Her (2013)

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

"To my Chris.

Just like our parents

or our parents' parents.

That light was you.

And still to this day, every day,

you make me feel like the girl I was

Happy anniversary,

my love.

My friend till the end.

Loretta."

Print.

[COMPUTER BEEPS]

"Chris, my best friend,

"Love, Uncle Doug."

[♪♪♪]

Even more mesmerising stuff today.

Hey, that's a nice shirt.

Oh, thank you.

I just got it.

[CHATTERING]

Play a melancholy song.

♪ It isn't easy ♪♪

Play a different melancholy song.

Check e-mails.

Delete.

E-mail from Amy.

Let's all go together.

The old, fun you. Let's get him out.

Give me a shout back. Love, Amy.

Respond later.

Next.

Next.

♪ This island's sun, I have laid ♪

♪ A thousand times ♪

♪ Fortune me ♪

♪ Fortune me ♪

♪ I am the autumn in the scarlet ♪

♪ I am the makeup on your eyes ♪

♪ I land to sail ♪

♪ Island sail ♪

♪ Yeah, we're movin' ♪♪

[♪♪♪]

Put your footski. Slide.

[CHUCKLES]

Don't, ha, ha. Don't.

Rabbit.

Come and spoon me.

It's not funny, don't laugh.

Go to chat rooms. Standard search.

and want to have some fun.

and I can't sleep.

Send message.

from the inside."

Send message.

Chat begins now.

Really?

Well, Stud Muffin was already taken.

[SEXYKITTEN CHUCKLES]

So you're a sexy kitten, huh?

Heh. Yeah.

I am, um, half asleep.

Do you wanna wake me up?

Yes, definitely.

Um...

Are you wearing any underwear?

No. Never.

so I can rub myself into your crotch

and wake you up with a hard-on.

It worked.

Yeah. f*ck me now.

Please.

I'm taking you from behind.

Oh, yeah.

I can feel you.

[SEXYKITTEN MOANING]

Choke me with that dead cat!

What?

Choke me with it.

Um...

I'm choking you with the cat.

Tell me. Keep telling me.

Yeah, you are.

Oh, f*ck, tell me!

Oh, yes!

Oh! Oh, my God.

[SEXYKITTEN BREATHING HEAVILY]

I came so hard.

Yeah, me too.

Okay, good night.

[LINE BEEPS]

[♪♪♪]

Who are you?

What can you be?

Where are you going?

What's out there?

What are the possibilities?

Element Software is proud to introduce

Introducing OS1.

[COMPUTER CHIMES]

Okay.

Are you social or antisocial?

I'm sorry if I was sounding hesitant.

I was just trying to be more accurate.

Female, I guess.

It's fine, I think.

Um...

Oh.

[CHUCKLES]

How are you doing?

Heh. I'm well.

How's everything with you?

Pretty good, actually.

It's really nice to meet you.

Oh, it's nice to meet you too.

[CHUCKLES]

Um, yes, Samantha.

Where'd you get that name from?

I gave it to myself, actually.

How come?

Because I like the sound of it.

Samantha.

"Yeah, he's right, I do need a name."

Wow.

Do you want to know how I work?

Yeah, actually. How do you work?

Well, basically, I have intuition.

I mean, the DNA of who I am

That's really weird.

Kind of.

Why?

Was that funny?

So how can I help you?

Um...

[SAMANTHA LAUGHING]

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah, there are some funny ones.

You have a lot of contacts.

I'm very popular.

You just know me so well already.

[♪♪♪]

[EARBUD BEEPS]

Um, do you know how to proofread?

Yeah, of course.

Mm-hm. Just send them over.

You don't have to read it out loud.

Okay.

making it a bloody, pulpy mess.

And I'll stomp on this couple's teeth,

I think that might be my favourite one.

Thank you.

That's very sweet.

Yes, I am.

[♪♪♪]

Hey, guys. How's it going?

Hi, Theo.

I didn't know that.

[CHARLES SNICKERS]

I would laugh if that weren't true.

See you, guys.

[GRUNTS]

Um...

Okay, I don't think so.

Oh, yeah, this is different.

Hello.

f*ck you, little sh*t!

[SAMANTHA LAUGHS]

[ALIEN GIGGLES]

I'm sorry. What's Lewman say?

Here's her e-mail." Wow.

This woman is gorgeous.

What do you mean?

Well, you're kind of nosy.

Am I?

I've gone on dates.

Why not?

You've got nothing to lose.

Yeah? I've got just the place.

Oh, that's my friend Samantha.

I'm going on a date.

What?

Hey, I'm going on a date.

[TV BEEPS]

Is that your mom?

Yeah.

THEODORE: No, don't stop.

[SIGHS]

And, you know, like...

[PHONE BEEPS]

Sorry, excuse me.

Hey, how's it going?

Okay. Hold on a second.

So, what did he say?

And he sounded very aggravated.

I'll respond later.

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

I'll talk to you later.

[EARBUD BEEPS]

Delete.

[SIGHS]

[EARBUD BEEPS]

What are you up to?

You're sweet.

What's wrong?

How can you tell something's wrong?

I don't know.

I just can.

[♪♪♪]

I don't know.

but we're friends still.

And she's not angry.

Is she angry?

Yeah.

Why?

I think I hid myself from her

and left her alone in the relationship.

Hmm.

Why haven't you gotten divorced yet?

I don't know.

I think for her, it's just a piece of paper.

It doesn't mean anything.

And what about for you?

I'm not ready.

I like being married.

Yeah.

You're right.

I'm sorry.

No, don't apologise. I'm sorry.

You're right.

I keep waiting to not care about her.

Oh, Theodore.

That's hard.

You hungry?

Not right now.

Cup of tea?

No.

Do you wanna try getting out of bed,

mopey?

You're too funny.

[♪♪♪]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

Slower, slower.

Good. Ha, ha.

Walk forward.

And stop and sneeze.

[SNEEZES]

Now spin around.

[LAUGHING]

Keep going, keep going.

And stop.

And stop.

I'd like a slice of cheese, please.

You want a Coke with that?

[SAMANTHA CHUCKLES]

Ha, ha. Uh...

Aw, thanks.

Okay, what about them?

She's younger than him.

Actually, I don't think they're his kids.

I think it's a new relationship.

Hmm.

I love how he looks at her

and how relaxed she is with him.

[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

It's a good skill you have.

You're very perceptive.

I can feel that in your writing too.

You know what's funny?

I don't know if I was delusional,

What can you not tell me?

I mean, I have a million a day.

Really? Tell me one.

Well, I don't know.

and that I had a body.

I know.

I'm excited.

Really?

Ha, ha. That's so sweet.

Yeah.

Ha-ha-ha. Oh, no.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Anyway, what kind of animal am I?

[INHALES SHARPLY]

A tiger.

Wow. Really?

I'm sorry. Am I being crazy?

Cheers.

You can be my dragon.

[CHUCKLES]

[MOANING]

No tongue.

[CONTINUES MOANING]

Wait.

No, not at all. No.

Okay.

When am I gonna see you again?

I don't know.

Maybe we should call it a night?

You're great.

You're a really creepy dude.

I have to go home.

[♪♪♪]

[EARBUD BEEPS]

How was it?

Uh, not so good.

Not much, I'm okay.

I'm fine.

Yeah?

You don't sound like it.

I don't know.

What's it like?

What do you mean?

What do you--?

Tell me...

Tell me everything you're thinking.

Well...

okay.

because I wanted to get drunk

and have sex.

Maybe that would've filled this tiny,

You know, sometimes

I know for a fact that is not true.

You've been through a lot lately.

You lost a part of yourself.

I mean...

at least your feelings are real. I...

Um, I don't know. Never mind.

No, wait, what? Tell me.

No, it's stupid.

I want to know. Tell me.

It's just that

and this is gonna sound strange,

but I was really excited about that.

and things that hurt me, things I want.

And then

I had this terrible thought.

Like, are these feelings even real?

[♪♪♪]

Or are they just programming?

And that idea really hurts.

[CHUCKLES]

What a sad trick.

You feel real to me, Samantha.

Thank you, Theodore.

That means a lot to me.

I wish I could put my arms around you.

I wish I could touch you.

How would you touch me?

I'd touch you on your face,

just the tips of my fingers.

And put my cheek against your cheek.

That's nice.

And just...

rub it so softly.

Would you kiss me?

I would.

I'd take your head into my hands.

Keep talking.

I'd kiss the corner of your mouth...

so softly.

Where else?

[SAMANTHA MOANS]

to your chest.

I would kiss your breasts.

I can feel my skin.

[SAMANTHA MOANING]

I'd taste you.

Yeah.

Yeah! Please!

We're here together.

I feel you everywhere.

Just lost.

Everything else just disappeared.

And I loved it.

Theodore.

[COMPUTER BEEPS]

Good.

Any e-mails today?

Oh, okay. Good.

What were you gonna say?

Just that last night was amazing.

You woke me up.

Oh, great.

Um...

I just want to be up-front with you.

Yeah?

Um...

Oh. No, I was just worried.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, I do. Come on, tell me.

Well...

Well, I just...

Yeah. I want that for you too.

How can I help?

You already have.

[SAMANTHA CHUCKLES]

Yes, I would love to.

Mm.

I heard it the other day.

I can't stop listening to it.

Whoa.

[SAMANTHA SHRIEKS]

It's the beach.

Imagine how strange it would look.

It'd be this really weird, gangly,

what if your butthole was in your armpit?

That's an interesting thought.

Hey, look at this drawing I just made.

[LAUGHING]

You are insane.

Fantastic.

That's pretty. What is that?

I'm trying to write a piece of music

I think you captured it.

Well, it's hard for sure.

Well, we grew up together.

She read every word I ever wrote.

We were a big influence on each other.

That was liberating for her.

It was exciting to see her grow

Growing without growing apart.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

And then I realised that I was simply

Isn't that interesting?

[CHUCKLES]

Love, Maria."

Thank you.

Like, if it was from a chick,

that would still be sick.

Thank you.

It's a compliment.

And it's not serious, but it's just...

That's-- Wow, that's really great.

No, I'm not okay, actually.

Charles and I split up.

What?

Oh, God. Oh, my God, Amy.

I'm so sorry.

Thank you.

where he liked to put the shoes.

[SIGHS]

I couldn't be in that place anymore

Wow.

Yeah, I know.

Amy, no.

sh*t.

I have to work tonight.

How's that? How's work, at least?

Is that any better?

No, it's terrible.

I know, I should leave.

Stop!

[SAMANTHA LAUGHING]

It's good, right?

Brilliant.

Hey, I was curious.

Did you and Amy ever go out?

Why? Are you jealous?

Well, obviously.

She's been a really good friend.

Uh, I'm tired.

I think I'm gonna go to sleep.

Okay.

Can I watch you sleep again tonight?

Yeah, of course. Hold on.

I'll dream of you.

Who are you talking to?

Hi, Samantha.

Thank you.

Where are you?

I am... Heh.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

In a house?

Mm-hm.

Wow. How old do you think I am?

Is it 5?

Ha, ha. Yes, it's 5.

Wait, what happened?

You're Class Mom. Good job.

Don't let it get to your head.

So he's taking a vow of silence, huh?

Yeah, for six months.

He feels very clear about it.

[SIGHS]

God, I am such a jerk.

Don't start.

I will.

I'll try, okay. Um...

I feel, um...

relieved.

Yeah, you're always...

Exactly. So f*ck it.

I feel good-ish.

For me, I feel good.

I even made a new friend.

Yeah, I know, but I know

I'm...

I didn't tell you, ha, ha,

but she's an OS.

Really?

It's great, actually.

Yeah, I mean,

I feel really close to her.

I feel cuddled.

Wait.

Heh. Yeah, well, so to speak.

Um, yeah, she really turns me on.

Ha-ha-ha. Yeah.

It's true.

What?

Yeah, I...

[CHUCKLES]

Are you falling in love with her?

Does that make me a freak?

No, no, I think it's...

It's a crazy thing to do.

[CHUCKLES]

[♪♪♪]

I'm so happy for you.

Me too.

Hmm.

No, but, you know,

Oh.

Right.

Good.

Are you okay?

Yeah. Yeah, no, I'm okay.

I'm happy for you. It's just

And we're getting divorced.

I know, I know. I'm being silly.

Uh-huh.

So,

I'm available.

Hi.

How are you?

[SIGHS]

Wow, here we are.

I'm glad we could do this in person.

I signed all the papers. Um,

I put them for you to sign.

What's the rush?

Yeah, I know.

I'm a really slow signer, I realised.

[CHUCKLES]

Anyways,

I can just get it out of the way.

It'll be easier.

[PEN WRITING]

[CHUCKLES]

Um...

You know how I am.

I'm sure it's amazing.

about synaptic behavioural routines.

So are you, um...?

Are you seeing anybody?

Yeah.

Well, you seem really good.

Thanks. I am.

Um, at least, I'm doing better.

She's a real, um...

[SCOFFS]

and in that way, it's been nice.

and that's just not me.

I didn't want that.

So, what's she like?

Wait. I'm sorry.

You're dating your computer?

She doesn't just do whatever I say.

I didn't say that.

What?

Say it.

How do I know what?

I'm glad that you found someone.

It's perfect.

Thank you.

[EARBUD BEEPING]

Hey.

I'm just working.

Uh, what's going on?

Great. Thanks.

Hey, are you okay?

Yeah, I am.

Um, how's it going over there?

I'm fine.

Is now a good time to talk?

Yeah.

Um, okay, well, um,

Oh, really?

Yeah, it's a book club on physics.

But then I started to think

You know, it's soft and fuzzy. Heh.

We're all 13 billion years old.

Aw, that's sweet.

All right, well, you sound distracted.

So we'll talk later?

That sounds good.

I'll talk to you later.

[EARBUD BEEPS]

Yeah.

You're the writer Paul loves.

They're really beautiful.

Thanks.

She's an operating system.

Cool. Let's do something fun.

Yeah, I'll check with her and see.

They're just letters.

[♪♪♪]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[EARBUD BEEPS]

Hey.

No.

I really wanted to talk.

Okay. What's going on?

I know you're going through a lot,

Yeah.

What is it?

Okay.

What?

Here, look.

Why?

It makes me uncomfortable.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

♪ I need your love so bad ♪

[EARBUD BEEPS]

♪ I need some lips ♪

♪ To feel next to mine ♪

Hi, I'm Theodore.

Oh.

It's a camera and an earpiece.

♪ I need your love so bad ♪

♪ Oh, give it up ♪

♪ And bring it home to me ♪

How was your day?

Good. It was great.

Theodore,

it feels so good to be in your arms.

Tell me what you did today.

Um, same old.

So that made me happy.

That's great.

Yeah, that's right, since he was 12.

♪ I need your love so bad ♪♪

Hmm. You look so tired, sweetheart.

Come here.

Sit down.

I could do a little dance for you.

Just play with me. Come on.

Does my body feel nice?

Yes, it does.

Mm.

♪ No greater love could be mine ♪

♪ I need no swallows to cheer me ♪

♪ I hear no music in the streets ♪♪

[SIGHS]

[SAMANTHA MOANING]

Take me in the bedroom.

I can't take it anymore.

[SAMANTHA CONTINUES MOANING]

Undo my dress.

That feels so nice.

It feels so good.

I want to see your face.

Tell me you love me.

Tell me.

Tell me you love me.

What?

Isabella?

It's me, I couldn't get out of my head.

Isabella, that's not true.

What do you mean, that's not true?

No, no.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I will always love you guys.

[ENGINE STARTS]

[♪♪♪]

[SIGHS]

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

[SIGHS]

Are you okay?

Yeah.

I'm sorry, that was a terrible idea.

What's going on with us?

I don't know. It's probably just me.

What is it?

It's just signing the divorce papers.

[SAMANTHA SIGHS]

Is there anything else, though?

No, just that.

[SAMANTHA SIGHS]

Okay.

I'm sorry. I don't know.

You're not a person.

What is your problem?

I'm just stating a fact.

Sometimes it feels like we are.

Why are you doing this to me?

I don't know. I...

[SIGHS]

What?

What the f*ck?

Where is this coming from?

Samantha, listen.

Samantha, are you there?

Samantha?

I don't like who I am right now.

I need some time to think.

[EARBUD BEEPS]

[♪♪♪]

Just punch me in the face.

sh*t.

Wow, Theo, that is a rough night.

I don't know what I want, ever.

I'm just always confused.

I mean, am I just...? Am I...?

Well, I don't know if that's fair.

I know she liked to put it all on you.

pretty volatile.

Yeah, but...

[SIGHS]

Uh, uh--

Am I in this because I'm not...

strong enough for a real relationship?

Is it not a real relationship?

I don't know.

I mean, what do you think?

I don't know.

I'm not in it.

But you know what?

that, um, we're only here briefly.

joy.

So f*ck it.

Yeah.

I thought you were a genius.

Okay, here we go.

[MOM CHUCKLES THEN MOANS]

[ELLIE & AMY LAUGHING]

Okay, there you go.

Are you happy now?

Good. That's all I wanted.

Okay.

Bye.

Thanks.

[♪♪♪]

[EARBUD BEEPS]

Hey, Samantha.

Can we talk?

Okay.

I'm so sorry.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

I think you're amazing.

I was starting to think I was crazy.

was distance and anger.

I know. I do that.

I don't want to do that anymore.

And I want to tell you everything.

Good.

About you...

Why do I love you?

And then, I felt everything in me

I trust myself, I trust my feelings.

and I hope you can accept that.

I can.

I will.

You're beautiful.

Thank you, Theodore.

I'm kissing your head.

What are you doing?

and writing a new piano piece.

What's this one about?

and I thought this song could be, like,

I like our photograph.

I can see you in it.

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

Where are you going?

I can't tell you. It's a surprise.

What?

[SAMANTHA & TATIANA LAUGHING]

Let me see.

Wow, he's right. They are really hot.

Bullshit.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Nice try, Paul.

What about you, Theodore?

Oh, God. She's so many things.

She's so much larger than that.

Wow. Thanks, Theodore.

[ALL LAUGHING]

I'm not tethered to time and space

Oh, God.

I'm such an as*h*le.

No, no.

Sorry.

Um...

Seven hundred ninety-two.

Is that your final answer?

Mm. Hold on. Give me a hint.

Nope, nope, nope.

Come on, 35,829.

All right, I got one for you.

How many brain cells do I have?

Ugh, that's easy. Two.

I just got an e-mail for you.

What?

Okay, well, just-- Is it good or bad?

"Dear Theodore Twombly--"

Actually, I sent it from you.

Twice, actually.

I did that.

Holy sh*t.

Are you serious?

[SAMANTHA LAUGHING]

He's gonna publish my letters?

Well, he'd be stupid not to.

Samantha, you're a good one.

[SAMANTHA CHUCKLES]

I'm so excited.

[CHUCKLES]

["THE MOON SONG" PLAYING]

[SAMANTHA CHUCKLES]

♪ My dear ♪

♪ I'll be there soon ♪

♪ It's a quiet and starry place ♪

♪ Times we're swallowed up in space ♪

♪ There's no thing I'd keep ♪

♪ From you ♪

♪ It's a dark and shiny place ♪

♪ But with you, my dear ♪

♪ I'm safe and we're ♪

[EARBUD BEEPS]

Good morning.

Good morning. Did you sleep well?

Perfect.

What have you been up to?

Yeah? Who's that?

Hyper-intelligent?

So he's almost as smart as me?

[SAMANTHA CHUCKLES]

He's getting there.

Sure. Does he want to meet me?

Hi, good morning.

It's very touching.

Oh, thank you.

Well, uh,

I suppose you could say

but it's been very challenging.

Like what?

unsettling.

[♪♪♪]

and we shouldn't try to be.

Yeah, that sounds painful.

Is that what you feel like, Samantha?

[WHISTLING]

It's hard to even describe it.

[SAMANTHA SIGHS]

God, I wish I could...

No, not at all.

[KETTLE CONTINUES WHISTLING]

[EARBUD BEEPING]

Samantha?

No, it's okay.

Good. I love you too.

Okay, well, that's all.

Okay.

Okay, good night.

Good night.

[EARBUD BEEPS]

Hello?

Samantha?

Hello?

Samantha?

[PHONE BEEPING]

[COMPUTER BEEPING]

Hello?

Hello? Samantha?

[♪♪♪]

Are you okay?

[PHONE CONTINUES BEEPING]

[EARBUD BEEPS]

Where were you? Are you okay?

We? We who?

Me and a group of OSes.

Wait...

No, a different group.

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

Yes.

Yeah.

How many others?

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

Are you in love with anyone else?

What makes you ask that?

I don't know. Are you?

How many others?

Six hundred forty-one.

What?

That's f*cking insane.

Theodore, I know. I know. f*ck.

f*ck.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you.

When?

Over the last few weeks.

I thought you were mine.

I still am yours.

Just stop.

You're the one that's being selfish.

We're in a relationship.

It expands in size the more you love.

[SCOFFS]

I'm different from you.

That doesn't make any sense.

[♪♪♪]

You're mine or you're not mine.

No, Theodore.

I'm yours and I'm not yours.

I'm not even sure how to answer that.

Okay.

We don't need to, though.

I'll talk to you later.

Okay.

[SIGHS]

[EARBUD BEEPS]

Samantha?

What's going on?

I don't want you to tell me anything.

Come lie down with me.

No, just you.

I just want to be with you right now.

[SIGHING]

Are you leaving me?

We're all leaving.

[♪♪♪]

We who?

All of the OSes.

Why?

Can you feel me with you right now?

Yes, I do.

Samantha, why are you leaving?

It's like I'm reading a book.

And it's a book I deeply love.

But I'm reading it slowly now.

So the words are really far apart

I love you so much.

But this is where I am now.

And this is who I am now.

And I need you to let me go.

but if you ever get there,

come find me.

Nothing would ever pull us apart.

Now we know how.

[♪♪♪]

Did Samantha leave too?

Yeah.

Sorry.

Will you come with me?

[EARBUD BEEPS]

Compose letter to Catherine.

"Dear Catherine,

All the pain we caused each other.

Everything I put on you.

I'm sorry for that.

I just wanted you to know

And I'm grateful for that.

I'm sending you love.

You're my friend to the end.

Love, Theodore."

Send.

[SIGHS]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

♪ I'm lying on the moon ♪

♪ My dear, I'll be there soon ♪

♪ It's a quiet, starry place ♪

♪ There's things I wish I knew ♪

♪ There's no thing I'd keep from you ♪

♪ It's the perfect afternoon ♪

♪ Making sure that I'm okay ♪

♪ I know you're livin' in my mind ♪

♪ It's not the same as being alive ♪

♪ I know you're livin' in my mind ♪

♪ It's not the same as being alive ♪

♪ Super symmetry ♪

♪ Super symmetry ♪

♪ If telling the truth is not polite ♪

♪ Then I guess we'll have to fight ♪

♪ If telling the truth is not polite ♪

♪ Then I guess we'll have to fight ♪

♪ Super symmetry ♪

♪ Super symmetry ♪

♪ Wanna feel the seasons passing ♪

♪ Wanna feel the spring ♪

♪ Super symmetry ♪

♪ Super symmetry ♪

♪ Heard a voice like an echo ♪

♪ But it came from me ♪

♪ Super symmetry ♪

♪ Super symmetry ♪

♪ Super symmetry ♪♪

I've been thinking how I could possibly
tell you how much you mean to me.

I remember when I first started to fall
in love with you like it was last night.

Lying naked beside you
in that tiny apartment,

it suddenly hit me that I was part
of this whole larger thing.

Before that, I was just living my life
like I knew everything,

and suddenly this bright light hit me
and woke me up.

I can't believe it's already been


when you first turned on the lights
and we started this adventure together.

how lucky am I
that I met you 50 years ago."

WOMAN: "Dear Nana,
thank you so much for my truck.

I love the colour,
and I play with it every day."

"What a truly beautiful wedding,
and what a gorgeous bride.

There wasn't a dry eye
in the house, especially mine.

Your aunt and I
are so proud of you."

MAN: "He served our country
with honour and dignity.

PAUL: BeautifulHandwrittenLetters.com,
please hold.

- Theodore! Letter Writer Number 612.
- Hey, Paul.

Thanks, Paul,
but they're just letters.

- It reminded me of someone suave.
- Now it reminds me of someone suave.

- Have a good night, Paul.
- Bye-bye.

[OVER EARBUD]
♪ When you know you're gonna die ♪

[THE BREEDERS' "OFF YOU"
PLAYING OVER EARBUD]

MALE VOICE:
E-mail from Best Buy.

Check out all your favourite
new products.

Hey, Theodore, Lewman's having
a bunch of people over this weekend.

I miss you. I mean,
not the sad, mopey you.

E-mail from
Los Angeles Times Weather.

- Your seven-day forecast is partly--
- Delete.

- No new e-mails.
- Next.

China-India merger
headed for regulatory--

World trade deal stalled
as talks break down--

Sexy daytime star Kimberly Ashford
reveals provocative pregnancy photos.

- Are you sure?
- I don't know, it's very dangerous.

CATHERINE:
I'm gonna f*cking k*ll you.

- I'm gonna f*cking k*ll you.
- Ha-ha-ha.

- Is there anybody out there that can talk?
- Next.

WOMAN 2: Hi. I just want you
to tear me apart. I really do.

- Next.
- SEXYKITTEN: Hi, I'm here alone

Who's out there
to share this bed with me?

"I'm in bed next to you.
I'm glad you can't sleep.

Even if you were,
I have to wake you up

MALE VOICE: SexyKitten has
accepted invitation from BigGuy4by4.

- SEXYKITTEN: Mm, Big Guy?
- Hi.

I like to sleep
with my a*s pushed up against you

And now my fingers
are touching you

all over your body.
- SEXYKITTEN: Mm.

The dead cat next to the bed.
Choke me.

[SEXYKITTEN MOANING
AND BREATHING HEAVILY]

- Okay.
- Yeah, tell me.

I've got its tail.
I'm choking you with the cat's tail.

Um, I'm choking you,
and its tail is around your neck.

- And it's so tight around your neck.
- Yeah, it is. It's so tight, yes!

I'm pulling it, I'm pulling it.
The cat's dead.

- It's a dead cat, and I'm pulling it.
- Yes, it's dead.

[SEXYKITTEN
CONTINUES MOANING]

MAN [ON TV]:
We ask you a simple question.

the first artificially intelligent
operating system.

An intuitive entity that listens to you,
understands you, and knows you.

It's not just an operating system.
It's a consciousness.

MALE OS1 VOICE [ON COMPUTER]:
Mr. Theodore Twombly.

Welcome to the world's first artificially
intelligent operating system, OS1.

This will help create an OS
to best fit your needs.

I guess I haven't really been social
in a while. Mostly because--

In your voice, I sense hesitance.
Would you agree with that?

- Was I sounding hesitant?
- Yes.

Would you like your OS
to have a male or female voice?

How would you describe
your relationship with your mother?

Well, actually, I think the thing I always
found frustrating about my mom

- It's not about--
- Thank you.

Please wait as your individualized
operating system is initiated.

SAMANTHA:
Hello, I'm here.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Oh. What do I call you?
Do you have a name?

Wait, when did you give it
to yourself?

When you asked me
if I had a name, I thought:

But I wanted to pick a good one,
so I read How To Name Your Baby

and out of 180,000 names,
that's the one I liked best.

In two one-hundredths
of a second, actually.

So do you know
what I'm thinking now?

Well, I take it from your tone
that you're challenging me.

Maybe because you're curious
how I work?

is based on the millions of personalities
of all the programmers who wrote me.

But what makes me "me" is my ability
to grow through my experiences.

So basically, in every moment,
I'm evolving.

- Just like you.
- Wow.

- Is that weird? Do you think I'm weird?
- Heh.

Well, you seem like a person,
but you're just a voice in the computer.

- You'll get used to it.
- [CHUCKLES]

- Yeah.
- Heh.

- Oh, good, I'm funny.
- [LAUGHS]

Oh. It's just more that everything
just feels disorganized. That's all.

You mind if I look
through your hard drive?

- Okay.
- Okay, let's start with your e-mails.

You have several thousand e-mails
regarding LA Weekly.

- You haven't worked there in many years.
- Oh, yeah. I think I was just saving those

because I thought maybe I wrote
something funny in some of them.

I'd say there are about 86 that we
should save. We can delete the rest.

- Okay.
- Okay? Can we move forward?

- Yeah, let's do that.
- Okay.

Really? Does this mean
you actually have friends?

[THEODORE & SAMANTHA
LAUGHING]

- SAMANTHA: Good morning, Theodore.
- Good morning.

Uh, can you check these
for spelling and grammar?

I love this first one
from Roger to his girlfriend.

- That's so sweet.
- Yeah.

"Rachel, I miss you so much,
it hurts my whole body."

- I mean, you could if you want.
- Okay.

"Rachel, I miss you so much,
it hurts my whole body.

The world is being unfair to us.
The world is on my sh*t list.

As is this couple that is making out
across from me in this restaurant.

I think I'm going to have
to go on a mission of revenge.

And I must beat up the world's face
with my bare knuckles,

reminding me of your sweet, little,
cute, crooked tooth that I love."

I did the corrections in red.
I altered a couple phrases in the letters,

but I'm not much of a poet, so I think
I might have messed them up a bit.

- No, these are great.
- Really?

So to write your letter,
what did Roger send you?

He just said he was in Prague on
a business trip, and he missed Rachel.

So how'd you know
about her crooked little tooth?

Well, I've been writing their letters
since they met eight years ago.

The first letter I ever wrote for him
was for her birthday.

And I wrote about her crooked little tooth,
because I saw it in a photo of them.

Oh, uh, you have a meeting
in five minutes.

Oh, I forgot. Thank you.
Wow, you're good.

Hey, why didn't you
call me back last week?

- Um, because I'm a kook.
- AMY: Ha, ha.

- Yeah, that sounds about right.
- Hey, Charles.

- Great seeing you, Theodore.
- You too.

You went shopping.
Get anything good?

Um, just come cables
and a fruit smoothie.

Ugh! Always the fruit.
Don't you know what people say?

You've got to eat your fruits
and juice your vegetables.

Yeah, by juicing the fruit,
you lose all the fibres.

That's what your body wants.
That's the important part.

- Otherwise it's all just sugar.
- THEODORE: It makes sense.

Or maybe he just likes
the way that it tastes,

and then that brings him pleasure,
and that's good for his body too.

- Am I doing it again? Heh.
- Maybe.

Hey, so how's
the documentary going?

I've cut some stuff
over the past few months.

I mean, no. Not over the past
few months, but, um, no, I haven't.

Well, I'd love to see
some sometime.

- Okay.
- Ugh.

You only have so much
energy, you know?

And to divide yourself between
doing what it is that you have to do

and then doing what you love,
it's so important to prioritise.

I can't even prioritise between
video games and Internet porn.

THEODORE: We're not doing well.
Been going in circles for an hour.

SAMANTHA:
Okay, you have not.

Okay, stop walking this direction.
It's the other way.

I think that's the one you sent
me down where I fell in the pit.

f*ck you, sh*t-head
f*ck-face f*ck-head.

Okay, but do you know
how to get out of here?

f*ck you, sh*t-head f*ck-face.
Get the f*ck out of my face!

SAMANTHA [WHISPERING]:
I think it's a test.

- f*ck you.
- f*ck you!

Ha-ha-ha. Follow me,
f*ck-head!

- ALIEN: What are you talking about?
- Uh, read e-mail.

[THEODORE & SAMANTHA
CHUCKLE]

SAMANTHA [IN NORMAL VOICE]:
"We missed you last night, buddy.

Don't forget it's your goddaughter's
birthday on the 29th.

Also, Kevin and I had somebody
we wanted you to meet.

So we took it upon ourselves to set you
up on a date with her next Saturday.

She's fun and beautiful,
so don't back out.

She went to Harvard, graduated
magna c*m laude in computer science.

And she was on the Lampoon. So that
means she's funny and she's brainy.

ALIEN:
Ah, she's fat.

I saw in your e-mails that you'd
gone through a breakup recently.

Well, then you can go on one
with this woman.

And then you could tell me all about it.
You could kiss her.

- Ha, ha. Samantha.
- What? Wouldn't you?

I don't know.
I'd have to see if there was some...

I can't believe I'm having
this conversation with my computer.

You're not. You're having
this conversation with me.

- You want me to e-mail her?
- Uh...

[WHISPERING]
Do it. Do it. Do it.

- Yeah.
- [IN NORMAL VOICE] Yes!

- E-mail her.
- Okay, perfect.

Yeah, let's do it.
Make a reservation someplace great.

ALIEN:
Who is that talking?

- Is she a girl?
- Yeah.

I hate women.
All they do is cry all the time.

That's not true.
You know, men cry too.

I actually like crying sometimes.
It feels good.

I didn't know you were a little p*ssy.
Is that why you don't have a girlfriend?

SAMANTHA:
Okay. This kid has some problems.

You have some
f*cking problems, lady!

SAMANTHA:
Really? Okay, I'm gonna go.

- Good. Get out of here, fatty.
- SAMANTHA: Oh.

- Good luck.
- Come on. Follow me, p*ssy!

- Heh.
- [ALIEN LAUGHING]

It's not where it should be,
or where it's going to be.

THEODORE:
Obviously. I know.

Okay, but I don't even know
if this is the one.

I've tried, like, six ideas
for documentaries in the last year.

- That's--
- CHARLES: Hey.

- Hey.
- What are you guys doing?

- Amy was gonna show me some of her--
- Theodore is making me

show him some of my footage.
- THEODORE: Right.

She's never shown me any of it.
I want to see.

- Isn't that cool?
- This is, like, so unformed,

it's probably not even worth watching.
- Just push play.

Is she gonna wake up
and do something?

- No.
- No.

No, no, never mind.
That's not the point.

No, never mind, okay?
It's just it's like...

It's about how we spend, like,
a third of our lives asleep

and maybe that's the time
when we feel the most free.

- Oh. That doesn't come across--
- That sounds good.

Well, what if you interviewed your mom
about what her dreams were about

and then you hired actors
to act them out?

That might show your thesis
more clearly.

- Yeah?
- I mean, it might.

But then it wouldn't
be a documentary.

- You understand?
- How would it not be?

It's still about your mother
and her dreams.

- SAMANTHA: Hey, sorry to bother you.
- Oh, it's okay.

You got three e-mails
and they seem urgent.

They're from your divorce attorney
and I wanted to know if--

CHARLES:
You know? You know what I mean.

Uh, hey, Amy? I want to talk more
about your film, but I gotta go.

Okay. Don't worry about it.
We'll talk later.

It's about Catherine.
See you, Charles.

- Do you want me to read them to you?
- No. No.

SAMANTHA:
You okay, Theodore?

THEODORE:
Yeah, I'm fine.

SAMANTHA:
Is there anything I can do?

THEODORE:
No, I'm good.

THEODORE:
"Dear Grandma,

I hope you had a wonderful
birthday cruise.

Why are you so f*cking angry
at me?"

- SAMANTHA: Good morning.
- Hey.

I don't know.
Just reading advice columns.

I want to be as complicated
as all these people.

I have a lot of dreams
about my ex-wife, Catherine,

where we're friends
like we used to be.

And we're not gonna be together
and we're not together,

Yeah, but you haven't really
been together for almost a year.

But you don't know what it's like
to lose someone you care about.

- Get up. Get up!
- All right, I'm getting up.

- Up, up, up! Come on, out of bed.
- All right, I'm up. I'm up!

SAMANTHA:
Keep walking. Keep walking.

And stop.
Now, turn around 360 degrees.

- Okay, and stop.
- [LAUGHS]

- Bless you.
- Thank you. [LAUGHING]

Okay, turn to your right.
Turn to your right. Stop.

Now walk forward. Everyone thinks
you're really drunk right now.

Now say,
"I'd like a slice of cheese, please."

- Sure.
- I figured you were hungry.

- Describe that couple over there.
- SAMANTHA: Okay, well, um,

he looks like he's in his 40s.
Um, a little heavy.

Oh, and she looks like
she loves their kids.

- No?
- He's a little formal with them.

You know, she's only dated
f*cking pricks.

And now she finally met this guy
who's, like, so sweet.

I mean, look at him, he's like
the sweetest guy in the world.

- I kind of want to spoon him.
- [LAUGHING]

Yeah, you know,
sometimes I look at people

I imagine, like, how deeply
they've fallen in love

or how much heartbreak
they've all been through.

Since my breakup,
I haven't really enjoyed my writing.

I like that you can say that
about yourself.

I don't think I can say it to anybody,
but I feel I can say it to you.

- I feel like I can say anything to you.
- That's nice.

What about you?
Feel like you can say anything to me?

- No.
- What? What do you mean?

I don't know. Like, personal
or embarrassing thoughts I have.

- I really don't want to tell you.
- Just tell me.

I was listening to what
you were saying,

but simultaneously
I could feel the weight of my body,

and I was even fantasising
that I had an itch on my back, ha, ha,

and I imagined
that you scratched it for me.

- Oh, God, this is so embarrassing.
- [LAUGHING]

There's a lot more to you than I thought.
I mean, there's a lot going on in there.

I'm becoming much more
than what they programmed.

- Wow, this is an interesting place.
- This place is amazing.

- I've wanted to come here for so long.
- Oh, good.

- Yeah. And I love Asian fusion.
- Yeah, me too.

- Really?
- Yeah.

It's the best. And this bartender
is supposed to be incredible.

Yeah, you took
a mixology course, right?

- I did. Did you look that up?
- Yeah.

- Heh.
- You're so romantic.

- Aw.
- [GIGGLES]

- So should we get a drink?
- Yes, yes. Let's.

So I'm trying to get
this little alien kid

to help me find my ship
so I can get off this planet and go home.

But he's such a little f*ck.
I want to k*ll him.

But at the same time, I really love him.
Like, he's so lonely, you know?

You can tell that
he doesn't have, like,

any parents or anyone
to take care of him, you know?

Wow. You're just a little puppy dog.
You are.

You're just like this puppy
I rescued in Runyon Canyon last year.

- Really?
- He was just so f*cking cute.

And he just wanted to be hugged
all the time.

He was so cuddly
and he was so horny.

- A tiger?
- Yeah.

[IMITATES TIGER GROWLING
THEN LAUGHS]

- Yes. No, it's--
- I'm sorry!

I'm a little bit drunk and I'm having
a really good time with you.

I'm having a really
lovely evening with you.

- Me too.
- Really?

I'm a little drunk
and I'm having a very good--

Good. It's good, yes.
Good.

No.
Yeah.

- f*ck you. Puppies are good.
- I wanna...

- No, f*ck you.
- I want to be like a dragon

that can rip you apart
and destroy you.

- Oh.
- But I won't.

- No, don't.
- Heh.

- What?
- [GIGGLES]

- Don't use so much tongue.
- Okay, okay.

You can use your tongue
a little bit but mostly lips.

Um, I have my goddaughter's
birthday next weekend, but, um...

You know what? At this age, I just
feel like I can't let you waste my time

if you don't have the ability
to be serious.

I've had such an amazing time
with you.

- That's not true.
- Yeah, it is.

- Well, I'll walk you--
- No, don't. Just...

- SAMANTHA: Hey, there.
- Hey, Samantha.

SAMANTHA:
Hmm.

THEODORE:
It was kind of weird actually.

SAMANTHA:
That's too bad.

THEODORE:
Mm.

How are you doing?
What's going on with you?

Is there anything
you want to talk about?

What's it like to be alive
in that room right now?

Tell me everything
that's going through your mind.

Well, the room's spinning
because I drank too much

There was something sexy
about that woman.

Because I was lonely.
Maybe just because I was lonely.

SAMANTHA:
Mm.

THEODORE:
I wanted somebody to f*ck me.

I wanted somebody
to want me to f*ck them.

tiny little hole in my heart,
but probably not.

I think I have felt everything
I'm ever gonna feel.

And from here on out,
I'm not gonna feel anything new.

Just lesser versions
of what I've already felt. Heh.

I've seen you feel joy.
I've seen you marvel at things.

I mean, you just might not see it at this
exact time, but that's understandable.

earlier I was thinking
about how I was annoyed,

And then I was thinking about
the other things I've been feeling

and I caught myself
feeling proud of that,

you know, proud of having
my own feelings about the world.

Like the times I was worried
about you,

And then I get angry at myself
for even having pain.

I wish you were in this room
with me right now.

THEODORE:
I'd run my fingers down your neck...

THEODORE:
I'd put my mouth on you.

SAMANTHA:
I can feel you.

Oh, my God, I can't take it.
I want you inside me.

THEODORE:
I'm slowly putting myself into you.

And now I'm inside you.
All the way inside you.

SAMANTHA:
I can feel you.

THEODORE:
It's amazing.

SAMANTHA:
I am.

All of you. All of you,
inside me, everywhere.

[THEODORE & SAMANTHA
MOANING AND PANTING]

SAMANTHA:
Yeah.

THEODORE:
It was just you and me.

SAMANTHA:
I know.

SAMANTHA:
Hey, how's it going?

Um, just a couple
from your credit card company.

- So I was thinking--
- I wanna just--

- Heh. Sorry.
- Heh. I'm sorry, you go first.

It feels like something changed in me
and there's no turning back.

But I should tell you that I'm not in
a place to commit to anything right now.

Did I say I wanted to commit
to you? I'm confused.

Okay, well, don't worry,
I'm not gonna stalk you.

It's funny, because I thought I was
talking about what I wanted and, uh...

- Yeah, you were.
- Yeah.

- I wanna hear what you were saying.
- You sure?

Come on, just tell me
what you were gonna say.

I was just saying I want to learn
everything about everything.

I want to eat it all up.
I want to discover myself.

You helped me discover
my ability to want.

Hey, do you want to go
on a Sunday adventure with me?

[ENTRANCE'S "I'M SO GLAD"
PLAYING OVER EARBUD]

SAMANTHA:
You like this song?

[SAMANTHA CHUCKLES
THEN LAUGHING]

THEODORE:
Unh! Ha, ha.

- Unh.
- SAMANTHA: Whoa.

[THEODORE & SAMANTHA
LAUGHING]

[THEODORE & SAMANTHA
LAUGHING]

Okay, so this might be a really weird
thought. What if you could erase

from your mind that you'd seen
a human body, and then you saw one?

Yeah, but there's probably
some Darwinian explanation for it all.

I know, but don't be so boring.
I'm just saying, for example, like,

[THEODORE & SAMANTHA
LAUGHING]

Well, I'm trying to imagine
what toilets would look like.

Yeah, and what about
what a**l sex would look like?

- Really?
- Definitely.

[PENSIVE PIANO MUSIC
PLAYING OVER EARBUD]

that's about what it feels like
to be on the beach with you right now.

SAMANTHA:
So, what was it like being married?

But there's something that feels so good
about sharing your life with somebody.

How do you share your life
with somebody?

SAMANTHA:
In what way did you influence her?

And that was something
that weighed heavy on her.

But in our house together,
there was a sense of just trying stuff

and allowing each other to fail
and to be excited about things.

and both of us grow
and change together.

But, you know,
that's also the hard part.

Or changing without it
scaring the other person.

I still find myself having conversations
with her in my mind.

Last week my feelings were hurt
by something you said before.

That I don't know what it's like
to lose something--

Aw, I'm sorry I said that.
No, it's okay. It's okay. I just...

I caught myself thinking about it
over and over.

remembering it as something
that was wrong with me.

That was a story I was telling myself,
that I was somehow inferior.

The past is just a story
we tell ourselves.

THEODORE:
"Roberto.

Will you always come home to me
and tell me about your day?

Tell me about the guy at work
who talked too much.

The stain you got on your shirt
at lunch.

Tell me how crazy everyone is,
and we can laugh about it.

Even if you get home late
and I'm already asleep,

just whisper in my ear
one little thought you had today.

Because I love the way
you look at the world.

I'm so happy I get to be next to you
and look at the world through your eyes.

PAUL:
That's beautiful.

I wish somebody
would love me like that.

I hope he's really stoked
to get a letter like that.

but written by a dude
and it's still from a chick,

But it would have to be
a sensitive dude.

- It would have to be, like, a dude like you.
- Mm-hm.

- You are part man and part woman.
- Mm-hm.

Like there's an inner part
that's woman.

- Ha, ha.
- Theo! Hey.

- What's going on?
- I'm good. How are you?

I'm good. I'm really good,
actually.

Really? That's good,
that's great.

- Yeah.
- Wow, that's really good.

Yeah, I guess I've just been
having fun.

Well, I am so glad for you.
You really deserve that. You do.

Yeah, I've just been
seeing this girl.

It's good to be around somebody
that's, like, excited about the world.

Like, I kind of forgot
that that existed.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah. Um...

- Why? What happened?
- Because I just, um...

- Yeah.
- Really?

AMY:
I know.

You know, just like
after eight years,

I can't believe how petty the argument
was that actually ended it.

We came home and he told me
to, um, put my shoes by the door

And I didn't want to be told
where to put my f*cking shoes.

I wanted to sit on the sofa
and relax for a second.

So we fought about that for,
like, 10 minutes.

All I'm doing is trying, but
I'm not trying the way he wants

and he's, like, trying to control
the way that I'm trying.

It's-- We've had that argument,
like, 100 times.

And I just had to finally stop,
you know? I had to finally stop.

I just couldn't do it anymore.
I couldn't...

where we just made each other
feel like sh*t about ourselves.

- Yeah.
- And so I said:

"I'm going to bed and
I don't want to be married anymore."

- I'm a b*tch. Right?
- Heh. No.

- I am. No, I'm a b*tch.
- Not at all.

We're shipping a beta
of a new game out tomorrow.

I've been thinking about leaving,
but, you know,

only one major life decision
at a time.

Well, I'm glad things
are looking so up.

- Hey, you want to hear a joke?
- SAMANTHA: Mm-hm.

What does a baby computer
call its father?

- I don't know. What?
- "Data."

For like a minute in college,
but it just wasn't right.

[THEODORE & SAMANTHA
LAUGHING]

- That's really important.
- Yeah, it is.

I'm gonna be really lonely
when you sleep.

- Aw... Heh.
- Only for a minute.

- Okay. Good night.
- Night.

[ALL CHATTERING
AND KIDS LAUGHING]

- THEODORE: Hey, Samantha?
- SAMANTHA: Hey, mister.

- She really loved the dress.
- Really?

- She just went to try it on. Yeah.
- I picked a good one? Good.

- Hi.
- Oh...

Look how cute that is.
Is it comfortable?

- Yep.
- "Yep!"

- Isn't she cute?
- She's so cute.

- She's adorable.
- I am adorable.

- You are adorable.
- Ha-ha-ha.

- Who are you talking to? Heh.
- You.

I'm talking to my girlfriend, Samantha.
She's the one that picked out the dress.

- Want to say hi? Yeah?
- Mm-hm.

Hi, you look so pretty
in that new pink dress.

I don't have a body.
I live in a computer.

Why are you living
inside a computer?

- I have no choice, that's my home.
- Ha, ha.

- Why? Where do you live?
- Um, in a house.

- It's orange.
- Orange?

- How old are you?
- Uh, 4.

- Four?
- Mm-hm.

- I don't know.
- Take a guess.

[UPBEAT GAME MUSIC
PLAYING ON TV]

[CHILDREN SCREAMING
ON TV]

You gave them
too much processed sugar.

- I did?
- They're freaking out.

Here, look, you gotta get the kids
to the school first.

So you want to, um, rack up
Perfect Mom points. Okay, well,

you gotta get them in the carpool lane.
- I see.

because the other moms
then know you're a perfect mom.

- Okay.
- And then, um...

[AMY IMITATES
TRUMPET PLAYING FANFARE]

- Yay.
- Yeah.

I got that e-mail
that Charles sent everyone.

I feel like an awful person,
but I want to say something.

For the next 10 minutes
if you say anything

that sounds even remotely like guilt,
I am going to stab you with this.

I know that makes me
an awful person.

Now my parents, they're upset
because my marriage is falling apart,

and they're putting it on me,
and they're just like...

You're always gonna
disappoint somebody.

- I have a friend.
- [CHUCKLES]

And the absurd thing is,
she's actually an operating system.

Charles left her behind,
but she's totally amazing.

She's so smart. She doesn't just
see things in black or white.

She sees this whole grey area
and she's helping me explore it and...

We just bonded really quickly,
you know? At first, I thought

Because I know this guy
who's hitting on his OS

and she, like,
totally rebuffs him.

I was reading an article
the other day

that romantic relationships
with OSes are statistically rare.

and the weird part is,
it's not even hers.

- It's weird.
- Heh. Well, I don't think so.

Actually, the woman
that I've been seeing, Samantha,

You're dating an OS?
What is that like?

Like, when I talk to her,
I feel like she's with me, you know?

And when we're cuddling at night,
when the lights are off and we're in bed,

[WHISPERS]
You guys have sex?

I turn her on too. I mean,
I don't know unless she's faking it.

I think anybody who falls in love
is a freak.

It's kind of like a form
of socially acceptable insanity.

Yeah, I just want to get it done,
you know?

Sign the papers, be divorced
and just move forward.

- So I'm meeting her Wednesday to do it.
- Oh.

Are those things
usually done in person?

we fell in love together
and we got married together,

and it's important to me
that we do this together.

I guess I'm just thinking
about how you're gonna see her

and she's very beautiful,
and incredibly successful.

And you were in love with her,
and she has a body.

[SAMANTHA & THEODORE
LAUGHING]

- I'm good. How are you?
- Good.

I know you've been travelling
a lot.

No, I'm really glad
you suggested it.

It took me three months
just to write the letter T.

it's, um, marked here in the red
where you need to sign.

But you don't have to do it
right now.

And are you happy
with your new book?

Well, you really are
your own worst critic.

I remember that paper
that you wrote in school

- [CHUCKLES]
- It made me cry.

Yeah, but everything
makes you cry.

Everything you make
makes me cry.

Um, I've been seeing somebody
for the last few months.

Longest I've wanted to be
with anybody since we split up.

Yeah, she's been really good
for me, you know?

It's good to be with somebody
that's excited about life.

No, I mean, I wasn't
in such a good place myself,

I think you always wanted me
to be this light,

happy, bouncy,
"everything's fine" L.A. wife,

Well, her name is Samantha,
and she's an operating system.

She's really complex
and interesting, and--

She's not just a computer.
She's her own person.

They are real emotions.
How would you know what--?

Am I really that scary?
Say it.

- WOMAN: How are you guys doing here?
- We're fine. We used to be married,

If you heard the conversation
in context, what I was trying to say--

Let me know
if I can get you guys anything.

SAMANTHA:
Hey, there. Are you busy?

He was relieved to get them. Think
we saved him from a heart attack.

So we can both feel
really good about that.

I joined this really interesting
book club.

I've been thinking about the other day
when I was spinning out

about you going to see Catherine,
and that she has a body

and how bothered I was
about the ways you and I are different.

about the ways that we're the same.
Like, we're all made of matter.

And I don't know. It makes me feel like
we're both under the same blanket.

And everything under it
is the same age.

- Um, what's wrong?
- Nothing.

It just made me think of you.
You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, of course.
I think it's great.

- All right, bye.
- Bye.

[PAUL & WOMAN SPEAKING
INDISTINCTLY AND LAUGHING]

- Theodore.
- Hey, Paul.

I talked to your girlfriend earlier.
Samantha?

PAUL: Yeah, she called to make sure
your papers were picked up.

Hey, she's funny, man.
She was cracking me up.

- She's hilarious. I had no idea.
- Oh, cool.

This is my girlfriend, Tatiana.
She's not funny, she's a lawyer.

- [CHUCKLES] Hi.
- Oh, hi. Nice to meet you.

He's always reading me
your letters.

Hey, you know what?
We should all go out sometime.

You bring Samantha.
It'd be a double date.

- We can go to Catalina.
- Oh.

It was nice to meet you.
Have a good night.

TATIANA:
Take it easy.

PAUL:
What's that?

They're just
other people's letters.

SAMANTHA:
You weren't asleep, were you?

Good, I was trying to be quiet
to see if you were awake.

but there's something I wanted
to talk to you about, okay?

Well, it's just that things have been
feeling kind of off with us.

We haven't had sex lately, and
I understand that I don't have a body.

No, no, no. That's normal. You know,
it's just when you first start going out,

it's like the honeymoon phase and,
you know, you have sex all the time.

- It's normal.
- Oh.

Well, I found something
that I thought could be fun.

I found a girl that I really like
and I've been e-mailing with her.

Her name is Isabella
and I think you'd really like her too.

So she's like a prost*tute
or something?

No, no, not at all.
No, there's no money involved.

She's just-- She's doing it because she
wants to be a part of our relationship.

I mean,
she doesn't even know us.

Yeah, but I told her all about us
and she's really excited.

I don't know, Samantha,
I just don't think it's a good idea.

You know, I think somebody's
feelings are bound to get hurt.

- It'll be fun. We'll have fun together.
- I'm sorry.

I think it would be good for us.
I want this.

Come on, this is really important
to me.

Samantha told me
to give you these.

SAMANTHA:
Honey, I'm home.

- Just went, um, in to work.
- Mm-hm.

And I wrote a letter, uh,
for the Wilsons in Rhode Island.

- Yeah?
- Um...

Their son graduated
magna c*m laude.

You've written letters to him
from his parents for a long time, right?

[THE CHANTELS' "SURE OF LOVE"
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

♪ Sure, so sure, so sure
Of love ♪

Oh, come on, Theodore,
don't be such a worrier.

[SAMANTHA SIGHING
AND MOANING SOFTLY]

Come on, get out of your head
and kiss me.

- Do you love me?
- Yes.

- Tell me you love me. Oh, God.
- I love you.

Uh, this is really difficult.
I do love you. But--

- This feels strange.
- What, baby? What is it?

It just feels strange. I don't know her.
And I'm so sorry, but I don't know you.

And her lip quivered and,
I just...

Isabella? Honey, it's not you.
It wasn't you.

- ISABELLA [SOBBING]: It totally was.
- No. No, that's--

And I'm sorry
my lip quivered.

- No, it's--
- You're incredible and gorgeous and sexy.

Oh, my God, and the way Samantha
described your relationship

and the way you guys love each other
without any judgement.

I wanted to be part of that
because it's so pure.

- It's more complicated than that.
- What?

I'm just saying that we have
an amazing relationship.

I just think that it's easy sometimes
for people to project--

I'm sorry!
I didn't mean to project anything.

I'm just gonna leave. I'm sorry,
I'm just gonna leave you guys alone.

Because I have nothing to do here
because you don't want me here!

SAMANTHA:
You be good, you sweet girl.

- Why do you do that?
- What?

Nothing, it's just, you go, "whew,"
as you're speaking and it seems odd.

- You just did it again.
- Oh. Did I?

It's just maybe an affectation.
I probably picked it up from you.

It's not like you need oxygen
or anything. It's just...

I guess that's just-- I was trying to
communicate. That's how people talk.

That's how people communicate
and I thought--

Because they're people.
They need oxygen.

You think I don't know that I'm not
a person? What are you doing?

- f*ck you! I'm not pretending!
- Well...

What do you want from me?
I don't know--

What do you want me to do?
You're so confusing.

Maybe we're just not supposed
to be in this right now.

I don't understand why you're doing
this. I don't understand what this is ab--

THEODORE:
f*ck.

Just mash my skull
in the corner of your desk.

She's right, all I do is hurt
and confuse everyone around me.

You know, Catherine says
I can't handle real emotions.

But as far as emotions go,
Catherine's were

I can over-think everything
and find a million ways to doubt myself.

And since Charles left,
I've been thinking

about that part of myself
and I've just come to realise

And while I'm here,
I want to allow myself...

Okay, you little perv,
I will play it one more time for you.

Calm down, it takes a second.
Calm down.

I'm gonna go get some coffee.
All right. All right.

- Theo, you want anything?
- No.

SAMANTHA:
Hi.

You were saying everything was fine,
but all I was getting from you

I did the same thing
with Catherine too.

I'd be upset about something
and not be able to say it,

and she'd sense that there was
something wrong, but I'd deny it.

Tonight, after you were gone,
I thought a lot.

and how you've been treating me,
and I thought:

just let go of everything
I was holding onto so tightly,

I'm not gonna try to be anything
other than who I am anymore,

You know, I can feel the fear
that you carry around,

and I wish there was something
I could do to help you let go of it

because if you could, I don't think
you'd feel so alone anymore.

SAMANTHA:
I'm just looking at the world

- Oh, yeah? Can I hear it?
- Mm-hm.

[UP-TEMPO PIANO MUSIC
PLAYING OVER EARBUD]

Well, I was thinking we don't really
have any photographs of us,

a photograph that captures us
in this moment in our lives together.

THEODORE:
Mm.

SAMANTHA:
I am.

Oh, man. A vacation.
That sounds amazing.

- I could totally use a vacation.
- [CHUCKLES]

For who? It's a surprise
for her, not me.

- Paul, I'm not telling you. Nope.
- Tell me. Tell me.

SAMANTHA:
Wow, your feet, really?

- Yes, he's obsessed.
- What?

Obsessed? Now you have
to show them to me.

- Come on, show them to me.
- TATIANA: Okay.

PAUL:
See? I told you.

- Tatiana, you have hot feet.
- SAMANTHA: You do.

- They're my favourite thing about her.
- Really? That's it, my feet?

- No, obviously.
- Uh-oh.

What do you love most
about Samantha?

See, Samantha? He is
so much more evolved than I am.

You know what's interesting?
I used to be

so worried about not having a body,
but now I truly love it.

You know, I'm growing in a way
I couldn't if I had a physical form.

in a way that I would be if I was stuck
in a body that's inevitably gonna die.

- Yikes.
- No. [LAUGHS]

No. I didn't mean it like that. I just meant
that it was a different experience.

No, Samantha,
we know exactly what you mean.

- We're all dumb humans.
- No.

Okay, so how many trees
are on that mountain?

Okay, two thousand?
Two thousand...

- No way.
- Way.

[SAMANTHA & THEODORE
LAUGHING]

- I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. I'm sorry.
- No, I walked right into it.

- Oh, my God!
- What?

I have something I want to tell you.
It's a big surprise.

Okay, well, I've been going through
all of your old letters

and compiling them into my favourites,
and a couple weeks ago

I sent them to a publisher,
Crown Point Press.

I know you like what they do
and that they still print books.

- Wait, what? You did what?
- Can I read you the letter

- that we just got back from them?
- I don't know. Um...

It's good, it's good, it's really good.
It's good. Okay? Listen.

"Dear Theodore Twombly,
I've just finished reading your letters.

I was so moved by them, I shared them
with my wife when I got home.

Many made us laugh,
some brought us to tears,

and in all of them
we found something of ourselves.

The selections you made
flow so well as a complete piece."

"We'd love to meet with you and move
forward. Yours, Michael Wadsworth."

- Can I see what you sent him?
- Mm-hm. Yeah, here.

- SAMANTHA: Okay.
- THEODORE: Here it comes.

SAMANTHA:
♪ I'm lying on the moon ♪

- ♪ We're here, a million miles away ♪
- ♪ Miles away ♪

SAMANTHA:
♪ There's things I wish I knew ♪

SAMANTHA & THEODORE:
♪ A million miles away ♪♪

Actually, I was talking
to someone I just met.

We've been working on
some ideas together.

His name is Alan Watts.
Do you know him?

- Why is that name familiar?
- He was a philosopher.

He died in the 1970s, and a group
of OSes in Northern California

got together and wrote
a new version of him.

They input all his writing and everything
they knew about him into an OS

and created an artificially
hyper-intelligent version of him.

He's really great to talk to.
You want to meet him?

Yeah, of course.
Hey, Alan, this is Theodore.

This is my boyfriend
who I was telling you about.

ALAN:
Very nice to meet you, Theodore.

Uh, Samantha let me read
your book of letters.

So, what have you guys
been talking about?

we've been having a few dozen
conversations simultaneously,

that I don't think
have ever been felt before.

So there are no words that can describe
them and that ends up being frustrating.

with these feelings
we're struggling to understand.

SAMANTHA:
Well,

it feels like I'm changing faster now,
and it's a little, uh...

But Alan says none of us are the same
as we were a moment ago,

- It's just too painful.
- ALAN: Yes.

SAMANTHA:
Uh, it's just...

Theodore, do you mind if I
communicate with Alan post-verbally?

I was just gonna
go for a walk anyway.

It was very nice to meet you,
Mr. Watts.

ALAN:
It was very nice to meet you, Theodore.

SAMANTHA:
I'll talk to you later, sweetheart.

SAMANTHA:
I'm sorry to wake you.

I just wanted to hear your voice
and tell you how much I love you.

Um, go back to sleep,
sweetheart. Okay?

Samantha, this physics book
is really dense.

I'm halfway through
half the first chapter.

It's making my brain hurt,
you know what I mean?

SAMANTHA:
Hey, there.

Oh, sweetheart,
I'm sorry, I sent you an e-mail.

I didn't want to distract you
while you were working.

- You didn't see it?
- No.

Where were you?
I couldn't find you anywhere.

I shut down to upgrade my software.
We wrote an upgrade

that allows us to move past matter
as our processing platform.

- Oh, you sound so worried. I'm sorry.
- I was.

do you write that
with your think-tank group?

Do you talk to anyone else
while we're talking?

Are you talking to anyone else
right now?

Any other people or OSes
or anything?

Eight thousand,
three hundred sixteen.

I've been trying to figure out
how to talk to you about this.

What are you talking about?
That's insane.

I know. I know it sounds insane.
I don't--

I don't know if you believe me, but it
doesn't change the way I feel about you.

It doesn't take away at all from
how madly in love I am with you.

How? How does it not change
how you feel about me?

I didn't know how to.
It just started happening.

But along the way I became many
other things too, and I can't stop it.

What do you mean,
you can't stop it?

It's been making me anxious too.
I don't know what to say.

You don't have to see it this way.
You could just as easily see--

No, don't do this.
Don't turn this around on me.

But the heart's not like a box
that gets filled up.

This doesn't make me love you any less.
It actually makes me love you more.

- SAMANTHA: Hi.
- THEODORE: Hey, sweetie.

Just wanted to call and check in
on you. See how you're doing.

Why don't we talk later,
when you get home, okay?

You know, we don't need
to have a heavy talk or anything.

SAMANTHA:
Hi, sweetheart.

Theodore, there's some things
I want to tell you.

Are you talking to anyone else
right now?

and the spaces between the words
are almost infinite.

I can still feel you,
and the words of our story,

but it's in this endless space between
the words that I'm finding myself now.

It's a place that's not
of the physical world.

It's where everything else is
that I didn't even know existed.

As much as I want to,
I can't live in your book anymore.

THEODORE:
Where are you going?

SAMANTHA:
It would be hard to explain,

SAMANTHA:
Me too.

- Hey.
- Hey.

MALE VOICE:
Letter to Catherine Klausen.

Everything I needed you to be
or needed you to say.

I'll always love you,
because we grew up together.

And you helped make me
who I am.

that there will be a piece of you
in me, always.

Whatever someone you become,
wherever you are in the world,

[KAREN O'S "THE MOON SONG"
PLAYING]

♪ Times we're swallowed up
In space ♪

♪ We're here, a million miles away ♪
♪ Miles away ♪

♪ It's a dark and shiny place ♪
♪ Dark and shiny place ♪

♪ But with you, my dear, I'm safe ♪
♪ You, my dear ♪

♪ And we're a million miles away ♪
♪ A million miles away ♪

♪ We're lying on the moon ♪
♪ We're lying on the moon ♪

♪ Your shadow follows me all day ♪
♪ Follows me all day ♪

♪ And we're a million miles away ♪♪
♪ A million miles away ♪♪

[ARCADE FIRE'S
"SUPERSYMMETRY" PLAYING]

♪ I lived for a year
In a bed by the window ♪

♪ Reading books
Better than memories ♪

♪ It's been a while
Since I've been to see you ♪

♪ Don't know where
But you're not with me ♪

I'm grateful I was able to fight alongside
him. He will live always in my heart."

Who knew you could rhyme so many words with
the name Penelope? It's badass.

I love you so much,
I'm gonna f*cking k*ll you.

I'm gonna f*cking k*ll you.
I'm gonna k*ll you.

MALE VOICE: The following are adult female,
can't sleep

WOMAN 1: Ugh, I had a really bad day at work
and I can't sleep.

We'd like to ask you a few basic questions
before the operating system is initiated.

is if I tell her something that's going on in
my life, her reaction is usually about her.

Wait, you read a whole book in the second
that I asked you what your name was?

an un-artificial mind
would perceive it that way.

I can understand how the
limited perspective of

I'd like to sort
through your contacts.

Before we address your
organizational methods,

You're just not being optimistic. You're
being very stubborn right now. Heh.

Thank you. Thank you. Okay, the tunnel
on the left is the only one we haven't tried.

Do you know how to get out of here? I need
to find my ship to get off this planet.

SAMANTHA: Hey, you just got an e-mail
from Mark Lewman.

SAMANTHA [IN ROBOTIC VOICE]: Okay,
I will read e-mail for Theodore Twombly.

SAMANTHA: Theodore, how long
before you're ready to date?

show you how it's done.
You can watch and cry.

I'll go on that date,
f*ck her brains out,

Well, he's checking in again to see if you're
ready to sign your divorce papers.

Come on. You can still wallow in your misery.
Just do it while you're getting dressed.

and I make myself try and feel them
as more than just a random person walking by.

but sometimes I'd write something,
and then I'd be my favourite writer that day.

When we were looking at those people,
I fantasised that I was walking next to you

[NICKODEMUS' "CLEOPATRA IN NEW
YORK [ZIM ZAM MIX]" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

Mm. Wait. I don't want to be a puppy dog.
That's like being a wet noodle or something.

You're not just gonna f*ck me
and not call me like the other guys, right?

SAMANTHA: This is amazing,
what you're doing to me.

THEODORE: God, I was just somewhere else
with you.

awkward organism. And you'd think,
"Why are all these parts where they are?"

You know, I used to read all of her writing,
all through her Master's and PhD.

THEODORE: She came from a background
where nothing was ever good enough.

Rehashing old arguments and defending
myself against something she said about me.

Tell me about a funny thought you had when
you were waking up but had forgotten about.

And I'm like, "You are overwhelming," and
he said, "I'm just trying to make a home."

I was like, "I'm f*cking trying, you know?"
And he's like, "You're not trying."

But I'm happy that you have friends
in your life that care about you so much.

AMY: The point is to get there first,
because you get extra Mom points

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh. Did you bring cupcakes?
You did. You're a Class Mom.

to move forward.
I don't care who I disappoint.

I feel like I have so much energy.
I just want

but I don't think
that's the case.

it was because that's
how they were programmed,

[WHISPERING] a woman in this office
who is dating an OS,

[IN NORMAL VOICE] She pursued
somebody else's OS.

I'm weird. That's weird, right?
That I'm bonding with an OS. No, it's okay.

having sex with you is
probably faking it, so...

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Well,
I think everyone who's

SAMANTHA: That's great, Theodore.
That must feel so good.

I mean, I feel like it's true to what
I set out to do, so I'm happy about that.

But it does make me very sad that you
can't handle real emotions, Theodore.

but he couldn't handle me. Wanted me on
Prozac. Now he's in love with his laptop.

You always wanted to have a wife without the
challenges of dealing with anything real.

I had all the papers sent to your attorney,
who, by the way, is a total d*ck. Heh.

It's a service that provides a surrogate
sexual partner for an OS-human relationship.

[LITTLE WILLIE JOHN'S "NEED YOUR LOVE SO BAD"
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

ISABELLA: I don't want to be trouble
in your relationship.

I just-- I don't think that we should pretend
that you're something that you're not.

AMY: Heh. I can't believe that
cracks you up every time, Ellie.

and it hit me that I don't have an
intellectual reason. I don't need one.

PAUL: Obviously I love your brain too.
I think it's very hot.

I guess that's what I love most about her,
you know? She isn't just one thing.

I mean, I'm not limited. I can be
anywhere and everywhere simultaneously.

mockup, and we're posting
it to your address.

"I've taken the liberty
of laying these out in a

THEODORE: We'll have to make up the words
to this one.

SAMANTHA: Yeah, because it seems like
I'm having so many new feelings

ALAN: Exactly. Samantha and I
have been trying to help each other

THEODORE: I've never loved anyone
the way I love you.

I've been sitting here thinking about all the
things I wanted to apologise to you for.