WOMAN: Hello?
-(STATIC)
-UNKNOWN CALLER: k*ll you.
(STATIC CONTINUES)
(SOMBER MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
WOMAN 2:
By 79', the East Area r*pist
moved south.
In Goleta, Santa Barbara
we see the next attack.
I know that it's
the same person.
WOMAN 2: The k*ller's pleasure
was derived
from raising the stakes.
WOMAN 3: Michelle ultimately
came up with
the name
Golden State k*ller.
MAN: It was her first
major piece of writing.
WOMAN 3: That story exploded.
I said that I would represent
that book,
if she wanted to turn it
into one.
MAN 2: The hope is that by
having greater public attention,
the right person will
give the right tip.
(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(SEABIRDS SQUAWKING)
MICHELLE MCNAMARA:
What was I thinking last night?
I let myself get drunk
and fall into a trap
but with a married man
with children?
I did not want that to happen.
REPORTER: It's far from being
an isolated incident.
Several thousand people
have died
since the start of the troubles
between Protestant Unionists
-and Roman Catholic
-MICHELLE: I live in this house
with five troubled
men and women,
providing a sort of counseling
role model type of support.
REPORTER 2: the latest in
a line of b*mb attacks
on Northern Ireland towns.
MICHELLE:
After about a month in Belfast,
my boss's behavior changed
from calming any fears I had
about potentially
dangerous scenarios
to something more serious.
He talked wistfully
about managing bands in London,
leopard skin pants,
his perpetually aggrieved wife.
I let him press against me.
While I was alarmed
and distressed by his behavior,
he was also my supervisor,
and he had created it
so I was very dependent on him.
(READS)
I'm going home,
or at least away from here.
("AVALANCHE"
BY AIMEE MANN PLAYING) ♪
Well, I stepped
Into an avalanche ♪
It covered up my soul ♪
When I am not this hunchback
That you see ♪
I sleep beneath
The golden hill ♪
You who wish to conquer pain ♪
You must learn
Learn to serve me well ♪
(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
(INTERCOM DINGS)
PILOT: Again, good morning,
ladies and gentlemen.
I'd like to welcome you
back on board flight
-(PHONE PINGS)
-TEDDY SYKES: (ON SCREEN)
You hate me, right?
-I'm sorry?
-No, I'm kidding. We're buds.
But I'm the Vice President's
Chief of Staff.
You know,
you came to see him directly,
I didn't know
you were coming, so
-(PHONE PINGS)
-JONAH RYAN: Oh, I'm sorry
(PHONE PINGS CONTINUOUSLY)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
KERA BOLONIK: As a writer,
I know that the one thing
you don't say to a friend
who's working on a book is,
"How's the book going?"
But I just wanted
to just check in
and see how she was doing
and was she coming to the city
any time soon,
so I said,
"Hey. How's it going?
I really miss you."
-Then I see her note pop up.
-(MESSAGE PINGS)
Writing your first book
is really hard.
But she was great.
And she was really hard-working.
So I wasn't really that worried.
DANIEL GREENBERG: As the months
and months went by,
her deadline coming closer,
she wasn't done
or really close to being done.
Let me see if I have
anything else in here from her.
I know that there were deadlines
that she missed.
And I remember her being
very, very worried about that,
and I'm like,
"Call your agent right now,
and he will tell you,
everyone misses their deadline."
The deadlines were things
she put on herself.
You know,
"I want to be reliable.
I want to be a professional."
KERA: She was a perfectionist.
And she was doing
two things at once.
She was writing a book,
and she was trying
to solve a case.
The fact that these two things
were combined,
that's not a typical
writing experience.
DANIEL: Oh, here's one.
MICHELLE:
Hi, Daniel (READS)
DANIEL: "Santa Barbara Hotel.
I left my hotel exactly twice."
MICHELLE:
The writing is going well.
I can turn in another
big batch of pages,
but I personally feel
it's too soon to deliver it
as a final manuscript.
DANIEL: "And as I've told you
on a personal level,
I can't continue at this pace
with this material.
My gut says that I should
come to New York City soon"
MICHELLE: soon,
to meet with you and Jennifer.
I can share with you guys
a few developments
that are exciting.
-(BELLS JINGLING)
-(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
JENNIFER BARTH:
I do remember that last time
when she was in New York
in December of 2015.
MICHELLE: Oh, hi.
Thank you so much
for talking to me.
This has been, uh
JENNIFER: And I think
Michelle was a little nervous.
So she came fully prepared.
She had a presentation.
She was, um,
had all the reasons lined up.
MICHELLE: Through various
twists and turns,
pleas and persuasion,
I'm being allowed to go down
to the Orange County
Sheriff's Department
and enter their EAR/ONS room,
a room which apparently
hasn't been entered in years.
It's an obvious opportunity
to help advance the case.
JENNIFER: She said this huge
treasure trove of files
was going to be handed to her.
And there was no way
she wasn't gonna go through it.
I think we sort of went
back and forth
and debated the pros and cons,
but it pretty quickly
was clear that
we all kinda thought,
like, yeah,
give-- you know,
take the time.
MICHELLE: Okay, well,
I will not take up
any more of your time.
You-- This has been awesome.
JENNIFER:
It was partially the case,
but it was also
partially Michelle
and how she just enlisted people
to her cause
and to her passion for it.
In retrospect,
I-- I wonder if she knew
that she was a little consumed,
and that maybe
maybe part of her wanted
an artificial deadline
to-- to be set.
But I was so curious about what
she was gonna find out next.
You had this sense
that you were going down
this dark corridor,
and there were more
and more doors opening faster,
and that she was gonna
get through the last one,
like it was a matter of time.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(MESSAGE PINGS)
(MESSAGE PINGS)
(MESSAGE PINGS)
(MESSAGE PINGS)
CROWD: Six, five, four,
three, two, one!
Happy New Year!
-(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
-(FIREWORKS BOOM)
RADIO HOST:
And good morning to you.
The new year is upon us.
Happy New Year to everyone.
Thanks for
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(TYPING ON KEYBOARD)
MICHELLE: (READS)
-ALICE RIGNEY OSWALT: Now?
-MICHELLE: Yeah.
"When I was little,
even young boys
were expected to work.
-All least"
-MICHELLE: Also.
ALICE: "Also loved animals."
MICHELLE: Feeling Xanaxy
without a Xanax.
(KETTLE WHISTLES)
(TELEVISION CHATTER)
-(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-(MESSAGE PINGS)
(MESSAGE PINGS)
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
When Michelle suggested
that we motorcade into Santa Ana
in two separate SUVs
with the expectation
that we would be leaving
with the motherlode,
as we dubbed it,
from the Orange County
Sheriff's Department,
um, you know, I was skeptical.
Law enforcement agencies
don't just let private citizens
take what they want.
MICHELLE: I don't necessarily
think we'll be allowed
to pull off my heist-like plan.
But I'd like to be prepared
for the possibility.
Honestly, I feel like
this is the best chance
of solving the case.
(MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪
(MESSAGES PING)
(CAR LOCK BEEPS)
(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
PAUL HAYNES:
We met the homicide investigator
who had inherited the case
from Larry Pool.
And Michelle chatted with him
for about 40 minutes.
And I could feel
the energy in the room shift
from kinda
smug skepticism to awe.
Then he led us to the box room.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
MICHELLE: The unsolved section
of a property room
is tainted with disappointment.
Fringed purse.
Embroidered tunic.
Items from lives defined
by violent death.
It's the to-do list
that's never done.
Now, it seemed that the weather
in the property room,
always an oppressive gray,
had lifted,
and light beamed down
on the monotony
of cardboard boxes.
Everyone basked
in the possibilities.
It was a heady feeling,
the idea that one could reverse
the flow of power.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(PHONE PINGS)
HAYNES: As we're loading
the Bankers boxes
into the backs of the SUVs,
the undersheriff appears.
And he had no idea
what was unfolding.
And Michelle was like, you know,
"Let-- Let's pick up the pace
and get out of here before
people change their minds."
MICHELLE: Dammit.
HAYNES:
It really felt like a heist.
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(MESSAGE PINGS)
(MESSAGES PING)
(MESSAGE PINGS)
HAYNES: The problem
with a case like this is that
there's very little
that has been known for sure
about this offender.
We knew that he's a white male
born sometime
between 1940 and 1960.
MICHELLE: The height
seems pretty consistent.
HAYNES: We knew that he was
roughly five-nine, five-ten
MICHELLE: He's anywhere from
five-eight to maybe five-ten.
The shoe size
is nine and a half.
HAYNES: and was
in the Sacramento area
in the mid to late '70s.
Everything else has just been
an unknown variable
and a possible
and the most significant
of those was Visalia.
Hello. I'm Scott Devenney
and for the next few minutes,
I invite you to visit
one of America's
hardest working cities,
as you discover Visalia.
MICHELLE:
In the town of Visalia,
there was this ransacker
who I mean just down
to the strangest details
totally mirrors
the-- the East Area r*pist.
MELANIE BARBEAU: If you look
at the Visalia cases,
they're very much
things that he did
-in all his r*pe cases.
-(EMPTY DIAL TONE)
He took trinkets
that would be more
of something personal
and close to a victim.
There were many times
where valuables
were left behind.
MICHELLE:
And the burglaries are all--
they have one earring
taken sometime--
just very specific things
that are very quirky.
Both offenders used
the same specific phrase
in phone calls they made
to victims,
which was, um, "I'm going
to come over and f*ck you."
MICHELLE: The Visalia Ransacker
was really into
going through lingerie.
He would take out and leave it
just sort of arrayed around.
So, you know,
it could be a coincidence,
it's a mighty coincidence though
if it's not him, I think.
(PAPER TEARING)
MELANIE: I never was
a hundred percent
he wasn't Visalia
or 100 percent he was.
But these numerous burglaries
and peepings
and masturbation
and just that type of behavior,
I do think could have led
to his real fantasy,
which was r*pe.
And I also think
that the only reason
he left Visalia
is because, um,
Bill McGowen saw him.
MICHELLE: (READS)
where tennis shoe impressions
had been observed
under the bedroom window.
(POLICE RADIO CHATTER)
McGowen waited.
(CHATTER CONTINUES)
A figure appeared
in the garage doorway
and looked around.
A chase ensued.
But the suspect escaped.
(SIRENS WAILING)
A month later, Detective McGowen
was hypnotized.
HYPNOTIST: Okay, um
MICHELLE: The hypnotist quietly
encouraged McGowen to relax.
HYPNOTIST:
MICHELLE: Legs were uncrossed,
fists unclenched,
breathing deepened.
HYPNOTIST:
(POLICE RADIO CHATTER)
(g*nsh*t)
MICHELLE: When McGowen
fired a warning shot,
the suspect gestured
in surrender.
"Oh my God, don't hurt me,"
he squeaked
in an oddly mannered,
high pitched voice.
"See, my hands are up!"
Remembering the moment
during hypnosis
pulled McGowen
into a deeper trance.
He fixated
on the face illuminated
in the beam of his flashlight.
"Baby, round,
soft-looking baby.
Doesn't even shave.
Very light skin."
McGowen started over the fence
to arrest him,
but the Ransacker had raised
only his right hand
in surrender.
With his left hand,
he withdrew
a blue steel revolver
-from his coat pocket.
-(g*nsh*t)
I fell down, uh, the--
the impact knocked me back
and, uh
the, uh, projectile went
into the end of my flashlight,
which is a Kel-Lite,
the big metal one,
and, uh, it went through
several batteries
and lodged in the back portion
of the flashlight.
MICHELLE: The Ransacker struck
as many as 130 times
over a period
of less than two years.
But once the composite sketch
based on Bill McGowen's run-in
with the Ransacker
was released to local press,
he never struck Visalia again.
The EAR series began
in Sacramento
just six months later.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
REPORTER:
The article suggests a link
between the East Area r*pist
and Visalia.
But at the Sacramento
Sheriff's Department,
the information
is branded as false
and the Visalia
Police Department
is being labeled
as irresponsible
for suggesting that connection.
MICHELLE: I just don't put a lot
of stock in that composite.
He was wearing a mask
and the guy was taking it off
when he kind of shot at him.
HOLES: Well,
there's other burglary victims
-that saw the Ransacker.
-MICHELLE: Okay.
HOLES: And so
they took that composite
to those other victims
and they said,
"Yeah, that's the guy I saw."
So, it kind of gives
further credence
-this was the Ransacker.
-MICHELLE: I see. I see.
HOLES:
Now, the very first EAR
sees the EAR standing
in her doorway
and he's nude
from the waist down
and she goes, "He's slim built."
Broad-shouldered,
well-proportioned,
but slim.
So, six months
after Visalia Ransacker,
-and now he's a skinny guy?
-MICHELLE: Mm-hmm. (LAUGHS)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
MICHELLE: There can only be
so many white males
born between these years
who have connections
to these towns,
so really it is
kind of just get--
winnowing it down, you know.
Have your feelings changed
over the years about sort of
what brought him to all these
different places, work wise?
What about real estate?
Will you be surprised
if he doesn't have a record?
MAN: I will.
MICHELLE: Do you feel like
he was thinking like a cop?
I'm not sure if I'm reading
too much into that.
I've heard that the whole
dishes thing was something
that may have happened
in Vietnam,
so I, you know, I'm not sure
he wasn't a vet
-or something like that.
-MAN: Right. Wow.
MICHELLE: Yeah.
One of the, um, things
that the r*pe victims tell me
that he did a couple times
which just is so weird to me,
is after the r*pe
he would go into the corner
-and start sobbing and, um
-LARRY CROMPTON: Yes.
He would say,
"Bonnie is gonna hate me,"
-or that type of thing.
-MICHELLE: Yeah.
That must have just been
some kind of thing with him.
CROMPTON: Yeah.
MICHELLE: And I don't even know
what that could be, but yeah.
I read about a case every day
that's solved by DNA
and it's just some guy
who just is living quietly
for the last 25 years
of his life,
he met some woman that liked him
and had ki--
you know, I would--
I just won't be surprised
if it turns out, um,
that he's compartmentalized
this part of his life
or something.
MARY RITA SKRINE:
Oh, hey, Mish. It's Mary Rita.
We're flying into LA so, um,
wanted to see
if you guys were around.
So just call me whenever.
Thanks. Bye.
In March,
I took my two kids
to LA for spring break.
And she was so excited
that we were there.
First, she got the 23andMe.
She's talking about our DNA.
(LAUGHS)
And she was so excited.
And she's going through her--
all the results and telling
my kids about everything.
MICHELLE:
You guys know what 23andMe is?
-MAN: Mm-hmm.
-MICHELLE: Okay.
I did it like four years ago.
I get an email
about every week that says,
"Hey, we found
your second cousin.
We found" whatever.
The chances that someone
in his greater family are--
is in 23andMe is pretty high.
So, she started
to talk about the case,
and she said, "You guys want
to see the boxes?"
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
She just poured out
all these
details about the case
and how excited she was,
and all you did was hope
that she could solve it.
I remember her
slowing down the writing,
because she couldn't write
until she went through
all of this stuff.
And I'm not sure
if I heard from her again
after that.
Every available hour
from late January of 2016
until April 21, 2016, was spent
reviewing or interacting with
our new acquisition.
The motherlode.
MICHELLE: It's beyond
a treasure trove of info.
I have to think there's at least
an 80 percent chance
his name is buried
in here somewhere.
HAYNES: We were following ideas
and suspects
and theories and leads
or, uh,
she would spot something
that wasn't
thoroughly investigated
or not followed up on.
There was material in there
that us other investigators
had never seen.
And so,
as she came across material
that she thought was relevant,
she did share that.
So now,
I'm looking at who this guy is.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
And I told Michelle,
"Yeah, you know, right now,
I can't eliminate him, at all."
So, Michelle was saying,
"We gotta get his DNA."
I was like, "Absolutely."
MELANIE: I can't even tell you,
when you see something
that you're looking for,
how far down
the rabbit hole you go.
I mean, I can't believe
some of the things I've done,
to tell you the truth.
(CHUCKLES)
MICHELLE: Have you ever
interacted with anyone
that you thought
might be a suspect, like?
MELANIE: Yes, I actually got DNA
on the suspect.
MICHELLE:
You-- You yourself did?
MELANIE:
Yes, and I know the suspect.
MICHELLE: Oh my gosh.
'Cause he was someone who, like,
you went to high school with
or something?
-MELANIE: I dated him.
-MICHELLE: Wow.
MELANIE:
I happened to know a guy
who was on the suspect list
and I talked him into coming
into Sacramento.
And so we have lunch.
I'm thinking I'm gonna
bag the silverware,
but I'm like,
I can't get the silverware
without him seeing me.
So, I say, "Well, why don't you
let me drive you home?"
And so, I put him in the car,
and he had a bottle of water.
And I go, "Can I have
the last sip of that water?"
And I took it and kept it
and turned it in
to be DNA tested.
MICHELLE: Wow.
Did he live in any of the areas?
MELANIE:
MICHELLE: Oh, my gosh!
MELANIE: Um
Yeah, I spend
three to four hours a day
on this case.
-I have five kids.
-MICHELLE: Right.
MELANIE: My sixth grandchild
is due any second,
and, um, I mean,
I just have a really full life,
but I'm consumed with this case.
MICHELLE: I've had
an uneasy realization
about how our frenetic searching
mirrors the compulsive behavior
of the one we seek.
The trampled flower beds.
Scratch marks on window screens.
-Crank calls.
-(STATIC CRACKLES)
We glimpse the rough outline
of what we seek,
and we get snagged on it,
sometimes remaining stuck
when we could get free
and move on.
-My song--
-MICHELLE: Wait, wait, wait.
One, two, three.
This is my song
that I want to show you.
That I learned from, uh
(PIANO MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(MESSAGE PINGS)
MICHELLE: Wow.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(MESSAGE PINGS)
(MESSAGE PINGS)
WOMAN:
Hey, Michelle. How are you?
I wanted to just go over
the placement of the tree
in the rear portion of the yard.
MAN: Hey, Michelle.
I wanted to talk to you
about the pool basically.
It's discharging water
over to the property behind you.
PATTON OSWALT:
Hey, it's Patton.
Alice got off to school okay.
Thank you for, uh, helping.
MELANIE: Good morning,
Michelle. It's Mel.
I believe it was number 21.
LARRY POOL: Hi, Michelle.
Investigator Larry Pool.
MAN 2:
There's nothing there to hide.
I understand you want to speak
with me about Janelle Cruz.
Uh, more than happy
to speak with you.
I'll, uh, I'll try again later.
Probably about ten o'clock
your time. Thank you. Goodbye.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(RECORDER BEEPS)
MICHELLE: The k*ller's
last known victim
was an 18-year-old young woman
in Irvine
named Janelle Cruz.
That was in 1986.
MICHELLE: Yeah.
It's hard to figure out.
MELANIE: The Janelle Cruz case
was very interesting to us.
You know, being 18 years old
and just so innocent
and so young.
WOMAN: Janelle!
MICHELLE: She-- You know,
I was a teenager
-around the same time.
-WOMAN: Say something!
And I-- I'd just-- even looking
at her hairstyles and stuff,
it's very familiar to me.
MAN: Walk to me, Janelle.
MICHELLE: The brief life
of Janelle Cruz
was no less tragic
than her death.
Her biological father
was long out of the picture.
When she was 15,
she was drugged and r*ped.
The crime went unreported.
On May 3rd, 1986,
her mother and stepfather
left for a vacation to Cancun.
The following evening,
a teenage coworker
hung out with Janelle
after she told him
she was lonely
with her parents out of town.
A noise outside startled them.
Janelle looked out her window
and closed the shutters.
"I think it's just the cats."
The workmate left
a short time later.
HOLES:
In the Janelle Cruz case,
relative to the previous cases,
there's a lot of similarities.
And it appears that he,
of course,
is going through the backyard.
He picked up the weapon,
likely a monkey wrench
that was present
in the backyard.
He's able to get inside
and then he binds her up
and she's r*ped
and then she's bludgeoned.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
It's important to point out
that when he attacks
Janelle Cruz,
the Golden State k*ller's
previous attack
was five years earlier
in July of 1981.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
CAROL DALY: Knowing what I know
about this man,
if I had a g*n,
I definitely would sh**t him.
And I would not sh**t
to injure,
I would sh**t
to take care of him.
CROMPTON: I believe
that he wants to k*ll,
and he will k*ll.
MICHELLE: The interesting thing
about Janelle's case
is the gap
between '81 and '86.
He obviously was stopping
for whatever reason.
(ENGINE REVVING)
It wasn't just
that he saw Janelle
and was like,
"I'm gonna k*ll her."
I think there was a combination
of, like,
she was gonna be
his next victim,
and I think it must've been some
sort of precipitating stressor,
and who knows what that was.
Maybe he just got kicked out
of his house or something,
you know, lost his job.
He was just obviously
very, very angry.
And, yeah, it's just--
it's-- it's-- it's just a very,
very sad story, and, um
and you can just only hope
that somehow, in her life--
like in that time period
around when she died,
maybe there is a clue
of, you know,
maybe she--
something she said or
So, you know, looking
into her life in that way
is interesting to me, yeah.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
Have you seen the,
um, the interview
that-- with Janelle's mom?
I mean, she kind of talks,
stream of consciousness
in a way that I thought,
"Someone who is an investigator
should listen to this."
-Janelle
-MICHELLE:
was kind of a shy girl.
She was very pretty,
very popular.
MICHELLE:
But at the same
MICHELLE:
Anyway, uh, this one night
I let her stay overnight
at her girlfriend's house.
She came home the next day,
cr-- uh, crying and--
and she wouldn't tell me why
right away,
but the man, the father
of the young girl,
uh, r*ped her.
(CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)
MELANIE:
MICHELLE: Right. Right. Yeah.
MELANIE:
MICHELLE:
-They-- They--
-MELANIE: No, but I mean
MICHELLE: Yeah. Oh, they--
-MELANIE: Yeah, I mean--
-MICHELLE: No, I--
I had a similar--
MELANIE: Mm-hmm.
MICHELLE:
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
MICHELLE: I catch myself
in urban mirrors,
store windows,
the smudged glass on the train.
Each time, I look dazed,
slightly wide-eyed,
as if I'm seeing something
unbelievable for the first time.
The neediness
of his stubby fingers
digging inside me.
The scene in Linen Hall Library,
burning eyes staring at me.
(WAVES CRASHING)
(READS)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(READS)
The conversation with Mom
and Dad really tore me apart.
I know they care immensely
and want what's best for me.
I just think sometimes,
they don't know
what's going on inside me.
I'm so angry, and then I'm not.
I'm so sad
and full of self-doubt,
and then I'm not.
Where
Where can this all lead?
g*y HARDWICK: A year
and a few months past,
uh, the attack,
we had sold the house.
And we decided to get married
in the backyard of--
of the new house
when the landscaping was put in.
So, we just had a small wedding,
with just a few close family
and friends. (CHUCKLES)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Bob is huge on moving forward
and moving on.
And that was good for me
to have somebody to grab my hand
and say
we were gonna move forward,
and we were gonna move
past this
and we were not gonna let it
destroy our life.
On the other hand,
I actually had been suffering
a lot of post-traumatic
stress symptoms.
I just was afraid
and exhausted all the time,
but I wasn't formally diagnosed
for about six years.
And the psychiatrist said,
you know,
my central nervous system has--
has been rewired
because of the trauma
that I experienced
during those hours.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
You don't live your life
the same way again, ever.
Um
you know, I'm sure you've had
your times of depression,
but you handle it
much better than me.
I wouldn't say that.
I just handle it differently.
I remember in a mediation,
a-- a attorney called
my client a liar,
and it was in a court mediation
and I just flipped out.
I just stood up and pinned
the guy against the wall.
(CHUCKLES)
I guess, then I was in--
I felt maybe I was in control.
But when you think
about what she went through,
she went through
a lot more than I went through
and then it's--
uh, but the bad part
is I could do nothing about it,
you know.
That's the--
That's the only thing.
That's
But I still think about it,
you know.
You know, you want
to protect your wife,
you want to protect your kids,
but sometimes you can't.
Well, for, you know--
you may have those feelings,
but in the past 40 years,
you've more than made up
(LAUGHS) for-- for taking,
you know, extra care of me
at times when I'm sure other men
probably would've walked away.
So
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
You learn to live
with these things
just like you learn to live
with the loss of a loved one,
and you pass through stages
and hopefully you recover.
And you become
a fully functioning human being
with a happy life.
BOB HARDWICK: I mean, I wanted
to be super wealthy one day
and she wanted to be the top
of a construction company
and we just decided
that we could start a family
and, you know,
take a different approach.
g*y: So we dialed back
and I stayed home ten years.
So, we started out with one,
and it grew to three.
And finally, to four.
Family of six.
And, uh, all the kids
have brought
great gifts to our lives.
MARY RITA:
Happy birthday, sweet sister.
I hope you're having a good day.
MARGO CHADWICK:
Hey, Mish. It's Margo.
Calling to wish you
a very happy birthday.
I love ya.
Hope everything's going well.
PATRICK SKRINE: Hey,
Aunt Michelle. It's Patrick.
I just wanted to say
happy birthday to you.
ADAM DRUCKER:
Happy birthday, beautiful.
And I hope you're having
a great night
doing something fun
with your family.
I love you
very, very, very much.
Bye, baby.
-(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-(MESSAGE PINGS)
(MESSAGE PINGS)
(MESSAGE PINGS)
(MESSAGE PINGS)
(GIGGLING)
Look, see, she knows
what she's talking about.
She-- wait. She don't know.
No, no, no.
He looks nervous and scared.
Yeah. And he's like
PATTON: She was still
very much a mom and a wife
and a friend.
(CHEERING)
PATTON: But the further
she got into this,
it was clear that she had
a real shot at solving this.
ALICE:
Hi, Mom. Call you later.
MICHELLE: Little Dom's
and old police files.
Miss you guys so much.
Remember to tell Alice
Mommy loves her
and can't wait to be finished
with her book,
so that I can be with her more
than she'll ever want me to be.
PATTON: That can really pull you
into some depths that you can't
get yourself back out of.
MICHELLE: Holy mother of God.
I came across a shitload
of photos in my boxes.
A whole shoebox full.
f*cking monster.
I'd never seen
the Smith scene in Ventura.
Bludgeoned with a log
from firewood pile
outside house.
Bark everywhere.
But I will say,
crime scene wise,
there is something very striking
about how eerily similar
the individual crime scenes are.
There's something so, um
uh, I can't-- I wish
I could articulate it,
the way he-- he walks
around people's houses
and the way he destroys them.
And sort of hangs out and eats.
That's why I just don't think
this is like pure sexual sadism.
I think
there was something else,
you know,
going on there psychologically.
It's so, um, king-- "I am king"
and how, you know, this is--
He just-- it's so--
it's so unusual to have someone
who just actually wants
to ruin your home,
where it's like so--
it's like he got
to the emotional center
of people's lives
and just wanted to destroy that.
PATTON: (YAWNS)
Hey, it's, uh, it's Patton.
Try to call me in, like,
uh, ten minutes
'cause I'm kinda
falling asleep here.
I'd love to talk to you.
MICHELLE: (READS)
PATTON: It was a lot
of sleeplessness and insomnia.
There must have been days
where she was, like,
"I'll take Adderall
in the morning.
I'll take, you know, Xanax
and Vicodin to get to sleep
because I'm--
this is for a better--
this is for a bigger purpose
than me."
(TAPE RECORDER REWINDS)
DREW WITTHUHN: But if you wanna
just run through, I
-I don't mind.
-MICHELLE: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, totally. Yeah.
DREW:
So, uh, the night before
CSI released the house
MICHELLE: Mm-hmm.
DREW: I really wasn't allowed
to get anywhere near it.
MICHELLE: Right.
DREW:
Um, they called and said, "Okay,
you know,
we're releasing the home,
so now you guys can go in
and-- and basically clean up.
Because at the time,
they didn't have companies
that specialized in crime scenes
and-- and biohazard things
and things like that.
And I felt a responsibility
to my brother
to make this crime scene
no longer a crime scene.
Let's turn it back into a home.
-DREW: And, uh
-MICHELLE:
DREW:
MICHELLE: Oh, wow.
(DOOR CREAKING)
DREW: We went into the bedroom
and took a look around,
and it wasn't a pretty sight.
You know,
it's not the kinda thing
you want to remember
if you don't have to.
He had a very intricate
brass bed,
which took a long time to clean
because there was,
you know,
blood spatter everywhere.
And on the carpet
and the wall behind it.
MICHELLE: Mm-hmm.
DREW: And we cleaned it up
as well as we could.
MICHELLE: And this is before
David has seen it.
So, yeah, you're protecting
him from it, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
DREW: When we finally left
the house
and everything was done,
the autopilot was almost
turned off, if that makes sense.
And the rush of emotion,
it just overwhelmed me.
My thoughts were of my brother
and of my sister-in-law.
And I have no idea why,
to this day I don't,
but at that very moment,
I mourned for my dad.
MICHELLE: Wow. Oh, my gosh.
DREW:
-And he
-MICHELLE:
DREW: You know, it's one
of those things, and I--
It's hard to say.
We really don't know.
-MICHELLE: Yeah, yeah.
-DREW: But, um,
it kinda all hit us
like a ton of bricks, obviously.
-MICHELLE: Yeah.
-DREW: He says, come here
-MICHELLE: Right.
-DREW:
-MICHELLE: Oh. Oh, Drew. Gosh.
-DREW: And so
DREW:
MICHELLE: Oh, my God.
-DREW: I-- I never--
-MICHELLE:
DREW:
MICHELLE: Oh, God.
DREW:
-MICHELLE: Yeah.
-DREW: So It's not easy.
It's not easy for anybody.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
EAST AREA r*pist:
Gonna k*ll you.
Gonna k*ll you.
Gonna k*ll you.
(MESSAGE PINGS)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(MESSAGE PINGS)
(MESSAGE PINGS)
(MESSAGE PINGS)
MICHELLE: If you commit a m*rder
and then vanish,
what you leave behind
isn't just pain,
but absence.
A supreme blankness
that triumphs
over everything else.
The unidentified m*rder*r
is always twisting a doorknob
behind a door that never opens.
But his power evaporates
the moment you know him.
(EXHALES)
Okay.
Letter to an Old Man.
You were your approach.
The thump against the fence.
A temperature dip from
a jimmied-open patio door.
A blade at the base of the neck.
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
Your fantasies ran deep,
but they never tripped you up.
(READS)
Not me.
I think you bailed
when the world began to change.
It's true,
age must have slowed you.
But your heyday prowess
has no value anymore.
Virtual windows are opening
all around you.
You, the master watcher,
are an aging,
lumbering target
in their crosshairs.
A ski mask won't help you now.
One day soon, you'll hear a car
pull up to your curb,
an engine cut out.
You'll hear footsteps
coming up your front walk.
The doorbell rings.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
-(DOG BARKING)
-No side gates are left open.
You're long past
leaping over a fence.
Take one of your hyper,
gulping breaths,
clench your teeth, inch timidly
toward the insistent bell.
(READS)
Open the door,
show us your face.
Walk into the light.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(MESSAGE PINGS)
(MESSAGE PINGS)
(MESSAGE PINGS)
(FOOTSTEPS)
(DOOR CREAKS OPEN)
(BLANKETS RUSTLING)
(PHONE DIALING 911)
(PHONE RINGING)
PATTON: I-- I need
an ambulance here right now.
An EMT team right now.
DISPATCHER:
Okay, sir, listen to me.
We're gonna send you help.
Okay?
How old is your wife?
PATTON: I'm calling
from this address right now.
Please, please send
the ambulance right now.
DISPATCHER: Sir, I'm sending you
help there now. Okay?
Help is on the way. Stay on
(SIRENS WAILING)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
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01x04 - The Motherlode
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Michelle McNamara lived a quiet life, but as her family slept, she spent the night investigating and writing a book about the Golden State k*ller, delving into the world of online chat rooms and crime blogs.
Michelle McNamara lived a quiet life, but as her family slept, she spent the night investigating and writing a book about the Golden State k*ller, delving into the world of online chat rooms and crime blogs.