Order! Order in the court!
We won't stand for this
obscenity any more, your honor.
The good people of Pristine county
feel there is no place,
for a fraternity of nekkid people
to corrupt our innocent children.
Up yours!
You stupid no-good
Bible-thumping globs of eye puss!
The human body is a
beautiful thing!
Mrs. Druple!
It's prudist limp dicks like you that
screw up children in the first place.
Back to your seat!
Tight-a*s buttheads...
Mrs. Druple, please!
Listen, sister,
...nudity didn't work for Adam and Eve
and it's not gonna work for you.
If God had wanted us
to walk around naked,
he wouldn't have
made little animals,
for us to cut up and
make fur coats out of...
Your honor, we see this as Satan's way
of trying to distract our citizens,
from reading their Bibles
and going to church.
I have a petition here,
signed by every God loving
member of this community,
who can write.
And they insist that that
sinful place be closed down,
before it spreads throughout the
community,
like video games did in '82,
or colored condoms in '86.
Just because you can't stand
looking at your own bodies,
doesn't mean you can
deprive us of our rights.
Your rights?
Stop, for Jesus says they do.
And Jesus doesn't like nudity.
Well Jesus must love hemorrhoids,
because he's sure got a lot
of assholes behind him!
You'll burn for that one,
you old bitty!
Oh?!
Nobody calls ME old!
What? Let me out!
That's enough!
All of you.
Your assholes are so tight,
you need a crowbar
to help you sh*t!
Mrs. Druple!
Please, please.
Look at the turmoil and unrest
that this has caused over the years.
I won't stand for
this any longer.
I must make a decision
to keep the peace.
Therefore,
I am declaring that
the nudist camp
should be closed down
within 72 hours.
And the land may be used for
recreation by the Church,
in any manner that it sees fit.
Over my dead body!
You can't do that,
you can't just take away our land!
Mr. Trickle,
the land on which your nudist
colony resides is city property.
It is leased by you or
is not owned by you.
You have no claim to it.
And it is my duty to do
whatever is necessary
to please the majority
of the citizens.
The MAJORITY of the citizens!
But, but we...
And I further order YOU
to cover those things up!
Or, or tie 'em down...
or something!
This court is dismissed.
Praise the Lord!
Good going, uncle Bob!
...sorry.
I'm pissed!
I'm pissed...
I'm pissed!
I'm cold.
I know it's a shame but this
is the only dignified way out.
Shame, shame, shame...
Most of our other members
have bailed out on us.
But we who remain are
the true soldiers!
Yeah, soldiers...
But the fight is over and,
well, the verdict is in.
I've heard enough of this
God damn bullchips!
We lost the w*r, so let's take
the God damn poison already!
Do you mind?
Some of us younger ones
haven't lived as long as
...others.
Are you calling me old?
Moses would call you old!
Nobody calls me old!
Stop it, Mrs. Druple!
Please stop it!
He's not the enemy.
I appreciate your
sense of urgency but,
this isn't easy for me either.
I've been a member here
since I was a child.
I know, I used to powder
your g*dd*mn butt!
Yes, I'm aware of that,
Mrs. Druple.
Pissed on me once too,
you know.
That's enough,
Mrs. Druple!
Got me right in the eye.
Everyone!
If we're all ready...
I'd like to say something
before we bite the weenies!
What is it now,
Mrs. Druple?
I just...
I wanna say that...
I feel an anger toward those
no good devout butt warts!
An anger that I know I'm
gonna take to my grave.
They're the ones
who k*lled us!
They're the ones who are
responsible for ALL of this!
We'll all take this
to the grave, Mrs. Druple.
You know that it's
deeper than that!
I wanna tell you,
g*ng-gummit!
If there's a way to
get even with them,
Goggammit, I'm gonna!
In fact,
since I'm being profound...
I denounce this land from
all religious fart bubbles!
May any God-damn bible-thumpin'
pile of monkey smegma,
who walks on these grounds,
be tormented by our spirits!
Whaddya think of that!
We all share your emotions,
Mrs. Druple.
I'm sure that, none of us
here will rest in peace.
It ain't fair!
This is a nudity colony,
gag-gummit!
A nudity colony!
We didn't go to their
g*dd*mn church and
...and complain because there are
altar boys who wore dresses, did we?
No.
It aint fair!
I know.
Life sucks worse than...
my ex-wife.
For sure.
That's for sure...
And that is why we choose...
to die!
L'chaim!
Up yours!
This ain't the end of it.
I'm coming back.
And when I do,
I'm gonna
kick some holy a*s!
There's a place
where evil dwells,
home to naked
guys and gals,
and one thing
that should be said
of the residence of dead.
If you visit,
you will pay,
and your butt will
rot away.
You may think that
it seems crude,
but the corpses are
all nude.
Nudist Colony of the Dead
Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead!
Nudist Colony of the Dead
Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead!
Better go to church instead,
than nudist colony of the dead.
Hanging there
can do you harm,
you could lose
a foot or arm!
Keep away
from open graves,
blood is what
these nudists crave.
They will k*ll you
with a grin,
while their nuts
are dangling.
They will squeeze
the life from you,
in a pool of
massive goo.
Ooh.
Nudist Colony of the Dead!
Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead!
Nudist Colony of the Dead!
Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead!
You will likely be
torn to shreds,
at the nudist
colony of the dead.
You'll be shaking
in your boots
by corpses
in their birthday suits.
The horror mounts,
the terror grows,
these monsters
have no use for clothes!
They are dead
without a doubt,
and their butts
are sticking out!
k*lling people
to and fro,
decomposing as they go.
You'll get m*rder*d merrily,
by dead folks
without modesty.
They'll k*ll and hurt
and chop and maim,
exposings gonads
with no shame.
Nudist Colony of the Dead
Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead!
Nudist Colony of the Dead
Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead!
There's one place
we all dread...
It's the nudist colony,
Nudist Colony of the Dead.
Nudist colony,
nudist of the dead
Nudist colony,
nudist colony of the dead
Nudist colony,
nudist of the dead
Nudist colony,
nudist colony of the dead
Nudist colony,
nudist of the dead.
Nudist colony, nudist colony
of the dead.
Nudist colony...
NUDIST COLONY OF THE DEAD!
Jesus, Jesus,
A-B-C-sus,
H-I-J-K-
L-M-N-O-P-sus,
Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-
X-Y-Z-sus.
No I say to you,
my brethren
...and my sistren.
We must keep morality
in this town.
Praise God!
Praise the Lord!
Hallelujah!
Are you aware,
of what our sons and
daughters are doing,
in the back of
their automobiles,
with their male dingly parts
and female squishy organs?
No. No.
They're hein' and
shein' back there!
You know what I mean?
No...
Fornication!
That's right!
Fornication!
'Forn',
from the Latin word 'forthefunofit',
which means,
'lust of the body's cavities.'
'Nic', from the Greek word
'nictory'
which means...
'plunger of nooks and crannies'.
And 'cation'...
derived from the Swahili word
'cationinis',
which means...
'to tingle one's extremities'.
Fornication!
They're doin' it.
I seen them doin' it!
I've heard them doin' it!
I have pictures
of them doing it!
We must do somethin'!
And somethin' we will do!
Praise God!
Hallelujah!
Praise Jesus!
I tell you what we're
gonna do about it.
I am organising a retreat
at Camp Cutchaguzz'out
next month.
A retreat that can turn
our pagan children
from the fornicating scum
that they have become!
...into the immaculate
humanitarians,
our Lord intended them to be.
Alright.
Yeah.
They will be kept in an environment
of divinity and spirituality,
so intense,
they'll come home
peein' holy water!
Yeah. Yeah, reverend.
Remember,
your children can't
praise the Lord,
if they've got
genitals in their mouth!
No, they can't.
Excuse me, Reverend Ritz.
Question,
Mr. McRighteous?
Are you aware that Camp Cutchaguzz'out
was once a nudist colony?
Aware of it?
It was through the
sanctity of this church
that it got closed
down a-five years ago.
I understand the residents,
rather than give up the land,
...k*lled themselves.
So?
And are you aware of what happened
to the last group of kids,
who went there on a retreat
two years ago?
I believe there was
a bit of a tiff.
All the kids were m*rder*d.
And I understand the group, that went
before them a couple of years earlier,
...were also m*rder*d.
Bite your pagan tongue, sinner!
All those deaths
could have been accidental!
Who ever heard
of 47 deaths...
by accidentally walking
into a tree shredder?
Ugh! Gruesome!
I heard the ranger of the park was
an eyewitness to the last murders,
...and he said, they were committed
by the dead nudists,
risen from the grave!
You been drinking the
holy water, McRighteous?
How could dead people
rise from the grave?
It's stupid!
It's absurd!
Anyway, that's all fornication
under the sheets...
And I'm not gonna let
...disrupt my plans for building a
decent generation of youths!
Now who's with me?!
Very good.
Start writin' those checks!
Our children will have the
experience of their lives!
I don't wanna hear
any more complaints.
This trip is
for your own good.
I'll be bored out of my skull.
Come on, mom.
Would you give me a break?
I don't need to go on
a religious rejoice.
'Retreat',
it's called a 'retreat'.
And you won't get bored,
there's plenty of fun things going on.
Like what?
Like reading bible stories,
doing bible games,
bible trivia...
Gosh, I wish I were
...I'd go along.
Well I wish I were 30 years older,
so I could make you.
That's enough out of you,
young lady! You're going.
And that's that.
I won't know anybody.
That's not true.
Fanny's going on this retreat.
She's in some of your classes.
Fanny?
Fanny Wype?
Well she's a certifiable crackpot.
She won't even eat
deviled eggs,
cause she thinks they come
from possessed chickens.
Anyway,
you'll make some new friends.
You know the kind of people
that go on these things.
Kids with serious
personality problems.
...Kids with attitudes
just like you.
It's time we parents
put our feet down.
You're going.
You'll like it and you'll
be a better person for it.
Say, what did I forget here...
We're twenty kids
on a quest to be good,
God's gonna show us
the way!
We'd like to get high and
have sex if we could,
Every single day.
You may think that we have strayed
down on life's evil path.
But we would rather
touch peepees,
than study on math.
We're supposed to pretend
that our groins don't exist,
God's gonna show us
the way!
Whenever we use them our
folks all get pissed,
God's gonna show us
the way!
It's a shame that our folks
have to send us to this,
They'd rather see us pray.
They would like us to stop with
our sex, drugs and booze.
With all of their nagging,
you'd think they were Jews.
But we know we're Christians
so how can we lose?
God's gonna show us
the way!
So now here we are on
this godly retreat,
God's gonna show us
the way!
To turn us around gonna
be quite a feat,
But we are forced
to obey.
The teachers who are with
have a mission to try,
by making a saint
out of each girl and guy.
We think it'd be nice,
if they'd eat sh*t and die!
God's gonna show us,
God's gonna show us,
God's gonna show us
the way!
Sinners!
I don't know why I was
forced to go on this trip.
I have no problem
with my spirituality.
I don't fornicate,
I don't masturbate,
...I don't even punctuate.
Want a fritter?
No, thanks.
I mean part of a convoy
with a group of sinners?
It's just not my style.
Oh, a h* h*!
No, thank you.
I think my parents are afraid,
cause there's seeds of corruption,
...lying dormant in my genes,
cause there's fornication in my family.
Cherry?
No, thank you.
Good morning, radies!
Can we meetchu?
The very fact that
you've asked me this,
...is proof that the Lord our
God wanted us to meet.
What did I tell you, Rou?
Didn't I tell you
they look mirable?
My name is Tu.
Juan Tu.
Well that's an unusual name.
Yeah, my mother was Mexican
and my dad was Japanese.
Oh, um...
Pleased to meet you.
I'm Fanny Wype.
And this a, this a Rou.
Rou Jobee.
He don't speak too much.
The Bible says,
'Speak without lust in ye
heart and ye speak limply.'
– Psalms 73, chapter 10,
Mobile 1.
Of course when he does speak,
he can drive you clazy.
Rou, turn around!
The Bible says,
'He who turneth the other cheek,
needeth more toilet paper.'
– Jeremiah, chapter 2, verse 9,
Rocky 4.
That Lou's a nice guy.
Yeah. Sure is.
Do you rub it?
No, I'm afraid I might do
it wrong and make a mess.
I can't believe you've
never done it before.
Look, you gotta knead
it with your hands,
...gently going around and around,
as you get to the tip.
Was it hard last
time you touched it?
Oh yeah!
Like a mountain top!
I wouldn't worry about it.
It's only a zep.
Just let it go away on its own.
Bumpy road.
Bumpy.
Could be the tires.
Could be.
Probably the road.
Probably.
You excited?
Naw.
That's just my keys.
I don't mean right now.
I mean are you excited
about this trip?
Naw.
Just goin' for the money.
You go to the bathroom
before we left?
Uh-uh.
Didn't have to.
You?
Naw.
Should have though.
Why?
Coloured guy knocking
at the back door.
Can't let him out now.
He'll have to wait.
I know.
It's just a-huffin' and
a-puffin' right now.
I know.
Bumpy road.
Bumpy.
I wonder if the counselors are
gonna be on our backs this whole trip.
I don't know.
I hope not, I'd sure like to get
one of the boys inside for a little
Ding Dong?
You gotta cally that thing
all the time we on trip?
The Bible says,
'Carry thee always with thine eyes,
and I shall dust with flesh.'
– Matthew, chapter 17, verse 3,
Ocean's 11.
You so full of sh*t,
you eyes are brown.
Burn, heathen!
The Bible says,
'Cast ye not stones,
lest ye be stoned.'
– Luke, chapter 5, verse 3,
Seagrams 7.
I think – you stoned!
Reckon we're here.
Whatcha lookin' for?
Place to squat and plop.
Brown guy still
waiting at the door?
Already got his foot out.
FEE FI FO FUM,
I smell the blood of
a Bible thump...er.
So, you be in charge...
Be you?
Ya'll from that church that
once closed this place down
when it were a nudist camp?
And yet you still have the ba*ls
to come to this place?
Does ya'll know what
happened before?
I mean, what happened to the last
group that came from your church?
We're well aware of the accident
that took place a couple of years ago.
It wadn't no accident!
I was here that night.
I seed it all...
I even told the guy that
be runnin' your church
that this place ain't
safe for yo' kind.
I told him that befo'!
What's a beefo'?
For making honey,
I guess.
When this place were a nudist camp,
the residents kept to themselves.
Then you holy dudes come
around and shut it down.
And the nudists get
pissed off, big time!
I know, I know...
And the remaining nudists
all poisoned themselves,
rather than
give up their land.
We all know that story.
When I first took the
job as ranger here,
the guy that was ranger befo' me
tried to tell me 'bout
what he once seed.
I didn't believe him.
But the one night,
...I seed fo' myself.
And I seed the dead walk these parts,
whenever you religious folk drop by.
And every time...
They be murderin'.
What's a 'seed'?
For sproutin' plants.
I SEED 'EM!
Them nudist corpses...
They walk!
They talk!
sh*t, they f*cking dance!
I know what they
capable of doin'!
Well what exactly have you seen?
It happened one night,
about two years ago.
I heard a noise,
outside my door.
I hear there's a scream, says
'let me go',
Then an ugly old sound
and I don't hear no more.
A gurgly sound and
he don't hear no more.
I says to myself,
someone's been doin' wrong.
Somebody's where
they don't belong.
I opens the door,
and what does I see?
A bloody old head,
staring back up at me.
A bloody old head,
staring back up at he.
That bloody old head
belonged to a girl,
The prettiest girl
in this whole damn world.
So I picks up the phone,
and calls the cops,
And then thru the window,
the rest of her flops.
And then through the window,
the rest of her flops.
The phone's disconnected,
that's easy to see.
And I says
that there trouble be.
I runs outside
and what does I found?
15 more kids,
all sprawled on the ground.
15 more kids,
all sprawled on the ground.
Uuh-uuh,
Uuh-uuh,
Uuh-uuh-uuh.
Now one of these stabbed
and one of these shot.
And thru look like
they're startin' to rot.
They all been breaked
at those rough attacks,
By dumb dung crazy maniacs.
What? Where? Maniacs?
This ghastly sight
made me lose my stance,
And I dumped a load
inside my pants.
Then I hears a grunt
from off the side,
And sees one poor kid
aint quite died.
One poor kid ain't died.
Ain't a quite right died.
He calls me over,
and then he said,
The dudes to blaim,
be nude and dead.
He say, they be nudists
of the past,
and now they're back
to kick some a*s.
Now they're back!
They're back!
To kick some a*s!
I looks myself,
and thought I was nuts.
But I sees these folks
with naked butts.
They gray and torn
and one of them shout,
No more zealots
over coming back out!
No more zealots are
coming back out!
When the police come,
to see the dead,
I tell them what
the K*llers said.
They tells me, boy!
This park's now closed.
There's no more campin',
now go blow your nose.
No more campin',
and that's how it goes.
Uuh-uuh,
Uuh-uuh,
Uuh-uuh,
Uuh-uuh,
Uuh-uuh-uuh.
Now I sees you hear
in front of me,
And I say that
this can not be.
If you don't leaves now,
without a doubt,
Some blood will shed,
befo' this weekend is out.
You don't know what
you talkin' about.
He don't know what
he's talking about.
And I says to you,
get your kids out fast,
Cause if you don't,
gonna be yo' a*s.
Them dudes k*lled once
and they'll k*ll again,
So pack up now,
I'z warnin' you, man.
So pack up now,
So pack up now,
So pack up now,
He's warning us, man.
We go home now?
Go.
Don't be ridiculous,
he's obviously sufforing
from delusions.
Delusions?!
I's seed 'em!
They squeezed the life
outta them kids, like...
like they was
tomatoes in season.
Well I say we stay.
I have no intentions of returning
home after travelling 150 miles to
the middle of nowhere,
because of some over-paranoid ranger.
I agree.
Let's just put our
faith in the Lord!
I mean that is what we're
here for, isn't it?
How'd she know that we're
in the middle of nowhere?
Don't know.
But if you know, we could be off
to the side of nowhere...
Ya'll does
what you wanna do.
For so long as you stay –
I be gone.
I ain't goin' thru
that sh*t no more.
Let's get started.
Started.
Herro, radies!
My name's Juan Tu
and this a Lou.
What bootyful girls!
What do you think, Rou?
The Bible says,
'Beauty is only skin deep, but
ugliness goes straight to thy bones.'
– Romans, chapter 4, verse 21,
Oxy 5.
Enough what the Bible says.
Why you always gotta shove you
Bible down people throat?
How you like if someone
do that to you?
I'm just
spreading his word.
Here.
Ret me help you!
MY BIBLE!
You'll have to excuse Rou.
He's a real obsessive
when it come to the Bible.
A little obsessive?
He makes the pope sound
like Andrew Dice Clay.
That heathenistic scum!
That pagan slant-eyed b*stard!
How dare he not respect
my personal property!
Make him burn in hell,
Lord!
Make him burn
in hell for this!
Oh my God.
What did I say?
I wish still that I'm
one of your children.
Forgive me,
oh Lord!
I spoke from emotion
like an unworthy sinner.
I didn't mean it,
I take it back.
Don't make him burn in hell.
Just let him singe a finger
or two on the campfire.
Hallelujah!
Son of a b*tch.
Then, Captain Guppy,
told his girl... woman... friend pal
that he was leaving her
all alone in the auto-car,
what to go for gasoline,
...and a sweet roll.
Gasoline...
and a sweet roll.
And he tells her, it has to be
a specially made sweet roll.
With they be nuts
and chocolate crusters.
And he was gone for
quite some time.
For these sweet rolls
are only found at Thrifty Mart.
And most of them were closed.
...for it was well
after midnight.
So she's gettin' to hide
in the backseat of the car,
Not to open the door.
For anyone.
And then,
after a few minutes,
she then hears
a scratching sound
on the rooftop of the car.
And figures...
something is not right.
Not right.
What is going on here?
Ugh.. Tellin the kids
a ghost story, ma'am.
Ghost story.
Ma'am.
Where do you satanists get off,
telling demonic stories
on this retreat?
If anything, you should be
telling Bible stories.
I got one.
Just funnin' with
the kids, ma'am.
Just funnin'.
Ma'am.
This is a religious retreat,
which has nothing to do with fun.
Do you think Jesus had fun when
he was being nailed on the cross?
Do you think Noah had fun when he
watched all his neighbours drownding?
Do you think
Cecil B. Demille had fun
when he parted
the Red Sea
and sent his crew
into golden overtime?
Maybe you're being a little harsh?
Shut up, Luger!
I wasn't talking to you.
Ah, come on, Miss Stucco.
We're just having some fun.
The Bible says,
Shut up!
All of you.
May I remind you that we're
all here to find God.
This here God guy
sure does get lost a lot.
Seems like everybody's out,
trying to locate him.
And we're not about to find him,
telling ghost stories. Are we?
Are we?
Are we?!
Now, I want you all
to open your Bibles,
and read Jeremiah,
chapters 4 through 20.
Excellent passage!
Excellent!
Now I'm going to wash up,
and when I return,
I'm going to have each
and every one of you
recite every passage
in the chapter.
And if you so much
as miss one word,
I'll force you,
to watch 'Oh God, Book II',
when we get back.
And don't think I won't.
Dear Lord,
Bless this face for which
I am about to wash.
May you get deeply into the pores
and cleanse away the oils.
So as not to form
large running boils,
for which I will then have to use
the Devil's paint to hide them.
Amen.
We're back!
...scumface.
Please, Lord!
Protect me from this unholy act
that's about to take place!
Forgive me, Father, for they
know not what they're doing.
Up yours, pussface!
We know exactly
what we're doing.
No more zealots!
No more zealots!
I called you.
What you got?
Full house.
You win again.
Damn!
Lucky.
Real lucky today.
Just how long does she
expect these kids to read?
You win again.
Damn!
Don't know how you
could be so lucky.
Don't know.
Real lucky today.
Lucky.
Got to see your scrotum.
Four times.
Four.
You wanna play again?
Yeah!
Okay,
everybody?
Bed time.
Just a second,
Miss Luger.
I just wanna finish this passage,
it's my favourite!
Gus,
why do you wear that?
What?
What...?
That mask.
Why does everybody have to
ask such stupid questions?
Jesus Christ!
Haven't you ever seen a man
in a catcher's mask before?
Go to a f*cking
baseball game sometime!
Gosh.
I should've warned
you about that.
Gee, what's wrong
with him?
Well...
We were at a party together
a few years ago.
And we met
two ladies there...
Things were going
pretty swell when,
one of the ladies
mentioned that
that...
that he resembled
Barry Manilow.
Wow, how awful!
You telling me.
Ever since that night he's
always worn that face mask.
Well can you blame him?
Uh-uh.
You, um...
wanna come into my tent and
get plastered with me?
Better not,
we're minors.
Well...
Good night, Art.
I hope Gus feels
better tomorrow.
Yeah, me too.
Hey, um...
Tell him I don't think he looks
like Barry Manilow at all.
I think he looks more
like Johnny Bench!
Good dogs.
Good dogs.
Know why the call these dogs?
Yes.
You do?
Uh huh.
Me too.
Yep.
Good dogs.
Yeah!
All right, Lord!
That's it.
You turn out a right,
and you go to sreep!
The Bible says,
'Sleep ye not, lest ye
dream of grazing sheep.'
– Corinthians, chapter 10, verse 3,
Jaws 2.
What the hell that
supposed to mean?
I don't wanna hear
any more tonight.
Now you turn out a right,
and you go to sreep!
The Bible says,
'Be patient with those sheep
a-grazing the fields,
lest ye have lamb chops
in the morning.'
– Isaiah, chapter 6, verse 4,
Magnificent 7.
Does the Bible say anything
about me spritting your rip?
I'll look it up.
Easy, you're gonna
tear the binding!
GO TO SREEP!
[mumbling Japanese]
Dear Lord,
make him burn in hell.
For trying to keep me
from readin' thy word.
Forgive me, oh Lord!
Forgive me!
Don't let him burn in hell.
Just let him... scorch his
tongue on some real hot cocoa.
[mumbling Japanese]
Come on, Gus.
You can't go through life
wearing that thing and then get mad
when someone asks about it.
Yeah well,
How come no one ever asks you
why you wear garter belts?
Because...
no one can see them.
Oh.
Tired?
No.
Bored?
Bored.
Not much to do out here,
off to the side to nowhere's.
Not much.
Naked twister?
Okay.
Right hand - green.
Miss Stucco?
Miss Stucco?
Meet your maker,
boogerhair!
Did you hear that?
The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
Okay, I want one.
Loot at this sky!
look at this world!
Look at the boys,
look at the girls!
It's an inky-dinky-doo-dah
morning,
Morning!
Morning!
Morning, Morning!
The air is fresh,
brisk and sweet,
Why I could even
smell your feet!
It's an inky-dinky-doo-dah
morning!
Inky-dinky-doo-dah!
Morning!
Morning! Morning!
Inky-dinky-doo-dah morning,
Inky-dinky-doo-dah!
Morning!
Morning!
Feel the sun,
breathe the air!
Mind if I touch you there?
It's an inky-dinky-doo-dah
morning!
Inky-dinky-doo-dah!
Morning!
Morning! Morning!
Morning!
I want bleakfast.
Have some brandy.
Can't live on that,
the Bible said!
It's an inky-dinky-doo-dah
morning!
Inky-dinky-doo-dah!
Morning!
Morning, morning!
Inky-dinky-doo-dah morning,
Inky-dinky-doo-dah!
Morning! Morning!
Morning!
I feel, oh, so neat.
From my armpits to my seat
I'm a feather on my feet.
You betcha!
Well I don't feel so right,
I didn't sleep all night.
Be careful or he's gonna get ya...
Who?
Satan!
How can she feel so bad?
It's the greatest time
I've ever had.
But it's an
inky-dinky-doo-dah morning.
Inky-dinky-doo-dah!
Morning!
Morning! Morning!
It's not her fault
that she's not sound,
I think the devil's
got her down.
But it's an
inky-dinky-doo-dah morning.
Inky-dinky-doo-dah!
Morning!
Morning! Morning!
Inky-dinky-doo-dah morning.
Inky-dinky-doo-dah!
Morning!
Morning!
It's an ink kink kink!
Dink dink dink!
Inky! Winky!
Pinky!
Slinky!
Stinky!
Blinky!
Minky! Finky!
Rinky! Kinky!
Huh?
Kinky?
Sowwy...
It's an inky-dinky-doo-dah
morning!
Inky-dinky-doo-dah!
Morning!
Morning, morning!
Inky-dinky-doo-dah morning.
Inky-dinky-doo-dah!
Morning!
Morning, morning!
Morning!
Good morning!
Morning, morning,
Morning, morning.
Inky-dinky-doo-dah morning.
Morning, morning,
Morning!
Morning!
Does anybody notice
someone missing?
Who?
Where are Luger and Stucco?
Hey yeah.
They just don't reave
without a leason.
Has anybody seen
them at all today?
The Bible says,
'Look not for the servants who watch
the sheep that graze the fields...
for they may be found behind them
moving their rears.'
– Peter, chapter 4, verse 12,
Revolution 9.
I wonder what happened
to our counselors.
Shelly, what's wrong?
Shelly?
...Shelly?
Shelly?
Sherry?
Shelly, what is it?
What is it!
The Bible says,
'Bend her over,
and slap her other cheeks!'
They're dead!
Who's dead?
Both of them!
Luger and Stucco.
What?
Their heads are...
Well, show us where you found them.
I'm not going back there.
The Bible says,
'Walk ye through the valleys of
the shadows and fear no head.'
– Mark, chapter 2, verse 3,
Henry VIII.
I am not going back there!
Okay.
Where is it?
We'll go ourselves.
It's right down by the pool.
Come on.
Think we should check this out?
You better remember where we left off,
God damnit.
Okay, pull me in row.
Okay, back now.
Pull me in row.
Look. Looky there.
Now what is it?
In my tent,
the rest of their bodies!
It's them alright!
We better call
somebody for help.
Where are we gonna find
a phone around here?
I... I saw on ranger
station up the trail aways.
Good idea!
Alright, a few of
you come with me,
The rest go back to camp,
stick together!
Come on!
Tarnation... tarn.
What you make of that?
Square nuts.
Pretty darn good ones too!
It's locked.
We're never gonna
get any help.
We're all gonna die!
And me at seventeen without
ever having tried nipple lube!
Ohh!
We'll let's break it down.
Well made door.
Come on
Uh-uh-uh!
The Bible says,
'Let he who is without sin,
break the first glass.'
– Kings, chapter 2, verse 19,
Crazy Eights.
MY BIBLE!
Follow him.
Let's go.
Next.
Gus, look, you stay out here,
keep a look out, alright?
You got it.
Let's go, Max.
Burn the heathen, Lord!
Make him turn all
brown and crispy
with fried puss all
over his body!
Show him the folly of his evil ways.
Hello! Hello!
Operator? Operator?
I'm trying...
Operator?
Operator?
What is it?
This should be in the wall?
Oh that's just GREAT!
I don't see it as great.
It'd be great if it is put in the wall,
then it'd be great.
Then it would be great.
Being that it's not in the wall, I...
I'd say it's more like it's a...
Shitty.
That's witty, it's a shitty!
What are we gonna do?
What are we gonna do!
Probably die,
I reckon.
Die.
I shouldn't go like this.
I watch the 700 Club every day.
I go to church twice on Sundays.
I am a jury member
of the Pat Boone Fan Club!
Okay. Let's go back go camp.
We can discuss this with the others.
Hungry?
A little.
You like hamster?
Will you two shut up!
Gentlemen, this reminds me
of a real funny Bible story.
No.
What's wrong?
D'ya go to the bathroom
before we left camp?
Didn't have to.
You?
Naw.
Should have though.
Why?
Brownie is ready to come
out of the microwave.
Can't serve now.
Gotta let him bake
a few more minutes.
They knew all about it,
it's happened before!
I want my mommy!
I wanna go home!
I wanna get 40000 dollars a year and
live in a condo with Tom Hanks!
Fanny, would you just shut your
God damn mouth for a minute!
Now that's no way to
talk, young lady.
I will take you over my knee!
You can take me over your knee.
Later.
Shelly, what are you ranning about?
I found this in the cabin.
It's a record of all the murders
that have taken place here before.
Everytime someone's sent out
here on a religious retreat
they've all been m*rder*d!
Let me see that.
Alright it says that Reverend Ritz has
been aware of the series of murders,
that have taken place and has chosen
to shrug them off as accidents.
Well murders... by who?
Holy sweet mama of
the righteous baby!
Looks like a bit of a
ruckus went down here.
A bit.
Juan!
Are you alright?
I'm scared shitress.
What happened here?
Who did this?
I don't know.
I go to bathroom for five minutes,
I come out, I see all these
kids with bloods on them.
I get so scared I'm
ready to turn and hide.
I'm no Bruce Ree!
Art, over here!
What happened?
I don't know.
All I remember is seeing the
ground really close up.
Why are you wearing
a catcher's mask?
Ohh!
Sorry about that.
He's a little sensitive
about his looks.
I need a drink.
Give me something, quick!
Do you have anything
without sugar?
I'm trying to cut
down on my calories.
This is it, pal.
Okay.
Oh, damn!
Jesus.
Sorry.
You okay?
Just a headache
all over.
The Bible says,
'Be strong, lest ye be weak.'
– Chronicles 16, verse 1, Top 10.
Is he for real?
No.
Look. Who did this to you?
Ugh. It was the na...
The na...
Na...
Na...
Na...ked people.
Where are they now?
I'm a head,
not a bloodhound!
Well up yours!
Art, Art,
he's handicapped...
He's probably dead now.
Phew-ee!
This one looks like
he died painful.
Looks like the eyes
done got scooped outta this one.
No more eyes.
I see.
He don't.
Alright, everyone, listen to me!
Let's get to the bus. We're
getting outta here right now.
Any questions?
Well I got a question.
What is it, Mr. Mucky?
When does food turn
into poop, ya know?
Stokes says happens right about here.
I think it kinda works
its way out tryin'
down there, you know,
and...
Does anybody know how
to hotwire a van?
Juan, you can't do a hotwire?
But you're part Mexican.
Hey, I'm part Japanese too
and I don't know how to
b*mb a harbor either.
Lighten up, everyone!
Look.
Check Luger's belongings,
the keys may be stashed there.
I wanna get outta here.
I don't berong here!
The Bible says,
'Faith shall be ye support,
lest ye cave in.
Unlike the sheep that
grazin' the fields.'
– Matthew, chapter...
Does the Bible say
stick it up your a*s?!
I'll check on it.
Now calm down,
everybody!
We will get out of here.
Just as soon as we get the keys.
Make him burn in the darkest
dankest pits of hell, Lord.
Make him suck on festerin' warts
off of Satan's hairy toes.
This is awful!
This is beyond awful!
This is borderline
horrendous!
Calm down. Let's try and think
of a rational solution to this.
We're Christians,
we're not supposed to think.
We'll be rational.
I got 'em!
I got the keys!
They were right next
to her Ben Wa ba*ls.
Her what?
Great, let's get out of here!
It's not going to start.
We're all gonna die out here
in the middle of nowhere,
I'm gonna die at seventeen
without ever having a husband,
or a family...
or even an orgasm.
Scissors cuts paper.
Damn.
Damn lucky today.
Damn lucky.
Maybe we should play it
for money instead...
Naw!
What's wrong?
The entire engine was
taken out of the van.
What?
It's gone.
Somebody stole the engine!
Now, don't go accusin'!
I mean maybe somebody just might've
...misplaced it.
Let's we make a lun for it!
Run where? The nearest
city is fifty miles!
Maybe when a car passes,
we can hitch a ride.
Have any of you seen one car
pass by since we've been here?
The Bible says,
'The car in the fields, alongside...'
Please!
We have to remain calm.
Who made you boss?
Yeah.
Make 'em choke on
Satan's vomit, Lord.
Relax, all of you.
Now we're not going to
get anywhere with panic!
I don't think we're gonna
get anywhere, period.
Period.
We're gonna die.
We're gonna die!
We're gonna die! We're gonna...
Don't touch me.
I don't wanna be touched.
f*ndled, maybe...
But, but not touched.
Would you try to comfort her?
You may think that some sad things
have happened today.
And some murders might
make you depressed.
And you'd think how can God
let this happen, but hey...!
Just think of it all,
as a test.
Doo-doo da-da
Da doo-doo da-da
Da doo-doo da-da
da doo-doo da-da
He's testing us to see,
if we have faith in he.
He's testing us to see
if we trust.
Living through some deaths
is a nominal feat.
To be sure
our salvation is just.
Now we're all gonna die
and that day may come soon,
but we can't let it be
by a crazy baboon.
That's it!
What's it?
Listen.
It's obvious that this guy gets off
on our fear and terror of death.
So... all we've gotta do
is pretend that none
of us are afraid.
He'll get discouraged
and leave us alone.
Sound good?
How do we do that?
Now we're all gonna die,
and that's okay with me.
The thought of losing my life
makes me shiver with glee.
And I don't care
if the blood trickles down
on my face.
It's just one great way of me
leaving this race.
We don't mind
if someone slashes
'cross our throat.
Then sits back to burp,
fart and gloat.
He can gouge out all our eyes,
he can castrate all the guys.
Throw their ba*ls in the river
and see if they float.
We don't care
if someone shoots us.
Shoots us with a g*n.
To us, that's the only way
to have some real fun.
They can poison our drinks,
till we vomit in the sinks.
Then rub our dead bodies in it,
when we are done.
We don't care
if someone chops us
up to bits.
Being dismembered
has its benefits.
So after they've done the crime,
we can be in several places
at one time.
In fact, being a whole person
is really the piss.
It don't bother us
if someone pulls out
all our guts.
Then stuffs them back,
into our little butts.
They can chop us
and then grind us,
so no one can find us.
Then make ornaments
from our nuts.
Don't care if someone cuts off
my ears.
Ears.
Then I guess,
I wouldn't be able
to hears.
Couldn't hears.
They could pull off
both my arms.
They could do me
lots of harms.
Then they could go and
drink a couple of beers.
Light?
I guess that's okay.
I don't care if someone's take
a hatchet off my nose,
or if someone cut off
all my rittle toes.
He can hurt me,
he can beat me,
he can chew me up
and eat me.
I just smile
and then
I'll go with the frow.
The Bible says,
That ye shall fear no man.
So long as ye have faith
in heart and hand.
So when this guy
tries to slay,
I will kneel down
and pray.
And if he kills me
you know heaven is
where I'll land.
Hallelujah!
He can k*ll me.
I don't really care.
I'll never again
have to bleach my hair.
Or answer
to my Ma.
Or stuff Kleenex
in my bra.
Or even wonder
what I'm gonna wear.
So let this weirdo
cut into our brain
and splatter it around
this natural terrain.
We are not
scared of this jerk.
We don't care
where he may lurk.
We just hope
he doesn't leave
a stain.
Alright everyone,
so go back to your tents and
put on some warm clothes.
We may be walking
through the night.
Let's go.
Gus!
It's up to us to
keep everyone calm,
so if you get afraid...
don't show it.
These people are looking up to us
for support and guidance,
so we can't scare them
by acting afraid ourselves.
We're gonna make it, pal.
We're gonna make it.
Hey.
You're not Gus!
You're...
You're naked!
You're history!
You know what this is gonna
do to my tennis game?
'...and I leave all my personal
possessions to Fluffy, my sheep.
Who didn't 'baaa' as
loudly as my others,
when I pumped it in the rear.'
Get outta here.
How's it going?
What size you reckon those are?
Mm... about a 9.
Thinkin' of gettin'
some use out of 'em?
Thinkin' about it.
Looks like he got a better lunch
than we did.
Where'd he get dessert?
I think we should split up.
I think so too.
I think we should go
somewhere and get plastered.
I think so too.
Oh, you're nuts!
What about 'em?
I seen 'em lots of times.
Don't rub it in.
We can't split up,
there's safety in numbers.
Oh, were their numbers safe?
Logical girl.
Logical.
And the k*ller can't
be everywhere.
I mean, odds are,
if we split up, then
most of us will be safe until
we can get some help.
What'd you just say?
I said, if we split up...
No, before that.
What, the k*ller
can't be everywhere?
Oh, my God,
Oh, my God!
I know who the k*ller is.
Who?
Satan!
Satan?
Isn't that a singer group?
I think they split up.
The k*ller has to be everywhere.
We're battling the devil himself.
He's here,
he's there,
Good God,
he's everywhere!
We've got a real battle
now with Satan.
He's short,
he's tall,
he's crucified them all.
I tell you, we can't stand
around here waiting,
waiting, waiting.
We're put here for a purpose,
we are the chosen ones.
Are moms are
here to burp us,
I've think I've got the runs!
I'm certain that I'm right,
we've gotta stand and fight.
We've got a real battle
here with Satan.
Satan, Satan.
Uuuh.
I'm ready to begin,
I feel a strength within.
I'm ready to do battle
with the Devil.
Don't need to be afraid,
from faith I haven't strayed.
I'll face him and I'll beat him
and I'll revel.
Revel, revel.
When you're fighting with the demon
and you've got God inside.
You know you can cream 'em!
Your winning odds
are wide!
God's giving us a message
and that's why our friends died.
We've got a real battle
now with Satan.
We really need not fear,
I promise you
God's here.
You'll see to it we'll win
or won't we, Satan?
Not another tear,
God's kicked us in the rear.
We've gotta stop this
k*lling and this hating.
Hating, hating.
Because we now know who's
the cause of all this fuss.
A cause, we believe,
our Lord will deliver us.
When we're done with Satan,
he will be oozing puss.
Yeah I'm ready!
She's ready!
I'm set!
She's set!
I'm ready to do battle
now with Satan.
The devil can travel
in any disguise.
He can roam on this Earth,
telling falsehood and lies.
But someone like me,
can knock him down the sides.
I'm gonna fight the
battle now with Satan.
Satan, Satan.
Now Satan must know
that his days can't be long.
Because of this moment,
I feel twice as strong!
So come on now,
we'll be friends,
and you can't go wrong.
I'm ready!
She's ready!
Are you ready?
Yeah, we're ready!
You set?
You bet!
Say it loud!
We are set!
Say it proud!
We are set!
We are ready to do
battle now with Sa.....
Are we still ready?
Bull's-eye.
Rook! ROOK!
This is no time to
think of chess.
Nooo! Rook over there!
The Bible says, 'hold!
...lest ye be stopped.'
Wow, thanks for stopping.
The Bible says,
'Ye who stoppeth to smell the roses,
...shall be ready whence thou farts.'
You wanna read my Bible?
You like it, huh?
Like what it has to say?
He always wanted
to go that way.
HORY sh*t!
Everybody, spread out!
The other way.
Hey, it's okay to follow them!
Juan?
Remember what the Bible says,
'Fear not, lest ye be he.
Have faith, be strong.'
Rou? Rou stirr arive?
No, I bought the farm.
But don't you be afraid.
Afraid?
I scared shitress!
Strengthen your faith.
You will survive.
Faith is the answer.
Stop running.
You will live.
How do you know what happens?
Things are much
clearer on this side.
Then how come you
so out of focus?
Just have faith.
Your only fear
is your lack of faith.
I have faith, Rue!
Then stop running...
You will see.
Are you sure about this?
Stop runnin',
and see what happens.
I have faith!
STOP!
What happened?
You say
my faith go' save me.
You say I will survive?
Well are you one stupid nip.
[mumble Japanese]
Anybody hungry?
I'm hungry.
Any dogs left?
You want dogs?
I have a taste for
the little vermins.
Dogs.
Dogs that hit the spot.
Did I ever tell you why
they call these 'dogs'?
Let's find a place where
we can get some rest.
Those maniacs, and you
really wanna rest?
It's gonna be getting dark soon.
We're not gonna get anywhere
running blindly at night.
If we can't see them,
hopefully the can't see us.
You hear something?
I hear you waking me up.
Anything else?
I heard your stomach a-squealin'.
Listen!
Oh don't worry about that...
What is it?
It's morning down in China.
They gettin' outta bed
and goin' off to work.
The Chinese?
Yep.
See. It's more quiet out here,
so we're more aware of it.
It happens every day
about this time.
Don't worry none.
They goin' off to work,
the Chinese.
Damn, you're smart.
I oughta be.
Went through the 6th grade.
Five times.
I thought you went to
the 5th grade.
Six times.
Same difference.
Good night.
Good night.
You see anything?
No.
Come on, let's take a rest.
How can we rest at
a time like this?
So you liked getting
plastered, didn't ya?
Oh my God!
We k*ll you all,
every last one.
Our buns don't rest,
till the work is done.
k*ll k*ll k*ll
all the zealots!
k*ll k*ll k*ll
all the zealots!
Those zealots make us cry,
they wage w*r on us.
Now we make you die,
it be glorious.
We have no peace,
since we end our lives.
So we take yours now,
we use hand and knives.
k*ll k*ll k*ll
all the zealots!
k*ll k*ll k*ll
all the zealots!
k*ll k*ll k*ll
all the zealots!
k*lled k*lled killled
all the zealots!
No place to run,
no place to hide.
If you trust in God,
hope he's on your side.
k*ll k*ll k*ll
all the zealots!
k*ll k*ll k*ll
all the zealots!
When getting dead,
you will find no grace.
We are gonna pull off
your god gummed face.
k*lled k*lled k*lled
all the zealots!
k*lled k*lled k*lled
all the zealots!
k*ll k*ll k*ll
all the zealots!
k*ll k*ll k*ll
all the zealots!
We led our lives
the best we could.
We all were kind
and very good.
But then your kind
had come along,
you stuck your noses
where they didn't belong.
You took away our lives.
And gave us w*r and strife.
We all felt death
to us was right,
and knew one day,
we would end the fight.
You see when you have
a worthy cause,
then that will make you pause.
So now we're having
a real big treat,
Cause even in death,
revenge is sweet!
k*ll k*ll k*ll
all the zealots!
k*ll k*ll k*ll
all the zealots!
k*ll k*ll k*ll
all the zealots!
k*ll k*ll k*ll
all the zealots!
Don't worry, toots!
Here comes the cavalry!
Go ahead,
try to run away.
I'm gonna take your leg off
like it were clay.
sh*t.
Aw... come on,
none of that.
You gon give me a b*ner.
How did you know we
were in trouble?
I knewd it from the moment
ya'll was going to stay here.
Oh, what took you so long!
It ain't easy getting
a chopper for men.
Now they're gone,
we can rest in peace.
For the time being,
our k*lling spree has ceased.
k*lled k*lled k*lled
all the zealots!
k*lled k*lled k*lled
all the zealots!
Just try again
to cross our path,
cause if you do,
you will feel our wrath.
We k*lled k*lled k*lled
all the zealots!
k*lled k*lled k*lled
all the zealots!
k*lled k*lled k*lled
all the zealots!
They're going away...
Of course, all they wanted
was their land back.
Their land?
Of course, don't you know
what happened before?
I'm surprised that your teachers
never gave you the score,
about the sh*t,
that happened befo'...
I told 'em once,
and they didn't know,
those pissed off corpses
wanted them to go.
You see it happened down there
about two years ago,
starting with a noise
outside my door...
So remember,
my brethren.
The retreat leaves tomorrow!
You have a chance to
join your children,
and save those fornicators!
Amen.
Hallelujah.
Go in peace, my children.
You knew all about it!
You talkin' to me, miss?
How could you send us all
out on that retreat,
knowing about what
happened years ago?
I don't know what
you're talking about.
Fornicator!
They're all dead,
everyone!
Do you mind?
Just tell me why.
Why would you send us all out there
knowing about the history of the place?
Everyone's dead?
I barely escaped myself.
But you did escape...
You're one of them!
The only one
that really matters.
Nudist Colony of the Dead!
Dead! Dead! Dead!
You will likely be
torn to shreds
at the nudist colony of the dead.
You'll be shaking
in your boots,
by corpses
in their birthday suits.
The horror mounts,
the terror grows,
These monsters
have no use for clothes!
They are dead
without a doubt,
And their butts
are sticking out.
k*lling people
to and fro,
decomposing as they go!
You'll get m*rder*d merrily,
by dead folks
without modesty.
They'll k*ll and hurt
and chop and maim,
exposing gonads
with no shame.
Nudist Colony of the Dead
Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead!
Nudist Colony of the Dead
Dead! Dead! Dead!
There's one place
we all dread...
It's the nudist colony,
Nudist Colony of the Dead.
Nudist colony,
nudist of the dead.
Nudist colony,
nudist colony of the dead.
Nudist colony,
nudist of the dead.
Nudist colony,
nudist colony of the dead.
Nudist colony,
nudist of the dead.
Nudist colony,
nudist colony of the dead.
Nudist colony,
NUDIST COLONY OF THE DEAD!
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Nudist Colony of the Dead (1991)
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