02x06 - Damnesia Vu

[bunniefuu]

Xavier: [ echoing ] what is

This place, and who am i?

I don't remember my name.

All I remember is that I don'

Know my name and that I can'

Remember if I do know my, um,

Uh, I have the strange feeling

That I've forgotten all of this

Before.

I forget if I remember tha

These doors have always been

Here.

I tried the blue one.

Hurry! Take the g*n, man!

Xavier: huh?

What is this for?

Come on!

Did you forget everything?!

We went over this!

You're in charge of security for

The mayor!

Xavier: no compadre your

Speeky-spaniol.

This town elected a donkey

Mayor as a scathing indictmen

Of our jackass political system,

But the powers that be want him

Dead!

'Member?

You've got to protect him.

[ g*nsh*t, donkey brays ]

It was him!

I saw him do it!

Why else would he have a g*n?!

Xavier: hee-huh?

[ Gavel bangs ]

I swear, I didn't sh**t the

Mayor.

You are not on trial for

sh**ting the mayor.

You are on trial for being on

Trial.

Xavier: but I'm innocent.

By proclaiming your

Innocence, it proves you're on

Trial.

What say you, jury?

[ All babbling ]

It's a jury of your mental

Peers.

Xavier: what sort of law is

This?

Laws? Laws are ill*gal here!

Guilty!

I sentence thee to three

Glimpses into your own soul.

Xavier: [ scoffs ]

I could do that with my third

Eye tied behind my back.

Very well. Seven glimpses!

Xavier: no-o-o-o!

And as your new mayor, I

Declare the concerns of this

Township shall no longer be

Donkey concerns but shall be

Human concerns.

And I vow to protect the

Children of this town from our

Local human-baby r*pist

And a gas-tax holiday!

[ Crowd cheering ]

Thank you!

[ Applause ]

Xavier: I haven't forgotten

You.

I know what your butt did to

That boy!

This must mean I saved a life.

I'm some sort of life savior?

Wonder where's my reward.

Bingo doodle attainment of more

Enlightened level of being!

I have graduated to this

Advanced realm.

It feels so right.

I've never felt more -- oh!

[ Chomps ]

Xavier: what is all this?

A test?

Reveal your intentions!

Show either your face or your

Body -- ooh!

Soon.

Xavier: I don't have to stand

Here and take lip from the

Lipless.

I'm leaving, like a tree makes.

[ Grunts ]

You can consume my dust.

Don't let my an*s mudcake your

Door on my way out.

You can flush me fromst the

Toilette of your mind, because

I'm pissed-tory.

You can kiss and lick and caress

And coddle and swallow my swee

a*s goodbye.

And take your time.

I'll be here all day.

Fine. I'll rub it myself.

[ Man speaking backwards ]

I'm too late.

If I'd abetted this poor mea

In time, he'd still be a

Delicious man.

Healed?!

In this odd dominion, driving

Backwards over people can mend

Them.

People, hurry!

Get in the way!

I'm committing vehicular

Man-burger helper, and it tastes

Like pure liquid relief.

Best part is I'm helping the

Earth, getting negative-30 miles

To the gallon.

[ Siren wailing ]

Oh, the cops want to horn in

On my heal deal.

I'll let 'em co-bask in my

Reflected glory.

Huh.

I seem to have bruises and lumps

On my face.

Four words, men.

Thanks.

Count 'em 'n' weep.

Ooh, free shrimp.

I don't feel so good.

My tummy hurts.

I've got to hit the head.

Is it through there?

This isn't it.

[ Sniffs ]

Smells like a real creep been

In this room.

Is it through here?

I'll just go in here.

Hey!

Hey!

Animals out there.

So this place is all random,

Huh?

Okay, I'm gonna go in

That door.

[ Echoing] out-randomed.

Huh.

A land of primitive simpletons.

I must be here to tutor these

Dark dim-dongs.

Attention, people.

I shall shine my rays o'

Enlightenment unto you, brighter

Than the big glowing orange

Thing -- the, uh, whatchama--

You know, the big, dumb hot ball

In the sky.

This freak insult sun god.

We must sacrifice a virgin.

Xavier: if these be my las

Words, then I'd like to leave

This world with one thought --

Me no wanna die, mommy!

[ Wailing ]

We now sacrifice this demon

To the great sun god,

Quetzecoitelakalaka--

[ Gagging ]

The great sun god's name

Cannot be spoken, for it is

Pronounced quetzeco-- [ gagging]

Uh, let's just cut to

Sacrifice.

Xavier: ugh!

Please get my mommy so I can

Tell on you!

You can't shuffle off this

Mortal-goyle.

Guess my death wasn't in the

Tarot three cards, monty.

Zuma!

This sac-ri-farce is no way to

Appease the dei-dees.

Let's give this sadis-d*ck

Sun god a taste of his own

Meta-meta sin, man.

Go summon him.

[ Fanfare ]

Let's see how you like it.

[ Panting ]

Xavier: you people have

Angered the gods!

Why?!

But I have an idea.

We must sacrifice someone to

Cuckold and pacify this

Mexi-global w*r, mang.

[ Chomps ]

Xavier: I can't be a

Hypo-grist.

I'll commit sacri-cide.

[ Dramatic music plays ]

I believe I said "good day,"

Weird room.

[ Light music plays ]

[ Birds chirping ]

[ Squishing ]

I knew if I bode my time, I'd

Eventually win my way with you,

Love.

But I loved him.

[ Dramatic music plays ]

Xavier: if this is your idea

Of a joke, I'd like to be

Subjected to a tragedy.

[ Wind whistling ]

Why are you doing this?!

Do you believe in god?

Yes.

Do you believe in god?

[ Crying ] yes.

[ Sheep bleat ]

Do you believe in god?

Xavier: that's a complicated

Question.

It depends on what you mean by

"God."

You see, I --

Yes or no!

Xavier: it helps no one to be

Reductive.

I believe that that we are here

Implies to some degree tha

There are forces larger than us.

Now, we can get into the

Semanticalities of --

Yes or no!

Xavier: the very notion of

Belief itself can be

Rhetorically whittled to the

Bare nub of its meaning.

I'd like to talk to you a lo

More about this.

Would you be interested in

Reading some of my literature?

No!

[ g*nsh*t ]

[ Beep ]

Xavier: so, it was me all

Along.

Now I understand what's

Happening in here.

I just need to go through the

Black door.

God has put me through his

Reamer, but I've come out the

Other side with his calling

In my ear.

[ Crying ] this is how

Starving people cry.

Xavier: a crying lady!

I'll help you. I'm a feminist.

I'll make sexism my b*tch.

Sexism will be like

[ High-pitched voice ] "ooh,

Xavier, you're so strong.

Kissy, kissy. You can hit me.

I like it

[ Normal voice ] rough"!

Honey, I found a corn

Nibl-- huh?

Have you seen my ex-wife?

She was just here.

Xavier: I have some bad news

And a snack for you.

How can I break this easy?

Do I smell food?

Xavier: mother!

Sure! Help yourself!

You're so kind.

For the first time ever, I wan

To give you a hug, son.

Go on, get your hug.

Free grinder.

Hey, don't just tell him to

Take the hug.

Tell him to kick her in the

Face, too.

Don't just tell him to kick

Her in the face!

Tell him to kick larry in the

Face as well!

Okay. I -- wait.

Who's larry?

Larry's the first demon.

Really?

I thought his name was gus.

Gus?

What kind of name is gus?

Well, what's your name?

My name is

Goldurn b. Taintnone -- as in

'Tain't none of your goldurn

Beeswax! -- The 3rd.

Will you guys quit dickering?

[ Lisping ] let us focus on

Getting this grinder.

Hey, you know what, everyone?

I actually have a grinder he can

Have.

Here.

Don't spend it all in one place.

Wha?

[ Lisping ] don't bend it all in

Some space.

Wha?

Don't spit in oliver's face.

Wha?

Bones lend italians your waste.

Wha?

Telephone game's a disgrace.

Wha?

Chicka-ba goom wap mace.

Wha?

Don't spend it all in one place.

Xavier: what?

How did that get there?

Huh.

I'd love to hug you, mother.

[ Whispering ] right into my

Plan.

Slippytown villiage chili

Slide park, yeah ♪

Flume through the

Loop-de-legume con carne and

Chill in our scalding

Three-alarm kiddie pool!

I bean slidin' down the

Beef pipe all day!

You'll jalapeño pants.

Xavier: I've got nothing to

Add to that.

[ Wind whistling ]

[ Insects buzzing ]

That didn't work.

I'm not moving until you tell me

What this is all about!

[ Clanking ]

Sir, do you know how to make all

Of this stop?

Hurry! Take the g*n!

You've got to protect the mayor!

[ g*nsh*t ]

Xavier: only one door left to

Try.

Its always the last door holds

Thy deepest reward.

I don't want to play with

Dollies, mommy.

I want to ramble the world to

Help folks.

[ Crying ]

Xavier: what's wrong, little

Girl?

I can't go to heaven 'cause

I'm g*y.

Xavier: I'll smuggle you to

Heaven via the under-brown

Male-road.

Once I shove you up this

Trojan arse, you'll be the firs

g*y h*m* in heaven.

Ugh!

Xavier: the blacky robinson

Uncle-tom crusoe-mo!

Yahoo! Yay!

[ Alarm blaring ]

Intruder alert!

There has been a breach in the

System!

Heaven will self-destruct in

10 Seconds if the intruder does

Not reveal themselves.

109

Okay, it's me.

You have sacrificed yourself

For the good of the whole.

You are the new messiah.

What will be your first act as

Messiah?

My first act is to drop the

Act!

Now let me get some white women

For the first black man in

Heaven!

Xavier: I give up.

I lay my queen down and

Sore-end her.

I concede.

Try opening all the doors a

Once.

Xavier: [ echoing ] yes.

Overload the system!

We

Are

All

Just

Play

Ers

In

The

Game

Of

Life!

[ Thud ]

Congratulations.

You may now begin to play the

Game.

Xavier: [ echoing ] of life.

[ Applause ]