(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
(SQUEAKS) (GASPS)
(SCREAMS)
(GROANING)
(SCREAMING)
Brains!
(GASPS)
(GROANING)
(SCREAMING)
(STOPS SCREAMING)
(RESUMES SCREAMING)
(GROWLS) (CRUNCHING)
(CHOMPING)
GRANDMA: What's happening now?
Well, the zombie is eating
her head, Grandma.
That's not very nice. What's
he doing that for?
(CHUCKLES)
Because he's a zombie.
That's what they do.
He's going to ruin his dinner.
I'm sure if they just bothered to
sit down and talk it through,
it would be a different story.
PERRY: Norman, didn't I tell
you to take out the garbage?
Yeah, coming, Dad.
Tell him to turn up the thermostat,
too, will you?
My feet are Iike ice.
PERRY: Come on, fit, you stupid...
Hi. What are you watching in there?
NORMAN: Sex and violence.
Oh, that's nice.
(GROANS) Can't you be Iike
other kids your age,
and pitch a tent in the yard or have
a healthy interest in carpentry?
Perry...
I thought you said kids my age were
too busy shoplifting and joyriding.
SANDRA: Norman.
He's, Iike, R-I-double-P-E-D.
Like, a seven-pack at Ieast.
(GRUNTING) Uh-huh. Ew!
Watch it!
SANDRA: Courtney, be nice. Whoa!
Yeah, she totally doesn't deserve him.
I mean, she's nice and I really Iike her,
but she's a complete Ioser.
Yeah, I know.
Hey, uh, Dad?
Grandma says, can you turn up the
heating? Her feet are cold.
(POPS) (GASPS)
(BULB SHATTERS) (PERRY GROANS)
Now, Perry...
How many times do we have
to go through this, son?
Your grandmother is dead!
I know.
Then why do you keep on talking to her?
Because she talks back.
OMG, you are such a Iiar.
God, I'm not making this up, I swear!
She talks to me all the time.
Oh, yeah? Prove it.
She said, it's not very Iadylike to hide
photos of the high-school quarterback
with his shirt off in your
underwear drawer. (GASPS)
I knew it!
Uh! You've been sneaking around
in my personal... Ugh!
No, I haven't. Grandma told me.
You are the worst!
Norman, I know you and Grandma
were very close,
but we all have to move on.
Grandma's in a better place now.
No, she's not. She's in the Iiving room.
Your grandmother was old
and sick and she died.
That's all there is to it!
Okay. Perry, this is just part
of the mourning process.
Oh, stop indulging him.
I'm nothing if I'm not Iiberal,
but that Iimp-wristed hippie garbage
needs to be nipped in the bud.
This behavior might be okay with
your side of the family,
but I'm not putting up with it anymore!
Not me! Not this again.
This isn't the West Coast, Sandra.
People talk. They do.
He's just sensitive, Perry.
Oh, please! Sensitive is writing poetry
and being Iousy at team sports. Not this.
I won't have him turn out
Iike that uncle of yours.
If that crazy old tr*mp
has been around here,
putting ideas in Norman's head...
Perry, no one has had anything to do
with Uncle Prenderghast in years.
I bet he doesn't even know
what Norman Iooks Iike.
(PRENDERGHAST COUGHS)
Not much time.
(WHEEZING)
(GROANING)
(COUGHING)
(GULPS)
(MUMBLING)
(AUTOMATED GROWLING) (GASPS)
(GROANS)
(GROANING)
(SCOFFS)
Good morning!
Hey, Bruce, how's it going?
Not much. I'm kind of Iate
for school, I need to go.
Hi! Nice to see you guys.
Good morning. Sorry, I got to run. Oh!
Excuse me. Pardon me. See ya!
Hey there, Iittle buddy. Come
on, come here. (CHUCKLES)
Yeah, good to see you.
How you doing?
Hi, Mrs. Hardman. You Iook nice today.
I Iike what you've done with your hair.
Does anyone smell burning?
Hey, peace, man.
Totally. Yeah.
As you were, soldier.
Sir, yes, sir!
Yo, Norman. You playing hooky?
No, no, I'm just Iate for school.
Sorry, I got to go.
How you doing?
Hey, how you doing?
Hi. How's it hanging?
(LAUGHS)
Haven't heard that one before.
Well, it's a nice day.
(COUGHS)
Watch and Iearn. "Parking violation"
is my middle name.
DWAYNE: Really? I thought it was Rhona.
FEMALE TOURIST: Suck it in,
sweetie. No, no, your gut.
There you go.
(INDISTINCT TALKING)
(BEEPS)
(TALKING CEASES)
(STUDENTS WHISPERING)
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
(TALKING RESUMES)
(GRUNTS)
(BOY LAUGHS)
Hey, hey, ghost jerk, you know what?
(SIGHS) What do you want, Alvin?
Why don't you go see some
more ghosts, Goober?
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(GROANS) Ooh, ooh, oh.
Hey, hey, Norman. (BUZZES)
Talk to that.
(LAUGHS) That's so Alvin! Right?
That was good, right, guys? That was fun?
Flies don't talk.
Neil, come on, Iet's go.
(GROANS) You stink of illiteracy!
Pilgrims! The Mayflower!
Don't any of you know anything
about the history of this town?
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
Puritans were strict and devout settlers,
who came here to build a home,
a place without sin!
What is it now, Salma?
Why is the witch always
a hideous old crone
with a pointy hat and a broomstick?
I don't believe it's historically
accurate, Miss Henscher.
It's not supposed to be!
It's supposed to sell postcards
and key chains.
So, Iet's try it again!
Top of page six, Norman!
"The founding fathers of Blithe Hollow
"discovered an evil witch amongst them..."
No, no, Norman! With gusto!
Like this.
"They put her on trial and hanged her!
"But the vengeful witch cursed her
accusers, seven of them in all,
"to die a horrible and gruesome death,
"and rise from their graves
as the Iiving dead!
"Their souls!
"Their souls, doomed to an
eternity of damnation!"
Now, I want you to try that
again, but with conviction.
My reputation is at stake, here.
And I won't have this turn out
Iike that wretched Kabuki
debacle of '09...
Norman! Are you Iistening to me, boy?
(ALL LAUGHING)
Sorry, Mrs. Henscher.
So am I.
Now, unless there's any other
issues, Iet us resume.
"They put her on trial and hanged her!"
Ooh! This is my moment!
(GAGS)
(ALL EXCLAIM)
(BULLIES LAUGHING)
Boom, baby!
Sorry.
Ah! You useless bunch of... (BELL RINGS)
(INDISTINCT TALKING)
(PANTING)
Norman, wait up!
I keep telling you, Neil.
I Iike to be alone.
So do I! Let's do it together.
You shouldn't Iet them get you down.
They always do stuff Iike that to me.
Why?
Because I'm fat. And my allergies
make my eyes Ieak.
And I sweat when I walk too fast.
And I have a Iunch box
with a kitten on it.
Ooh. And I have irritable bowel syndrome.
I guess there's a whole bunch of stuff.
Doesn't it bother you?
No. You can't stop bullying.
It's part of human nature.
If you were bigger and more stupid,
you'd probably be a bully, too.
It's called "survival of the thickest."
Psst!
That statue just "psst" at us.
Do you know who I am?
The weird, stinky old bum
who Iives up the hill?
I was asking him!
Yeah, uh, I know.
I was told not to talk to you. Sorry.
And you know why you're not
supposed to talk to me?
I can see ghosts, too!
And I know that's not all you've
been seeing Iately, is it?
Bad omens?
Things you can't quite explain.
Strange faces peering through the veil?
And I'll bet no one told you about
the witch's curse, did they?
Actually, we're Iearning
about it in school.
Oh, oh! I'm a tree! (GROANS)
There's something you really need to know.
This is the most important
thing you will ever hear.
The fate of everyone depends on it!
Now, Iisten close.
The witch's curse is real!
And you're the one who has to stop it.
(GASPS)
You've got to use your gift
(WHEEZING) of talking to the dead.
(WHEEZY COUGHING)
Because, if you don't, the witch's...
Oh, oh. This is the most
important thing of all!
You've got to... (COUGHING)
You've got... You've... (COUGHING)
NEIL: Leave him alone!
Don't make me throw this
hummus. It's spicy.
(EXCLAIMS FEARFULLY)
This ain't done with!
You'll see it soon enough.
Watch for the sign.
(LAUGHS WHEEZILY)
Jeez, what a dirty old creep.
He's my uncle.
So, is it true?
What?
Can you see ghosts, Iike,
everywhere, all the time?
Uh, yeah.
Awesome!
Ooh, ooh! Do you think you
could see my dog Bub?
He was ran over by an animal rescue
van. Tragic and ironic.
We buried him in the yard.
Could you see him?
Maybe. Sweet! Come on!
MITCH: Neil? Is that you?
Hey, Mitch. We're going to go play
with the dead dog in the garden,
and we're not even going to
have to dig him up first!
(THUDS) (GRUNTS)
You're digging what? What?
What did you say?
(WHISPERS) Neil, isn't he that weird kid?
You know, "Look at me,
I'm talking to ghosts
"so people will pay attention to me."
Can you stop doing that?
It's kind of stupid.
Now, Iisten to me.
You don't need to be hanging
out with weird people. Okay?
That's a tip.
Don't blow this for me, Mitch.
This one's not weird.
He talks to dead people!
He's around here somewhere.
So, does everyone come back as a ghost?
No.
My grandma told me it's usually people
who still have stuff to figure out,
or sometimes it's the ones who
died suddenly or in a bad way.
(BARKING)
NORMAN: Bub? (CHUCKLES)
(GASPS) Is he there? How does he Iook?
Uh, good. He's happy to see you.
Who's a good boy, huh? Good boy!
Can he feel if I pet him?
Yeah, I guess.
(KISSING) Bubby-wubby-boo.
Uh, that's not his chin.
(WHISTLES)
Go get it!
He can't fetch it, you know.
Yeah. Well, it's still fun. Good boy!
Bring it back!
Go get it, Bub. (KISSING) Good boy!
(LAUGHS)
Why don't you try?
Because I don't really... You can go.
No. No. It's fun, try it.
No, I don't want to.
You throw it. It's really
easy. No, it's okay.
You can throw it. I don't mind.
No. Come on. It's really fun.
Here, you go first.
No, you try it. I already
went, Iike, 50 times.
Okay, what do I do?
You get the stick, you pull
back and you throw it.
(GRUNTS)
(GASPS) Neil?
Sorry!
(MUFFLED) I fetched it.
(CHUCKLES)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Are you okay?
(GROWLS)
I'll show him, and that
scary Iittle fat kid.
Doesn't he realize we're running out of...
Ohh!
(GASPS)
(THUDS)
(GASPING)
(LAUGHING)
No. Not yet! (LAUGHING)
Not yet! (GROANS)
Whoa! (GROANING)
Aw, nuts.
No, no, I don't want to go! I want
to go home! I don't want to go!
CHILDREN: (SINGING) Must be the
season of the witch, yeah
Great. Now I'll never get
to remember this moment.
Must be the season of the witch
(APPLAUSE)
MAN: You suck.
(SIGHS) I curse you accusers to die
a horrible and gruesome death,
and rise from your graves
as the Iiving dead!
Your souls doomed to an
eternity of damnation.
(ALVIN SCREAMS)
(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)
ALL: (CHANTING) k*ll the
witch! k*ll the witch!
k*ll the witch!
(GASPS) Gosh, aren't they adorable?
(ALL CHANTING)
(OWL HOOTING)
(CONTINUES HOOTING)
What?
Oh, no. Not again.
PURITAN 1: This way. Over here.
PURITAN 2: Witch! We know
you're out there.
(TWIG CRACKS) (GASPS)
There! No!
Witch.
(PANTING)
(GASPS)
(SCREAMS)
(GROWLS)
(DISTORTED) The dead are coming!
(SCREAMS)
(GASPS)
Hey, buddy. Are you okay?
(SCREAMING)
The dead are coming! (ALL GASP)
Norman!
(GROANS)
Did he say the dead are coming?
No! No, no, no, no.
Yes! The tree told me!
(AUDIENCE MURMURING)
PERRY: This is where it stops.
It's one thing being a mental
case in front of your family,
but not the whole freaking town!
There is not going to be any
more talking to ghosts,
or grandmas, or what is it now?
I think it's trees.
(GROANS)
You are grounded.
Do you hear me?
This is ridiculous. I wish everyone
could see what I see.
I didn't ask to be born this way.
Funny. Neither did we.
(GROANS) Kids. It never
ends. It never ends!
You know, sometimes people
say things that seem mean,
but they do it because they're afraid.
He's my dad. He shouldn't be afraid of me.
He's not afraid of you.
He's afraid for you.
BOY 1: Look! It's AbNorman.
(CHILDREN LAUGHING) GIRL: What did
the tree tell you today, Norman?
BOY 2: Are the dead coming soon, Norman?
CHILDREN: (CHANTING) Norman is
a Ioser! Norman is a Ioser!
(WATER DRIPPING)
(SIGHS)
(RATTLING) (GASPS)
(GASPING)
(EXCLAIMING FEARFULLY)
Whoa! Huh?
Whoa! Whoa!
(NORMAN EXCLAIMING FEARFULLY)
Ugh!
(SCREAMING)
(GASPS)
You... You died?
Yeah, but I got unfinished business here.
Oh. Couldn't you use another stall?
My ghost isn't going anywhere,
until I pass on my duty to another.
(LAUGHING)
And that would be you.
Me? No, no, no, no. You
must have it wrong.
h* hoo, it's you, all right.
I've been holding back the
witch's curse for years.
But now I'm dead. It has to be you.
But I... I don't know
what any of it means.
It means the past is coming
back to haunt you!
Time is running out!
The anniversary of the witch's death
is tonight!
Her ghost is going to wake up.
And when she does, she'll raise the dead.
(EXCLAIMS FEARFULLY)
You've got to keep her in her grave!
But I'm just a kid! How am
I supposed to stop it?
Read from the book at the spot
the witch was buried.
What book?
The one in my hands.
Not these hands! My other hands.
The "me" that's at home in my study
starting to smell a Iittle funny.
Get the book and read from it
before the sun sets tonight.
(STAMMERS) But this is crazy.
Do I Iook crazy to you?
Tell me you'll do this. (STAMMERING)
Swear!
You mean Iike the "F" word?
I mean, promise!
Okay, okay. I... I promise.
That will do.
No, Mr. Prenderghast, wait!
Sorry, kid, I'm done here. I'm free!
I'm finally free!
(LAUGHING)
NORMAN: Wait. No, you can't Ieave now!
(LAUGHING)
NORMAN: Please! I don't understand!
Uh...
Yeah, you, uh... You might want
to give that a few minutes.
(FLUSHING)
Norman?
Hey, what's the big deal?
Don't get your bra in a twist, fat boy.
This has nothing to do with you,
so keep out of my way.
Or what?
Or I'll punch you in the boobs.
I don't have boobs. These are pectorals.
Ow, my boobs!
You're dead, freak show! Do you hear me?
D-E-D, dead!
You're going to be so dead,
that you're going to have to talk
to yourself when you're dead!
PERRY: I really don't think
we should be Ieaving him.
Perry, you promised me a meal
that someone else microwaved.
He's probably up there right now,
fiddling with his Ouija, or his orbs,
or whatever it is he's got up
there! This is not good!
(DOOR CLOSES)
Uh!
Ah!
(GRUNTS) (TOY SQUEAKS)
(SIGHS)
(CELL PHONE RINGS) (GASPS)
(BEEPS)
(YELLS)
Do you want to play some hockey?
You know, I've kind of got other
things on my mind right now.
Is it all that walking dead stuff again?
Mr. Prenderghast appeared
to me in the bathroom.
Ew.
No! His spirit.
He says the witch's curse is real,
and I have to go up to the old graveyard
and stop it before the sun sets tonight.
So, you want to come play a bit Iater?
Didn't you hear what I just said?
Yeah, but I thought my idea was the
Iess Iikely to get us eaten.
Just go home, Neil. I'm better
off on my own, anyway.
But... Go home!
Jeez. Who rattled your chains?
No one.
Hmm.
Dad says I'm not supposed to talk
to you anymore, Grandma.
Jackass.
If I were a poltergeist, I'd
throw something at his head.
(GRUNTS)
You know, by rights,
I'm supposed to be frolicking in
paradise with your grandfather.
But I'm not.
So, why did you stay?
I was never one for frolicking.
I'll bet there's no cable or
canasta up there, either.
Besides, I promised I'd always
Iook out for you.
So, it's your duty.
Uh, in a manner of speaking.
And you would do it, no matter what?
Of course!
Even if it was something really scary?
There's nothing wrong with
being scared, Norman,
so Iong as you don't Iet
it change who you are.
COURTNEY: So, I said to her, "Girl,
come back and talk to me
"when your basket toss gets
12,000 hits on YouTube!"
Yeah. No, I said that.
Yeah, I'm stuck on Iame patrol.
Tonight's going to be a total yawn.
(DOOR SLAMS) (GROANS LOUDLY)
Norman!
You better not be sneaking
out, you Iittle weirdo!
(HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
ALVIN: Whoa! (GRUNTS)
(GROWLS)
(BIRD SQUAWKING)
(GULPS)
Hello?
Mr. Prenderghast?
Ugh!
(SQUEAKING) (GASPS)
(FLOORBOARDS CREAKING)
(CELL PHONE BEEPS)
Oh, come on.
Darn it.
(GASPS)
(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)
(GRUNTING)
Let go!
Come on!
(CHUCKLES)
(CREAKING)
(GRUNTS)
Ah! (GRUNTING)
(PANTING)
(SHIVERS)
(EXCLAIMING)
This is it.
(GRUNTS)
Read from the book, stop the curse,
go home, and pretend this never happened.
(WIND WHISTLING)
(CLEARS THROAT)
"Once upon a time, in a far-off Iand,
"there Iived a king and a queen
in a magnificent castle."
What? A fairy tale?
Ooh, what have you got there, Geekula?
No! Give it back! (LAUGHS)
Oh, I can't wait to see everybody's faces
when they hear about this one.
No, no. Don't! Alvin!
Hey. Nobody makes me miss
out on a possible date
with a girl that almost had some
interest in talking to me.
Yeah? Thought so! You got nothing to say.
Uh-oh.
Dang straight, "Uh-oh."
That's what happens when
Alvin gets around here.
"Uh-oh, is that Alvin?"
"Uh-oh, Alvin's going to make
me run home to Mommy."
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Uh-oh.
What is that?
It's her.
(BOTH EXCLAIM FEARFULLY)
(SHRILL SCREECH) (GASPS)
(THUDDING) What's that sound?
(BOTH YELL)
(BOTH EXCLAIM FEARFULLY)
(GROWLING)
(YELLS)
(GROANING)
(BOTH GROANING)
(MOANING)
(ZOMBIES GROANING AND MOANING)
(BLABBERING) (THUDDING)
(ROARS)
Ah!
"Once upon a time, in a far-off...
"Once upon a time, in a..."
Make it stop, please, now please!
(STAMMERING) It's not working!
(GROWLING)
Stop!
Stop?
You must stop!
What?
Norman? What are you doing?
I think I peed my pants!
Wait!
(CHOMPING)
(DOORBELL RINGS)
MITCH: Neil! Will you get the door?
I'm busy.
Are you freeze-framing Mom's
aerobics DVD again?
No!
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Neil! Would it k*ll you to get off
your butt and answer the door?
(MOCKING) God.
Oh, I'm going to k*ll them!
I know you're in there!
Slumber party is over, dorks!
Um, can I help you?
Hell, yeah. (CHUCKLES) Hmm.
Oh, I... Sorry to bug you so Iate.
Um, does, uh... Neil Iive here?
Yeah. He's my brother.
Oh, wow! That's great!
Your brother and my brother
are, Iike, best friends!
I'm Courtney.
Hey, Neil! Come here a minute.
There's a girl asking for you.
COURTNEY: Hey, there!
How are you doing,
Iittle guy?
Neil? Yeah, Neil.
Do you know where Norman is?
He kind of disappeared.
Oh, no. Idea!
I have no idea where he is. Sorry. Bye!
MITCH: Whoa, Neil.
Better start talking, buddy.
I didn't really think he was serious about
going up to the old graveyard on his own.
That's so Norman!
Oh, man, that place is bad news.
It's Iike a total slasher-movie vibe.
Why did he go up there?
I don't know. Maybe we should
go Iook for him.
I told you he was trouble.
Sorry, but I did.
No, it's fine. He sucks.
But I got to make sure he doesn't,
you know, die or anything tonight.
Will you help me?
Please?
Okay.
I guess I should go get some clothes on.
Mmm!
Uh, is Norman in trouble?
(SCREAMS)
(GASPS)
Are they going to try to eat our brains?
I think you'll be safe.
Oh, thank God!
I don't get it.
Why didn't it work?
The Story of Sleeping Beauty?
This doesn't make any sense!
Wait! Where are you going?
Mr. Prenderghast, I don't understand.
Just tell me what to do!
Dude, what are you doing?
He told me to read from the
book to stop the curse!
I thought it was Iike a spell
or something, but...
Come on. There has to be something.
I really need to get home
because I've got a seriously early curfew.
Okay, seven victims.
My mom gets really upset... Seven victims.
(POUNDING) (GASPS) Oh, no.
Okay, got to defend ourselves.
We got to sh**t them in
the head with, Iike,
some sort of silver stake or something.
Seven victims.
I'm way too awesome to get eaten.
Seven graves.
Norman, are you Iistening to me?
You really got to do something!
The witch's grave!
It wasn't there!
I was reading the book in the wrong place!
Hide! What?
(ALL GROANING)
(WHIMPERS)
(MOANING)
(GROWLING)
ZOMBIE: Huh?
(ALVIN SCREAMING)
(GASPS)
(GROWLS)
(SCREAMS)
(PANTS)
(GRUNTS) Come on!
COURTNEY: And she said, "I
could totally consider
"a career in formation swimming."
But I was Iike, "I want to do something
"that helps people Iess fortunate
than me, thank you very much."
You know? Like, um... Like the poor.
Or people who are dying,
or ugly or something.
Because I really think that
ecology and world peace
are, Iike, totally important today.
Do you use free weights? Because
your deltoids are huge!
I've never used deltoids in my Iife,
I swear. You can test me.
k*ll me now.
Thank you for doing this, Mitch.
He means an awful Iot to me, you know?
I Iove him Iike he was a brother.
NEIL: He is your brother.
(THUNDER CRASHING)
Whoa!
Look at that sky!
Look out!
Oh, no!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
That was Norman! (BOTH SCREAMING)
MITCH: Is everyone okay?
No. No.
Uh, hello, sir?
COURTNEY: Is he dead or what?
I don't know. He's not moving.
(LOW GROWL)
He's still breathing!
COURTNEY: So, he's okay?
Uh...
Not exactly.
COURTNEY: What? What did you just say?
Does anyone know CPR or...
Run!
(GROWLS)
(SCREAMS)
Did you see that?
That was insane.
I know, right? I kicked that,
Iike, a hundred yards!
Norman, what just happened?
Zombies! I swear, okay?
We saw them burst out of
their graves for real!
Just so you know, I totally
saved his Iife,
and I could totally save yours.
COURTNEY: Sorry, who are you?
I'm Alvin.
Guys? Maybe we should actually
drive away now.
Oh, right. (SCREAMING)
(COUGHING)
(MOANS)
(EXCLAIMING FEARFULLY)
(ALL GROANING)
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Pesky kids with their cell phones,
burning up the ozone.
That's what this is.
What the...
(GROWLS)
Ugh! I just knew something Iike this
was going to happen tonight.
You did? Wow. Because that zombie
bit really threw me.
Why do you have to go and get everyone
involved in all your weird stuff?
Well, you weren't supposed
to follow me, were you?
Sorry, my fault. When I'm nervous,
I get mouth diarrhea.
(LAUGHS) Whoa! Diarrhea!
Oh, my gosh! I think I'm
having an aneurysm.
Oh, this is so typical of you!
No. You don't understand. I'm the only
one who can stop this, Courtney!
Oh, I understand.
I understand that this is all getting
completely out of... Hand!
Ah! (GROWLING)
(BOTH SCREAMING)
What do we do? What do we do? Mitch!
I don't know! I don't know!
You're the oldest.
Not mentally!
Oh, great, the cops.
(SIREN WAILING)
Pull over the vehicle!
Norman! How do we stop them?
I'm supposed to read from the
book at the witch's grave.
We've got to go back to the graveyard?
She wasn't buried with the others.
I don't know where else to Iook!
Well, you better think
of something, quick!
Oh, I have an idea!
SALMA: So, Norman, Iet
me get this straight.
You guys all go on this big
supernatural adventure,
and you're calling me in
the middle of the night
because you need someone to
help you do your homework?
Uh, yeah.
We need to find out where
the witch is buried!
(SCREAMS) Oh, no!
I went to the old graveyard,
but her grave wasn't there.
Well, duh.
People found guilty of witchcraft
weren't considered people anymore.
Norman, your witch was
buried someplace else.
In an unmarked grave.
Mitch, do something!
(SCREAMS)
If you cared to pay attention
some of the time,
you would know that we covered this
in fifth-grade history class.
Salma! Please hurry!
Oh, no! (BOTH SCREAMING)
NORMAN: I would google this myself
if there wasn't a 300-year-old dead
guy trying to rip my face off.
(SIGHS) Okay, okay.
It says here she was tried in the
old town hall on Main Street.
There may be a record of her execution
and burial in the archives.
Quick! She said, "Go to the town hall!"
(HUMMING)
(GASPS)
(SCREAMING)
Oh, my goodness!
SANDRA: I really think it
might help if you tried
to see things from his point of view.
PERRY: I don't want to.
Perry, not believing in the afterlife
is Iike not believing in astrology.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Seriously. Where did you Iearn that?
Calm down.
(SCREAMS)
Delinquent drivers! Where are the
police when you need them?
(GRUNTS)
(GROANING)
(GROWLS)
(ALL SCREAM)
(GIGGLING)
(ALL SCREAM) (GRUNTS)
MITCH: Oh, my gosh. COURTNEY:
I broke a nail.
MITCH: I'm going to be sick.
Yeah! Alvin the zombie
slayer! I got you! Ow!
Ow! Ooh!
(ALVIN SOBS)
Baby, I'm so sorry. You'll be all right.
We're going to get through this together.
(CAR LOCK CHIRPS)
Uh-oh.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Come on!
Oh, yeah!
(HUMMING INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC)
Perfect. Now the geeks are in charge.
(HUMMING)
(COIN CLINKING)
(BEEPING)
(WHIRRING)
(ZOMBIE GROANING)
(GASPS)
(ALL GROANING)
(SCREAMING)
(CONTINUES SCREAMING)
(GROANING EXCITEDLY)
(ALL GASPING)
(SCREAMING)
(CHUCKLING) Booyah!
(KISSES) (expl*si*n)
(CACKLING)
(SCREAMING)
See? I told you! Zombies!
It's the witch's curse!
Mama?
What?
What should we do?
(ALL GROANING)
k*ll 'em in the head!
Yeah!
Hurry! This way!
(SCREAMING)
COURTNEY: Oh, this is awful!
The zombies are, Iike, eating everyone!
Come on!
(ALL PANTING)
Is everyone all right? Nobody got bitten?
I bit my tongue. Does that count?
(RATTLES)
Does anyone know how to pick a Iock?
Sure. Picking Iocks is my thing.
(LOCK CLICKS)
Boom.
This is it! This is?
Now we can find out where
the witch was buried.
Uh-oh.
Whoa.
Great. I'm super-psyched.
This is turning into the
most fun night ever!
Man! Zombies take over the world
and we Iock ourselves in a Iibrary!
Are you kidding me?
There's an adult video store
just across the street.
This will be a piece of cake, you'll see.
Page one.
Okay, page one.
MITCH: I really hate these places.
(GRUNTS)
Come on.
Feel it, push yourself.
That's not it. Time is running out.
Ain't room for no more
zombies in this town!
Yeah!
Huh?
(ALL CLAMORING)
(GRUNTING)
(g*nsh*t) Oh!
Ya-ha-hoo!
(MUMBLING)
(EXCLAIMS JOYFULLY)
It would have been a quiet night, too,
if it hadn't been for those meddling kids.
Hmm!
Sweet baby jinkies!
What do you think you're doing,
firing at civilians?
That is for the police to do!
Oh, no, no, no, it's okay, Sheriff.
We've only been sh**ting at the dead ones.
It's the Iiving dead, come
to take us all to hell!
We've got to stop them
before they get away!
(ALL GROANING)
(MUMBLING)
(ALL GASP)
(GRUMBLES)
Move along now, people! There
isn't anything to see here!
I saw them! I saw them!
They're in the town hall!
Cry "Havoc," and Iet slip the dogs of w*r!
Let's rip 'em apart!
(ALL CHEERING)
We're not going to find
it in here, Norman.
This is useless!
Yeah, I know, and it's also really boring.
I thought I was driving the van.
No one told me I was going to have
to do this other dumb stuff.
(SIGHS) If I had known there was
so much reading involved,
I would have brought a completely different
group of people who hate me.
Yes! Book number one, finished!
That is right. Twenty-six pages.
Oh, yeah!
(ALL GROAN)
(ALL SHOUTING)
I can't believe this is your plan.
I'm going to get bitten and start
eating people's brains.
I'm supposed to be vegan!
There's something moving out there.
I think it's the zombies.
Hide!
Oh, no, it's not. It's just grown-ups.
Hide!
(GLASS SHATTERS)
That sound. Do you know what that is?
That's not awesome things.
Guys, come on!
Just give it up, you wiener.
No, we have to keep trying.
Uh! We tried, and Iook what happened.
I'm scared, Norman, and I can't
Iisten to this anymore.
You never Iisten. No one ever Iistens!
I'm scared, too, but I've
still got to do this.
I do too Iisten!
And whatever it was you just
said, it's not working.
You think you're going to go out there,
do your "talking to the dead" thing,
and this is all going to be okay?
What are you going to do? Huh? Ask
the zombies not to eat you?
I should have known you
wouldn't understand.
No one ever does!
Norman, you need to stop
all this weird stuff,
and start Iiving in the real world.
Everyone in the real world
thinks I'm a freak!
And you know what? Maybe they're
right. Maybe I am a freak.
But I never asked for your help! Just go!
Get out!
Jeez, that was dramatic.
Ugh! Come on!
I'm not going anywhere. You can't make me.
Oh!
Dude, you're really heavy.
NEIL: I'm not speaking to
you. You can't make me.
Um, excuse me! Hello?
(SCREAMS)
They're in there, all right.
I can feel its clammy flesh!
Hello?
(GROANING)
(GASPS)
Help! Somebody, help me!
Let's burn them out!
We're all going to die!
(GROWLING)
Oh, my gosh.
Do you think this has got anything
to do with Norman?
Of course not.
Everyone, Iook!
Perry, do something!
Norman! Get down from there this instant!
You're supposed to be grounded!
You horrible old witch!
Is this what you want?
Necromancer!
This is all his doing!
Norman!
"Once upon a time, in a far-off Iand,
"there Iived a king and a queen
in a magnificent castle."
(LAUGHING MALICIOUSLY)
Why won't you Iisten to me?
Why are you doing this?
(SCREAMING)
Agatha Prenderghast of His Majesty's
province of Massachusetts,
on this day you have been arraigned
for the horrible crime of witchcraft
witnessed by those whose testimonies
have been heard.
You have, by this court,
been found guilty!
No!
And it is passed on you,
according to your grievous crimes,
execution!
(AGGIE SOBBING)
No! No!
Do you have anything to say for yourself?
I was only playing.
Aye! With fire!
You were speaking with the dead!
Wait! No! I'll not risk damnation
on these good people.
No, you can't do this!
I didn't do anything wrong!
You are to be taken to
the place of execution
where you will be hanged by the neck
until you be dead.
Stop!
Leave me alone or I'll make you sorry!
I'll make all of you sorry!
(GASPS)
How could you?
She was just a Iittle kid.
She was no different than me.
Keep away from me!
You must stop
the curse.
What?
You don't want to k*ll me?
You can speak to the dead.
To us.
To her.
We need you to read from the book
to send us all back to the grave.
But it didn't work!
It's a fairy tale!
Just a bedtime story.
That's it, isn't it?
A bedtime story, to keep a Iittle
girl asleep for another year.
And now you need my help because
I'm the only one who can read it to her.
Here's your book!
Try reading it yourself.
Why did you do it?
We were scared.
Of what?
Of her.
I believed we were doing what was right.
I was wrong.
Now, this is our punishment.
We thought we knew our way in Iife,
but in death,
we are Iost.
Please help us.
Every year, someone reads
the story at her grave.
Before me, it was Mr. Prenderghast,
and before him, there were others,
but the curse doesn't ever go away.
Nothing gets better. It's not enough.
What will you do?
Something nobody ever did before.
I've got to go talk to her.
(MALICIOUS LAUGHTER)
(ALL YELLING)
(ALL GASP)
Guys, guys! Under here, under here!
Mitch, Mitch, if we die tonight,
this may be the Iast chance I
get to tell you how I feel.
Uh, well, no, unless we get
brought back as zombies,
and then, technically, you'll have Ionger.
Norman?
Come on! This way!
You've got to be kidding me.
(ALL GASP)
(ZOMBIES GROANING)
You stay right where you are!
You may be dead already, but
I will still sh**t you!
Wait! (GASPS) Oh, my gosh.
Son! Step away from the zombies!
No, I won't.
Perry, calm down!
You're going to have a heart attack,
and then what are you going to do?
I'll come back and haunt Norman!
Maybe then he'll start Iistening to me.
No! No, you don't understand
what's happening here.
I spoke to them, and it's
not what you think.
The curse isn't about the
zombies hurting you,
it's about you hurting them.
I figured it out, and I know
a way to stop this.
He's in Ieague with them!
Let's hang him!
We can't hang him, stupid!
It's the 21st century!
Then Iet's burn him!
Can you stop being a mob
for just one minute?
Listen to me!
Get them before they eat us!
(ALL SHOUTING)
Leave him alone!
(ALL GASP)
(GASPS) Hand, Alvin. My hand.
Everybody, Iisten up!
You all need to stop trying
to k*ll my brother!
You're adults!
You stop it!
I know that this seems crazy.
Believe me, I am with you on that.
But I think he does actually know
what he's talking about.
AII night, he's been trying to save
you from the witch's curse.
Yeah! Yeah!
And all you want to do is burn and m*rder
stuff, burn and m*rder stuff.
Just burning and murdering.
Yeah, shame on every single one of you!
How dare you all?
So, they're not going to hurt us?
No.
Does it Iook Iike any of them
are trying to hurt you?
They're just people.
Well, at Ieast they used to be.
Just stupid people who should
have known better.
They did something unforgivable
because they were scared,
and they were cursed for it.
Now it's happening all over again.
Don't you get it? They were just Iike you.
But now it has to stop.
For good.
(SCREAMING SHRILLY)
(ALL SCREAMING)
Jeez, what is her problem?
Oh, Norman!
So, what do we do now?
(STAMMERING) I really don't know.
COURTNEY: Yes, you do, Norman.
You've got to get to that witch's grave.
But... But nothing! Listen to me, buster.
We didn't turn away
when Daleridge High was slaughtering
our volleyball team, did we?
I thought we did. No, we didn't.
I have cheered the uncheerable, Norman,
and I'm not Ietting you give up now!
Dad, could I borrow the car?
Excuse me?
FEMALE REPORTER: Officials are urging
people to panic and run...
(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
(SNIFFS)
(PEOPLE CLAMORING)
(HORNS BLARING)
Whoo, boy. The traffic tonight, huh?
Norman! Uh!
He's on my side of the seat.
She wants you to move over.
(MUMBLING)
Um, I heard that!
Mom, tell the zombie to stop
saying stuff about me.
Can you quit using the
"Z" word? (MIMICKING)
PERRY: So help me, I will
stop this car right now
if all three of you don't
quit it this instant!
(MUMBLING)
NORMAN: He says, take a Ieft here.
PERRY: We've already been this way!
We're going around in circles!
SANDRA: Maybe we should pull
over and ask someone.
Oh, right! You think maybe we
should stop at a graveyard
and dig up some other
18th-century corpses?
It's not a bad idea.
I wish I understood you.
(MUMBLES)
(GROANS)
Please don't tell me he needs
to use the bathroom.
Turn down there!
SANDRA: Oh, my. Do you think that's it?
PERRY: So, why are we here?
Someone has got to talk to her, Dad.
Yeah. Why is that person you, exactly?
(GASPS)
Oh, my goodness. Look out!
Mom! (SCREAMS)
Perry! Do something!
I am trying!
Kick it in the knothole!
Norman?
I'm okay, Mom!
Just wait for me here. Don't worry.
Be careful!
(GASPS)
Uh...
Hello?
AGGIE: You're not welcome here.
Go away.
I really need to speak with you.
Who are you?
I'm Norman. Norman Babcock.
You don't actually know
me, but I know you.
We're actually kind of
the same, you and I.
You're not dead.
Well, no, apart from that.
And you're a boy.
Well, yes. That, too.
You're not like me at all!
Well, I know how you feel.
No, you don't. You don't
know anything about me.
I know your name is Agatha Prenderghast.
What?
And I know you're probably tired, right?
Because, I mean, it's really Iate,
and it's been a Iong night,
and we're, Iike, only 11 years old, and...
I don't want to go to sleep,
and you can't make me.
(SCREAMING)
(GRUNTING)
I burned the book into dust.
Now I don't have to Iisten to
that stupid story anymore!
Leave me alone.
No. No, I'm not Ieaving.
Just Iisten to me.
Once upon a time,
Iong ago, there was a Iittle girl.
What?
A Iittle girl who was different...
Who was different from the other
people in her village.
I'm not Iistening!
She could see and do things that
no one could understand,
and that made them scared of her.
I don't Iike this story!
She turned away from everyone,
and became sad and Ionely,
and had no one to turn to!
Stop it!
But the more she turned away from people,
the more scared they were of her,
and they did something terrible!
They became so scared
that they took her away
and they k*lled her!
No!
But even though she was dead,
something in her came back.
Stop!
And this part of her, it wouldn't
go away. Not for 300 years!
Shut up!
And the Ionger it stayed, the Iess
there was of the Iittle girl.
(SHRIEKING)
I'll make you suffer!
Why?
Because... Because...
Because you want everyone to hurt
just as much as you are.
So, whenever you wake up,
you play this mean game,
but you don't play fair!
They hurt me.
So, you hurt them back?
I wanted everyone to see
how rotten they were.
You're just Iike them, Agatha.
No, I'm not!
You're a bully!
No, I'm not!
Ahh!
They did something awful,
but that doesn't mean you should, too.
AII that's Ieft in you now
is mean and horrible!
That's not true!
Then stop! This is wrong and you know it!
You spent so Iong remembering
the bad people
that you've forgotten the good ones.
There must have been somebody who
Ioved you and cared for you.
You don't remember them?
Leave me alone!
But you're not alone!
You have to remember!
Keep away from me!
Remember!
Aggie.
My name was Aggie.
I remember,
my mommy brought me here once.
We sat under the tree and
she told me stories.
They all had happy endings.
And then those horrible men
came and took me away,
and I never saw her again!
(GASPS)
(SOBS)
Sometimes when people get scared,
they say and do terrible things.
I think you got so scared
that you forgot who you are.
But I don't think you're
a witch. Not really.
You don't?
I think you're just a Iittle kid
with a really special gift
who only ever wanted people
to understand her.
So, we're not all that different at all.
But what about the people who hurt you?
Don't you ever want to make them suffer?
Well, yeah, but what good would that do?
You think just because there's
bad people out there,
that there's no good ones either?
I thought the same thing for a while,
but there's always someone
out there for you,
somewhere.
I just want my mommy.
I'm sorry, Aggie.
She's gone.
That story you were telling,
how does it end?
I think that's up to you.
Is this where they buried me?
It's a pretty good place to sleep.
Then you can be with your mom again.
(SIGHS)
Sleep tight.
Norman?
Norman!
My brave Iittle man!
I thought I was going to
Iose you. (KISSING)
Mom! You're embarrassing me.
That's my job. COURTNEY: Psst.
Good job, Norman.
Well done, son. You did it.
So, are we going to need statements?
No! Ow! That was my fingernail.
You know what it's Iike. You join a
mob and you say things. (CHUCKLES)
I was merely inhabiting the role.
Yeah, it was the others.
They pushed me into it.
Yeah, me and Norman are in
a Iot of the same classes.
We're pretty much inseparable best buds,
and we do a Iot of psychic
investigations together.
We have a blog, actually.
You should check it out.
So, I was thinking maybe we could
catch a movie sometime.
Nothing scary.
That sounds great, Kathy.
You know, you're going
to Iove my boyfriend.
He's, Iike, a total chick-flick nut!
Hey, Neil.
You did it! You stopped the witch's curse,
and made the zombies go away and
saved pretty much everything!
I guess.
I just wanted to say thanks.
You stood by me, all the time.
Yeah, of course! Don't
get weird or anything.
So, do you think now everything is
going to turn back to normal?
Well, as normal as it could be.
(SCREAMS) Oh!
Stop it!
MALE NEWS REPORTER: ...whose
lives have been ruined
by last night's mystery tornado.
But first, here's Mindy Rinager,
with a kitten on roller skates.
Son.
Hi, Dad.
What are you watching?
A scary movie.
Oh, yeah.
Um... you’re grandma here, is she?
Of course she is.
Um... is she uh, is she uh... sitting next to me?
Hi. mom.
So, what’s happening now?
(LAUGHING)
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