01x13 - Water Ice Shoppe

[bunniefuu]

Hank, what are you
doin' there, bud?

Oh Mark deli-gated
the signs to me.

The hell Mark?

I told you to add
one sign that says

"Fourth of July Baloney Sale."

Nobody cares about baloney, Dad.

I like baloney.

It's like eating slices
from a giant hot dog.

Yeah, Hank gets it.

Our brand is quality,
not gimmicks.

I'm telling you Dad,

you're leaving
money on the table.

Yeah, by paying
you to d*ck around.

Did you prep the fixings?

Nah, I delegated it to Hank.

Hank, did you prep the fixings?

Uh. Not yet.

Mark had me drive to Vineland

to pick up the liquid nitrogen.

Liquid nitrogen?

What'd you do?

What the?

Yo, how phat is that?

Frickin' Derpin Dots machine!

How much did this
monstrosity cost?

I'm telling you,
man, in the future,

everybody's gonna be eating
futuristic ice cream.

I'm gonna ask you one more time:

How much did this cost?

Sixteen thousand dollars.
That's it.

“Sixteen Thous-- ”!?

How!?!?

Where did you ev--

You better return
that thing right now!

You know Dad, it wouldn't
hurt to at least say

you're proud of your son
for setting up a liquid

nitrogen thermal
chamber by himself

without even reading
the instructions.

What the hell--

Ah!

Damnit Dad.

I'm gonna k*ll you.

How the hell are we
gonna pay for this?

Well I just so happen
to be in the process of


What does that mean?

What did you do?

Yeah, let's just say I did
a little... re-allocating.

I'm about to
re-allocate your a*s!

Dad, chill okay.

All I did was reinvest
in a low risk,

high yield
"soft asset speculation."

What does that mean, Marcus!?

Check the store room.

Thank me later.

Y-y-you liquidated our savings
to buy stuffed animals?

Yo these aren't just
stuffed animals, Dad.

These are Teenie Floofs,

highly sought
after collectibles.

Woah woah woah Dad come on!

That was a limited
edition Misty the Unicorn.

That alone cost $2700.

Twenty se--?!

[gasping]

That's it. You're fired.

What?! How are you
gonna fire your own son?

Because all you do
is c*ck stunts.

You don't do any real work.

You just delegate
to your brother.

Pfft, yo that's ridiculous.

Now would ya call 9-1-1?

I think I'm having
a heart attack.

I got you, Dad.

Hank, call 9-1-1.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

♪ Well, I used to work
at a hot dog factory. ♪

♪ Until them
robots came along. ♪

♪ And now
there is no job for me ♪

♪ But I get 3,000
bucks a month ♪

♪ Thanks to UBI

♪ Now we're
Universal Basic Guys. ♪

♪ It may not
sound like much. ♪

♪ But we're
still gonna try ♪

♪ We're just
Universal Basic Guys ♪

Ugh. It's truly
the end of summer

when the ol' water
ice shoppe shuts down.

You'll live.

Andrea, this place
is a treasure.

It's one of the few perks
of living in South Jersey.

I bet our Humantis robots
could easily make this stuff.

How dare you?

Barry is a master craftsman.

It's like getting
sushi made by Jiro

or a macaron made by
Pierre Desfontaines.

It's just sugar and water David.

Probably why half this
town has diabetes.

[screeching]

[crash]

Hey, Mark.

'Sup guys.

Ah crap. Come onnnn.

Ugh. Why does this stupid
place have to close

for the whole season?

It's ridiculous.

Hey yo! Yo!

Yo! Please!

Gary, just look at him.

No.

Oh come on, poor guy just wants

one last little ole'
water ice for the season.

What's the big deal?

Barry! What the heck!?

What can I do you for?

Thanks so much dude.
Really appreciate it.

Let me get a...uh...

five gallon tub of the
chocolate peanut butter cup.

Um...

No. It's a slippery slope.

It's just one tub, Gary.

Gotta agree with
Barry on this one.

Uh excuse me?

Why do you need a five
gallon tub so bad anyway?

I gotta stock up for the winter.

You know, since you guys are
closed for fricken six months.

I don't know what you
guys are thinking,

you know you're leaving
money on the table.

No it's not about the money.
I know my brother.

Well I know business.
And what I see right here is

the next fricken Wolfgang Puck,
but of water ice.

You gotta let this
dude spread his wings.

You hear that, Gary?

Somebody sees my potential.

I'm doing this for you!

You're a delicate
little butterfly

that needs to be protected.

Don't you patronize me.

Maybe I want to spread my wings!

Maybe I want to make this
man a tub of water ice!

Yeah now that's what
I'm talking about!

Oh you'd better not.
We just cleaned those machines.

Oh no. I broke one of Gary's
precious "rules."

If you turn that thing on,
I am done.

You can go "spread your wings"
with this ding-dong.

Woah there. I got news for you.

This "ding-dong" could make
more money over the winter

than you could make all summer.

Okay, yeah. My butt.

Listen Barry,
you really want to be

on your deathbed thinking,
what would my life look like

if I'd said "Yes"
to making that tub?

C'mon Bar.

Don't be stupid.

Oh yeaaah. Let's go!

Not only did I get the tub,

the place is now gonna
be open all year round.

Woah! How'd you manage that?

Oh I'll tell you
how I managed that.

You bought a hat?

No Tam.

I'm their new business
manager, baby!

Oh. Wow.

You sure you're, uh...

qualified to run a
business like that?

Pfft absolutely.
I got tons of experience

in the family
restaurant business.

Yeah...
and how'd that turn out?

You gotta think
of the perks, Tam.

Not only do we get
unlimited water ice,

but if you have any
feedback or ideas,

I'm all ears.

You know, I've always thought

the chocolate chip ratio
was a little off...

If only you knew the manager...

[laughter]

So obviously,

you're gonna handle product
development and production,

while I focus on ideation,

long term strategy
and promotions.

You're the engine.
I'm the GPS.

Now what about
inventory and accounting

and all the other
stuff that Gary did?

Yeah so that now falls
under your vertical.

Well he also kept
the kitchen organized

and cleaned the bathroom.

Maybe you could help
with some of that?

Totally hear you, Bar.

I can absolutely help with that.

Okay Hank. So you've got
the most important job

in the whole place.

President?

No.
You clean the bathrooms.

Oh.

Let me tell you,
the first thing people

judge a restaurant by

is how clean their
bathrooms are.

You could be the
fricken French Laundry

but if you got skid
marks on the toilet,

forget it.

Woah. That's a serious
responsibility.

Sure is, pal.
Can we entrust you

to be the guardian
of the throne?

It would be my honor.

Also, Hank,
bathroom's for customers only.

We've had some problems
with the homeless people

camping out in there, so.

Got it.

Hello.

Hey, would it be cool
if I use the bathroom?

Oh, uh,

the bathrooms are
for customers only.

Are you gonna buy water ice?

Uh...yeah.

Oh. Okay then.

So I'm thinking we could
convert the store closet

into an upscale
speakeasy offering, like,

high-end custom
water-ice c*ck.

What do you think of that?

Uhhh... I should
really get started

on today's batches.

Bar, you gotta make
time for blue-skying.

If you're always
focused on today,

you're never cooking
up tomorrow's big idea.

Hm.

Oh you know what,

I have always flirted
with the idea of doing

a seasonal pumpkin flavor,

of course Gary always said no.

Mm, pumpkin spice.

I love it Bar.

Or no...just pumpkin.

No spices.

Ah whatever.

Go make it happen!

Go create baby!

Oh boy. Okay.

Well this is exciting!

Yo yo.

Got some good news.

You know James "Jelly" Martin?

The influencer guy who
does those dessert reviews?

Bingo.
He's gonna be doing a

review of your new flavor.

How bout that?

Well that's amazing!

Yep. He's gonna
pop by on Friday.

Woah.

Well that's in two days!

I won't be ready by then.

I...I just started
experimenting.

Barry, did you ever hear the
story about how Gordon Ramsay

became the best
chef in the world?

I mean,

I don't know
if he's the best chef

in the world, but.

He outworks all the other guys.

It's all about the grindset.

If you wanna take things
to the next level,

you gotta put in the hours, dude

You're right.
I got this.

Yo, there we go.
That's the spirit.

Okay I'm heading out.
Have a good one!

[whistling]

- Occupied.

Oh, we're actually closed now.

- Okay well, I'll just let
myself out when I'm done.

Well it's just, you know,

if you don't buy water ice,
you can't use the bathroom so.

- Okay, well,
I bought water ice.

Oh, you got a receipt that
I could

just take a look at real quick?

- No.
I bought it a long time ago.

Oh.

- Yeah once you're a customer,
you're a customer forever.

- Everyone knows that.

Oh. Okay.

[classical music]

Yo, today's the big day.

How we feeling, bud?

I did it.

[groans]

Oh baby. Yo, I gotta hit this.

Not bad. Not bad.

Could maybe use a
little more spice,

but nice work, Bar.

[snoring]

[cash register chime]
Oh my god. Is Jelly...

what time is Jelly coming?

Oh he left about two hours ago.

Wait what!?
Why didn't you wake me?

You were taking a power nap.

Sleep is crucial to
the creative process,

I didn't want to disturb you.

But I...

[text message]
did he...?

Oh boy.
He just posted a review.

Check it out.

Hey! I'm here at Glantontown's

famous "Barry's Water Ice"

with the shop's
creative visionary,

Mark Hoagies.

So we've been working
'round-the-clock

on the shop's first
new flavor in decades:

Pumpkin Spice!

Well it's not pumpkin spice.

- Shhh! Just watch.

Mmmm. Not bad.
Not bad at all.

I'm going 8.7.


Wow. That's a really
high rating for him!

I know right!?
Okay watch.

Thanks Jelly.

Just want to tell
everyone to come on down

to Barry's Water Ice in
Glantontown this Sunday

for “Free Pumpkin
Spice Water Ice Day! ”

Free water ice day?

This guy has like a
million followers Mark!

I know! It's great, right?

Oh no. Oh boy.

Mark, you advertised free water
ice to millions of people.

You need to run these
kind of promotions by me!

Barry, we either grow or we die.

Don't you want to show Gary
that he was holding you back?

There is just no way

I can make that much
water ice by Sunday!

I make every batch by hand!

Well then it sounds like what
you need is more hands...

Barry, I want you to
meet our new VP team!

First up I want to introduce
you to David Jinglebells.

You might know me as
the guy who always tips.

David here will be our
new Executive Sous Chef,

supporting you with whatever
you need in the kitchen.

I'm merely a sponge

ready to soak in
your culinary genius.

Oh...uh...thank you.

And this is Tammy,

our new VP of product.

I thought I was in
charge of product.


She's just here to
support your vision bud.

As a lifelong
water ice consumer,

Tammy has a refined palate

and can provide
valuable insights

from a consumer perspective.

Isn't she your wife?

Like I said,
she has great taste.

And this here is Darren,

our new Associate VP
of Customer Relations.

Darren here not
only brings a bit of

much-needed diversity
to the shop,

but his youthful exuberance can
help us tap into a younger demo.

You gave a VP title
to a fifteen year old?

He's sixteen actually.

- Fourteen.

Well listen,

as long as you have
passion for water ice,

you'll be fine.

I don't.

Uh. So my boss said that you
aren't a customer forever,

and that if you're not
gonna buy water ice,

you gotta leave. I'm sorry.

- He said that, eh?

- News to me.
Well, okay.

- Ah... I guess I'll have to
buy some “More ” water ice.

- Can I borrow four dollars?

Uh...

- I'm good for it I swear.

Okay, sure.

Here you go.

- Thanks.

- Okay, here, can you bring me
a small water ice?

You got it.

Chef, is there a ritual
for hand washing?

I just wash them
when they're dirty.

Ah, brilliant.

I was thinking

a peppermint eggnog
flavor could be fun.

Okay before we get
into new flavors,

I need help with
the basic flavors.

First up,

chocolate peanut butter cup.

Okay.
Cup of cocoa powder,

four heaping scoops
of peanut butter--

You should probably
use an electric mixer.

It'd be a lot easier.

No no no. The key to the
textural balance

is mixing by hand.

Ugh I love it.

Like the old
vignerons of Burgundy.

Oh and what is the intention
behind choosing a wooden spoon

over say, a metal spoon?

To add notes of oak
to the flavor profile?

Uh... The metal spoon's
in the dishwasher.

- Ah.

Alright you know what?

You're gonna go prep
the strawberries.

Thank you, chef.
This is a great honor.

Hmm...Yo what's better,
the Tropical Mango

or the Hammonton Blueberry?

Ah... I don't know.
I don't really like water ice.

Excuse me for just one second...

HR! HR!

Can you just act like
you like water ice?

Come on, man.

Oh, you want me to just
lie to the customers?

That's messed up.

One small mango, please.

Hank. You don't have to
pay for water ice.

You work here, bud.

Oh, it's not for
me. It's for Vern.

Vern?

The guy in the bathroom.

[grunts]

- Hey! You got my water ice?

So I was told you gotta pay
for it with your own money.

- Okay listen, Hank.

- I want to buy water
ice, I really do.

- But I've hit kind of
a rough patch in life.

- And you know, I'm working
my way back though.

- In fact, I've been
applying for jobs.

- And I promise you,
the minute I'm back on my feet,

- I'm gonna buy water ice.

- Please?

Oh I'm sorry to hear that, Vern.

Is there anything
I can do to help?

- Actually, yeah.

- I just need a few
things from the kitchen.

No problem.

Oh yeah, completely agree.

Healthcare, Web3
I mean those are growth spaces

that we're definitely exploring.

Oh hey Bar,

I want you to meet
Lil Jawn Dice here.

He's a local influencer
and hip-hop artist.

Little Jaundice?

Nah. Jawn Dice.

Mr. Dice here is actually
interested in a collab:

an exclusive sizzurp flavor drop

for anyone who owns
a Ganja Skunk NFT.

Uh... What?

[Tammy in background]
- Hey Barry!?

[Tammy in background]
- Where's the maple syrup?

Wait maple syrup?

[Tammy in background]
- Never mind! I found it.

Excuse me for just one second.

Oh yeah that's the good stuff.

Um excuse me.
What's all this?!

Experimenting with a new flavor:
maple bacon.

No.
We do not do tacky fad flavors.

We use simple,
fresh ingredients--

--and we mix everything by hand.

What the hell is this!?!?

Oh. Those are all the rejects.

Hold up.

That's all you did in an hour!?

Well, I know you have
such high standards.

Oh my god, alright.

You got this Barry.
Just do it yourself.

- Oh also, I need you
to pick up my medicine

- from my uh...the pharmacist.

Uh yeah, okay.

What in the hell?

- He's right behind
the Burrito Bell

- on Harrison street,
you can't miss him.

[gasp]

Oh my god.

Oh hey, Barry.

Mark we need to--

What the hell are you doing!?

Ice bath.

Why!?

Helps me quickly recover
after a hard day of

thinking about
innovating, you know.

Listen Mark.
There is no fricken way

I'm gonna have enough
water ice ready for Sunday!

Well, let's not make perfect
the enemy of good here, Bar.

Mark, do you understand
that I pride myself

on making the best water
ice in South Jersey?

You have got to
call off this event.

Okay, you're clearly
stressed and overworked here.

Why don't you take
a mental health day?

Go to the Spa.
Reset and recharge.

So you'll call off the
free water ice day?

Don't worry.
I'll handle it.

Thank you.

[knock, knock]

Hey, Vern. Got the
succulents you asked for.

Oh no.

He didn't buy water ice.

[peaceful music]

[party music]

What. The. Hell!?!?

Thank you very much.

Yo! There he is.
Looking rejuvenated.

Hey! You said you
called off this stunt!

No. I said I'd handle it.
And it's handled!

Boom.

Yuck. Tastes like a
cheap scented candle.

Honestly I'd rather just
pay for good water ice.

This is garbage.
Who made this!?

Hey there, Barry!
You feeling refreshed?

[kettle whistling]
Oh my,

[kettle whistling]

[kettle whistling]
oh,

[kettle whistling]

[kettle whistling]
oh my--

[kettle whistling]
Uh,

[thud]

[Mark in background]
- Yo Hank, can you call 9-1-1?

Ugh, it was my strawberries.
I could see it in his eyes.

One of the ones
I prepped was lopsided,

I saw it.

Yeah probably, but don't beat
yourself up about it.

Well, he's not dead.

Oh, thank God.

He had a severe
stress-related heart attack.

Oh, just like Dad!
That's a weird coincidence.

[sigh]

Oh god. That's it.
It's over.

The water ice shoppe is done.

No it's not.

I came here to take this
business to the next level

and that, by darn it,
is what I'm gonna do.

Without Barry,
this business is nothing.

So we got a sub-par product?

There's lots of
successful business

that I can't name for legal
reasons have sub-par products.

It isn't always about quality.

Sometimes,
it's about gimmicks.

So uh...

what flavors do
you have for dogs?

All of our normal flavors.

We just serve them in a bowl.

Even the chocolate?

Yeah.

I thought dogs can't
have chocolate.

Then don't get chocolate.

Did you enjoy your
water ice bath sir?

Do you feel rejuvenated?

- I feel sticky.

[scary voice]
“ I want to play a game. ”

“In order to escape this room,

you must finish the
entire tub of water ice. ”

My tummy hurts.

Congratulations!
You completed the escape room!

So that's gonna be
$80 for the water ice.

You're lucky I didn't
call the police.

I'm not sure this
business model is working.

[door chime]

Vern?

Hey Hank.

Wow you look...uh...
not homeless.

Well, thanks to you providing me
with a safe home,

reliable meals,

and my mood
stabilizer medication,

I was able to get
back on my feet.

Now I'm the Regional Associate
Buyer for Weggler's Grocery.

Woah, that's awesome!
So does that mean...

Yes, Hank.

I'm finally ready to
buy that water ice.

And a lot of it.
I want to put Barry's Water Ice

in freezers across South Jersey.

Oh wow!

Awesome!

- No!

Barry?

I'm Gary.

Well Gary,

I'd like to make
you and your brother

the next Ben & Jerry.

No. We are done.

We're selling this place.

Gary, an order like this
could save the business.

Even with Barry

we couldn't fulfill
an order this big,

let alone guarantee quality.

Gary, just say "yes"
and we'll figure it out.

No. It's not humanly possible.

You can't just delegate
your way out of this.

Hmm.

Not humanly possible...

I think I know how to
save this business.

Not another cheap gimmick.

Listen, maybe my
gimmicks are what

gave my dad a heart attack,

destroyed his business,
gave Barry a heart attack

and are currently
destroying this business,

but now I realize...

I was just doing
the wrong gimmicks!!

Yo this is the one, I promise.

Oh god. What are you doing here?

I brought you a
little something...

Ta da!

What is this?

- Give it a try, Bar.
I think you might be surprised.

Woah.

This is actually
pretty darn good.

But how did you...?

Oh my god.

Yo Bar!

Meet the BarryBots.

I tried to stop them.

I told them it's not the same.

Yeah. Actually it's better.

They work around the clock,
at double speed,

so we can stay open
all year round,

no problem.

And they make all kinds
of crazy flavors...

at Barry quality of course.

Yes but it lacks
his je ne sais quoi!

That Barry magic.

I don't understand.
But how did they learn to--

We trained them on samples
from Mark and Tammy's tub,

security camera footage

and my husband's extensive
and weirdly detailed notes.

Oh god, I just feel so violated.

I can't believe you
said "Yes" to this.

Well now we can relax,
we can live stress-free

while the Barrybots bring
joy to countless generations.

Oh, totally.

Until they turn on us and
make us human water ice.

Yeah but until then,

we're gonna be making
a crap ton of money.

- Well...we are.

Yeah.
You're all fired.

Yo Hank, you wanna grill up
these dogs, watch the Phillies?

Actually, Mark.

I got something I
wanna show you...

I've been saving up my UBI
money and thanks to you,

I finally realized what
I want to spend it on.

Oh my god, Hank, you didn't!

You got the Rocky statue?!

Ta da!

Holy crap.

[robot voice]
- Hello.

- What can I get you?

- Baloney sandwich?

Aw you know it, Dad-robot.

[robot voice]
- Marcus?

Dad?

[robot voice]
- What is that?

- A crossbow?

- Why do you have
the jaws of life?

- Is that a cannon?

- ...Mark, you moron!

[bang!]

[thump!]

Dammit, Hank.