[theme music plays]
♪♪♪
[laughs] Oui. Oui.
No. Oh, not again.
[sighs]
Okay, again.
- [phone ringing]
- [moans]
Oh. Oh.
Oh, sh*t.
- [Jerry] Hello?
- Jerry, where have you been?
I'm sorry. I went to Gary's cabin
for a few days just to, you know,
be in nature and clear my head
and whatever, but you're
you're not going to believe
what happened, you know.
I was outside.
I was standing on the deck, reflecting,
you know, singing or whatever.
And, um, suddenly this gigantic
wild boar emerged
from the woods.
And it was just standing there
staring at me
and I didn't run away.
I stared at it back.
And I looked at it
right in the eyes.
And I said[snorts]
And then it looked at me
and it said[snorts]
And at that moment,
I realized that he was me.
And that I'm just one giant pig.
I'm just a giant beast.
And that's why
I'll never have Rebecca.
- [crying]
- Jerry
I'm afraid I'm a wild boar, too.
What?
The beast is in me, too.
What do you mean? What do you mean?
What do you mean?
What You mean San Francisco?
[whispering]
Oh, no Justine, Justine.
You have such a beautiful family.
Why did you do that?
sh*t. Stupid.
Stupid.
[humming]
Hey.
- [in French] How are you?
- How are you, honey? You slept well!
I almost slept too much.
I made Spanish breakfast.
Tortilla con patatas.
Albert is in his bedroom.
He's studying French with headphones on.
So I thought maybe
we could have a big cuddle?
Wait! Maybe I should go grab
a fresh baguette to go with the eggs?
Yeah. I think it's a good idea.
Justine, I know
I've been annoying recently.
I was so frustrated that I wasn't working.
I've been a d*ck.
But I'm feeling like
I'm coming back to life now.
I love you, you know?
Me too.
I booked an appointment for the cat.
- Monday at the vet.
- Already?
Well, yes.
Look how hard it is for him to move.
It's terrible. It's cruel to let him live.
♪♪♪
[meows]
[purrs]
I had a long conversation with
the people from Great Depot.
And?
Ideally, they want me to start April.
That's like in six weeks.
Are you going to move here?
I told them I still have
some things to wrap up first.
Yeah, of course.
Your whole life is over there.
Justine
I can't stay with her anymore,
in thisCómo se dice?
This pretending.
I can't stay with him, either,
but I'm so worried about Albert.
Hey, hey, take your time.
We have the whole future
ahead of us.
When the magic is gone,
Justine, it's gone.
There's no turning back.
I know.
[airport PA]
This is the final call for Flight 052
You have to go.
I'm going to miss you so much.
Not as much as me.
[in Spanish]
Don't know
what that means, but
You're the beautifulest blonde
of the world.
- [laughs]
- [chuckling]
[sighs]
♪♪♪
- Action.
- [Jason] Okay, action!
The fish incident, um,
made me think of being a kid
growing up in New York City
in the '80s, you know,
and hearing about
those kids who drew rectangles
when they were asked
to draw a fish.
And I just remember thinking,
what kind of parents do you have?
What kind of parents have never
given their kid a fish?
And then years later,
my own kid
[sighs]
- Cut.
- [exhales] Whoo!
- That was good.
- Yeah?
- Yeah. It was so good. I mean
- Okay, but,
just keep the camera still,
though, okay?
'Cause I don't like that handheld sh*t.
That's why I invested in
the 11 Pro Max.
It's a super steady camera.
Done.
I was just trying to go for, like,
you know, this Blair Witch vibe.
Yeah, but don't.
- All right, fine.
- Okay.
Hey, you know
what this reminds me of?
No, Jay.
My favorite South Park episode,
where he goes,
"Hey, do you like fish dicks?"
And the other guy goes,
"Yes, I do."
[laughing] And then
the other guy goes,
"What are you? A g*y fish?"
- 'Cause you were talking
- Okay.
- It's the fish story.
- Yeah, I got it. Let's move on.
- All right. Okay.
- Okay. Follow me.
[clears throat]
Do you want the camera on?
- No, I want the camera off.
- Okay.
Of course I want
the camera on, Jason.
- Okay. On.
- [camera video beeps on]
Chris!
Mom, look,
I'm doing a book report.
- Hi, what are you doing here?
- I'm doing a book report.
You let me in.
What are you talking about?
This is Chris.
He's the only dad who pays me
any child support,
and, uh, he's a lawyer.
He lives in Washington, DC.
Ell, I told you.
I don't want to be a part of this.
I'm here to talk about Sarah.
Off-camera.
- Turn it off. Please, man.
- I will.
[Jason]
God. Jeez.
How do you allow our 13-year-old
daughter to prance around like that?
Do you think it's easy being a single
mom to a teenager? Do you?
Ell, I have her four months
out of the year.
- Why is the screen still on?
- I don't know.
Jason, you're still
come on, man.
I don't know
how to work this thing.
- Hey.
- Hello!
Sir Gaga had a great breakfast.
He's in your room waiting for you.
Perfect.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- You look great.
- Oh, thank you.
Where's the, uh
where's the Black Forest ham?
You were the only one who ate it,
so I stopped buying it.
Uh, George.
Uh, just a heads up that, um
there's not going to be any more
money in our account next month.
What do you mean?
I'm not getting an allowance anymore.
Oh, come on, Anne.
You've got to stop fighting with her.
Your apartment will be paid up
until the end of April,
which is exactly when
I will be moving out at this place.
Just call her and apologize.
I'm done.
I am so done taking her money.
You understand the impact
that this is going to have
on everyone?
- Mm-hmm.
- Who's going to pay for Seb's school?
He'll go to public school like
90% of the kids in this country.
Okay.
- Hey, Mom.
- Yeah?
Gretchen wants to go
to the paintball party.
I'm ready.
Uh, do you think that's
a good idea in your condition?
I'm German.
We're very fatalistic.
I want to go.
All right.
[chuckles] We'll go.
Hey, what happened?
Are you okay?
[Kai]
Wow. The game yesterday
Okay.
- Oh my God, you're so big.
- Oh, I know.
And you know. [chuckles]
Hey, um,
I was reading that waiver again
and if they see this,
we're going to get fined. Just FYI.
Okay, enough
with the waiver, please.
You think a waiver
ever stopped Alfonso Cuarón?
Come on, guys.
We're on the brink of something.
2020's our year.
- Okay.
- Awesome.
It fits.
So take it off.
Now we're taking it off?
Yeah.
I just wanted to see if it fit.
- [chokes]
- Ooh.
- Ow!
- Sorry.
[Yasmin] Babe, I'm taking
the cooler to the car.
[Orion]
What's it feel like?
[Will]
It feels like this.
- [Orion] Oh!
- [Will] Right? It's not too bad.
- [Orion] Yeah.
- [Will] Not too bad.
I guess it depends
on how close you are.
- [phone buzzes]
- [Orion] Why aren't we going, already?
Listen, today's my son's birthday,
so you've got like five minutes.
Yeah. I just wanted to share
some good news with you.
We will no longer be needing
your services.
Your husband has been cleared.
Really?
But, you know,
I've been intercepting
some very suspicious
phone calls recently, from Qatar.
No, we know about Qatar.
It's a legit investor.
Case is closed.
Priorities have shifted.
You are officially
being terminated.
Terminated.
You're done.
Thank you for your service.
And, uh, I hope your son has fun
at paintball today.
While you're out,
might be a good idea
to stock up on hand sanitizer,
beans, pasta,
toilet paper,
cleaning products, and such.
Are you telling me to go food shop
and clean my house?
God, you guys are all the same.
At the end of the day,
we're all just
a bunch of housewives to you.
♪♪♪
I got a Tesla stock
for my birthday.
That's good,
'cause Tesla pays dividends.
Who's more rich,
Jeff Bezos or Elon Musk?
Elon Musk, for sure.
No, Bezos owns the world.
He just gave $10 billion
to save the planet.
Guys, come on. Elon Musk
is the rocket man, man.
Nobody's got more money
than that guy, except
I don't know,
maybe George Lucas.
I know George Lucas.
You know George Lucas?
- Yeah. The Star Wars guy.
- Yes, dude!
Is he awesome?
I've always imagined
he would be like
this really smart
kind of nerdy, cool, space dude.
Do you think I, like,
actually met him?
You don't you don't know him?
No. I've seen
all of his movies, like
Dude, I've just seen all his movies!
I thought you said you knew the guy.
- No. I
- You nearly gave me a heart attack.
About to totally nerd out with you,
and then you're like
I wish I knew George Lucas.
I'd bear hug that dude.
That's how much I love him.
I'd pretend
he was like a big Wookiee.
Just hug him.
You have no idea how happy
you've made him.
It was my baby's birthday.
- [sighs]
- [Martin] It was crazy.
It was an extremely
competitive situation.
I mean, come on.
We're talking about a new wing
at the car museum, right?
- [phone chimes]
- Even if technically
it's a small wing,
it's still huge.
I think initially there were
over 17 architects
that submitted their ideas.
I mean, ask Justine.
We never thought I would be chosen.
[in French] Isn't that right, Justine?
[in French] It was really about the time.
I mean
[in English] It was really about time
I mean, for him
to be recognized, his talent.
Yeah, no. It's fantastic.
You deserve it.
Thank you, man.
Thank you.
I'm going to check on my family
for a second.
- Yeah?
- Yeah. Good job.
[in French] Can you get off Insta
for a minute?
Yeah, yeah. This Instagram thing sucks.
I keep obsessing over it.
It's stupid.
[smooching]
Kiss.
[in English] Hey, everything okay?
He's a little bit nervous,
but I told him he doesn't have
to play if he doesn't want to.
Aw, is someone being
a little scaredy cat?
- What are you doing?
- It was a joke. I was joking.
- It's not funny.
- Come on, just try one round?
- [bus hits bump]
- Aw, f*ck! f*ck!
Just go back to your seat.
[laughs]
Oliver, what's wrong?
It's just that I don't like to lie.
Sweetie, you're not lying.
You're omitting. It's very different.
Come on, cheer up.
It's going to be fun.
[groaning, panting]
[in French]
What's wrong with that fat cow?
- She's pregnant.
- She's pregnant?
[in English] Gretchen, are you okay?
I think I may vomit.
[in French] What a nightmare!
[in English] Someone, a plastic bag?
Mayday, mayday!
Someone, a bag!
- Garbage bag.
- [vomits loudly]
- Oh my God!
- Plastic bag!
[in French]
- Oh, sh**t.
- [Anne] Gretchen.
Do you need some water?
Are you okay?
[Oliver]
Oh, my God, it stinks back here!
♪♪♪
Welcome to Bell Paintball.
My name is Troy and I'll be
taking care of your group today.
You guys excited for
some major paintball action?
- [all] Yeah!
- All right.
You guys chose my favorite field,
Now Apocalypse.
It's awesome.
Did everyone sign
the waiver we sent over?
- Yes.
- Right on.
Now make sure you leave
your iPhones, recording equipment,
anything like that
at base camp in the lockers.
Now I know everyone is
chomping at the bit to get started,
but I'd like to go over
a few basic rules before we start.
So please bear with me.
Rule number one:
never remove
your protective eyewear
when you're on the field of play.
If you see any other player
without it, yell "Blind man."
We'll take it from there.
- The son of my friend,
- [Troy] Rule number two:
- he lost an eye playing paintball.
- Know and respect the dead zone.
- What! Oh my God, really?
- Oui.
Rule number three:
a hit is a paint mark
nickel size or larger.
- Ew! Look.
- Please do not wipe off the paint
and keep playing.
That is considered cheating
and will result
in immediate elimination.
Paintball is not the only action
happening here.
- [whispers] Ew!
- [Troy] Do we have any questions?
- It's safe sex.
- [man] Nope.
It's probably Troy's.
[chuckles]
He looks like such a fool
in that doomsday cowboy hat.
- Ugh.
- [laughs]
Okay, we got
eight smalls for the boys.
We're playing
parents versus kids, correct?
- [murmurs of agreement]
- All right, parents,
let me know if you're playing
and please save me
from guessing your sizes.
I don't want anyone to sh**t me.
[laughs]
- I'm a small.
- [Troy] Small.
XL for me, man.
Uh, medium for me,
large for her.
[Troy] Large.
- [in French] Don't you wear small?
- It depends on the brand.
[in English] Uh, I need a medium.
Small.
[Troy] Come on up, people.
You don't have to have to play,
you know?
Yeah. I know,
but I should probably
play one round.
I promised my dad.
I needed to understand
who I was outside of my marriage.
It was just
[inhales deeply]
so stupid to ask
for a trial separation.
For me, the marriage,
It's like, um,
a living organism, you know?
It's always changing,
always evolving.
Right now,
between me and Justine,
it's like a new start.
It's like I'm falling in love
with her again.
When did that happen?
Um, last Monday.
Oh. Sorry.
All right, buddy.
Here's a little dad advice,
Look at me.
Always keep the camera running.
- Okay.
- It's like an Eastwood thing.
That way you'll never miss a shot.
All right, that looks good,
that's perfect.
- Okay.
- Do you see mine?
- Yeah.
- Okay. Is it on?
- I think it's on.
- Red button.
Oh, the red button, cool.
[high-pitched beeping]
How do you say, 'Rambo'?
- [French accent] Rambo.
- [copies him] Rambo, of course.
- Rambo.
- Rambo. [imitates g*nf*re]
[imitates g*nf*re]
- How do I look?
- Like a k*lling machine.
- Awesome.
- Hey, am I allowed
to say that
I'm a little bit excited?
I'm excited, too.
Oh, my God, Yasmin,
you look great in those coveralls.
That whole black Persian thing?
It's like you were made for w*r.
And you look great
as an imperialist.
I'm going to go get Orion.
I don't think
she liked that very much.
Oops.
My God.
Gretchen looks like a zombie.
[laughs] Okay, let's go to w*r.
Come on.
Let's go.
["Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor plays]
♪♪♪
[Troy] Ready?
Game on.
Rising up,
back on the street ♪
Did my time,
took my chances ♪
♪♪♪
Went the distance,
now I'm back on my feet ♪
Just a man
and his will to survive ♪
♪♪♪
- Go, go.
- So many times ♪
- It happens too fast ♪
- You guys,
one of them's behind that truck.
Okay, I'm going in.
- Wait, stop, stop, stop, stop. Stop.
- What?
The GoPro stopped working again.
Just go somewhere and fix it.
- Right now?
- Yeah. Go, go, go.
- [paintball pings]
- Ow.
sh*t. I'm dead.
- Already? God, Jesus.
- Yeah.
[Oliver]
You shot my dad! Awesome.
I know! I got him! Let's go.
of our rivals ♪
And the last known survivor ♪
Wait, wait, wait,
where are you going?
Dude. Help help me up.
Just go figure it out.
with the eye ♪
- Of the tiger ♪
- Okay.
Uh
I'm dead.
[barrage of paintballs hits wood]
They stack the odds
'til we take to the street ♪
- Ow!
- [whispers] sh*t. Poor baby.
- [groans]
- What's happening?
Why did you jump up?
I had your tummy.
Why did you jump up?
[Albert]
Orion. Are you okay?
Where did you get hit?
The first kid dead
on my birthday.
- It's not fair.
- [groans]
- Just walk it off.
- [sighs]
Watch out. Watch out.
With the eye ♪
Of the tiger ♪
What are you doing?
We're on opposite teams.
I'm gonna have to sh**t you.
Go.
Dad, I'm all tired and sweaty
and I don't want to play anymore.
Don't be a mama's boy.
We're all sweaty. Come on.
- I hate this stupid game!
- Sebastian
I just want to eat the cake!
Sebastian, I was joking.
Seb. Ay yi yi.
The eye of the tiger ♪♪
Here you go.
Need anything else? No?
Okay.
[sighs]
- I'm so tired.
- Hmm.
How are you doing?
Fine.
- [sighs]
- Hey, Mom.
- Can I ask you a question?
- Sure.
Am I
g*y for sure?
You are who you are.
[chuckles]
I think you're perfect.
Thanks, Mom.
I love you so much.
I love you.
I love you so much more.
- [kisses]
- [both laugh]
I need you to film me
jumping off that car.
The harness is loose, Mom.
- What do you mean? What?
- [grunts]
Oliver, you need to sh**t her!
Even if she's your mom!
Oh, my God.
Is that a GoPro?
- No!
- It's against the rules!
- We're going to get disqual whoa.
- Don't sh**t.
Do not sh**t me.
Don't sh**t me.
Okay.
- Have you guys seen Orion?
- No.
What are you doing?
What is that?
- Nothing.
- What are you
Is that what I think it is, Ell?
Seriously?
Look, I promise
I'll blur the faces, okay?
[gasping] Orion's in
the birthday tent icing his
Someone shot him in the privates
five minutes into the game.
Who?
I don't know.
- God dammit.
- Oliver, come on.
Mom! Come on!
Okay, just go.
- [Will] Yasmin!
- sh*t.
- [Justine] Martin!
- Eh?
[in French] It's you?
What the f*ck are you doing?
We are on the same side!
- [fires shot]
- [exclaims]
f*ck! You k*lled me!
- [inhales unsteadily]
- [fires again]
What are you doing? f*ck, that hurts!
That really hurts! Okay, I'm dead!
If you're still talking,
you're not dead yet.
f*ck, that really hurts!
I'm not playing anymore. sh*t!
- [cries out]
- Oh my God, Justine!
Honey, are you okay?
Do you need me
to call a medic, Justine?
Why are you screaming?
I'm not deaf, it's my knee.
- What?
- Oh!
- It's her knee.
- [moaning]
Oh, it's her knee.
[groaning] Ow!
Please. [groaning]
So sorry. Are you okay?
♪♪♪
[in German] Now he lays it for you.
♪♪♪
- [in French] Is the ice helping?
- A little bit.
Can you hear the beeping?
- No.
- There's a beep.
- f*ck!
- No, I can't hear it.
f*ck.
My tinnitus is unbearable
with all this sh**ting.
I have a constant
high-pitched sound in my ear.
They probably f*cked up my hearing
with their sh*t game.
[in English] How could you do that to him?
Uh[sighs] It it wasn't me.
Okay, it was,
but it was an accident.
I was trying to protect him.
Get him out of there before
he jumped up.
I didn't mean to hit him there.
Will, I'm so sorry, honey.
I'm not the one you need
to be apologizing to.
I want to come home.
I miss my family.
No, honey, no.
I promise you we'll always
be a family.
But things are going
to be different.
[radio announcer]
The NASDAQ ends the day flat.
[snoring]
Look, 200,000 views,
and I just posted it this morning.
Didn't I tell you our lives
were about to change. Huh?
Yeah, you did. Look at that.
They love the dude in the tent.
That's awesome.
Everybody loves the dude
in the tent, I guess.
Yeah, they do.
- Stop.
- I thought you were leaning in for me.
Stop. Come on, Jason.
I spent my birthday party
icing my ba*ls.
[laughs]
"Saving Orion's privates."
- [laughing]
- Nice.
Cheer up, man.
I got some great stuff
of you fighting
at the beginning.
This was
the worst birthday party ever.
I mean,
you're not wrong about that.
We spent your whole birthday
playing the stupidest game.
Exactly, you think
you're ever going to have to
fight for your life
in an apocalypse?
Come on.
Who knows?
I hadn't held a g*n I mean,
I had never
held a g*n before.
No more twists and turns, Yasmin.
[newscaster]
to hammer out the old deal.
- Ron, over to you.
- Thanks, Elaine.
[in French] Martin, I wanted to tell you
that I'm really happy for your job,
for you
- [shushing]
- [newscaster] to prepare for this virus
- [in English] Driver!
- to become widespread
- in the United States.
- Driver, can you put
- the volume up?
- The CDC has reported
three more patients have
tested positive for Coronavirus,
including one that has died.
It's raised concerns
that Coronavirus
is spreading in ways
that are hard to control.
The CDC is sending
a team of experts
to support the investigation
in Washington.
[in French] There you go, see?
Who has been talking about
Coronavirus for a month?
Martin, I can't take it anymore.
I'm leaving you.
[in English] response has begun.
There are now new cases
in Washington State,
Oregon, and California.
This is the first reported US death
from Coronavirus.
These three bring the total number
of coronavirus cases
detected through
the US Public Health System to 22.
The federal government will continue
to respond aggressively
to this rapidly
evolving situation.
["Livin' Thing" by ELO plays]
♪♪♪
Sailin' away
on the crest of a wave ♪
It's like magic ♪
Ah, rollin' and ridin'
and slippin' and sliding ♪
It's magic ♪
♪♪♪
And you ♪
And your sweet desire ♪
You took me ♪
Oh ♪
Higher and higher, baby ♪
♪♪♪
It's a livin' thing ♪
♪♪♪
It's a terrible thing to lose ♪
It's a givin' thing ♪
What a terrible thing to lose ♪
♪♪♪
I'm takin' a dive! [echoes]
♪♪♪
Dive! [echoes]
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
Making believe
this is what you've conceived ♪
From your worst day ♪
I'm takin' a dive ♪
Ah, moving in line
when you look back in time ♪
To the first day ♪
I'm takin', I'm takin' ♪
And you ♪
And your sweet desire ♪
Don't you do it
Don't you do it ♪
You took me, oh ♪
Higher and higher, baby ♪
♪♪♪
It's a livin' thing ♪
♪♪♪
It's a terrible thing to lose ♪
It's a givin' thing ♪
♪♪♪
What a terrible thing to lose ♪
♪♪♪
I'm takin' a dive! [echoes]
♪♪♪
All the same ♪
♪♪♪
Hey! [echoes]
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