03x08 - Four-and-a-Half Vulcans

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

Previously on Star Trek:
Strange New Worlds...

Let it go, Beto. You can hang with me.

- That seems like a plan to me.
- [LAUGHS]

- What's happened to me?
- Whoever did this

seems to have made you human.

CHAPEL: Listen to me.
We can't change him back.

- But we already know who can.
- Kerkhovians.

The Judge Advocate General
is looking into the case.

JAVAS: Vice Admiral Pasalk.

Relationships can be difficult.

I feel things differently, bigger.

CHAPEL: I am glad to see you

and Lieutenant Noonien-Singh
spending more time together.

SPOCK: She is an
excellent dance instructor.

That, too.

UNA: First officer's
log, stardate 3111.1.

Enterprise is heading
to the Purmantee system.

Our destination? Purmantee III.

A well-known vacation spot,
where the crew will be given

three days of much-needed shore leave.

I, however, plan to work.

You're staying on the ship, why?

To do my job.

You of all people know how I like

to get work done when it's quiet.

And yet, last month you
said you needed a vacation.

I never said that.

Port Galley. Greerian c*ck.

- You had three.
- No, I didn't.

- I had five.
- What changed?

You avoiding something on Purmantee III?

Or someone?

I didn't... That wasn't...

I'm not...

No one is someone there.

Is this seat taken?

- Of course, you can...
- Can't.

You can't sit.

Lieutenant Commander Chin-Riley
and I are... debriefing.

Debriefing.

- Well...
- Yes.

Because we need to eat.
But also to debrief.

It's an eating and
debriefing kind of thing.

It is not sufficiently private
for a standard debriefing.

- You're right.
- Are you questioning your commander?

I will sit elsewhere.

What is going on with you two?

I don't know. It's... [SIGHS]

We're casual, but we're dating, and I...

and we promised we
wouldn't make things weird.

But I just made it so weird.

Yes, you did. Why?

Why aren't you taking shore leave?

[GRUNTING]

Oh! Gah!

Did I cheat on you in
a dream or something?

Oh, come on. I was mad
at you for two minutes

one time, get over it.

Dr. M'Benga seems to think
that I'm medically stable.

Despite my superior punching ability.

Yeah, well, if you're
that strong, I'd say

we should hit the Northern
Territory on Purmantee III.

- No camping.
- I can camp.

You can stay in the lovely,
peaceful hotel nearby.

Uh-huh. Vice Admiral Pasalk
is going to be on-planet.

Your old boss. I don't like that guy.

You don't like that guy.
Why do we care he's nearby?

Chris, come on, he's difficult.
And we don't always agree.

But he's good at his job. And I am, too.

You want to go back to work.

They're not gonna let
me captain a ship yet,

but I can return to court.

I just need to convince Pasalk.

And how you gonna do that?

Dinner, here.

- This is where I could use your help.
- Okay.

UHURA [OVER COMMS]: Captain Pike,

we've just received a critical message,

from the Vulcans.

SPOCK: The Vulcan High
Command has reached out to us

about a situation on
the planet of Tezaar.

A planet with... complications for us.

The Tezaarians are not yet
members of the Federation.

They, in fact, do not
yet have warp technology.

Which puts us on the other
side of the Prime Directive.

Starfleet cannot help them directly,

as the Tezaarians are not
yet aware of our existence.

That is not, however,
true of the Vulcans.

The Vulcans have relations with them?

Isn't that also against
the Prime Directive?

It is. And it is not.

PIKE: You're usually a little bit

more descriptive in
your descriptions, Spock.

One hundred percent true.

Up top!

You do know what this is, yes?

[LAUGHS]

The Vulcans made contact
with the Tezaarians

before the founding of the Federation.

Prime loophole. [CHUCKLES]

But the Vulcans were the engineers

of pre-warp prohibitions.

- Why would they do that?
- Several hundred years ago

the Vulcans rescued Tezaar

from annihilation due
to planetary collapse.

They provided them with technology

to sustain themselves,

including a nuclear-based method
of powering their entire world.

The energy system needs to be fixed.

Or it will overload,

a planetwide nuclear meltdown.

Why don't the Vulcans just fix it?

They are too far away.

By the time any of
them reach the planet,

it would be too late.

I'm guessing we're the only ones

close enough to save them.

You would be correct.

But to do so without violating
the Prime Directive...

We have to appear Vulcan.

It is slightly more
complicated than that, Captain.

Although pre-warp,
their scanning technology

is very advanced.

Any superficial disguise
would be instantly detected.

So you're saying...

We have to become Vulcan.

Indeed.

I was able to jury-rig
the Kerkhovian serum

that turned human Spock
back into a Vulcan.

Should be able to do the
same for us, only in reverse.

- [HISSES]
- SPOCK: The sensory change

is brief, the feeling is instantaneous.

I will guide you through the sensation

until you are acclimated,
which should not take long.

Physical adjustments follow soon after.

I would suggest a deep breath.

By the time you reach
three, it should be over.

- One, two...
- [HISSES]

... three.

[MOANS]

[ALL GRUNTING]

[LA'AN WAILING]

My emotions feel...

Overwhelming!

Oh, I cannot handle...

This is too much.

[GROANING CONTINUES]

You don't feel anything?

Nope. And to be honest,
I'm a little jealous.

That looked like fun.

[WAILING AND GROANING CONTINUE]

[GASPS]

This feeling is unusual.

My perception has increased.

Everything I once found
dull now seems to be...

Fascinating.

Oh, poop. [GRUNTS]

I wonder if the serum
did not work on you

because you're Lanthanite.

Honestly, I had the
same problem with LSD

in the 1960s

and the 1990s

and last July.

- Hmm.
- SPOCK: Since Pelia

cannot become Vulcan, I can
cover her part of the mission.

And I suppose I can
direct you from the bridge.

Five Vulcans should be
more than enough down there.

Four and one half.

CHAPEL: Spock is only half-Vulcan.

Whereas the four of us...

Are fully Vulcan.

Is that not logical, Spock?

Indeed. It is.

["RECKLESS YOUTH" BY THE HOME
OF HAPPY, WAYNE MURRAY PLAYING]

♪ ♪

♪ Come on, come on ♪

♪ Come on, come on ♪

♪ One, two, three, ah ♪

♪ Ha, ha, ha ♪

[PHASER WHIRRING]

♪ One, two, three, ah. ♪

Wow.

Your ears are so pointy.

Number One, four-and-one-half
Vulcans to beam down.

Energize.

Status report. Mitchell?

- They've entered the structure.
- That was fast.

LA'AN [OVER COMMS]: All areas
inside the structure are secured.

This will likely take a few hours.

There's a very complex...

Radiation normal.

What? Already?

SPOCK: Enterprise, the
energy system is now repaired.

All atomic levels are nominal.

The energy source is
functioning perfectly.

You sound upset.

Well, yeah.

They're making me look bad.

PIKE: We have completed the mission.

You may return us to Enterprise.

Hmm. Thought this would
be a bit more exciting,

but whatever.

Hello, shore leave.

They haven't even broken into a sweat.

M'BENGA: Welcome back.

I believe we will still be
able to reach Purmantee III

within expected travel parameters.

I am almost disappointed
not to be able to take

further advantage of my
temporary Vulcan abilities.

Agreed. My communication style

has never been so efficient.

How was the mission for you, Mr. Spock?

Ironic, as I was constantly reminded

that I was, logically, the
least Vulcan member present.

Don't worry. That's about to change.

Any second now.

[TRICORDER TRILLING]

CHAPEL: Hmm.

Nurse Chapel, what was
that subvocalization?

What do you see?

CHAPEL: For reasons unknown,

the Kerkhovian serum does
not appear to be working.

It appears that we will
remain Vulcans indefinitely.

PIKE: Space.

The final frontier.

These are the voyages of
the starshipEnterprise.

Its five-year mission:

To explore strange new worlds...

to seek out new life

and new civilizations,

to boldly go where no
one has gone before.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

UNA: First officer's log, supplemental.

While our mission to
Tezaar was a success,

the Kerkhovian cure has
proved more... complicated.

Because they derived the serum

from Spock's perceived experiences,

it has left our crew in
a kind of logical state

that normally takes Vulcans
years to develop socially.

So, we don't honestly
know how to reverse this.

I will need some time to
reexamine the Kerkhovian serum.

Nurse Chapel now has unique abilities

she did not have before,

which will help her
greatly with her work.

CHAPEL: The science behind
the serum is complex.

As a human, it is
likely I made an error.

As a Vulcan, I have a higher
probability of success.

It is one thing to be
both Vulcan and human,

but your new state will bring
new struggles to you all.

Perhaps it is better if we
remain confined to quarters.

I do not believe that
is a logical assessment.

We have already been
determined as mission-capable.

Surely, dealing with
our own personal lives

during shore leave is
well within our abilities?

CHAPEL: Even prior to this change,

I was the person best assessed

to deal with our transformation back.

Is that not logical?

It is technically logical.

Dr. M'Benga, what is your
assessment of the situation?

Maybe it's better they stay on the ship

- for the time being.
- Yes.

Just in case.

For your safety.

BETO: Wow.

[LAUGHS SOFTLY]

- You look so...
- Vulcan?

Because I am Vulcan now.

Yeah, I can see that.

Thank you for organizing my trip.

I'm sorry I wasn't able
to schedule it earlier.

I recognized that you were incapable

of organizing it for yourself.

That is why I made sure your
travel was taken care of.

[LAUGHS SOFTLY]

- Uh, t-thank you, again.
- But then I realized,

perhaps you did not
make any arrangements

because you do not wish for us

- to get to know each other better.
- Oh, no, I do,

it's just, you know,
after the documentary,

I got so busy with editing and...

When last we saw each other,

you inquired if I would
be interested in a date.

I answered in the affirmative, and yet,

- you did not make any preparations.
- Right,

I'm sorry, I just... I just
thought we could wing it.

It is not ideal to "wing" a first date.

Their entire purpose is to determine

the likely success of a relationship.

Oh, I think we... I think
we have great potential.

Then we should discuss
the genuine problem

at the center of our
potential relationship.

Problem? We-we have a problem?

Can we fix it?

You are willing to make
the necessary adjustments?

Yeah, of course, if
it'll make you happier.

Excellent. Follow me.

Now? Yeah.

Wait. Nyota. Just... Nyota.

[WHIRRING]

SCOTTY: Lieutenant Kirk.

Very good to see you again, sir.

KIRK: "Sir"? Scotty, come on.

How about just "Jim"?

Okay, uh, Jim? [LAUGHS SOFTLY]

I think we're on a first-name basis

after you saved my a*s the
last time we saw each other.

[MUTTERS] So, what
brings you to Enterprise?

Oh, Farragut'snearby, being repaired.

We're still short a nacelle.

- Sorry about that.
- Anyway, I figured I'd pop up

and try to get my
brother into some trouble.

Uh, Sam has, I'm afraid, already left.

He went down to the planet
to do some solo hiking.

Oh. That's all right.

I have other friends on
this ship. How about you?

You want to join me for a drink?

Me? Uh...

[HIGH-PITCHED]: Uh, yeah, sure. Uh...

[REGULAR PITCH]: Sounds cool, yeah.

Oh, and, um, let's invite La'An, too.

If she hasn't already...
[IMITATES BEAMING]

She's still technically
here, for the most part.

Uh...

[VACUUM WHIRRING]

What are you doing, exactly?
I already cleaned up.

Yes, and now I'm doing so thoroughly.

- [VACUUM STOPS]
- [SIGHS]

Now I perceive a concern about me.

I'm used to worrying about
Admiral Pasalk being too Vulcan,

not you.

And yet, you are far better prepared

to deal with Pasalk
than you were before.

As a Vulcan, I am uniquely able

to perceive any
potential issue with him.

Hence the double cleaning.

[RHYTHMIC SCRUBBING]

I am just adding an
attention to Vulcan detail.

As a Vulcan, I am more capable
of ensuring that the food,

the room we will eat in,

- even the feeling of the quarters...
- Oh!

... is more comfortable to Vulcans.

When I was a human,

I understood only a fraction
of Vulcan perception.

The room is far too cluttered,

the kitchen is insufficiently clean

and the smell in here
is far too... strong.

W-What, what smell?

Human smell.

Very unpleasant to Vulcans, believe me.

Better to remove them

than to try to get Pasalk
to tolerate the odor.

Does it really smell all that bad?

You cannot perceive it.

Just... be grateful.

[AIR HISSES]

[SNIFFS]

Nurse Chapel, may I speak to...

Stop. Eye protection.

[BEEPS]

Hmm.

That is related to the Kerkhovian serum

- you have been working on?
- That is over there.

This is one of five
additional experiments

I've been running at the same time.

Six total?

I thought it was only five.

Seven.

The one on gravitational
metrics is merely a side project.

Seems it might be taxing for you

to be doing so much
work at the same time.

Not in the least.

The Vulcan mind has fewer constraints

and does not require rest.

With the extra processing,

there is far more that I can get done.

Admittedly, there is
some genuine excitement

when you become lost in your work.

It is as if I finally understand

what your life has been like, Mr. Spock.

So much...

science.

It is a new world for me.

Indeed.

M'BENGA: All the same,

I wonder if it might be better
for you to slow down a little.

Doctor, I anticipate
only a few more hours

before the Kerkhovian
solution will be complete.

I must use my Vulcan abilities

to maximum advantage while I have them.

Go away. Now.

So, do you feel all that different?

I am considerably different.

Vulcan logic has
completely changed the way

that I perceive everything.

Well, how did you see it before?

It is curious.

I find it utterly fascinating

that there is so much
uncontested space out there.

Space that is wasted.

Space that is merely
there for the taking.

I mean, there is a lot of space.

Hence the name.

But should we actually take it?

- We must.
- Oh. Okay.

If we do not, who else will?

Someone we might have to
destroy if it came to it.

Destroy, you say?

Along those lines,

I have been examining the
weapons systems on the ship,

a crucial part of my job.

Now that I am Vulcan, I
am filled with questions.

What sort of questions?

The ones that would be
answered by you showing me

the ship's power supply
system on your PADD.

Oh, it-it's sort of full
of highly secure data,

not to be shared with anyone...

Except, you are technically my boss.

Uh... Here you go.

Hey, Scotty, let's grab some drinks.

La'An, you want one?

[PADD BEEPING]

Okay.

Um...

[SIGHS]

You know, I got to say, La'An's behavior

isn't really like any form
of Vulcan I've seen before.

- It's not?
- No, she seems aggressive,

manipulative,

like she wants to find
a way to take control.

I don't really know enough about
Vulcans to tell the difference.

I just figured La'An is
scary and that hasn't changed.

Should we be concerned
about her questions?

La'An may be intimidating,

but she'd never break
any rules, you know?

She just stole your PADD.

Uh... [SIGHS]

I should have seen that coming.

Then, can you help me find her?

Please? I-I can't let
people know I've lost that.

Thanks.

PIKE [OVER COMMS]:
Captain Pike to Number One.

Please bring the senior staff
to the ready room, immediately.

[SIGHS]

- [DOORS WHOOSH SHUT]
- UNA: Captain.

Where are the chairs?

PIKE: Chairs are inefficient.

This meeting will be brief.

[QUIETLY]: And loud.

May I ask what it is concerning?

I have repaired the Kerkhovian serum.

Ah. Good news.

- Kind of a relief.
- Indeed.

PIKE: However, Uhura, Chapel,

La'An and I have spoken about the matter

and we have come to a decision.

What decision?

Turning back into humans
would be illogical.

We have chosen to remain Vulcans.

Permanently.

♪ ♪

You're completely changing how we do

everything on the ship?

I am the captain.

That is my prerogative.

But instead of day and night,

you want us to change out



with officers altering rotation every...



Except for five specific intervals.

Did you even read the
instructions I sent?

As your first officer,

it's my job to advise you to not

completely change the
way we do things here.

Noted.

Yet I have made a logical choice.

- You have not.
- Should I even bother trying to argue with you?

You would lose. You are
dismissed, Number One.

BATEL: So we're safe to speak here?

Pelia's quarters have been
technologically modified

to avoid detection.

Scans have no idea what's inside here.

I like to live off-the-grid.

It's better no one know
what I do in my own time,

or with whom or what.

ORTEGAS: Pike is still captain.

He won't like us conspiring against him.

We are not conspiring.

We are... lightly plotting.

We need options.

Captain Pike may be a
Vulcan, but that should not

prohibit him from performing his duties.

Spock's right. There's nothing

physically or mentally
wrong with Pike or,

or any of them, and we
can't force a serum on them.

But they didn't sign up
to be permanent Vulcans.

Only temporary ones.

This is a fluke, right?

More like a "oopsie."

SPOCK: Unfortunately,
their logic is sound.

Any Vulcan would
believe that being Vulcan

is the most logical thing one can do.

So you agree with them?

On the contrary, they have
never expressed interest

in being Vulcan prior to this event,

therefore this current conclusion

goes against their own sense of self.

We assume. If only we could

speak to them without a Vulcan filter.

ORTEGAS: What if we did?

And they still wanted to stay Vulcan?

Then we honor that.

And accept the fact that
they're now permanently

Vulcan jerks.

No offense.

It is true.

Vulcans can be jerks.

M'BENGA: I believe what we're

discussing is connecting
to their katras.

They are still human at the core.

Yes, but it is a risky matter.

If one does it incorrectly,

it could result in a catastrophic...

I believe your word was

"oopsie."

Then I suggest we consider other methods

of persuasion first.

Mm-hmm.

PIKE: Lieutenant.

Is there a security issue

- in the Jefferies tube?
- Yes.

But soon the ship will be stronger,

more powerful, unstoppable.

You are not...

a typical Vulcan.

On a mission I am not
permitted to discuss,

I learned of a certain
element of Vulcan history

I am also not permitted to discuss.

Intriguing.

On a mission I am not
permitted to discuss,

I too learned of a certain
element of Vulcan history

that I also am not permitted

to discuss.

Perhaps if we speak
of it simultaneously.

BOTH: Romulans.

Is time travel

involved in your experience?

I am not permitted to discuss.

Then perhaps this is the
last we should speak of it.

Agreed.

ORTEGAS: Hi, favorite
people, Mitchell brought back

sandwiches from Purmantee

with the fries inside the sandwich?

I told her to save you
some, but she won't, so...

- [CLICKS TONGUE]
- BETO: We have a full day.

After our meditation,

we should clean your quarters.

Indeed, I will adjust.

We will still have time for
poetry, followed by vegan soup.

Does "vegan" mean something
different in Vulcan?

It does not.

Okay, 'cause I once watched
Beto house four cheeseburgers

in under two minutes,
and it was glorious.

Nyota has shown me that humans

don't require animal protein.

But bacon, come on.

I will fight you about that.

[LAUGHS]

I recognize your desire
for a sibling quarrel,

but I will not be engaging at this time.

I can schedule it for later.

While I am here, I am
focused on my time with Nyota.

What the hell was that?

KORBY: Wait a second,
you're, you're, you're,

you're breaking up with me?

- CHAPEL: Yes.
- SPOCK: What?

- I can come back.
- No need.

Dr. Korby and I are done here.

Christine, can-can, can
we talk about this, please?

Why? Our relationship is illogical.

The time I spend with
you is wasted on romance.

Both of us should be focused
on more important endeavors.

R-Romance is important.

For humans, perhaps.

- Goodbye, Roger.
- KORBY: Wait...

Wait, wait!

I am hoping to discuss your choice

- to remain Vulcan...
- I am also breaking up with you.

- You have already done that.
- Indeed.

And you and La'An are a
far more logical match.

I...

What does that mean?

Occasionally, two broken pieces
fit together in the right way.

Like the ancient Earth
practice of Kintsugi.

Regardless, what I am
terminating is our friendship.

I will be doing so with all
of my personal relationships.

Last week alone,

I spent 20 hours socializing.

That is almost as wasteful
as my 42 hours of sleep.

Both unacceptable.

So...

we are not friends anymore?

Goodbye.

[DOORS WHOOSH OPEN]

The ship has no read
on La'An's location.

She's managed to create a stealth code,

which I didn't even know was possible.

She could be anywhere...
in the Jefferies tubes,

in the walls, the vents.

She's a Vulcan.

- Not a poltergeist.
- [SIGHS]

Maybe she stole a shuttle.

Not yet.

[STAMMERS] Poltergeist!

I have been looking for you.

Really?

Doesn't seem like you've
been trying very hard.

Thank you, Lieutenant
Scott, this was very useful.

I have discovered that this
ship has a very serious problem.

Not enough weapons.

And the weapons we possess
are not deadly enough.

Do not worry.

I will fix that.

And you both are going to help me.

ORTEGAS: Hey!

What have you done to my brother?

Beto is taking a
post-meditation sonic shower.

"Shower"?

He hates showers.

Perhaps he is now willing
to accept new suggestions

- about his life.
- You did something to him.

A minor adjustment to fix
a flaw in our relationship.

Nyota, what did you do?

I used a simple mind meld

- to temper his impulses.
- "Mind meld"?

You brainwashed him
into a Vulcan lapdog?

He is not a lapdog.

A lapdog is more compliant.

Beto is who he has always
been, and he agreed to this.

Of course he did.

Making the people he cares about happy

is one of his best qualities.

And you took advantage of that.

I am confused.

I thought you would be pleased.

It is clear you find your
brother very annoying.

We are both annoying!

That's what makes us Ortegases.

We're a chaos family.

It's what you like about us.

At least it used to be.

You know, you may think

that this Vulcan Uhura is
smarter or whatever, but...

if she can't see what
makes my brother great,

then... she's an idiot.

[ORTEGAS SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

Any luck?

Christine is now too
busy to speak to me.

Or anyone.

Then Captain Pike told
me my half-human aroma

was compromising his cooking

and barred me from his quarters.

- And you heard about La'An.
- Yeah, I think

that one might become a problem.

Hers is a peculiar and
concerning evolution.

What Joseph said about their katras,

- is that true?
- Yes.

Altering the body does
not change the katra.

But I unfortunately do not know enough

to reach them effectively.

[SIGHS]

I know a katra expert.

A leading spiritualist on Vulcan.

And he lives pretty
close to Purmantee III.

That is exactly who we need.

Why did you not bring this up earlier?

Because...

he's my ex.

[GRUNTS]

These 42-minute shifts are k*lling me.

[GRUNTS]

[EXHALES]

SPOCK: I am pleased your ex

was willing to meet us
on such short notice.

If I may pry... is the
reason you did not want

to reach out to him that things ended...

- badly?
- Definitely not.

So then what is the problem?

Chemistry.

Too much of it.

So I have to warn you.

You're gonna see some things.

A side of me you haven't seen before.

[WHISPERS]: I need you to keep it

just between us.

What kind of things?

MALE VOICE: Una Chin-Riley?

Just go with it.

What a pleasure to receive your message.

It has been far too long.

Far, far too long.

Far, far, far too long.

I am Lieutenant Spock.

Right, Spock.

This is... Doug.

He's a genius artist

and a mathematician
and a wonderful gardener

and it doesn't matter.

Why am I even talking?

[CHUCKLES, SIGHS NERVOUSLY]

Please forgive me,

but Doug is an unusual
name for a Vulcan.

My parents were drawn to human names.

Perhaps you've come
across my sister, Susan.

She's an aide to the
First Minister of Vulcan.

Or my cousin Pete, who is...

a veterinarian. Please.

I must consume

everything that has happened to you

in the last 15 years.

Everything.

- I burn for it.
- [EXHALES]

I...

I got married.

To Spock.

Spock is my husband.

We got married and we're in love

and we got married and he has a lirpa.

A big lirpa.

♪

It was a really lovely wedding.

The entire Diavian choir sang.

The entire 700-seat choir?

Mm-hmm.

I thought it would be
too loud. I was incorrect.

Doug, we were hoping you might be able

to help us with a problem.

I have always had a
problem for you, Una.

I lose sleep, dreaming of you.

- Some of our crew have been transformed...
- We have two kids.

- Two?
- Two?

Yes. Two.

A boy and a girl.

They have different names.

Um...

Kalsive and Doug.

I mean Sarah.

Doug is her nickname.

Doug is also my name.

That is a coincidence.

If I may be honest, I
am happy for your bliss.

You and Spock and
Kalsive and Sarah/Doug.

But disappointed in my poor timing.

I had hoped that we might have

extended our visit.

Maybe I could get away for an afternoon.

[GASPS]

My apologies, dear.

I'll just go get some napkins.

- Let me help you.
- You will stay seated.

I shall assist... my wife.

[QUIETLY]: I am so sorry for
wrapping you up in all this.

It's why I didn't want to call him.

I'm a completely different
person around him.

- Perhaps I might talk to him alone.
- Okay.

I'll just watch from here.

You're right, I'm going.

PASALK: I must admit,

I did not expect that someone

with a human upbringing could master

the Vulcan culinary arts so completely.

I had always considered
myself an accomplished chef,

yet it was not until I
acquired my Vulcan palate

that I fully understood the
diabolical nature of salt.

PASALK: If it is not found
naturally within the food,

it serves no purpose.

BATEL: Speaking of serving, sir,

I would like to discuss

my return to the Starfleet
Judicial Department.

Marie, this is a time
for dining, not business.

She never was able to read a room.

How is your leek sorbet, Admiral?

Satisfactory.

But let us discuss the matter at hand.

I understand that you
have been on medical leave.

Do you feel that your
recovery has been adequate?

Yes. Absolutely.

- Without a doubt.
- She is overstating.

- Chris?
- Captain Batel's health is not 100%.

She may never make a full recovery.

But it is adequate enough to do my job.

Perhaps. But have you
considered your treatments?

You require a two-day recovery period.

Those days may conflict
with court cases.

[QUIETLY]: Chris, what are you doing?

I just want the admiral to
have an accurate picture.

She requires a strict
meditation schedule

to manage her, uh,

excess energies.

Additionally, her
treatments are experimental.

While it is understandable

that Marie desires to return to work,

you can see how it is not logical.

Listen up, ears.

You do not get to decide my fate.

I can't believe I'm standing here,

having to plead my case
to you, against him?

What's happening?

I am more than ready to return to work.

But honestly,

since we're all such big
fans of honesty in here,

I'm not sure I want to.

Because I have spent most
of my career sitting idly by,

while you make terrible decisions.

People are not algorithms, Admiral.

You think your logic
makes you impartial?

It doesn't.

You always favor Vulcans
above everyone else.

Like tonight.

You used to call Captain Pike

the "human with inappropriate hair."

But now, because he's a Vulcan,

suddenly he's your best friend.

Illogical!

And you.

Your sorbet sucks.

Now get out.

Both of you.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

You two are not wed, are you?

No. We are not.

Why the ruse?

We need your help.

Una wanted to ask you,
but when she is with you,

things become... difficult.

Una and I have

an effect on one another.

It is both wonderful and distracting.

On the other hand,

your ability to fully participate

in a lie the way you did?

It is extraordinary.

- Not insulting?
- What I would give

to be half the human you are.

All of my life I have studied humans.

Your music, your culture,
your savoir faire.

It is as the ancient
humans once called it,

"very cool."

If you can help us with
our understanding of katras,

I will gladly discuss humanity with you.

I am intrigued.

Seriously, I am very intrigued.

As a full Vulcan, I really cannot lie.

♪ ♪

I have worked with
Vulcans, served under them.

They're not super big on mutiny.

Doesn't she seem a
little extra manipulative?

I'll figure something out.
Just don't make her angry.

LA'AN: Mr. Kirk.

Please reconfigure the weapons codes.

Yeah. Sure thing.

Right after you tell me

what it is that we are doing.

Preparing us for the w*r.

Oh. And what w*r is that?

[SCOFFS]

The one weare going to start.

- Oh, dear.
- LA'AN: First,

we are going to reach
out to the Klingons

and convince them the Orions
are plotting to invade.

Then we tell the Orions...

Tholians are behind the plot.

But we tell the Tholians

that the real puppet masters
are the Gorn Hegemony.

- [KIRK SCOFFS]
- [MOUTHING]

Yeah. I'm, uh, not
gonna let you do that.

[GROANING]

Why is she so strong?

I told you not to make her angry.

She's always angry.

Ow!

Lieutenant, Lieutenant, I have
no intention of fighting you.

Then you are not as stupid as him.

Well, yeah.

But I also understand
that the La'An we know

would never do that.

She's one of the most noble
officers I've ever served with.

Yeah, she's scary,
but... she is not a bully.

She inspires people.

She inspires me.

If you will not help
me, I will k*ll you.

[SIGHS HEAVILY]

LA'AN: Now.

The warp core?

It's that button right there.

- No, Scotty, no...
- Just...

♪ ♪

[GASPS]

[YELPS]

Did you rig a booby trap?

Well, I don't want to make her angry.

UNA: First officer's
personal log, supplemental.

Doug helped give Spock
the answers we needed,

allowing him to connect
to our friends' katras.

Spock was able to show
them their true selves,

returning them human again.

All of them, except for one...

We were...

Awful. [SIGHS]

Are all Vulcans monsters?

- No offense.
- None taken.

Vulcans feel even more
deeply than humans.

Logic is all that protects us.

It is not an easy way to live.

I did not make good choices.

[MOUTHING]

I have to go talk to Marie

before she changes the
locks on my quarters.

I should go find Beto.

I should find...

everyone.

Perhaps you should get some sleep first.

Sleep first.

[SIGHS]

Three Vulcans down, one more to go.

She won't be easy.

♪ ♪

[WHALE SINGING]

[GASPS]

Spock, what's going on?

Everything looks...

strange.

SPOCK: We are in the katra
space of your own mind,

where you can see your true self.

The other Vulcans were able
to reconnect with their katras

and acknowledged who they actually are.

You, however, are resisting.

The others gave up being Vulcans?

That is so...

- stupid.
- Ah.

Being Vulcan affected you differently.

You are aggressive.
Paranoid. Suspicious.

Arrogant.

I believe it is part of your core.

You are part human,
but also part Augment.

- A relative of Khan Noonien-Singh.
- And you have

a wretched human half.

What is your point?

I am aware this is a unique situation.

And I am uniquely suited to help.

I don't need your help.

[GRUNTING]

This is not really you.

♪ ♪

You are shielding your
fear with aggression.

My fear of what?

[GRUNTING]

♪ ♪

Change me back.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

UHURA: I am very, very sorry.

Yeah, you said that, but
you still brainwashed me.

Technically, you agreed
to the brainwashing.

Look, I am the communications officer,

but sometimes I have trouble with the...

you know, the thing with...

- Communicating?
- Yes.

That. Uh...

I should have told you
what was bugging me.

But not so I could convince
you to be different.

I... Anyway,

thank you for coming.

I'm sorry I made everything so...

Mmm. [CHUCKLES]

The silver lining:

You made Erica nicer to
me than she's ever been

in my entire life.

Even when I was a baby.

So... so that's something.

- Can we start over?
- Sure.

You still have five more
hours of shore leave, right?

Want to make a night of it?

What did you have in mind?

[SNAPS FINGERS]

No idea.

Well, I guess we can...

wing it.

Oh! [LAUGHING]

[PLATE CLATTERS]

ENSIGN [OVER COMMS]:
Bridge to Captain Batel.

You have an incoming transmission.

PASALK: Captain, I will make this quick.

That would be merciful.

I was unsure until I saw you today

what would be most appropriate,

but your performance was convincing.

Understood. I will tender my
resignation in the morning.

Captain, I am retiring
at the end of this year,

and I would like you
to be my replacement

as the head of the Starfleet
Judicial Department.

Uh, what?

This position requires blunt honesty

and an unwavering drive.

When confronted this evening,

you confidently exhibited a clear vision

for the department.

I'm getting this because I told you off?

The promotion is yours if you want it,
Captain.

I expect your decision
by the end of the week.

Am I slightly forgiven now?

Hey, y-you're both early.

He was on time, I was early.

Come in.

Uh, make yourselves at home.

Can I give you a hand with something?

No.

- [LOUD BUBBLING]
- Oh.

Uh, soup. [CHUCKLES]

Um, I just... [SIGHS]

I wanted to apologize

- to both of you.
- Don't worry about it.

It's like it didn't even happen.

I also do not intend
to hold your actions

as a Vulcan against you.

Well, you'd both be justified.

Let's just say that I, uh,

I think I understand you
a little more now, Spock.

And my time as a Vulcan

made me realize the
perfect peace offering

is Plomeek soup.

Okay.

Mmm.

- It's hot.
- [CHUCKLES]

It is definitely hot.

This experience took
me back to childhood.

I have been left out
by Vulcans many times.

- They can be quite blunt.
- CHAPEL: Mm.

Even I have been.

I think I finally learned
to really appreciate

your Vulcan bluntness.

I am glad to hear you say that,

because your soup is unsatisfactory.

[SCOFFS]

Oh...

I'm so sorry.

It's okay.

I'm sorry I beat up James Kirk

and tried to take over the ship

and start a w*r.

Yeah, don't do that again.

Unless Kirk definitely deserves it.

[CHUCKLES]

As punishment, you have to tell me

why things are so weird
with you and Spock.

I found his socks in my quarters.

- Dirty socks?
- No, worse. Clean.

In a drawer.

Is that where we are now? Who we are?

Drawer people?

Relationships are... they
can really sneak up on you.

What would you say if I told you

that when I was a fresh lieutenant,

I once stole a shuttle

to rendezvous with someone
in the Skaideion system,

where we skinny-dipped in hot springs

and drank wine in the moonlight?

I'd say that's a surprise.

But then I'd say good for you.

Is that who you were
avoiding on Purmantee III?

We broke up, got back together.

Broke up again, got back together again.

I saw him tonight.

And?

♪ ♪

[LAUGHS]

Don't wait up.

You sure you don't
want to go to sickbay?

Yeah. I prefer the Scotch.

Well, I could get used to it.

Hey, maybe next time,

let me in on your plan ahead of time.

I wanted to, but you know,
the-the element of surprise.

You didn't have a plan,

- did you?
- I did not, no.

You know, Mr. Scott, we
make a pretty good team.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

There are presents and
cake at the same time?

Yes. Also candles.

And they do it every year.

Fascinating.

Pull on this finger?

That is correct.

And then, flatulence.

It is illogical.

But put the "it" and the "is" together.

It-is illogical.

Close.



That is merely an average.

Intelligent humans read
closer to 300 words.

But that is so slow.

Are humans damaged?

Give me five.

Now, down low.

Why would you do that?

Because you are too slow.

They require eight hours of sleep

- every 24 hours?
- Every day.

Remarkable.

How do they get anything done?

It-is illogical.

Closer together, faster.

- It-is illogical.
- Not quite.

You do it.

Some humans eat a great deal of meat,

- and also cheese.
- How much cheese?

A great deal of cheese.

And humans view these
for the express purpose

of being scared?

Yes. They are horror movies.

- Are the movies horrible?
- Yes.

No.

Sometimes.

High five.

Down low.

Victory. I am human.

Although that is untrue. I am Vulcan.

But I'm very excited right now.

"It's."

It-is.

It's.

It-is.

It's...

It-is...

- It's.
- Is that not what I am doing?

Isn't that what I am doing?

Isn't.

I have achieved it.

"I've."

♪ ♪