.

We'll need both.

Can you just put it all

in an email? DOOR CLOSES

PHONE RINGS

HE SIGHS

'Terry here. Leave a message.'

Dad

What's happening? I

just need to know.

Please. Call me.

You sure this is gonna work?

LEE: 'Have you got the cash?'

Yes, I've got the money.

'You can trust me.

You know you can.'

Just do what you need to do.

Keep in touch.

Hello?

SIGHS

Right. What have you been up to?

Hi. Pornhub?

Very funny. No, it's a

case file. It's boring.

Where were you? I shouted

for you. I was in the garden.

What were you doing

in the garden?

Thinking. Thinking about what?

When did you speak

to your dad? Sorry?

He left a message for you on

the answer machine downstairs.

Said he needed to see you,

said he had an answer.

What's going on? SHE SIGHS

I don't know why he

would call the landline.

Er So that I would hear it,

so that we could have a fight,

like we're just about to?

God's sake, John,

just grow up. Grow up?

He fleeced us, Emma - your

own dad! Look, he's my da

You told me that you

two weren't speaking!

I thought we had an agreement.

Emma! He's my father.

I can't stop him

from calling me.

What's all this stuff about

him having an answer, then?

An answer for what?

What aren't you telling me?

I could ask you the same thing.

What's that supposed to mean?

Have you asked him for

money? No, of course not.

I don't want a penny

of his filthy cash.

Not even the stuff he still

owes us. Well, neither do I.

So, what do you want from him,

then? It can't be his love.

That river ran dry

years ago. Oh, Jesus!

And the builder's

payment breakdown

is pretty bloody punchy,

so that would make sense.

He's my dad, for God's sake!

Yeah, well, he's

not mine, thank God.

TENSE EXHALE

'Terry here. Leave a message.'

Yeah, Dad? We need to meet.

Emma, what's this? What?

Well, it's the

street group chat.

Nick's just posted that

you've signed his petition

for the parking

permits. Has he?

Why would you do

that? I haven't.

I said I'd have a think about

it. Well, why would he say that?

And why didn't you tell me that

Lee was coming round today?

Because I didn't know he was.

And anyway, your phone's

been switched off.

Oh, well, you know, I must have

been charging it or something.

SHE SIGHS Listen. Lee,

he wants to get going.

He's rushing us. We

haven't even got planning.

Emma, this whole thing's

becoming a bit of a nightmare.

I'm worried that John,

what is wrong with you?

You never used to be this

stressed and anxious. What?

Well, I don't I don't know.

I'm I'm just

HE SIGHS What?

I suppose, since

I quit my job

I mean, maybe I shouldn't

have left. But I hated it.

I couldn't I couldn't

handle the stress.

I just feel so John,

it's gonna be fine.

You have to trust me. If we don't

have that, what have we got?

Just find out about

those drinks tonight.

KNOCKING

Alan?

SHE SIGHS

SHE SIGHS

'Hi, leave a message.'

Alan, it's me. What

time are you back?

Let me know if you wanna

do this drink later.

Biscuit?

Ts-ts-ts-tss! Where did you go?

MAGPIE CACKLES

Ts-ts-ts-tss! Biscuit!

All right, Biscuit, I

don't need you that badly.

Playing hard to get?

Oh, hi. What are

you doing out here?

Just looking at my house.

Thinking. About the extension?

Yeah.

Among other things.

I was surprised. Me, too.

Is this what you want?

HE SIGHS

Is it?

WINGS FLAP

Emma would say something now.

What do you think she would say?

See you tonight. Tonight?

Drinks, remember?

Do you do all your

meetings in the park now?

Well, they can't

bug you out here.

Why does that not

feel like a joke?

Come on. Who do you think I am?

A property developer who'll go

to any lengths to make a profit,

regardless of the

law, since you ask.

And one day, it

could all be yours.

No, thanks. I'm one

of the good guys.

Sure, till it comes to

planning applications.

You said you had an

answer? Yeah, yeah.

I'm really fine, and

thank you for asking (!)

Oh, come on, Dad. Don't play

the happy family card with me.

Well, you ask me a big favour,

then you tell me I'm a bad father.

I didn't say you were

a bad father - you did.

Ah, right. You got my

message, then, yeah.

Couldn't get through

on your mobile.

Yeah, that was a d*ck

move, and you know it.

You knew John would hear

that. Well, I can't call you?

You know what I'm talking about.

I like him No, please,

let's not do this.

I mean, he's not exactly the man

I'd hoped that my only child

would finish up with, but

OK, so, what kind of

man would suffice?

Because after all, Dad, I am

here to make you happy (!)

He can't hold down a job,

and he makes his wife

go out to earn a crust.

It's not the 1970s.

He doesn't send me out

to work. I love my job.

God, no wonder Mam left

you. I miss your mum.

SHE SIGHS She misses you.

Does she? No.

She literally moved to Australia,

that's how much she misses you.

Right. Well, she left us both.

So, do you want the good

news or the bad news?

For God's sake,

please, just tell me.

Well, the good news is

you got your planning.

Really? Really? Oh,

thank you! Thank you.

Here, hang on. You haven't

heard the bad news.

What?

I'm afraid you're gonna

have to do the extension,

and it's gonna be

a bloody nightmare.

Shut up. So, how do I thank you?

Your old man can't

do you a favour?

Not for free, no.

Nice (!)

Give Beth a kiss for me.

Listen, s-sorry, sorry, Dad.

I shouldn't have said that.

Send John my best.

They wrote to us.

The surveyors, they

sent us an email.

Oh, I didn't get an email.

They made the party wall

award. OK, well, I haven't

They've ignored our

concerns - the light.

They said we have to

let you do as you asked.

They said we have to let

you move our fence one metre

while you dig your foundations,

while you build your wall.

They said we have no

choice in the matter.

I can't believe this

is happening to us,

that you're doing this to us.

Barbara, I'm not doing

this to upset you, really.

Upset us? Upset us?!

You You have no idea.

Just help me understand this,

because I'm really struggling here.

Why is this such a big deal?

It's just a kitchen extension.

We'll keep fighting the planning.

And trust me, we have a case.

Well, that's the other thing.

Planning's gone through.

You're not moving our

tree. Do you hear me?

Why? Have you got

something to hide?

We'll do what we have to do,

Derek. Over my dead body.

Barbara!

You look nice. Thanks.

Maybe I should get

changed. No, you look fine.

We're only going to the pub.

Well, it's very nice of you to

make such an effort for Alan.

Funny.

Has it ever occurred to you that

I try and make an effort for you?

So, it looks like Lee

can start on Monday.

Are you OK with that?

What about the planning?

We got it. Oh, right.

Monday's great, if

that's what works best.

You're OK with it?

Emma, it's your money.

It's our money. We're

married, remember?

Promise me one thing. Sure.

Your dad has nothing

to do with it.

Yeah, of course.

Great. Let's go and celebrate.

John, what do you think of me?

Where did that come

from? I don't know.

It's just been ages since

we've been out together.

I can barely get you to agree

to a takeaway these days,

let alone a night

out at the pub.

We went to Sonia and

Alan's the other night.

Yeah, Sonia's. And Alan.

Emma, what's wrong?

I don't know.

I just think maybe we

should see other people.

Other people?

Oh, you mean other CHUCKLING:

You mean other friends.

Why? What did you?

Oh, God, why would

I suggest that?

I don't know. Yeah, it's

not exactly you, is it?

Are you ready?

Alan?

Alan? MAGPIE CACKLES

Coming, my love.

b*stards.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Ah! Thanks for this.

Not at all. I won't

be needing it.

And I won't be needing parking

permits, but best of luck.

Oh, and not only have I

not signed your petition,

despite what you've told

the rest of the street,

I won't be signing your

petition. You said you would.

I said I'd think about it,

and I've thought about it.

Nick, we're gonna be needing

builders, cranes, skips,

concrete pourers, plumbers,

electricians, portable toilets,

and that's before we've even

thought about the decorating.

So, it's not gonna work

for us. Well, here's news.

You've gotta get

past planning first.

Oh, yeah, about that,

the planning's gone

through, so that's that.

Oh, and can you move your camera

away from looking at our house?

I'm a lawyer. It

invades our privacy.

Shame! Makes interesting

viewing. HE CHUCKLES

We'll just have to see what the

rest of the street make of it.

What was that about? No idea.

But you you you never

understood what was going on.

You're a fool. I'm not a

fool, Derek. Please, stop!

That's why he isn't

here. It's your fault.

Oh, don't say that.

You can't say that!

Now these people, they're

gonna ruin everything.

Everything.

Well, they'll have

to k*ll me first!

Excuse me. Are you Beth?

I mean, who has CCTV in a

bloody cul-de-sac, anyway?

The man's paranoid.

As for the parking permits,

he can go and stick 'em.

That's what I said to him.

I think he just thought

that because I said

I'd look at his petition, he just

presumed I'd be on board, the idiot.

I can't stand the

man. Yeah, me neither.

He reminds me of my dad and

his mates when we were kids.

One summer, they set up

a Neighbourhood Watch,

and then spent every

evening getting together

and watching movies, like,

er, Magnificent Seven,

and winding themselves up.

LAUGHING: No way!

No, it's true.

And then, all revved up,

they'd go out hunting for

vagabonds and villains,

armed with golf clubs

and air pistols.

You're making that

up. No, seriously!

And what happened? Well,

nothing. They never found anyone.

Apart from one time, they

came across some poor teenager

who was trying to

have a quiet spliff,

and they hassled him so much,

he gave them all his weed,

and then they spent the rest of

the summer completely stoned!

SHE LAUGHS

The amount of times

I've heard that story.

Oh, it's hilarious.

It's bullshit.

Alan! Well, it's not

true, is it, John?

It's one of your

embellishments. It didn't happen.

Well, it's not a big deal.

I just like the truth.

Oh, come on, John,

you're a great guy,

but you do love to exaggerate,

and you like an audience.

It's not a bad thing. I mean,

they're pretty good stories.

I'm just gonna go to the loo.

I'll get some more drinks in.

What's that about?

Ugh. God knows.

Just seems like there's

something going on between them.

Like what? I don't know.

It's just when men talk

to each other like that,

there's usually something

deeper going on.

And how do women handle it?

Well, I'd like to think we

could tell each other the truth.

The truth. Although in my

job, I have come to realise

that people only ever tell you

what they need you to hear.

Truth is very

overrated in my game.

Yeah, I guess it must be.

I suppose, when you think about it,

is it really even that important?

Well, what else have we got?

Are you serious?

CHUCKLES

Cheers.

Cheers.

GRUNT OF DISGUST Ugh!

COUGHS Oh, my God.

Go on, Andi, your turn. If

you say so. You're the boss.

Ugh! BETH CHUCKLES

Another one? Mm-hm.

PC GALLAGHER CHUCKLES

Cheers.

Hey, John. I was just taking

the piss before, yeah?

No hard feelings.

I mean, it's true - you

do like to exaggerate.

What the f*ck is wrong

with you? With me?

Yeah, why would you say all

that? I thought we were mates.

So did I.

You need to lighten up.

ALAN CHUCKLES Now,

let's get drunk.

I'll tell you what,

we are gonna have a huge

party when this thing's done.

You'll have no money

left to throw one.

Yeah, that's without the

extra cost in parking permits.

Oh, I'm just so relieved

we're not moving any more.

You all right, mate?

I'm sorry about what

happened earlier.

You know, I think I'd

really miss everyone.

Apart from him.

LAUGHTER ON FILM

I've got an idea. Come on. Let's

give Nick a little surprise.

Really? Come on!

We gonna do this? Yeah,

yeah, let's go for it.

One two THEY GIGGLE

..three!

ALL WHOOP AND LAUGH

Yep!

LAUGHTER ON FILM

'Enjoy, Nicholas!'

ALAN LAUGHS

Good night, in the

end. No thanks to you.

What was all that about

with John? It was nothing.

You know, it was just banter. I

was calling him out, that's all.

But why? He's a friend.

Isn't that what friends do?

Besides, why do you care?

HE SCOFFS

Why do you think Alan was a

bit weird with you earlier?

He's just being a d*ck.

You know what he's like.

I don't know. Just seemed like

he wanted to say something.

It's fine. Don't worry

about it. I'm not.

PHONE BUZZES

Ah.

I'm just gonna go and

see if Beth's back.

So, I was right - you

do want something.

We should meet,

talk face-to-face.

I knew it. I knew it

was too good to be true.

'It's not for me. It's for the

guy who sorted the planning.'

Emma?

I'll call you tomorrow,

and it better be kosher.

Emma, you heard from

Beth? She's not in.

No, she's probably just

out with her mates.

What are you doing

out here anyway?

John what's that?

What is that on the back?

"One for sorrow."