Today is the greatest and
most important day of your life.
Today is the day you meet me.
Being broke is a choice.
Why are you such a loser?!
Sorry, I was
just thinking about
all the money
I'm making right now.
I don't f*ck with fate,
follow me.
Metal Mike! Metal Mike!
Who am I, you ask?
Drumroll, please!
Metal.
I'm probably
the most humble person you know.
But I f*ck' rule.
When I was a kid,
I survived
on baloney sandwiches
- and duct-taped sneakers.
- Ew!
You're poor for a reason.
It's your choice!
How much money
do you want to make?
That's the question.
That's not the only thing
I'm popping tonight.
Oo, wow!
Isn't he great?
He's kinda sexist.
I don't know.
Exactly what is it
that I'm investing in here?
In him,
in his lifestyle.
He makes money
being himself.
And now he's setting his sights
to dominate the crypto game.
Gary, that's a pyramid scheme.
You know, I was just
trying to help you out
because I thought
we were friends, you know.
But it's obvious
you're trying to...
drag my ambitious booty down.
Bye, Gary.
There are two kinds
of people in this world.
There are the talkers.
And then, there are...
There's two types
of people in this world.
- Walkers...
- Boom.
...and talkers.
Take a ride with me.
I am getting sick and tired
of all these white people
creating tequila brands
in Mexico.
I'm not about that app...
- appropriate... ah!
- Appropriation.
People come up to me,
they're crying, like,
I can't believe... Mama...
get the f*ck outta my face.
The secret to life
is doing
whatever the f*ck you want.
I'm helping so many people
make millions!
Hey, honey, I'm home.
I'm gonna go
to the man den, babe.
I need you
to cover for me, okay?
I, uh, got a date
with destiny.
Okay, have a great time!
Say good night to your kids.
I was basically homeless.
I didn't have
a purpose in life.
He saved my life, he changed it
forever. Click here!
Why don't you come
join the winning team?
I met Metal Mike
by a guy in a dice game.
Showed me how to flip
200 into 2.9.
- Thanks, Metal Mike.
- If you Google search
"rags to riches," some stupid
old boomer's picture pops up.
Why don't we change that today?
I would like to say
that I have had
so much success
with Metal Mike's
crypto currency.
Like investments.
I don't know
what it is about him.
He just really turns me on.
This could be you every day.
On top of a mountain
in the Hollywood Hills?
It's the Metal Mike way.
And I know your mom's like,
"Don't invest
with Metal Mike,
he doesn't know
what he's doing."
Well, she's living
in a two-bedroom apartment.
Facts.
Invest now!
And remember,
Metal Mike has
amazing opportunities
to invest-- stay tuned!
Hello there.
What up, girl?
Come on!
Oh, we're high fiving now?
Okay. All right.
- Ah!
- Ha, ha!
- Damn, that hurt.
- Popping.
All right,
I got some corn dog bites.
Aw, that's
why you're my favorite.
I know.
So, how's it going, buddy?
Mm, hm, hm!
"Gar," it's been a week.
- Yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
I think I'm gonna m*rder
my ex-husband.
Not gonna unpack that one.
Plausible deniability.
Ha, smart.
Wait, so where's
Carl and the perv at?
Come on,
Kurt is not that bad.
Okay, look, I love him.
But I will be shocked
if his face is not
immediately buried
in your disgusting collection.
Those are vintage magazines,
for your information.
They're porno mags, come on.
Uh, just so you know,
there's a bunch
of magazines in there.
Reader's Digest,
Sports Illustrated.
I also got
a rad collection of vinyl.
- Is that disgusting?
- Oh, it's so rad.
All right,
come on, Marty McFly.
- I need a drink.
- All right.
Take off!
Boom.
Party, party.
They have arrived.
- Called it!
- My drink, bartender!
I can't believe your wife
lets you see
all these coochie magazines.
You are one f*cking lucky dog.
Yeah, well,
she's not a fan, obviously.
But I'm not
selling the thing piecemeal.
I want someone to come
and buy the whole collection.
I could take it
off your hands.
I just said!
I'm selling everything,
not just the dirty ones.
It's a one-time offer, okay?
Two-hundred and fifty bucks.
- Per magazine?
- No, per f*cking page.
Of course, 250 bucks
for your whole pile of sh*t.
No-- get the f*ck outta here.
I told you to start
using your phone.
You can look at porn
in your phone.
Why do I hang out
with you guys?
Yeah, come on,
there's a lady present.
Here, have a c*ck.
- Thank you.
- We're gonna be rich!
Yeah, I know.
Okay, before
we kickstart the evening,
I wanted to say a couple things.
What started out
four years ago
as just a support group
for repressed people
with big dreams,
has evolved
into movie nights,
weekend drinks,
and Christmases together.
- Yes.
- We've turned into a family
that, no matter what,
- we stick together.
- Yeah!
Especially when
the green notes keep coming in!
Yeah, yeah.
And I sincerely want to say,
thank you for trusting me.
For believing in this
life-changing
business opportunity.
Because I can truly see
how bright the light shines
on this very special group.
- Woo!
- Here, here!
Here!
Cheers.
And...
without further ado...
- Yeah!
- Yeah.
Woo.
What's up, metal heads?
I wish I had better--
better news.
But I lost it all!
We got bad intel.
It wasn't me.
It was some guy in my company.
We fired him, all right?
I've been told
not to say anything...
from my lawyers
until we hear and know more.
I'm sorry.
We lost it all.
I'm so sad right now!
I am so sad!
Okay, let me
and my two friends
get dressed,
and we're gonna land in Paris.
And we'll be landing there.
I'm gonna go rendezvous
with two more chicas
at the Crazy Horse.
And then give me,
two, three-- make it a week.
And I'll have more information
for you, all right?
But for now,
we have the investments
of Dinero Tornado,
if you need a backup investment.
Onwards and upwards.
Gary, what the hell was that?
I'm as confused as you are.
I must have dozed off.
What's going on?
Did our money just f*ck'
vanish into thin air?
According to Disco d*ck, yeah.
f*ck, the chat--
the chat is rioting.
Yeah, no sh*t,
they're losing their mind.
I'm losing my mind.
Today, I am going
to f*cking die!
Guys, just-- okay,
just everyone chill.
Okay?
We're gonna figure this out.
Chill? I lost
my entire safety net.
My savings are gone, Gary.
It's not just you, okay?
We all just lost
our f*ck' money!
I lost my child.
I'm-- f*cking--
this man k*lled my child
and k*lled me.
You double m*rder*r, f*ck you.
What the f*ck
are you talking about?
Okay, my child, look.
My whole life is gone.
I can't live any longer!
That's just a cat!
I lost my dream, man!
You're talking
about a f*cking cat?
I have a child to think about.
I lost everything!
You're a f*cking actor.
Get a f*cking job, then.
Get a f*cking job!
It's not a job, it's acting!
I have a f*cking child
to think about!
One day,
you're on top of the world.
Possibilities are endless.
Then life gives you a good
old-fashioned a*s kicking.
One that could
only be described
as an emotional beating
like the one Joe Pesci got
in "Casino."
Brutal.
I wrote, called,
wrote some more.
The answers never came.
Alex, get in the car.
Call your grandmother
and tell her we're on our way.
Katie, please,
can we just chill
for a second, okay?
- Chill?
- Yes.
- Chill?
- Yes.
You're acting like,
I don't know,
like I just caught you
watching porn,
or having eaten
the last slice of pizza.
- Babe, please.
- Don't you know what you did?
You just pissed away
our children's college funds.
Our trip to Belize.
Everything we worked towards.
All the sacrifices
that we made-- gone.
And for what? Ugh.
And you know--
do you know
what really,
really upsets me?
That you did all of this
without consulting me.
Because you knew
I would say no.
Babe, please, please.
Let go, let go.
It's gonna be okay, buddy.
Babe, please,
don't leave me alone.
Let's just talk
about this, okay?
You're not gonna
be alone, Gary.
You have your hero,
your best friend.
Metal Mike,
to keep you company.
How about that?
It didn't just destroy me.
It broke us all.
Carl was once repped by
one of the best agents in town.
If it goes
straight to voicemail,
it means I am busy--
I have told you that
a million times, g*dd*mn it.
Well, don't let it happen again.
Okay, Mommy loves you.
Bye, boo-boo.
Ugh, terrible threes.
Carl, right.
Listen, I told you
when you signed with me
it was going to take a while.
Okay? If you want something
with more immediacy,
maybe you should audition
for OnlyFans.
I don't think
that's how OnlyFans works.
Okay, uh...
notice these dancers here?
- Yeah.
- They're my clients.
And do you know
why I rep them?
Because they're f*cking good!
Okay?
You've got it,
and you're only getting better.
And you're five times closer
than thousands of others
because you have me.
- You're right.
- I know, I'll talk soon.
Oh, and they don't
validate here.
Let's go everyone, places.
Hey, come on, let's go.
Let's get it together.
We got people waiting.
People who are paying us.
Okay, big energy, yeah?
Sixty seconds,
people, come on!
Life's a bit
different now for Carl.
He takes any job he can get.
Hey, girl,
you look really good today.
Did you do something
different with your hair?
What do you want?
Okay, so I accidentally
dirtied my shirt.
I know, so unprofessional.
So, I was going to go
all the way home.
And I have to go,
and I have to pick up my son,
and then I have
to drop off my son,
and I've gotta make
the snacks, and then I gotta--
Okay, honey.
I got it.
You're desperate.
I'll keep an eye out.
You can get out now.
Not even for my kid.
Pati lost all the money
she was saving
to buy a house.
Now she's juggling
two jobs as a paralegal.
Seems like the only thing
that hasn't changed for her
is her toxic-a*s ex.
Oh, yay!
- Mommy's here, Mommy's here.
- Hey, baby!
- Oh.
- Ahh-- by the way,
I cannot
watch him tomorrow.
Of course not,
what now?
What now?
I have a life.
I'm busy with...
I'm, uh... you know,
you were
the one who walked out.
You cheated on me
with our babysitter.
One time.
Five times,
that I know of.
No, it's one time
with one person.
Like, it's a single affair,
is what I meant.
- It only counts as one.
- Oh, it only counts as one?
Hi, Anne! I can see you.
- I needed a--
- Good night, Robbie.
I will see you tomorrow.
- What?
- Good night.
Oh, and Kurt.
Well, nobody had really
heard from him in a while.
Dude, why aren't you
picking up your phone?
- Jeez.
- I've been busy.
Kurt's in the hospital.
- What?
- Yes! Come on.
sh*t, okay.
There he is.
Hey.
How's he doing?
He had a stroke
caused by stress.
The mailman found him.
Why is he wearing sunglasses?
He had crazy cone face,
- I don't...
- No, no.
- It's his favorite, though.
- He looks like Ray Charles.
He hates Ray Charles.
Does he have insurance?
How?
No, he's not covered.
And he's stable, but...
It's gonna cost him
an arm and a leg.
They're gonna amputate?
I'm sorry,
this is my wife.
My ex-wife.
- I don't know.
- Oh.
Hey.
Wait-wait-wait-wait,
slow down, slow down.
Okay, I'll...
I'll be right over, okay?
My son just got
expelled from school.
- Oh.
- What?
I gotta go.
I'll see you guys later.
Yeah.
We'll keep you posted.
Damn it, he drove me.
Oh, that's cool, I got you.
Thanks.
Did your attorney friend
get back to you?
It's not looking good.
How are things with you?
Why does everyone always say
"anything you need"?
Yet the one time
you need a favor,
they send you packing.
Because it's money.
What, you don't think so?
No, yeah, you're right.
I'm sighing because
you're right, but...
I'm also dreading
what I'm about to say next.
What?
I might...
have another way
to get us our money back.
- Hey.
- Where is he?
- He's upstairs.
- Okay.
But promise me
you're gonna stay calm.
- I'm calm.
- You sure?
- Yes.
So, what did he do?
He just started a fight.
What?!
So much for being calm.
So, how'd it go?
He still hates me.
That makes two of us.
You're not wearing
your wedding ring.
What did you expect?
We're not partners
anymore, remember?
You betrayed us.
Look, I lost my job, okay?
I'm trying to get
a severance, and...
nobody's hiring somebody at
my age and experience right now.
Oh, I'm sorry, Gary.
But I have nothing
to do with that.
This is a consequence
of your own actions.
I'm not the one
that got scammed.
We were investing
in a movement.
A brand.
He has a ton
of followers, like,
the algorithms were cracked!
Ha... Gary, I'm sorry,
but you can't even do
simple math
without a calculator.
What the f*ck do you know
about algorithms?
You'd be surprised.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Give me the definition
of algorithm.
We're here
because of you, Gary.
Sign the papers.
Let's sell the house
and do this amicably.
You always were
a "rip the band-aid off"
kind of woman.
This is gonna affect us
for the rest of our lives.
Help me come out of it
sanely, please.
You can put the house
on the market.
Keep all the money, okay?
I mean it.
But I'm not signing
the papers, okay?
I'm not giving up on us.
- I don't wanna do it.
- Okay, I get it,
- but then why did you tell me?
- I don't know, I just...
Look, he's here.
Come on.
What's up?
Tell him.
We need to talk.
Come on, Carl, what is it?
Yeah,
we're here, tell us.
I know a guy.
Okay, I know
lots of guys, what...
He fixes problems,
no matter what.
- What do you mean?
- Like, a handyman?
No, I'm serious.
Remember "Bourne Identity"?
Yeah, dude, I own
the whole quintology on HD-DVD.
Well, I know
someone like that.
With amnesia?
- Hello?
- Hey, are you
in or around the LA area?
- Uh, yep.
- You, uh, you think
you can meet
tomorrow evening?
Sure, that works, yeah.
Send me the address.
- Thanks for...
- Cool, all right, bye.
Agent Fuscas.
Been awhile since
we've seen you in LA.
Big mission?
The most important
in my life.
Do you remember me?
- No.
- You saved my life.
I got shot in the a*s.
I remember now.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Hey, what the hell, man?
There's a doorbell.
f*ck you, I don't knock.
- Okay, this is weird, right?
- Mm-hmm.
Do you wanna ditch these weirdos
and go grab a nice steak,
catch up?
No, thanks.
I'm vegan and these weirdos
are my friends.
Hello.
Carl, are you going
to introduce us?
Carl? What happened
to the rest of the letters?
This is Felipe.
It's good to see you, Son.
Wait. What?
- You didn't tell them about me?
- I...This is a mistake. Uh...
No, no. No.
I'm chill. Let's just call it...
Let's have a beer.
Scarecrow, hit me.
I'm all ears.
I need you to help us get
half a million dollars.
Did I hear you correctly?
Half a mil? Why?
Does it matter?
- Yes, it does.
- All right, bad investment.
Ah.
The plot thickens.
Why not get
the authorities involved?
They can't do anything. We
handed over the money willingly.
Look, lawsuits can take years
and the legal fees alone
will bleed us dry.
Any other situation,
we're royally f*cked.
Please, we're desperate.
No sh*t.
- You owe me.
- I owe you?
Yeah.
You don't think
this is my last resort?
But here I am.
Okay, before we get
into the financials
or in this case, emotionals,
how do we even know
that you're qualified?
I've overseen
hundreds of missions
in Desert Storm and Afghanistan.
I've trained the FBI.
The CIA.
PRX too.
What's PRX?
Uh...
You don't wanna know.
He's the real deal, guys.
That's why he was never around
when I was a kid.
But, uh, look, sir.
Here's the target.
His name's Metal Mike.
He makes content here in town.
Hmm.
Why should I help...you?
Because we need you.
I, uh, need you.
Sorry, mijo.
There he goes.
Leaving again, as usual.
I told you he was gonna leave.
Great.
You said he was gonna help.
- No, but he left.
- Okay, big idea--
I'm sorry you invested
your money in a pyramid scheme,
Ponzi scheme, whatever.
You want money?
I can give you some money
just to keep you afloat.
- Just you, just to be clear.
- Damn it.
I'm sorry
I wasn't there for you.
The two of you.
But you shouldn't
hold that against me.
I sacrificed to protect millions
from horrors you can't
even begin to imagine.
If you help us, I'll go have
that steak with you.
Hear you out, whatever you want.
Do any of you have any training
in, like, combat,
hand-to-hand combat?
Yes, sir.
I did ROTC in high school,
so I'm pretty seasoned.
So none of you.
I'm in.
Oh!
- Yes.
- Two things.
Once we start,
we don't stop till daylight.
Got it.
Second, I call the shots.
You follow my lead.
No pushbacks.
So, when do we begin?
We've already begun.
I am jacked as hell right now,
because my Metal Mike Cummin'
Across the Country Tour
is gonna be epic.
I'm looking at the dates
right now and I just...
f*ck.
Sorry, y'all.
Those twins in Brussels
last night drained me.
Anyway, you're gonna want
to get tickets ASAP,
'cause this whole shindig
is gonna be epic!
Ha, ha, ha!
And we're clear.
Damn it!
This is why I request a massage
before every show!
It's f*cked.
Hey, Jordan wants to see you.
- Uh, right now?
- Yeah.
Uh, o-okay.
Okay, thank you, thank you.
Mikey.
I saw the live stream.
Did you get much sleep
last night?
Yeah.
Sorry. It's been a morning.
Uh-huh.
You, uh...
have a good time
with those girls last night?
Sex all night.
You make the sexy time
all night?
Stay up...late?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was with an elderly woman.
Some call it a cougar.
She had legs strong as gold--
Oh!
Oh, Mikey, I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry. I didn't--
I meant to just
give you a caress.
A loving caress
of encouragement.
Because you were f*cking up
so bad the live stream.
Because when you say something
and you don't believe it,
like we rehearsed,
then they don't believe you.
When they don't believe you,
the numbers, they go down!
Way down, Mikey.
But when you do it right,
the numbers go up!
And I love you so much.
But when you don't, I hate you.
I hate you so much.
Okay? All I need you to do
is get some sleep, okay?
Concentrate!
And don't f*ck up
my life's dream.
Good?
Good, good, good.
Good, good, good. Okay?
That's good. That's good.
Just, uh, remember January.
You didn't like January.
Let's not go down
that road again!
Okay, okay.
Okay. We're away
from the security cameras.
Are you distressed?
I am. He wants me
to go again live tomorrow.
Tomorrow?
But you were supposed to have
the rest of the week off.
That's the only way
you can do this.
I know.
But I have an idea.
You're not gonna like it.
- Okay.
- But we leave tonight.
Tonight?
Okay, what's the plan?
All right, we jump
on an international flight.
Yes, yes.
By the time he realizes
I'm not streaming,
we'll be across the pond.
I had an orgy once with the
Spice Girls, so they owe me.
I know.
It doesn't seem ideal.
But you don't know
what he's capable of.
I've seen it. He is a maniac.
Book the flights in your name.
Rendezvous stays the same.
Sasha Croissants?
Yes.
Thank you so much
for being my only friend.
Of course.
Let's ditch this b*tch.
Yeah, let's go.
Ah.
Oh!
You couldn't get
a faster getaway car?
It's a rental!
The son of a b*tch
just pissed himself.
Ah! Who the hell are you people?
Do you go
by the name Metal Mike?
The "influenza"?
What the f*ck? Are you
from like the Spanish Flu era?
It's the influencer.
I'm a neighborhood superstar!
He's all yours.
Okay, all right.
Listen up, Metal b*tch.
We're the people
you f*cked over.
I'm gonna need you to be
a little more specific.
What the f*ck?
Poor man's Danny McBride.
We want our money back!
- Good hit.
- Thank you.
Because of your
little pyramid scheme,
our friend Kurt's
in the hospital.
It's more
of a Ponzi scheme, dude.
Whatever, because
of your little scheme,
he's almost dead, m*therf*cker!
Nobody forced you
to invest your money!
Come here.
You guaranteed results, dipshit.
- Yeah!
- Yeah.
You win some,
you lose some, man.
Listen to me very carefully.
Sir, the final numbers
you requested.
Go get my car.
It's the most expensive one.
You'll know it.
Yes.
Sorry, sir,
but that's not my job.
Really?
Tell me something.
Do you love your mama?
Yes.
Like a lot?
Like she's
the whole world to you?
Yes.
When you go get my car,
if you scratch it,
I'm gonna in your mom.
And I'll make you join in.
- My mother's in a wheelchair.
- Speaking of walking,
I don't see somebody
walking to get my car.
Up, up, up, up.
Look, look, look, look.
I'm sorry, all right?
I make $250 a live stream.
I hate it.
Super aggro work environment.
I got into it to get laid,
and even now that's gotten old.
I was actually gonna skip town
and, you know, f*cking get
the f*ck outta here, all right?
You know what?
I'm done playing games with you!
Okay, we're done
playing games with you!
We want our money!
I like the intensity.
Just bring it down one level.
- Okay. Sorry.
- Shh.
Please, just tell me what to do.
Um, we were actually hoping
you would maybe tell us
what to do, right?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Like stocks,
checks, wire transfers.
- Yeah.
- There's gotta be a way
for you to get us
our money, right?
Yeah.
I'm just a flash,
the face of this all, all right?
I never saw a cent
of your money.
The guy calling the shot's name
is Jordan Alvarez.
He kept me drunk
on expensive bubbly,
a little cocaine, and used
my insanely good looks
and charisma
to influence the weak.
Every contest, every giveaway,
every m*therf*cking
money-makin' scheme.
It all comes from him
and it all goes to him.
Never did I realize
the biggest victims of all--
you guys.
But now do I realize
the biggest victim of all--
me.
- You m*therf*cker.
- Whoa, whoa, hey, hey.
- Carl!
- Hey, hey, we're cool, man.
Well, I say no more.
I know what we can do.
Come on, man.
What do you got?
Two words.
Dinero...
Tornado.
It's a weekly drawing
where one lucky Metal Head
gets to step into a plastic box
blindfolded for 60 seconds
for a chance to grab up--
Up to $1 million in cash.
g*dd*mn right!
You guys just give away
that kind of money?
That's part of the scam,
all right?
Sponsors, they pay
for everything.
We get the views.
We get the donations.
- We get the "Pa-trns."
- "Pay-trns."
Whatever.
The house always wins.
- And the next drawing...
- Is tomorrow!
This is a sign.
What are you talking about?
Look, we pivot.
We already got him.
He's our way inside.
Let's steal the giveaway money.
It's a million bucks in cash
and that fixes
everybody's problems.
Plus, a little bit extra for
pain and suffering on our part.
Okay, wait.
I just want what I lost.
- Come on!
- I don't want extra.
Come on, we don't want
to stoop to their level.
All right, fair enough.
This happens tomorrow?
- Out of the question.
- What?
Felipe, this is it.
This is our second chance.
And you never get those in life.
We did the work. We nabbed him.
Let's just use
the tool we got now.
We don't have enough time
for another operation.
He's right, dude.
What are you talking about?
We're a great team!
We crushed our first mission.
The truck, the alleyway,
the outfits.
All we gotta do is use the stuff
from the first mission
and just multiply it.
That's not how it works, at all.
Mike, you work
inside this place.
It's doable, right?
It's the only way
you guys get your money.
- I'm in.
- Yeah!
Woo hoo hoo!
This is my happy place.
Okay, wait. So, you really think
we can pull this off?
I'm not sure.
Keep it positive.
Come on, we're just cooking.
We're cooking in here.
We're cooking up a plan.
Mic check, mic check.
Anyway I can help
you guys out remotely?
I was hoping to Roman Polanski
this whole situation.
Oh, ah!
You're missing that flight.
Listen up, f*ck knob.
This is your chance
to make things right, okay?
Amends?
Last week you were
eating ice cream
with real gold sprinkles.
Guess what.
My Christmas bonus paid
for that f*cking sundae.
I was sh1tting gold bricks
for a week, y'all.
- You're an idiot.
- Yeah.
Oh, no. Oh, sh*t.
Listen to me, you little moron.
I want some guarantees
that that money is really there.
Ah, ah.
I would just hate if I just
show up and arrive there
and I find monopoly money.
I don't like monopoly.
I hate monopoly.
It's real.
I...
Ah! I would know. I'm the host.
I'm the host, okay?
The hostess with the mostest.
Well...
You're going to host.
One...
more...
time.
Your last time. Okay?
Yes, sir!
Please, I'll do it.
Don't f*ck it up.
Yeah.
I think we got it.
He agreed.
I'm sorry. I didn't hear.
He agreed.
I just didn't hear.
Gary, come on.
- Let me do my thing.
- Hey.
Shh. Shut the f*ck up.
I'm on my way, babe.
It's just been
one of those days.
I cannot wait
to get home to get some...
Again?
Honey, it's been
three nights in a row.
I guess he's our son's friend,
but doesn't little Timmy
have parents of his own
to mooch off of?
Well, I guess we need to teach
him how to be less popular
or open a restaurant,
'cause it's getting ridiculous.
Just tell Timmy that if there's
no pork chops left
when I get home, he's made
a f*cking enemy, okay?
Love you. Bye.
I think Timmy might
be getting seconds tonight.
Como estas, Felipe?
I trained you well.
Relax.
I need a favor.
Come on. We've done worse.
But never with civilians.
Don't you trust me?
Do I trust you?
Of course I trust you.
I just don't trust them.
I'll guide them.
Protect them.
Be straight with me.
Why are you doing this?
Yeah, you've trained me well.
It's my son.
Oh, g*dd*mn kids.
Weren't we warned about them?
Because it's
a f*cking liability to the job.
I owe you one.
Are you sure you
wanna use it on this?
It's important to me.
- What do you need?
- g*ns.
Lots of g*ns.
And some blueprints.
You got it.
Who's fired a g*n before?
Nice. Okay.
Ready?
Deep breath, sh**t straight.
- Hold the g*n firm, both hands.
- All right.
Whoa.
I said both hands. It's okay.
- Oh.
- It's okay.
The wind got me.
- Your turn, Gary.
- No problem.
Please listen, okay?
Both hands. Straight. Okay?
- Mm-hmm.
- All right.
Now, ready?
Oh. I forgot to take
the safety off.
Ah!
Geez!
Son, can I talk to you
for a second? Come here.
How...
This changes everything.
I can't let you all go in there.
It's over.
It's over
when we get our money back.
Someone's gonna get hurt.
You are gonna get hurt.
I couldn't live with that.
Hey. Hey.
- What?
- Can I say something?
Sure. Go right ahead.
First off,
you gotta get the safety
on that thing fixed, okay?
Second, it's been a rough...
Come here.
It's been a rough couple years
for all of us, right?
We just needed
that one special thing
to pop for us, you know?
Him and his acting, and you
wanted financial independence.
And me...
I really wanted my family
to finally be proud of me.
Well, it's...You already
have a big house, man.
It's easy for you. You own it.
I don't own jack sh*t.
I can't save anything.
I've done so much OT,
I'm starting to lose my hair.
Yeah, I've heard
that can happen.
Not to me personally, but that--
No, not the right moment.
I don't know about you guys,
but for me,
I'm willing
to risk it all, okay?
'Cause the worst thing
that happens, I die,
but my family gets to collect
on the life insurance.
Oh, wait. Insurance companies
don't pay out
if you die committing a crime.
- Yeah, that's right.
- Are you sure?
- It's true, yeah.
- Yeah!
Yep, I heard of that.
Well, you know what?
I'm not gonna die.
In fact, none of us
are gonna die, okay?
- Okay.
- That's right.
Yeah.
So, we're going either way.
With or without you.
Hopefully with you.
Aw!
Aw, my boys are all grown up.
Oh, sorry. Sorry.
Personal space. I get it.
Hey, Kurt.
Just seeing how you're doing.
I needed some alone time.
The nurse said it's good
if we talk to ya.
I actually need to talk
to somebody myself.
Because I'm about to do
something pretty stupid.
We're going down to that
sham company that screwed us.
We're gonna try to take 'em
for all they're worth.
We're gonna get our nut back,
I promise.
Am I interrupting a moment?
Katie, what are
you doing here?
Well...
I saw you come to the house.
You looked extra shitty,
by the way.
Okay.
Just kidding.
I tracked you on our app
and saw you were
at the hospital.
I got worried.
Are you okay?
Yeah. Just worried.
I got that stress thing,
you know, on my neck.
It's been bugging me.
How is Kurt doing?
Is he gonna be okay?
He's in a coma,
but they're still hopeful.
You look good.
Thanks.
How's Alex?
He misses you,
but he's doing okay.
I miss him.
Gary, what are you up to?
I know that look.
I'm just doing everything I can
to get my family back.
Ah, dios mo!
Okay, and how do you plan
on doing that?
Just leave it to me.
All right.
Then do whatever it is
you have to do.
Mr. Man.
I said...
do what you have to do.
Then we'll talk.
Okay.
Uh...
I have to go do something.
Okay.
Do you mind sitting
with Kurt for a bit?
Sure. No problem.
Good to see you.
Gary.
Whatever it is
you're planning on doing,
please be careful, okay?
I will.
Okay.
Fellas.
We're gonna leave it here.
As alibis.
- Smart.
- Go ahead.
All right, folks. I'm gonna keep
it 100 with y'all, all right?
Completely transparent.
This place,
it runs like a clock.
The same sh*t every day,
same smell.
When we enter, right,
you pass the soundstage
and you go up the stairs.
Once you go down the hall,
that doorway right there,
it's to the vault.
Two guards. Big boys.
Just two?
Piece of cake.
Hey, it's not that easy, man.
These guards,
they're packing heat.
Pew, pew.
But the rest of the guards,
they only carry mace.
So, we intercept the cash
before it gets
to the Dinero Tornado?
Yeah, about that.
The cash in the Dinero Tornado
is fake.
- What?
- Yeah.
The contestant
in the Dinero Tornado
is only an actor.
He's not even a real contestant.
He makes $150 a day.
That's more than I make
for Barry the Bear.
But listen, no, no, listen.
The money is real, though.
It's sent over every week
by a sponsor.
Consider it like,
um, an ad spend.
Except it never happens.
Jordan pays us with that money,
and he keeps all the rest.
Look, we're not just getting
our money back from this prick.
I say we find a way to make sure
this m*therf*cker
never does this
to anyone ever again.
- Yeah, agreed.
- I'm in.
All right, listen.
This mission is life and death.
Okay? You.
Don't f*ck it up.
Trust me, big bro.
Only two of them have g*ns.
Gary.
Okay, um...
How are you feeling?
Ooh.
Whoa.
Do you think
I'm gonna die tomorrow?
No, Gary.
- I don't know.
- You're okay.
- Yeah?
- You're fine.
- Yeah?
- Yes.
I got nothing to lose?
You have everything to lose.
- What?
- Eh, well...
The world needs dreamers.
Dreamers?
Yeah. Risk takers.
They're the first ones
to go into battle.
They usually die first,
but they do inspire
the rest of the clan.
Ooh! You're terrible
at pep talks.
Well...
I got a wife and kid. I...
Gary, you know...
Oh.
I'm...
What I'm trying to say is--Wait.
Mm-hmm.
If anyone has taught me
anything, it was you.
This mission goes against
all my better instincts.
But I guess it's a good thing.
Change.
All right.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Sir, thank you.
Maybe after tomorrow you
can have a talk with your son.
Yeah.
Maybe you can too.
I mean, not with my son.
Yours. Yeah.
Okay, so, we came up
with a good plan.
So, I'm an actor.
I'll pretend I'm like the CEO
and I'll be like,
- "Hey, everybody, give me--"
- Wait, wait, wait.
You follow my lead.
I'll tell you
what needs to be done, okay?
You f*ck it up,
you know what happens to you.
Sir, don't worry.
We won't let you down.
All right. This is
what we're gonna do, okay?
Okay.
What crypto fairy dust bullshit
are we pushing today?
Something called
coin.
I like it.
Tell the monkeys to really
push today, dig deep.
Oh, my gosh. Hi, guys.
No way, everyone.
Breaking crypto update.
Oh, my God.
A brand-new crypto coin
that y'all gotta get.
Okay, quick,
like that again.
You see how dumb Metal Mike
looks from that angle.
But before we go
to the Dinero Tornado,
check out these
super satisfied customers.
Listen up, everyone.
We record in six minutes.
Very sharp, very professional.
Six minutes.
10-1, b*tches.
Where the f*ck is he going?
Ugh. Really?
- All right, come on.
- Let's do this!
Jesus, you look
like Sherman Klump.
Genius, right?
Makes me look like a big guy
instead of just a small guy.
Gary! Where's the server?
You go down the hall.
You turn right.
Hug the wall, though,
and the cameras won't see you.
The door's locked, though.
Leave that to me.
He's like James Bond.
Let's go, let's go, let's go!
No respect.
We'll see about that now.
You can do this.
Yeah.
You can do this.
You're Metal f*ck' Mike!
What the f*ck are you doing?
Hi, Jordan.
Listen, I went
to a rave last night
and I had half
a bottle of Viagra.
I thought it was Ecstasy.
It turned
into a laxative for me.
I-I just can't stop
sh1tting my pants.
We have a show, Mikey.
And there's a restroom
on this floor.
I have this thing, all right,
about people hearing me sh*t.
When I have diarrhea,
I can't stop going.
And the crew, they come in there
and they just f*cking mock me
all day on set all the time.
- You see that?
- Yeah. Yes, sir.
- Go ahead.
- Okay.
Now, put it...
- Yeah. There we go.
- Okay.
- There we go.
- Yeah.
And now you're ready
to be Metal Mike.
Ooo!
Yeah, we're happy now, right?
Yeah, you're ready
to make the money.
Oh, now, I want you
to have a...good show.
Okay.
- A good show.
- Okay.
Because if you don't,
I will f*ck' k*ll you.
- You understand?
- Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
- Ah!
- Give me that!
Good show, baby!
Go ahead.
Gary, time me. I'm going
for a new personal best.
Ready. Go.
Get out of the way.
How are we looking?
It's still on.
We are live in five,
four,
three...
Metal heads!
Who's ready to take my money?
We've got thousands.
We've got millions.
And today, guess what.
It is the Dinero Tornado!
Whoo!
It's still on.
How about now?
It's down.
It's down! It's down!
All right, Metal Heads.
It's now the time of our show
where we announce
tonight's winner
for the Dinero Tornado.
Tonight's lucky contestant
and winner
for the Dinero Tornado
is David Ames
from Brooklyn, New York!
- Come on up, David.
- Oh, yes!
- Welcome, buddy. Welcome.
- Thank you. Thank you.
Who the f*ck is that?
The sheet says
"Phyllis Langley," sir.
I wrote it myself.
- Um, sir.
- Not now!
It's just, um--We just
lost surveillance. All of it.
Mikey!
I don't know what you're up to,
but you need to remember
I own you.
Whatever you're doing,
I will drop-kick your a*s
back to the mini mall
where I found you
selling women's shoes.
Do you hear me, m*therf*cker?
No one gets in between
me and my money.
Did he just turn me off?
Did he just take
his earpiece out?
All right, David.
Hop inside the Dinero Tornado
and get stinkin' filthy rich
like your dog, your boy,
Metal Mike!
Hoo hoo!
I can't believe this is
happening to me, right now.
- And I so badly need this.
- Hmm.
Why is that, brother?
Tell your fellow Metal Heads
your story.
Well, you see, my friends
and I recently fell victims
to an online vicious scammer.
In return
for a small investment,
we were promised
our wildest dreams.
- Mm-mmm.
- But it was all a scam.
I'm gonna f*cking k*ll you!
Come on!
Ladies, ladies,
please let's fix this
before he f*ck me and my mom.
But now I'm gonna
get some of it back.
Thank you, Metal Mike.
Don't thank me.
Thank our sponsors
for tonight's Dinero Tornado!
Orbalax!
Sir, we are already live.
What's the worst
that he can do?
The real money's upstairs.
D-Team, come in.
Tell me you have eyes
on my money.
All quiet up here, sir.
All the money's here.
D-Team,
I'm sending backup,
but no one enters
that room except me.
We'll stay alert.
Now's our shot.
We've gotta move like the wind.
- I can't move quickly in this.
- Vmonos, cabrn.
- Get the keys.
- Oh. Um...
g*dd*mn it.
Which one?
What do you want me to do?
Two more guys are coming
turning up the stairs.
- We're going to fight them.
- Wait. No, no. Is that new?
- Are you ready, Gary?
- No, sir, definitely not.
Time to drop some ba*ls, Gary.
- All right, all right.
- Okay.
Ah. Ah!
Yeah!
Yeah.
Oh, sh*t. Oh, sh*t.
Time to hop
into the Dinero Tornado
and get rich like your boy!
Remember,
all the money the contestant
will grab he gets to take home.
Part of the Dinero Tornado.
Woo hoo hoo!
Hit him like this.
- Ah!
- Ah!
- Come on, Pati!
- We're in. We're in.
Come on.
- Kick it.
- Whoa.
sh*t.
Pati.
Holy sh*t.
Okay, remember.
We only take what we're owed.
- f*ck, yeah. First try.
- Good job.
E-Team, D-Team, check in.
Where the f*ck is my money?
This is E-Team.
All clear up here.
Rahelio, is my money secure?
Only Rahelio answer.
He's onto us. There's no time.
It's fine.
All the bags are full.
Excellent. You know what to do.
Are you sure?
I kinda sucked the other night.
Somebody might get hurt.
Gary, you did suck.
It's not loaded.
They don't know that.
Rahelio.
Rahelio, come back.
There is no Rahelio today.
Who are you
and what do you want?
I already got what I want--
your money.
Except it's not really
your money, is it?
You're in my house, puto.
Do you think you can get out
before I find you?
If I can't go around you,
I'll go right through you.
Challenge accepted.
All right, hands up!
Where we can see 'em.
Nobody move.
Wha--what do
you want from us?
We want you to keep
the feed going.
- Yeah, yeah.
- We were planning on it.
Well, then it shouldn't be
too hard, should it? Should it?
- Easy, easy.
- Okay, okay.
- Yeah, just do that.
- Okay.
No, no, no. No talking. No, no.
No, yeah, headphones off.
Off! Now! Now!
Hey, wait, wait. Stop.
Stop the tornado.
Stop it right this minute.
Ha ha.
Okay, now switch every
live stream to Metal Mike, now!
That means everyone!
This money is...
It's--It's fake.
It says "for your
motion picture use only."
The money is fake, everybody!
What's the deal, Metal Mike?
Ah, Jean-Claude Van Damme,
here we go.
You almost made it out.
- I wasn't running.
- Hmm.
I'll fight you for your money.
You know the best thing
about having
so much f*cking money?
You pay people to fight for you.
Trust me, big bro.
Only two of them have g*ns.
Round one. Fight!
Um, dude,
you may wanna get up here.
We have a bit
of an urgent situation
on the Metal Mike stream.
Do I have to do everything?
Ah!
David's right.
The money is fake.
In fact, David himself is fake.
His real name is Carl.
Actually, no.
My name is Carlos.
I brought Carlos here today
to confess something.
The Dinero Tornado is a scam.
In fact,
this whole network's a scam.
That dope coin
you're buying at home,
the only person getting rich
off of it is this company.
The company that created it.
We have to quit the feed.
This is going to ruin us.
Let's go.
All right, I've never
tied anybody up before.
Let's go.
Why isn't anyone
listening to me?
Jordan, we are live.
We are very, very live.
Control room, cut the feed.
Control room!
Hm, must be a bad connection.
Okay, control room, big
baddies heading your way.
I'm a fraud as well.
Bought and paid for.
Even my earring's fake.
I'm proud of you, Mike.
Actually, it's Morty.
You hear that, folks?
His name is Morty.
He's an imperfect man.
I am an imperfect man.
But not as bad as Morty.
I mean, his name's Morty.
Okay, okay, that's enough.
I mean, I never heard
anybody named Morty.
But I suspect you're
all imperfect there too.
And that's okay.
But you know
what's not all right?
Is what this company is doing.
Preying on starry-eyed viewers
who are just trying
to chase their dreams.
Well...
that ends today.
I give you radios...
We need to cut the feed.
There we go. Cut feed.
Why isn't the feed cutting?
Oh, and one last thing.
For any of you sponsors
who are watching,
you're probably wondering where
all of your millions of dollars
have been going.
The answer--
right into the pockets
of the owner of this company.
His name
is Jordan Pablo Alvarez.
- I'm gonna go get the car.
- Okay. I'll chill here.
I don't understand you.
Hold on.
Ah!
The cameras
are on their own Wi-Fi.
There's nothing we can do!
And that concludes
tonight's broadcast.
Carlos and Metal Morty
over and out.
- Wait!
- We return you now
to your
regularly scheduled program.
I own your a*s, papa.
Get the f*ck off, mother...
Give me...the money.
Sergeant Simmons,
what's your 20?
There's no money in the bags.
f*ck!
Okay, Mikey.
Let's play.
Where the hell
is my assistant?
- Everything good here?
- Smooth as ice. You?
I had fun.
Where is
my f*cking money?
- Arriba.
- Hey, we gotta go, compadre.
Wait. You guys go.
I'm gonna stay.
I am sick and tired
of being this guy's b*tch.
Hey, thank you,
for all of this.
Thank you, amigo.
Hey, guys. Hey, hey.
Sorry I'm late. Uh...
So, there's like a crazy-a*s guy
with a g*n heading this way.
Oh, sh*t.
Look whose ba*ls just dropped.
I don't get paid enough
for this sh*t.
Get out of my way.
What are you gonna do, Jordan,
sh**t me?
There's cameras everywhere.
Ah, you're going
to go viral then.
Ah!
Oh, no! You've been shot!
You're okay! You're okay!
Did I look cool, though?
It's okay.
You look so cool, honey.
Don't look at it.
Don't look at it.
You couldn't get
a faster getaway car?
It's a rental.
Where is everyone?
- Move. We gotta go.
- Okay.
Hang on. I got this.
It was at that moment
Gary knew he had f*cked up.
Oh, no b*ll*ts!
- No b*ll*ts!
- Oh, sh*t!
Okay, okay,
I'm going, going now.
Senorita Pati,
move to the passenger seat.
- What?
- Move!
- Hurry up!
- Go, go, go!
- Thank you.
- Go!
- Come on!
- No, no! Gear!
Drive!
Trying to rob me
in a m*therf*cking minivan?
Oh, here we go.
We've got company.
I see you, pendejas.
No matter what,
don't get in the way.
Copy.
What are you doing?
Do you even have enough b*ll*ts?
I only need one.
Come on.
Come here.
Come on.
Let's dance,
you son of a b*tch.
Oh, my God! Kurt!
Everybody okay?
- Yeah.
- Who the hell is this guy?
- A very brave friend.
- Are you okay?
I can't believe they let you
out of the hospital.
They didn't. I came out.
This is my last f*ck' party
and I couldn't miss it.
Okay. Well, we should probably
get you back to the hospital.
Just watch out for me, puta.
I am f*cking it.
- That's great.
- Come on, come on.
Well done, Kurt. Well done.
Come on, Kurt.
Let's get you in the car.
Careful, careful.
Slow down. Okay.
g*n.
Whoa.
Sorry.
Not bad, Gary.
Thank you, sir.
I'll be gone
for a couple of days.
- You're in charge now.
- Ah, ah, ah!
The rental is in my name.
I'll be driving, thank you.
Let's go.
Hang on. I'll get your cut.
I didn't do it for the money.
Come on, Dad.
No. I gotta take care
of this business.
This is what I do, Son.
Trust me.
f*ck, he's leaving you again?
- Let's go.
- Let's go.
I think I'm gonna walk home.
I'll catch up later.
Don't rush. Don't f*cking rush.
Pop the trunk.
Okay, I'm popping.
I'm popping.
Police! Freeze!
The cops are here.
Officer, Agent Fuscas, PRX.
I've been working undercover
for months
to blow open this hornet's nest
of company fraud and debauchery.
Lock up that man.
I'll have my Washington people
send over the paperwork.
Wait, wait, wait. Slow down.
Who do you work for?
PRX.
P...
Well, what's PRX?
You don't wanna know.
The police found nothing.
No evidence of us being involved
in any wrongdoing.
Something happened
to the cameras.
Hmm.
Jordan got rich
exploiting the weak.
Now his future
is riddled with bankruptcies,
class action lawsuits,
RICO violations,
and felony charges.
Who the f*ck hit me
with a f*cking ambulance?
Who's the sucker now?
Pati was finally able
to get her own home.
Her dream home.
Now she only has to work one job
and take care of one child.
Unbelievably,
Kurt wrote a bestselling book
about our caper.
His version has
a lot more women, intrigue,
and midday naps.
He says Henry Cavill
is interested in playing him.
Felipe and Carlos
began working
on rebuilding
their relationship.
They decided to document it.
They have a YouTube channel now.
Oh, whoa, whoa!
Carlos runs the page
and edits it.
Felipe gives the lessons.
Hey, what's up, guys?
My name's Carlos
and this is my dad, Felipe,
and we're about
to sh**t some sh*t
right in the wilderness.
Me?
I just needed to cross
some T's and dot some I's.
Don't tell anyone.
We might have taken
a little extra.
Good to see you, Son.
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Unexpecteds, The (2024)
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