The things that make being an idol hard
are pretty much just being alive.
Having to keep up that persona
all the time can be very tiring.
They might get plastic surgery
and use so much makeup.
Your personal self
does not belong to you anymore.
- No.
- Right? Like, you
Once you sign that contract
you are then a property
of an entertainment group.
It's a long time since I've been here.
- Hongdae?
- Yes.
Ever since the scandal
a couple months ago,
it's been just tense and awkward
and cold and uncomfortable.
I don't remember
if it's this side or that side.
- It's this side, right? Yeah.
- It's this side. Yeah.
But a couple weeks ago,
Leia approached me, and she apologized.
And I felt her sincerity in that apology.
I was like, "Okay,
we can exist together as human beings."
- Wow.
- Oh, let's do these two
- since there's two of these.
- Okay.
I feel this looks like a minion
or something.
It does kind of look like that.
I'm thinking Met Gala when I see this.
The drama did affect BLACKSWAN as a group
because we had an image of always being,
like, one big family. Always like
this.
- Three, two.
- Camera.
Why are you acting cute?
- Yeah, I don't
- Oh, my God.
- No, I love this. What is this?
- No.
It was all too much at that point.
Like, way too much.
So, I decided to forgive her.
More for myself.
Because you cannot always hold
this hate and negativity into your heart.
It's not good, for me.
You know, I have a lot of time
to think about everything.
Was really awkward
because we we fighted.
But I feel I At the same time,
I feel you don't wanna fight anymore.
And me too.
I don't wanna hate in my heart.
And I don't wanna be hated too.
To be honest, I loved Fatou.
She was, like, really my friend.
So I just go to her, and I say everything.
Like, I do bad,
but you know you do bad too.
But, like, we are humans, and we learn.
At first I thought, "Oh, I think
I can never, like, forgive her."
- Or something.
- Yeah.
But after you apologize,
kind of like a heavy weight lifted
from my heart and my shoulders.
I was like, "Ah."
Me too, because I was
really, really, like,
tired of all the things.
We was really close.
Me, you, Youngheun, Judy.
That little moment, I was really happy
because I feel like, "Oh, I have,
like, kinda 'a family' here now."
Youngheun, she was our leader,
but she acts sometimes like a baby.
No one was talking with me,
so I was like, "Oh, my God.
I did something wrong,
but they don't wanna talk about it."
I called they. I called they a lot,
but they don't answer.
I was really close
with Youngheun and Judy.
But I think after I accepted your apology,
there was like a wall.
They was like,
"Oh, Fatou is not in our side anymore.
Now it's foreigners and Koreans.
I think the whole controversy
hit them really, really deep.
The thing I needed,
the closure I needed, was an apology.
For them, I don't know. It can take time.
It is what it is.
I'm a different type of beast
I'm a different type of beast
Beast, beast
I'm a different type of beast
But it's okay
Good to be alive
I'm a mother effin' rock star
Rock star
Rock, rock, rock with me
Feel, feel, feel
Feel so good to be alive
Feel so good
I'm the baddest B alive
I'm the baddest of the baddest
Bring it back
I'm a mother effin' rock star
When the Leia and Fatou scandal blew up,
that's when I started wanting to give up.
Leia created so many issues for us,
but she never apologized.
When we practiced, she would go hang out.
And then when she was done resting,
she'd say,
"Okay guys, I'm ready to practice!"
That's what would happen.
I started thinking that
I can't work with someone like this.
When there was the issue
between Fatou and Leia,
because Youngheun was the leader,
she had the responsibility
to mitigate the conflict.
But she failed to do so,
and that was very disappointing.
I had no direct connection with it,
so why did I have to deal with it?
Judy and Youngheun,
it was painful for them to deal
with the incident in Belgium
for more than couple of month.
So, they approached to us to quit.
What they admitted to me
is how they honestly felt
trusting the foreign members.
And so, because those issues
were never solved,
I couldn't take it anymore.
People think contract is
a powerful sort of document,
but when we have to deal
with human beings' will,
it's hard for us to just keep somebody
with the paper.
Actually, it's impossible.
They had a few years left
and we could say,
"You're obligated to stay here."
But even if we say that,
if they're not doing their best,
that's totally affecting other members.
So we let them go.
- You look better.
- Me?
How are you?
I'm good since there are no restrictions.
You know?
While we were in the group,
we couldn't go out at night,
- and we had to report everywhere we went!
- Everywhere we went!
We even had to report
when we were getting our nails done
and going to the convenience store
in front of our house.
And no drinking. And no dating.
- And we had a curfew!
- 10:00 p.m.
After the contract was over,
the first thing I did was go out at night.
- What was the first thing you did?
- I went to Busan.
I was there freely
drinking tons of alcohol,
looking at the ocean
and eating good food.
Right now I'm doing really good.
Me too.
However, I lost my sense of belonging.
Are you feeling a bit empty?
No, it's not necessarily that.
You feel kind of weird, huh?
- I know that feeling too.
- You're missing.
You're missing.
But I do wish we traveled more, internationally.
Belgium was our last overseas tour.
Belgium. We had a good time there.
That was the last time we were happy.
Yeah. Something that was like this.
Yeah.
Since I have been singing,
maybe later I can make YouTube content.
But I'm done with the K-Pop industry
and the entertainment industry,
without question.
I don't want to do K-Pop anymore.
I think I've had
more than enough experience.
And now I think I'll pursue
a completely different career path.
Thinking about that,
I'm getting a little teary.
I still regret the fact that
I wasn't able to stop
Leia and Fatou's incident.
Yeah.
But the thing that is a shame, you know,
the trainees just became members.
Like, the vibe of the group.
I'm curious about that.
To be honest,
it'll be difficult for a K-Pop girl group
with just foreign members to succeed.
I mean, in a K-Pop group
if there are no Korean members,
I feel like it's just
a K-Pop cover group, isn't it?
I'm sure the company will be smart
and pick another Korean member.
Won't they?
Youngheun and Judy know this,
but from the beginning I was very clear
that I'm only looking
for one Korean member, if at all.
And if they feel they're at their peak,
I have no problem getting rid of them.
Why? Because my goal is
to create a global group.
There is so much
that I have to do right now
for my next concert in Cambodia.
It's so overwhelming.
There's just so much
A lot of people are touring,
so all the stylists are booked.
So, I need somebody who is literally
like, works with just me.
It's casual, so which one is it?
I have everything ready,
but if you don't have an outfit
that's just, like You have makeup,
everything and what, I'ma go up naked?
I mean, I wouldn't mind, but
It's not about dressing sexual, it's more
like feeling confident in your body.
So, I I like to wear stuff
that are very tight.
Should I wear this?
Yes, try it on.
But, in reality,
I get a lot of backlash for it.
Obviously,
there's a Korean standard, right?
If you wanna be a K-Pop idol,
like, there's a specific look.
Pale skin. Feminine, like, girlie.
Conservative. Very petite, skinny girls.
Back in the day, I was none of that.
They said, "You're not photogenic.
Your cheekbones are too high.
You wear too much makeup. You're too tan.
Like, you wanna fix everything."
So, at that time, I felt, like,
forced to get surgery.
Do you like this color or this color?
Probably the tanner one.
- This one?
- Yeah.
The first time I got surgery,
the nose job that I got, I tweaked it.
But once they did that,
I started seeing all the flaws in my face.
And that's when I start tweaking sh*t.
So, before that I wasn't insecure.
I started getting insecure
after I got surgery.
And that's when I got out of control.
First time I had the lip injections.
I liked it. It was, like, a good size.
And then I started overdoing it.
When I got a reality check
was when everybody was like,
"Wow. She looks so botchy."
And I saw it.
And I actually got my lips dissolved.
Which one do you like better, Eddie?
The gray one.
I believe enhancing yourself is fine.
When you wanna do it,
and someone's forcing you to do it,
it's completely different.
But you have to know your limit, you know?
And it's really hard, to be honest,
because once you start
getting procedures done, little by little,
you just keep finding flaws in yourself
and it's really hard to control.
Now, to be honest,
I don't care what anybody says anymore.
As long as I'm healthy, I look okay on TV
and when I perform, I'm okay.
I just wanna inspire women
to be themselves.
So KCON is in Los Angeles next month.
- SEONGMIN: Wow!
- MINHEE: Sounds fun.
Let's do "JUMPER"
and then go over the new routine.
WOOBIN:
Did you say we're learning a new dance?
Oh, no.
Which is why we're going
to have to practice a lot.
The world's largest
Korean music convention, KCON, is on.
KCON, it's a huge K-Pop convention.
K-Pop fans from all around the world.
Just thinking about it is so exhilarating.
There are millions of fans
from around the world
and KCON brings them together.
Not a lot of groups get the opportunity
to perform for thousands of K-Pop fans.
We wanna get as many new fans as possible.
So, being able to perform at KCON in LA,
it's just so important for us to do well.
That's right.
Can you turn the music on?
Shall we see how this goes?
It's your world
Just do what you want to do, aight?
Up, up we go
We're a JUMPER
My name is Eshy Gazit. I've worked
with CRAVITY in the past two years
introducing them
to the American audiences.
I worked with Kiiara, uh, MONSTA X.
And obviously, the most famous one is BTS.
Thank you, Billboard, for supporting us.
Thank you.
The national, worldwide global success
is the United States.
If you make it here, there's so many
more chances you make it everywhere.
Go to the place you want, want
Just imagine the place, place
CRAVITY is almost like a new generation.
Their chances is
as good as BTS or MONSTA X.
If they succeed in KCON,
I see a big future for them, for sure.
Up, up we go
We're a JUMPER
From the beginning, let's try that again.
Hey, Taeyoung, if you can't handle it
let's switch you with Serim.
- No, I can handle it.
- You sure you can handle it?
Yes. I'll try again.
My earliest memories are
from when I lived in Malaysia.
In order for my mom to study English,
she took me and my sister to live there.
My dad and I didn't have
the best relationship at the time.
When Taeyoung told me
he wanted to be an idol
I was really surprised.
Because I'm a realist,
I was worried it'd be too difficult.
So, I remember asking him
if he could just do it as a hobby.
Although my dad watched silently
from the sidelines, at that time,
he'd criticize my mom
for letting me focus on dancing.
Living separately has helped
our relationship get better
and we're kind of able to
leave the past in the past.
However, it's still a deep-seated grudge
that's been around for a while,
so it's not really easy to let things go.
Walking down this path,
there were many moments I hated myself.
Because this job exposes you
to so many people and their opinions,
all the efforts I made so far
could be in vain.
However, I felt I should use
this opportunity
to prove myself by improving my skills.
Instead of being discouraged,
I used it to work hard.
That's what motivated me.
Can't get enough
Boldly, let's chill
Make it move, woah, oh
You pretend to be innocent
We got another offer from Belgium
to do another concert.
Last concert was really successful.
I'm a little bit worried
because Gabi and Sriya just joined.
But it's very rare opportunity for us,
so it's something that we have to pursue.
A night of dancing, like fuego
Bet you know karma
It will come around
Yep, boy, you runnin'
But I'm coming for you right now
It's good! It's really good.
You must be practicing a lot.
When I found out that Youngheun unni
and Judy were not in the group,
I was pretty heartbroken because
I was really close with them.
I lost two great friends.
And now the leader title
has been given to me,
so I have to teach Sriya and Gabi
the choreography,
the details,
how to basically perform on stage.
And I'm feeling stressed the out,
because they're not ready yet.
Can't get enough
Boldly, let's chill
Make it move, whoa, oh
Change the "Can't get enough" part
with a higher pitch.
Can't get enough
- That kind of feeling.
- Yeah.
Baby, it's not that hard
Just be honest
You can say it
Louder!
I want to know you the mask
All I want is truth
Stop the play, hey, hey, hey
Your lyrics have no confidence.
So, add a little bit more confidence
in your lyrics.
One, two, three
Come, come around
One, two, three
Come, come around
Turn and turn
Spin, spin around
Unstoppable holic
Brr, ta-ta-ta
Let's try this again. I'll play the music.
Come on, come on
Come, come around
One, two, three.
One, two, three
Come, come around
Why are you making that face
when you aren't even practicing?
Because I'm not on good terms
with the company right now.
You fought with the company?
It's none of my business.
It's frustrating.
I'm so frustrated that
I can't even practice correctly.
We don't have much time.
Look at me. It's not right.
You need to prioritize
practicing this. Okay?
I'm gonna talk to the manager. Okay?
Leia's mood is fluctuating every day.
It's really hard for
I guess hard for her.
Also, it's really hard for
not only myself,
all the members, and the staff as well.
Get out.
Now the next one.
I am watching.
Zoom in, zoom out, okay
Baby, shocked starin'
Like a hawk gawkin' at me, gawkin'
Baby, shocked starin'
Like a hawk, like a hawk, hawk
That's right!
At this part in the song, you do this.
Get to your position.
I think it'll look nicer.
Let's see it one more time.
After Europe, the Cambodia show is
the first time I'm actually having
a real organized show.
I went over the contract
multiple, multiple times.
I know the itineraries.
Everything's set up.
I just really hope it's going to be
a more professional show.
Rather than what happened in Europe.
You just have to shake anything you got.
Shake your bones.
Shake your bones.
Again!
From now on, we have to work hard
in order to keep leveling up.
But sometimes I wonder if that's possible.
You need to have joy while you're dancing
- LEIA: Yes.
- right?
Happiness needs to be seen in your eyes.
I think you guys are too busy
following the steps right now.
I feel everyone is
really worried about Belgium,
because we have
really short time to prepare.
There is so much pressure, because
it will be our first stage performance.
First, boom.
When I was really young,
I was looking up as a fan
at the KCON LA stage,
and now I'm coming back to LA,
my hometown, to perform.
It's just so amazing and crazy.
There's definitely a pressure
to show my friends, my family
what I've been doing while I was away.
Like, usually people would go
through tough situations
and they would kind of be like,
"Let me take a break from this."
But me, I can't give up right now.
I I can't.
Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna stop
or slow down anytime soon.
My knee!
Shall we take a little break?
I feel like my brain is malfunctioning.
Can you turn the music on?
Shall we see how this goes?
I'm always so exhausted after that song.
Okay, the next one.
- Thank you!
- Thank you!
Wow.
I'm so thankful to have you guys here.
And Fatou unni as leader.
- And this makes me really happy because
- Are you crying?
- What? I'm not crying. I'm not crying.
- Okay.
The medicine don't don't let me cry.
Don't worry.
We're gonna go back to Belgium
to perform for the first time
with this lineup.
And it's just a lot.
It's just a lot. Yeah.
It's important how the chemistry is
between the members
and how good of a relationship
you have between the members.
That energy shows also on stage.
Okay. So, on a bit more serious note,
what are your thoughts about
Youngheun unni and Judy
graduating from the group?
Like, I didn't sleep well.
I didn't eat well.
Like, I was very sad about this.
I cannot even focus on anything.
Like, I feel the same as Sriya, but, like,
it's better you do what you want, right?
I just wanted to live together,
practice together,
and everyone was very happy.
And it it's unexpected turn.
My God, I have so many things
I want to say,
but I'm I'm I'm not saying.
- What? What?
- Oh, God.
- What?
- Sriya is so innocent.
You know they go out because they say,
"Why do you keep adding foreigners?"
We know, but what will I do
if I keep hate on, like, myself.
It will not give me any help
in the future.
Don't hold hate in your heart.
- I don't hold anything in my heart.
- Or like, negative negative things.
But, like, I feel without they we are
we was not BLACKSWAN.
Yes.
I'm really sad that
Youngheun unni and Judy unni left.
Because they were BLACKSWAN.
Like, I started thinking about,
"Are we K-Pop?"
We speak in Korean, we're promoting Korea,
so we are K-Pop.
But, are we K-Pop?
I think a lot about that.
You guys maybe don't know, but
I don't really want to be here anymore.
But I don't wanna go out
and leave you guys,
and then another member come.
I don't wanna This messy.
So, that's why I feel like
you two have to do really
a really good impression
in the performance in Belgium.
- Me too.
- That's right now my number one worry.
Because when we stand on stage in Belgium,
it's gonna be the first time for
both of you to be on stage as BLACKSWAN.
So we really need to leave
a very strong impact for the fans.
If they see that we're really,
like, doing well on stage,
they're gonna feel a bit more okay.
A bit Little, little bit more okay
with Youngheun unni and Judy leaving
because they see,
"Ah, okay, BLACKSWAN is still here,
they're still working hard to keep
the group and the name, like, alive."
So we have to really reassure them.
'Cause they've been through a lot
- A lot, yes.
- the last year.
And now this is gonna be
on their plate again.
Fatou work really hard to come here.
Like, really hard, like, you
you guys don't even know.
So, I just hope you guys can show
all of your talents in Belgium.
For me, I'm so sorry,
like, when we practice
because sometimes I'm a little bit slow
and learn new things.
I don't learn as fast as Sriya.
But it's like I really try to
focus as much as I can and
- Yes.
- We know you're working hard.
We're gonna practice.
We're gonna get there. It's gonna be good.
- Yes. More than good.
- Yes.
Ay, easy smilin'
From ear to ear
CRAVITY!
Oh, can't stop smilin'
The time has finally come.
2022 KCON in LA.
I'm just super psyched and quite nervous.
It's being in LA, being in my hometown,
after four years,
sort of feels strange and unfamiliar.
But being there with my members is
really special.
With people that you really like,
you wanna share with them everything.
Hollywood!
We don't play, them haters
Take them all away
We gonna celebrate
We gonna celebrate
Ooh, yeah
- Yo.
- What's up, bro?
- Dude.
- What's up, bro?
- Oh, man. Sick shirt, man.
- Good seeing you. Nice jersey.
- Thank you. How are you?
- I'm fine, man.
Growing up with my brother,
he really had a big influence on me.
With, like, the music I listen to,
the way I do my hair,
like, the way I dressed.
How does it feel to be back in LA?
- It feels good.
- Yeah?
I didn't eat much.
Just 'cause I was saving
my stomach for mom's cooking.
WELCOME HOME, LEN-CHAN
I was 18 years old when I first
got into Starship to start training.
And I've been away from my family
for approximately four years.
Mom!
Hello!
Mom!
You are back!
Finally, you are back!
Four years.
Why are you so skinny?
You are so skinny!
It's okay. It's okay.
I lived separate from my dad
for most of my adolescent years.
My mom, she's all that I have,
and so it's amazing
to be able to see her again.
Ready for dinner? Come on, let's eat.
- Do you like your little shrine?
- A shrine?
Yeah. We have all your albums right here.
- Dude.
- Like six.
Your pictures.
Growing up with Allen,
we were a pretty normal family.
Our dad worked as a policeman,
and our mother was a homemaker.
And we moved to the United States,
but my dad stayed back to work
and, you know, provide us with money.
And he's still there.
Allen and I, we tried our best to pick up
English and get a good education
and, you know, achieve the American dream.
- Cheers.
- Welcome back!
- Welcome back home.
- Thanks.
Cheers.
- You know what that is?
- Apple vinegar?
Yup, exactly.
This is what you ate
when you were a kid, right?
I guess you still remember the bowl.
You guys have the same bowls.
And this one,
- and this one, and this one.
- The old one is green.
The new one is blue, the green one broke.
Delicious?
Delicious.
- Is it tasty?
- Yep, delicious.
Did you worry about him in Korea?
Of course. I worried a lot.
Then why did you let him go?
When children grow up,
they need to be independent.
He had already made his decision.
How could I say "no"?
He should be responsible for his decision.
My mom has always been supportive
to, you know, let me pursue my dreams.
He's a great dancer.
He can dance very well.
The whole group is great.
She had it hard.
Having to raise two kids in America,
like, it's hard.
She was almost living
as, like, a single mother.
So, I want to do my best to be successful.
To be able to repay her.
I'm super excited
to perform in front of her.
It's really a dream come true for me.
I am very excited.
Definitely want to go to see
and hold a sign, "Yay, Allen! Allen!"
But you can't see us!
As a family, we were okay
with letting Allen go to Korea
and pursue his path.
You know, I was very worried.
You know,
the K-Pop life was going to be difficult.
You know, you don't know
how long he's gonna be there.
You don't know if he's gonna succeed.
But, at the end of the day,
he had a dream, and he worked very hard.
And to think that he came
from a small apartment,
in a forgettable suburb in Los Angeles.
Going to Korea and debut as a K-Pop idol
is just very inspirational.
Right, how does it feel? To go from,
like, a small apartment like this,
going to different hotels,
different countries.
Yeah. This definitely, um, motivated me
to, like, get out of this
this this small, crowded space.
Hey, I think I decorated this place
pretty good, all right?
- 'Cause I left.
- We cleaned up good.
It's 'cause I left, dude.
Jessi! Jessi!
Jessi! Jessi!
Cambodia specifically said I cannot curse.
When they say I can't curse
I'm gonna try.
It's been about eight months
since I didn't have a label.
I learned a lot.
What happens is,
when you leave a contract, right
Everyone starts coming to you like ants.
And I got so overwhelmed.
There was a lot of shady people around me.
I thought it was gonna get better,
but then I realized, mentally,
I realized,
"Wow, like, I can't do this on my own."
Take this off.
I think you should take this
This piece isn't necessary.
I'm going to be constantly pulling this up
during the concert.
I decided after Cambodia
I want to sign with a label.
I've been through so much in life,
and I deserve a good support system.
I don't like this.
It looks like my underwear.
- Yeah.
- You know what I mean?
The most important thing is
I am a K-Pop star,
because I'm singing in Korean,
so that is technically K-Pop.
But I'm also American, and I need
a company where they understand that,
because that is a part of my life.
This is how I got here.
Should I take off my underwear?
You can't do that.
It's better to take off my underwear.
Rather than
I think we should go commando.
Let's just cut the underwear.
- It's not expensive.
- I know.
Get me the scissors.
We cut the we go commando.
Now I'm starting from scratch,
again, with my career.
And I'm going to have a new journey,
new life, new chapter, new book.
But I'm feeling more confident
about the future.
- Can you smell my perfume?
- Yeah, of course.
You're worried that
you can't smell the perfume?
Seriously?
What the
It's hot and it's raining.
Wow, it's really hot.
Everyone is definitely
stressed out 'cause of the rain.
My staffs were like, "Oh, my God,"
'cause they just did my hair, my makeup.
It's all gonna get drenched.
They're scared that
my clothes is gonna, like, fall off.
Like, we don't know what's gonna happen.
But for me,
even if I'm electrocuted doing
something that I love, then so be it.
Oh, my God.
But not, nothing from me
You make me cry
Hey, boy
We're preparing for
our upcoming stage in Belgium.
We've been, I guess, practicing
from early morning till late at night.
I feel like it's nowhere near
where it's supposed to be.
And it's getting me stressed out,
annoyed and just worried.
Since Youngheun unni and Judy unni left,
I feel more pressure,
because we never practiced
this hard, I think.
Sometimes we even stay here to sleep.
Let's go to bed soon.
Good night!
I'm just worried about everything.
Five, six, seven, eight.
It's not nice to keep running away
But I'm fine
Let's do it again.
It is really, really hard,
because we need to learn every detail.
And we only have three days
before we go to the concert.
Can we do once more?
It's not nice to go
- running away
- running away
No, that's not right.
Well, your dancing is too stiff.
It's too
Relax.
She's slowly getting better,
but I need ten times more.
She need to be, like,
hundred times better than she is now.
We practiced a lot yesterday,
but it just disappeared.
It all disappeared.
Again.
The reason why I'm pushing them so hard
is because I don't want people
to attack them when they go onstage,
because people can be pretty vicious.
And that's not a nice feeling, you know.
You don't have any power in your dance.
You just look like you're doing this.
That's not it.
It's been
really, really, really difficult for me.
I'm practicing and practicing
and give my heart,
and it's not enough.
Like, what should I do?
Should I go back home?
But I don't want to go back home.
I want to be an artist.
I'm, like, here for a reason,
but if I don't have a talent,
why they choose me?
Me and Sriya, we, like,
joined at the same time.
But, it's always me.
She do everythings good.
Why I'm not like her?
It's too much pressure.
Like, too much pressure.
How they will let me to perform
if it's not good?
Like
I don't know.
Again.
Yeah, busting down the door
Goin' vio mode
Trending hot topic
That's ma name on yo' phone
by my side on Versace glow
Thought that it was over
What you mean?
Look at me
I ain't finished, nuh
Let me hit you with the bass
Psycho with a pretty face
Got you swervin' down the lane
Why you choosin' who to blame?
Who you on the side?
Why you
Turn it up, turn it up, yeah
Fatou boss on the beat
This gon' get you on yo' feet
Always blasting on repeat, yeah
Fatou boss on the beat
This gon' get you on yo' feet
Always blasting on
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