01x05 - That Reminds Me, I Almost Got Assassinated Once

[bunniefuu]

What if you played professional baseball?

Come on. You could earn millions just
by throwing ba*ls 1,000 miles an hour.

With magic.

I always hated those baseball players
back in high school.

-They acted like they were hot stuff.
-How about--

Granted, I understand how hard they worked
all day, under that scorching sun.

I totally get it.

They put in the hard work every day.

Uncle.

I get it because I also put in
the same amount of work.

For six years, I spent every day
honing my skills in Alien Soldier.

I'm surprised
this guy even survived high school.

Apologize
to those baseball players right now.

UNCLE:
YOU'RE FINE THE WAY YOU ARE

GET HOME

SOLD CHEAPER THAN A SCOURING PAD

JUNE, 2018

I find baseball terms

to be way more unsettling
compared to other sports, you know?

Oh, yeah. Kind of like dead ball
or sacrifice.

-Strike outs. Oh, and pick offs.
-All that.

It reminds me,
that time I was almost assassinated.

-What?
-What? Geez. Talk about a curve ball.

Icuras elran.

I remember I was exhausted
after just finishing a dungeon.

Hmm?

Hold on. Isn't that…

I think I saw them
when you broke the barrier in Luvaldram.

I saw them
when you were with Elf too.

Oh, man. You're right.

So you did have
someone stalking you.

Think so?

I have him.

Huh?

Oh, Mabel.

Hey. What's up?

Oh.

I've been just grand since you defeated
the legendary blaze dragon

without the god-freezing sword,

and I lost my ancestral duty
to protect it.

I've honestly never been better.
Thank you so much.

You're my favorite hero. Thank you!

Oh, that's awesome.
It was worth the hard work then.

Yes. Yes!

He's not picking up on the sarcasm.

Oh, no! Mabel's life is totally spiraling
out of control because of what he did!

Why?
Why didn't you take the sword?

I can sense it.

Things are always trying to k*ll me,
like I'm inside a Psikyo game.

But I don't really sense
any murderous intent here.

Actually, you look pretty pale.
Have you been eating enough?

I can't do it because you saved
our village from the blaze dragon.

Mabel just kind of
passed out on me.

So I took her to the inn.

Don't drag her.

Hmm.

Where am I?

You're at the inn. Here.

Hey, didn't you say that
you were going to be a shut-in at home?

When I got home,
my house was stripped down.

The village elder told me
to pay for my own room and board.

MABEL - MANU

It was that, or they'd banish me.

Oh, man. That's really cold.

It was all their
built-up resentment towards the Ice clan.

Well, so, what did you end up choosing?

I froze the villagers' feet
to the ground,

and dripped freezing water
down all their necks.

Ugh. Everyone?

All 108.

I respect the commitment.

But I can't go home.

Why do you hate
the idea of working that much?

It's just…

Being a florist
always surrounded by flowers,

or a baker always getting
to try new cakes,

or always cuddling dolls
at the doll store.

I can't handle such grueling labor.

It'd k*ll me.

How's any of that grueling?

Those jobs aren't
intense at all.

I get it.

Working in an office every single day,
getting drinks with coworkers afterward…

I can't imagine doing all that.

So Uncle's nightmare is
just having a job?

I guess life was easier
back then.

LIFE WAS ROUGH BACK THEN TOO

But now, I live my life
as a wild, bold adventurer.

It's the only job that could help me
find a way back to my own world.

Amazing.

I wish that I could have a goal like that.

Hmm? Amazing?
Well, you are talking

to the man who speed ran Alien Soldier
in 30 minutes back home, okay?

Aw. Is that really good?

Oh, absolutely.

I use everything I learned
in games to help me on my adventures.

-Hmm. Did he say his own world?
-So, if you've been a guardian

your entire life, you could earn a living
using the god-freezing sword.

I mean, freezing their feet was
pretty impressive.

Uh, a guardian like me using
the god-freezing sword?

-But for the last 400 years--
-Like I said, who cares what they say?

It's your life.

You should do whatever you want.

Being brave enough
to be our truest self is real strength.

You still remembered that?

Okay, then. Maybe I'll look for a way
to completely break the ice seal.

Oh, I went to the powa-powa blossoms
on Mount Marchid afterwards,

but nothing happened.

Oh, really?

The sealing ice is
deeply connected to my heart.

I think maybe if I strike out on my own,
I'll be less gloomy.

It might just work.

Gloomy?

You seem very nice and happy to me.
You're not gloomy.

I-- I am, though.

The villagers would always tell me
I was sad and depressing.

See, my eyes are always puffy.

That's not true. You're just fine.

You're super fun to talk to,

and your eyes are like Heather
from Dynamite Headdy.

-You know?
-No, what are you--

What are you saying?

Oh, I forgot. The ring.

Huh?

It'll support you
for the rest of your life.

I wanted to take responsibility
for ruining your livelihood, you see?

Please take it.

What? Rest of my life? What?

What the hell
is this old man doing?

Well, that's twice.

You were sleeping when I put it on.

Oh! But, um-- Uh, sorry.

I really admire you, but not in that way.

I can't accept this from you.

I hope you understand. I'm very sorry.

Look at the sword!

The ice
in her heart must have melted!

I insist. Take it.

Oh! No, I can't.

Wait, I-- I turned it down, didn't I?
Wait. Hold on.

I don't understand. I said, "No."

Wait. Didn't I say "no"? I thought I did.

-What happened?
-I found it.

Today, while I was in the dungeon.

It must've been fate or something, right?

They say there are
only seven cosmite rings in the world.

-Uh…
-Please accept it.

It's too valuable.

By the way, it's already so late.

-You should stay the night.
-Huh?

Yeah. The bed is too cramped
for two people.

But the Elf should have a room.

-I'll ask if you can stay with her.
-Excuse me?

Huh?

Could you lend me some money
for the public bathhouse?

It's been a long time
since I've had a bath.

Why? Do you smell?

You do smell kinda earthy,
but it's not bad!

Don't sniff me, please! Stop it!

Besides, if you really need money
for a bath, you can just sell the ring.

Huh? Sell it?

Oh, yeah.

Like I said earlier,
it will support you the rest of your life.

Just sell it.

Oh.

What's up, orc face? It's nighttime.

What kind of nasty little orc things
are you getting up to in here?

Do you want-- Do you want me
to help you fall asleep? Huh?

I guess I'm not good enough for him.

Hey, Elf. Give me a hand, will you?

I've got a lot going on here.

I see.

Wait. Stop!

I used the spirits too much
in the dungeon, so I can't defend myself.

Hmm.

And so,
instead of being assassinated,

I was frozen in ice until the morning.
It's awful.

-Sure, man.
-Whatever you say.

I mean, it was your fault.

That's amazing, Uncle.

You can beat Alien Soldier in 30 minutes?

29 minutes 29 seconds.

I played it nonstop.

Wow.

The key is not using
the easy Homing Force,

but to rush through early stages
with the Ranger Force instead.

Oh. I found a video
of someone beating it in 12 minutes.

Damn Internet.

Hey, it's not the Internet's fault.
You know that.

Oh. Speaking of the Internet,

what are these North American versions
of games I keep seeing online, huh?

Oh, that's the region code.

See, the same game will have different
languages depending on the market region.

You know, my English isn't the strongest,

but I can basically understand
the beginning of Altered Beast.

It's just like,
"Go forth. Defeat the evil."

-Stuff like that.
-Oh, uh, wait.

I'll translate it.

Rise from your grave.

Your grave?

The hero was dead in that the whole time?

Yeah.
You didn't understand the story at all.

Why not?

-Maybe it's the Other World blood.
-Wait, they're talking.

I think it's because he's the same
as the forefathers of the Ice clan.

An interdimensional traveler
from Nihon Bahamal.

Wait, did she just…

ALL CREATION - RESIDENCE
ICE STORM

I heard her
say "Nihon Bahamal."

-Huh?
-Wait, she knows about Japan?

Let's take a look at it.

I'm sorry to hear that he put a ring
on you while you were sleeping as well.

I know being forcefully proposed to
by an orc in your sleep is traumatizing.

No one will ever want to touch a woman
who's been married to a dirty orc.

But I wouldn't worry about it too much.

You-- You don't seem too worried about it.
Why not?

Maybe it's the Other World blood.

I think it's because he's the same
as the forefathers of the Ice clan.

An interdimensional traveler
from Nihon Bahamal.

Oh, I see now.

They had this conversation
while I was standing there frozen.

They are talking
about Japan, though, right?

Raybelio yuul elran.

A knight founded the Ice clan
400 years ago.

He came from Nihon Bahamal.

The knight died in a great w*r
in Nihon Bahamal,

and received a new life and body
in Granbahamal.

Then God appeared before him and said,

"Traveler, I shall give you one power
to survive this harsh world. Name it."

The clever knight already had his answer.

"Give me a blade
that could k*ll a god like you."

A starting bonus from a deity?

An Other World fantasy standard!

And the warrior's reply was so cool.

Then what?

And so, this god responded to him,

"You wish for the power to k*ll a god?

Interesting. However"--

More importantly, does that ugly orc face
look like a normal human to you?

-"Interesting."
-Tell me, idiot.

-"Interesting."
-Stop it!

-"Interesting."
-You're kidding me.

Uh, it was about to get interesting.

-Could you please be patient?
-I know this story.

I read about this when I was a kid.
Shoo, shoo.

Gets the sword,
gains all knowledge and language,

falls in love with the village priestess,
breaks the sword's seal,

and slays the legendary blaze dragon.

Then the sword is passed down
for generations, right?

She spoiled all the big moments
in the story?

Now tell me.

How do you truly feel about orc face?

Telling that story was the only thing
I was confident about.

I worked really hard
to practice.

Oh, I'm so sorry. Please don't cry.

There, there. It's okay. It's okay.

I got nothing.

-What?
-What's that?

Why didn't I get my own
god-freezing sword when I went there?

I just assumed that your magic powers
were your starting bonus, weren't they?

I didn't get a bonus.

And I didn't even talk to any gods.

Oh, let's watch when
you first appeared in Other World.

-Eighteen years ago?
-That's it.

Eighteen years ago!

Can you even remember that far back?

Searching for it's gonna be
a real pain, honestly.

Uh, okay…

l*nch m*b, execution, t*rture…

-You seem way too casual about this.
-Oh, yeah.

My uncle was being hunted
because people thought he was an orc.

For real?

-And found it!
-Oh!

You dirty orc!
You were going to eat our precious cow!

No, Uncle,
I don't think that's it.

Is it this?

Purify this evil orc
who violates our doctrines.

No, that's
the never-ending water pot one.

-It is this?
-Nope.

-This?
-No!

This?

Why were you hunted so much, man?

Once I fall asleep,
it's impossible to wake me up.

If they get me in my sleep,
it's super easy to string me up.

I can't believe you made it back alive.

Huh? Wait, what's this?

A skeleton?

It's a resurrection spell
you find in holy magic.

But I never saw it done until much later.

Why is it happening in an old memory?

Whoa. Wait. That's you at 17?

When you first got there?

I see.

So that's how my body was actually made
in Granbahamal.

Does that mean God made his body?

Yeah, it looks that way.

I got mistaken for an orc
and beaten up here.

I didn't understand their language,
so I thought they were mugging me.

But then they mistook my money
for attack spell cards.

January, 2000.

I was heading to the game store
to spend all my holiday money

when I got into that accident.
And then this.

What game was I going to buy?

Man, this is getting kinda sad.

Huh? Hold on. Do you hear something?

Huh? Is that God's voice?

Well, hold on. Let me turn it up.

God is Chinese?

I think this god somehow
got the region code wrong!

Hey, guys. Chill out, will ya?
I mean, I'm getting beaten up here.

Uncle, rewind it
and I'll use the translation app.

Okay.

Dear customers and friends.
Good day to you.

-I welcome you to Granbahamal.
-A store announcement?

It sounds prerecorded.

They said, "Grant you power."
Maybe it's like Mabel said then.

I see. So whatever I wished for then
became my power.

Oh, this is when you awakened!

When you gained your magic
and became unbeatable, right?

I assume you wished for the power
to m*ssacre these human pieces of garbage?

Or did you ask for the strength
to erase these b*stards? Did you? Huh?

Ta-- Takafumi, do you need to talk
to someone about something?

HIS FAMILY FELL APART

Actually, I'm pretty sure
the only thing I was thinking…

If only…

If only we spoke the same language…

Yeah. That's what I was thinking.

Understood.
I have granted you your wish.

It says, "Understood. I have decided
to grant you your one wish.

Travel to Mount Dordo to gain
any additional knowledge you may require."

That's it.

So, your only power is translating?

-Oh, I see.
-That's so lame.

So, my bonus was being able to understand
the Other World language, right?

I don't know, man. Maybe you were
supposed to learn the Other World language

from this Mount Dordo?

…am not…

I'm not an orc!

Oh, that's amazing.

You managed to work it all out.

From what I've seen so far,
that's pretty rare for you.

No.

You know, they actually sold me
to a freak show as a rare speaking orc.

-Oh.
-Oh.

I was sold for only three copper pieces.

-And then, I was--
-Stop right there, Uncle!

I need to get a coffee.

Make that two.

Oh, that's a great idea.

I can use a refill.

It was like the god
of that world

had lost the passion for their one job.

And the Other World people were
just as awful.

I knew there'd be more unpleasant stories.

So we took a coffee break.

-Mmm. Beany.
-That's good beans.

Wonderful depth of flavor.