01x04 - Tadpole Smoothie

[bunniefuu]

- [fire roaring]

- [Jules screaming]

[cat meowing]

sh*t.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Hey.

[purring]

What's wrong?

[clicking tongue]

Come here.

[clicking tongue] What's going on?

[door slams]

[trapdoor clattering]

[eerie music playing]

[blows]

[jungle noises]

[ominous music playing]

[wet thud]

[breathing heavily]

[voices whispering faintly]

[ominous music playing]

[grunting]

[panting]

[grunting]

[ominous music playing]

[workers chattering]

Who said that? Who said that?

No, what source at the studio?

Yeah, the jackass at the gate?

The lazy-eyed kid that delivers us coffee?

Two weeks ago, two weeks, they said

we were looking at box office magic.

They printed those words.

So, how is Variety saying this week,

"The studio has lost faith in the film

in the weeks before its release"?

Guy, no. No, listen.

- Guy What the f*ck is happening? Hey!

- [falcons screeching]

Hey! You're stressing out the falcons!

They're elite predators.

Guy, hang on.

We didn't find no bugs

in your screening room.

But we found, like, half a dozen ants,

just not the kind that bite, though.

Ants? Did you say half a dozen ants?

I'm telling you,

there's nothing in there that bites.

Well, keep looking.

- [high-pitched ringing]

- Ow! Ow.

[man] Sir?

You good?

Yeah.

Sorry, Guy, I'm It's bugshit here.

I'm coming unglued. What?

Stay away from the birds!

They hate humans!

- What?

- Your special coffee.

You said tell you right away

if it gets here.

[sighs] Guy, I gotta call you later.

Hallelujah.

My sweet, sweet, delicious beans.

[kissing]

They could not have come at a better time.

- Funny thing, when I was outside

- Yeah.

There's a dog outside

that I never saw before.

The biggest black dog

I ever saw in my life.

The size of a horse.

Not on a leash or anything.

The f*ck?

[ominous music playing]

[Inez] You see?

[Lou] I don't like that dog. It's too big.

- Call Animal Control.

- They here already.

That's for bugs. For dogs. For dogs.

[Veronica] Lou!

Hey, Lou!

There are a lot of workers walking through

our house right now wearing shoes.

They're workers, babe!

They wear shoes for the job!

[Veronica] You guys, shoes off.

That means

Ow!

g*dd*mn it!

- What?

- [Veronica] Oh!

- Oh, son of a b*tch.

- What? What? What?

Lou.

I bit the inside of my lip again.

[sighs] The orthodontist told you.

It's gonna keep happening.

Right? Gotta get

I'm not getting f*cking braces, Lou.

Call Animal Control. Please.

- I'm trying to tell you, bro, you don't

- Keep f*cking looking.

Something f*cking bit me last night.

Oh, God.

g*dd*mn it! Inez!

[sighs]

f*ck.

[Jonathan] Ow! sh*t!

- Oh.

- [Jonathan] Ow. Jesus!

- Jonathan?

- What the f*ck?

- [Veronica] Honey?

- Something bit me!

[Lou] Bit you?

Holy sh*t! Look at that thing!

Pest-free house?

It's like Arachnophobia in here, man.

Stomp it! Stomp it!

[panting]

Oh, Jesus!

[Inez speaking Spanish]

- Where's the bite? Where's the bite?

- No, no. It's not that.

- Oh, God! It bit your d*ck?

- No, no, no.

The bite causes a very painful erection.

- [Veronica] What?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's right.

- Yeah, very dangerous.

- God, is it an allergic reaction or?

- I'll get some ice.

- Some For his d*ck?

No, he needs a doctor.

Come on, buddy. Come on, get up.

Veronica, you take the other car.

You, tent the entire house!

k*ll any bug of any kind.

It's a f*cking plague in here!

What the hell is going on?

[Jonathan wincing]

[nurse] Just a little bit of discomfort.

- [Lou clears throat]

- [Jonathan grunting]

[Jonathan moans]

[Lou] They say it could've been fatal.

Fatal.

Not a car crash,

not a mugging on the street,

a poisonous insect that penetrates

the security of your home,

an insidious,

malicious little f*cking bug!

And it nearly k*lled my only son.

- But he's gonna be okay, right?

- I mean, he'll live.

And presumably, he'll still be

[clicks tongue] functional as a man.

Doesn't have it as bad

as Jules Brandenberg, though.

[Jules screaming]

He's got second and third-degree burns

over 70% of his body,

everywhere above the ankles.

Can you f*cking imagine?

[guests screaming]

You mean he could die?

I don't know.

I'm not a f*cking doctor, but I

One thing's for sure, he's not going

to direct the movie anymore.

Lisa. Can I ask you a question?

Is this this curse you put on me?

[scoffs]

Lou

curses aren't real.

I'm starting to think

what is real is that

someone is actually

you know, sabotaging my life.

And hurting innocent people close to me.

[lighter clicks]

And if someone was doing that

and didn't stop doing that

I'd go out of my way

to make that person pay for that.

I'd hurt that person very badly.

I could pay to cause

a person a lot of pain.

A lot of physical pain

if they didn't stop it.

Well, let me know

if there's anything I can do to help.

It's her. She's doing this to me.

Well, she did seem

pretty dead set on f*cking with you.

What'd you ever do to her?

Nothing out of the ordinary.

It was business.

She has a disproportionate sense

of her place in the universe.

Look. Follow her.

All right? Find out how she's doing this,

find out who's helping her.

Is it Roy f*cking Hardaway? He's got

a thing for her. Maybe she's f*cking him.

You'll pay us more money, right?

f*ck!

[sighs] Yes. Obviously.

This sh*t should not be happening to me.

People can't f*ck with me like this,

with my f*cking family.

You want us to get rid of her?

That's

something you do? [clears throat]

Speaking for myself, on occasion.

Number's gotta be right.

No g*ns, though.

We got a parole situation to think about.

No. No. Just

follow her.

Lost in a storm ♪

I sailed out to sea ♪

[Lisa] Boro?

Boro?

It's time to call it off.

Lou knows it's me

and I think he might try to hurt me.

You think he might?

This is serious.

It's gotten way out of control.

- Yeah, I know it has.

- So, you'll call it off?

- Nah.

- "Nah"? What do you mean, "Nah"?

- You said to set his life on fire.

- Well, now I'm saying never mind.

Okay, I'm the customer

and I'm canceling my order.

[laughs] You break it, you bought it.

Two people are in the hospital,

neither one is the guy I actually cursed.

And I don't have my movie back.

Plus, there's this trapdoor

that's appeared in my apartment.

And there's something down there,

some kind of presence.

Don't go down there.

Yeah, no f*cking sh*t.

What about that other thing?

Took an interest in you?

Remember? You know what I mean.

- That hateful spirit?

- Yep.

I don't know. Maybe it

went away like you said.

I just want all of this to stop.

Ooh.

- Hi. You wanna come with me?

- I want this to stop.

There's nothing you can do.

[woman] Jennifer?

Jennifer, it's me. Shauna.

Jennifer! Ha!

I was wondering if it was you,

but I wasn't sure,

because you look so, I don't know,

different and everything. [laughs]

I'm sorry, I thought

You mistook me for someone else.

Yeah, I guess. I guess I did.

I thought I thought

- [gagging]

- Oh. Oh, my God.

Oh, geez.

Um, yeah, I must have made a mistake.

Oh, my God!

I think I've made a mistake. Oh.

[kitten meows]

[Boro chuckles]

That sh*t has to stop!

- Hey, you hired me, you gotta pay.

- No!

No!

No.

No more throwing up kittens!

Fine! No more throwing up kittens.

- [spits]

- [door closes]

Hey!

- [engine starts]

- Hey!

Wait!

2-A-B-I-1-1-1

2-A-B-I-1-1-1.

[Denise groaning, wheezing]

[rapid beeping]

[loud, continuous beep]

[gasps]

- Oh, my gosh.

- [machine beeping softly]

Okay. Okay. You're alive.

Okay. Oh, gosh.

God, you scared me so bad.

If you just want some juice or something,

you just gotta push the call button.

Hey.

Hello?

[ominous music playing]

Oh.

I'm just gonna get you back to bed, okay?

I'm just

[Jonathan groaning, wheezing]

[EKG flatlining]

[man] We were all inside,

so we didn't hear nothing.

I think maybe it was a coyote?

Or a big cat?

That dog.

There was a dog.

- A big, black dog.

- Okay.

What, does that seem implausible to you?

You think I'm making it up?

No, I didn't say Fellas, did you guys

see a big, black dog around here?

- Lou? It's the hospital.

- You saw the dog. Right?

Hello, Lou Burke.

What do you mean he discharged himself?

The other day Boro told me

that she'd had another life,

and that she did something

she could never take back.

And then this woman recognized her.

Called her Jennifer.

Maybe escalating this isn't the best idea.

- [knocking on door]

- Oh.

Sorry. [grunts]

- Hi.

- [Roy] Hey.

My buddy on the force

traced the plate number for me.

But I gotta call him back

to get the address.

- Can I use your phone?

- Yeah.

Hey, man.

Hey, Roy Hardaway.

Lisa. [whispering] Roy Hardaway? What?

- Are you and him?

- Oh, no. No. He's just doing me a favor.

How do you know him well enough

to ask for a favor?

Hey. Hey, Roy! Congrats on the nom.

So, her name is Shauna Davis.

She lives in Pyramid Springs.

But that's, like, 75 miles from here.

- Great. Let's take your car, mine sucks.

- Wait, I've got a 3 a.m. call time.

Oh.

All right, f*ck it. If I'm late,

I guess the stunt guy can double.

Hear that? Roy Hardaway

doesn't do his own stunts.

- Goodbye, Code.

- Bye, Lis. And Roy Hardaway.

[Roy] How do you know she's not

mistaking her for some other Jennifer?

No, she definitely recognized her.

Boro is hiding something.

- Figure out what, you get her to back off?

- Something like that.

[gasps, then grunts]

[Roy] You good?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm fine. Let's go.

[Roy] Is that her?

Excuse me.

- Oh.

- Hi, I'm Lisa.

I saw you today.

Oh, my God. Is that?

Is that Roy Hardaway in my driveway?

Hi, Roy!

[squeals] He waved back! [laughs]

[gasps] What is he doing in my driveway?

- Did I win something?

- No, you didn't. He's just here.

It's not important.

Anyway, I saw you today at the pet store,

and you recognized

the woman I was with. Jennifer?

Are you two together?

Are you with Roy Hardaway?

No, just ignore him.

[groans]

Hey. Shauna, was it?

Hi, Roy! [giggles]

[Roy] Hi, Shauna.

So, I believe that you saw Lisa here today

at a pet store downtown

with someone that you knew?

I think her name was Jennifer?

Oh. You were the girl

that was getting sick.

Yeah, that's me. Hi.

You don't look much better.

Thanks, Shauna. Anyway

what can you tell us about Jennifer?

Yeah, I thought that was her today,

but she wasn't as punk rock.

I think she changed

her look up a little bit.

Well, between you and me,

and Roy

[chuckles] I always thought

she was kind of fake.

I'm not saying

that I'm glad she disappeared,

no, but I'm not not glad.

- Disappeared?

- Oh, yeah. Sure.

There were posters all over.

[Roy] And when was that?

Oh, gosh. This was probably 10 years ago?

I can get you her old address.

Her husband Mike and the kids,

they still live there.

I guess they're hoping

she'll turn up one day.

So sad.

- [grunts]

- Oh, um

Shauna, would you?

Could you do us a favor?

Could you grab that address for us?

- Would you mind?

- Yeah. Sure.

Come on. Let's sit you down.

[eerie music playing]

Ready to go for a little ride?

[whirring]

Mm.

[Jonathan groans softly]

[Lou] Well, just let me know

if if you hear from him.

Well, thanks.

Did you get a hold of him?

Hmm? I was picking up Fellini.

He hates his new doggy day care.

[Lou sighs]

Oh, relax.

Jonathan's an adult.

Don't smother him.

How can I smother someone who's missing?

He's getting high with his friends.

If I got a painful hard-on

in front of my parents,

I'd be embarrassed. Wouldn't you?

What? What are you?

What are you talking about?

Why are you so worried?

[ominous music playing]

- [Lisa groans] Pull over. Pull over.

- [Roy] Are you sure you're okay?

[Lisa] I don't know,

I've never felt like this before.

I think we need to find a hospital.

This isn't medical.

It's her.

Are you sure?

My insides are rearranging themselves.

Lisa, I think you need to lie down.

I need to find him!

Who?

Boro's husband? Do you?

Do you think he's gonna talk to you

when you're in this condition?

- Come on.

- Come on where?

I saw a motel a ways back, okay?

Come on, it's gonna be okay. Come on.

[playing discordant notes]

[knocking on door]

[sighs]

Well? [sniffs]

Okay, come in, yeah. [sniffs]

So, we followed her downtown,

and she went to a pet store,

and she met up with this kind of, like,

homeless-looking lady.

- Some sort of argument.

- About what?

[Ralph] We couldn't hear them.

How do you know it was an argument?

Body language, man.

All right, so she got into an argument

with a homeless woman.

That's what you got for me?

We followed the lady home.

So she wasn't homeless.

This is getting more exciting

by the second.

Get to the point. I got a f*cking migraine

right behind my eye.

What's this, art for my fridge?

No, it's the hippie lady's house.

No numbers on it, though.

Cortez and Maribel.

[ominous music playing]

[Lisa] I'm burning up.

I'm burning up.

I don't know what's wrong. Hurry up.

Hurry up!

Oh, f*ck!

[breathing heavily]

[winces, then exhales]

What are you doing to me?

[grunts]

[groaning]

[groans]

[breathing heavily]

[Lou groans]

g*dd*mn it.

[groaning]

[screams]

[groans]

[grunts]

[snorts]

[grunts]

[water rushing]

[exhales]

[gasping]

[grunts]

[gasps]

[groans]

[breathing heavily]

[shrieking]

[Roy] Lisa?

What the f*ck is going on in there?

Answer me, please!

- [meows]

- [pounding on door]

- [Lisa gasping]

- [Roy] Lisa!

[sobbing]

Lisa, can you hear me?

- [Lisa groans]

- Lisa?

- [knocking on door]

- Listen, I'm coming in there, okay?

- [kitten meows]

- [Lisa panting]

[Roy] Okay, so

you've been

producing

kittens.

Like the one that's in there.

I guess I'm full of surprises.

And kittens, apparently.

[door knob rattling]

[dramatic music playing]

[banging]

It's in there.

[wheezing softly]

[kitten meows]

You can tell her

I'll go back to puking them.

I thought this would only f*ck up

Lou's life.

- [motorcycle revving]

- But now I've got this

new thing.

And there's this trapdoor.

What trapdoor?

It just appeared in my bedroom.

And last night, I went down inside it.

And down there,

suddenly I'm not in L.A. anymore.

The smell

the moisture in the air.

It's like I closed my eyes

and

I'm back in Brazil.

There was a woman.

[dramatic music playing]

And when she came forward

I felt like I was suffocating.

And even now I can feel it.

Right now.

I hear her calling me.

She wants me down there.

To be with her.

Do you wanna go?

I don't know.

I'm lost.

How's it feel?

Exhilarating.

Terrifying.

Do you wanna take back control?

[moaning]

[Lisa gasping]

[panting]

[birds chirping]

[toilet flushing]

[door opens]

- [Roy] Good morning.

- Morning.

- How'd you sleep?

- I

- I was saying how'd

- Good.

Good.

Got you breakfast.

Oh.

Look at that.

Did you sign the breakfast?

[chuckles]

No. That's sh*t.

That was I was

gonna write something.

I thought that I was gonna be gone

by the time that you woke up.

I checked my answering service and

turns out that people are pretty pissed

at me for skipping work.

So, they sent a PA to come and get me.

- I think he's here.

- sh*t.

- You should've gone.

- [Roy] No, no. I This was

you know

cool.

[chuckles] I'm I'm glad that I was here.

Is that what your note

was supposed to say?

It was implied.

- It says, "Roy."

- Yeah.

Exactly.

- And you can keep it.

- [gasps]

Wow.

I was gonna ask for your autograph,

but I didn't wanna make it awkward.

Yeah. I felt that.

All right. I gotta go.

Take the Chevelle.

Don't crash it.

Thank you.

[Roy] Good luck finding Boro's husband!

[tires screech]

[sniffs]

[car door closes]

[dramatic music playing]

[flies buzzing]

f*ck you, man.

[bird caws]

My name is Lou Burke, and you are?

Tell me, Lou Burke

do you often just waltz

into strangers' houses

and announce yourself,

thinking you're entitled to their time

and attention?

I've seen you before.

You were there the night

that kid got burnt.

Nice house.

Fun party.

Something's going on with you

and Lisa Nova. You two are in cahoots.

- Don't deny it.

- Why would I deny it?

Lisa hired me to put a curse on you.

How much? What's your price?

- [Boro] My price?

- I'll pay.

Gotta hire somebody to

redo your front lawn.

You can get out of this sh*thole

and get yourself a place in Malibu.

- How much?

- I like my yard.

Whatever this little curse

of yours entails

if it includes trashing my film

to the trades,

planting poisonous spiders

in my house, and hurting my son,

then it stops now.

No.

Excuse me?

I can't do that.

Why can't you do that?

I just can't.

Are you magic or not?

[laughing]

What the f*ck do you want from me?

Nothing. You came to me.

[continues laughing]

Oh! Oh, wait. That's it?

Come on.

Lou!

What a wet noodle. Come on.

The way Lisa talks about you,

I thought you'd be a lot more fun.

Here.

Come on.

What happened to the Art of the Deal?

[sighs]

Can you help me

or can't you?

You and Lisa

have a symbiotic relationship.

- No, we f*cking do not.

- Yeah, you f*cking do.

I created it.

You strike, she hits back.

You wanna master her?

She wants to master you.

I am just a roadside picnic

in this girl's journey.

Are you a weak man, Lou?

No.

You seem like a person

who likes to fight back.

Every f*cking time.

Mm-hm. Okay.

She's running from something.

Find out what it is

and use it against her.

- How about a hint? Hmm?

- [chuckles]

Something happened to her

out there in the woods, before I met her.

Where she was sh**ting her movie.

[ominous music playing]

[screaming]

I don't know exactly.

But I felt it.

I saw this white light

suddenly flare.

That's when I called her here.

You called her?

Yes.

You want to master Lisa Nova?

Find out who she really is.

Is her movie any good, by the way?

It has potential.

Hmm.

So, find out what happened

when she was sh**ting it.

The woods are full of dirt.

You dig?

And if you do find out anything,

come back and tell me.

I f*cking love gossip.

Lou Burke!

[suspenseful music playing]

[moaning softly]

[clicks tongue]

[dramatic music playing]