01x03 - Survival

[bunniefuu]

41, take 3.

Do I look a bit overdressed for this?

Maybe do it like the Robbie Williams doc,

and I could be in my pants inexplicably,

for the whole of this episode.

A lot of crotch shots and self-reflection.

Or Beckham-doc style.

Like, right up in front of the camera,

and you can just project

some archive onto my face.

We'll just do it regular.

One of the most primal instincts

all living creatures share

is that of survival.

To exist in this ever-changing,

often dangerous world,

and not cark it ahead of time

like this moron.

As parents, this survival instinct

extends beyond ourselves to our children.

The need to protect them

and wrap them up in cotton wool.

Oh, look at it. Oh!

But seriously,

what good is cotton wool gonna do

against climate change or a Russian nuke?

-Is she asleep?

-Yeah, she's just gone off.

Since little Elsie has come into my life,

I've been thinking a lot about protection.

Not that kind of protection.

Although, I've also thought

quite a lot about that

'cause now the idea of having two of them

f*ck that.

No, I meant protecting her in the event

of something unthinkable happening.

A nuclear apocalypse,

a climate change disaster, World w*r 3

And the more I've looked into it,

the more I've realized there is a whole,

fascinating subculture out there

of people genuinely preparing

to protect their families

in extreme end-of-world scenarios.

And I want to learn more.

Have you ever heard of survivalism?

No, what is that?

Survivalism is a social movement

of individuals or groups

who proactively prepare

for a global catastrophe.

So, I'm going to go

and meet some of these people.

-They're "Preppers," that's another word.

-Why are you going to meet?

If there was gonna be

a global catastrophe,

I wouldn't know what the f*ck to do now.

I mean, we'd probably be better off

baby-proofing the house,

at the moment, to protect Elsie.

Yeah, but ultimately,

what is the biggest threat to our baby?

Nuclear apocalypse?

-Yeah

-Or putting her finger in a plug?

Probably putting her finger

in a plug would be.

I beg to differ.

-You gonna protect Coco as well?

-I have to. Because that is our guard dog.

I said we need to get a guard dog

to protect us, and you got that.

Don't call her "that." Come on.

It's not a guard dog.

It's like a barking tea cozy.

And I just want to know,

if we do get invaded by the Russians,

one of them kicks down that door,

tries to steal my baby,

in one fell swoop, I'll be able

to snap his arm like a breadstick.

Can you chew

with your mouth closed, please?

-Is it actually that loud?

-Yes.

Maybe if the Russians did come,

you could eat in front of them.

That might scare them off.

Wow.

Was your father a good protector?

No, my dad was terrible

at all of this sh*t.

Like, the least outdoorsy person ever.

For me,

preparing for the end of the world

is probably making sure

you've got wine of all the right vintages

to cover you for as long as it takes.

Red, white, rosé ports.

Job done.

In my research,

I came across civilian combat classes

which specialize in

teaching parents how to tool up

and protect their families

from home intruders.

They were in America. I mean,

of course, they were in America.

Didn't even need to say that,

you already knew.

Keen to sharpen my combat skills,

I signed Daddy and myself up

for a session at a Prepper school in Utah.

But first, a peruse around

the school's survivalist store,

which was like a QAnon Waitrose.

This is my kind of place.

Definitely want to fire

one of these today.

So, that's a GL*CK. Nice piece, that.

He's like a child playing with his toys.

If he did have a g*n, he'd probably

sh**t it the wrong way around.

The aim of today is

to learn how to protect my family,

and I'm gonna be taught how to do that

by a guy called Mike Glover,

who is a former Green Beret and the head

instructor here at Fieldcraft Survival.

So we'll be doing a class today as well.

- A class?

- Yeah.

Of what?

Learning about self-defense,

hand-to-hand combat, how to fire a g*n.

Just useful life skills

that any parent should know.

Right.

Be prepared. That's the SAS motto.

That's the Boy Scouts' motto.

-Is it?

-Yes.

-No?

-Boy Scouts, Cubs.

Mm.

Maybe you should join the Cubs,

wear a little woggle.

-I don't want to join the Cubs.

-Yes.

I want to learn hand-to-hand combat

with a former Marine.

This course is gonna be focused

on maneuvering through your own home,

using speed, surprise,

and potentially violence of action

to rescue the ones that you love.

You're gonna likely make mistakes.

You're gonna screw it up.

But we'll fix you, course correct,

and make sure you end off

with all the training objectives achieved.

One of the major challenges

that I foresee for today

is that my instructor

is called Mike Glover,

which, if you say it really fast,

sounds like "my lover."

- And you're worried about that?

- I'm worried about how funny I find that.

And how unfunny he might find it.

- Yes, sir.

- Mike Glover. Situation.

Some drug-addled,

kiddy fiddler invades my home.

I've got to take him out

with a single shot.

Where do I unload the clip?

In between the eyes, temple, or testicles?

This course isn't

Um, we don't do that in this course.

One, you don't ever

want to sh**t one shot.

And two, you don't ever

want to deliberately aim for the groin.

Because you'll potentially

not put that bad guy down.

But we'll teach you

appropriately how to stitch the target

from sternum to the top of the head,

with five rounds, in a CQB scenario.

That's what I'm talking about.

Unload the whole clip.

Technically not what you're

talking about, but close.

I'm here to learn.

- Yeah.

- Thank you, Mike Glover.

If there's no questions,

we'll issue these UNIT Solutions firearms.

These are training weapons.

All right, guys, welcome to freedom.

This is a simulated g*n.

It fires an 8mm paint round,

and it can be on a closed or an open bolt.

For our first lesson, Mike

handed us over to his second-in-command,

a former police officer called Greg Lapin,

to show us just how delicately

he liked to handle his weapon.

-So, go ahead and grab it right here.

-It's quite heavy.

-We're gonna walk over here.

-It's a bit like carrying a baby.

- You were like that, Jackie.

- Shut up, Daddy.

We're gonna get our r*fle

up here in our armpit.

Then I'm gonna reach

back here to my charging handle,

and I'm gonna pull it hard and release it.

-That wasn't fear. That was just surprise.

-Reactions.

-Yeah, I get it.

-I've got very quick reactions.

Whoa!

You're a heartbreaker.

-That m*therf*cker is down.

-He might be dead.

-Definitely dead.

-You ready?

Insert your magazine, rack it and let go.

Let go. There you go.

Now, finger on the trigger.

Give me one round in the heart.

There we go.

- Did I hit it? No, I got him in the spine.

- Low. Finger off the trigger.

-Yeah. All good.

-Now you're gonna go in the head.

-Okay.

-Five rounds. Stand by.

-Okay.

-Go.

-Or the neck. Or the throat.

-The neck?

There you go.

Finger off the trigger. Weapon on safe.

I think I might have a bloodlust.

All right, so same thing,

go ahead and bring your r*fle up.

Ready?

Put this in your shoulder pocket.

Now try to bring your eye right here,

but I want you to aim on the target.

Make sure you're on the target.

There. Go ahead.

-Give me one.

-Down there?

-Oh no.

-There you go, give me another one.

And more.

And more, and more.

One round on target.

Imagine it's that Extinction Rebellion

protester that held up your Bentley.

Whoa!

There you go.

All right, finger off the trigger.

-Michael!

-Go ahead and pass me the r*fle.

-Where did that come from?

-There you go.

Like a geriatric Scarface.

Hi, guys. This is gonna be pretty dynamic.

Next up,

hand-to-hand combat training

where each student had to wrestle Greg,

a black belt in Brazilian jiu-jitsu.

Are you ready?

Stand by.

Go.

I mean, the wrestling

was quite something, wasn't it?

Twenty guys just queuing up

to get pinned by Greg.

You could literally cut

the h*m* tension

with one of their erections.

- Oh yeah.

- Oh sh*t.

-Oh, that sucks, huh?

-Oh no.

Get a room!

Maybe slip in a pinky.

Yeah, it was quite intimidating

watching Greg beat off those gentlemen.

Bout after bout after bout.

All right, so you're gonna go next.

But then I was like, if I go last, I stand

the best chance of defeating him

because he'll be exhausted

by the time he gets to me.

-So what happened, then?

-That's not quite how it panned out.

Okay.

Hit him in the goolies, Jack.

Oh God.

I think I gave a pretty good account

of myself in that combat demonstration.

Probably taught them a move or two.

You being serious?

Yeah.

Fifteen seconds.

Come on, Jack.

Try not to be a complete p*ssy.

- Okay, Michael.

- Who's got a ponytail holder?

No! Do not man bun me!

Daddy. Can you please help me?

Oh, now you're in trouble!

Right you, off. Off!

No, f*ck off!

Leave him alone.

You're a bully.

Right, you're okay now, Jackie.

-Daddy's sorted it out for you.

-All right.

For our final exercise,

my lover wanted us to combine

everything we had learned

in a home invasion scenario.

Here, this is loaded, topped off already.

So you're ready to go. Okay?

Okay, Mike Glover.

Working as a team

to take out several home invaders,

rescue someone playing my daughter,

and escape.

How many assailants in there?

-I don't know.

-One to 20.

-One to 20?

-Yes.

I take 'em all out? And rescue the child?

Yes. So, you're gonna

work as a team. Ready?

-Yeah.

-Go!

Oh, wait for your dad.

-What?

-Come over here.

-Move at the pace of the slowest man.

-Have you seen how slowly he moves?

-Yes.

-Okay.

Right, come, follow me.

Back up.

-Following up the rear, Mike?

-Yep.

Okay, Mike Glover.

Can you not point the g*n in my direction?

Okay, now go.

Right, what I've done there is

I've not taken the safety off.

We're gonna clear to the left,

then the rest of the room.

I'm gonna go in there,

and I'm gonna clear the room.

Tell him some of your jokes,

Jack, that'll clear the room.

Shush! Please.

Can you focus on the scenario?

Take that, piece of sh*t!

- Good.

- Okay. Back-to-back.

- That room?

- Boom! Target acquired.

Okay, go to her.

And let her link to your back.

Little girl! We've got to get out of here.

-Surreptitious. We're quiet.

-Sorry.

-Surreptitious.

-We got to get to the chopper.

- There's a target right there.

- Michael, take that one out.

g*n isn't working. Right, you b*stard.

- You f*cking b*stard!

- Michael!

- Daddy!

- What?

That's not how it works!

Come back, get back.

- Okay, follow me.

- Yeah.

Right.

Say hello to my little friend.

- That one is definitely dead.

- And you're probably out of a*mo.

Ah! There's a guy!

There's a man with a g*n!

- Where'd he go? I just spotted him.

- Yup, that's a real role player.

-Engage him if you see fit.

-Right. Don't you worry.

- Remember, have a girl attached

- Got a little girl Wait, no! Stay back.

Can't shut the door on him.

You have to engage him.

There was a real guy who came

at the end. You really took him out?

I really took him out. Yeah, that was

It was not my finest moment.

Here, kitty cat.

-Right there, get him!

-Boom! Boom! Boom!

Yippee-ki-yay, m*therf*cker!

You stay down!

-Yeah, he's dead.

-USA!

He's dead!

I just emptied a little extra

of the clip to make sure.

You can't do that.

That's not even allowed.

Did you have to keep sh**ting him?

I did not need to keep sh**ting him

when he was dead.

And index.

And, scene.

-No, it's index.

-What?

Admin now. You're index.

You have to wait till he's there.

Hey, well done.

Sorry, I'm used to improv classes.

-He was not much help, I would say.

-There was a lot of tension.

There was a lot of tension,

and not a lot of communication.

Well, that's 'cause you were out front

just thinking about yourself.

Definitely blew your load

all over the place.

You get dopamine

every time you pull the trigger.

You have to be very disciplined.

Don't know how many bad guys there are.

The minute I saw a guy

through the target of my g*n,

wanted to blow my load all over him.

Good job, man. We'll see you next time.

Class dismissed,

I couldn't wait to hit the locker room

with some of the alpha lads I bonded with.

See you later.

On fieldcraftsurvival.com,

we do a two-week jiu-jitsu academy.

Do you do an advanced class

for people that are, like, elite?

-Yeah, of course. Private lessons for you.

-Why don't you just teach?

I mean, I have thought about it.

f*cking love this.

So much testosterone

flying around right now.

Thanks, guys.

Training complete,

Mike invited us to see his lovely home,

his beautiful family,

and all of the hardcore survivalist sh*t

he's got prepped for the end of the world.

Welcome.

Thank you.

-This is my son, Benjamin. Say hi!

-Hey, Benjamin! High fives? Yeah.

Oh, Cece!

-Hey, Cece. Nice to meet you!

-Good, how are you?

-Who's this little one?

-This is little Leland.

-Leland.

-Almost three months old.

-Look at those cheeks!

-Hi, baby!

Oh, look at him.

I got a little girl, just one like this.

-It's a big responsibility.

-Oh my gosh.

It's huge. When you have kids,

it changes everything

because you got to recalibrate

your position in life 'cause you're like

- You're their defense.

- Yeah.

How do you feel?

You must feel so safe

knowing that you have

Mike Glover looking after you.

I am extremely grateful

that I'm a person that can feel that way.

I feel security for my family, for myself.

And it's one of the many reasons

that I was attracted to him.

These guys,

I just took them on their first elk hunt.

- And they're four years old.

- What?

And, like, when I shot the cow elk,

my son Benjamin was next to me,

my daughter was on the right side of me.

-Daddy!

-And different Oh wow.

See? That's safety first.

-Is that a real g*n or a toy g*n?

-No, this is a toy g*n.

It's how we teach g*n safety

with these guys.

That must be a bit confusing, though,

when you've got lots of actual g*ns.

- Is that a real g*n or a toy g*n?

- That's a toy g*n.

Okay.

'Cause there are some real g*ns out.

I got a r*fle sitting there,

that's my hunting r*fle.

- That's a toy? No?

- That's a real g*n.

The reason that's sitting out is because

my kids know the difference

between real g*ns and toys.

Yeah.

Do you feel safe

having g*ns around or less safe?

I feel a lot safer being armed,

but also being capable.

Let me show you the basement.

Oh.

You're here.

- Came back for round two, eh?

- Free wine and cheese.

It was so bizarre that

after chatting to Mike and his partner,

we then went downstairs into his basement,

and then there was just Greg, the man

who had frottaged me in the combat class,

sat there eating wine, cheese,

and homemade sausages.

And there wasn't really

an explanation for it, as well.

Does Greg have a house

or does he just live down there?

After polishing off

Greg's homemade sausage,

Mike showed us what he called

his bug out cave.

- All right, welcome.

- Oh my God, more g*ns.

You've got bows and arrows.

So, that's better presumably as well,

'cause that's reusable a*mo.

100%.

These are nice.

Are they for bird watching?

- Bird watching, people watching.

- Yeah.

Hunting.

- This is all your food supplies?

- This is a little bit.

- Does it have a vegan section?

- No.

When things get turned off,

and the umbilical cord connected to all

the supply and infrastructure goes away,

are you able to sustain your life and your

family's life for a long period of time?

Do you have a supply of, like, 90 days,

minimum, to be able to feed that child

for an extended period of time?

Uh, nope.

Yeah. That's a big problem.

You're asking Jack questions

as though he did these things himself.

- You don't do anything.

- Yeah.

I mean, you've got an entourage

of people that wait on you hand and foot.

If you run out of anything,

you ring your mother.

-Yeah.

-You've got your agent.

- Yeah.

- You've got your PR man.

-Yep.

-Or your building friend?

-Daniel. The builder. Yeah.

-Daniel.

I mean, you've even got

a f*cking dog groomer.

Yes, I would admit

that I have a support structure in place.

-And I guess my question would be

-Yeah?

could they all be

in the bug out cave with me?

No. No, it's a bad idea.

You would have to have

this type of supply for everybody.

And you're reducing your capability.

I think I could cut it down to one PA,

and maybe not the agent.

There's probably not gonna be as many

work opportunities after the apocalypse.

I feel way more prepared.

Ready for anything. And I'm not gonna lie,

having spent the day

hanging out with all of those dudes,

I've never felt like

more of an alpha male in my

What the f*ck was that?

Just a cat, just a cat.

That's quite a big cat.

In my defense,

that cat could have been armed.

Anyway, having learnt a lot,

Michael and I headed west

to the city of LA

to look further into survivalism

and enjoy a little family time.

I mean, this is a cracking view,

you have to admit.

It is. It's amazing.

Hilary, Roxy, and Elsie joined us,

because as if traveling with Michael

wasn't stressful enough,

let's chuck a baby into the mix.

- Did she feed a lot?

- Yeah, she fed really well.

I'm so happy she's gone to sleep.

How was Utah with the Preppers?

Jack behaved appallingly, as always,

because he got all overexcited.

- Like a teenager, presumably?

- He just doesn't seem to have grown up.

I was just thinking whether we should

crack into the mini bar and have a drink.

Oh yes.

Sweet!

Where's the opener?

And I think having a baby

will mature him and get him to realize

that there's more to life

than just arsing around.

No way!

That's amazing! So good.

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

To being the best parents in the world.

The end of the world

is now big business.

The market in apocalypse-ready products

is growing year on year

as families look to protect themselves

in an increasingly volatile world.

So, while Hilary and Roxy

spent the day with baby Elsie,

Michael and I were about to get

an exclusive look at a family car

so laden with gadgets it makes

the Batmobile look like a Fiat 500.

-Welcome to Rezvani, how are you?

-So nice to meet you, Cynthia.

-This is Michael.

-How do you do?

Lovely to meet you.

Would you like to see some fun cars today?

Oh my God, yes.

Well, step into our

beautiful land of cars.

You'll get to meet quite a few today.

- Look at that!

- God!

It's like a tank!

Oh my gosh.

This is Vengeance.

Wow.

Vengeance starts at $285,000.

With the military-edition package,

it starts at $410,000.

Oh! Bargain!

The Vengeance

is encased in armor-plated steel,

fitted with one-inch-thick

bulletproof glass

and multiple 007-style gadgets.

If you push your smoke screen button,

this car will expel a big cloud of smoke,

and you will be lost,

just like a magician.

Another fun feature

is electrified door handles.

-If you grab that, it'll give you a shock?

-It's gonna give you quite the jolt.

There might be someone trying

to get into your car that is unwanted.

-Like a carjacker?

-Yeah, carjacker

Or an overzealous dogger?

-What is a dogger?

-A dogger?

-Yes.

-Um We have them in England.

They are just sort of

enthusiasts for the great outdoors.

Oh my goodness. Well, love to show you

more features to avoid those doggers.

This is called a pepper spray dispenser.

You hit a button inside your car,

and it will dispense a good amount

of pepper spray.

I can't imagine many doggers

that can withstand that.

- Withstand that, no.

- But you never know.

No spray, no lay.

Perhaps, right? I don't even know what

that means, but I'm gonna go with it.

I'm obsessed with the word dogger now.

So you might hear me say that a few times.

Cynthia has done an incredible job.

Like, I definitely want to buy one.

I also really want to be here

when she googles the word dogger.

What were you doing, saying to her,

that nice, charming, sweet woman?

-It's a legitimate concern.

-Getting into a dogging gag!

- The whole thing was about dogging!

- No, it

None of it was about a car, or her.

It's a legitimate concern.

And I want to know the car is protected

from doggers, from all angles.

- If they're coming from the side

- Rubbish!

-Through the front door

-Yes. Yeah.

- Let's give it a spin.

- Okay, let's do it!

Since I don't have a license, and

due to his temperament and blood pressure,

Michael is now literally uninsurable,

it was down to Cynthia to get

behind the wheel for our test drive.

This is where you control

your front blinding lights,

your rear blinding lights,

strobe lights, smoke screen, pepper spray.

You also have a PA system in your car.

What? So you can speak into that,

and it comes out of the car?

Yeah, you sure can.

This is a dogger-proof vehicle.

Stay away from the car.

It was meant

to be a short test drive,

but I persuaded Cynthia

to take us a little further

so I could show off the car

to Hilary and Roxy.

Who's got a small d*ck now?

Wait, that was aimed at Roxy.

I think Roxy is gonna be very impressed

when she sees me in this.

I've honestly never felt more like

an alpha male sat in this absolute beast.

You certainly don't look like one.

Oh my God.

Is that a flak jacket?

Yes, all military-edition Vengeance models

come equipped with

personal body armor as standard.

You look absolutely ridiculous.

So do you.

There's one for you as well, if you want.

No, thank you.

Tavern House.

That's where they're having lunch.

Oh my goodness.

Say hello to our next family car.

-What the hell?

-Isn't it insane?

-It's crazy.

-Armored vehicle.

-Military-grade.

-Yeah.

Bulletproof glass. This is Cynthia.

-Hi, Cynthia. Nice to meet you.

-Hi! Nice to meet you, I'm Cynthia.

-Who's that woman?

-She's very nice.

She's head of sales for that brand.

How cool would we look

if we dropped Elsie at school in this?

-No, I don't think she'd appreciate

-She'd absolutely love that!

-She would not.

-Think how intimidating it would be!

How embarrassing,

her dad turning up in this.

-Going shopping now, aren't you?

-Yeah.

Do you want a lift?

Yeah.

Hils! Do you want a lift to the mall?

Yes, please!

-In that?

-Come on! Yeah, obviously.

Cynthia, is it all right if we give them

a lift in the Vengeance?

-Okay. Sure.

-Thank you.

Love Cynthia.

Right. Come on, Cynthia! Foot down now!

Show us what you can do in this vehicle.

-Oh, hello.

-Only thing stopping me is that red light.

Yes.

Surely it has something

that can take out red lights.

Can I just say, Cynthia,

that I like to know every single,

sort of, bolt on you can get.

So, for instance,

would it take a cycle rack?

-Yes.

-Is there a roof rack on it?

-There isn't, but we could fit one on.

-Okay. Does this come in pink?

Basically, you'd buy this because you

wanted somewhere to go shopping in?

-Yes!

-That's where we're going.

That's not the market they're looking for!

They're not looking for

little old ladies going to the shops.

Sorry? Are you suggesting

I'm a little old lady?

- Maybe you should hit that smoke screen.

- Unbelievable!

So that Michael

can make a swift exit.

I'm scared to touch anything in this car

in case something sprays at me.

We're leaving you with Elsie.

Look at that dress!

-Which one?

-The black one.

-Isn't that gorgeous?

-Oh nice. Yeah, it's lovely.

Before getting back on the road,

I just wanted to make absolutely sure

that that loud hailer was still working.

Hilary? Michael says,

can you remember to get

his Anusol from the pharmacy?

Wow. That is so loud!

Daddy needs his Anusol.

Just leave that thing alone!

- What? But, she'll forget.

- Stop it.

- She'll forget.

- Stop it.

We're really irritable right now.

-Stop it!

-Also, can you get some Imodium please?

- Can you pick him up some Imodium?

- No! Give me that!

All that was absolute rubbish,

and I don't need any Anusol.

There's nothing wrong with my an*s.

While I might not be

quite ready to spunk half a mil

on a car I can't actually drive,

it did get me thinking about

the most essential bit of kit one needs

to protect their family. A home.

Where would I live if a nuclear w*r

turned the planet as fiery

and inhospitable as my father's an*s?

To find out, Michael and I had traveled

to the vast plains of Kansas,

where one forward-thinking

property developer

has turned an ex-Cold w*r m*ssile silo

into the ultimate family survival condo.

A nuclear-hardened

underground apartment complex

designed for families to wait out

the apocalypse for over five years.

It's a weird place to want to come

for the end of the world, isn't it?

Very.

In fact, I think if I had came here,

I would want the world to end.

For secrecy, we were told

to meet at a roadside motel,

where vehicles would

collect us and the crew

and take us to the secret location.

It's all spy-level sh*t.

The car is getting sent here.

We're gonna have to put hoods on.

It all feels quite excessive.

I mean, especially if you're trying

to keep the location secret

from that man over there.

He literally hasn't got a clue

where he is most of the time.

-You all right?

-Yeah.

Oh, is this the car?

Hey.

Please secure your hood.

- Is it clean?

- What? Yeah.

I'm sure it's clean. Just put it on.

-Sorry.

-It'll also wreck my hair, so

You don't have any hair.

I just had my hair done.

Have you ever

thought of just wearing a wig?

I think you're being

a little bit unfair about my hair.

I don't have a lot,

but what I do have is quality.

- Quality, not quantity?

- Yeah, exactly.

- Your approach to hair these days?

- Exactly, it is.

But I've still I'm still

quite strong in their hair lower down.

I don't want to talk about

- I'm still quite bushy down there.

- Oh fu I manscape.

- You don't?

- I do!

I manscape. I look like a dolphin

when I take my clothes off.

Passengers can remove hoods now.

- Oh God. Thank God for that.

- Oh God!

Oh my God, look at this!

I wonder if he manscapes.

Do not ask him that.

All right.

Can I see your guys' IDs, please?

All right, gentlemen.

Charming man.

Showing us around today is

the condo owner and creator, Larry Hall

-Hi.

-You Jack?

-Yeah. Hey, nice to meet you.

-I'm Larry Hall.

Hey, Larry, this is

who himself has

a luxury apartment within the facility.

Come on in!

Those doors look pretty heavy-duty.

They're armor-plated steel.

Each half of this door weighs eight tons.

Look at that!

- No zombies are getting through that.

- Not any.

So, once you're in here, you come in,

these doors close, your family's safe.

Yeah.

-You feel safer now, don't you?

-Yeah.

- I don't think that's what that is for.

- What?

- That is not a coat stand.

- I'm sorry. I thought that was a

- It dresses up the place. I like it.

- Yeah.

So, when you buy a unit here,

you get an indoor parking space.

-You looked into armored vehicles yet?

-Yes. Yeah.

I've test driven a military-grade truck.

- Lovely little motor. Handled very well.

- No, you didn't.

-No, he didn't test drive.

-I did. We test drove it!

-We did it a couple days ago.

-You can't drive!

-Well, I didn't

-It was driven by that nice lady.

Cynthia.

- Military-grade truck.

- It'd help if you could learn to drive.

-Doesn't matter in the event of a

-Would you agree? In the event of all

-That's a skill every man should have.

-Who gives a f*ck?

Let's go into the facility.

Larry's 15-floor underground condo

boasts multiple luxury apartments,

along with communal spaces

including a cinema, bar, g*n range,

and even its own leisure complex.

- Wow.

- Look at this!

It's all geothermally heated.

Got a good vibe.

Yeah, really nice vibe.

We've got air hockey,

a rock-climbing wall.

And we've got table tennis.

It looks like a student union.

This is a common room.

- Amazing. Oh, this is the games room.

- We could play some pool, Michael.

How do you protect against nefarious

activities happening on the site?

Where we draw the line

is where it starts to impact

or hurt someone else potentially.

So, if somebody's having a bad day,

we have a jail cell for an adult time out.

And if you've got a jail cell, does that

mean then you need to have, like, a court?

- No.

- No?

No.

So, who decides who goes to jail?

If you're acting belligerent

and you're a threat to people

and you're scaring the children,

it's time for an adult timeout.

And is there someone that,

like, makes that call?

There's a It's It's

There's an elected set of people.

-Yeah.

-So it's all democratic.

-Yeah.

-What about relationships?

-You looking for someone new?

-You're a tight communit Not me, but

- That's what they all say. "Not me!"

- Not Jack now

You filthy bugger.

I wasn't thinking about me.

Me and Larry can see

right through your line of questioning.

You're wondering if you came down here

with Mummy and bought a condo,

but you wanted to have a cheeky bit

on the side, what are the rules?

-That is not what I was asking at all.

-It's fine!

-You're being bashful.

-You're twisting this innocent question.

If people want to have private time,

we're not gonna speculate what's going on.

Now, you're not gonna be fornicating in

the hallways and on the air hockey table

Especially not if there's a game in play.

Yeah, that would be

That would be a technical foul, I believe.

You old dog.

Very funny.

- Look at that.

- Oh. What?

- Know who'd absolutely love this room?

- Who?

- Mike Glover.

- Yes.

We got thousands of rounds of ammunition,

we've got tactical shotguns.

This is a 308-sn*per r*fle up here.

- It's a fun room.

- Yeah.

Yeah, I wouldn't say I'm, like,

a massive g*n guy on the whole, but

Post-apocalypse,

I'd like a room like this.

This is the slammer.

So, this is where you'd lock up a thief

or a vandal or a geriatric philanderer.

Amongst other people

having a bad day or drank too much.

Larry's underground apartment

complex even has its own mini mart,

complete with hydroponics veg patch,

which works using synthetic light

and water-based nutrient

solution rather than soil.

So, we're in the hydroponics.

Everything in here is truly 100% organic.

We usually have

nine different kinds of lettuce growing.

We've got bok choy over here.

Those are green peppers

and red peppers and yellow peppers,

all different kinds of bell peppers

coming up over here. It's delicious.

Isn't it the most amazing thing

of this whole trip

is that I had no idea

that Americans ate salad?

It's a learning moment for us all.

I think this is actually the prison.

If one of the Americans misbehaves,

they get locked in a room

with nutritious food.

- They're on a salad-only diet.

- Yeah.

You have to eat your way out of it.

You get given some ranch dressing

for good behavior.

So this is a bulletproof door,

bulletproof window,

and this is our security monitoring.

And it's presumably manned 24/7?

- 365, it's never not occupied here.

- Other than when we just came in.

To the room. There was

no one here when we just came in.

- What do you make of it?

- I think it's really cool.

Don't get me wrong.

But I can't help but think

it could go south very quickly.

You know, it would

start off all happy families.

But then you cut to three years later.

That swimming pool's been

turned into a mass grave.

The power has

completely gone to Larry's head.

He's just in that control room

with all of the televisions.

Necklace made of human teeth.

Everyone just desperate to get out.

Other than Michael,

who's on a one-man mission

to repopulate the Earth.

That's where my head goes to anyway.

This is a fourth-floor unit.

It's got nine-foot ceilings.

You can see all these high-end appliances.

- These are windows, electronic windows.

- That's so cool!

You could sit here in your living room,

put your feet up, and watch, on live feed,

the survivors outside being ripped

limb from limb by the zombies.

You would see it.

There's no filters.

-So, how much are you asking for this?

-This unit is 2.4 million.

-Yeah.

-Maybe a bit out of your price range.

No, I think I could probably do that.

I probably wouldn't buy it direct.

I have a lot of high net-worth friends.

-Okay.

-Huge number.

-You have a lot of

-Particularly in the Middle East.

- In the Middle East?

- Yeah.

-You don't know anyone in

-I do.

All the sheikhs that we met

when we were in Dubai.

-You don't know any sheikhs!

-My Emirates flight.

You have a couple of friends

that have the shakes.

But that is very different.

- Very funny.

- What's the name of this sheikh, then?

Muhammad.

Muhammad what?

Ali.

- That is a made-up name, and you know it.

- No!

Sheikh Muhammad Ali,

you know, he used to be a boxer.

- You're so full of sh*t.

- No.

Nothing can be more important

than protecting the ones you love.

Daddy's here, have no fear.

As a father,

I now had a new role of protector.

Had my time on the road with Michael made

me any more qualified for that position?

Any more capable?

Cheers.

Or just more aware of my own shortcomings?

- Who's got a ponytail holder?

- No! Do not man bun me!

And was I really prepared

to go to some of the extremes I'd seen

to protect my belching,

chundering little miracle, Elsie?

Back in London, I finally came

to what some might call conclusions.

I guess after all of this apocalyptic

paranoia that I've been experiencing,

what I've learnt is that I just need

to stop thinking so negatively.

I just need to surrender, and chill out,

and it will all be fine.

But I have also bought a g*n.

Just in case.

It's in the basement.

With Greg.

Come on, Greg.

I've had a hard day with Elsie.

Pop your shirt off,

let's have a little wrestle.

I can never go back to Utah.

Another thing that

I'm really interested in is longevity.

How I can extend the amount of time

that I have with my child.

These are my kind of men.

How I can live longer.

Live forever. The Holy Grail.

It is literally like watching

Hannibal Lecter over there.

We're not gonna look for the Holy Grail.

f*cking hell! Hilary!

We are gonna go to Los Angeles

probably and talk to some quacks

about scientific experiments you can do

to make yourself live to, like, 120.

No, Daddy, come back!

Michael!