01x03 - Episode 3

[bunniefuu]

Bourbon, for me and this little rascal.

What does it take

to be a good partner?

Courage, loyalty and honesty.

You're a true partner.

You've shown you've got ba*ls.

To the best partner

anyone could wish for.

To true friendship between men.

Keep 'em coming, Imke.

Listen, kid, you and me,

we'll catch that mean b*tch

of a Lady Lovelyn.

What a clown show.

We are gathered here today

to bid farewell

to our beloved Sugar Candy.

As you know,

Sugar Candy was like a daughter to me.

When she came here from Russia

a few years ago,

persecuted and humiliated,

she found a family at Kitty.

And in me, a mother.

She was gifted.

I gave her space to shine,

like she deserved.

Self-praise stinks, don't you think?

Now our little angel is gone.

The m*rder*r is still on the loose,

laughing up his sleeve.

And why?

Because the police don't care

that one of us was m*rder*d

in cold blood.

On the contrary,

they even try to put the blame on us,

the victims.

But we won't put up with it.

We are loud.

And we are many.

b*tch.

Chief, what do we do now?

Hands off! Get your hands off me!

You'll vet that black peacock.

I want her lying in front of me plucked

and stripped down to her panties.

You need to be like a falcon

hunting a mouse.

-You're such a backstabber!

-I'm not!

-Leave me alone!

-Where are you going?

Make way for Roxana, you scrawny things.

In the meantime, I'll go see

what that golden disco ball has to say.

Meet you back at the station.

Bourbon.

Not so fast, buddy.

Leave the bottle here.

One glass won't do today.

Sven.

Don't give the man

that filthy, adulterated stuff.

-Real bourbon comes from

-Kentucky.

Cheers.

Just so you know, I'm not into guys

with '80s pornstaches.

And I don't fancy old, bald fatsos.

Bruno.

Roxana.

Or Dieter.

I only take the old skank out

on special occasions.

Sure is a fine wine, huh?

Stop being sad,

she wouldn't have wanted that.

-You're right.

-Wasn't it a good show?

Cheers.

She sure went all-in today.

Hello. Excuse me.

She did it before

and it almost went t*ts up.

Imagine if she'd closed the place down.

Unimaginable! God forbid.

Excuse me.

Hello! Who is this?

I'm Inspector Solowski.

I have a few more questions for you,

if I'm not interrupting.

He's a detective.

Would you perhaps like

to sip some bubbly with us?

We won't bite. Don't be scared.

I I can't.

I'm on duty.

I'm working, miss, ma'am.

Tell me, do you have a boyfriend?

No I mean

On the night Sugar Candy died,

do you remember at precisely

what time Lady Lovelyn left the club?

I'd have to think about it.

Are you sure

you won't have a drink with us?

He is very sure.

Now get out.

You're not welcome here.

-But I

-Out. Get lost.

Go on. Get out.

Be like a falcon, Mark.

I was at a funeral.

She was a friend of mine.

I really liked her.

You know what the worst part is?

I really buried two friends today.

You think you know someone, but it

turns out it was all smoke and mirrors.

I used to have a friend, Vincent.

He was a real buddy of mine.

He was there for me when my father died.

I was there for him when his old man

beat him black and blue.

But then

When we were about 20,

I had a girlfriend.

I wanted to marry her.

I'd even bought a ring

that I'd scrimped and saved for.

-And she?

-She

She was a real hot piece of a*s.

Lips like Brigitte Bardot

and t*ts like little pyramids.

But she had brains too.

One day, I come home

It was like in a cheesy soap opera.

I caught her.

With my best friend.

We go back 30 years.

30 damn years.

We went through everything together.

I thought I knew her better

than anybody in the world.

-Did she steal your broad too?

-No.

She just changed.

We used to hit the streets together.

The things we saw.

You have no idea.

Back then,

going out in drag was no picnic.

We put our asses on the line.

But that's a long time ago.

What happened?

At some point, all she cared about

was fame and recognition.

She pretended to be their mother.

But believe me,

I think Lovelyn would've been glad

to be rid of Sugar much sooner.

Because people

stopped coming to see the queen.

They wanted the hot little chambermaid.

They pretended

they were like mother and daughter,

but those two hated each other.

Didn't I make myself clear?

We don't talk to the police.

Neither with him,

nor with his little lapdog.

We know what you think of us.

Now get out.

You should put iodine

on those scratches, Lady Lovelyn.

Goodbye.

So, did you get what you came for,

Mister Inspector?

I might be a drunk old fairy,

but I'm not an idiot.

I spotted you right away

at Sugar's funeral.

Not bad.

Old instincts.

Time for a good, strong coffee.

That gold disco ball drinks bourbon

like a calf on a cow's udders.

Listen.

The fairy sang.

Lady Lovelyn, that charming woman,

couldn't stand the other fairy queen.

Huh? But Sugar and her

All that mother stuff was make-believe.

She was afraid little Sugar

would oust her from the throne.

Okay. I've got something too.

Lady Lovelyn had scratch marks

on her arm.

It looked like fingernails.

She clearly didn't want me to see them.

Sounds like those two

went at each other like two pussycats.

Right

But don't we need solid proof, like DNA?

Or will the boss give us

an arrest warrant?

Let's leave that old witch out of it.

Of course we need real evidence.

Peter will get the DNA,

so we'll have it in black and white.

The secret is to toast them first.

Then ketchup,

the meatball,

and mustard on the other side.

-Can you use sweet mustard?

-Peter?

What?

Could you get us

a DNA sample of Lady Lovelyn?

I'm sure you took a sample

at the crime scene?

No, I did not.

And I won't get you one

without the boss's permission.

-Okay.

-Stop sh1tting your pants, Peter.

-Or does she have you by the ba*ls?

-Go ask her yourself.

I need her permission.

Enjoy.

Bruno is pissed.

He'd sooner go to hell

than plead with that haggard old boss.

Bruno knows he'll have to get

his hands on the DNA himself.

After all, it's his a*s

that's on the line here.

-I'm so thirsty.

-I'm dying for a strawberry milkshake.

I want one too.

-Hello.

-Hi. Two strawberry milkshakes.

Not bad.

Nice skirt.

You'll have to wear a skirt soon too.

-What?

-I won't squeeze into a little dress.

-Why would you?

-Your mother

I'm sure she has

some hot little dresses.

Leopard leggings?

Hot sh*t, baby.

Okay, but what for?

You're a bit slow today, huh?

What's wrong, smart a*s?

We need her DNA.

If the traces under Sugar's nails

are Lady Lovelyn's

Bingo! We've caught her.

Then we know that those two went

at each other like two furry pussies.

That's why you, my little friend,

will dress up as a drag queen

and get us the DNA.

A hairbrush, make-up utensils

Whatever's in a little purse.

Then we'll have something solid

for that old dragon of a boss.

But, Chief, we don't have permission.

Howdy, top g*n.

-Can't wait for the next match.

-Sure.

Hey! Wait.

Why are you avoiding me?

Me? I'm not.

Mark, if you're not interested in me,

that's fine,

but don't run away from me.

No, it's not like that, I

It's just that I

I

Hello, Rhubarbra Stagehand.

Holy cow!

Mark!

You look like a fairy

from a picture book.

Listen, kiddo.

You can do it.

What if I can't?

If the drag queens

catch me without a warrant, then

Then it's game over.

They know what I look like.

Bo will fire us.

And what will I tell my mother?

I can't go in there.

Remember what I told you.

Sometimes doing the right thing

means breaking the law.

Sometimes you just have to

suck it up to be a real man.

I believe in you.

You can do it.

Call me when you're done.

If I hang around here,

someone might get some funny ideas.

Okay.

-Hi, Wendy!

-What's up?

Great!

-Here you go. Have fun.

-Thank you.

Howdy! How's it going?

That's right,

air-kisses from a distance today.

Have fun and good luck.

Here for the talent show?

You can also just watch.

That's fine too.

I do the same.

Want a stamp?

Yes? Come here then.

Voilà.

Have fun.

One moment!

Your label's peeping out.

We girls have to stick together.

Off you go now.

My gosh!

Want a schnapps to warm up?

-No, thanks.

-Oh, don't be so

You sure are shy.

Excuse me.

What are you doing here?

Me?

I

I'm here for the talent show.

Wonderful.

What's your name, sweetie?

Rhubarbra Stagehand.

I just wanted to freshen up a little.

It's too late for that now.

We're about to start.

Now?

Yes. Now.

Alice, honestly, this lunatic

is impossible to babysit.

He won't listen,

and he bit the postman.

Find yourself another babysitter.

You are not a dog.

But he can't stay here in the bar.

That's not my problem.

He's a child, not a fighting dog!

Kasper, you were going

to stop biting people.

That was the agreement.

-Imke, I can't do tonight's shift.

-Of course.

Let's see if we can catch the night bus.

And there'll be no complaining.

How about I drive you home?

You can sit in front, kid.

Go sit.

Fasten your seatbelt.

Good dog.

-Ma'am.

-Thank you.

Let me tell you, kid.

When the sheriff storms onto the scene,

everyone jumps aside.

Watch this.

Alright, my darling little sweetie pies.

Tonight we have

an exclusive performance, just for you,

from Miss Rhubarbra Stagehand!

-You can do it!

-Rhubarbra!

All these words in my head

I try to forget

Why is everybody mad?

No limit to regrets

Louder!

All my friends are getting high

Yes!

I'm still staring at the sky

Red flags, white lies

You're k*lling me with your eyes

I

I'm losing control

I

I'm losing it all

Why can't I be

Just who I wanna be?

Give me your g*n

I'm counting till three

Filled my thoughts with champagne

It's easy to be blamed

No, I can't stop the rain

The sun feels ashamed

All my friends are getting high

I'm still standing by your side

Cold hands, white lies

You're k*lling me with your eyes

I

I'm losing control

I

I'm losing it all

Why can't I be

Just who I wanna be?

Give me your g*n

I'm counting till three

Wow! You really got into it.

Just great. Enjoy your applause!

Yes, my dears,

that was the wonderful

Rhubarbra Stagehand!

Champagne, darling!

Thanks, love.

-Did someone say "love"?

-Oh God, there you are.

-Here's to you and to a great show.

-Thank you.

Surely better than living like a monk.

That's true.

So much better than usual.

-It's not by chance.

-True.

I think I need to powder up.

See you later.

-Sure. Ciao.

-Ciao!

Well

You're really very talented,

Rhubarbra Stagehand.

Thank you.

Good night, kiddo.

Thank you, Bruno.

That was very kind.

Any time, ma'am.

Yes?

I'm on my way.

So?

You're a rascal.

Yes?

What are you doing here?

What's with that hat?

So my hair doesn't go flat.

Mark?

Why is he in drag?

I need the DNA analysis

by tomorrow morning.

But it's the dead of night.

Well, take off that merry little hat

and get to work.

-Yes, but

-I can send her your internet history.

She'll see the smut you look at

during working hours.

So?

You're a real jerk.

I know.

Good night.

Come on, kid!

Get out of the drag and into the water!

sh*t.

Chief?

I love it here!

Here, they're probably too big,

but it's all I've got.

Thank you.

It's really nice here.

When I was a little kid, 11 or 12,

we spent every Sunday here.

My dad and me.

He taught me how to hunt and fish.

That's great.

I mean, that you got to do that

with your father.

My father really messed up.

He drank and screwed around too much.

But this

He did this right.

It was the best time of the week.

Just my father and me.

We'd sit in this very spot.

Just like you and me now.

We'd look at the lake and

say nothing.

And your mother?

My father and me were on our own.

He ran a bar.

I grew up among hookers and beer.

He taught me early on how to be a man.

The old man did

a pretty good job at that.

I

hardly remember my father.

Did you know him?

Really?

Not for long.

But from the little I saw,

I could tell he was a decent man.

He was a super cop.

He wouldn't let anyone walk over him.

The ladies were mad about him.

They lined up to get arrested.

You remind me very much of him.

If you like,

I can teach you how to fish.

Really?

Yes.

I mean, yes, that would be great.

The beans are done.

We just need something

to wash them down with.

Why don't you go up

and grab our friend from the car?

I'm on it.

"Clinical report - Bruno Klöpel.

Dear Mr. Klöpel,

you were diagnosed

with a prostate carcinoma, stage 2.

The tumor is limited to one location.

We recommend surgical removal

of the tumor, followed by chemotherapy."

Here.

You first.

It's Peter.

-What's up?

-Hey, Bruno.

I have the results.

I can say with 99 percent certainty

that the DNA found

under Sugar Candy's fingernails

matches that of Lady Lovelyn.

We got her.

So we can finally ask Henschemeier

for the arrest warrant?

Better yet,

we'll catch Lady Lovelyn

and serve her on a silver platter.

Garnished with some parsley and apple,

if you like.

If we get her the queen

with the DNA evidence,

she'll eat out of our hands

like a greedy little guinea pig.

Looks like someone got here before us.

Dammit.

Stop! Police!

sh*t.

Chief!

Chief!

You need to come see this.

Goddammit.