06x16 - You Poor Saps

[bunniefuu]

[Chris]: Last time,
on Total Drama Island...

We made a big splash on
the world's most uninsurable
waterslides.

Bodies were bruised
and buttered.

And in the end,
team Rat Face won immunity

when Damien risked it all in
the bravest launch of the game.

Millie tricked him
and pushed him

down a slide no one else
even dared to try.

Harsh!

And since Chase was all talk
and no slide,

the Skunk Butts gave him
the old heave-h*.

Wondering who'll get hurt
today?

I'm good with anyone but me,
here, on Total.

Drama.

Island!

♪ Hey what's up
I'm here to slay ♪

♪ Don't know why the rest
Even bother to stay ♪

♪ I know the game
And I brought the skill ♪

♪ Crushing player's dreams
Yeah you know the drill ♪

♪ I wanna be
I wanna be ♪

♪ I wanna be famous ♪♪

[Caleb]: I'm glad we won
that challenge

but I still can't believe
she did that to you.

- Heyy...

Mornin' team.

Come on guys,
let's get out of here

before she pushes
one of us off a mountain.

- Is this still about me
sending Damien down
the four-point slide?

It won us the game!

- Well that doesn't make it
right!

- Come on, brochacho.

She's not worth it.

- I thought you were my friend

and you crushed me!
That crossed a line.

- Yeah, the finish line.

- You think this is funny?!

This is just like when Ripper
used Priya as a human shield.

If you haven't seen Season 1
yet,

Ripper used Priya
as a human shield.

[giggles]

Just keepin' you
in the loop, yo.

- You, Millie are a Ripper.

[dramatic gasps]

- No, I'm not.
I'm not.

Am I seriously a Ripper?

- Today, MK's posing
as an intern

at the morning production
meeting

so we can get an advantage
in the next challenge.

- Cheat.
It's so we can cheat.

- We're totally cheating.

- Listen up interns:
as you know,

today's challenge will involve
covering the kids in sap.

- But when it's over,
we gotta hit them

with this desappifying spray
right away.

'Cause nothing else on earth
will get this stuff off.

[both]: Bingo!

[Chris over PA]:
Hey campers!

It's challenge time.

Welcome to today's challenge,
you poor saps!

[whirring]

[screaming]

- What in the world?

[screaming]

- We got hosed, bro!
- Totally hosed.

- Ugh. What is this stuff?

- You are now covered in sap
from the rare ickisplat tree.

The world's stickiest sap.

- What?! Why?

- Better question: why didn't
I think of this years ago?

Now then...

Both teams need to get across
the island.

These are the two fastest
routes:

Avalanche Alley.

- That sounds bad.

[Chris]: And Danger Ridge.

- That sounds worse!

Why do you always gotta make
everything sound so deadly?!

- It's what they pay me for.

You have 30 minutes and I
suggest you "stick"

to these routes since
our woods can be treacherous.

The team with the most members
to arrive at the marked location

before the time limit is up
wins immunity.

- Hold on! Team Rat Face
has two more players than us!

- Again with the whining, man?

Priya took you to school
last time you complained
about the rules.

- Boom!
- Come on man,
quit your belly aching.

[laughs]

- Truth.

- Since when is Caleb
defending Priya?

- I feel like Priya's warming up
to this alliance idea.

Teaming up with
last season's winner...

Oh yeah.

- Come on, Bowie!
Everyone loves an underdog!

Unless they complain.

Then everyone hates them.

- But with all this sap on us,

won't it be hard to get
through the woods

without getting stuck
to stuff?

- Yes. Yes it will.

- Ohhh.

They're making the challenges
hard on purpose!

- Did you just get that?

- Nobody touch me!
Or each other! Or anything!

- What?! Ugh man,
now you tell me?

- Excellent! I'm excited
for this one already!

See you at the finish line!

Or... more likely not.

[honking]
- Let's go!

[tense music]

- A trek through the woods?
I was born for this.

- Two paths?
That's way too many choices!

- Maybe we should split up
in case one path is like,
impossible.

- Good thinking! Let's all take
the avalanche one,

except Millie.
She can take Danger Ridge.

Come on!

- Hey Millie, I was gonna take
Danger Ridge anyway.

We'll go together.

- Don't forget about me Champ!
You joining us Emma?

- I'm with you guys.
Let's move!

- Come on, we're losing ground!

- Everybody follow me!

- Why?! We're supposed to be
going this way!

- I've got a short cut that'll
guarantee us a win today!

[gasps]
- You do?

Show us the way MK!

- Those two are so sus.

But there's no way
they'd sabotage the team...

At least not when I've still got
voting numbers on my side.

- I'm leading them to a load
of sap remover that I stashed.

- It's only cheating
if you get caught,

otherwise it's called winning.

- Well a shortcut would be
faster, right?

- For sure, shortcut would be
a dumb name if it took longer.

- Good point, let's go!

- Fine.

- You guys go ahead,
I'll catch up.

Never.

Sure, MK's gotta shortcut,

but if I go with my team

there's no chance of getting
alone time with Axel.

- Hey, you can come back
from this.

- I don't see how.
I totally blew it.

- It was one mistake!
You panicked.

Probably 'cause you didn't read
the training binder.

- You knew?! I'm so sorry!

I planned to! I just got busy
and then--

- Millie! It's cool!
I really don't care!

Anyway, I'm not the one you need
to be apologizing to.

Right?
- Totally!

I'm gonna fix things with
Damien right now!

- Yes! Now there's
the Millie I know.

Good luck, girl!

- What's that smell?
[sniffing]

It's like old gym socks
and desperation.

- Oh! Hey.

We took the same route.

- Yeah, so what?

- Great minds think--
[gasps]

[rustling]

What is it?
- Shh. Grab a weapon.

[dramatic music]

- Ha. It's just a bunny rabbit.

[roaring]

[screaming]

Uh-oh.
- Way to go Butterboy!

- She has a nickname for me.
- It's a burn!

- Still a nickname.

- They're stuck butt to butt.

- Beautiful.
Just beautiful.

- I've done survival training.

Shark attacks,
zombie outbreaks,

alien invasions.
But nothing, ooh,

nothing prepared me for being
stuck to this guy's butt.

- You got to admit,
they are pretty firm.

- That's it.
Get off of me!!

- Boom! Desappifying spray.

- Whoa! Sap remover just,
like,

lyin' in the middle of
your short cut?!

That's so lucky!

- Haha! Yeah,
what are the chances, bro!

Score!

- Wow. Just... wow.

- Guys! MK stole this spray
from the production trailer

and planted it.

- Uh. Hold up.

That almost sounds like...

[whispering]
cheating.

- No, no, no.

It sounds exactly like
cheating.

- But cheating is...
wrong!

- Not as wrong as losing
three challenges in a row.

- This isn't really cheating.

It just gives us a slight
advantage

that Rat Face doesn't have.

[whispering]: And we have to
lie about it if asked.

[groaning]

Oh, come on.
Rules are meant to be broken.

- Well, Wayne and I will not
be cheating.

- You got that right, bud!

[both]: Hoot, hoot!

Huh. That's not good.

- Ah it's fine!
Snow Owl's never quit!

- True that, Rajie!

[both]: Hoot, hoot!

- Oopsies.
- Oh boy.

Maybe we can--
- Ow!

[overlapping chatter]

- What if we--
- Maybe we can--

- Nope.
- Oh darn.

[indistinct chatter]

- Ugh! I'm just gonna
spray them.

- No wait! I wanna see
how tangled they get.

[intense music]

- Zee! Keep up!

- I don't like to move
through life too fast.

I wanna make the good
times last, dude.

[twinkling]
Whoa!

I gotta find the end
of that rainbow.

At the end of every rainbow
is a pot of gold,

and I know that's legit 'cause
it is against the law

to lie in cereal
commercials.

- So you're sure you wanna hitch
your wagon to that.

[struggling]

- Starting to rethink it.

- Okay, I can't watch
this anymore.

[both]: No, no, no, no, no--

- Wow. I, like, never
appreciated

not being covered in sap until
I was covered in sap.

- You said it, bro.

I feel way cleaner and...

so very dirty.

- You'll feel better
when we win.

[both]: Aw!

- Hold up.
Something's wrong.

This path is way too easy.

[whispering]: Shh! You want
Chris to hear you?!

[Chris over PA]: Release
the dodge ba*ls!

- What dodge ba*ls?!

- Damien, I found you!
- Dodge ball avalanche!

[dramatic music]

That Chris guy really hates us.

- You think?

[muffled screaming]

- Oh, it's Millie.

- I think Raj and Wayne are
really upset

about this cheating stuff.

[scoffs]
- Come on, they're so over it.

- Try again.

[crying]

- Well there's nothing
we can do about it.

The one strength we have
over the other team

is our willingness to go
to the dark side.

- And it's gonna get darker.

- Uh, why?

- Rat Face outnumber us.

Our whole team could finish
and still lose.

Unless...
we stick it to them.

- But I'm not making Raj choose
between me and playing fair.

We have a really
good thing going.

- Aw, Bowie!
You're gonna make me puke.

[sighs]
- Let's just split up, okay?

The boys and I will head for
the finish line,

while you two run some...

special ops.

- This is a terrible route!

Why would Chris suggest
we go this--

Never mind,
I heard myself asking.

- There's a bridge just like
this in my movie,

Slug Slayers 4?
All CG.

I told them it would look way
better if we did it for real,

but no.

Let's do this.

[tense music]

What do you know?

The dumb actor was right
again! Hah.

Good riddance
Hollywood jerk-bags.

[cheering]

Now, you do it!

- If you don't wanna do this,
we can go back

and find a different
route.

- Oh, so now what I want
matters?

- I deserve that.

There is no excuse
for what I did.

I don't expect you
to ever trust me again.

I just want you to know that
I think you're an amazing person

and that I hate
what I did to you.

- I've never been good
at staying mad.

Sometimes that upsets me.
But never for long.

Come on, bring it in, girl!
- No, no, no, no!

[chuckles awkwardly]
- Oh right. The sap.

[Chris over PA]:
Hey campers!

I'm sure you loved
the dodge ba*ls!

But I think it's time
we sweetened the pot!

Release the candy!

[screaming]

[exclaiming]

- Quick, we gotta save her!
Let's do the bridge.

- Really? Are you sure?

- I don't know.
Maybe I should take more risks.

Truth is, sometimes
I need a little push.

[epic music]

[screaming]
I instantly regret my decision!

- Looks like we found
our first Rat Face victim.

[giggles]

- Here treasure, treasure,
treasure!

- So what's the play?

[gasps]
- Let's take out the trash.

[both]: Bingo!

- Can I just say that
your bad guy one liners

are getting really good!

- Aw! Thank you!

- Oh Great Rainbow Dude
in the Sky!

If you wish me to find
your sweet treasure, please,

send me a sign!

- Ooh! This is almost as much
fun as when I told my sister

her bunny was haunted.

[screaming]

- Easy amigo! We're in this
together!

Hey, wait a minute.

You're the cutie I met
in the garbage slide!

I'm glad you're okay.
Whoa!

[chittering]

[Zee hums]

Aw, what a cute little
raccoon.

[whispering]: Everybody stop!

[gasping]

- Fun science fact:

chickens are an excellent source
of feathers.

- Okay, everyone,
let's just proceed very slowly.

No sudden movements.

Startled chickens
are unpredictable chickens.

[MK]: You wanna do the honours?

- Aw. You're the best.

[clattering loudly]

- Get down!
- What?

[coughs]

- Aw, crud.
We only got Emma.

- Maybe we're just being
too subtle?

Let's see if this works.

- Look out!

- You. Are. Vicious!

- Stop it.
You're making me blush.

- Oh no, what are we going
to do?

- We're doomed!

[groaning]
- Oh no... we're not.

[both]: Caleb!

- Huh. Guess I'm carrying a tree
to the finish line.

- Come on, guys. I planted
this goop

when I was bringing
the spray cans out here.

We can't just arrive at
the finish line clean, can we?

- Now that is brilliant.
- I know, right?

- At least we're sticky for part
of the challenge, right bro?

- Yeah! It's like...

[flatly]: Hoot hoot.

- Stop!
- Are you kidding me?

[groans]

[Chris]: Ten minutes left.

Wonder if anyone makes it here
before time runs ou--

- Boom! First one here,
of course!

I'm not saying I'm the best
contestant on the island

this season, but I am.

- Okay, so one camper
made it.

But I bet the rest are
stuck like flies in my web of--

- Woo-hoo!
- Here we are.

Yep it's us.

- Oh. Huh. Well then--

[girls cheering]

Okay. Skunk Butt takes the lead,
five to one.

And with nothing stuck
to them.

I hate to say this, but...
I'm impressed.

What's your secret?

- Hmm. I guess we finally
decided to play to our team's...

strengths.

- Spray them down!

- Oh, what a relief!

We were sticky for so long!

Haha, that's much better.

- Sup, my dudes!

Meet my new friend,
Olivia Von Trashpanda.

- Get that thing off of him!

[thudding]

[chittering]

- Chef says I can't keep
my raccoon cause of rabies.

Ridiculous! I've already
had rabies shots

twice in my life which means
this time it'd be free.

- If the Rat Faces aren't here
in four minutes,

it's game over and a victory
for team Skunk Butt.

[tense music]

[panting]

- You sure you're doin' okay?

- Oh totally.

I mean, why even bother
going to the gym

if you're not gonna be ready
to carry a tree

with two people on it through
the woods?

You okay Emma?

- Ow! Ow! Ow!

I think this cat thinks
I'm a bird! Ow!

[grunting]

- Ugh! Are we there yet?

There's gotta be a better way

to get our butts across
this island.

- You're right. We've been
thinking with our heads

when we should be using our
butts! How hard can you fart?

You better not be given
that camera love eyes!

- No.

[farting]

It's working! It's working!

It's--

[gasps]

- What is that?!

[screaming]

[screaming]

[sighs]
- Welcome aboard.

- I accepted a lot of ways
I might die on the island.

Snake. Food poisoning.

Raptor expl*si*n.

Never even considered
I might get "beaver dammed".

[chuckles]
Well played, Chris McClean.

- Hey! I wonder
if the enzymes in saliva

are strong enough
to break down sap.

[gasps_
- Yes!

We could lick our way
out of this mess!

- No wait! Damien!
That's not what I--

- Uh-oh. Uh-oh!
Uh-oh!

- Yep. That's what I was
worried about.

[gasps]
It's Caleb! And Priya!

And axel! And...
A blonde chicken?!

- Hilarious.

- We all got stuck
to this tree

but Caleb is carrying us
to victory!

- Got room for two more?

- Umm...
Yeah. Absolutely.

- One minute left! It looks like
Skunk Butt is gonna take it.

Woah!

Rat face is down by three,

but if Caleb makes it with
all of those passengers,

they could win!

- Come on, Caleb!
- You got this, dude!

[all]: Five! Four!
Three! Two! One!

[horn blowing]

[Chris]: Close but no.

Skunk Butt wins!

[cheering]

- Yeah!

- Rat Face?
I'll see you... tonight.

- Gotta get clean!
Gotta get clean!

- I still smell like a cheater!

I can't scrub the cheat off!!

[dramatic music]

- Team Rat Face!

Welcome to your first
Marshmallow Ceremony of
the Season.

And because we somehow ran out
of desappifying spray...

This should prove very awkward.

- Wait, but Chris!

Isn't that a can of spray
right there in your hand?

- Yeah, but...

I've misplaced it.

[sighing]

Chef, lay down some hard truths.

- Caleb.
- Are you serious?

I literally carried
my whole team today!

- While your athleticism
was impressive,

you came up short in the end,

leaving us to wonder
if you really have...

skipped leg day.

- Wha-- I-- Only once!
I swear!

And the gym was closed
'cause of Christmas!

- Axel.
- Don't even think about it,
old man.

- Moving on. Emma.
- No!

- You look like a chicken.
Which is ridiculous.

And finally... Millie.
- Really?

I thought I had a good day.

- While you didn't have
any specific blunders today.

Your decision to send Damien
down the Four Point slide

in our last challenge

may still be weighing on
your teammates.

- What? No, it's cool because
Damien forgave me!

Tell them, Damien.

- She's right.
She's a changed woman.

- See!
- I don't know.

That might have been
a meatloaf recipe.

- Mm-hmm, I heard paprika.

- I also heard paprika.

- Aw man!

I could really go for some
meatloaf right now.

- Okay! Marshmallow time!

[tense music]

Priya, Nichelle,

Zee,

Axel, Damien...

and Caleb.

You are safe.

And the final marshmallow,

after a vote of five to three,
goes to...

[suspenseful music]

Emma.

Chef, rip Millie off that log.

She's going home!

Hey, did we ever find out what
happened to ripper?

No? Okay.

- A little help here?

Anyone?
[wolf howling]

[Millie]: I lasted longer last
season, but this time,

I'm proud of how I played.

Except for that first challenge

when I got hit with the paint
balloon before anyone else.

And the second challenge where
I tricked Damien

and pushed him down the slide
and made my team hate me.

And I didn't play great today.

I should've read
the training binder.

Yeah.

[helicopter whirring]

- Well, Rat Face lost their
first player

and this game just got
a lot tighter!

So stay glued to your TV,

'cause you don't wanna miss
a second of the next

Total... Drama...

Island!

[theme song]