04x17 - Lisarella

[bunniefuu]

You're... make man?

No.

Woman.

Woman.

Oh, my creation.

It's my creation.

And

why don't people understand?

It's alive!

Alive!

Ladies and gentlemen, we've just leveled
off and we anticipate a smooth ride.

So sit back, relax, and enjoy our
in-flight movie, Fearless.

What the?

Don't touch anything!

I didn't touch anything!

I didn't touch anything!

What kind of a stupid wish was that?

I'd like to fly a jetliner!

I said I want to try some eyeliner,
and I didn't think anybody was listening!

I'm sorry.

I just realized what you said.

Thanks!

Oh, wow!

Those cars look like ants.

No, wait.

Now they look like dogs.

No, ponies.

No!

Ponies!

Do something!

We're gonna die!

We're gonna die!

We're gonna die!

We're gonna die!

We're gonna die!

Nice chill.

I spent hours on your PC flight simulator
at home.

You could land this thing blindfolded.

Okay.

Now where's the mouse?

Los Angeles approach.

This is Ween flight 245 over Palmdale at

Heading 170.

Request radar vectors for straight-in
approach.

Runway 24 right.

What would you guys do without me?

Looking good, Hero.

Right back at you, Hero.

Come on, guys.

I want to meet the president, too.

Can I come with you?

You don't officially exist, remember?

They'd never let you in.

No fair.

I'm the one who saved the plane.

I deserve that medal.

Okay.

If it'll make you feel better,
I'll let you wear mine.

Look, I'm just gonna zap your cuffs,
okay?

No!

Last time you burned the hair off the top
of my feet.

Ooh, sorry.

Are they gonna kick you out of the Hubbard
Club?

Yo, Lise, do me a favor and zap my sweat
glands.

I don't want to reek.

New car smell.

Nice dodge.

And while you're at it, I could really use
a firm handshake.

I grip like a mackerel.

One more thing.

What now?

My hair's a little damp.

Anything else?

No.

No?

No.

Just, uh, feeling better.

Yeah, looking great.

It's dry.

Thanks.

You're the best.

I'm sorry, guys.

It's just that I never get to meet new
people.

I always have to zap out just when things
start to get interesting.

Can't I go to the ball?

Just this once?

Lise, it's the U.S.

government.

They've got those X-Files people working
for them.

Tell you what.

Afterwards, we'll take you to Denny's for
some moons over my hammy.

Huh?

That sounds fair.

You guys go meet the President, and
I'll pick out something to wear to Denny's.

Kidding.

Have a good time tonight.

I'll be fine.

Thanks for understanding.

Later.

Dry my hair, Lisa.

Zet my pits, Lisa.

Land a 727, Lisa.

Bollocks to that.

Cinderella is going to the ball.

Now we'll need some transportation.

This is usually done with small rodents.

Rise and shine, Pitlick.

Time to make a weekly donation to my beer
gut fund.

Check out the punky Brewster's on you.

My name is Keister.

I'll be Madame Chauffeur for this evening.

If I may say, Madame is a
vision of simple, unadorned beauty

which shall remain forever
emblazoned in sweet memory.

Why, thank you, Keister.

Shall we?

Madame's carriage awaits.

Can

I have your attention, please?

We're here tonight to
bestow the Presidential

Medal of Merit upon these
two heroic young men.

Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the
United States.

Thank you very much.

It's always a privilege
for me to recognize

the selfless efforts of
true American heroes.

So let's meet these two extraordinary
individuals.

Here comes our big moment.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Gary Wallace and
Wyatt Donnelly.

It's President of the United States.

Answer.

Clear, clear, clear.

All right.

I'm sorry, miss.

We have no idea what set off those alarms.

Ordin, what is going on here?

Hello, dear.

Hello, dear.

Hi.

Pleasure to meet
you, miss... Uh, Lisa.

Lisa?

Is that a first name or a last name?

Uh-huh.

I'm sorry about ruining your speech in the
bump in your head.

I hope somebody takes care of it.

So who would take care of something like
that?

Your wife?

Well, I'm not married,
but it'll probably be some

Bethesda Navy doctor with
cold hands, coffee breath.

What a shame.

So, miss Lisa, you set bells off
everywhere you go?

Oh, no.

I don't get out much.

I mean, not that I'm weird or anything.

I've just got things to do.

I work on the computer and...

I should stop talking now, I think.

Well, don't stop on my account.

Uh, Mr. President, why don't we go have
that bump looked at?

Gordon, I'm fine.

Uh, I'm sorry, sir.

I have to insist.

Yes, mother.

I won't be long.

Just, uh, ice pack, some stitches,
a quick CAT scan, and then I'm all yours.

Yeah, right, I will.

You got it.

Let's go.

The President's leaving the room.

Lisa.

Lisa, what are you doing here?

I think he likes me.

Lisa, don't you get it?

We gotta get out of here before someone
figures out you don't belong here.

But he's coming back.

He wanted me to wait for him.

That's an executive order.

Lisa, time to leave.

Sure.

Just when I've got something going.

Did you find it?

I'm sorry, sir.

The only beautiful woman we
found wearing one shoe was

in the Xerox room, underneath
the speaker of the house.

Gordon smelled this.

Is that an order, sir?

Just smell it.

On 96 Seville, sir.

Exactly.

Have you ever met a woman whose feet smile
like a brand new Cadillac?

Just the missus, sir.

Did you notice when she smiles her nose
kind of crinkles up?

Mr. President, you can't have a crush in
an election year.

The very idea of a lovesick president is
politically...

advantageous.

This is a Cinderella story.

This could be an extremely potent tool for
attracting votes.

It made me feel like a tongue-tied kid.

Which, of course, will remind the nation
of your youth and vitality.

Good.

Good.

Don't worry, Mr. President.

We're gonna find your Cinderella.

Gentlemen, this is her.

Somehow this woman
managed to get into a state

dinner without the
customary background check.

Now, I know she didn't just appear out of
thin air.

I want to know who she is, and I want to
know where to find her.

Man, take a hit off this shoe.

Give me that.

We need to find the president a girlfriend
the public can really get behind.

Particularly the 18 to

polls indicate is key to
the November election.

Searching for true love says the president
is a regular Joe.

Just like you and me.

A guy's guy.

A simple man.

I want the OSI, the FBI, and the CIA to
hunt this woman down like a dog.

And still no sign of the president's
mystery woman.

So, Cinderella, if you're still out there.

Good going.

The president of the United States has the
hots for our genie.

No, it wasn't just physical.

Something happened between us.

It was real.

Yeah, a real low-cut dress.

Guys, this is k*lling me, and you're
making jokes.

Let me at least call him.

Fine.

Let's say you call him.

You talk.

They trace the call.

Now they know where we live.

Next thing you know, you're converted into
the military's lady's secret weapon,

and I'm brainwashed into building an army
of super sexy w*r genies.

Yeah?

Look, I promise I won't
do anything that will

lead them to you, but
I am going to call him.

Got it?

You know, I don't need your permission.

Oh, get the phone!

I'll dial!

Yes?

She did.

Excellent.

Mr. President, the State of the Union
address is going to have to wait.

You've got a date tonight.

Now let's rehearse one more time.

Tell me about your parents.

I don't know who my real parents are.

I was raised by a kindly Bavarian toy
maker.

Excellent.

Uh...

What do you do for a living?

I'm a consultant.

What kind of consultant?

Oh, let's not talk about work.

Perfect.

How about the fake driver's license?

Mmm.

I hate my picture.

Well, looks like you're all set for your
big date.

Now, remember, this is a one-shot deal,
so don't forget to break up with him.

You know, after he pays for dinner.

Ooh.

Lisa!

Lisa, how does it feel to be going on a
date with the President?

Willis, Vinci... Where have
you been for the last week?

Oh, surfing the internet?

You work with computers?

I live in one.

I know the feeling.

Hey Lisa, when you see the...

President... n-n-n-n-n-naked, what national
monument does it make you think of?

Quick that one out back.

He's given us trouble before.

Sorry about that.

You look stunning.

Thanks.

The president should be here momentarily.

Oh, that's fine.

In the meantime, Cindy, we want to bring
out your eyes just a little bit.

You really think that's necessary?

That's excellent.

Now, we just need your signature on a few
papers here.

Well, I don't... This
one's a photo release.

Okay.

This one waives your right standing motion
picture of book deals.

I don't... And this one's a
subscription to TV Guide.

My daughter sells five more.

She wins a trip to Busch Gardens.

How nice.

Lisa, it's so good to see you again.

Thank you.

I've been wanting
to... Mr. President?

Lisa?

Uh, I'm sorry about this.

Can we get you cheek-to-cheek?

Very nice.

Quick kiss.

And champagne toast.

Thank you.

That's all for today.

And we're clear.

Finally.

How about that for a mood setter?

Lisa, you look absolutely stunning.

Sorry to interrupt, Mr. President,
but the motorcade is ready to go.

What are you talking about?

Oh, we're all done here, sir.

You have the meet and greet with the
friends of the Smithsonian.

This was in the memo, sir.

But our date.

I know.

I...

I'm sorry.

It's not working out the way I hoped.

You go ahead and eat.

You order anything you want.

Papa Bear is on the move.

The President thanks you.

I want you to know he had a wonderful time
tonight.

And he finds you both irresistibly
charming and intellectually stimulating.

You can order anything except the lobster.

Lisa, you got to pull yourself out of
this.

Why?

Give me one reason.

He's not worth it.

Yes, he is.

He's the President.

He's smart and handsome.

And I'm fat and ugly and alone.

And I should just crawl back on the stupid
computer and never come out.

Please.

Lisa, there is nothing wrong with you.

It's like Gary said.

He's a politician.

It's his job to seem nice.

They just took those pictures of you to
get him votes.

Personally, I feel sorry for the guy.

You guys are right.

It's not my fault.

I'm cool and sexy, aren't I?

Ah.

Now you are.

It's all President w*nk*r's fault.

Wait, wait.

The news is on.

We now take you live to the White House,
where the press conference is in progress.

While I'm not necessarily
sure about that answer, it is

something that I will
investigate as soon as I get back.

Yeah.

That's all good.

Please, you zapped the President of the
United States.

He dumped me.

Humiliating the guy isn't going to make it
any better.

Well, then what?

I feel totally used.

I wish I could have at least let him know
how much he hurt me.

Why don't you?

Well, that's good in theory.

But I can't face him.

I'd get all mushy and probably start to
cry and zap him into a chihuahua.

That sort of thing.

I'm serious.

You gotta speak up for yourself.

Demand respect.

Demand closure.

Face to face.

But I'm scared.

Don't worry.

We'll help you.

Really?

You will?

We'll do whatever it takes.

Consider us your tools.

Well, you guys are the best.

Gary, do you realize where we are?

Looks like somebody's bedroom.

But whose?

It's the president, you dope.

Let's just get out of here before we get
shot, okay?

What the?

You're the two spelling bee champions.

No, sir.

We're the boys that landed the airliner.

Ah.

Well, the American people, thank you.

How the hell did you get in here?

Yes, Mr. President.

Benny, get me security.

Yes, sir.

Sir, we're here on behalf of Lisa.

Uh, check.

Check that.

Yes, sir.

How is she?

How do you think she is?

You had a date that lasted less than four
minutes.

For you, big man, it was just a photo op.

But for her, it was the real deal.

Look, I'll, uh... I'll be
straight with you guys.

That date was a big deal for me,
too.

I really liked Lisa.

You did?

Lisa.

Where did you come from?

I was out jogging.

To the ice cream shop.

You really liked me?

Yeah, I did.

I...

I still do.

Oh, uh... We're gonna... We'll
be in... We're gonna be in here.

I am so glad you're here.

This gives us a chance to start over.

Start over?

Think about it, Gary.

In the next room, the two most powerful
people on the planet stand face-to-face.

Do you think they're gonna do it?

No, I don't think they're gonna do it.

Gee, scary.

Hey!

Souvenir towels.

You got birds on them.

Lisa, would you go out with me again?

Oh, on another three-minute date,
I'll bring my egg timer.

You're right.

I know, I know.

I have no excuse.

I have a bad habit of sometimes listening
to my advisors instead of my heart.

But this time, it'll be different,
Lisa.

We'll go somewhere.

Somewhere together.

Somewhere romantic.

There'll be interruptions.

There'll be no press.

What do you say?

Wow.

Wow, that sounds really great.

Mr. President, excuse the interruption.

The emergency meeting on the farm
subsidies?

The deadline rolls over at midnight.

All right, I'll be there.

Do you mind?

Oh, sorry, Mr. President.

Nice to see you again, Miss Cinderella.

I'm sorry about this.

We'll have to take a rain check.

Next week, when I get back from Berlin,
we'll go.

No, we won't.

I've got that Mideast Pizza Initiative
thing.

A month from now?

How about when your term is up?

No, no, no, no, no.

No, we'll work this out.

No, we can't.

Not like this.

Face it.

You've got the ultimate full-time job.

Well, I'll find a way to make some time.

I'll shave a few minutes off my weekly
radio address.

I'll stop rehearsing my speeches so much.

I'll take shorter showers.

Oh, hell.

Shame, really.

Would have been nice.

Yeah.

You know, I'm not gonna be president
forever.

Are you running for re-election?

If they let me, yeah.

I hope you lose.

Maybe I won't campaign so hard.

Good.

You know, you never got around to telling
me your...

last name.

Lisa?

I wish I could get Congress to move that
fast.

Think she forgot us?

She didn't forget.

I think she forgot us.

No way.

This is Lisa.

All right.

Lisa.

How come I don't hear anything?

Maybe they're doing it.

Nah.

You think?

Bye.

In my intentions.