In other news,
Rockland and Westchester County
are being put on high alert
for isolated incidents
surrounding Airbnb
and short-term rentals.
Homeowners are reporting finding
numerous blood-riddled
corpses on their properties.
So, Beth, how do you and
Sarah know each other?
We used to teach
preschool together.
Oh, that's awesome.
Do you still teach preschool?
No, I hate kids.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I mean, what's
your story, girl?
Like you and Grant
go way back, right?
Yeah, we lived three houses
down from one another.
So yeah, we spent a lot of
time growing up together.
So how come last night was
the first time you met Sarah?
I haven't been around much.
I, this is my first
time back in the States
in two and a half years.
Oh, wow. That sounds super fun.
I
thought an urban legend.
You're back
for good this time?
I don't know. It's a
big world out there.
So what's Carter's
girlfriend like?
She's a wh*re.
Ominous clouds
in the distance.
A perfect setting for
our story to begin.
Welcome
to "Bending Stress Away."
I will guide you inch by inch
through a simple meditation
that will help you relax, unwind
and sh**t that
stress right away.
For now, just
observe your breath.
How is your breath
at this moment?
Is it slow? Is it fast?
Is it soft? Is it hard?
Sucking everything in and
blowing everything out.
Suck and blow.
If a thought comes into
your mind, that's okay.
Allow it to come and go.
Come and go. Come and go.
Oh, I'm there, baby.
Ooh!
Oh baby. I'm driving.
Was
that as good for you
as it was for me?
And next up,
we've got Jim on traffic.
Thanks, Rick. We're up
here in the traffic chopper.
Well, the skies are clear
and so are the roads,
ladies and gentlemen.
Over on Cabin Drive,
we only see two cars
in what appears to be some
sort of bloating text.
More soon from the
traffic chopper.
Piece of sh*t.
Are you guys okay?
Yeah, I knew I
should have taken it in
before we left.
Aw, this place is so beautiful.
Yeah, it's perfect.
It gives me the creeps.
Think they got
Chipotle out here?
We're sorry,
there's no service
in this horror film.
I can't get a signal.
Yeah, neither can I.
Who the f*ck is this?
Name's Hector Manual
Gonzalo Domingo III.
Well, you can call me Jay.
And you two must be
the lovely couple.
Damn, my sister
said you were hot.
You're fine as hell.
Actually, I am the bride.
Oh.
Your sister said you
had your license.
Mm-hm. Mm hm.
-To wed?
-Yeah.
Hmm, hmm, daddy likes.
Okay. And this is
my fiance Grant.
Thanks for making
the journey up.
All right, bro.
I got some to grab over here.
Watch that a*s.
Hmm, mm-hm-mm. Hmm.
Should be interesting.
It locked. How are we
supposed to get it?
Did they say they were
gonna leave a key?
No.
So I'll check round back.
Okay. Love you.
Oh, I love you.
Oh sh*t.
Why are you trespassing?
This is private property.
I, I rented the cabin for
my wedding this weekend.
Oh, well,
why didn't you say so, son?
The name's Walter Clayton
and I look after
this property here.
I'm Grant.
You sure gave me a
scare, Mr. Clayton.
You never
can be too careful
around these parts.
So where's the rest of your group?
Oof!
Most young people getting
married have no patience.
Something doesn't work at
it, they get a divorce.
Nothing good comes easy.
Welcome, everyone.
Where's the bathroom?
Down the hall.
There's no cord on this.
Oh, that's just for decoration.
You need to make a call,
you
come on down to my place.
Or I could do it later.
We got two bedrooms down there.
I got the master
bedroom up there
and there's another one down
there with a separate entrance.
Perfect. I'm gonna
go get changed.
I'm gonna,
I'm gonna go watch her change.
You could listen.
Is that just
for the old guy or-
I guess I'm down here.
Can I get in
on that as well?
We also have a lovely
garden in the back
with a brook nearby.
Oh, maybe that's where
we can have the ceremony.
What do you think?
Yeah, I like that
plan.
There'll be no sh**ting
drugs on my watch.
-Whoa.
-It's just insulin.
I'm a diabetic.
Huh!
I guess I'll be
checking in on you folks
a little later.
Now where are you
heading out to?
Oh, well, my cabin's
not too far from here.
About a quarter of a mile
through the woods.
Well, you know, we'd love to
have you at the reception.
Oh.
Hey, hey, bro. All
right, time to do this.
Let's cut those ba*ls off.
What?
Let's get you married.
Oh. Yeah.
I, Sarah, take you
Grant to be my husband.
I, Sarah, take you
Grant to be my husband.
Mm. To having to hold
from this day forward.
To having to hold
from this day forward.
Mm, mm, mm, mm.
Mm, mm, mm. That's
what I'm talking about.
Until death do us part.
Until death do us part.
That's beautiful.
That's just absolutely
f*ck' beautiful.
All right, well, by the
power of vested in me,
McKinley's online, "How to be
a pastor in 21 days or less,"
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
Go ahead bro, kiss your bride.
That's hot.
That's really f*cking
hot right there.
That is really cool.
Ah, lucky shot.
Oh, you don't think
I can do it again?
Hand me another bottle.
We had a few
callers trying to guess-
Watch and learn, b*tches.
Oh my God. I'm so sorry.
Are you all right?
f*ck that
guy. Am I all right?
First time
caller or just tuning in.
This old guy is starting
to creep me out.
I mean, what's the
deal with his voice?
Yeah. Yeah.
I just thought that I,
I would stop in and see
how you folks were doing,
how
the newlyweds were.
We're great.
I'm trying to guess
who our first m*rder
victim will be.
Are you gonna stick
around for some drinks?
I'm putting my
money on the black guy
or the Hispanic guy.
-Oh, no, I don't think so.
I wouldn't want, wanna intrude.
But first here's
some royalty-free music for you.
Well, somebody got
comfortable real quick.
Ah, he's just having
fun. Let him be.
Ah, I just wanna say
congratulations, man.
I'm real proud of you.
Thank you. I'm proud of me too.
I will tell you what, gentlemen.
There are some fine looking
ladies here tonight.
Mm, mm, mm, mm.
Except for Ginger over there.
I can do without that.
Right, bro?
You realize you're
talking about his bride
and my girlfriend, right, bro?
Yeah.
What about that one over there?
Yeah, I need to f*ck her.
Not in a weird way like
you guys are thinking,
like with my tongue.
Guys.
You better ride that
voice brains out tonight.
You are ridiculous.
Or I'll just get yours then.
You're married now. Who cares?
He will sleep well
tonight. Don't you worry.
Oh, you wh*re.
I love it. I'll be right
back.
So how long
have you been here?
I've lived here almost 30 years.
My, my wife and I
bought a small cabin,
not too far from here.
About a quarter of a
mile through the woods.
I've been the caretaker
of this property
ever since.
This house is great. The
owners owes you thanks.
Well, they sure do, but you
would never get it from them.
Bunch of selfish city folk.
I'll be back. Just a minute.
Daddy gotta go make
pee pee, all right.
And are you home
Where's your wife tonight?
Buried.
12 years ago, this August.
I'm so sorry.
They don't make 'em
like that anymore.
Was this hers?
I saw the sickness toy
with her for two years.
It took her mind first.
She was nothing but
a shell at the end.
I wouldn't wish that on anybody.
Um, I'm gonna fix
you another drink.
f*ck me. Where is it?
I'm not trying to
have no baby daddy.
Oh. Found you.
Jesus Christ. Little creepy.
Baby, come on. I didn't
mean to scare you.
What do you want?
Those people upstairs are lame.
Figured I'd come down
and hang out with you
for a little bit, mm.
Shouldn't he be gone
by now or something?
Come on. I see the
way you look at me.
You don't know what you're
talking about.
Are you f*cking
kidding right now?
Oh, hey man, we were just,
we were just talking.
Oh. What the f*ck?
Carter, get him.
No, no, no, no, no.
Will you have mercy
on me, please.
Hey, hey.
Relax, man.
-f*ck you, man.
What is going on?
This as*h*le tried to
force himself on me.
Bullshit! You've been
eye-f*cking me all g*dd*mn night.
Here you go.
f*ck you. I don't
need that sh*t.
You're a f*cking prick.
All right, let's not
let him ruin our night.
This had better
not become a habit.
If you folks can't
respect this house,
you are gonna have
to leave.
There'll be no more
problems, I promise.
Uh-huh.
You know, that was kind of hot.
It was, wasn't it?
Mm-hm.
Oh, I miss you, baby.
Kiss my lip. Kiss my lip.
Girl's off showing titty
to me all f*cking day long
and then he's, "Oh, I will
punch you in the face."
Try that sh*t again
and see what happens.
Ah!
Little stage fright, huh?
That's
what I'm talking about.
Mm, mm, mm, mm.
You'd never beat me up,
would you, little buddy?
You know I'd never
let anyone harm you.
Oh.
What the f*ck is this?
What? What the f*ck?
Oh no.
Holy f*cking sh*t!
No, no, no, no.
Help. Someone help me please.
Oh, sh*t.
Help. Please someone help.
f*ck.
What you say we ditch the
city and become country folk?
You'll
get bored in a week.
Mm, how can I possibly
get bored when I have you?
Ooh, you are good at
this husband thing.
Mm, I am getting the hang of it.
You don't mind that we
had a small wedding?
No, of course not.
I just wish our
parents could have been there.
Oh yeah.
Can we talk about
something else?
Yeah. I'm sorry, baby.
No, no, no, it's just,
you know I don't want
to talk about them
and I can get into
trouble with you.
Well, what a bad,
I want a little
something like what?
Bottom up I
went, I went into the woods.
Lemme tell you something.
Black people don't
go into the woods-
Is it weird that I'm here?
In the kitchen?
No,
stupid. Here. Here.
-What do you mean?
-I don't know.
I get the feeling like Sarah
doesn't really want me here.
Why wouldn't she want you here?
-Morning.
-Morning.
Morning, sir.
Sleep well?
Like the dead.
Yeah.
Hey, you want to help
me find the football?
And then
that m*therf*cker asked me
to help him find a football.
Sure.
What
the f*ck he going around
looking for a football
for in the woods?
-Hmm.
-Hmm.
But for real, though,
I think that m*therf*cker
was just trying
to get his d*ck sucked.
I can take it from here.
Nah, f*ck that sh*t.
Okay.
Are you sure I can't
give you a hand?
Oh yeah. Thanks, but I
know how he likes it.
To get an update
on our traffic situation.
Jim, how's it looking up there?
Thanks, Rick.
Roads are still clear,
and we have what looks
like your typical
throwing the football
scene going on.
These people are really-
God, my head is k*lling me.
What the f*ck do you expect
after drinking that much?
I just hope it's not a migraine.
At least you don't
have to stick a needle
in your a*s every day.
-Nice.
-There was at least two...
I don't know my own strength.
That's one way to look at it.
Can I seal you for a minute?
Only a minute?
Yo, can I ask you a question?
-Eight inches.
-No, not that, please.
-Seven and a half.
-I don't believe you,
by the way, okay.
Do you-What do you wanna know?
Do you really think
that she's the one?
Yeah. Sure.
Why? How do you know?
I, look at 'em.
It's like, I don't know,
they're both white.
They, they got hair.
Like, just f*ck'
catch the ball.
I guess she is.
Heads up.
He's fine.
He is not fine. We
don't know that.
Look, he's probably embarrassed.
Why? Why would he
be embarrassed?
Because Carter beat
the sh*t out of him.
I wouldn't show
my face just yet.
Okay.
The guy is a creep. Who
cares what happened to him?
I just don't want him
coming back around later
and starting another fight.
He's probably waking up
next to that bottle
of scotch right now.
We have already had our
fair share of interruptions.
Okay, I'll tell you what,
if he's not back soon,
I'll go get Walter and
we'll look for him.
Sound good?
Ugh.
Come on. Where are you going?
Ooh.
What do we got
going out there, Sherry?
Yeah, Susie,
there's not much to report.
This just seems
like it'll be one
of those character
development/filler scenes.
One thing is for certain,
someone is going to die soon.
You guys wanna make new teams?
This doesn't really seem fair.
I will.
Ooh.
Ooh.
This isn't strip spade.
Yeah, I don't think they care.
They're in their own world.
Nothing's wrong with
having a little fun, Grant.
Thank you. And I might have a
different definition of fun.
Come on. Let's see
the goods.
Take it off.
I think will keep our
clothes on, thanks.
I can speak for myself.
Thank you very much.
I'm sorry. I forgot you
like to live dangerously.
You don't think
I'd do it, do you?
Well, I did say that.
Well, I think
that's a challenge.
Dani. Dani. Dani. Dani.
Dani. Dani. Dani. Dani.
Dani. Dani. Dani. Dani.
Dani. Dani. Dani. Dani.
Dani. Dani. Dani. Dani.
Dani. Dani.
I've been waiting
for this for years.
I know what I know.
Boo.
Oh, you basic b*tch.
I guess you
didn't know me pretty well.
Hmm.
Who wants to eat my cake?
Hmm, it sounds good, but
I gotta go look for Jay.
Right now? It's getting late.
It's fine. Carter
will come with me.
No, he won't.
Okay, I'll go find Walter
and the two of us
to look for him.
Just hurry back.
I will. Save me some cake.
It's f*cking delicious.
I'm gonna lick it.
Yeah. I can't even eat it.
Does it taste better with titty?
Mr. Clayton.
You there?
Great.
Poof!
Jesus.
A little jumpy. Are we?
What the hell you
doing out here?
I figured you could use a hand.
And I know how scared
you get in the dark.
Next time just leave with me.
Where's
the fun in that?
What are you kids
doing out here tonight?
The guy who took off last night?
The whiskey stealer.
Is the one.
He hasn't come back yet.
And you thought
now is a good time
to send out a search party?
Well-
We figured you knew these
woods better than anyone.
Ah, you wanna track him? Huh?
You've
come to the right place.
Well, come on.
Let's gotta move on.
What's with the crossbow?
Bears.
You've k*lled
bears with that thing.
Sure.
Takes a couple of shots of it.
First one just pisses
them off.
It makes me sick
but I can't stop watching.
Leave them alone.
They're in love.
You call that love?
As far as
inside the cabin,
it's almost impossible
to see what's going on.
But if I had to guess
and I'm just sh**ting
in the dark here, Susie,
the black guy is
about to get some
and then somebody's dying.
We're about to put the traffic
chopper down for the night,
so we'll check back in tomorrow
or about 15 minutes
later in the film.
Susie.
Thanks,
Jim, fascinating-
Oh my God,
they're so f*ck' gross.
-you know mama likes a piece
of chocolate cake every
now and again too.
What do we have here?
Looks like we're headed
in the right direction.
Are we going to have to
listen to this all night?
Ow.
Aw, aw.
I think I need to sit down
for a second.
Seriously.
I wanna pick you up
We'll sit about down
Tell me it's yours baby
Who gives a sh*t
No, no, sh*t.
Did we do that?
Oh, oh, God. It's
so good.
What are you doing?
You didn't hear that?
Hear what?
Just shut up for a second.
Don't tell me to shut up.
Why are you putting
your boxers back on?
Where are you going?
Now, where were we?
Sarah. Sarah.
Sarah. Sarah.
Sarah. Sarah. Sarah. Sarah.
Sarah.
Oh, welcome back.
-What happened?
-You fainted.
What's the matter
with the lights?
They went out?
Yeah, we should go down to the
cellar and flip the breaker.
Get these lights back on.
Cellar?
Yeah. Where else would it be?
Okay, be right back.
No, don't leave me.
All right.
We'll go together.
You wonder why a guy
would just wander off
like that by himself.
I mean, we're in the
middle of the woods.
Anything could happen.
There is bears, badgers, bees,
bats, birds, bees, badger,
Birds, bats, badger.
-Mr. Clayton.
Bees.
Walter.
Mr. Clayton.
Oh sh*t.
Right behind.
Okay.
Oh yeah, there is no way
I'm going down there.
Oh God, Sarah, you're
such a f*cking p*ssy.
I am not.
I just don't wanna go
into a dark cellar.
All right, I will do it, okay.
You don't wanna get
your nails broken.
Okay, we don't need lip.
Okay, shut up.
-Just hurry.
-Shush.
I'm not gonna be out here long.
-Can you shut up?
-Okay. Bye.
Holy f*ck, it's dark in here.
Honey.
I am gonna go upstairs and look
for a flashlight, all right?
Mr. Clayton.
Mr. Clayton?
Dani, he's gone.
Dani?
Mh, someone
persistent tonight.
I can reserve for one more.
I don't think that you are
gonna find your friend tonight.
Mr. Clayton, are you okay?
Yeah, I just twisted my
ankle on the way down.
We should get going. Start
again in the morning.
Dani.
Hey. Listen, listen.
Do you know you are way back?
Huh?
I can't make it up there.
A quarter of a mile
through the woods.
That's where we're headed.
Dani.
Hey, come on now.
She's a smart girl.
I'm sure she's already
headed back.
Dani.
Now, come on,
gimme a hand, here.
Ah. Oh sh*t. Sorry.
Oh my God.
Okay.
Bingo.
All right.
Why are you standing
in the dark?
No need to thank me.
Aah!
Baby. Daddy's coming.
Trish, I fixed the lights.
You're not still
mad at me, are you?
She's definitely dead
Can I find out
where my baby is
Can I please
She is definitely dead
Trish.
Trish is definitely dead
He's just been gone a long time.
I don't think it's honestly
been that long, seriously.
It's okay.
There you are.
Is Dani back yet?
I didn't realize she left.
-We got split up.
-Where's Jay?
Nowhere to be found.
-Where did you go?
-Were you in my room?
I thought I heard
something in the woods.
Hey, you guys seen Trish?
Well, how did you
find your way back?
I just retraced our steps.
In the dark?
Guys, where's Trish?
I don't know, but I've been
hearing you two all night.
Thank you.
She probably ran off
with a Hispanic guy.
Look, we've all
had a long night.
Let's just calm down.
I've had it with this place.
Where are you going?
To find Trish.
I doubt she's wandering
around this late by herself.
That's what I'm afraid of.
Well, if you go after her,
then tomorrow we'll be looking
for three instead of two.
What are you doing?
What does it look like?
You can't go back out there?
He's gonna get lost. He
doesn't know where he is.
And you do?
Jay and Trish clearly
don't wanna be found.
Let them do their thing and
we'll find them in the morning.
Just let him go.
This is supposed to
be our time together.
Carter.
Your lady friends are right.
Nobody's
finding anybody out here tonight.
Come down to my place
when you get up.
I'll help you find your friends.
Welcome
to "Bending Stress Away."
I will guide you
stretch by stretch
through a simple
set of exercises
that will really dig deep,
spread you nice and wide,
penetrate your insides
and open you up.
I'm sorry.
These stretches usually
last longer, I swear.
This has never happened
to me, honestly.
What's wrong.
I just wish you'd listen to me.
I don't want you
getting hurt out there.
I can take care of myself.
You don't have to worry.
Carter's a big boy. He can
take care of himself too.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
He's lucky to have
you as a friend.
I'm lucky to have you.
Let's try and get some rest.
I love you.
I love you too.
Try and keep it down.
Caller,
you're on the air.
Who do you think the k*ller is?
My money's on
the Puerto Rican fellow
who got his knob
shot off at the-
No, Trish. What a surprise.
I'm just glad he
found his way back.
You know, I thought
having him shut up
for a while would cheer me up,
but it's just bumming me out.
You'd be sad too
if the person you loved
ran off of someone else.
No, no one is worth
that much fuss.
If I'm able to still
be this age with no d*ck-
-Hmm.
-f*ck.
Good morning for you too.
Is everything okay?
Mm-hm. Yeah, I just,
just missed you.
Oh baby, don't worry,
I'm not going anywhere.
It's an
interesting take,
and I'm sorry to hear
about your p*nis.
Jim.
-What?
How's the traffic
looking out there?
-Harder.
-Same sh*t, different day.
It looks like the
black guy is on the-
Be back as soon as I can.
The goofy
looking white guy
is hot on his tail again.
Carter, would you
slow down for Christ sake?
Open your f*cking door.
Get your a*s up, old man.
He's probably in
the bathroom or something.
f*ck it. Sick of waiting.
Whoa. The hell are you doing?
Let go. What does it
look like I'm doing?
Looks like you lost your mind.
Come on, drop it.
Put it down.
Put it down.
Put down the f*cking stick.
Happy?
Yeah. Thanks
Goddammit! Carter.
I told him I need
a man, not a little boy.
Good for you.
You need
to treat me right
if you wanna get in the woods.
Any special someone
in your life, Dani?
Nope.
Come on. There's no guy or...
To the woods and
all of their friends-
I've always been much
better on my own.
Amen sister.
Talking about
murders in cabins woods.
-I'm gonna make some snacks.
-Back to our callers
to find out what's been
happening out there in the woods,
today's episode is brought
to you by Random Wooden Axes.
You never wondered what it
would be like to settle down?
Not really.
That's hard to believe.
Why?
Well, you've been friends
with guys your whole life.
You never thought maybe
you could see yourself
with one of them?
No.
-Really?
-Not at all.
Or even the
mysterious lady best friend
- who's throwing- - What?
- Some major vibes- - Nothing.
-To wife's new husband.
-No, say it.
It's just I see the
way you look at Grant.
Sarah, you've got it all wrong.
He and I are just friends.
I said that about him once.
Believe me, Grant
is not my type.
Caller, your in the air.
I know who's
been k*lling everyone
in that house in the court.
- The m*rder*r is- - sh*t!
What's wrong?
The power's out again.
Oof!
Well, I think I'm
gonna get cleaned up.
Are you coming?
Maybe I should
have stayed upstairs.
Quit complaining.
It is really
dark down here.
I think it's right
around this corner.
What's that?
Oh my gosh. She dead?
Please say she wasn't dead.
Please tell me she wasn't dead.
You f*cking saw her.
Dani, we gotta get
outta this place, sh*t.
I'm not leaving without him.
I'm not leaving without him.
Dani, we gotta go.
Trish, can you hear me?
Trish? Jay
you're out there?
f*ck Jay.
We gotta find them both.
That piece of sh*t
is on his own.
You're not gonna be
in any help to Trish
if you don't keep it together.
Don't talk to me like
I'm a f*cking idiot.
If you were Sarah out here,
you wanna be this calm.
I understand that
you're worried.
You don't understand sh*t.
Your b*tch is at home right now.
Yeah, she's no Trish.
That's for sure.
f*ck you.
I dare you to say
that sh*t to me again.
She has no Trish.
That's for sure.
Say it one more time.
She has no Trish.
That's for sure.
-Guys, what's going on?
Say that to my face.
She's no Trish. That's for sure.
Back off.
f*ck you both. I'll
find her on my own.
f*ck.
I figured you guys
could use some help.
Clearly I was right.
Come on, let's find these two
and get the hell out of here.
She's no
Trish. That's for sure.
What are you doing?
What does it
look like I'm doing?
I'm getting the
hell out of here.
We can't go.
Trish is dead.
We can't just leave everyone.
Beth, you're starting
to freak me out.
Fine, I will wait for the rest,
but until then,
No one f*ck with us.
It's like, you know I'm out
there trying to help him
and he shifts it all around
trying to make me look like
I'm some kind of as*h*le.
-You are an as*h*le.
-What?
If it weren't for Carter,
I never would've known
you were getting married.
Dani.
Were you even gonna tell me
you were getting married?
I-
Like I said, an as*h*le.
We are sorry,
there's still no service
in this horror film.
Please hang up and try
again in the sequel.
Yes, you, the black
guy hanging out
with all the dumb white idiots.
Oh sh*t.
sh*t.
Oh sh*t.
Sarah, get over here quickly.
- What if- - Shut
your f*cking mouth.
m*therf*cker.
Baby. Oh my God.
That's one hell of a
way to welcome us back.
Why can't she use the front
door like a normal person?
Are you okay?
Yeah. Yeah. I'll be fine.
Where is Carter?
He wandered into the woods.
-We found Trish.
-Great.
-She's dead.
-Great.
She's dead?
Are you serious?
Is, is she serious?
She's dead.
Glad to see you ladies got
the lights working again.
Oh God.
We should bring her upstairs.
What were you doing
out there with Grant?
What do you mean?
Come on, Dani. Cut the sh*t.
What are you talking about?
I see the way you look at him.
You don't think I know
what you've been doing?
He is not my type.
Would both of you shut
the up on the lamp?
What a total psychopath!
You're right
about that, Susie.
She's definitely no
Trish. That's for sure.
In other news, random tarps
has done a complete recall
on all of their blue tarps.
Customers should not handle
or wrap loved ones
dead corpses in them.
If they do, however,
definitely stand clear-
I'm getting the
f*ck out of here.
-Just calm down.
-You stay away from me.
What are doing?
-You all are f*cking crazy.
-Middle of our big cl*max.
Just a few minutes away.
Beth, come on.
Beth come on. Open the door.
Beth.
Come on. Open up.
Honey, nothing is going
to happen to you out here.
Beth.
Beth.
You know you got to pay
for that lamp, right?
Because I'm not ready for it.
Beth.
She better
cover that lamp.
My Airbnb rating is
going downhill fast
because of this.
Beth.
Beth.
-Beth.
Grant, do something.
Beth, stand back.
Beth.
Oh f*ck. Beth.
sh*t.
Jay's car.
sh*t.
Check the visor.
f*ck.
Come on.
What are
you waiting for?
What is he doing?
Grant,
just get back here.
Don't you dare go-
I'll check under the hood.
You try to start it.
Whoa. What are you doing?
It's Clayton.
He k*lled Trish and
gutted Jay like a pig.
Just get in the car and
let the police handle this.
Get outta my way.
You're putting us
all at risk here.
Come on.
-Stop yelling.
-I'm not playing now.
Neither am I.
Dani.
What the f*ck is going on?
Baby, get outta the car.
What is it?
Yep, you guessed it.
Still no service
out here, as*h*le.
Please hang up and get the
f*ck out there before it's-
f*ck.
Still nothing?
There no reception
at this place.
Mr. Clayton said that there
was a phone line in his house.
The line is cut.
I checked.
It was just his head.
There was nobody.
It was just a head.
Yeah, we know. We saw it.
Fighting isn't gonna
solve this problem.
Bitching about it isn't either.
And what do you suggest?
We could switch the tires
on the two cars.
We could take the
tires off of Jay's car
and put them on Grant's.
We should just lock
this place down,
wait until morning
and walk back to town.
We could get the hell
out of here tonight.
Yeah, agreed.
All right, let's say
we switched the tires.
We go as a group,
stand in the open,
waiting for some
sick f*ck to k*ll us.
Her feet moved.
Her f*cking feet are moving.
She's still alive.
No, she isn't.
Yes, she is. I saw it.
Stuff like that happens
after people die.
No, no, she's still
alive. I know it.
Jesus Christ.
Hey Trish, you alive?
See? Still dead.
Dani, what the f*ck?
-Are you okay?
-No, I'm not okay.
This is supposed to be the
best weekend of our lives.
What do you want me to do?
Get her the f*ck away
from me.
Gimme a hand.
The best room.
-sh*t!
-Oh sh*t!
Grant, I...
Dani.
This isn't how I
saw things going.
I know.
It's not what it looks like.
-Sarah.
-I love you.
Sorry.
Grant.
Sarah.
-What's going on?
-Grant?
Oh God.
-Grant.
-Sarah.
Grant.
-Grant.
-Sarah.
Grant.
Perfect.
Oh f*ck.
f*ck.
You f*cking b*tch.
Sarah, where are you?
Carter?
g*dd*mn!
What's wrong with you?
No. No.
No, no, no, no, no,
no, no.
No, no.
No. No. Sarah.
Stay with me, baby.
Talk to me.
I love you.
Hey Joey, we got
another body over here.
That's f*cked up, Rico.
Hey Nicky.
Is it in the bed?
Nah, it went
under a f*cking car.
-All right.
-If it ain't in the bed,
then f*ck him, right?
Rico, you heard the man.
Let's get the outta here.
This doesn't make any sense.
Everyone's dead.
But we made it through.
Why would she do this?
It's amazing what some
people would do for love.
Let's get the hell outta here.
Oh.
What's wrong?
I forgot my jacket.
Okay, I'll get it.
No, no.
I'll only be a minute.
It's amazing what some
people would do for our love.
I, Sarah, take you,
Grant, to be my husband.
I Sarah, take you,
Grant, to be my husband.
What is going on?
Time to do this. Let's
cut those ba*ls out.
Nothing's wrong.
We just having a
little fun, Grant.
This supposed to be
our time together.
Come on, let's see
the goods.
You are ridiculous.
Or I'll just get yours then.
Most young people getting
married have no patience.
My wife and I
bought a small cabin
quarter of a mile
through the woods.
Where's your wife tonight?
Buried.
It's just
insulin. I'm a diabetic.
Beth, you are
starting to freak me out.
No one is worth that much fuss.
We have already had our
fair share of interruptions.
At least you don't
have to stick a needle
in your a*s every day.
Your b*tch
is at home right now.
Carter's a big boy. He can
take care of himself too.
I've had it with this place.
He's lucky to
have you as a friend.
You f*cking b*tch.
We lived three
houses down from one another
so we spent a lot of
time growing up together.
You'd be sad too if
the person you loved ran off
with someone else.
Sarah, you've got it all wrong.
What were you
doing out there with Grant?
He is not my type.
You don't think I know
what you've been doing?
Do you really
think that she's the one?
To have and to hold
from this day forward
'till death do us part.
You have everything?
I do now.
Jim Reynolds here
in the traffic chopper.
Looks like the weather is
clearing up down there.
No cars on the road
and just a couple of
bodies on the ground.
Susie.
Thanks, Jim.
We have a developing
story happening
and it doesn't look
good for another group.
We're going to head
live to Sherry Mallick
reporting from the field
Sherry.
Thanks, Susie.
On the night of
Friday, September 22nd,
the Miller's Airbnb was
bustling with activity
from a group of friends
renting out their cabin
for a small wedding
weekend celebration.
But when they returned
on Monday morning,
it was a completely
different story.
John and Tina Miller had been
living in the Westchester area
since they sold their ice
cream store down on Route 9
about eight years ago.
They bought a small cabin
not too far from the Hudson,
and eventually decided it
could be a secondary source
of income for them.
Things were going quite
well for the couple
until this past weekend
when they returned
and all of their
renters were dead.
One was shot with a crossbow,
one had her throat slit,
one was hacked in
the face with an ax,
and another was completely
decapitated, probably by the ax.
And by the looks of it,
it was a Random Wooden Ax.
The last two victims were
impaled in the master bedroom
in what appears to have been
a poisoning of some sort,
although the toxicology
report has not come back yet.
The Millers became alarmed
when they tried to ring
their caretaker on Sunday,
but the phone lines were cut.
When speaking with Tina,
she mentioned there
were seven people
that had their names
down on the rental.
And we can confirm that the
caretaker of the property,
72-year-old Walter Clayton,
was among the casualties.
Tina mentioned that
Mr. Clayton was responsible
for looking after their cabin
when renters were there.
She said he and his late
wife had a small cabin nearby
about a quarter mile
through the woods.
Authorities and neighbors
are on high alert,
warning anyone heading
to a cabin this weekend
to avoid all crossbows,
knives, axes, sharp objects,
poisons, and especially
decapitations.
Now, I'm not a mathematician,
but six bodies
including the caretaker
and seven were on
the lease agreement,
sounds like case
is closed to me.
A real grim site
over here, Susie.
But on the bright side, looks
like the sun is coming up
and it's going to
be a beautiful day.
Sherry Mallick,
"Channel 5 News."
Hmm.
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Another Cabin in the Woods Movie (2024)
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