04x09 - Slow Times at Farber High

[bunniefuu]

You're... make man?

No.

Woman.

Woman.

It's my creation.

Ooh, my creation.

It's my creation.

It's my creation.

Ooh, my creation.

It's my creation.

From my heart and from my head,
why don't people understand?

Alive!

Alive!

You stay here, partner.

I'll handle the presentation.

Really?

Yeah.

Thanks, partner.

Do I know how to pick them?

Harvey does all the work, and I get a name
for doing squat.

Great.

Maybe in college you can major in squat.

In my research of the public educational
system, I've discovered a condition of

massive indolent indifference,
in layman's terms.

Students like this.

I drilled my subject, let's
call him Student X, on

a variety of topics to
check his memory retention.

I don't remember doing this.

Who is Hillary Clinton?

Oh, isn't she that girl in bio who kind of
looks like me?

Hillary Clinton is the first lady.

Oh, right, right.

What is the chemical symbol for water?

A raindrop?

Name a monument in Washington,
D.C.

named after a president.

Lincoln Continental?

On the human body, where is the humerus?

It's different for everybody.

On me, it's the bottom of my feet.

And again, who is Hillary Clinton?

The first lady of Seoul?

Many blame the system.

Yeah!

But that is wrong.

Why?

Because for every lazy,
sloppy, moronic Student

X, the system also
produces a student of quality.

Like, for example, me.

What a sneak.

He totally set me up.

There was no way to see it coming.

Gary, you helped him make the video.

I thought we were just goofing around.

Harvey said the camera liked me.

He said this project would make me
infamous.

Actually, that's a bad thing.

Whatever.

It doesn't change the fact that Harvey
made me look like a total... Momo Pinhead?

Momo Pinhead?

It means idiot.

I'm a yogurt brain.

A couple of Brady's shy of a bunch.

A total Homer?

Thanks.

I've got it.

I'm stupid.

It's not what we meant.

We're kidding.

Homer.

I'm tired of always getting laughed at.

Just once, I'd like to see Harvey look
like a moron.

I think I can handle that.

What is it?

Revenge at its finest.

You could crush a terrier with this thing.

Well, it's a sophisticated piece of
equipment.

Instead of vacuuming dirt, it sucks up
neurons.

I call it the Brain Buster 2000.

Functional, stylish, and fully
rechargeable, the 2000 is guaranteed to

siphon Harvey's gray matter and store it
inside for no-mess cleanup.

Instant brain drain.

I like it.

According to the manual, we need to start
with the crosshair diagnostic.

Then align the dry belt with the subject.

Relax.

I've operated a vacuum before.

Well, Mr. Belden, your transcript speaks
for itself.

Now, if we could just tape your personal
statement for the admissions committee.

Hello.

My name is Harvey Belden, and I am a
Harvard man.

Why?

It's not just my 4.3 unweighted average,
the opera I wrote when I was eight.

My commitment to abolishing the capital
gains tax.

Hasta la vista, brainy.

Hey!

That guy looks just like me.

Mr. Belden?

Look, when I talk...

His lips move.

I am very happy with this situation.

Hello in there.

What am I doing?

Open sesame.

He is pathetic.

Don't you love it?

Hey, brain boy.

Try kicking it.

Use both feet.

There's nothing there.

I am having a great day.

I understand you have an English quiz
today.

In light of this, please assume the
position.

I really resent the fact that you think I
would cheat on a simple quiz.

What, this?

It's not what you think.

This is yesterday's Spanish test.

And this, this is Tuesday's math exam.

Again, not English.

Indelible ink, Mr. Wallace.

Is as hard to erase as a guilty
conscience.

I think you know the way to my office.

Ah, the human crib sheet.

How long did this take?

About ten hours.

Peach fuzz slowed me down.

And how did you plan to read your own
back?

Fake a P. Read it in the bathroom mirror.

You'll notice everything's written
backwards, see?

Mr. Wallace.

I have seen you take extraordinary
measures to avoid learning.

Hmm.

Radio transmitters.

Outpatient surgery.

But if you devoted that same energy to
simply studying...

Well, you might become the greatest mind
that Farber High has ever...

Is that a flobie?

Hmm?

Uh, I'd be careful with that.

Always been fascinated by the infomercial.

Imagine.

Cutting your own hair with the power of
suction.

How does this thing work?

No!

Don't!

Where were we?

Uh, you were showing me out.

Excellent.

I'll show you out.

Dark thing seems stuck.

Oh, my God.

We're trapped!

Okay.

Why don't I go get help?

I understand.

Bang, bang.

You're dumb.

Huh?

Nobody better get smart with me.

Oh, look.

There goes the chess club.

Zippity-zap-zap.

You're all drooling in your pocket
protectors.

Look out.

Monica, too good to date a moron writer.

Zap.

Kiss me, baby.

In my hands, I hold the power to turn you
all into care of top fans.

You

will not defeat me.

Curse the door!

I shall outwit you!

Must get out!

Think, dammit!

Think!

Use your head!

I was just goofing around.

It wasn't like I was trying to hurt
anyone.

You reckless, you know that?

Hey, accidents happen.

Accidents?

Yeah, right.

Oh, suddenly you don't trust me?

Okay.

So if you didn't mean
to make everyone stupid,

then why didn't you just
zap him back to normal?

Watch the cat.

Oh!

Got it.

Good one?

I don't know how to reverse it.

Besides, I think the Brain Buster's
busted.

Let's find Lisa and fix it then.

Right.

Where'd you leave it?

In my locker.

This is bad.

This is very bad.

Looks to me like you've overloaded the
Brain Buster.

Oh, sure.

Everything's always Gary's fault.

It's not like the stupid thing came with a
manual.

Yes, it did.

Really?

I don't remember that thing.

Uh, guys?

Check it out.

A malevolent glowing orb.

How do you know it's malevolent?

Have you ever seen a gregarious glowing
orb?

Yes.

Any ideas?

Run!

Any ideas what's going on?

All that combined intellect
crammed into that Brain

Buster must have created
some kind of sentient being.

Should we be worried?

Our magic genie's hiding behind a desk.

What do you think?

I think we're dead.

Brain dead?

If that thing gets near us.

Who wants our brain power?

It feeds on intelligence.

Please, do something!

It only seems to make it stronger.

Ooh, pretty colors.

It got Lisa!

It got Lisa!

It got Lisa!

It got Lisa!

Stay still.

It senses motion.

I don't think so.

I think it senses intelligence.

It's a perfect fit.

So, what are the other ones for?

My synaptic thingies don't focus right.

Huh?

What do you know?

Must be full.

Looks like we're safe for now.

Huh.

This hallway was lit with stupid people
five minutes ago.

Where'd they go?

We now return to Saved by the Bell,
the college year.

What do you think, Lisa?

Can you fix it?

Sure.

I'll just have to read the manual.

Thanks.

What's this word?

Chapter.

Chapter.

What's this word?

One.

And what's this word?

Chapter.

We covered it, remember?

Right.

Chapter... something.

What's this word again?

Okay.

Forget the manual.

We need a different plan.

How about we get a
big ball of twine, some

thumbtacks, mud, a few
twigs, and make a monster?

He'll scare away the orb.

Or we could eat some paste.

Even better.

All right.

All right.

Obviously, I'm the only one who can get
his brain out of first.

Let's review.

We're faced with something strange,
intelligent, and different from ourselves.

There's only one thing to do.

Hunt it down and k*ll it.

Right.

And why are we k*lling it?

Because we don't understand it.

Am I the only voice of sanity left in the
world?

Uh-huh.

I'll go find some weapons.

You two, stay here.

All right.

Better yet.

This is good.

Oh, yeah.

Armed and dangerous.

Gary!

Wait out!

We found something to stop the orb.

Really?

Okay.

And this helps us how?

It's a lady face.

The orb will think it's pretty and fall in
love with it.

And while they're smooching, we'll hack it
to death with this butcher knife.

Let's label that plan B.

Hey!

The lady face bounces.

Let me try.

Keep away!

Keep away!

Keep away!

Keep away!

Okay.

So I'm on my own.

I need to think like the orb.

Be the orb.

Where would the combined intelligence of
the entire school go?

The girls' locker room?

No.

That's where I'd go.

Okay.

Where would I never go?

Here, Orby, Orby, Orby.

I've got some nice, fresh, heavy books.

Full of big, fat words.

Dictionary.

Encyclopedia.

Thessaurus.

Closer.

Closer.

Closer.

Closer.

Closer.

So you are a fool, after all.

You talk?

When I scanned your
abnormally low brainwave activity,

I assumed you had
some sort of stealth brain.

A jamming device, if you will.

Masking a superior intellect.

I was real!

Wait a minute.

You don't want me?

You're useless to me, Stripling.

If you'll excuse me,
I'm now off to perfect my

incredibly saucy, yet evil
plan for world domination.

Farewell, my adorbated friend.

No brain, no game!

This isn't over yet in the 40-watt bug
light!

You're gonna regret not
stealing this little brain

here, cause I'm gonna
use it to take you down.

Eh, who am I kidding?

I don't even want my brain.

That's it.

I'm done for.

I'm gonna die on the floor of my own
office.

Oh, Lord.

Send me a sign.

A way out of this prison.

Any sign.

Anything at all.

Wait a minute.

Maybe that malevolent floating orb was a
sign.

Of course!

The door was never the way out.

It was the wall all along.

Thank you!

Thank you!

Cauliflower?

It looks like a brain.

Oh, right.

The orb won't take me, but it's gonna go
out of its way for a crunchy vegetable?

Yay!

It came for the cauliflower!

I mean brain.

It came for me.

Didn't you?

No.

Actually, I was just checking out that
cauliflower.

Looked a lot like a brain.

Hmm.

My mistake.

The capital of Nebraska is Lincoln.

The Constitution was ratified in 1787.

Happy Days was filmed in front of a live
audience.

Do you really think
you can tempt me with a

meaningless display of
rote memorization, huh?

Grover Cleveland was the only president to
serve non-consecutive terms.

Robert Fulton invented the first working
steamboat.

And if you follow me into the bathroom,
I'll recite the Gettysburg Address.

Well, I'm not saying I'm impressed,
but I could use a bit of a nibble.

Maybe I'll take your brain as a palate
cleanser.

I'm all yours.

Ha!

That primitive device was destroyed when I
escaped.

What is your plan?

To hurl it at me?

Maybe I fixed it.

That would have required reading the
manual.

An impossibility given your tic-tac-sized
brain.

Really?

And what would you
say if I told you that I

managed to reverse the
positronic neuron flow?

Well, I'd say you memorized a lot of big
words without knowing how to apply them.

Maybe I learned.

That machine doesn't work!

You're incapable of learning!

That's what I thought.

Until I tried.

No!

You did read the manual!

Yippee-ki-yay, disco ball!

Now to set things right.

Quick!

Lise, test my brain.

Who was the first person to produce an
artificial transmutation of elements?

I don't know that.

Give me an easier one.

On what level of doom do you get the pulse
r*fle?

Level 9!

We're smart again!

Look around.

You'd never know anything happened here
yesterday.

Thanks to Gary.

We're lucky you broke down and finally
read the manual.

Who broke down?

I just turned to the last page and called
the 1-800 tech support number.

There was a tech support number all along?

Did I forget to mention that?

Relax.

The crisis is over and everyone's back to
normal.

Hello?

Hello?

This is Principal Scampi.

Is anyone out there?

This is the third day of my ordeal.

And still, the door refuses to yield.

I've lost all hope for rescue.

Oh, how my bladder strains for sweet
release.

Please.

This is your beloved principal.

Signing off.

Forever.

Swing low.

Sweet chariot.

Coming for to carry me home.

Swing low.

Sweet chariot.

Coming for to carry me home.

We're science!

For fantasy and microchips.

sh**ting from the hip Something different
will make it with science.

Oh, pictures from a
magazine, bits and pieces,

bits and pieces,
pieces of my creation.

Is it real?

It's my creation.

And I know.

It's my creation from my heart and from my
head.

Why don't people understand my intentions?

Oh, my God.