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Uranus Attacks (2024)

Comedy Movie Collection.
(Buddy/Dark/Black/Parody/Screwball/Slapstick/Sketch/Satire/Spoof/Mock/Comedians/etc.)

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Comedy Movie Collection.

Uranus Attacks (2024)

Post by bunniefuu »

[rooster crows]

[banjo music]

[dog panting]

MAN: I need you to

stop doing that.

BOY: OK.

[music playing]

[children clamoring]

[snores]

More spanking?

A little spanking there?

[snores]

[children scream]

Ah.

[glass shatters]

Oh!

Not a-- mm.

Oh.

Ah.

Damn it!

Earl!

Hey, mom.

Oh, hey.

Morning, honey.

You want some coffee?

No, thanks.

Earl broke the-- sorry, can

you just-- can you cover

up just a little bit, please?

Oh, sorry.

Yeah.

You know what?

Never mind.

I got it.

What about Earl?

LUKE: Doesn't matter.

Hey, don't go over to Earl's.

Honey?

[music playing]

Hey, Earl.

Earl.

Hey, Earl.

Can I talk to you for a second?

You are talking to me.

Earl, I'd really like it if

we could just talk man to man.

I would like it if Marisa

Tomei talked to me woman to man,

but that ain't going to happen.

So what are you going to do?

Your golf ball

broke my window.

I didn't do it.

Well, then what's this?

It's a golf ball.

It ain't mine.

Oh, yeah.

No, it was some other jerk

hitting golf ba*ls next door.

You say something to me?

Yeah, you're responsible.

And you broke my window, my

mom's window, our window.

Well, which is it, your

window, mommy's window?

Whose--

- It's my mom's house.

So you broke her window.

You're standing up

for your mommy now?

Yeah.

Yeah, I am.

I didn't have a problem with

your mom until you moved back.

And now it's always, Earl,

don't urinate in our yard.

Earl, don't bring rescue

eagles to the house.

Earl, you can't

sunbathe on the roof.

Earl, you can't

run a dispensary.

Earl, you ran over my dog.

You did run over

my dog when I was 14.

That was you, you lying piece--

- Hey, Earl.

Hey, I was wondering if

I could ask you a favor.

Could you help me replace

my window, please?

I'm sure it was an accident.

Yeah, anything, Miss Patty.

While I'm at it,

I'll teach your boy

how to do stuff around the

house, you know, be a man.

That would be lovely, Earl.

Mm.

Come on.

Your breath is full of m*rder.

Look, it's just a window, OK?

Also, you need to get going.

I packed this for you.

And you need to go

and impress the mayor,

get that big promotion.

So you don't want to be late.

Mom, please, it's

not that big of a deal.

Well, if it makes you

happy, it's a big deal to me.

OK, you go ahead and

think about yourself.

I'll be fine.

I can handle Earl.

I don't like that you can't.

I'll see you later.

Don't go to the trailer.

Shut your g*dd*mn mouth.

[music playing]

[phone ringing]

[sighs]

[phone ringing]

Hey, Roy.

You will not believe what

Earl did this morning.

Forget Earl.

Where are you?

Tiffany is pissed.

I'm on Route 66.

What happened?

Someone forgot to

close Uranus last night.

Well, Cletus was

supposed to close Uranus.

Cletus just said you were

supposed to close your Uranus.

LUKE (ON PHONE): What?

No, he closed.

Not me.

Tiffany is pissed.

She's about to open Uranus.

Hey, when you say "Uranus,"

do you mean "Uranus"

or "your an*s"?

Both.

Come to Uranus as

fast as you can.

The mayor has some big surprise.

LUKE (ON PHONE): What is it?

If I knew what it was, it

wouldn't be a big surprise.

Well, listen, I'll be

there as soon as I can.

Don't let him start without me.

Excuse me.

I can't get the cards.

Can you move?

The cards are underneath your--

I bet it's probably about

that assistant manager position.

Just cover for me.

As your best friend--

Not my best friend.

Your best friend

will cover your an*s.

Thanks, not my best friend.

And I will fabricate

a lie so ingenious

that tabloids will use it

for future generations to--

[phone disconnects]

Hello?

Yeah.

Yes, I'll see you very

soon, best friend.

Yes, you're clearly

on the phone with me.

All right, love you.

Bye.

Is this your card?

[whistling]

Is it one of these four?

[hacking]

You cheated.

[ominous music]

[slug screeches]

[ominous music]

Ah.

[slug screeches]

[grunts] There it is, yep.

[ominous music]

What the-- Oh, man.

No, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no.

Oh.

Oh!

[groans] Oh.

Oh, no.

Ow!

[jarring music]

[music stops]

[pop music] Watch me,

watch me, watch me

Did you never think about it

- Hey.

[horn honks]

[pop music]

Are you serious?

Hello?

(SINGING) Pushing this boy

Can you handle, handle me?

See that booty in the back

Think you're going

to get a snack

Move!

(SINGING) Now watch me

strut with my front butt

Watch me jiggle

Watch me shake

Work the pavement like a runway

Strut--

Hey!

(SINGING) --with my front butt

Watch me jiggle

Watch me shake

Work the pavement like a runway

Booty in the back

Booty in the front

Booty for breakfast

Booty for lunch

See me on the tick TikTok

[siren wailing]

Fudge!

[siren wailing]

[music playing distantly]

[radio chatter]

[knock on window]

Going a little

fast, weren't you?

Sorry, there was a lady jogging

right in the middle of the road.

I didn't see no lady.

Did you, Sheriff?

No, I didn't.

I work at Uranus

Fudge Factory,

and they have this big

announcement there today.

And I'm feeling--

What is that,

some kind of joke?

Yeah, is that

some kind of joke?

Maybe a poop joke?

Ernie, how is "Big

announcement" a poop joke?

Could be a big poop.

License and registration.

Are you serious?

Dead serious.

He's going for a weapon!

He's going to try and

give us a paper cut!

[radio chatter]

I hate that man.

[ominous music]

[knock on door]

[ominous music]

Hey, Earl.

You're a little

early for the window.

I still need to go to the

hardware store and pick it up,

so.

[grunts]

You OK?

[ominous music]

OK.

Well, I will let you know

when I have the window.

And have a good day, Earl.

Hey, honey.

Honey, you are drunk, OK?

You need to go home.

You need to sleep it off.

Earl, no!

Earl, no!

Get out of my house!

No, Earl!

Get out!

Get out!

[screams]

[radio chatter]

I ran your registration.

This is Patty McCormick's car.

Did you steal it from her?

She's my mom.

You know this, Ernie.

We went to high school together.

That's Deputy Ernie to you.

Easy.

Sorry, Sheriff.

I just get really upset

when people break the law.

It makes me mad, mad.

Mad, I tell you!

Mad!

You got my deputy

all riled up.

You were 15 over.

And in this county,

that's a criminal offense.

So you're going to have

to go down to court.

- Court?

- Don't you worry.

I set you one up already.

I'm not mad.

I'm just disappointed, a

young man with a future

full of promise.

I don't know if I'm

comfortable with you

using that familiar tone.

Well, get comfortable with it!

You know, I talked to your

mom at length when we dated.

And I know it would just

break her heart to see

her little boy as a criminal.

Yeah, a dirty, rotten,

no good, stinking,

lousy, horrible criminal!

I'll tell you what,

I won't tell your mom

if you clean up your act.

You dated my mom for a week.

Slow down.

[radio chatter]

[music playing]

[horn honks]

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You crazy cat!

Are you OK?

Ah!

What the heck?

Why?

Freaking fish!

Watch how you drive in Uranus!

[groans]

Man, it took you long enough.

Dude, the sheriff

gave me a stupid ticket.

- Really?

- Yes.

Man, you think he would

have let you off since he

and your mom hooked up.

Don't say "hook up," Roy.

Sorry, made love.

That's even worse.

They dated for a week

and nothing happened.

Dude, your mom is a

beautiful woman with needs.

And I want you to let

me know that if she

ever has needs that

need fulfilled,

I can be there for her--

- Roy, that's--

- --so fast.

- That's enough.

- I'll be there for her.

Roy, that's enough.

- Just like I'm here for you--

- Roy--

- --I can be there for your mom.

- --that is enough.

I'm just saying.

Thank you.

I told everyone that

the two-headed turtle

got out of its terrarium again.

They're all going to

be looking for it.

So no one will notice

that you came in late.

- OK, great.

- All right.

Thanks, I owe you.

Yeah, you do.

Man, people are driving

crazy in Uranus.

What-- go back to the shop!

All right.

Now remember, stick to

the story and no one

will know that you were gone.

[music playing]

Oh, f--

BOTH: Fudge.

It looks like they

found the turtle, Roy.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

Hey, Miss Tiffany.

Hi, y'all.

I heard that the two-headed

turtle had escaped.

And Roy was telling

me about that.

And I went looking for it.

Did you guys find it?

The turtle's in its cage.

Oh.

[laughs sarcastically]

Wow, it must have climbed

down and then climbed back in.

Imagine that.

Two-headed turtles are very

nomadic from what I hear,

twice as nomadic as

a one-headed turtle.

Push and Pull had a good

old time, didn't they?

Yep, I bet they did.

So much fun.

They were so fast.

It's turtles.

You didn't even take

it out of the cage?

I tried.

Mr. Mayor, would you like

to give your big announcement?

All right, everybody quiet down.

Settle in.

The mayor is going to make

his big announcement, which is

probably about his retirement.

Thank you, Cletus.

That was the news.

I was going to tell everybody.

All right.

Well, everybody already knows.

I'm considering retiring.

Damn it.

I was going to be the one--

you took away my thunder!

Wait, wait, wait.

Does this mean you're

closing Uranus?

No, no.

I'm keeping Uranus wide open.

I mean, we have all these

amazing fudge packers.

And someone needs to be

grabbing people's Redneck Nutz.

What's most important, though,

is we need a new leader.

Someone who can carry

these stars and stripes.

Someone as handsome and as smart

and as extremely humble as yours

truly.

And I want it to

be one of you guys.

So for the next few

months, I'm going

to be observing very closely

each and every one of you.

And hopefully, one of you

deserve to wear my suit.

No, no, your own suit.

All right, let's

all go back to work.

All right, you

heard Miss Tiffany.

Let's get back to being the

best fudge packers we can be.

Grab those nuts, Redneck Nutz.

Pack that fudge.

And let's help everyone in

Uranus that we possibly can.

Not you, Luke.

You stay.

Do you need me to stay, too?

Is your name Luke?

No, it's Roy.

OK, then get back to

the sideshow museum.

Yes, Miss Tiff--

LUKE: Later, dude.

I'm sorry.

What's up, Miss Tiffany?

Uh.

Look, is this about

me closing last night?

Because Cletus was the one that

was scheduled to do that, so.

Are you calling me a liar?

Uh, no.

I'm just saying that if

your name is associated

with the closing shift, that

usually means that you're

going to close the store.

Look, I read it as

"close," not "close."

Like, be close to the

store, not close the store.

Yeah, and I thought giving

you the keys and saying lock it

up was pretty self-explanatory.

Listen, this pee-pee

measuring contest ends today.

Shake hands.

Nope.

Come on, shake hands.

Now hug.

I'm not going to do that.

MISS TIFFANY: Hug.

LUKE: No.

MISS TIFFANY: We

don't have all day.

Hug it out.

Come on.

I'm on top.

MISS TIFFANY: Now kiss.

- No.

- Not a cha--

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Thank you, Miss Tiffany.

I'm going to take Luke

here, and we're going

to go have a few words, OK?

Hey, Luke.

I'm watching you.

Get back to your station.

Go.

[music playing]

Have a seat, Luke.

Nice shot.

[banjo note plays]

So how's Miss Patty doing?

She's fine.

Yeah, she is.

Yeah.

It's not what I meant, yeah.

Did you want to talk

to me about something?

Oh, yeah.

Right, right.

I don't know if you've heard,

but I'm thinking about retiring.

Yeah, yeah.

We all heard that,

like, five minutes ago

when we were down there.

- Oh, yeah.

Well, I'm thinking about

making you my replacement.

What?

Really, why?

Why?

Oh, come on, Luke.

You're smart.

You're funny.

You're educated.

You know the business

side of this.

I think this would really

be good for Uranus.

Good for your

heinous-- you get it?

[laughs] Oh, man.

I don't know what to say.

It's not a done

deal, but I personally

think that you have the

qualities it takes to really

be a great leader, Luke.

Can I ask you, why me?

I mean, there's

plenty of other people

that have been here for

a lot longer than I have.

Well, it's obvious.

I mean, you've got ambition.

And you've got real

world experience.

And definitely, you've worn

suits that are a lot more

boring than this one.

I know for a fact you would

be a great a*s-et, asset.

[chuckles] You get it?

No offense, I don't know if

I want to stay here in Uranus.

I still have goals and dreams.

Like what?

Have a family, you know,

be the head of a company.

Just be important.

Well, that's exactly

what I'm offering you here,

I mean, except for

the family part.

You're going to have to

do that one yourself.

Yeah, but in Uranus?

What?

You're-- you're too proud?

Is this beneath you to

make people laugh and--

No.

--put smiles on

people's faces?

LUKE: No.

I mean, even as

the mayor of Uranus?

It's not like that, sir.

Then what's it like?

I don't know what I want.

Well, I'll tell you

what, you take some time.

You think about this.

But you get back to me, OK?

OK.

Oh, wait, wait.

Can you do me one more

favor before you leave?

Yeah.

When you get back down there,

would you tell Cletus to stop

grabbing every customer's nuts?

Let's let the fudge packers

have a little fun for a change.

Yeah.

Thank you, buddy.

You're welcome, pal.

[music playing]

Check around back.

[music playing]

Miss McCormick?

[ominous music]

[slug screeches]

Welcome to Uranus.

So, what's the tea?

The tea?

The tea, the hot goss,

the 401, the down low.

Oh, my gosh.

Tell me what the mayor told you.

How do you know that?

A magician never

reveals his secrets.

You're not a

real magician, Roy.

A magician in training

never reveals his secrets.

Roy.

All right, a sideshow

museum employee

never reveals her secrets.

Tell me what he said.

He wanted me to be the mayor.

BOTH: Welcome to Uranus.

Shut up.

You're going to be the--

- Shh!

Shut up!

Shut up!

I told him I'd think about it.

You're going to be

the mayor of Uranus?

- [whispering]

- Sorry, sorry.

Dude, I said I'd

think about it.

I'd think about it.

Think about it?

What is there to think about?

Say yes!

No.

And then-- oh, then you can

make me your deputy mayor.

And you'd be like,

he's my number two.

Look, can--

that's pretty good.

Yeah.

Can we not talk

about this right now?

Don't you have

anything better to do?

No, because I'm

your best friend.

Dude, you're not

my best friend.

And it falls under

my best friend duties--

You're not my best friend.

BOTH: Welcome to Uranus.

--my best friend duties--

Not my best friend.

Duties, so.

Duties.

[both chuckle]

To celebrate with you.

Come on, let's celebrate.

Well, where are we going

to go, Walmart or Lowe's?

Judy's Place.

Dude, we go

there all the time.

That's not really a

celebrating place.

It is if I buy you drinks.

But, like, one drink because

I get paid next week.

Listen, it may

not even happen.

I know I should be

happy, but I'm not.

Don't touch that.

- Ow!

Come on, man, this

is a big deal.

You should be happy.

Don't be a grumpy goose.

Be a happy duck.

Come on.

Say, I'm a happy duck.

- Dude, no.

- Say, I'm a happy duck.

- No.

- Who's a happy duck?

- Stop it.

- Who's a happy duck?

- I'm done.

Who's a happy duck?

I'm a happy duck.

I'm a happy duck.

He's a happy duck, everyone.

He's a happy duck.

Hey, happy duck.

Ha.

Ha.

Diana.

Hey.

Hi.

How can I pack your fudge?

Oh, that's a bit

forward, isn't it?

Sorry.

No, no, no, sorry.

That's just part of--

- No, no, relax.

I know.

It's part of the shtick.

Um, I need a pound of peanut

butter fudge for my mom.

It's her favorite.

It's her birthday.

- Oh, cool.

I wanted to surprise her.

Well, Luke can pack your

mom's fudge really good.

[laughs] OK, you're funny.

Happy birthday to mom,

even though she's not my mom.

Because we'd have to be married

in order for her to be my mom.

And that's-- we-- that isn't--

that--

Dude.

There you go.

Thanks.

Hey, Luke and I are

celebrating tonight.

Really?

What for?

Some top secret Uranus stuff.

But we would love it if you

came and had drinks with us

at Judy's Place.

You know what, Roy--

sorry, he loves to plan a lot

of stuff, you know, last minute.

I'm sure she's got

a lot of other--

MAN: Welcome to Uranus.

Welcome to Uranus.

I'm already going there

tonight with some friends.

- Really?

- Yeah.

We're friends.

We are, and so

are Janice and Beau.

Janice sounds nice.

She can be.

Beau's going to be there?

Sup, fudge packers?

BOTH: Beau.

So nice to smell you.

Luke, buddy, when did

you get back to town?

Um, like, a year ago.

Crazy.

I haven't seen you

in here at all.

Yeah, you come in here,

like, every other week.

- Yeah.

- I can smell it.

Yeah, I've been pretty

busy running my dad's

tractor rental business.

That's what I smell.

Yeah, it's the manure.

Business is going pretty

good, as you can probably tell.

That's really cool.

What was the genius's name?

It's me.

I'm the genius.

But I thought

your name was Beau.

Ooh!

Let me get you some aloe

vera for that sick burn.

So, Luke, will

I see you tonight?

At Judy's Place?

You guys sure you

can afford that?

Yeah, we have coupons.

You know--

WOMAN: Welcome to Uranus.

BOTH: Welcome to Uranus.

You know what?

I actually-- I'm really,

really busy tonight.

Yeah, yeah.

No, for sure, for sure.

It looks like it.

Yeah, there's actually a lot

that goes into making Uranus

Fudge Factory run smoothly.

Yeah.

Stuff that maybe

geniuses like you

may not be able to comprehend.

Cool, cool.

Babe, are you ready to go?

Yeah.

Um, You should

come tonight, Luke.

It would be fun to catch up.

Hey, babe.

You ready to go?

I just took a bath

in Axe body spray.

God, I hate that guy!

Dude, why is

she even with him?

Probably because you

haven't asked her out.

Dude, I can't

just ask her out.

Yes, you can.

It's real easy.

She was, like, right there.

You've been in love with

her since high school.

Why can't you just call her up?

Dude, because she's somebody.

She deserves to

be with somebody.

And you think Beau's somebody?

Beau?

Listen, as your

best friend it's--

Why do you keep saying

that you're my best friend?

Because you're my best friend.

I am?

Dude, why do you

hurt me like that?

Dude, dude.

I'm kidding.

Whatever.

Do you want to go get lunch?

WOMAN: Welcome to Uranus.

Welcome to Uranus.

Yeah, that's good.

I'll take that.

[beeping]

Hm.

[beep]

Hm.

What?

Mama said I need

to go on a diet.

Ah.

Hey, Sheriff.

Hmm.

Have you ever had

to fire your g*n?

Seven times.

[coughs] Seven times?

You've shot seven people?

No, I have discharged

my sidearm seven times.

Oh.

I never hit anything.

Do you think I'll ever

get to discharge my sidearm?

Hmm, let's hope it

never comes down to that.

Oh.

Hey, Sheriff.

Hmm.

DEPUTY: Have you ever

wanted to, you know,

move someplace with a

little bit more action?

Action?

Yeah, like drug

dealers peddling heroin,

or a serial k*ller that's

leaving behind breadcrumbs,

or chasing a bad guy on a

train while it's raining.

No, I do not.

Oh.

Because if that's

happening in my town,

that means I failed to

scare the criminals away.

And you've done a fantastic

job of that, Sheriff.

The only violators we have

around here are speeders.

You just be thankful we

live in a quiet, peaceful town

with hardworking Americans.

Why's that?

[inhales deeply]

[exhales sharply]

'Cause I've seen

some things, things

that'll give you nightmares.

DEPUTY: Like what?

I wouldn't want to burden

you with that knowledge.

Oh.

[ominous music]

Whoa!

Oh.

Ah!

Our father who art in

heaven, hallowed be thy name!

Whoa, Deputy!

Whoa.

I think it's a fighter jet

from the military base.

What?

A fighter jet.

What?

It was just a flyover.

Relax.

Oh.

Well, at least I got

to fire my sidearm.

Yeah.

Yeah, you did.

I guess I got my wish.

Yeah.

[chuckles]

Just get in the car.

False alarm.

Huh?

Oh, OK.

[music playing]

Oh, welcome to Uranus.

Can I grab you a nuts?

I beg your pardon?

Redneck Nutz.

Maybe I can pack your fudge.

[growls]

Or maybe I can show

you around Uranus.

I'm looking for

Luke McCormick.

Where is he?

He's not here.

He went to lunch.

Where?

I don't know.

He'll be back soon.

Has Luke shown any

abnormal behavior?

I'll be quite honest.

I've never seen Luke's abs to

know whether they're normal

or not.

But Roy on the other hand,

he ain't got any abs.

Has he been acting strange?

Roy's kind of an off brand

Jack Black, so I'd say yes.

Not Roy, Luke.

Has Luke been exhibiting

anything irregular?

Oh, that

Well, ma'am, I understand

that this is Uranus and all,

but you don't want

to see whether Luke

is irregular or regular,

if you catch my drift.

Oh, that's my ear.

Oh, that hurts.

I don't have time

for your games.

I'm with the utility company.

Give me a call the second

you see Luke McCormick.

He must have run

up quite the bill.

He has.

Thanks for coming in Uranus.

Goodbye, Luke.

Hello, Mr. Mayor Cletus.

[laughs] Hey!

What the fudge, Tiffany?

That is not what we're doing!

There's nothing like a

little tickle in your an*s.

Get off me!

LUKE: Roy, do you

have any dreams?

Huh?

Do you have dreams and goals?

I've always wanted to solve a

Sudoku puzzle in under an hour.

I mean, like, is it

your dream to stay here

and do this forever?

Wouldn't that be

awesome, staying

here with my best friend,

making poop jokes all day.

Zero drama.

Did you ever want to go out

and see what else is out there?

Like you did?

Yeah.

Would you come with me?

Why?

It's a scary world out there.

[both shriek]

And what if there's

more people like this?

Bad kitty!

That's a bad kitty!

Go home!

Go back to the shop!

How do you pay her?

I pay her in kibble.

It's not even cat kibble.

It's dog kibble.

But for real.

Hypothetically, you could

do anything in the world

that you wanted that

would make you happy.

What would you do?

I'm too stupid

to do what I want.

Not as dumb as the guy who

moved back in with his mom

after his business failed.

Who's that?

Maybe not.

Dude, I'm talking about me, Roy.

Oh, yeah.

Because you-- you left

and you moved back.

And now you live with your mom.

- That's enough.

ROY: And--

What would make you happy?

Mm.

Dog farm.

What?

- Dog farm.

- Yeah.

No, I heard you the first time.

What is a dog farm?

You know when parents

tell their kids when

their dog's getting old,

OK, kids, we're going

to take the dog to the farm?

Yeah.

I want to be that farm.

So you want to k*ll dogs?

No!

I don't want to k*ll dogs.

I want to take care of

them, you know, help them

be happy through their their

last day, take care of the dogs

that people don't want.

Maybe there's, like, a

puppy farm for people.

OK.

So you want to board dogs?

If I got enough dogs,

they wouldn't be bored.

Oh, and a wife.

What does she look like?

I have no idea.

But she has the same quality

that I look for in every woman.

No sense of smell?

No, no.

She's gotta like me.

Hmm.

Because even if she

likes me just a little bit,

I can take that little

like and turn it into love.

That's cute and sad all

at the same time, Roy.

You work with what you got.

Yeah.

What about you?

What would you do if you

could do anything you wanted?

I don't know.

I don't know if I'd want to

stay in this town or not,

but I want to be somewhere

where I feel like I belong

and I feel like I'm

important, you know.

Like, maybe have a big business

or invent something, you know?

Just do something people

remember me for, you know?

Something big that

Uranus will never forget.

Yeah.

I know I didn't want to come

back here, that's for sure.

Not even for Diana?

I don't know, man.

Speaking of which, are we

going out tonight or what?

Dude, I don't want

to bump into Diana.

Can I bump into her?

Hey!

Kidding.

But seriously, why not?

Why don't you want to go out?

Dude, you know why--

Beau.

She did not look

excited to see Beau.

She did look excited

to spend time with you.

Well, she did say that.

And, hey, if it

all falls through,

you can at least wingman

for your best friend.

You're not my best friend.

I'm going to ignore that

you said that because we

just had a really nice moment.

[scoffs]

Break's up.

We should probably

get back to Uranus.

[blows raspberry]

[music playing]

Hey, why don't you

holster that thing?

Yes, sir.

Donut crust everywhere.

Here, you want one?

No, thank you.

You sure?

These are really good.

I had one.

Well, I know.

I don't need another one.

A good one always

deserves a second one.

No, no, no.

I'm good.

OFFICER (ON RADIO):

Transport is on the way.

All units respond.

I'm here.

That's a 10-25.

I wish you'd let me-- oop.

[growling]

Do you hear that?

Yeah, it sounded like a bear.

Or a cougar.

We should check that out.

OK.

[growling]

Ah!

Sheriff, they got me!

[growling]

Earl?

It's going down south!

What the heck is that?

- You feeling all right?

- No!

We'll get you

down to the station,

get you sobered up, all right?

Oh, man, you don't look so good.

Oh, what's happening?

[slug screeches]

[dramatic music]

[growling]

[dramatic music]

[phone rings]

The rocket has landed.

What?

The c*ck has hollered and

is now roosting at the roost.

Excuse me?

The knuckle's been buckled.

Are you speaking in a

code implying that Luke

McCormick has returned?

Yes.

[sighs] All right.

Keep him there.

We will be there shortly.

Johnson, it's time to go.

Stop playing Candy Crush.

[phone chimes]

[chuckles malevolently]

I know what you're up to.

Oh!

Cletus, you-- nice shorts.

Man, I hope you

don't catch a cold.

It's so breezy.

Don't you patronize me.

I know you're up to something.

You know what, Cletus?

If you can tell me what

the word "patronize"

means, I'll gladly tell

you exactly what I'm up to.

You think you can

just abandon your town

and then waltz right back in,

be a mediocre fudge packer,

nut grabber, and wear

long pants and just

charm your way to the top?

Look, I didn't leave

and abandon the town.

I just went to college

and I got a real job.

You think you're

better than me?

Yeah, just a little bit.

Why don't you tell me what's

bothering you, Daisy Duke?

I know the mayor's looking

at you to replace him.

That's not true.

When he retires, there's going

to be a huge hole in Uranus,

and nobody can fill it!

[crying]

Cletus.

Cletus.

He's the father

I always wanted!

Handsome, smart, and humble.

You know, he's a dilf too.

Suited to loving fudge.

Stop it.

You're scaring the customers.

Welcome to Uranus.

Welcome to Uranus.

Keep it together.

Keep it together.

Look, walk with me.

I don't care about

being the mayor.

You're just saying

that because you

want to be humble like him.

No, no, no, no.

I actually-- I don't care.

You know who I think would

do a great job at it is you.

You do?

Yeah, you'd be great at it.

I might just walk

upstairs and tell him

you're the man for the job.

I see what you're

trying to do.

You're trying to

get me off my guard.

That way, bam, you

can sneak up and take

me down with your master plan.

Why is this the craziest day?

You know what, Cletus?

Guess what?

I don't care.

I don't care about Uranus.

I don't care about

packing fudge.

I don't care about

picking your an*s.

I don't care about Redneck Nutz.

I don't care about talking

about the big black c*ck.

[c*ck crows]

You know what, Cletus?

I don't care about anything!

You want to be the mayor?

You can do it, all right?

I'm out, dude!

Get some pants!

Huzzah!

No.

No, Luke, come back.

Oh, fudge!

Hey, Luke.

Not now, dude!

You stupid cat!

Hey, what's wrong?

You want to know what's up?

Yeah, yeah.

What's wrong?

It's Cletus.

It's this stupid town.

It's that stupid cat.

That's why I was excited

to get out of here, man.

It's going to

be OK, all right?

Everything's fine.

Everything's chill.

I'm out, dude.

Wait, you're out?

What does out mean?

Like, leaving?

Luke, are you leaving?

Wait, just-- so you're leaving?

Luke, are you leaving?

Luke, are you leaving?

I see you getting in your--

don't leave.

Luke, don't you start that car.

Luke, don't leave.

Luke, are you leaving?

Luke, come back.

Luke!

Oh, this is bad.

I gotta smooth this over.

I'm going to go check on--

go back to the shop!

[crying softly]

Why are we here?

Oh, thank you for meeting me

by the big black c*ck, Tiffany.

I want to make a

formal complaint.

Luke berated me in front

of the customers and--

and all the other staff members

just so he could make himself

look like he fits the

mayor role even better.

He took away my power.

Oh, I see it in your eyes.

He made you think

that I'm crazy.

Oh, he's good.

He's playing chess, and I'm--

I'm stuck here playing boggle.

Checkers?

What?

Checkers.

The term is "checkers."

It's not "boggle."

I don't like checkers.

I like boggle.

No, that's not the point.

Oh, hey, Sheriff.

Earl, you don't look so good.

What's he doing?

What are you doing?

No!

[both scream]

Welcome to Uranus.

Hello.

Welcome to Uranus, indeed.

I'm looking for

Luke McCormick.

Do you know where he is?

I don't know.

He and Cletus had a big,

big fight, and he left.

Not as big as you,

though, big boy.

Hello.

It is imperative

that I find him.

Who would know where he is?

Oh, you just look like a

tree I could scurry up all day.

[mimics squirrel] Oh,

squirrel wants her candy.

OK, excuse me, Luke McCormick?

Excuse me.

I heard you the first time,

and my answer is still the same.

I don't know.

What say we ditch

this frigid lady

and you sling me over

your big, broad shoulders

like a sack of apples?

Hey, can you

have someone watch

the sideshow museum for me?

Not now, Roy.

Mama's working.

Oh, sorry.

I didn't mean to interrupt.

Try the number two.

It's amazing.

Luke might be going through

something right now.

And so I just want to

go check on and make

sure he's OK, all right?

Luke McCormick?

Yeah.

No.

Wait, who are you?

Tourists.

We heard Luke packs

the best fudge.

You just give me five minutes

and you'll forget all about Luke

packing anything.

Luke does pack a mean fudge.

[romantic music]

Uh, yeah.

I'm going to leave

you in good hands.

Not her hands.

But you're beautiful.

I mean, Uranus is beautiful.

It's a beautiful day in Uranus.

Shh.

Bye.

OK.

We need to split up.

You stay here in

case he circles back.

I'll follow this lead

and bring in Luke.

Don't mingle with the locals.

Things are about to

get messy in Uranus.

Call me!

I'll pack your fudge.

[horn honks]

[growling]

What the heck?

Hey, Mom, did you leave

the door unlocked?

Mom?

[growling]

Mom?

[growling]

[ominous music]

[growling]

Mom?

Mom?

Mom?

Mom, are you in my room?

Hey.

Oh, my--

[gibberish]

What are you doing here?

Did I scare you?

No, I just like to scream

and I like to fudge my pants!

- Did you fudge your pants?

- No.

It's just a figure

of speech, Roy.

'Cause it's cool if

you fudged your pants.

It's-- I mean, fudge happens.

What are you doing here?

Well, you were really

upset at the fudge factory.

And I was nervous that you

were going to run away,

so I wanted to come here

and make sure you were OK.

Dude, I wasn't running away.

I just needed some space.

[growling]

What's your mom

up to in there?

We're coming in!

Whoa, don't talk to

your mom like that.

She's a nice lady.

Dude, I don't

even know who it is.

That's not my mom in there.

Oh.

Oh.

We're coming in.

We're-- no, no, no, no.

You come in.

I don't want to.

You said you

wanted to help me?

This is help.

[stutters]

Ready?

OK, fine.

I'll help you with this.

It's probably just a

raccoon or a possum.

But then everything

goes back to normal, OK?

And you put on a smiley face and

we go back to the fudge factory

and have a great time.

- Fine!

- Fine.

- Fine.

- Fine.

- Fine.

Fine.

1, 2, 3.

[alien growls]

[dramatic music]

[alien screeches]

[both scream]

[alien screeches]

[both scream]

[alien screeches]

[both scream]

[alien screeches]

Oh!

Oh!

Dude!

Dude!

Roy!

No!

Oh, Roy!

Roy!

[music playing]

Luke?

Yeah.

You're still there?

Yeah.

This is crazy, man.

I thought I was going to die.

Roy, what's going on, man?

This is Orcinian.

[groans]

Oh, my bad.

This is an Orcinian.

And his name doesn't really

translate to English, but it

kind of sounds like "Julie."

It's on a mission

to hunt down Zamik?

How do you know that, Roy?

This is how they communicate.

They don't use speech.

They communicate by

sharing their thoughts

and feelings through, um,

mouth to mouth contact.

So you're making

out with that thing?

A little.

Cool.

Yeah.

Can you ask Julie if, um,

it knows where my mom is or--?

Yeah, just a second.

[speaking alien language]

This is wild.

I'm getting, like, a thousand

years of alien culture

uploaded into my brain.

Roy, my mom?

Julie doesn't know

where Patty is,

but it's likely she's

been enslaved by Zamik.

Well, can you just

ask her if she just--

They.

- What?

- They.

I don't know what that means.

They!

She isn't really accurate.

They read all my thoughts

about Earth culture

and want you to know that they

don't really have genders.

They're more like plants.

OK.

Accuracy is very

important to them.

How about if I

just call them Julie?

[speaking alien language]

Julie's OK with that.

Now ask Julie if she knows why

my mom was enslaved by a Zamik.

Zamik, just Zamik.

It's a proper noun.

So Zamik is the name of--

Screw syntax and grammar, Roy!

Who is Zamik, and why

does he have my mom?

Zamik is a hive

mind alien slug

who takes over his

host to survive

and multiplies inside them

to take over more people.

His goal is always

world domination.

The Orcinians banished

him to the methane planet

in our solar system

we call Uranus.

The Orcinians sent

Julie to capture Zamik

before he destroys our world.

Well, how does he take

people or enslave them?

He takes over his host by--

What?

What?

Ew!

Zamik a*s-similates people.

Yeah.

No, I get it, assimilates.

That's what cults and

hive mind aliens do

and rich essential oil moms.

No, Zamik assimilates

people in the butt.

Assimilating people

into his slug army

means going into people's

butts and a*s-similating them

in the butt.

Oh, my god.

Zamik is a butt slug.

So Zamik has

a*s-similated my mom.

Probably not her first time.

[speaking alien language]

Dude.

Sorry.

I need to sit down.

Oh.

ROY: Zamik landed on

the Orcinians homeworld

and offered a symbiotic peace.

It was a trap, though.

Zamik enslaved

millions of Orcinians,

taking over their minds,

linking them to his.

Julie is the last

of the rebel force

who knows how to stop Zamik.

She wants to know if we

remember seeing a white shell.

Earl.

[ominous music]

This is my fault.

Freeze!

[g*nshots]

You shot Julie!

It attacked me first!

That's how they

greet each other!

They talk that way.

They were saying hi!

That's unfortunate.

Keep your hands

where I can see them!

Who are you?

I'm Agent Vickers with NAPA.

NAPA?

Like, auto parts?

It's the National

Alien Protection Agency.

And, by the way, we

had the name first.

You're doing a bang up

job protecting aliens.

I'll say.

It's not protection

for aliens.

It's protection from aliens.

Roy, did Julie say anything

about how to get my mom?

She's with us.

Oh.

- Oh.

- Good.

Oh, good.

Is she safe?

Mm, relatively speaking.

What does that mean?

It means she's

as safe as she can

be with extraterrestrial

life forms on the loose.

Look, I--

AGENT VICKERS:

Keep your hands up!

LUKE: Look, I need to see her.

Yeah, he loves his mom.

I can take you to her,

but I need to know if you've

been infected by the alien.

a*s-similated No,

he's not a*s-similated.

a*s-similated?

It's a lot to explain.

If you want, I could--

You just take me

to my mom, please?

OK, OK.

I am choosing to trust

the two of you right now.

Do you want me--

both of them down?

AGENT VICKERS: Put

your hands down.

Let's go.

Don't play with her.

Let's go.

Wait.

What about Julie?

Who's Julie?

Alien.

Ooh.

This is ridiculous.

There is an impending

alien invasion.

Well, you shouldn't

have shot Julie.

Bow your heads.

We are wasting time!

Bow your head, GI Jane.

I will slap the sh*t--

sh*t!

The sooner we get

this done with,

the sooner we can

get out of here.

What can be said of

Julie, the rebel alien

from another planet who gave

their life to save ours?

We connected on

such a deep level.

We shared everything-- my hopes,

my dreams, fears, desires.

Your death will not be in vain.

Julie.

Julie.

Um.

Julie gave us conclusive

evidence that we

are not alone in the universe.

And while that is a

terrifying thought,

it's comforting to know that

they were looking out for us.

That was beautiful, Luke.

Thank you, Roy.

[somber music]

[music stops]

What?

[sighs]

[somber music]

I'm sorry I shot you.

[clears throat]

[sighs] And thank

you for the intel.

Before Julie's

untimely death, they

passed on the knowledge

of how to defeat

Zamik and save the Earth.

And they also

passed on this poem,

which I will now share in

the original orcadian tongue.

Roy?

Oh, ah.

Oh, oh.

AGENT VICKERS: Wait.

- Roy?

- Wait.

Oh, oh.

Wait.

- Roy, stop, stop, stop.

- Wait.

Roy.

Roy!

Roy, stop.

- Guys, I'm in the middle of it.

Just wait.

It's really beautiful.

- Wait, they said what?

- Let me--

--how to do--

Roy, stop!

Stop!

What?

That is kind of an

important detail, Roy.

I was going to tell you.

I'm mourning a dear

friend right now.

OK, but you've only

known her for 15 minutes.

But our minds

shared centuries.

Then she'll

understand-- or excuse me,

they, they will understand

why we have to go right now.

You show me where my

mom is, and Roy will

tell you how to defeat Zamik.

We have to go.

- Who is Zamik?

Well, I'll fill you in.

But we got to make a stop first.

15 minutes?

Are you kidding me?

It was mouth to mouth contact!

Who cares?

[ominous music]

[slug screeches]

Oh, what--

I'm scared, Luke.

Your mom is in there.

But I want to remind you

that your mother is safe.

I don't like

where this is going.

LUKE: OK.

She is fine, but--

Great, another "but."

Roy.

She was brought

here for observation.

Why is she being observed?

Your mother was

assimilated by Zamik.

[clears throat] a*s-similated.

a*s-similated.

Accuracy is important.

We needed to keep her

in a secure location

until we knew what

we were dealing with.

Oh, great.

The government's just

kidnapping people

now just for their own safety.

Listen, you naive manchild!

I am trying to save the planet.

And I'm sorry I shot

your alien friend.

Against my better judgment,

I tried to make amends

by helping you bury

them, despite the fact

that a parasitic butt slug

has invaded your hometown

and is threatening

to enslave the world!

Now, if the next words out of

your little tiny bird mouth

are anything but

helpful, I will shove

my Italian leather boot

so far up your a*s,

you will gain a new nationality.

Do you understand me?

I said, do you understand me?

How can I talk?

You said not to talk

unless it was about Zamik.

Oh, my god.

What is happening to me?

LUKE: Roy, just show

us how to stop Zamik.

OK.

Mom?

It's like Guantanamo

Bay in here.

It's nice.

It's nice in here.

It was necessary.

Mom?

I can promise you, that

is not your mom in there.

All right, step back.

[music playing]

[growls]

[music playing]

Hurry.

Hurry up.

I'm-- I'm sorry, Miss Patty.

[music playing]

[music stops]

[music playing]

That's it?

I think so.

[growls]

I thought you said

this was going to work.

It is.

Julie specifically

put salt in my mind.

There's gotta be

another way to it.

What do you think

it could be, then?

They didn't have to eat it?

[screams] [grunts]

[music playing]

Mom?

[growls]

OK, OK.

Well, plug her nose.

Plug her nose.

Got it.

Got it.

Come on.

Open it.

Open your mouth.

Ah!

This isn't working, Roy.

Give it a minute!

Give it a minute!

Did you use the

right kind of salt?

I don't know.

Maybe I should have

got the pink Himalayan.

Argh!

Oh.

Oh.

Mom?

[stomach rumbling]

[screams]

Oh!

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

AGENT VICKERS: Oh, no.

I'm going to be sick.

Miss Patty.

Miss Patty.

LUKE: Mom.

Are you OK?

- Mom?

- Miss Patty?

Mom.

You're somewhere safe.

What's happening?

You're safe.

Here.

Roy.

Roy, I got it.

I got it.

OK.

OK, you help your mom.

Yeah, don't look that way.

Oh.

No, no, no.

We got to get out of here.

He's on his way.

He's coming.

- Who?

Who?

- He's coming.

Zamik, Earl!

They are on their

way here right now.

They have Tiffany, and--

and the deputy, and the

Sheriff, and your partner.

This facility is compromised.

We have to go.

- Wait, how do you know that?

I thought this was a safe place.

BOTH: Their minds are linked.

That's why you had

the bag on their head.

They could see everything

that was going on.

We suspected that they

may operate as a hive mind.

We did that as a precaution

to ensure that she

didn't give away our position.

I thought I was trapped

in a nightmare when

you had that bag over my head.

Oh, Zamik could see

and hear everything.

He knows.

He knows that you

know his weakness.

It's time for plan B.

What happened to plan A?

Plan A was a quiet, tactical

removal of the threat.

Zamik outnumbers us, and there

is no clear path to success.

Plan B is slash and burn.

When you say slash and

burn, what do you mean?

A military force fire

bombs the entire city

and leaves no traces

of its existence.

You can't just

erase an entire city.

They can, and they have.

Taured, Villa Epicun, Angikuni,

Ashley, Hoer Verde, Centralia.

I haven't heard of

any of these places.

Exactly.

You k*ll innocent people.

To save the world?

Yes.

So what happens to us?

The government

will relocate you

and cover your expenses for life

in exchange for your silence.

New place, new life--

it's a win-win scenario.

How is that a

win-win scenario?

Isn't there something

else we can do?

Zamik has already

taken over the law

enforcement in this town, and

he knows my covert tactics.

Luckily, he doesn't

know about plan B

because my partner

never knew about it.

It's over.

Leave and survive,

or stay and die.

That's not much of a choice.

Sometimes all we

have is one bad choice.

Luke?

No.

No, I'm not leaving

this town again.

This is my town.

I'm going to save it.

Let's go, Roy.

Yeah, let's kick

some slug a*s.

You can't face off against

an alien force like this

without a plan.

No, I have a plan.

And it's-- in this

case, it's salt.

Yeah, salt. Wait,

what's the plan?

You don't have any

tactics, and you don't

know how to draw them out.

No, no.

So basically, this is a

w*r of attrition scenario.

And this tiny town

will be destroyed

before it even gets that far.

Hold up.

Roy has ancient alien knowledge

uploaded into his brain

from Julie.

My mom can tell us everything

that she knows about Zamik.

That's what we've got.

Yeah.

I'd really rather not.

It's very uncomfortable.

Is it your butt?

Oh, don't-- yeah, it is.

I'm sorry you were

a*s-similated Miss Patty.

We really need to

double up on underwear.

Yeah.

We'll get underwear

from the fudge factory.

That'll keep us from

getting a*s-similated.

That's right.

Could you stop calling

attention to the fact

that the alien enters

through your an*s?

It's "Uranus."

That's not how you

pronounce the planet.

Wait, wait.

I'm not talking

about the planet.

I'm talking about the

Uranus Fudge Factory.

Exactly.

Listen, we need to get to

the fudge factory, right now.

They have salt!

Exactly.

Agent Vickers, we need your

help saving our town, please.

Please.

Please.

We can't do it without you.

[sighs] Let's go.

Yeah, we got it.

I'm--

All right.

[ominous music]

Where are humans?

Judy's Place.

[ominous music]

[siren wailing]

[music playing]

All right, let's go.

No, wait.

There's one more thing

that I have to tell you.

If anyone posts about this

alien invasion online,

the immediate destruction

of the town will be imminent

and there will be nothing

I can do about it.

Wait, just like that?

What about you and your partner?

- Yeah.

We knew the risks.

You have any heart to

go with the ice you're

carrying around in your chest?

Also, if NAPA HQ does not

hear from me by midnight,

they will assume the worst,

and the town's destruction

will still happen anyway.

Do you have anything positive

to add to this dilemma?

For real!

You're just, like, dog piling

everything on right now.

I don't think I do.

But how do we find Zamik?

Julie said after

he a*s-similates

a handful of people, he's going

to focus on mass production.

So--

Where do a bunch of people

gather on a Friday night?

Judy's place.

Mom, I'm going to need you

to go into Uranus kitchen

and start making this.

You'll find all the ingredients

right there in the factory.

- Where are you going?

- Excuse me.

I need to borrow this car.

- I'm coming with you.

You go to the kitchen

and help Miss Patty.

Do you want to run

that by me again?

Or you can choose

whatever you want to do.

Because strong, independent

women can choose where--

This car doesn't go

anywhere without me.

Well, I don't really

mind going to the kitchen.

Luke, you be careful, OK?

Roy, watch his back.

OK.

I love you.

I love you, too.

She wasn't talking to you.

She was talking to me.

- She was looking at both of us.

Dude-- I love you, too.

She looked at both of us.

She--

- She said "I love you" to me--

- She never would have said so.

- --and you.

- Dude, whatever.

She loves both of us.

OK, OK.

Where is Judy's Place?

[upbeat music]

Luke.

Luke.

Luke, what are we doing here?

I've got to save Diana

before Zamik shows up.

How?

Are you going to casually

ask her to leave town?

You think that would work?

No!

Think about it!

You can't tell her the truth.

Because if you

tell her the truth,

then she's going to

tell someone else,

and then they're going

to tell someone else,

and then everyone's

going to find out,

then everybody's going to die!

Dude, dude, I have

to try something.

I got to go.

I got to try.

No.

Hey!

Five minutes.

Midnight.

Midnight, man!

Where is he going?

He's thirsty.

Did we really come

here for a girl?

Hey, this might be

her last night on Earth.

He's seizing the moment.

This is a waste of time.

Love is never a waste of time.

Then why aren't you

running off declaring

your love to some girl?

I'm still looking for her.

OK.

Well, then hurry and find

her so that we can do this

and start saving the world.

Sorry.

When I say I'm still

looking for her,

I mean I am literally

still looking for her

because I haven't found--

I'm-- I'm alone in life.

This makes this easy then.

Wait, what?

What are you waiting for?

Right now?

I'm waiting.

[romantic music]

Oh, no.

No.

God, no.

- Oh.

- Not that.

- Oh.

- Luke.

Oh, god.

- Go get Luke.

- Luke.

Now!

Not this.

I thought-- I--

I misread that.

I'm sorry.

[chatter]

Hey, Diana.

Hey.

Hey, you made it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, wouldn't miss it.

Hey, Luke.

Hi, G-- ah--

Janice.

Janice.

Janice, I knew it.

Yeah, nice to meet you, Janice,

to see you again, Janice.

You look great.

- Thank you.

Have you been

here for a while?

No, we actually just got here.

Oh.

But where is Roy?

Janice is so

excited to meet him.

Yeah, mama's tired of

nursing this drink here.

That's-- that's

really great, Janice.

He seems like he might

still be good to drive.

I was just wondering,

do you, um--

do you, like, maybe

want to get out of here

and, like, I don't know,

go drive up to, like,

St. Louis or something tonight?

You want to drive two

hours to St. Louis tonight?

I think it'd be fun.

So a cute guy at the bar wants

girl to drive away with him

in the middle of the night?

Yeah.

No, that is the beginning

of a true crime podcast.

Yeah, OK, except

I'm not a creep, OK?

JANICE: [chuckles]

No, no, no.

I was thinking maybe

you could just drive up

there by yourself

without me, and I

can meet you up there later.

JANICE: Aw.

And I can buy

you a nice dinner--

JANICE: Yeah.

--or something tonight.

That's-- no, that's weird.

It's weird.

Not going.

Yeah, I'm not going

to St. Louis tonight.

Sorry.

Oh, OK.

Oh.

Woo!

Hey, Luke, we gotta

get out of here.

[arguing]

I'm trying, dude.

I'm trying.

Hey, Roy.

Hey.

Wow, you look great.

Thanks.

Yeah.

Wow, you look more great.

That's Roy?

Yeah.

I'm gonna need another drink.

- We gotta get out of here.

- I know.

I know.

- Right now.

Yeah.

No, I get it.

I, um, kind of just maybe want

to, like, get out of here.

This place is kind of

lame, don't you think?

Hey, I'm revoking

your loyalty privileges.

Gosh dang it!

Luke, you've lost our

loyalty privileges!

We may not have

loyalty privileges Roy.

Why is it not a good

place to be here tonight?

Um.

Are you going to

order something?

You're taking up real estate.

No.

No, no.

I'm good.

Good, thank you.

You can't stay here if you're

not going to order something.

OK.

Um.

OK, how about this?

My friend here will have a

rum and a Coke with a cherry.

Hold the rum, all right?

Yeah.

What's the matter?

You can't handle

your alcohol, shorty?

I'm fun-sized.

And what's with the cherry?

It's equally as fun.

Well, well, well, well.

Not now, Beau.

Well, well, well, well, well.

Luke made it after all.

Is that a cherry?

Oh, yeah.

He got a cherry in his drink.

Have you talked to Earl today?

Don't talk about my dad.

I think he's on something.

I don't know what.

I'm just a little scared that

he's going to come in here

and start one of

his classic fights.

And I think it would

be good for all of us

to just leave and

avoid it altogether.

And I don't want

anybody to get hurt.

He couldn't hurt

me if he tried.

We've all dealt

with one of Earl's

drunken fights or advances.

Everyone will be fine.

Yeah, it's not everyone

I'm worried about.

If you're so worried about

Earl, why don't you get lost?

Since that's what

you're good at.

Why don't I just

stay here and I'll show

you what else I'm good at?

[chuckles nervously]

Hey, Luke, we need to go.

No, no, no.

I think I'm gonna

stay right here, Roy.

No.

No.

No!

Carbonation--

carbonation kills.

Luke, let's go!

Wait, how about you go?

I'm sorry, you have to be this

tall to ride the man ride.

Am I right?

What is happening.

I mean, really, Diana?

This guy?

Will you stop it?

No, I have an idea.

I'll take Lukey boy.

You take Beau.

And let's get out of here.

DIANA: How many

drinks have you had?

JANICE: Not enough,

I'll tell you that.

ROY: Does she know

we can hear her?

LUKE: I don't know

that she knows that.

ROY: I don't understand

what's happening.

JANICE: Oh, jeez.

Are you ugly and stupid?

LUKE: Whoa.

Cute top.

Remember that cow

that attacked you?

Like, what?

Good one.

Roy.

It's funny.

You left me all alone.

I was getting so scared without

my strong, cuddly gummy bear.

Uh, I-- who?

[shushes] I just wanted

to make sure that no skank

nabbed my bearded

teddy, but I see

I have nothing to worry about.

[giggles softly]

What is this?

I love cherries.

Oh, you're so thoughtful, babe.

What is this?

This is, uh--

Valerie.

I'm this stud's date tonight.

Oh, and you are?

Janice.

Anice?

Janice.

J-a-nice.

Mm, I don't see it.

I just came into town tonight.

And I just saw this

sexy stump of a man.

And I just begged him to

show me around my an*s--

oh, [giggles] Uranus

tonight, right

after he gives me a foot massage

with those wide, blocky hands.

[romantic music]

Valerie's new.

Hey.

Oh.

I'm Beau.

Ew, your nails are dirty.

Roy, please show

me around Uranus.

I really want to see it.

But-- but--

Luke.

I'm sure that Luke understands

what's at stake here.

And he can send you a

text if anything happens.

OK?

We really gotta go.

Hmm?

Right, we gotta-- we gotta go.

We gotta go.

[giggles] Yay!

We gotta go.

Bye, Anice.

Your hair is so brave.

It's Janice!

AGENT VICKERS: Oh, sorry.

I didn't hear you.

Bye!

Oh, now I know what

that stands for-- burned.

Let's find a table.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Well, you can thank

me later if we survive

and avoid a*s-similation.

No, really, thank you.

I mean, not a lot of people

say nice things about me.

Roy, I barely know you.

Just because I said a

few nice things about you

doesn't mean this

is a love story.

I know it was pretend, but--

Uh, uh, uh.

No buts.

That girl needed an ego

check, and we gave her one.

Yeah, but square palms is an

odd characteristic to point out.

We need to go.

I'm just saying, I

think you look good too.

Don't stare at me while

I walk away, please.

Try not to walk

in front of me then.

Think you two can behave?

I can if he can, babe.

Anything for you.

So, why did you leave town?

Sorry.

Yeah, I went to college, and

then I got a job at a marketing

firm making commercials.

That must have

been really cool.

Yeah.

It's not tractor

rentals, but whatever.

OK.

So-- but then you

came back here?

I decided to go into

business for myself.

So I took out a loan

and I went to work.

Amazing.

So you became your own boss.

LUKE: Yeah.

That is hot.

Cheers.

I feel like there's

a "but" coming.

I got sued by my

old job for apparently

violating a non-compete clause.

I went bankrupt

because they sued me.

And I went deep into legal

fees and got choked out.

Oh.

I've been choked, too.

Just a little.

It could be fun.

[chatter]

Oh.

Hey, Roy.

Hey, Mr. Mayor.

Who's your friend?

Oh.

Uh, this is Valerie.

Roy told me that he

works at the coolest place.

And he wanted to show me around.

Roy says that

Uranus is pretty fun.

Hey, have you guys

seen Miss Tiffany?

I, um-- I don't know if

she called me earlier

and said something about some

sort of special packaging.

Special packaging?

It's some sort of

moisture-sealing technology.

It's supposed to keep the fudge

from Uranus from going dry.

Uranus fudge never dries out.

It's always soft and moist.

I know.

I thought it was odd.

But I did get her a

thousand boxes to test.

Zamik is using fudge boxes to

ship himself across the country.

Mr. Mayor.

Yes?

Would it be OK if Roy

showed me around Uranus?

[chuckles] A little late

night exploring of Uranus?

Yeah.

That's OK with me.

Oh, there's Miss Tiffany.

You guys go have some

fun exploring Uranus.

I got to talk to Miss

Tiffany before I head home.

Thank you.

MR. MAYOR: Yeah.

Mr. Mayor.

We've got to go.

But what if he

gets a*s-similated

We need to focus

and stick to the plan.

[groans] OK.

That really sucks.

Yeah, it did a lot.

You look like the

type of guy that that

would happen to, though.

Thank you, Beau.

And you look like

the type of guy

that I would never, ever hire.

Oh, yeah.

I see it.

You can't hire the guy

who's already at the top.

Cheers to nobody but Beau.

[laughs]

He's just so funny.

Miss Tiffany, where are you?

I've got your boxes.

Where are ya?

Oh.

Oh, there you are.

Tiffany, what are

you doing back here?

[ominous music]

What the--

[slug screeches]

Oh, my god!

Miss Patty, what

have you been doing?

You're supposed to be

making the salty ba*ls.

I'm sorry.

It just took me a little

while to find everything.

So-- many hands make light work.

So let's-- help me.

Yeah.

OK, let's go.

MISS PATTY: How do

we do this again?

Oh, it's really easy.

You just take some flour,

throw some brown sugar in.

And then get the eggs.

And boom, salty ba*ls.

[chuckles softly]

Can we please call

it something else?

No, just call it what it

is, salty caramel ba*ls.

Oh.

No, no, no, no, no.

If Zamik smells or

hears anything salty,

he's not going to eat it.

That's a good point.

We should think of different

names for it, then.

What about Uranus caviar?

Ew!

Uranus caviar?

There is a line in Uranus,

and you just crossed it.

Sorry.

No, I'm just kidding.

I love it.

What else you got?

Savory sacks.

Dingleberries.

MISS PATTY: Ooh!

Oh, buttery ba*ls.

They go down so smooth.

Butter ba*ls.

Are you OK?

You look nervous.

I haven't really told

anybody else that story

except for my mom and Roy.

It's probably why

I'm a little on edge.

You need a drink.

I--

Just take it.

You're stressing me out.

Oh, that is straight up vodka.

Let me try that.

Oh!

Ah!

[burps] That's vodka.

You know, I

started a business.

Wait, you did?

Yeah.

So I totally understand

that financial pressure.

You know, like,

starting out small

and then building up from

there, it can be really scary.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Wow.

Well, how much

money are you making?

Um.

It's 10 a month.

No.

Oh, $10 a month.

That's so sweet.

It's $10,000 a

month, Beau. $10,000!

If you're making

$10,000 a month,

how come I'm always buying

the chips and the drinks?

Because you offer.

What are you selling?

Wait, let me guess.

It's pictures of

your feet, isn't it?

Come on.

I'm sure Diana doesn't

sell pictures of her feet.

I mean, yeah.

That's part of it.

I knew it.

I knew it.

No, no, no.

But like, it's-- I sell socks.

So it's pictures of my feet,

but they're inside of the socks.

So it's not weird.

There's no toes.

Like, not even one.

I'm so proud of you.

It's really cool.

Cheers to that, babe.

I've always wondered

why you steal my truck

to go ship all those boxes.

Yeah, shipping is a pain.

[ominous music]

Speaking of pain, Earl's here.

[ominous music]

Meow.

Oh, good.

Earl and the sheriff

and the deputy are here.

That's really good

because they're here,

and there's no need

to worry, and they

don't have any evil plans.

I've got to use the bathroom.

When you got to

go, you gotta go.

[chatter]

Usual tonight, Earl?

Whiskey.

[ominous music]

More.

[ominous music]

Another.

[ominous music]

More.

Now, Earl, listen.

Take it slow tonight, OK?

How about you finish

the one right there,

and then I'll pour

you another one?

Pour.

[ominous music]

Hey, Earl.

Maybe you go home early tonight.

You don't look too good.

And did something happen

between you and Luke?

You've got him

scared like you're

about to do something stupid.

I'm not scared of you.

You will be.

[dramatic music]

[phone ringing]

Oh, hold on.

[phone ringing]

Whoa, it's Luke.

Hey, Luke.

Is that my Lukey?

Roy.

Roy.

Roy, he's here.

Hey, Lukey.

Shh.

Zamik's here.

Yeah, we're almost ready.

Hurry.

He's not going to

wait here all night.

I'm hurrying.

Jeez!

I-- Hi, Sheriff.

[ominous music]

Hey, really quick question.

You don't happen to

have an alien slug

in you named Zamik, do you?

We are Zamik.

I was afraid you'd say that.

[slug screeches]

[grunting, groaning]

[grunting, groaning]

Sheriff!

Sheriff!

Sheriff, I'm sorry.

Oh, god!

Oh, god!

Oh!

Oh!

[squirt]

Sheriff?

Sheriff?

Sheriff?

- Ah!

- Sheriff.

Oh.

I just-- I just had

the weirdest dream.

Oh, man.

Oh.

Oh, my god.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, it's sticky.

Oh.

[struggling] You dumb slug.

[struggling]

[stomping]

You dumb slug!

Slug!

[struggling]

Oh.

Ah.

Thank you.

No problem.

Good day.

No, no, no.

Don't go out that door.

Those folks are using

alcohol to rapidly reproduce.

Everybody in that

room is a goner.

[jarring music]

Fudge!

Roy, we're going to

need more salty ba*ls.

How many more?

Like, a lot more.

Like, a whole bar's worth.

We don't have enough

for an entire bar's worth.

I don't know what to do.

We tried.

It's time to move to plan B.

Just wait.

It can still work.

If Zamik feels

threatened, he's

going to retreat from the host

and he's going to crystallize.

And he's indestructible

at that state.

Well, then what do we do?

There's another way.

We don't have to

stop all of 'em.

We just have to stop Earl.

When the Orcinians

were fighting him,

they realized that they didn't

have to fight all the spawn.

They just had to stop Zamik.

And when Zamik got

launched out of his host,

then everyone else followed.

You're waiting until

now to tell us this?

I have, like, a thousand years

of alien culture and anatomy

bouncing around in my brain, OK?

It's hard to recall

every helpful detail!

Just bring all

of it that you can,

because I can't fight Zamik

and get close enough to him

with just a salt shaker.

You were supposed to be

watching out for each other.

I'm sorry, Miss

Patty, but you're

going to have to stay here.

The hell I am.

No, Roy's right.

If you're captured,

Zamik can use you

to emotionally manipulate Luke.

The best thing you

can do is just wait.

Or get out of town

before things get--

No, before nothing.

This plan will work.

Uranus will not be

destroyed tonight.

Let's do this then.

[clattering]

What was that?

It came from the

sideshow museum.

[clattering]

Come on.

Come on.

No, Miss Patty.

AGENT VICKERS: Roy!

You stay.

[romantic music]

I'm not ready to be Luke's dad.

What is this place?

It's the magical, freaky

side of Uranus, literally.

[shudders]

[ominous music]

Oh, fudge.

[neck cracks]

Welcome to Uranus.

What are we going to do?

You know what?

I got this.

Hold my salty ba*ls.

[music playing]

Oh.

Oh.

Sorry, Johnson.

Good ball handling.

Thanks.

Nice throw.

We gotta help Luke.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

Oh.

Oh, man, we're

sitting ducks in here.

All right, all right, all right.

Let's make a dash for the door.

We can do it.

We can escape.

No.

We can go to someplace like

Mexico before those critters

take over the world.

Sheriff, we're going to

wait here till Roy comes,

and then we're going

to fight Zamik.

What?

We're going to rely on Roy?

- Yeah.

- Magic Roy?

Yeah.

Like, the cow that

chased him and he

pissed his pants, that Roy?

Sheriff, that was

back in junior high.

And we both know

that cow was insane.

Listen, You think some

sort of parasitic alien

is going to go easy on

him instead of a cow

that beat him with its udders?

Hey, it didn't beat

him with his udders.

It just looked like that because

he was in the fetal position.

I'm getting out of here.

No, Sheriff.

No.

- I'm getting out of here.

- No, you're not.

I can't do this!

I can't do this!

Yes, you can.

Listen to me.

They probe your every thought,

strip your every desire.

You don't know who you are.

I didn't know who I was.

Man, it was so hazy.

I know it was horrible--

You-- no.

It didn't happen to you.

You're helpless when

they get a hold of you.

It's like you're in some sort

of hellish nightmare where

you can't distinguish

between what's-- what's fake

and what's real.

[screams]

OK, they're right there.

Let's get 'em, OK?

All right, we got this.

Oh.

Oh, no!

I can't breathe.

I can't breathe.

I need to get out of here.

- No, no, no.

- I--

No, no, no.

Listen, if you go

out there, Zamik

is going to assimilate

you and read your thoughts

and know that Roy is coming.

And that will be

the end of Earth.

We will be dead.

Is that what you want?

Screw them!

I'm out of here!

LUKE: Sheriff!

[shouting, clamoring]

Hey, Deputy.

Hey, big boy.

[chuckles nervously] I'm--

I want to-- oh.

Listen to me, man.

That's an order!

Let go of me.

Let go of me!

Oh!

Oh, god!

No!

Sheriff-- Joe, seriously.

Come on, guys.

Come on.

No.

No!

No!

Sheriff!

No!

I'm going to tell my

mom on you, Sheriff!

Oh, she's disappointed!

No!

Ah!

Argh.

[ominous music]

You're a curious species.

You're not going to get

away with this, Zamik.

Roy is going to stop you.

This Roy?

F!

Fu--

What happened to the plan?

It can still work.

Roy, an irritating

noise fittingly assigned

to an insignificant smear.

Don't listen to him, Roy.

Oh, my gosh.

That was dark.

[shrieks]

No!

No!

Ah, f*ck!

It's up to you now!

Stop him!

Luke, before Zamik

tries to break our minds,

remember that I am

your best friend.

I'm your best friend!

Roy!

ROY: I'm your best friend!

[dramatic music]

You know they're just going

to b*mb the city, right?

It's almost midnight.

The threat has

been eliminated.

Returning to base

with assets in hand.

You failed again.

You really thought salty

ba*ls would get me.

[chortles]

What's so funny?

[laughs] Salty ba*ls.

[chuckles] Salty ba*ls.

Salty ba*ls?

[laughs] You can hear it, right?

Get your salty ba*ls in Uranus.

[laughs] Welcome, and thank

you for picking Uranus.

How can I help you pack

your fudge, tighten the box,

or loosen a bag?

[laughs] Oh, my god.

[laughs] Welcome to

Uranus, motherfudger.

[stomach churning]

[screaming, shouting]

[music playing]

Roy?

Roy!

Roy!

Roy!

Roy!

[mumbles]

Hey, hey, hey.

It's OK.

It's OK.

Did-- did we win?

Dude, we won.

We won?

- Yeah, we won, dude.

- We won?

Yeah!

We won!

- [chuckles]

- Wait.

- We wo--

- Wait.

No.

No, we didn't win.

We still have a big problem.

When everyone else

wakes up, they're

going to remember that they

were a*s-similated by Zamik.

The town's still doomed!

I have an idea.

You better hope this works.

It'll work.

It'll work.

OK.

Uh, people of Uranus.

Wake up.

LUKE: Hey!

AGENT VICKERS: Wake up.

ROY: Whoa, whoa.

LUKE: h*!

h*!

h*!

AGENT VICKERS: Wake up!

ROY: Yeah.

AGENT VICKERS: Yes.

ROY: Hope everyone's OK in here.

LUKE: You all right?

That was crazy what happened.

Yikes.

Wow.

Why does my butt hurt?

Ah.

Mine feels fine.

Hm.

I'm sure that you all are

feeling a little bit confused.

MAN: Yeah.

But, uh, there has been

a gas leak that caused

everyone here to pass out.

Did I poop myself?

If it weren't for the very

heroic actions of Luke and Roy

here and them calling

the utility company,

this would have been

a terrible tragedy.

Bad.

Yeah, real bad.

However, the gas

leak has been fixed.

And you are all free to

go on and live your life

without any further

consideration

of any of the events that

transpired this evening.

Yeah, don't think

about it at all.

Just forget everything.

Yes.

Wait, wait, wait.

Slugs.

Alien slugs.

Earl!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Where is he?

Where's Zamik?

It's OK, Sheriff.

What you are

currently experiencing

is called folie groupe.

WOMAN: What?

It is a

psychosomatic condition

that causes one strong

personality's delusion to be

shared by others around them.

When the gas leak

happened, Luke and Roy

overheard Earl talking about

an alien slug named Zamik

that was living inside him.

That's crazy, right?

Aliens don't live inside people.

Right.

And so the gas leak simply

caused you all to share

Earl's delusion as your own.

- Mm.

- Mm-hmm.

Yep.

- Yeah.

- That was it.

I need a mo-- all that power,

we were going to rule the world.

Sheriff.

EARL: The world!

He's crazy.

Would you and your deputy mind

helping Earl out to my vehicle?

It's just outside.

- Yeah.

We're going to get

you some help, Earl.

It's OK.

It's OK.

He's crazy.

I mean, he's just crazy.

DEPUTY: I just--

Something's not right here.

You know what?

You're absolutely

right, Sheriff.

A gas leak is a very

serious health violation.

There should be

an investigation.

Agreed.

[arguing]

DEPUTY: Come on, Earl!

EARL: The car is running!

Jump in!

I'm still here, man!

DEPUTY: Go on.

EARL: Where are you?

Somebody stop them.

Um.

Oh, no.

To apologize for this

oversight in public safety,

you will all be

receiving a check

in the mail to alleviate any

distress that this event may

have caused you.

Money.

Money, yeah.

That solves everything, right?

Yeah.

However, we do need all

of you to vacate Judy's

Place as soon as possible.

And to receive your

check in the mail,

you must not share any

of this on social media.

Not at all.

All right, everyone, let's go.

Let's get out of here.

You don't have to go home,

but you can't stay here.

Tonight was weird.

Yeah.

Probably something to

do with that gas leak.

Yeah.

Yeah, that was a-- that

was a crazy hallucination.

It was all a hallucination.

Yeah.

Hey, Luke, I'm--

I'm sorry for being

such a butt slug.

Oh, that was so weird.

And I don't know if it's

the gas talking or the fudge

in my pants, but I hope

we can move past this

and you forgive me.

Yeah, man.

Sure.

Yeah, all is forgiven.

That's good.

That's good.

Uh, and I just need you to

forget what you're about to see.

There's so much in there.

Soldier on, dude.

Um.

I should probably get home, too.

But, uh, call me soon.

I just need to shower this

night off a few times.

Yeah, totally understandable.

And, uh, definitely will.

- OK.

All right.

Yeah, cool.

Roy, you saved everyone.

Well, yeah.

Yeah, I did.

I saved everyone.

You hunk of a man.

You saved me.

Well, no.

It was everyone.

I sa-- I saved

everyone, everyone.

Oh.

Well.

Meow.

You know what?

I think-- I think this

night has gotten to you.

And you should go home and--

and think about yourself--

Yes.

--a little bit.

OK, OK.

Reevaluate your life.

I will go home and think

about you all night long.

Don't do that.

I-- that's not what I said.

I don't like this.

Cleanup crew is on their way.

What?

What?

Don't worry.

It's not the slash

and burn crew.

[exhales sharply]

Oh.

I cannot believe that

lie actually worked.

Yeah.

I feel like we're

forgetting something, though.

The mayor!

[gasps]

Fudge!

I guess we're going.

You won't believe this

crazy dream we just had.

[music playing]

Hey, everybody.

I know it's been a crazy,

crazy week in Uranus.

But I want to congratulate and

thank all of you for helping

me make Uranus great again!

Yeah!

Yeah!

[cheering]

I do have a little

bit of sad news.

We're going to have to be saying

goodbye to our beloved Luke.

Oh.

He's on to his next big

adventure, selling pictures

of his girlfriend's feet.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

We're selling socks.

Socks.

We're selling socks.

And sales in Uranus are up--

[cheering]

--thanks to Miss Tiffany's

great new packaging

idea that keeps the

fudge in Uranus fresh,

and more importantly--

[shouting]

ALL: Welcome to Uranus!

--moist.

Give it up for Miss Tiffany!

[cheering]

Woo, woo, woo, woo!

It came to me in a dream.

Lastly, as your handsome

and very humble mayor,

I cannot in good faith deprive

any of our citizens or any

of you that one thing

that you all hold

so deep and dear in your heart.

So I'm going to

stay on as mayor.

And I'm going to be

in Uranus forever!

[cheering]

Welcome to Uranus.

ALL: Welcome to Uranus.

[phone chimes]

I'll be right back.

OK.

Just one second.

Ooh, hey.

Hey.

Dude, look at this.

Nice suit.

Is this the new you?

Turns out having

a brain filled

with alien knowledge

of weaponry and tactics

is really valuable

to the government.

Sorry, just one second.

Get away from the car!

Bad kitty!

That's a bad kitty!

What about Zamik?

We couldn't destroy his shell.

So we put it in a

case and boxed it

up and sent it to some warehouse

in Area 51 and-- oh, my gosh.

I was not supposed

to tell you that.

- Dude, it's OK.

- Don't-- shh.

Don't tell anyone.

I promise, I won't.

I won't say anything.

That-- no.

- It's OK.

- Seriously.

It's OK.

Remember the fire

squad that was going to--

I know.

I remember it.

It's the same thing.

I get it, dude.

I get it.

- OK.

- I get it.

We're good.

We're good.

I'm not doing great

on my first day.

You're like the

new man in black.

Yeah, I guess I am.

Uh.

Yeah, I thought black

was a little strong.

Because when I think of

black, I think of funerals.

And when I think of

funerals, I think of death.

And when I think

about death, I think

of the death of our friendship.

And--

Hey.

--I feel like I'm

losing my best friend.

Hey, Roy.

Roy, Roy, Roy.

It's OK.

You don't want to see Agent

Vickers seeing you cry, do you?

No, no, no.

Yeah.

Good.

No, no.

Woo.

Yeah, I'm good.

Yeah.

I'm good.

Yeah.

OK.

I'm going to miss you, Roy.

Really?

Yeah.

You were always there

for me when I came back.

And I never told you how

much that meant to me.

Even when I was

whining and complaining

about literally

everything, and you helped

me see the positive things.

I mean, you helped me see

good things about this place.

Yeah, you complained a lot.

Yeah.

Yeah, I did.

Like, a lot, a lot.

Yeah.

Like, way more

than a grown man

should complain about anything.

Roy, Roy, I get it.

Sorry, yeah.

I get it.

When am I going to

see my best friend?

I'm your best friend?

Roy, you've always

been my best friend.

Whoa, OK.

OK.

Well, I, uh--

I better, uh-- I

better get going now.

Yep.

I'll save up

some vacation days.

And make sure to

play in your an*s.

Thanks for picking your an*s.

Be sure to send me

some fudge from Uranus.

Woo!

I'll be sure to personally

pack some fudge from Uranus.

Hey, Agent Vickers, let's go!

We got stuff to

do, people to save!

Cat!

[inaudible]

No.

Bad kitty!

Bad kitty!

So, are you going

to miss working here?

You know what?

I am.

But I'm really excited

for the next adventure.

[ominous music]

[growling]

["uranus attacks theme" playing]

(SINGING) Uranus attacks

Uranus attacks your crack

Uranus attacks

Slug attack

It came from space

Now it's in your private place

The salty ba*ls make you ahhh

Uranus attacks

Uranus attacks

[dixxie man, "front butt"] Bet

you never seen a body like this

Put them boys in a stupor

with my super duper fupa

Frumpa

Two sets of a*s cheeks

Fellas want to get

with my jigga jiggly

Pushing this boy

Can you handle, handle me?

See that booty in the back

Think you're going

to get a snack?

Want to chomp down on

this double a*s crack

Didn't know this was

a two-for-one deal

See the front?

Now you got a whole meal

Now watch me strut

with my front butt

Watch me jiggle

Watch me shake

Work the pavement like a runway

Strut with my front butt

Watch me jiggle

Watch me shake

Work the pavement like a

runway, runway, runway, runway

[ominous music]