01x01 - Episode 1

[bunniefuu]

Okay, are you guys comfortable?

This looks good.

- Okay, that's nice.

- Is that nice?

So, tell me, just briefly

describe your names

and, of course, your

relationship to Ry.

- To Ry? You mean, you?

- Yeah. To Ry.

Is this all gonna be, like,

in the third person or something?

It depends. It's really up to you

how you want to do it.

- I'm Sandy Russo and I'm your mom.

- Okay.

Good.

It kind of describes it.

And I'm Robin Young

and your mother also.

I was born in 1981.

Robin had a very

difficult pregnancy.

When she finally had me,

apparently I had come out

and I'm all red and bruised up,

and Robin starts crying

when she looks at me

and she says to Russo

"she's so ugly, no one's ever

going to love her as much as I do."

The irony is that I was not ever

a child who wasn't deeply loved.

If anything, I was

loved too much.

NUCLEAR FAMILY

Episode 1

Robin and Russo.

B cam, marker.

So just, first, let's just

talk about your relationship

and what having children

has meant to you in your life.

Everything.

Having children

- I can't imagine life without children.

- I can't either.

I don't know what we'd be doing

or what we'd be caring about,

or what we'd be

passionate about.

Driving around in a sports car?

Like, I don't get it.

I mean, with you

guys, it sounds trite.

There's no way to even

capture what it means.

There's no one I would

rather be with in the world

than the three of you

that are my family.

I always describe my parents as, like,

Romeo and Juliet, but Juliet and Juliet.

'Cause they literally, they met, and

they describe the moment they met.

And it was such a moment.

It was the President's

Weekend in February 1979.

And, rather than hang around

New York for this long weekend,

I thought I'll go up and

visit a friend in Boston.

And I was living in Boston,

and I wanted to move.

And a friend said,

there's this cool apartment.

You might like it there.

I went upstairs.

It was, like, the third floor, and I

knocked on this apartment door.

And this voice said, "Come in."

And I walked into this kitchen, and

sitting at the kitchen table was Russo.

And no one else was there.

And it was like, who is this?

It was immediate.

Like a b*mb.

It was a thunderbolt.

I don't even know what it was.

So we spent an hour in the kitchen,

just the two of us together.

I kept saying, "My friend will be out

in a minute to talk apartment with you."

But meanwhile we were both

secretly thrilled.

So we were getting into it with

each other, asking questions

and where are you from.

And then the question I asked

her that really sealed the deal was,

so what have you done lately

to make your parents unhappy?

Growing up, I was

just this little tomboy.

And I just felt like I was always

observing life,

and I couldn't picture my life

as a grown-up fitting into

the world that I saw around me.

I couldn't imagine getting married and

living this life that my mother lived.

I was always looking at the

clock like I was perpetually bored.

And when I finally did come out,

it was almost as if I was viewing

the world before in black and white

and suddenly everything

burst into colour.

So then when I met Russo, it was just

like this is what I've been waiting for.

Me too.

It was like, oh my God.

And I was, and then I had

to go back to New York,

and I was terrified of losing her.

This is February.

In April I moved to New York.

And all of our friends said, what are

you doing? Slow down. You're crazy.

Everyone said, ah, you can't

do that, and she's so young.

And we just kept saying,

oh no, we love each other.

Leave us alone.

I remember at one point we met with

Russo's best friend from law school.

Russo had invited me

to Windows on the World

at the top of the World Trade

Center to meet Robin.

I had never been there before.

I don't think Russo had either.

But that's how she wanted

to introduce Robin to me,

'cause it was, this is the love

of my life.

She was crazy for her,

and I liked Robin right away.

She's way quieter,

more serious, but solid.

I did think she was young.

But they're clearly gonna be,

you know, together for a long time.

We lived in West Village.

It was very g*y.

We used to hang out

at Bonnie and Clyde's,

which was a g*y bar on the bottom

and a l*sbian restaurant on the top.

We hung out at that l*sbian

restaurant for a reason.

Because New York was kind of ugly

on the streets then, and it was scary.

One time, some guy kept following

us down the block and screaming.

"you f*cking lezzo!"

There was always

the threat of violence.

bouquets of flowers and the

candles at the door of the Ramrod bar.

They're really symbols of the mourning,

the feeling of mourning for the two dead

and the others that have been

shot down here on West Street.

Many of the people here see it

as an attack on the g*y community.

I want to live my life. I don't want

to be k*lled on these streets.

This is ridiculous!

Mom would never hold my hand.

I was always terrified to hold

mom's hand on the street.

Or put my arm around her.

No, it's not worth it.

It's too dangerous.

In the g*y community, we were

creating a new world, you know.

We were creating a

world of g*y liberation.

And, your parents

were a part of that.

Russo and I had such

a close relationship.

We could talk about anything and did.

I guess she had been saying

to me on the phone

she's very happy, she loves Robin

she's glad she came out.

But now I'm never going

to be able to have children.

And Russo, she was worldly,

and she had lived a life,

and she had had

two husbands.

She knew a lot more about

herself and life and politics.

She knew what she wanted.

I wanted kids since I myself was

a kid. I've always wanted kids.

With my second husband,

I tried to get pregnant.

And I was so desperate to have it

work and have a life,

and I was trying for about two and

a half years and couldn't, didn't.

You know, I also realize that that was

a blessing because I was a l*sbian.

And then, when I finally came out,

it was never on my radar again

that I would have kids.

g*y couples just

didn't have kids.

Coming out, being g*y, meant that

you were not gonna have children.

It was almost like you were giving up

that right to have a family,

and that was sad.

I moved to California, and I

was in a woman's bookstore

in the Mission in San Francisco.

And I saw a little pamphlet

stapled on the sides with a pink cover

that said something like,

"We can make our own babies,"

or something like that.

I bought it and when Russo and Robin

came to visit, I said, look, you can!

You can have children.

She gave us a little pink, mimeograph

thing that two women had written.

With, like, homemade little

drawings pen and ink.

Like, really hokey.

And the pamphlet was like,

Sarah and Emily are lesbians

who want to have children.

How to artificially

inseminate without a doctor.

And when you think

about it, it's so simple.

And it just opened up

this incredible door.

We could have children.

So they were talking about

who could be the donor?

Who could fill that role?

And that meant who's a man who's

a good guy and has good genes,

and would be willing to do this

under those terms.

You can't really imagine a

straight man wanting to do that.

We wanted g*y men as donors because they

were simpatico with what we were doing.

The culture certainly

was pre-HIV.

No one knew about HIV, and it was a very

wild, loose culture in the g*y community.

And, I think for these guys at the time

it was like, oh, they want my sperm.

It was great.

They loved the idea.

It was like a feather

in their cap or whatever.

I also think they liked the idea

of helping create g*y families.

It was like this whole new thing

and they were on the cutting edge.

My girlfriend knew this

guy named Jack Colve.

I thought he was very intelligent,

good looking and a mench of a guy.

Cris had told us that he spoke

five languages or seven languages.

He was very smart.

And we liked the idea of the donor

being in San Francisco,

which was going to be far away.

I said to Robin, "You go and interview

him, 'cause I'm too nervous to do it."

You waited in the car and I went into his

house and met with him for not very long

and helped him fill out

this health questionnaire.

And sort of made the deal,

and came out and went

you know, we got a guy.

But what was important to us

that we did work out with him was

No rights, no responsibility.

The only thing we asked,

would it be okay

if the kid wants to call you

in the future.

And we didn't think

that much past that.

We started with me

because of my age.

We used an artichoke hearts jar.

You know the artichoke

hearts you buy in a little jar.

And the reason that we like to use this

one is because it has a wide mouth.

So we cleaned that out and we gave

it to him and said, here, this is

This is for you.

The person who picks up the sperm

and brings it to you

arranges with the man a specific

time on a specific day.

He'd call and say "Come over and get

it." And he handed me a little paper bag,

because it said in the pamphlet that you

should keep the sperm in a dark place.

I like to put it in a sock as so,

and that keeps it protected from light

and it keeps it warm.

And I just put it right here

and I drive to the person's house.

A friend of mine drove so I could

keep it warm and next to my body.

- So I fill it up.

- Mom would fill it up.

from the artichoke

thing and she's lying down and

Insert it.

So we get back to New York

and she misses her period.

And so we go for a pregnancy

test, and it was positive.

Like, she got pregnant.

And then nine months

later Cade was born.

We had this wonderful baby.

It was just magic.

She was this just perfect child.

You know this delicious baby.

And we said, all right,

let's do it again.

We wanted each

of us to have a child.

And you also chose

to have different donors.

Yeah, because it just felt odd

if our kids can't genetically

be related through us

It didn't make any sense

that they should be genetically

connected through the donors.

Some other way.

Genetics were not sort

of the focus of our family here.

We also didn't want any

one donor to have such a role.

It was such a potential power.

So I went on a

search for another donor.

And I introduced them to one guy who

we went on a picnic at Golden Gate Park.

He didn't know he was

being vetted for being a donor.

He just thought we were

friends, and we were going out.

And he was wonderful.

This was a very, very sweet guy.

But, we turned him down

because he wasn't very attractive.

We wanted someone good looking.

We thought let's pick someone cute.

So, I think the next

person I thought of was Tom.

Smart, tall, dark and handsome.

Really nice personality.

Very political out.

He would walk into a room and

everyone would sit up and take notice.

He was charismatic, he was kind,

and he was astonishingly good looking.

You can't just wave a wand

a close down 14 businesses

He was this rising star

of an attorney.

Everybody in the g*y community

knew Tom.

Tom was the foremost lawyer

protecting g*y people.

He worked harder than

any lawyer I ever knew.

And he did cases that really

changed the legal landscape.

One of his big cases was Peg's Place,

a woman's bar.

People had gotten beat up

and he sued the cops.

He never shied away from being

progressive and outspoken

in what his beliefs were.

And Tom was attracted

to the idea, as a g*y man,

of helping lesbians

have families.

He really identified with these women

wanting to build a family

that they envisioned

on the terms that they wanted.

And he agreed,

and we were delighted.

And Robin got pregnant

and then they had us.

Voila.

Coming out and meeting Robin

and having our babies was like

just a second chance for me.

And it was just wonderful.

People knew we were lesbians

because we were totally out.

We felt like it

was very important to be out.

But in so many ways

we were this traditional family.

People laugh.

You know, we really are

mom and mom and the kids.

- And

- The dogs. And the van.

And driving the kids to school.

Robin stayed home

and took care of us,

and Russo went to work

and was a lawyer.

My memory of childhood

is very, sort of rosy.

It was very magical and

there was a lot of playfulness.

I remember Russo and Robin were proud

of what they had and what they built,

and so protective of everybody's role

and everybody's part in making sure

both you kids saw each

of them equally.

And, I really admired that.

Because there were no

g*y families when I was growing up.

None.

Cookie said, I'd really like you

to meet my friends, Russo and Robin

cause Cookie and I were talking

about having children.

And I really wanted to hear your moms'

experience with creating a family.

Because I don't think

anybody thought of a g*y family.

There wasn't this idea, they have

two same-sex parents and children.

I don't think anybody even

thought that that happened.

Not then.

It was always some

other way to try to define it.

People looked at your family and said,

they're friends and they're hanging out.

Oh, maybe they're sisters.

There was always some contortion

of what that arrangement was.

It wasn't even comprehensible

that, oh, it's two moms and their kids.

And people used to get really angry

at us if we wouldn't answer questions.

People would say,

oh, whose is she?

And, we would say, both of ours.

Really, which one is the mother.

And we'd say, we both are.

And they'd go, uh, I mean,

who's the real mother or

We both are.

And we made it an absolute family

policy not to answer that question.

It's like, excuse me, we'll define

our reality and our life.

People always ask, so what

was that like, having two moms?

And I'm always like, well, I don't

really have much to compare it to.

Hey, can I get

a kiss or anything? Love you.

It's not like, first I had a mother and

a father, and then I had two mothers.

Get a nice car shot.

Mom!

Mom!

It's hard to see it as a strange thing

because it's normal to me.

Explaining that to people became

just a part of daily life, really.

And now I realize that it's people's

own ignorance and sense of disbelief,

and steadfast hold

to the notion of the dad

as this all-encompassing,

wonderful creature,

and a biological tie as the most

important thing in the world.

Now the issue is, with the American

family under attack by divorce,

by separation,

and by promiscuity in our culture.

Now h*m* say that family

is what you make it. I disagree.

For thousands of years, the family

as traditionally understood

has proven to be the most effective

means of providing a good civilization.

Every other kind of arrangement

has been tried

and nothing has ever worked

as successfully

as what these people derisively

call the traditional family.

It's just ridiculous, you know.

These people seem to think

that it doesn't matter if a kid

has two dads or two moms,

or three dads or one mom,

or maybe an armadillo for a mother.

Nobody asks kids in straight families if

they ever wish that they had two moms,

or if they ever wish

that they had two dads.

It's annoying for kids like me

to constantly explain, no.

Biology isn't

the end all and be all.

Ok, so let's go back to the donors.

So the first few years we had

no contact to the donors.

Right.

And maybe just talk about, what you

sort of expected for that relationship.

We had pictured somehow that

you guys would ask about

who's my father or want information

about your biological fathers,

like in high school

or something.

That it would come up

as, sort of, teenagers.

Well instead, Cade

was going to preschool

and everyone was talking

about their daddy.

And she came home and said, "Do I

have a daddy? Who's my daddy?"

Like wanting to know

where she fit in with this.

So we said: you don't have a daddy, you

have nice men who helped make you.

Cade was very precocious

and she wanted more information.

Then we wrote to the donors and asked

if they would mind sending pictures.

And they were very sweet, and

both sent pictures of themselves.

And we showed you both.

This is the man who

helped make you, Cade.

And this is the man who

helped make you, Ry.

But the pictures, sort of, weren't

satisfying Cade's curiosity enough.

Cade was very concrete and linear

and, you know, could read a book

and had those kinds of skills.

And you were off in La La Land.

Cade was asking questions and

Well, what's he like and,

you know, where does he live.

Our commitment to our kids

before we had them

was to always tell them the truth,

and not to withhold information

from them

when they wanted to know it,

appropriate to their age.

We just wanted to be honest

with them about everything.

And some of that came off

of my experience as a kid

because I didn't know

who my biological father was.

Grandma.

They're not marked.

Grandma?

- Hi!

- Hi! Ry!

My darling Ry!

Your house looks so clean!

Oh, here. This you gotta see.

Steeplechase. Do you know

anything about Cornell?

This is an original artifact

from Steeplechase,

and this is my darling,

darling daughter when she was,

I think she was about

two years-old, yeah.

- I just had it framed. Isn't it pretty?

- It's beautiful.

Tell me about how you got

pregnant with my mom.

This is something that I've kept

under wraps for many, many years

because it's always been

very difficult to talk about it.

When I was 18, I got pregnant.

And, I really didn't have that much

experience with boys at that time.

And, the father, he denied it,

and I never saw him again.

I wrote to him every day,

and I never, never received

an answer from him.

And despite all the Commie-lefty

philosophy of my grandparent's home,

they were horrified that

my mother had an illegitimate child,

and they sent her off to a home

on Staten Island to have this kid.

And I was put in a foundling hospital,

so I didn't go home with my mother.

And, after the foundling hospital,

I went to a few foster care homes

and it wasn't until I was five that

I got to move in with my mother.

It was a whole new

environment for me.

They were loud, they argued,

they were Jewish, you know.

It was a very spontaneous,

warm, open household.

And my grandparents lived

there, my mother lived there.

So, it was this very

active, lively environment.

But, everybody else knew who their

father was, good, bad or otherwise.

And it was just this piece

of information

that my mother was so adamant

to keep from me.

And she never wanted to look back,

never wanted to discuss it.

And for the next whatever

years until I was, like, 35,

I just was tortured

about who I was.

So I decided to pursue figuring

out who my biological father was.

By then I was an adult,

and didn't even have fantasies

about a relationship

or anything like that.

I just wanted the facts.

And so I met with what

was my half-brother,

and he told me that my father

was an a*usive alcoholic.

The guy died on

the bowery a drunk.

And that was

the end of the story.

- And that was your father.

- And that was my father.

From that time on, Russo said, "If I

have children or when I have children,"

"I will never let that happen, that

they will not know who their father is."

And, this is what's important to this

situation, and everything that happened.

It sort of became apparent to mom

and me that maybe now was the time

that I didn't want to

make it secretive and

Or mysterious, or

You know, so we thought maybe

we should see if he'll meet you.

We booked a trip

to California, like a vacation.

And we went out

and met them both together.

It was very important to us

that both of you meet both men,

and that neither of the men be more

important to either one of you.

We just wanted

to keep that sense of equality.

Both donors were very tentative

and respectful,

and there was something

really nice about it.

And, we appreciated their willingness to

honor that promise that they had made.

They became, like friends of

the family who live in California

who we would see

occasionally, you know.

When they were coming through

New York, we would see them.

If we were going, we had other

friends, obviously, in California,

so we would go to California.

And it worked out that we saw them

sometimes, and it was fine.

Yeah.

So we went out this morning for a walk

in the rain, down that path there

Our family would visit Tom and Jack

throughout our childhood,

several times a year.

Often it would be vacations.

Some break that

we had in school.

We'd all go rent

a house together

Come on.

usually in Long Island

or Stinson Beach, California.

Jack, Cade's donor, didn't often come to

those visits because he was an alcoholic

and he was unable

to connect to the rest of the family.

He visited once and he was drunk,

and I wrote him a letter.

And I said, "You can't come visit

when you're drunk."

You know, you're kind of a different

person and it's not good.

And I think he

took offense to that.

But like every drunk, he kind

of hid it and tried to mask it.

There wasn't a lot

of contact after that.

The famous Easter egg hunt.

So, generally, the visits

would be just with my donor.

It would be my moms,

me, Cade, Tom and Milton.

Tom was with a man named Milton.

And Milton had been married to

a woman, and had a son, Jacob,

who lived with his mother.

I'm here because your wretched dog

bit me this afternoon,

and I hate that wretched

animal creature thing.

Well, you see, I can read minds.

Milton had a video camera.

So, on those visits a lot of

the time we would film fairytales.

I see a lady with

And stories

that Cade and I knew and loved.

My daughter

Dorothy has run away.

We'd all have our alter egos

of who we kind of wanted to be.

They must be

over the rainbow.

Are you a good witch

or a bad witch?

I'm not a witch at all.

Ry, what happened?

- I got wet.

- How did you fall?

What I remember vaguely is that there

was some tension between the adults

about Tom treating

the girls equally.

- Are you wet yet?

- Yes.

Your mothers said that Tom needed

to treat both you and Cade equally,

and he did as best as he could.

- Say hi.

- Hi.

Tom's daughter.

But it didn't come

naturally to him.

Hey, now you want to talk to Cady?

I have to be equal.

He was deliberate about it.

But, my memory, at least, is that it was

clear that Tom fell in love with you.

Being around you brought out

the playful side of Tom,

the ridiculously goofy side of Tom.

What are you going to do, Ry?

That's very scary there, Tom.

Do you want me to get you your cup?

Suddenly, this tall, well-spoken

charismatic lawyer

was turning you upside down,

and on the floor rolling around.

And he let down his guard.

I had never seen Tom pay

any attention to a child or a dog,

or anything except

for work and his friends.

And, you know what I mean,

but like, nothing like with you.

And I think that's because

he had a biological connection

to you and not to Cade.

I said to him whatever you do,

you have to do it equally for both kids.

And he said, sure,

sure, sure, sure, sure.

But he was more

and more focused upon you.

I think when he entered

into the original agreement,

he thought that it wouldn't

mean anything to him.

And he'd say hi when you were

five and pat you on the head.

He didn't think I am going to fall

in love with this child

and become part of another family.

Here's the kitchen.

Who's that?

- Jacob.

- It's Jacob.

Sleeping away on the couch.

Now Jacob, why don't you do

Captain Hook for the camera.

No thank you, Tom.

Let's go get him.

Go get him.

Tickle him into doing it.

Do it!

Come on!

Yes!

You know, your moms wanted you

and your sister to be treated equally.

Well, it may not have

been possible, I don't know.

Yes!

I have two kids,

both of whom I love.

I don't treat them equally

because they're not the same person

and they don't want the same things,

and they don't ask for the same things.

Well, Cinderella, you lazy girl.

I know that Tom wanted to treat

both of you as equally as he could.

What's she doing

dancing with that prince?

I thought we were

going to dance with him.

Because he wanted to respect

the rules of your mothers' family

as it was suggested to him.

What are they doing?

I'm furious.

So, I think somewhere underneath

those articulated tensions

are the real tensions.

There's subtext.

- Can you articulate the subtext?

- I can't.

I wouldn't dare to articulate

the subtext for Robin and Russo.

Our very last day here.

Russo shows signs of wear and tear.

- Would he be quiet?

- A little sand under your eyes.

- Good morning.

- Good morning.

The problems started to happen

because they had all this contentious

relationship with Milton.

I don't remember how many times

but there were, like, at least two,

maybe three times when they got

furious with Milton.

There's our intrepid sailor

out on the ocean.

Over time, Milton

just inserted himself

into the relationships

more and more.

So Russo, do something.

I'll light a cigarette.

This is the most exercise

she's gotten all week.

And he would say things to you,

like, call Tom "daddy"

and he was just imposing his own idea

of what our family was on all of us.

- Hi Tom.

- Are you having a good time here?

I was until these two

girls stopped cooperating.

As parents, we were

unhappy with the dynamic.

And so the last night of their

visit, we went out for dinner.

In fact, Jacob, Milton's

son was babysitting you.

And we went out to dinner and

we said as gently as we could

Maybe we could slightly change

how we saw each other, you know.

Instead of all staying in a house

together we could meet at a resort

and each have our own rooms

and come and go a little more freely,

but still spend time together.

And we were discussing it

It just blew up,

and they just got furious

like we were rocking some boat

that they did not want rocked.

It was a little bit like where do you

girls come off telling us what to do.

Which was pretty alarming.

We were trying

to make it nice

and, we just want to change things

a bit to work better for everybody

and it's just like, whoa!

They left in a huff the next

morning got in a cab.

They left without

saying goodbye.

I mean it was bizarre.

The fact that they allowed

themselves to get that angry,

that they thought they had

the right to be so pissed off

at what we were suggesting

was scary to us.

It's like, what's going on here.

FEBRUARY 1988

SLEEPING BEAUTY

Written and directed by RY & CADE

CAST OF CHARACTERS:

Ry Russo-Young, Cade Russo-Young,

Thomas Steel, Milton Estes

I was not aware of the

arguments between the adults.

But it's always sounded to me

like it went sour

and it was about

their relationship,

the relationship between Tom and Milton

and my moms started to deteriorate.

Queen and King, you didn't invite

me, Maleficent the Evil,

to see your pretty

little daughter, aren't you.

Robin and Russo said to Tom,

we don't want to see Milton anymore.

We don't want him around

our children anymore.

You will prick your finger

on a spindle and die!

What was Tom's reaction to that?

He didn't like it, and it was

very awkward for him and Milton.

Maleficent, you old hag!

And that was very

difficult on Tom.

- My darling.

- We need to start dancing.

But he didn't let anything get

in the way of ever seeing you.

I remember Tom had the point of view

that he wanted to keep visiting.

But, I think there came

to be a point where my dad, Milton,

he started to feel like this

was heading into

like a place where if you go

to New York without me,

and if you continue down this path,

it's not gonna go well.

And Tom felt like he had to go

to New York without my dad,

or else he was terrified that it was

gonna lead to oblivion for him.

He would come here and

visit without Milton, you know.

And he resented it.

We were like close

friends before this.

And now it's sort of changed

so that after dinner and after you

guys were in bed,

he would sort of retreat to his guest

room and read, you know.

- He did it for like a year or two.

- It was less.

But it was clear he wanted

as little to do with us as possible.

I think I was in denial

and didn't quite get that.

One of the things that was originally

discussed at that first meeting with him

was he said I'm not

gonna tell my family about this.

- And we said, great.

- Fine with us.

We don't want any relatives,

spinning some idea

about their son has a child,

and this was perfect.

So, now, cut to when you were nine.

Tom said that he wanted

to take you girls

up to his grandmother's

90th birthday

in Yuba City

in the middle of California,

and all the Steel family

were gonna be there.

You know, there's forty

of them or something like that.

Tom was one of 10 siblings.

10 kids and their husbands and

wives, and children and all that.

They have a huge house.

We used to call it the Ponderosa.

It has a lake and water

skiing and all that stuff.

And he wanted to take you girls

there and introduce you to his family.

He wanted you to come to this event, and

your moms said, only if we can come too.

Like, okay, we would think

about it,

but if we did it, it would

have to be the whole family.

And then you introduce your family

to this family that you helped make.

And, he didn't like that idea.

He didn't want to do that.

I assumed that we were invited too.

Why wouldn't we be?

And then he made it clear

that he didn't want us there.

So everyone's gonna be there

with their parents,

but our kids will be in this situation

without their parents.

Like, it doesn't make sense.

And then we asked more questions,

and it was clear that his family didn't

even know about your existence.

And when we asked

what he was going to tell them,

he said, I haven't

figured that out yet.

Well it seems to be something

that runs in the family.

And, Russo and Robin

just flipped out at Tom's idea.

Okay.

The girls are not going to meet

the Steels, absolutely not.

You don't understand who our family

is, if you could even suggest it.

They were alarmed by this

because I think by then

they were already a little concerned

about his attachment to you.

And, at that point, allowing you guys

to go there with him.

I'm bringing my kids. This is

my daughter and my stepdaughter

would present a different definition

of the family than what was true.

Your family was your mothers and

you guys, and he was an outsider.

Tom got very insistent, and we

had these back and forth phone calls.

And then it got more heated. It finally

got to the point where I was saying,

Why don't you come back to New York

and we'll talk about it in person?

Because I just felt like

we were forgetting

like he was forgetting our whole

relationship and the whole history,

and our promises to each other

and what this was all about.

I kept thinking, we have

an understanding.

We have an original understanding.

And this, this isn't working.

And they said to him, you

don't know your place, you know.

You have blown up everything.

And, we're not gonna talk

to you about any of this anymore.

Your moms tried

to stop the relationship.

My dad wrote letters.

Tom wrote letters.

We were a little afraid.

It was a good deal of fear

about power dynamics.

He wrote that it's a parental

relationship, that he's a father.

He said, you expect me to keep

going on like this forever,

but I want the relationship to grow

and deepen and become something else.

He changed his mind.

It was like, where do you come

off interfering with our family.

Grandma, in those days Russian women

and girls wore a scarf around their

I said to Russo and Robin, you've

been so proud all of these years

that you were building a new, different

kind of family, which you have done.

Now you've had a fight

in the family.

One member of the family wanted to

do something that you have vetoed.

It's vetoed.

It's over.

But that doesn't mean

you cut someone off.

And I feel a special

responsibility

because I was part of what

brought you into the world

by introducing Tom to Russo

and Robin, and made it happen.

I feel like I was among the grown-ups

who f*cked this up so badly for you.

We have our little country

house up in the Catskills.

And I was up there with you

and Cade, and mom was in the city

'cause she had to work that week.

It was in August.

And then a car pulled

into our driveway,

and I remember this woman getting

out of the car and saying to me,

"Are you Robin Young?"

And I said, "Yeah."

And, I remember she apologized.

She said, "I have no idea

what this is about, but I'm sorry."

And I was served with papers.

And I read them.

It was pretty clear.

I was being sued, me, for you.

For paternity

and immediate visitation.

They wanted you

in California immediately.

And I had to tell you guys.

You were nine and 11.

We were in the kitchen

and I remember Cade was holding

a bottle of cranberry juice.

And she dropped it.

And there was cranberry

juice all over the kitchen floor.

And the three of us were on our hands

and knees crying

with the paper towels mopping up

the cranberry juice.

So I called mom. I read her

everything that I had.

She said, "Put the kids

in the car and come home."

Well, I asked her

to read me the papers.

And I said, who's the lawyer

on the paper who was suing her?

And it was a lawyer that I knew.

Progressive, you know.

The name was Paul Gulielmetti

and the woman in his office was Ellen

Gesmer, who was handling the case.

And I called him, and I said

do you know who you're suing

'cause maybe he didn't know

Robin's name.

He certainly knew mine,

but my name wasn't on the papers,

'cause I wasn't a legal parent.

And I said, Paul,

do you know who you're suing?

And he said, yeah,

we had a really hard time

deciding the ethics of this,

if we should take this case.

But yes, I know who we're suing.

And I hung up the phone on him.

So I remember driving back to the city,

sort of like a maniac, and mom was there.

And by now, I was furious

because Milton called

and left a message

on our answering machine.

And he said we could meet

at their lawyer's office.

He said their lawyer could

draft this little document

and then you could bring Ry and a little

suitcase, and we'll settle this on paper

and then we'll take Ry

back to California with us.

And it was just like, whoa!

They had no idea what

- I think they underestimated us.

- Totally.