01x08 - Maggots

[bunniefuu]

(gasps)

No.

(fast-paced piano playing)

Hello.

Hello.

Okay, I'm worried you aren't
in love with me anymore

and I am afraid
to bring it up

because maybe you'll
admit that you aren't

or you'll think
I'm being paranoid

which then might make
my concern

a self-fulfilling
prophecy.

You're being paranoid.

Your eyes look at me
dead sometimes.

That is so unfair.
My eyes sparkle!

Don't you think, like,

now might be a good time
to tell me you love me though?

Now?

Do I need to?

No one needs to,

I just thought
you might want to.

Like, I'd inspire
a compulsion in you to say it.

I thought it was obvious
'cause I'm, like, here.

No, lots of people in the world
are laying in bed right now

with someone
they don't love.

(sighs)

(dramatic piano music playing)

This music is making me
seem more insane than I am.

Matilda,
use the keyboard!

Sorry!

?

Tellulah: I've been
meaning to tell you something.

What?

I've been
texting Leonard.

Is that bad?

Oh, no, it's bad.

Are you still
in love with him?

I'm absolutely
not in love with him.

Do you want me to stop?
I can stop.

I am not in love with him!

I hate him,
he's a villain.

Ah, but love and hate
are two sides of the same coin.

I just, I don't want
my friend dating a bully.

A bully? What, are we
eight years old?

I just think we should be
trying to date nice boys.

You are so obsessed with him
it's not even funny, b*tch.

Should we see
if he'll send us a nude?

Is... Is that an option?

Boom! You wanna
see his junk so bad!

Oh, my God!

Of course I do.

Okay.

What...
What are you saying?

Leonard, I want to see

your throbbing member so bad.

Love, Genevieve.

-What?
-I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

It's from me.

(cell phone chimes)

He wants a pic
of my vag first.

He asked for that?

He's no fool.

Why do you have to go first?

Feminists go first.

Do I send it?

Are you crazy?

I don't know what to say.

-Do I take a photo?
-I'm not taking it.

-I don't know what to do.
-Don't.

Let's send someone else's.

There's so many variations,
just pick one.

Yeah, but, like,
which one?

A good vag*na,
I don't know.

A good va...
What's the criteria?

That one looks like
Judge Judy.

-No it doesn't.
-Okay, okay.

Um, this one has
a nice sense of symmetry

and I believe it for you.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, that's...
that one's the best one.

That's-that's
a good one.

Oh, my God.

Okay, I'm-I'm sending it to you.

(computer beeps)

-(cell phone chimes)
-Got it.

Sent it.

(cell phone chimes)

Here you go.

(softly):
Oh, my God.

That's his actual...

I can tell by his hand.

Hey, boyfriend.

(unenthusiastically):
Hey.

What?

(sighs)

I'm feeling down
after last night.

Still?

Well, you didn't really do much

to make me feel better.

Shh.

Hey, hey, hey.
Shush now.

Hey, hey.

(chuckles) Ow.

(kisses)

Are you gonna
be like this all day?

I was hoping maybe we could
go to the beach.

You hate the beach.

Yeah, when I say
the beach,

I mean, like,

somewhere where
I'm not in trouble.

You aren't in trouble.

-I'm not in trouble?
-You're not in trouble.

Why would I be?

Why would anybody
ever wanna put me in trouble?

I feel like you're not
taking me seriously.

I'm not taking you seriously!

Well, please do!

(grunts)

I'm in trouble. I'm in
palpable, palpable trouble.

You're not in trouble.

I'm not mad at you, okay?

I'm just feeling hurt.

You want me to go
onto the naughty corner?

Is that what you want?
Yeah, I'm gonna go.

I'm gonna be
in the naughty corner.

Turn around then.

(indistinct chatter)

Girls send pictures
all the time.

Uptown and downtown.

It's disgusting.

(whispering):
Tellulah and I sent that
exact vag*na last night.

That's your vag*na?

We got it off the Internet.

Leonard sent us his
and then we swapped photos.

You broke the law.

It's child p*rn*graphy.

We don't know how old
that vag*na is.

Leonard, though.

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

You could get jail time.

I mean, or at best,
fine/community service.

Mm-hmm. Yeah,
I'm deleting it right now.

Um, but before you do,
can I... see it?

It's so good.

Ha.

I would have
stopped you if I had been

invited to
the sleepover.

You're gonna have to
tell Tellulah what he's done.

She thinks
I'm in love with him.

She'll think
I'm up to something.

Barb: I'm just not ready

to show the whole school
my vag*na.

Not yet.

What? No, you don't
have to do that.

We'll see.

All right, let's do this.
Let's get... Let's get serious.

How you doing?
How you doing, buddy?

What's wrong, buddy?

Okay, last night
I wanted you to tell me

that you love me,
and you didn't.

And I don't understand why

you didn't wanna
make me to feel better?

All right.
Well, it's just...

Wait, do you
want the truth

or do you want me to say
cute distracting things
so we can move on?

No, you always do that.

I want you
to tell me the truth.

Okay, I'll tell you
the truth.

(cell phone ringing)

Ah!

Who could that be?

Hello?

Hello, it's Matilda's
teacher, Sam.

Hi! Hello.

Sam (over phone):
I heard about Juilliard

and want to bask
in the glory with you.

Yeah, it's great.

It's great.

She's gonna put me
in trouble as well.

Everybody just wants
to put me in trouble.

...any questions
I can answer for you?

Questions? Was I meant
to have questions?

No, I don't have
any questions.

Have you decided to,
in fact, enroll?

Nicholas (over phone):
Yes, of course.

Okay, so, um,
do we need to make a plan,

or do you already have one?

Nicholas:
Yeah, I have a plan.

I have heaps of plans.
I have so many plans.

I just wanna make sure
we aren't underestimating

what we're up against here.

Me, too.

Okay, I gotta go now
I'm afraid.

Nicholas: Okay, thanks.

Thanks, Sam.

-Wait, are you still here?
-Sam: Yeah.

I never hang up first,
as a therapeutic tool.

Nicholas: Oh. Oh, okay.

Well, I'm going to hang up.

-Sam: You're held
until you do.
-Okay.

(cell phone beeps)

-All right, you, you.
-Me?

-Yes.
-Mm-hmm.

So, I was all cozy,

and then you came in
with all this hassle,

and it was annoying,

and I find it hard to say

I love you
when I don't mean it.

Okay, wow.

I guess I didn't want
the truth at all then.

What, sometimes I don't feel it
so then I don't say it.

There are times
when you don't love me?

Yeah, that's normal,
isn't it?

I don't think so.

No, I think that's...

I think that's normal.

I do. I just think
other people are better

at lying about it
than me.

Well, aren't there times
when you don't love me?

No.

Well, I think
that's odd.

?

Are you guys going
to the show's after party?

-Drea (over radio): No.
-No.

They never invite
the tech crew.

Without us they'd be performing
in the dark with no sound.

(chuckles)

You guys wanna
come over to my house?

-Yeah.
-Jeremy (over radio): Yeah.

Jeremy, I think Drea
has a crush on me.

Jeremy: Drea isn't q*eer.

Is she? Are you?

I don't wanna answer.

(Matilda giggles)

You guys know
I'm sex-positive, right?

Yeah.

I've been thinking
about college

and how basically

we're never gonna
see each other again.

I-I didn't apply
for college.

My parents
don't think I'm ready.

You wanna
fool around together?

Whoa. Random.

In the controlled environment
of my bedroom.

Sounds like
a lot of... touching.

Yeah, touching.
Nudity, if you want.

Jeremy: Uh, I don't know.

Do I ask my mom?

She-she'll wanna
know everything.

So we go to your bedroom
and then what?

How does it start?

I'll tell you when it starts.

I wanted to ask that, too.

Uh, I don't even know
how it starts.

I'll just say, "I'm starting."

-I'm in.
-I'm in.

I just want my boyfriend
to love me all the time.

I do!

But you think
I'm annoying.

Sometimes.

I can't control what I think.

-(scoffs)
-Ugh!

I wish I just lied to you,

and we lived a lie
where you're never annoying.

I manage to love you
all the time.

Do you? 'Cause it
doesn't feel like it

when I look at you
looking at me like that.

It feels like actually
you're highly critical of me.

Do you even love me?

I love you.

I just wish you weren't

an open sink hole of need.

(cell phone ringing)

(chuckles)

One moment. Sorry.

-Oh, hey, honey.
-Genevieve (over phone): Hi.

Um, so, this-- this
thing happened.

Oh, no, not another thing.

I'm in a thing with Alex
at the moment.

He's glaring at me.

This big, big glaring.

I don't have anyone else to ask.

Not that you would want
anyone else, though,

because you've got me.

Leonard asked Tellulah
for a vag*na pic.

Whoa, we're here already?

Looks like it.

I've never even
sent a nude pic.

-Never?
-No, it doesn't
photograph well.

I turn up with it, though,
and then I show it.

Genevieve: Focus!

We sent a fake one.

Cunning.

And Leonard passed it around
the whole school.

Not a shocking twist.

Genevieve: Do I tell her
what he's done?

She'll think
I'm happy about it.

Why will she think
you're happy about it?

I used to like him.

Who the hell is this Casanova?

Hello?

I don't know what to do.

I don't know, you've got
more information than I do.

I think I should tell her
what he's done.

That's sounds very sound.

Do that.

-Thanks.
-Nicholas: Bye.

Kids these days.

Huh?

All right, okay,
where were we?

Uh, "open sinkhole of need."

Probably a bit much.

Of course.
I'm an open sinkhole of need.

You did this to me.

-I used to be fun!
-Oh, come on.

When I did just
one little thing in Mexico

that you didn't like,
you packed your bags.

You threw
raw fish on me.

And it annoyed you
and you wanted to leave me.

It's normal.

I'm really sorry
if I hurt you.

No, I really wasn't, um...

I really wasn't
bothered by it,

I just wanted
some ammunition.

I wish I could figure out
how to stop loving you

so I could
just be free.

-(cell phone ringing)
-Sorry. One moment.

-No, please take it.
-Yeah?

Oh.
Hello. Hey, babe.

Remember we decided
I could have sex
if I asked you first?

I feel a little
taken out of context.

You said I could be
sex-positive.

That is a different thing,
but go on.

Can Jeremy and Drea
come over for a threesome?

Um...

Here?
Like, over here?

They're waiting.

Nicholas:
Drea I saw coming,
but Jeremy?

They're both autistic.

Nicholas:
Okay. Well, that...

that doesn't
matter to me.

But...

(sighs)

Yeah, I can't think
of a reason why not.

Well, think harder.

Great. Will you
tidy up my room?

What, now I have
to do cleaning?

Everyone's having fun,

and I'm just stuck here
with you.

What? I was just joking.

Stop it. I'm... funny.

Why won't you
just think that I'm funny?

Because it's not fun-n-ny!

It's mean!

Why won't you
just love me again

so that I can
love you again?

Ugh!

Okay. Fine.

Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.

In summary, not everything's
gonna be perfect all the time,

and that's okay.

Kiss?

-Fine.
-Yeah.

So are we
hosting this thing?

Ugh.

Can't they just do it
behind a shed like I had to?

You never did that.

No, of course not.

Every time it's like
entering the cave of wonders.

Oh, brother. No.

Ugh.

(exclaims)

Maybe Matilda
isn't prepared for college.

Hmm.

Look at you over there
cleaning up my sister's mold.

Maybe I just should
have been better.

-Yes!
-Yeah.

(both laugh)

Do you wanna move in?

What?

Do you wanna move in?

Where's this coming from?

Um, I don't know.

I was trying to...
I was trying to figure out

a way to make you like me again

and that's what
I came up with.

Well, how long have you
been thinking about this?

Just now.

Well, people
think about things.

You know,
contemplate them.

And are thoughtful.

Not this guy, though.

I'm spontaneous.

You're insane!

You have two children
living in this house.

You can't just invite me
to move in.

-Yeah.
-It's erratic!

We have something
we need to tell you.

Is it that you guys
are dumb b*tches?

Because I already
got that memo.

When you say
things like that,

who is it for?
Is it for us?

Seriously.

I heard about yours
and Genevieve's sleepover.

And I'm not
mad about it,

but I am concerned.

Leonard has taken a poor
innocent woman's vag*na photo,

and spread it around the school
thinking it was yours.

I'm sorry, babe.

Well, it was
a very beautiful vag*na.

Very symmetrical.

(sighs)

You coming?

Wh-where?

To find Leonard.

There he is.

I need you guys
for moral support.

What are you
gonna do?

-I'm asking him out.
-What?

Still?

Can you just
explain to me

what he would have to do
for you to stop liking him?

I mean, how evil is he
allowed to be?

You want some advice?

-I don't know.
-She's just gonna say it.

Crushes are over,
ladies, okay?

And sex is coming.

And I'm gonna do it with
the bad guy with the good face,

because I'm a highly
visual person.

I'm wanna look back
on my high school years

and be so proud
that I did it

with all the hottest guys
in school.

More than one?

-There's more than one, Barb.
-You know why?

We have
the rest of our lives

to settle for someone chubby
with a nice job

who respects us.

I am not prepared
to compromise on hotness now.

Barb: There she goes.

Chasing tail.

Hey.

What's up?

You wanna chill?

Yeah. Yeah, cool.

What's gonna
happen to her?

Everything.

Oh, my God, Duke,
my long lost love.

Hello.
Hello, my friend.

Well, we've got
stuff to do, so...

Yes, you do.
Yeah. Okay.

Hello, Drea.
Hello, Jeremy.

No one
ate my soup.

What is going on
in there?

It's very...
I just feel very...

-Alex: Hmm.
-Hello.

Can Duke stay in the kitchen
an hour or two?

-Depending...
-Yes. Yes, of course, he can.

Hey, Duke.
Hey, buddy.

Ready to roll.

Okay, Jeremy,
take off your shirt.

Jeremy: I got, like...

It-it felt too...

I got embarrassed.

That's fine.
Should I take mine off?

Not yet.

Well, what are we
doing first?

-Oral.
-Jeremy: Oral?

Haven't even showered.

What if we each say
what we wanna do?

Um...

I don't want to.

You don't have my consent.

I hope that's cool.

Um, I wrote a list of things
I wanted to try.

In case you guys
wanna do it instead.

-Ice cubes, hot wax, biting.
-(door closes)

He's such a loser.

(smooching)

Alex: Ah, yeah, sexy.

(chuckling)

Okay.

Okay.

Just to be clear,
I, like,

really don't want
you to move in.

I just, I wasn't thinking.

Yeah, I don't
want to either.

No one wants to.

Matilda: Okay.

Let's do this.

Mm-hmm. Okay.

Um, the-the thing is...

I'm hypo-sensitive
to touch,

which you might think
means I don't feel things

but actually I do,
just very faintly.

It's like a tickle
and it isn't that nice.

Okay.

So you have to
grab me firmly.

Um, can I grab you
to demonstrate?

Mm-hmm.

You try.

Okay.

-Can-can you grab me harder?
-Okay.

Harder.

That's awesome.

Okay, now do it to me.

Now this.

Hi, Jeremy.

-Hey.
-Oh, no.

J... Jeremy is
in the hallway?

Like he froze.

(chuckling)

Hey, buddy,
you want some soup?

-Yeah.
-Yeah!

You want some soup.
Come on.

Thank you.

Good soup.

(laughing)

Yeah?

?

Genevieve:
This is my apology.

From the back row.

Can you hear me?

This is my apology.

I took too long.

And the mold came.

And the sun fell.

I'm moondust.

I'm aftertaste.

This is my apology.

For a slow-motion pace.

Well, we did it.

It took three geniuses
and 16 years,

but we finally got our first
call to the principal's office.

Mm.

Being here
really brings back memories.

I almost feel
like that class-skipping,

whippet-doing 16-year-old again.

Yeah. Now you're
just the work-skipping,

whippet-doing mom
of a boy who gets bullied.

(chuckles softly)
Honestly, I'm surprised

it took Marc this long
to get picked on.

I mean,
he's a weird, gifted kid

in an Atlantic City
public school.

I wonder
what finally did him in?

Oh. Could have been
a hundred things.

I mean, he says,
"Good morrow."

He's a vocal advocate
for thyroid health.

He runs like his arms are trying
to get away from his torso.

Yes. Yes.

Mr. and Mrs. Bennett?

Oh, my God.
Sweetie, are you okay?

Who did this to you?
Just give me a name.

Kids fall off the jungle gym
all the time.

No, I think
you both misunderstood.

Marc wasn't the victim.
He was the bully.

No. No, that can't be right.

I mean,
Marc couldn't hurt anybody.

Last night, he got trapped
under his weighted blanket.

Technically,
it was just a top sheet.

Marc didn't use his fists.

He has a way of making people
who aren't as bright as him

feel inferior.

Sweetie, you can't make fun
of other kids

because they're not
as smart as you.

Actually,
the victim wasn't a student.

You didn't tell me
he was going to be here.

-Marc bullied his teacher?
-No.

I simply correct him
when he is wrong.

Which is all the time.

(sighs)
He has repeatedly undermined me.

I've lost the respect
of the whole class.

You lost that yourself when
you said you went to Dartmouth.

It's an Ivy!

Sweetie, you can't treat
your teacher like this.

You have to apologize.

All I did was tell the truth.

Apologizing would be lying.

Connie, you promised
you'd make him stop.

Connie can't help you now.

? ?

I can't believe
Marc bullied his teacher.

Brains and cruelty?

I may have finally found
a running mate.

I talked to him about it;
he wasn't trying to be a bully.

I think he's just acting out
because he's bored

and not being challenged
at school.

You know, you guys acted out,
too, but in different ways.

Like when you grew human ears
on the backs of mice

so you could "play God."

Funny story,
most of those mice went insane.

This is a problem.

I don't know how we can keep
sending Marc to that school.

So, send him to ours.

They'll accept anyone
related to me sight unseen.

We can't afford a third kid
in private school.

Money doesn't just grow on the
backs of mice like ears, Nicole.

If he's bored, can't you just
skip him a few grades

so he'll be more challenged?

Oh, he is not emotionally
mature enough for that.

And how's he gonna
reach the urinals?

I guess he could stand back
and arc it.

What about sending Marc
to Marlboro Charter?

They have a gifted program.

Jason Berger went there
after our school kicked him out

for using the robotics lab
to build a girlfriend.

Oh, we have dinner with them
on the 24th

to celebrate their anniversary.

What's Marlboro Charter?
Sounds expensive.

No, it's free.

It's like a public school
with a specialized...

He stopped listening
after "free."

I stopped listening after
you said you have a dinner date

with a pervert
and his robot girlfriend.

From what he says,
she's the pervert.

And we think Marlboro Charter's
gifted program

would be perfect for Marc.

He wrote his first concerto
when he was four

and then self-published
a magazine

that gave it a rave review.

Well, it's quite impressive.

And while my little
academic sandbox

is open to all qualified
children in the district,

I'm concerned about
Marc's history of bullying.

I understand.

But that was just
a one-time thing.

The class is a little slow
for him,

so he's bored and acting out.

Interesting.
"He's bored and acting out."

Tell me, was that also
your excuse

back when you bullied me?

Uh... I'm sorry, when I...?

I could tell
you didn't recognize me.

Ventnor High,
we graduated together?

Oh, my God!
Yes, yes, of course.

Dr. Walker. How are you?

You were the architect

of the most humiliating moment
of my life.

Well, how have you been
since then?

I can't believe Marc's bullying
was a one-time thing.

The apple rarely falls
far from the tree.

Are you kidding me?

That apple fell so far
from the tree,

I wouldn't believe
it's our apple

if I didn't see the tree
push it out with my own eyes.

Marlboro appreciates
your interest.

I'll pass Marc's application
on to my colleague.

Well, thank you both
for your time.

Well, there goes any shot
of getting into Marlboro.

That guy really hates you.

I mean, that shredder
was brand-new.

I feel like he bought it
just for that meeting.

I don't even know
what he was talking about.

I wasn't a bully in high school.

I played a few pranks.

I was voted class clown.

Sure, but clowns
aren't always funny.

I mean, the most popular ones
terrorize Gotham

or live in the sewer
and eat children.

Hey.

How did it go at the school?

Uh, great, buddy. Yeah.
We-we should hear soon.

I'm hopeful it works out.

Did you see that?

I've never seen him
that amped up about anything.

Yeah.

I know.
I got to fix things with Walker.

So we'll-we'll just call him
and apologize.

That's perfect.

Except for I have no idea
who he is or what I did to him.

I got to figure this out.

Someone has to remember him.

I don't remember him.

Wait. Was this the guy

you stapled into
the mascot outfit?

-No, that was John Norwood.
-Oh.

What about the dude
whose deodorant

you switched for spray glue?

Ryan Farley.

And how was I supposed to know
he sprayed deodorant down there?

Who does that?

-What?
-(scoffs) No one.

That's crazy.

Okay, okay... Oh! What was
the name of the flat-assed guy

you shoved into the locker
during homecoming?

Oh-oh-oh, oh.
Uh, uh, his name was Mike.

(clears throat)
Mike Bennett. She married him.

(chuckles)

You know, the more we talk
about all the stuff I did,

it sounds more mean than fun.

Was I just a bully
in high school?

No... no, babe.

You just-- you did some...

cruel things at the expense
of other people's confidence

in their white jean collection.

Wow, Mike.
You found the only thing

that a white guy
can't get away with.

So Walker was right.

I am the jerk tree,

and Marc is the apple
that didn't fall far from me.

Maybe you were a tree
on the jerky side,

but you're
a different person now.

Pancake-a*s is right.

Why don't you just show this
Walker guy that you changed.

Uh, invite him over
for dinner or something.

Yeah, or do what you did to us:

invite him over for beer
and pizza,

and then talk about stuff
he can't even contribute to

because he went to
a different high school, Kay!

All right, you know what?
Let's give it a try.

We'll roll out the red carpet.

Oh! Was Walker the guy
you rolled in that carpet?

MIKE:
No-no-no-no-no.

Uh, buh-buh-buh-buh, also me.

Walker just e-mailed back.

He is in for dinner tomorrow.

But he said his "girlfriend"
can't make it.

Weirdly, he's the one
who put "girlfriend" in quotes.

Great. Did he mention
any food allergies?

'Cause we throw a couple nuts
in his salad,

next thing you know,
we're saving his life

and he owes us.

-Ha!
-Oh. Hey, buddy.

What did we say about you
and lurking?

Don't get caught.

Maybe now's a good time
to talk to your apple.

Hey, sweetie.

Here. Sit.

You know,

I've been thinking
about all the stuff I did

when I was in school,
and you know what I realized?

It is never okay to bully.

-Well, actually...
-I hate when they start
sentences like that.

I recently read an article
that I wrote

that highlights
the sociopolitical benefits

of diminishing the weakest
among us.

From an evolutionary standpoint,
ineptitude should be ridiculed,

as to discourage that trait
from the species.

Does everything have to be
a nature documentary?

Just be kind to people,
even if they're dumber than you.

So, based on that premise,

I should be extra nice to Brian.