01x10 - Lip Wax

[bunniefuu]

[theme music plays]

♪♪♪

Marco!

Polo!

- Wow!

- How do they do that?

[overlapping greetings]

Wait. This is amazing.

Elbows. You guys are so silly.

[gasps] Welcome

to my first pool party.

Everything looks so beautiful,

Anne.

Thank you. Where's Orion?

Seb's waiting for him.

Oh, he's excited.

He's already changing.

- Oh, good.

- This is great.

Oh, you guys have to get in.

You know

it's going up to 90 today.

- All right? In February. Crazy.

- I'm going in for sure.

[chuckles] This one has

his trunks on under his shorts.

I didn't bring my suit,

but now this is so gorgeous,

I think I'm going

to go back and get it.

- Oh, you have to.

- Oh, my God.

Wait, are those

little neighbor boys?

Oh, yeah. I feel so bad.

The months of noise

they endured for this.

Ooh, poor things.

Go get a drink.

- Marco!

- Polo!

Oh, it's hot today, huh?

Yeah.

But our hose is busted.

Oh, no.

- Want to go swimming?

- Really?

Yeah, of course.

Come on in.

- Marco!

- Polo!

♪♪♪

Okay. You nervous?

[gasps] Anne! Hi.

Okay, so meet Gene,

my boyfriend.

Oh, Gene.

Famous Gene.

- Mm-hmm.

- "Boyfriend."

She makes me

feel like I'm 15 again.

Oh, stop.

What do you want me to call you?

Oh, I don't know.

How about lover?

Oh my god, yes.

Hmm. Lover.

- Lover. Lover. [laughs]

- Well!

It is so nice to finally meet you.

- Yes.

- Huh? Oh, oh, yes.

Well, uh, likewise, likewise.

Uh, how is that lousy husband

treating you now?

Oh.

Oh. Well,

thank you so much for this.

Come on in,

make yourself at home.

I hope that's okay.

We're managing Gene's sugar intake.

Cardiologist is giving me sh*t

about my sweet tooth.

- Oh, my goodness.

- Don't you even think about it.

- Justine! [gasps]

- How are you?

- Mwah.

- Mwah.

So, meet Gene, finally.

- My lover.

- Gene, nice to meet you. Hi.

Oh. [laughs] How do you do?

So nice to meet you.

I'm Justine.

- Justine.

- Yes.

You wouldn't

happen to know if

there's any naproxen in the house,

would you?

- Naproxen?

- It's for his joints.

Yeah. They get very stiff.

If there's rain in the forecast, yeah.

Well, it helps kick in

the Viagra too. [laughs]

Okay. St Hey!

Let me try. Oof.

Okay. Naproxen.

Do you have any naproxen?

Naproxen? I do. I do.

It's a medicine. For joints.

- Wait for the naproxen.

- [both giggle]

- [in French] How are you?

- [in French] Fine.

- What's happening?

- Joan is a nurse, now?

No, it's her boyfriend.

They met on Hinge, idiot.

What's Hinge? A senior home?

Martin!

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you

I can't stay very long.

Monday is my deadline

for my thing for the car museum,

- so I have to go work.

- Yes. Yeah, sure.

I don't even know if it's worth trying.

Yes of course, try for it, Martin.

It's super important. Go ahead.

- All right, so I'll see you later?

- Yes.

Oh, so I'm going to try

to get Gretchen

to eat something finally.

- How's she feeling?

- Oh, not very good.

She just sleeps all day.

Never leaves her room.

Really? Did she decide

what she's going to do?

Is she going to keep it?

Uh, it's kind of delicate.

God, no father.

Yeah.

Uch. The kids

drank all the La Croix.

I know. I know. I texted Ell.

She's going to bring some.

Is she on her way?

Well, her sh**t went over time.

Her sh**t?

- [laughs]

- What is she doing?

[laughing] Oh, my God.

So George is here.

Does that mean

the trial separation is over?

No, it just means he's the only one

who knows how to use the grill.

Yes. Right.

[laughs]

Oh, my goodness.

- Here you go.

- Thank you. Fabulous.

All righty.

[Anne knocks on door]

Knock, knock.

- Hmm.

- I brought you some food.

I can't possibly eat.

All right.

Well, I'll just leave it here

and you can have it later.

[groans]

How are you feeling?

Everything smells like a toilet.

Fruit salad?

Yeah. Have some,

it'll give you energy.

You know, when I was, um,

pregnant with Seb

Mm-hmm.

the only thing I could

tolerate were berries.

The website said my baby

is now the size of a blueberry.

Oh.

Miracle of life. [chuckles]

Well, you know,

it's not really a baby.

It's just a cluster of cells, so

[nervous chuckle]

- Anne.

- Yeah?

Was there no La Croix?

No. Sorry.

I'll, um I'll get you

some ginger ale.

Hmm.

But I want La Croix!

[sloppy electric guitar chords]

[guitar chords continue]

My mom is trying to use Avid

like a pro.

Stop. Stop. Oliver, keep it down.

I can't I can't focus.

I can't. Stop. Stop.

It's Radiohead, Mom.

Uh, yeah. Does not sound

like Radiohead, but

[fast strumming]

Oliver, I just told you to stop.

What is wrong with you?

I can't live with you anymore!

I want to go live with my dad!

- Oh, okay. Be my guest.

- Uh-oh.

- That's awesome. Come on.

- Wait, Mom. I can't see.

Turn around.

Turn around. Mom. I can't see.

No. Daddy! It's daddy time.

Come on, come on, come on.

News flash, buddy.

Your son's moving in. Bye!

[laughs] Mom,

I got the whole thing.

- I got the whole thing on video.

- Can I see? Can I see?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- I want to see.

[Oliver on video]

I want to go live with my dad!

Okay. Uh, Mom. Maybe add a little

music after the 'be my guest'.

- Okay. Uh..

- Here. Let me. Let me.

- Okay.

- I'm better at this than you.

I want to go live with my dad!

- Yeah. Be my guest!

- Uh oh.

[dramatic music plays on video]

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Leave it like that. That's good.

You're good.

You're good at this.

Thank you. I mean, I used to

watch a lot of reality TV.

It's crap, but it sells.

- [kisses]

- [groans] Mom.

Wake up. News flash.

Your son's moving in.

Come on. Daddy time.

I think we have a hit.

Yeah. We did it.

Good job.

Keep your eye on him

though, honey, because

He knows how to swim.

He'll be okay.

I know, but these neighbor boys

are doing cannonballs right now.

One of them could, like,

jump on his head,

knock him unconscious.

He could drown.

Everyone dies, mom.

Honey, I don't mean

Just stay close to your father.

Okay? Now have fun.

Everyone dies.

[Justine] I mean,

they're really behind the book

because otherwise

they wouldn't send me

to that book fair in

San Francisco.

[Anne] That's amazing.

I'm so happy for you.

[Justine] I know. Imagine me

giving an interview.

Oh, come on.

You're gonna be amazing.

- It looks nice.

- It's very impressive.

[Anne] It's so great.

Yeah, my wife, the famous chef.

Now doing a book.

Well, you know,

now it feels real.

Like it's not on my computer

anymore, or my in my head.

Yeah. Oh, and the lighting.

So gorgeous.

Yeah.

It's very David Hamilton.

No,

But, you know, I'm really I'm

really not sure about that cover.

What? Look how sexy you are!

- Look at the legs!

- [Martin] That's a good picture.

- It's so retouched.

- That's that's a great photo.

It's the best photo of you ever.

[in French] Thank you Photoshop!

- [in English] Yeah.

- Amazing.

Hey, hey.

Can I get you guys anything?

Oh, I'm fine.

The burger was very good.

Oh, well. It was the grill.

Have you guys tried

his pizza de la resistance?

- [laughs]

- No. What is it?

It's pizza. Yeah.

Yasmin. You want anything?

Do you want a burger?

Oh. Anne, did you remember

those gluten-free buns?

[gasp] Oh, my God.

I'm so sorry. I forgot.

No. It's okay, I'm not really

that hungry anyway.

I think I'm going to go home

and get my suit

and get in with these guys.

- Okay. Bye, honey.

- Okay. Bye.

- Anne?

- Yeah.

Can I talk to you for a second?

Sure.

Sounds serious.

[loud splash]

Those f*cking kids. I'm wet.

So, uh, what's up?

I stashed some joints

in the flour canister.

Did you smoke them?

I threw them away.

[laughs]

Why would you do that?

Because! I don't want that stuff

in my house anymore.

Okay.

Yeah,

I'm trying to be present.

Hi, Maria. Can you meet me

on the corner of Amoroso and Linden

in 20 minutes, please?

And bring my bathing suit,

you know, the one

with the flowers? Gracias.

[phone dings]

What is this all about?

I just go from point A

to point B.

[sighs] Great.

[sighs]

I have less than 15 minutes.

Oh, there you go.

That's my grandson.

- He plays shortstop.

- Hmm.

It's right between second

and well, anyway.

He's about your age,

but he's very into baseball.

Just like his grandpa.

You play sports?

Well, I tap dance.

Are you some kind of h*m*?

You can't say

that word anymore.

Oh, um, then, poof?

You can't say poof.

All right. Um, p*nsy?

Oh, fairy?

How old are you?

Just ask for a lip wax.

Classy.

[in Korean] Hi.

[in Korean] Hello.

[in English] I'm here for a lip wax.

[in Korean] Thank you.

Yasmin.

How's it going

with the translations?

Fine.

I mean, I'm a little bored,

but I'm sure my cousin

has filled you in on that.

Yeah. Well, sometimes the carpet

isn't just a carpet.

Yeah. In this case,

the carpets so far,

they are in fact just carpets.

Oh.

[laughs] Nice.

Haven't seen one of these

in a while.

You'd think they'd have

upgraded by now.

Testing one, two,

Roger, Wilco. [laughs]

It's just a pen.

Yeah.

So a carpet isn't always a carpet,

but a pen is

always just a pen, right?

Oh.

Anyway, what is this?

I I have

a party to get back to.

Can you confirm that you are

married to William A. Carlson?

What does that

have to do with carpets?

Is Will Carlson your husband?

I mean, I've been extremely discreet.

He has no idea about anything.

Has his, uh, behavior changed

in any way lately?

What is this about?

We have reason to believe

that your husband

is involved

in international espionage.

[laughs] My husband Will?

You're when he's not coding,

he's drafting

his fantasy football team.

Oh my God. You're serious.

So what, the carpets have

all just been a test

to see how compliant I am?

Partly.

Look, we're well aware that

this is a really delicate situation.

Do you happen to know

who your husband

sold his company to

in the second quarter of 2019?

It was an Israeli company,

an acronym.

I always want to say N-K-O-T-B,

but it was a legitimate company

and not a boy band.

N.D.O.

Our client suspects the N.D.O Group

sold your husband's software

to the Saudi Arabian government

who in turn,

used your husband's code

to track and surveil

the phone

of a covert operative.

And?

And the operative was found

poisoned in Madrid.

Whew. I got food poisoning

once in Barcelona.

[in Spanish]

Chemical nerve agent.

The operative died

drowning on his own fluids.

That's not good. Who did

you say your clients were again?

We didn't.

We've been tasked

with investigating

the nature of

your husband's involvement

in the compromising

of said operative's phone.

Well, I can't imagine

you'll find anything.

Do you happen to know

if your husband

has had or is scheduled to have

any dealings

with members

of the royal family of Saudi Arabia?

[scoffs] No, he didn't.

He hasn't. Of course not.

You recognize this man?

No.

That's Abdul Jemiah, member

of the house of Saoud, with his son.

Did you guys have fun at least?

What did you do?

We met a kid.

He has a pet tiger.

And he's a prince.

He graduated Stanford in 1996

and he spends a lot of time

in the tech industry

up in Palo Alto.

Yes. My husband was up there recently

for a conference with our son.

I don't see what this proves.

They're what?

Having ice cream in a mall?

Frozen yogurt.

Either way, this is not

necessarily espionage-related.

I mean, he told me about this.

They had just met.

Look, we tell each other everything.

Okay? There are no secrets.

Oh, so then your husband's aware

of your activities

between 1999 and 2003?

Look, I don't discuss

my intelligence work with anybody.

Really? Not even Rob Betts?

The Fulbright scholar

with whom you had

a sexual relationship in late 2002?

You talked to Rob Betts?

Did you?

Okay. As much as

I would love to discuss

the details of

my past relationships

in the back room

of a low rent nail salon,

I should probably

get back to my family.

They'll start to worry

if I'm gone too long.

Betts was a penetration agent.

Yeah, he sure was.

He was a mole.

Be a shame if your connection

to him was revealed.

I don't think there'd be that

much sympathy for a Muslim woman

trading in national secrets

in this climate.

Okay. What is it

that you want for me?

If your husband has zero involvement

in these matters,

there will be no proof.

Man of a thousand envelopes.

By the way, is he mute?

Yes. He is.

It goes into

your husband's computer port.

You'll need to

download it every day.

It gives us access to his drives

and allows us

to monitor his interactions.

Monitor?

Yes.

So you want me

to spy on my husband?

Yasmin, this will be a lot safer

for your husband

if you take the lead on this.

Do the job and we'll keep quiet

about the Betts connection.

Yeah. Right.

[in Korean] Goodbye.

[clears throat] Nice.

Here we go.

Here we go. Ready?

Put him on. Put him on.

Gene, meet Sir Gaga.

Oh, oh!

- Oh my God.

- [giggles]

Don't you miss him?

Oh, it all kind of

fell into place.

Yeah, I got my crib downtown

but pick up Sebastian

from school twice a week.

We hang out here. We have dinner.

He goes to sleep

and then I go out for a drink

or you know, play a gig. Da, da, da.

You know, like the other day,

I met a friend from college at 10:00.

We were out until 3:00.

Sebastian comes over

every other week for a sleepover.

He loves it!

It's f*cking awesome!

Sounds exhausting.

But you're still young.

Yeah. I could never

be away from my kid.

- That's for sure.

- These could use another minute.

Maria! Why are you

always so good to us?

Because you're like my family.

Aw. Well, I appreciate you always

taking such good care of us.

And thank you for the raise,

Yasmin.

Oh, of course. You deserve it.

All right. I'm going

to head in here to this party.

Thanks for the suit!

[music, chattering]

[indistinct chatter]

[indistinct whispering]

There's poop everywhere!

[laughs]

[both laugh]

- He's the he's in the shirt!

- He's going!

- Oh, wait.

- [laughing]

Ah, sh*t.

I burned the pizza.

It's okay, dude.

Don't worry about it.

- Yeah. I could never do that.

- Hey, I didn't

I didn't see you come back.

- Man, I ruined the pizza.

- I left the LaCroix on the table.

You know, I'm going to get

in with you, sweetheart.

- Sorry we're so late!

- Pool party!

Oliver, sunblock.

Remember Aunt Sophie.

Did she die? No, she didn't.

- Sarah, put that back on, please.

- Mom, it's itchy!

- We agreed on the blue one piece.

- I couldn't find it!

Cover up on now, Sarah,

or I'm not filming you.

[chattering]

[Anne] Ell.

Put the camera down.

- Come on!

- Okay. I'm so sorry.

I didn't realize I had

to ask a friend permission

to film my kids swimming.

I mean, come on, Anne.

You're our only friend

with a pool, and the poor guys,

they caught molluscum

at the Y last summer.

I feel terrible for them.

I know, but you're gonna

post this, aren't you?

- I'm not. I promise.

- Yes, you are.

I swear. I'm not.

It's just for the memories.

It's for the dads.

God.

Okay, guys.

One, two, three. Jump!

♪♪♪

Hi, I'm Ell.

I'm a single mom

to three amazing kids

here in beautiful sunny

Los Angeles!

This is our apartment.

'Sup.

This is Puddles, our beloved dog.

He's very friendly.

[giggling]

[chanting]

He's doing his thang

Mom, my friends

are going to see this!

Kai, sit! Thi

Sarah, come on!

This is our family.

This is our life. And it's

[all] Priceless!

Don't forget to like us

and subscribe.

So you can hang out

with the weirdest family

on YouTube!

Okay, so

I think I just found somebody

famous for your Instagram,

but I don't

remember her name.

A lot of questions

about the dessert.

She's from, like,

this movie when I was a kid,

had a werewolf in it.

She's French. I know that.

Julie Delphine?

Oh! Julie Delpy.

She used to be great.

Where is she?

Um, table 10.

- All right.

- Thanks.

[in French] Good evening, Julie.

I wanted to see if you enjoyed

your seabass with sorrel butter.

- [in French] Do we know each other?

- Well, no.

Because you called me

by my first name, so

I'm sorry. I

I love your movies

and I'm the the chef here. I'm the chef.

- [in English] What's going on?

- [Julie] Uh, she's the chef.

Do you mind switching to English?

I just can't stand

when French people do that.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Uh, the sea bass was delicious.

[sighs]

Oh, I'm so happy you liked it.

But I ordered it without the butter.

- She can't have butter.

- I can't have butter.

Oh.

Well, the whole dish is really

about the sorrel butter.

Sorry.

What about the potatoes?

She can't have carbs.

I can't have carbs.

Oh,

Well, you're you're getting

ready for a role.

You have to lose weight?

No.

No, but she'll be getting ready

for one soon.

And she was this close to playing

Leonardo's mother last year.

I was this close.

This close.

Anyway, if you want to tag my fish,

please do,

uh, on your Instagram.

She doesn't handle

her Instagram.

I don't handle my Instagram.

I try to stay away

from looking at myself.

I abhor solipsism.

But I will tell my publicist.

Okay, well, if your publicist

can, you know,

tag me and tag the fish

with or without the butter,

my handle is the thing with

[in French] "Just the Justine."

[in English] Do you want me

to write it down?

No. I got it.

[in French] Goodbye.

[in French] Goodbye.

♪♪♪

[exhales heavily]